EARTH DAY

April 22 is Earth Day: a chance to promote love of nature: plants, animals, and the environment. In celebration of this event, the Supreme Court issued a ruling expanding the country’s largest crocodile farm. It allowed 32 additional party-list representatives to sit in Congress.

Of course, the Lower House was in Earth Day mood too. As if the same farm was not big enough, a House of Representatives panel approved yesterday a measure raising the maximum number of lawmakers from 250 to 300.

Likewise, Sen. Mar Roxas observed Earth Day. I know what you’re thinking. But no, he didn’t go for a pedicab ride to work. Instead, when he saw a guy threw garbage at Edsa, minura niya ito.

Former congressman Ted Failon whose wife was cremated yesterday observed Earth Day in advance. Last week, he had his house cleaned up.

Additional House Members
Because of a Supreme Court ruling, the Lower House now has a record number 55 party-list representatives. Isn’t that ironic? While the Lower House is adding 32 more… our senators are killing one another.

House Speaker Prospero Nograles says 32 additional solons means an additional 2.57 billion pesos in pork barrel allocation. That’s 2.57 billion pesos! Or as Sen. Manuel Villar would describe it, “Budget for 10 C-5 road projects.”

The Lower House has 32 additional party-list representatives and controversial retired Major General Jovito Palparan Jr. is one of them. The country has so many party-list groups… even human rights violators are represented.

palparan Retired Major General Jovito Palparan Jr. of the anti-Communist group Bantay is now a member of Congress. When Jose Maria Sison heard this, he immediately ordered the deployment of additional security for Satur Ocampo, Teddy Casiño, Liza Maza, Luzviminda Ilagan, and Rafael Mariano.

Loyalists of Joma Sison in Congress vowed to block the entry of retired Major General Jovito Palparan Jr. to the House of Representatives. They described him as “a butcher, a killer, and a human rights violator” – traits that qualify him for a post in the NPA leadership.

Retired Army Major Jovito Palparan Jr. of the anti-Communist party-list group Bantay is now a member of the House of Representatives. Asked what excites him the most as a congressman, Palparan replied, “ambush interviews.”

pacquiao-hatton-promo300 Pacquiao-Hatton Fight
Reports say seats for the Manny Pacquiao-Ricky Hatton fight on May 3 (Manila time) are almost sold out. In fact, there are more available seats now at the House of Representatives compared to the MGM Arena.

Wilma Galvante vs. Annabelle Rama
Talent manager Annabelle Rama appealed to her fellow Visayans to join her in a rally outside GMA 7 to demand the resignation of her “enemy,” GMA 7 Senior VP for Entertainment TV Wilma Galvante. But Rama was forced to cancel the rally… when only Cerge Remonde showed up.

For the aborted rally against GMA 7 executive Wilma Galvante, talent manager Annabelle Rama announced on TV a hotline where her fellow Visayans could call her. The toll free number: 1-908-1-SCHIZO.

Quote of the Weak
“Satanas ‘yang Wilma na ‘yan! Satanas ‘yan! At hindi ako titigil hangga’t malaglag ‘yang bruha sa GMA! Walanghiyang bruha na ‘yan!”
~Talent manager Annabelle Rama talking about her adversary, GMA 7’s Senior VP for Entertainment TV Wilma Galvante in a radio interview

(Note: The Professional Heckler has just received information that Annabelle Rama usually eats garbage for merienda. ‘Yan po ang dahilan kung bakit ganyang kabaho ang lumalabas sa bibig niya.)

But in all fairness to Ms Rama, the feisty mom observed Earth Day yesterday… by not opening her mouth for one hour.

Personal:
Two readers of this blog have informed me that Philippine Star columnist Federico Pascual re-printed my post CHICKEN CROSSING today, April 23 in Phil Star but attributed the write-up to someone else. Grrrrr.

Elsewhere…
Where in hell did Loren and Angara go? These senators made me laugh. (Thanks to Rem for sending me the link.)

_________
“We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children.”
~Native American Proverb

CHICKEN CROSSING (2009 EDITION)

THEY MADE guesses in 2007. They gave their two cents’ worth in 2008. This year, they will again try to answer the age-old question: “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

Here’s why according to some local political personalities, government officials, and celebrities:

1: Joseph Estrada: “Binantaan ko ang manok. Kapag hindi kayo nagkaisa ng iyong mga sisiw sa pagtawid… ako na mismo ang tatawid at iiwan ko kayo sa kabilang side ng kalsada.”

