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WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

6 11 2017

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ACCORDING TO Charles Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees. For Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross roads. While Martin Luther King Jr. said: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

As for some famous and infamous Filipinos of today, here’s how they answered the age-old question: Why did the chicken cross the road?

20: Sara Duterte: Pupunta sa rally. Sangkot ‘yan sa destabilization plot!

19: Manny Pacquiao: Para mangitlog. Sabi kasi sa Genesis 1:22 Let the birds multiply on the earth. ‘Di naman sinabing, “Let the birds subtraction on the earth,” ‘di ba? Amen!

18: Ka-DDS: Dilawan ang kinginang hindot na manok na ‘yan. Papansin! Sana pala nasagasaan na lang ang hayop na ‘yan para mamatay na! We love you Tatay Digong! Petmalu ka talaga! Lodi! #Godblessed

17: PBA Commissioner Chito Narvasa: Suddenly, parang ang laking isyu ng pag-apruba ko sa pagtawid ng manok. I have always been fair. Kung inyong matatandaan, inaprubahan ko rin noon ang pagtawid ng aso at pusa.

16: Salvador Panelo: To fuck like an 18-year-old.

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15: Bato de la Rosa: ‘Pag ako ang naging presidente, ipagpapagawa ko ng sariling kalsada ang mga manok!

14: Sen. Antonio Trillanes: Ayon sa aking source, may mga sikretong pugad ang manok na ‘yan sa kabilang side ng kalsada.

13: Paolo Duterte: I refuse to answer. No way!

12: Richard Gordon: Katulad ng sinabi ko sa committee report, walang matibay na ebidensya to conclude na tumawid nga ang manok!

11: Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales: We will investigate. This Office shall proceed with the probe as mandated by the Constitution. If the chicken has nothing to hide, it has nothing to fear.”

10: Imee Marcos: Anong alam ko d’yan eh ang liit-liit ko pa noong tumawid ang manok na ‘yan.

9: Harry Roque: Binato ko ng hollow blocks. Ang ingay eh.

8: Alan Peter Cayetano:

7: Tito Sotto: Sabi nga ni Manny, mangingitlog ang manok kaya tumawid. At napag-alaman ko ring marami na palang naging sisiw ‘yan. Kapag maraming sisiw pero single, ang tawag doon ay ‘na-ano lang.’

6: Vitaliano Aguirre: Ayon sa affidavit ng mga nakakulong na tandang, pakana ni De Lima ang pagtawid ng manok!

5: Philippine News Agency: At press time, ito pa lamang ang nakakalap naming impormasyon tungkol sa isyu:

1ChickenPNA

4: Sen. Leila De Lima: Hindi po dapat kinukuwestyon ang ginawa ng manok. Walang batas na nagbabawal sa pagtawid nito. Anumang pagsupil sa kagustuhan nitong makatawid ay malinaw na paglabag sa karapatang panghayop.

3: President Duterte: Adik ang manok na ‘yan. Alam niyang may mga dumadaang sasakyan tapos tatawid siya? Eh ‘di adik ang putang inang ‘yan!

2: Mocha Uson: Malinaw pong kasalanan ni Leni Robredo kung bakit napilitang tumawid ang manok. Napakaluwang po ng sidewalk kung saan siya pwedeng mag-abang ng bus papuntang Bicol. Pero anong ginawa niya? Doon siya nag-abang sa kinatatayuan ng manok; kaya ang kawawang chicken, tumawid! Eh kung nasagasaan ‘yon? Napakawalanghiya po talaga ng babaeng ito. Kahit kailan, bobo! Mga Ka-DDS, paki-share ng picture na ito.

1Leni

And lastly, why did the chicken cross the road?

1: Martin Andanar: Para umiyot. Kulang kasi sa iyot ‘yan kaya putak nang putak.
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“When injustice becomes law, resistance becomes duty.”
~Thomas Jefferson

In Other News…
A raid conducted at the condo unit of Diana Uy, daughter of convicted drug queen Yu Yuk Lai, near Malacañang, yielded some 10 million pesos worth of shabu. The raiding team then discovered that Uy’s security detail was a member of the PNP Security and Protection Group (PSPG). ATM: Malacañang’s spin doctors are figuring out a way to link De Lima and the LP to the police officer.

Damage
Palace spokesman Harry Roque said Chief Justice Maria Lourdes Sereno should step down “to spare the Supreme Court from any further damage.” If Roque wanted the public to believe he’s genuinely concerned, he should advise his boss to step down to spare this nation from any further ruin.

Drop
According to the latest SWS survey, fewer Filipinos believe President Duterte can fulfill his promises. From 52 percent in June, it dropped to 37 percent in September. The survey was conducted from Sept. 23 to 27, using face-to-face interviews of 1,500 adults 18 years old and above. The survey question was “Tulog ka pa rin ba?”

Sound Bites
“Despite the personal attacks against Sereno and her being the Chief Justice, she remains committed to fulfilling her duties as the highest magistrate in the land.”
~Chief Justice Maria Lourdes Sereno’s lawyers on Harry Roque’s resignation call

Hold on.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine News Agency; Philippine Star]

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