14 02 2009

Top 10 Political Valentine Card Messages

10. To Lance Corporal Daniel Smith
From New Bilibid Prisons Inmates

Roses are red
Violets are blue
We’re so excited
Can’t wait for you.

9. To The Senate
From Jocjoc Bolante

How do I lie thee?
Let me count the ways.

8. To the Three Alabang Boys
From PDEA Director Dionisio Santiago

O, drug dealers na makapangyarihan
Sampung prosecutors ang nasasaklawan
Kapag pumasok kayo saan mang kulungan
Susuhulan lahat lumaya ka lamang.

7. To DOJ Prosecutor John Resado
From The Alabang Boys

Thank you for tryin’
we appreciate it
Just return our money
or get mired in deep shit.

6. To All German Nationals in the Philippines
From Sen. Lito Lapid with Love on Valentine’s Day

Penpen de sarapen
De kutsilyo de almasen
Haw haw de carabao
De van hauten.

5. To Loren
From Your ex, Tony Leviste

All alone in my cell, I think of you my darling
Will you visit me today for an hour of canoodling?
I’ve got a bed, two soft pillows, and a tv set to boot
I vow to be gentle, I promise not to shoot!

4. To Ping and Jamby
From Manny Villar

On Valentine’s Day I forgive, I forget
Just stop the big fuss about the C-5 budget
Double insertion? Did you say I’m guilty?
My wife’s a billionaire so that’s a baloney!

3. To Korina
From Mar Roxas

Thanks for the support oh my dearest one
Next year, I promise, we’ll be in Malacañang
“First Lady” of the land, isn’t that what you wanted?
And I, your President, ‘tang ina, I’m excited!

2. To The World Bank and the Senate
From First Gentleman Mike Arroyo

On this day of hearts, I appeal to thee
My heart is so weak, so please have some mercy
Hearsay! Malicious! The reports are baseless
Even if you ask Merceditas Gutierrez!

And the No. 1 Political Valentine Card Message…

1. To President Arroyo
From US President Barack Obama

I really am sorry for ignoring you dear
I just don’t feel comfy whenever you’re near
My target is to make the U.S.A. better
While your only goal is to change a Charter!

Another New York Plane Crash
A Continental Express plane with 48 people aboard crashed into a Buffalo home in upstate New York. But here’s a more shocking revelation. Unknown to everyone, during US President Barack Obama’s inauguration, a commercial plane ran out of gas while flying over Washington DC. Luckily, the pilot safely landed the aircraft… on Aretha Franklin’s hat.

paule Paule in Pasay
Remember businessman Jaime Paule? The alleged bagman in the P728M fertilizer fund scam who was ordered arrested by the Senate at the St. Luke’s Medical Center is now detained at the Pasay City jail. Isn’t that a double whammy? Makukulong ka na nga lang sa Pasay City Jail pa! And did you see the detention cell? That’s not a jail man. That’s a cage!

Australian Wildfires
Australian authorities have arrested an arson suspect responsible for the wildfires that have so far killed 181 people and left thousands homeless. Nope, there’s no truth to rumors that the suspect was arrested at the St. Luke’s Medical Center.

Check out the fascinating story about a boy who fathered a child at 13.

Survey Says…
Are you going out on a romantic date on Valentine’s Day?
No: 36%
Date? What date?! : 32%
Hopefully: 18%
Yes: 14%
Others: 1%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

“Minamalat na naman ang puso ko. Pa’no kasi, laging isinisigaw ang pangalan mo.”
~Filipino Pick-up Line



3 06 2008

null Jude Marries, Finally!

Joseph Estrada’s 40-year-old son Jude Estrada takes home a bride. That should finally quell rumors that Erap and Loi actually have two daughters.

Erap’s Advice

During the wedding of his son Jude, former president Joseph Estrada told him, “Limit your children kasi mahal ang bigas.” Jude then hugged his father tightly and whispered, “Dad, thanks a lot! That’s the best advice you’ve given me, ever!”

The Bride’s Promise

At the reception, Jude Estrada’s new wife, Ma. Rowena Ocampo declared, “No matter what they say about you, I will always be here for you.” That’s the exact statement Eric Valade told Jamby Madrigal when they got married in 2002.

Top 5 Things Overheard At the Wedding of Jude Estrada

5: “Pare, ‘wag kang mawalan ng pag-asa sa anak mong tomboy. Malay mo, ikaw naman ang sumunod na makaranas ng himala.”

4: Female Voice: “Hon, anong feeling mo na ikakasal na tayo?”
Male Voice: “Keri lang. Promise.”

3: “Hmmm, siya pala ang bride. Magkano kaya?”

2: “I now pronounce you – Will and Grace, er, I mean, husband and wife.”

And the No.1 thing overheard at the wedding of Jude Estrada…

1: “Daddy, Mommy, Kuya, Ate… siguro naman, maniniwala na kayo ngayon na hindi ako bakla. Tingnan n’yo naman ang asawa ko, ang ganda ganda. Ako ang nag-make up d’yan!”

Pia and Downy

Defending her endorsement of Downy Fabric Softener, Sen. Pia Cayetano said, “I personally lent my name to a good cause, which is saving water.” Today’s lesson: “Huwag itapon ang pinagbanlawan. Gamitin sa susunod na saing.”

null Loren On Noli’s Ads

Lucida DS endorser Sen. Loren Legarda slams Vice President Noli De Castro for allegedly spending 200 million pesos in public funds for PAG-IBIG Fund’s advertisements which she describes as being used to promote his political plans. De Castro retaliated by saying that he’s at least promoting housing unlike Legarda who’s promoting whitening.

Pag-IBIG On Noli’s Ads

Pag-IBIG Fund clarified that only 50 million pesos was spent for Vice President Noli De Castro’s public service ads. But Loren Legarda is still furious. Even if she loses half of her body’s melanin pigment, Lucida wouldn’t spend that same amount for her billboards.

Loren on 2010 Polls

Talking about the 2010 presidential elections, Sen. Loren Legarda told the media, “Tatakbo ako. Kahit ayaw nila akong patakbuhin, tatakbo ako.” When Loren’s jailed ex-husband Tony Leviste heard her statement, he blurted out, “Masanay na kayo. Lahat tinatakbuhan n’yan!”

Lakas Line-Up

Lakas leaders released the names of tentative senatorial candidates for the 2010 national elections led by presidential son Mikey Arroyo. After learning about the inclusion of Mikey, thousands of Filipinos expressed support for the no-elections scenario.

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