2: Sen. Manuel Villar: “What road? C5 or Carlos P. Garcia Avenue?”

3: Sen. Panfilo Lacson: “I absolutely had nothing to do with it. My conscience is clear.”

4: Sen. Manuel Villar 2: “What chicken?! Itik ‘yon!”

5: VP Noli De Castro: “Bakit ka lilipad pa kung kaya namang maglakad na?

6: Cong. Jose De Venecia: “I will not testify even if the Senate conducts a probe on that matter. I’ve already corroborated the statement of my son who saw the chicken when it crossed the road.”

7: Sen. Mar Roxas: “Put*ang inaaaaaa! Ano bang tanong ‘yan?! Paanong ‘di maglalakad ‘yon eh hindi naman siya marunong sumakay sa padyak?!”

8: First Gentleman Mike Arroyo: “I don’t care about the chicken. I am more concerned about the road. I think it needs repair. When is the bidding?”

9: Satur Ocampo: “Bilang protesta sa pang-aabuso sa karapatang pang-hayop ng mga multinasyonal at dayuhang korporasyong katulad ng KFC, Texas Chicken, Kenny Rogers, at McDonald’s.”

10: Ted Failon: “The chicken was having some problems. It tried to commit suicide by crossing that very dangerous road.”

11: Quezon City Police: “We’re not sure yet if it crossed the road or not. The path where it allegedly crossed was apparently cleaned up thereby contaminating the evidence.”

12: ABS-CBN: “Let us respect the privacy of the chicken.”

13: DOJ Sec. Raul Gonzales: “That chicken is crazy!”

14: Sen. Richard Gordon: “I was able to talk to someone from the other side of the road and he confirmed that they’re holding the chicken hostage. There’s proof of life.”

15: Defense Sec. Gilbert Teodoro:The good senator is endangering the life of the chicken. He should let the task force do the talking.”

16: Bro. Eddie Villanueva: “Jeremiah Chapter 9, Verse 10: I will weep for the mountains and wail for the desert pastures. For they are desolate and empty of life; the lowing of cattle is heard no more; the birds and wild animals all have fled.”

17: HK Magazine columnist Chip Tsao: “You’re a nation of chickens!”

18: Public Attorneys Office Chief Persida Rueda-Acosta: “Why not? It has served its minimum sentence. Allow it to walk free!”

19: Subic rape victim Suzette “Nicole” Nicolas: “To marry!”

20: Alabang Boys: “To parteE!”

21: Pampanga Gov. Ed Panlilio: “To quarry!”

22: DOJ State Prosecutor John Resado: “I will answer that question only if you deposit 1.6 million pesos to my BDO account.”

23: Fashion designer Boyet Fajardo: “Mga leche kayo! Hindi n’yo ako kilala? Ako si Boyet Fajardo! Fashion designer ako, hindi sabungero! At ‘yang put*ng-inang manok na ‘yan ay walang kuwentang hayop!”

24: Manny Pacquiao: “ABS-CBN lawyers made the chicken do it.”

25: Annabelle Rama:Ang kapal ng mukha ng manok na ‘yan. Matapos kong bigyan ng patuka, siniraan pa ako sa mga alaga kong sisiw! Idedemanda ko siya dong! At sasampal-sampalin ko pa ‘pag nakita ko! Sinimulan n’ya ‘yan… tatapusin ko!”

26: Wilma Galvante: “I helped the chicken cross the road yes, but I categorically deny asking for eggs in return. Hindi kami nasusuhulan dito.”

27: Dr. Hayden Kho: “I am not exactly sure why but I do have proof that the chicken crossed the road. I videotaped it secretly.”

28: Dr. Vicki Belo: “I told the chicken: if you want to look like Piolo Pascual or Dingdong Dantes, stay with Belo. But if you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to other side of the road.”

29: Madam Auring: “Nakikita ko… nararamdaman ko… gaganda ang buhay ng chicken this year. Mangingitlog pa siya nang marami.”

The next day…

Tabloid headline: “Manok… nasagasaan, patay!”

