HOLY FLU!


Swine Flu Virus
The biggest news of the week? The human swine flu virus. And Filipinos are getting worried. In fact, they’ve never been this worried since Mar Roxas announced on “Wowowee” that Korina Sanchez is the country’s next First Lady.

Swine Flu Virus II
The human swine influenza virus has already killed hundreds and infected thousands worldwide. The spread of the virus is alarming. To give you an idea how alarming it has become, for the first time in history, Jose De Venecia and his fellow congressmen are avoiding pork.

Swine Flu Virus III
The World Health Organization has raised the alert level on the human swine flu virus to Phase 4, meaning there is sustained human-to-human transmission of the virus. But senators, congressmen, and other corrupt politicians have nothing to worry about because there has yet to be a documented case of human-to-crocodile transmission.

Solons to Vegas
Reports say a large number of congressmen led by House Speaker Prospero Nograles are flying off to Las Vegas to watch the Manny Pacquiao-Ricky Hatton bout on Sunday. Fact is, if they wanted to debate on Charter Change they can freely do since their number in Vegas constitutes a quorum.

Pacquiao on TIME
Final results of a TIME Magazine survey showed that Manny Pacquiao was voted the 22nd “most influential” person in the world. When Sen. Lito Lapid heard this he said, “Influential? Naku, dapat magpa-check up na siya. Baka dahil sa swine virus ‘yan!”

Quintuplets
Did you hear about the 27-year-old housewife who gave birth last Sunday to a set of quintuplets? Yesterday, Mar Roxas and Korina Sanchez (as shown on ABS-CBN newscasts) visited the woman and her babies. Roxas and Sanchez became emotional when they saw the babies… mainly because they never expected to see such an adorable bunch of election paraphernalia.

Korina On Leave
ABS-CBN announced that Korina Sanchez is taking a leave of absence from her radio program starting May 9. Ted Failon is wondrin’ why women close to his heart are leaving him.

peta_bikini No to Zoos
Barely-clad female members of the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) staged a protest action at the Manila Zoo to urge the management to release the animals to their natural habitat. Tomorrow, they will picket the House of Representatives to call for the release of some 270 crocodiles in captivity.

No to Zoos II
Four bikini-clad women from the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) picketed the Manila Zoo on Tuesday to urge the public to boycott zoos. Sen. Jamby Madrigal says she would support PETA’s call… only if the women would stage similar protests in five more zoos.

juday-ryan Juday and Ryan Wedding
Judy Ann Santos and Ryan Agoncillo have tied the knot in a very private ceremony in San Juan, Batangas Tuesday morning. Thank goodness they were not running in 2010! Otherwise, the wedding would have been held at the “Wowowee” studios.

Earth Day: A Postscript
A week ago, the world celebrated Earth Day. In observance of the significant event, environmental groups planted seedlings; local governments cleaned up rivers, and Vicki Belo recycled her face.

Elsewhere…

My favorite gossip columnist, Vic Agustin of the Manila Standard Today has written an intriguing article. Do you know Leo Magno?

Newsbreak magazine has an update on the jueteng operation in Ilocos Norte.

And for fellow fanatics of our Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers, you can check out this blog for pre-and post-game analyses.

Personal
The Professional Heckler is on Twitter. Search for either: Professional Heckler or heckler8. See you there. (Of late though, people couldn’t find me there. I tried using the “Find People” button but i myself g0t zero results. Dunno why. Sigh.)
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“Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.”
~Buddha

WINNERS/LOSERS


The Oscars
“Slumdog Millionaire” won Best Picture in the 81st Oscar Awards. It tells the story of a young man from Mumbai, India who became a millionaire after joining a tv game show. After watching him, we learned how he survived poverty, his love for family and a quest for true love. If a similar film would be made here, viewers would learn how to do Kagat Labi, Itaktak Mo, Hep-Hep Hooray, and Boom Tarat.

“Slumdog Millionaire” won Best Picture in the 81st Oscar Awards. It tells the story of a young man from Mumbai who became a millionaire after joining a tv game show. It’s that simple. But the story happened in India. If that boy were Filipino, he’ll be dead in Ultra before he could even play.

Oscar is now 81 years old. That qualifies him for the post of Senate president.

Kate Winslet won Best Actress for the movie “The Reader.” Just so you know, she has lost several times in the past that’s why her triumph after six missed chances inspired so many people… including Oliver Lozano, Eddie Gil, and Manuel Morato.

The late Heath Ledger won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor a year after he died of a drug overdose. When my self-proclaimed Pinoy film enthusiast sexagenarian neighbor heard the news, she exclaimed, “Hay naku! Wala ‘yan kay Ate Guy ‘noh! Mas marami siyang acting awards at never pa siyang na-overdose!”

For his demented reinvention of Batman villain the Joker, Heath Ledger won a posthumous award for Best Supporting Actor. When Sen. Lito Lapid heard this, he said, “Ang suwerte naman niya. Ako, hindi pa nananalo.” A Senate reporter then reminded him, “Senator, nanalo ka na before sa FAP for Lapu-Lapu! Best Actor pa!” Lapid replied, “Tanga! Hindi ‘yon. Ang gusto kong mapanalunan ‘yong posthumous award!”

