18 05 2010

LP Not Giving Up
In a press conference Monday, the Liberal Party claimed that based on 88 certificates of canvass (81 percent) obtained by the party, Mar Roxas led Jejomar Binay by 137,404 votes. LP stalwarts did not reveal though whose idea was it to publicly give Roxas… false hopes.

During Liberal Party’s press con last Monday, May 17, PAGASA reported that temperature in Metro Manila sizzled at 37.3 degrees Celsius. Now you know why Binay’s lead over Roxas evaporated.

Based on official tally though, Mar Roxas is losing the vice presidential race to Jejomar Binay. Roxas and the Liberal Party are shocked. They couldn’t believe that Binay and even Erap would actually be this strong. In fact, the Binay-Erap tandem has become LP’s second strongest competition… next only to the tandem of Conrado De Quiros and William Esposo.

Questions and Answers
Q1: “Senator, hindi ba kayo naaawa kay Governor Salceda? Sunog na sunog na eh.”
A1: “Sus! ‘Di naman halata. Hayaan na natin. ‘Tsaka, nag-sunblock lotion ‘yan kanina.”

Q2: “Senator, bakit kayong lahat naka-yellow pero ‘yung mama sa likuran naka-blue?”
A2: “Naku! Hayaan mo na siya. Basta ang iboboto ng pamilya namin, ‘yung laging naka-dilaw!”

Q3: “Meron po bang ‘B?’”
A3: “Alam mo, taga-IBC 13 ka na nga lang, ikaw pa ang malakas mang-intriga! Next question pls!”

Q4: “Senator, kung mananalo po kayo at matatalo si Mar Roxas… why not?”
A4: “Lokohan na ‘to! Tama na! Aalis na kami.”

Vocal Local
In Quezon City: Actress and defeated vice mayoral candidate Aiko Melendez is reportedly filing a petition before the Comelec against what her camp alleged were “preprogrammed” PCOS machines. A shocked Melendez claimed she got zero votes in her bailiwicks… something that if proven true will finally disprove the popular notion that many Quezon City residents are idiots.

In Manila: After being trounced by incumbent mayor Alfredo Lim in the May 10 polls, mayoral candidate Lito Atienza filed an election protest claiming that some PCOS machines may have been “preprogrammed” to make Lim win even in some known Atienza bailiwicks. Asked if he took the cue from Quezon City’s Aiko Melendez, Atienza replied, “Definitely not! I can spell ‘bailiwick.’”

Accompanied by his loyal supporters, defeated mayoral candidate Lito Atienza went to the local Comelec office Monday and filed an electoral protest. But tension rose outside the office when Kuya Kim Atienza suddenly appeared, and told his dad’s supporters, “Maaaadlang pipol…. vote mo, show mo!”

In Quezon Province: Outgoing Governor Rafael Nantes was killed when his private chopper crashed in Lucena City Monday. Supporters of the defeated re-electionist were quick to deny rumors that the chopper crashed because of“shipment” overload.

Remember Rafael Nantes? The former congressman and outgoing Quezon governor who had been linked to the illegal drug trade was killed in a plane crash Monday. Probers are now checking on reports that Nantes’ private pilot was flying ‘high.’

And finally, in my home province of Batangas: Actress Vilma Santos was re-elected governor… making her the first gubernatorial candidate to win against a corpse.

Kris Stays
Amid calls for her to fulfill a promise, incoming presidential sister Kris Aquino announced Sunday that she’s not leaving the country… disappointing the 22,000plus members of the Facebook group, ‘Kris Aquino’s Despedida,‘ her brother’s critics, and James Yap.

“Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness.”
~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Briefly Noted
Did you read Conrado De Quiros’ two-part column “about” and “against” the Hyatt 10, The Firm, and Mar Roxas diehards in the Liberal Party? Geez, these people must be debating among themselves now: who should draft the rejoinder? Will there be a Korina Sanchez vs. Conrado De Quiros Part 2? Abangan!

Survey Says
Sino ang dapat sisihin sakaling matalo si Sen. Mar Roxas?
Ang ‘Team Noy-Bi’ sa Liberal Party 27%
S’ya mismo at ang mga campaign strategists niya! 46%
Wala. It’s his fate to lose. 27%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

My sincerest apologies to Mark Tare of the Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism. His group requested for an interview prior to Election Day but due to a tight sked, I failed to grant their request. Anyway, here’s PCIJ’s online article on political humor: Joke the vote, pun the bets

More Personal
My LA Lakers massacred Los Suns in Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals. Kobe Bryant dropped 40. Wohoo!