And due to insistent public demand, I’d like to belatedly add another answer to the question: “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

30: Sen. Lito Lapid: “All of the above!”

Have a productive week ahead!

Survey Says…
Who’s got the worst TV ad?
All of them were bad: 63%
Roxas: 27%
Villar: 6%
Lacson: 4%

We have a new survey question. Please vote now.

‘SENSYA NA… TSAO LANG!

“The ‘servant’ is a sacred term. A Hong Kong government official is a civil servant. We are all servants to God, right? I’m now aware that I’ve crossed the line and I offer my public apology.”
~Chip Tsao’s apology aired over ATV Television Tuesday night

Postscript to a “Chip” Column
Parañaque City Rep. Roilo Golez has challenged HK Magazine columnist Chip Tsao to one round of boxing. His wife calls it “courage.” His supporters call it “nationalism.” I call it publicity.

Interviewed on ATV Television, HK Magazine columnist Chip Tsao apologized for calling the Philippines “a nation of public servants.” Dissatisfied with the apology, the president is sending “super maids” to Hong Kong “to teach” him a lesson.

Remember Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago’s statement during the NBN-ZTE deal probe that the Chinese invented corruption? Chip Tsao said, “Not true! We did not invent corruption. We invented satire!”

The Filipino consul in Hong Kong revealed that “Luisa”, the Filipina domestic helper identified in Tsao’s column was being treated well in the Tsao household. To give you an idea how well she’s being treated, “Luisa” admitted that she’d rather work for Chip Tsao than work for Princess Revilla.

chip_immig The Bureau of Immigration has ordered airport authorities to prevent Chip Tsao from entering the country, to which the controversial Chinese columnist said, “Duh! Do they even have airplanes there?”

Rumors say Sen. Panfilo Lacson has flown to Hong Kong to hunt down Chip Tsao. He wants to personally thank the columnist for diverting media attention from the Dacer-Corbito murder case.

In Other News hostages1
DILG Sec. Ronaldo Puno says the three Red Cross volunteers held hostage by Abu Sayyaf terrorists are still alive. Puno adds government soldiers, with their tanks and mortars have surrounded the Abu Sayyaf lair in Sulu. They’ve also invited Cong. Roilo Golez in case the kidnappers prefer hand to hand combat.

Alma Marries Mayor
Parañaque City councilor Vanessa Lacsamana a.k.a. Alma Moreno wed Marawi City Mayor Fahad Salic in a Muslim rite two Saturdays ago. Alma is now officially the city’s Fourth Lady.

Parañaque City councilor Alma Moreno has married Marawi City Mayor Fahad Salic who, according to reports, has three other women. But that didn’t bother Alma who was previously married to another mayor with twice as many.

glvanannae Annabelle Rama Sued
GMA executive Wilma Galvante has sued talent manager Annabelle Rama for libel. She also asked the court to order the Bureau of Food and Drugs to test Rama’s mouth for salmonella “dahil sobrang dumi ng lumalabas dito.”
________________
“A stiff apology is a second insult. The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt.”
~G.K. Chesterton

THE FIGHT IS ON


Pacquiao vs. DeLa Hoya
Reports say Manny Pacquiao and Oscar De La Hoya are scheduled to meet on December 6 for the 100 million dollar-welterweight fight. Both camps have agreed to push through with the eagerly-awaited bout which stands to benefit De La Hoya and Pacquiao… as well as GMA7 and Solar Sports.

Annabelle Rama vs. Wilma Galvante
According to talent manager Annabelle Rama, GMA7 senior vice president for entertainment Wilma Galvante is “a devil.” Galvante opted to ignore Rama’s potshot but made it clear that if provoked again, she might retaliate… with her pitchfork.

Cruz and Condom
Lingayen-Dagupan Archbishop Oscar Cruz said the use of condom is not 100 percent effective versus HIV. To prove his claim, he’s now gathering statistics on the number of HIV-positive sacristans.

MJ Turns 50
Michael Jackson who turned 50 years old on August 29 says he is very proud of his achievements… particularly, his uber-successful transformation from a cute, black American boy to a scary white American girl.

MJ Turns 50 II
Yesterday, August 29 Michael Jackson turned 50 years old… or just a few more years before he finally completes the world’s first ever case of reverse evolution.

Check this out: The History of Michael Jackson’s Face