WELCOME!


THE GOOD NEWS is the world’s 7 billionth baby was born on October 31. The bad news is the person who did the head count died of exhaustion this morning.

The United Nations announced the birth of the world’s 7 billionth baby. Mar Roxas wants a recount.

A Filipina became the mother of the world’s symbolic 7 billionth baby yesterday. Today, Sen. Tito Sotto demanded to see the baby’s birth certificate.

Yahoo! News reported that the United Nations marked October 31 with a series of symbolic 7-billionth babies being born. Baby Danica May Camacho of the Philippines was the first. Take that China!


As I correctly predicted last October 17, the world’s (symbolic) 7 billionth baby will be born in Manila’s Fabella Memorial Hospital. What I failed to predict though was that the event will be sponsored by Goldilocks.

Baby Danica May Camacho was welcomed with a chocolate cake from the United Nations. What an unhealthy start!

Several symbolic 7 billionth babies were welcomed by mothers of different nationalities. Surprisingly, not one of those moms was Nadya Suleman.

This just in: World population will have to remain at 7 billion until experts have decided who the real 7 billionth human is!

Undas 2011
As of 3PM, Tuesday, police put the crowd estimate at the Manila North Cemetery at 1 million 100 thousand (1.1M). So far, everbody has been cooperative to authorities… except for the one million one hundred thousandth person who is demanding a chocolate cake from UN.

At 54 hectares, the Manila North Cemetery is one of the country’s biggest cemeteries. To give you an idea of how huge it is, one side is controlled by the Manila police; the opposite side is controlled by the MILF.

The Philippine National Police says the observance of Undas 2011 is “generally peaceful.” The PNP’s assessment of the peace and order situation this year is generally rehash.

Donations
A week after Malacañang admitted donating 5 million pesos to the MILF, palace officials confirmed reports that the government plans to donate some P31 million in livelihood assistance to the Alex Boncayao Brigade, a breakaway Communist group. Being enemies of the state has never been this rewarding. So if you want to rebel against the government, now is the time.

Abu Sayyaf
Despite the All Saints Day break, the military says it will not stop its offensive against the Abu Sayyaf Group until the terrorists are eliminated. Unfazed, the Abu Sayyaf Group says it will not stop its offensive against the military until it receives donation from Malacañang.

Reports say Malaysian Jemaah Islamiyah leader Zulkipli bin Hir alias Marwan, could have been killed in an airstrike in Indanan, Sulu last Sunday. But the military is still verifying the report, or as Sen. Tito Sotto would say, “Death certificate muna.”

The Ligots
The National Bureau of Investigation failed to locate former military comptroller Jacinto Ligot & wife, Erlinda. But NASA believes the couple landed somewhere in the Pacific.

Former AFP comptroller Jacinto Ligot & wife, Erlinda couldn’t be located by the NBI. Apparently, they haven’t checked Marlene Aguilar’s basement.

(Breaking News: The Ligots surfaced Wednesday at the Court of Tax Appeal.)

Charice’ Dad
Charice Pempengco’s father Ricky Pempengco was stabbed to death in San Pedro, Laguna Monday night. The international singing sensation and her mother Raquel are seeking all-out justice while Ricky Pempengco’s relatives have declared an all-out war against them.

Kim & Kris
After only 72 days, reality TV star Kim Kardashian is filing for divorce from her NBA husband, Kris Humphries. Kim made the decision after she discovered that Kris withdrew 5 million from their joint account.
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“Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.”
~ Sam Levenson


Quotes of the Week
“Hindi kami makapaniwala na may kinalaman nga siya, hangga’t hindi napapatunayan, beyond reasonable doubt, na ginawa nga niya ang ibinibintang sa kanya. Hindi pa man naililibing ang isa, isinasangkot naman ang isa pa. Gayunpaman, kung sinuman ang tunay na may kagagawan nito, kahit sino pa siya, dapat siyang managot.”
~Sen. Bong Revilla after the arrest of Ramon Joseph Bautista (Revilla) who was being tagged as the mastermind in the killing of his older brother Ram Revilla last Friday

“They may want to pay their respects to their dead. It is, after all, a tradition…”
~ NBI deputy director for intelligence serviceS, Atty. Ruel Lasala on the Ligots’ failure to surface despite the pending arrest warrants

You Have Spoken
Sa isyu ng 5 milyong pisong “donasyon” ng pamahalaang Aquino sa MILF:
-Pinapa-account naman ng administrasyon kung saan ginastos eh. Malay n’yo sa napag-usapang proyekto naman napunta! 8.67%
-Kalaban ng gobyerno, pinopondohan ng gobyerno ang proyekto? Astig huh! 82.08%
-Aalamin ko muna ang isyu. 9.25%

Have a great week! Merry Christmas!

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UNDAS 2011


IT’S THAT ANNUAL tradition again. We remember the dead by visiting them in memorial parks. They actually have an option to visit the living but few people are happy with the idea.

Unfortunately, the Arroyos cannot just leave their homes and go to the cemetery. I heard Justice Secretary Leila De Lima wanted them to seek permission first.

Every Filipino Catholic family is expected to visit their dearly departed in the cemetery. Take that Marcos family!

Trick or treating is a Halloween tradition observed around the world. Yesterday, children in costumes visited the Times Street residence of President Aquino. The President gave candies and toys to every kid except for one who’s infamously known in neighborhood for being rebellious. So instead of candies and toys, the President gave him P5M.

This coming week, President Aquino will go to Manila Memorial Park to visit his parents. Susan Roces will be at the Manila North Cemetery to visit FPJ. Migs Zubiri will also go the cemetery to visit his political career.


Reports say the cost of flowers have gone up yet again. Militants are upset. Saying the price increase was unjust and anti-poor, they denounced the Big 3: Chrysanthemum, Orchids, and Roses.

Every Undas season, people love talking about scary places in the Philippines. There’s Quezon City’s Balete Drive; Baguio City’s Laperal White House, and the latest but scariest place of them all, the MILF’s “area of temporary stay.”

Also during Undas, people love sharing really scary stories. Here’s mine: Jacinto and Erlinda Ligot who have been ordered arrested for tax evasion are now missing! Awooooo!

IN THE NEWS…
The Department of Justice has indicted director and almost National Arist Carlo J. Caparas for tax evasion. I wonder when will he be indicted for making those awful movies.

Claudine/Raymart
Celebrity couple Claudine Barretto and Raymart Santiago have released a joint statement denying rumors they have separated. Claudine and Raymart insist they are committed to their marriage, to their children, and  to their product endorsements.

Claudine Barretto and Raymart Santiago have released a joint statement. A few weeks from now, Raymart is expected to “withdraw” the statement.
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“I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.”
~Bob Monkhouse

iGuess No. 1:
An incumbent member of the House of Representatives is showcasing strangeness on Twitter. It’s as if a person of multiple personalities has been posting those tweets. Weird. Is this congressperson on drugs?

iGuess No. 2:
A recent confrontation between a famous couple turned nasty. Wifey tried to attack hubby with a bladed weapon. Hubby tried to defend self. The fight was witnessed by one of wifey’s siblings who happened to be visiting the couple. Sibling tried to pacify incensed sister and was hurt instead. Hubby rushed sibling-in-law to the hospital. Clues: Wifey is related to a politician. Hubby is ‘from” South America.

Personal
October 29, 2011: Happy birthday to Mr. Eugenio Abunda Jr. You’re the best Kuya Boy! Maraming salamat!

Have fun! Enjoy your long weekend! Take care!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.