25 01 2009

Local Obama
Last November, supporters of Jejomar Binay hailed the Makati City mayor as the Philippines’ Barack Obama. Last week though, deposed president Joseph Estrada’s spokesperson Margaux Salcedo said, “If there is anybody who we can call Barack Obama of the Philippines, it would [be] former President Estrada.” I think Salcedo was being humble though. Erap actually has the complete package: Obama’s charisma, Clinton’s sex appeal, and of course, Bush’s brains.

Supporters of Jojo Binay say he is this country’s Barack Obama, and Erap’s spokesperson believes the ex-president is the Philippines’ Barack Obama. Asked if she could also be our own Obama, presidential contender, Loren Legarda said, “I don’t know. Basta ang alam ko, I used to be married to a Dick Cheney.”

Take Two
Barack Obama had to take his oath of office twice because of a mistake committed by US Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts during the inauguration. Some people are making a big fuss out of Roberts’ flub. But you know what? That’s really nothing. Roberts only got the words wrong; Hilario Davide got the wrong president.

A classical performance by four acclaimed musicians: cellist Yo-Yo Ma, violinist Itzhak Perlman, pianist Gabriella Montero, and clarinetist Anthony McGill during the Obama inauguration turned out to be pre-recorded. Carole Florman, a spokeswoman for the Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies, said the weather was too cold for the instruments to stay in tune. Irate fans believe Yo-Yo Ma’s Chinese parents had a hand in the “fake performance.”

Trillanes’ Expenses
A Commission on Audit report obtained by the Philippine Star showed that detained senator Antonio Trillanes spent more than half a million pesos for travel in the six months after his election in 2007. That was really surprising because the last time we all saw him out of jail, he was making his way on foot from Makati City Hall to The Manila Peninsula. Where is the travel expense in that?

According to the Commission on Audit, detained senator Antonio Trillanes spent more than half a million pesos for travel in the six months after his election in 2007. Visibly surprised by the COA report, new age guru Jaime Licauco said, “While it’s always possible for the senator to do astral travel, there was absolutely no need for him to spend a single centavo for that.”

Ateneo Turns 150
Ateneo De Manila University kicked off the celebration of its sesquicentennial or 150th year last week. Yup, Ateneo is 150 years old, and it shows! Then, they had the likes of Jose Rizal, Juan Luna, and Gregorio Del Pilar; today, you have the Jocelyn Bolantes, the Jose Miguel Arroyos, the Celso de los Angeleses, and the Jinggoys and Joseph Estradas.

Palparan’s Return?
Malacañang is considering former retired military general Jovito Palparan for a post in the Dangerous Drugs Board. Sought for a reaction on his impending appointment, Palparan said, “I hate Reds, alam n’yo ‘yan. Kaya ‘yong mapupula ang mata d’yan, magbago na kayo! Or else…”

The Vatican Online
You’ve probably heard about this. Pope Benedict XVI has launched his own YouTube Channel. The site is expected to become the second favorite among Catholic priests… next only to the YouTube channel of the Jonas Brothers.

below Again, Belo
Brokenhearted and still hurting from her break up with the 28-year-young Hayden Kho, 53-year-old cosmetic surgery expert Vicki Belo is reportedly spending some time alone overseas to “soul search.” But considering the extent of what she has done to her whole body, I wonder if there’s still a “soul” out there who’s willing to take it.

A 39-year-old Thai woman established a new world record by spending 33 days with 5000 scorpions. Back here, a Batasan Complex security guard is trying to establish his own record by mingling and spending three years with 238 crocodiles.

Personal esposo
I’d like to thank Philippine Star columnist William Esposo a.k.a. Chair Wrecker for the flattering write up on “The Professional Heckler” today January 25, 2009.

Survey Says…
What local news program do you prefer?
News on Q: 26%
24 Oras: 24%
TV Patrol: 17%
Newswatch: 11%
Bandila: 8 %
News Central: 5%
T.E.N.: 4%
Saksi: 2%
Others: 3%

We have a new survey. Vote now.

“Winners compare their achievements with their goals, while losers compare their achievements with those of other people.”
~Nido Qubein

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