Japan’s entry won in the Foreign Language Film category. Titled “Departures,” it depicts the esoteric practices of a mortician who works to preserve the dignity of a person… something similar to what Belo, Calayan, and Ellen Lising do!

choco Briefly Noted
Did you get to see A.R. Rahman when he interpreted the winning song? For a brief moment, I thought he was our very own standup comic Chocoleit.

The Super Lotto Draw
Just like thousands of Filipinos who placed a bet on Sunday’s Super Lotto draw where a whopping P347M jackpot was at stake, the Professional Heckler lost. Frustrating! Now I know how Sen. Mar Roxas must have felt when he spent hundreds of thousands, if not millions of pesos in TV & radio ads and still failed to penetrate the top 5 preferred presidential candidates in both the SWS and Pulse Asia surveys.

The Super Lotto Draw II
Only two bettors hit the more than P347 million Super Lotto jackpot on Sunday night. The Professional Heckler was among thousands who placed a bet and lost. Frustrating! Now I know how Eduardo De Luna and six other contractors must have felt when the World Bank banned them.

totoy GMA 7’s New Series
GMA Network has begun airing its latest primetime series. It is called “Totoy Bato.” Nope, the series is not about the Alabang Boys.

Up Next
I won’t write about this issue now. I want you to be familiar with the “battle” first. Click here to watch.
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“Fifteen career Oscar nominations. That’s a record. I hate to say it but when someone puts up numbers like that, it’s just hard not to think steroids.” — Host Hugh Jackman to Meryl Streep during the opening of the 81st Academy Awards show

PHENOMENAL PACQUIAO

Manny Pacquiao Wins

Manny Pacquiao snatched the WBC lightweight title from David Diaz. Diaz reportedly earned 800 thousand dollars from the fight, his biggest paycheck ever. But that’s still nothing compared what GMA 7 & Solar Sports earned.

Mexican-American David Diaz gave no excuses after losing his WBC lightweight title. If Diaz were a Pinoy politician, Pacquiao would now be facing poll fraud allegations.

Filipino boxing hero Manny Pacquiao won his fourth world title yesterday. Pacquiao’s impressive victory has silenced David Diaz, Diaz’ American supporters, the Mexican community, – and Recah Trinidad.

null Postscript to a Sea Tragedy

A day after MV Princess of the Stars sank, Sulpicio Lines blamed the Philippine Coast Guard for the mishap. The next day, the management said it was an “act of God.” Then last Friday, the company was blaming the local weather bureau, PAG-ASA. Surviving relatives of the ill-fated ship’s passengers must prepare: they’re next.

Sulpicio Lines is suing PAG-ASA for gross negligence. If the court dismisses the case, Sulpicio Lines is suing typhoon “Frank.”

Sulpicio Lines has blamed nature, the Philippine Coast Guard, and the weather bureau for the maritime mishap that struck its vessel Princess of the Stars. The company’s so confused it’s blaming everybody. Now that would be much easier if Sulpicio Lines’ owners were leftists. They’ve only got GMA to blame.

Gloria and Obama null

Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama sent President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo a letter of apology for being unable to meet with her because of his busy schedule. Simply put, she’s not a priority.

Sen. Barack Obama apologized to President Arroyo for being unable to meet with her. The letter of apology was dated June 24, two days before their expected meeting. Simply put, pinaghandaan talaga ni Obama – ang ‘di nila pagkikita.

null Gloria and McCain

President Arroyo met today with Republican presidential candidate John McCain in Washington DC. The meeting lasted for only about 15 minutes mainly because the 72-year-old McCain has so many other things to do in life with only a few years left here on Earth.

Who’s Your Daddy?!? null

Last week, ABS-CBN chair Eugenio “Gabby” Lopez III said reporter Ces Drilon would still have to face administrative sanction for venturing into forbidden territory in violation of her bosses’ orders. Asked what could be the possible penalty, Lopez answered, “it might just be spanking.” “In that case, I will do it myself.” And we thought Ces has suffered enough at the hands of her captors.

null ABS-CBN chair Gabby Lopez said Ces Drilon would be sanctioned for violating her bosses at the news department. Asked what could be the possible penalty, Lopez answered, “it might just be spanking; I will do it myself.” In another story dismissed by Lopez as totally unrelated, study showed more female employees of ABS-CBN are sanctioned for various offenses than males, 10 to 1.

ABS-CBN Chair Gabby Lopez said Ces Drilon would have to be sanctioned for “endangering the lives of others” in Sulu. See the double standard there? Ces Drilon “endangered” the lives of others and she’ll be punished. Willie Revillame and Wowowee “took” the lives of others and he was rewarded.

Mike Arroyo’s Birthday null

First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo celebrated his 62nd birthday in New York on Saturday, June 28 with only his son Mikey and wife, President Arroyo beside him. But he still had so much fun… primarily because he felt he was with a clone and a clown.