TESTS

FIRST GENTLEMAN MIKE ARROYO, who was released from the hospital last week, gets a couple of good news today. One, he is now allowed to go out for a walk, and two, Prospero Nograles is now supporting Manny Villar.

Leaving Lakas?
House Speaker Prospero Nograles, Lakas vice chairman, has thrown his support behind Nacionalista Party’s Manny Villar. It took some time before Nograles made a decision. So when he discovered that his heart was really for the NP leader, he ran around the hotel naked shouting Villar’s name.

Prospero Nograles has reportedly bolted Lakas and is now supporting the presidential bid of Manny Villar. But Nograles’ decision did not shock Lakas standard-bearer Gilbert Teodoro. In fact, Gibô was more surprised by the reported death of veteran comedian Palito saying, “Buhay pa pala siya?!?”

All-Time Low
The Social Weather Stations says President Arroyo’s net satisfaction rating is down to –53 percent, an all-time low. Because of the “F” or failing grade she received from Filipinos, Mrs. Arroyo says she’s more than willing to repeat.


Poland in Mourning
Polish President Lech Kaczynski, his wife Maria, and dozens of political, military, and religious leaders of Poland were killed in a plane crash last Sunday. Unverified reports say, before the plane crashed, it was flying too low. Yeah, it was flying too low that it almost collided with President Arroyo’s satisfaction rating.

Polish President Lech Kaczynski, his wife, and dozens of political, military, and religious leaders of Poland were killed in a plane crash last Sunday. Tsk… tsk… tsk. Napag-iiwanan na talaga ang Pilipinas!

MVP Stays
The Ateneo De Manila University Board of Trustees has decided to reject the resignation of its chairman Manuel V. Pangilinan. Consequently, the board announced that the university is adopting a new slogan. From “Lux Domino” (Light in the Lord), the new slogan will be, “Plagiarius est non bonus tamen nos postulo viaticus” (Plagiarism is not good but we need cash).

LP vs. NP
Sen. Manny Villar has challenged Sen. Noynoy Aquino to undergo a psychiatric test. Felt slighted by the challenge, Noynoy told Villar, “Magpapa-psychiatric test lang ako kung mamamatay ka muna dahil walang pampagamot.”

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“It all comes down to serving the ones who are fighting alongside you, watching your back, putting a weapon in your hand when you need it most.”
~James Luceno

Survey Says
Sino ang dapat sisihin sa nangyayaring batuhan ng putik sa kampanya?
Partido Liberal ni NOYNOY 14%
Partido Nacionalista ni VILLAR 24%
Pareho sila! Punyeta! 62%

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Today is April 13
On this date in…

1997: Tiger Woods becomes the youngest golfer to win The Masters Tournament at 21. He celebrates the victory by having sex with 21 women.

1977: Elvis Presley’s “All Shook Up” is released… instantly becoming a hit among members of Lakas-CMD-Kampi.

1880: At the Ateneo De Manila, Dr. Jose Rizal writes the allegory titled Consejo de los Dioses (Council of the Gods) and wins a prize. Rizal relinquished the prize a week later after admitting that portions of his work were plagiarized.

Enjoy the rest of the week!

Personal
Have you received your latest Meralco billing statement? Punyeta! Manny Pangilinan, maldita ka! Ano ‘tong ginawa mo?!? Ang laki ng babayarin namin!%3%@7#*&)

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