AUTHORITIES say there’s no truth to rumors spreading via SMS that terrorists will bomb crowded areas in at least four cities in Metro Manila. It’s a hoax. In fact, the odds of getting killed by terrorists is so much lower than say, your chance of getting killed by riding the MRT.

Philstar_PepingUncle Peping
Former congressman Jose ‘Peping’ Cojuangco wants President Aquino to step down. In calling for his nephew’s resignation, Cojuangco said the government must be reformed. To which, Aquino replied, “You first.”

Former congressman Peping Cojuangco wants his nephew, Noynoy Aquino to step down as president of the Philippines. In response, Aquino was like, “Only if you’ll step down as president of the Philippine Olympic Committee.”

Peping Cojuangco said, “I believe God’s hand is now moving in favor of major reforms this country needs.” When sought for comment on Cojuangco’s statement, God said, “Sino ‘yon?”

NTC_VidalBishops, Too
At least six Catholic bishops have reportedly called for the resignation of President Aquino. Cebu Archbishop Emeritus Cardinal Vidal, in a statement said, “recent developments have made the resignation call even more urgent and imperative.” Of course, President Aquino and Cardinal Vidal are different. One is an old, loveless, sad man whose influence and credibility have clearly diminished, and the other one is President Aquino.

LGBT Rights
According to an SWS survey, 85 percent of Filipinos believe that lesbians and gays have the right to be protected against the Catholic Church, excuse me, discrimination.

Kung Hei Fat Choi!
Feng shui expert Hanz Cua says 2015 is a lucky year for President Aquino. When he heard this, Peping Cojuangco immediately called for reforms in the feng shui industry.

According to feng shui expert Hanz Cua, President Aquino “will have a very happy love life.” Times like this, that’s exactly what the President needs to hear from people like Hanz Cua: false hope.

The President will have a girlfriend in 2015 according to a feng shui expert. The potential girlfriend has been described as young, beautiful, and a huge fan of Hugh Hefner.

Ash Wednesday marks the start of Lent. Traditionally, Christians give up something for this annual observance as a sacrifice. Some people give up certain food or drink; others give up habits or something they truly love. President Aquino gave up Alan Purisima in advance.

Former Masbate representative and incumbent governor Rizalina Seachon-Lanete surrendered to authorities Thursday. She is facing plunder and graft charges in connection with the pork barrel scam. Lanete has asked the Sandiganbayan that she be locked up in the PNP Custodial Center in Camp Crame where Jinggoy and Bong Revilla are currently detained. In other news, authorities have denied reports that the PNP Custodial Center will be renamed PNP Crocodile Center.

The Supreme Court has ruled with finality on the disqualification of former Laguna governor ER Ejercito for overspending in the 2013 elections. He was prevented from taking his post back. When will the Supreme Court prevent him from making movies and cringe-worthy posters?

E.R. Ejercito recently announced his plans of acting in a movie about the Fallen 44. Netizens were divided on the issue. Fifty percent didn’t like idea; the other 50 percent hated it.

Design and image editing tool Photoshop has just turned 25. Happy birthday Photoshop! And thank you for making so many people feel so much better about themselves.
“The power-hungry individual follows a path to his own destruction.”

“Why would he do that movie? As a movie actor, I don’t see any good reason to make it as a movie. It could be in bad taste. The tension is still very high. It will only generate animosity. There is nothing to be proud about the incident. I am very much against it.”
~Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada on ER Ejercito’s plan of doing a SAFF44 movie

Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philstar.Com: Peping Cojuangco; NTC Facebook: Vidal;; Angelina Jolie; ER Ejercito’s Facebook]


ON SEPTEMBER 16, Monday, 38 people were charged with either plunder, malversation of funds, direct bribery or graft and corrupt practices. Again, that’s 38 people. Secretary De Lima called the day “historic.” Defense lawyers called it “job fair.”

Juan Ponce Enrile did not show up at the Senate last Monday. According to Jinggoy Estrada, the 89-year-old lawmaker was hospitalized. Estrada said it was high blood pressure. The public suspected it was a ‘dry run.’

Reports say around 750,000 pages of documents and evidence were turned over by the Department of Justice to the Office of the Ombudsman. The Ombudsman vows to file charges before the Sandiganbayan as soon as possible. President Aquino’s term ends in two and a half years. They don’t have much time. To which Enrile said, “Lalo naman ako!”

According to the National Bureau of Investigation, Senators Juan Ponce Enrile, Jinggoy Estrada and Bong Revilla pocketed some 581 million pesos in kickbacks. Of the three, the NBI said actor Bong Revilla amassed the biggest amount: P224.5M! Or as bookers would call it, “Top grosser!”

The NBI said Bong Revilla got P224.5 million from the pork barrel scam allegedly perpetrated by Janet Lim-Napoles. To give you an idea of how huge that amount was, it’s bigger than the combined earnings of ‘Ang Panday’ and ‘Ang Panday 2’ in the Metro Manila Film Festival.

Reacting to the plunder charge, Bong Revilla said, “The truth will come out.” To which “the truth” replied, “‘Wag mo kong pangunahan! ‘Di tayo close!”

Bong Revilla appealed to the public to not prejudge him. He also denied accusations he put the “bong” in “pandarambong.”

Also charged with plunder last Monday was Jinggoy Estrada . In a statement, Jinggoy said, “They are conditioning the mind of the public that we are the worst thieves.” Fine. You are NOT… the worst.

Jinggoy Estrada has been charged with plunder anew. JV Ejercito’s closest friends shouted, “Blowout! Blowout! Blowout!”

untitled2Lanete of Masbate
Former Masbate Representative and now, governor Rizalina Seachon-Lanete allegedly pocketed P108.4 million. She was charged with plunder for misusing taxpayers’ money. A separate charge was filed against her for abusing taste and beauty.

QC Pork
According to Inquirer columnist Neal Cruz, each councilor in Quezon City receives 40 million pesos in pork barrel funds per year. And Janet Napoles was like, “Syet, bakit hindi ako na-inform?!?”

Tatad’s Tale
Manila Standard Today columnist and former senator Francisco ‘Kit’ Tatad wrote that President Aquino had lunch with Janet Lim-Napoles in Malacañang on the day she reportedly surrendered. But a number of people doubted the veracity of Tatad’s story because its opening line was, “Once upon a time…”

3UAAP CDC 2013
In the recently concluded UAAP Cheerdance Competition, 8-time titlist and defending champion UP Pep Squad was dethroned. Asked how it felt to be toppled from the top spot, members of the UP men’s basketball team replied, “Ano ‘yon?”
“Don’t let a thief into your house three times. The first time was enough. The second time was a chance. The third time means you’re stupid.”
~ C. JoyBell C.

Sound Bites
“Bakit naman ako magwi-wheelchair e sumi-sexy na nga ako?”
~Jinggoy Estrada

“This grandiose conspiracy theory peddled by Tatad is symptomatic of the old order that has been swept away. He represents what is wrong with our politics, and over the last decade, the Filipino people have made that abundantly clear by denying his return to public office twice.”
~Edwin Lacierda on Kit Tatad’s claim

Panagutin ang mga mandarambong!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer, Interaksyon, K Revealed Blog,Rappler, UP Pep Squad Facebook Page]