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OF BULLIES AND BALLS

3 10 2017

1dd
I HAVE stopped listening to Rodrigo Duterte’s interviews and speeches. Instead, I decided to watch HBO’s Emmy Award-winning limited series ‘Big Little Lies.’ Same themes – deception, abuse of power, and murder – but with likeable characters.

A friend said candidates for president should pass a mental health exam before they are allowed to run. I said voters should pass a similar exam before they are allowed to vote.

1CCM
Duterte said he would not cooperate with the Ombudsman’s probe into his alleged undeclared wealth and threatened to create a special body to investigate the Ombudsman instead. In response, Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales said, “This office will not be intimidated.” Unfortunately for Duterte, there are no Gordons, Sottos, or Pimentels at the Ombudsman to protect him.

Duterte dared, “Shoot me if I have more than 40 million pesos (in the bank).” That is unnecessary and a total waste of bullet. Everytime he opens his mouth, he shoots himself in the foot. That’s fine.

Amid reports he misdeclared his wealth, Duterte said, “Shoot me if I have more than 40 million.” Thinking Filipinos won’t do that to you Mr. Duterte. They’d rather see you alive – in prison.

Duterte also challenged Chief Justice Ma. Lourdes Sereno and Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales, “Let us resign!” In a joint statement, Sereno and Carpio Morales said, “We’re too busy Mr. President. Can we ignore you some other time?”

Duterte: Putang ina, hindi totoo ‘yong ibinibintang n’yo!

Conchita: Ows?

Duterte: ‘Tang ina! Kung may 40 million ako, shoot me!

Conchita: Really?

Duterte: ‘Tang ina, kung lagpas 200 million, magre-resign ako!

Chonchita: Talaga?

Duterte: ‘Tang ina, ‘pag may nakita kayong pera, sa inyo na.

Conchita: Fine. Sign the waiver.

Duterte:

Conchita:

Duterte: Ulol! Ano ako, tanga? ‘Tang ina!

Emergency
Allies of Rodrigo Duterte in the Lower House wants to grant him emergency powers to “take over” the operations of the Bureau of Customs. The House ways and means committee described the recommendation as “immediate” – while the Davao Group described it as “an answered prayer.”

New Group
In a press conference held Tuesday, Vitaliano Aguirre and Persida Acosta expressed support for a new group that called itself Citizen National Guard. The group aims to “defend the republic against enemies of the state.” In response, the state said, “No, thanks!”

Vitaliano Aguirre and Persida Acosta led the launching of a group called Citizen National Guard. Reports said the group was formed to protect the republic against “enemies of the state.” Which explains why mirrors were banned during the press con.

Also during the press conference, the newly formed group identified the “enemies of the state.” The list includes the CPP-NPA, ISIS-inspired terrorism, and drug cartels. Pulong Duterte was like, “May galit ba kayo sa akin?”

Wiretapping
A month after TV cameras at the Senate captured the screen of his cellphone showing a text exchange with VACC’s Jacinto Paras plotting against Sen. Risa Hontiveros, Vitaliano Aguirre filed a wiretapping case against the lady senator. Once tagged by Hontiveros as “fake news king,” Aguirre’s case is expected to be junked because text messages are not covered by the Anti-wiretapping Law. Even Aguirre’s case is fake.

Dogs
Duterte defender Tito Sotto is filing a libel case against the people behind popular Facebook page ‘Silent No More PH’ for calling him and other staunch Duterte allies at the Senate, “Malacañang dogs.” Other senators are reportedly keen on filing a similar case. Unverified reports say they are seeking 10 million pesos in compensatory damages and a year’s supply of Pedigree.

1LV
Las Vegas Massacre
Our thoughts go out to the victims of the mass shooting in Las Vegas, Nevada. The carnage left at least 59 people dead and more than 500 injured. Concerned Americans are now calling for stricter gun control. The Philippines can relate to mass killings. For months now, concerned Filipinos have been calling for presidential control.
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“Your complaints, your drama, your victim mentality, your whining, your blaming, and all of your excuses… Let go of your nonsense. Let go of the delusion that you deserve better.”
~Steve Maraboli, ‘Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience’

Sound Bites
“If the President has nothing to hide, he has nothing to fear.”
~Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales

“’Yong mga critics… ingrato kayo. Alam ko nakikinabang kayo sa peace and order na ‘dinulot sa atin ng war on drugs. Ingrato kayo.”
~PNP Chief Bato De La Rosa

Ulol.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: The Denver Post; Ombudsman: Rappler; Las Vegas: Getty Images]

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DIGONG & PULONG (PART 2)

12 09 2017

Untitled
THE DAY AFTER. In Malacañang…

Digong: Kumusta ang hearing?

Pulong: Sisiw si Trillanes, Pa! Pinagmukha kong tanga habang nangungulit tungkol sa tattoo!

Digong: Walang napiga?

Pulong: Wala!

Digong: Walang bagong witness?

Pulong: Wala!

Digong: Walang ebidensya?

Pulong: Walang-wala!

Digong: In short, wala akong anak na sangkot sa smuggling, tama?

Pulong: Pa, tattoo ang topic. ‘Wag mong ibahin ang usapan.

* * * * *

Digong: Kilala mo si Kat De Castro?

Pulong: Siya ba ‘yung mataba?

Digong: Grabe ka naman. Mataba agad? Fat-shaming ‘yan. Pwede namang DOT ang gamiting reference.

Pulong: Sige Pa, ulitin mo ang tanong.

Digong: Kilala mo si Kat De Castro?

Pulong: Siya ba ‘yung mataba sa DOT?

Digong:

Pulong: Ituloy mo na Pa; magtatagal tayo.

Digong: Sa Facebook kasi, grabe ang suporta sa ‘yo. Kapag siya raw ang sinabihang magpakita ng tattoo, ang isasagot daw niya, “NO FREAKIN WAY.”

Pulong: Bakit, Pa? Sino bang interesado sa tattoo niya?

Digong: Exactly.

* * * * *

Digong: O, balita ko gustong makita ni Trillanes ang tattoo mo.

Pulong: Oo, Pa. Pero ‘di ako pumayag kaya inis na inis ang gago.

Digong: Good! Tama ang ginawa mo.

Pulong: Siyempre, nakinig ako sa payo mo.

Digong: Sandali. Matindi ang mga ibinibintang sa ‘yo: May dragon tattoo ka at sangkot ka raw sa smuggling ng druga. Totoo ba?

Pulong: Dragon tattoo at smuggling ng droga?!? Tang ina! Mamatay man ako, wala akong dragon tattoo, Pa!

* * * * *

Digong: Kumusta ang hearing?

Pulong: Ok naman, Pa. Pinahiya ko ‘yung Trillanes.

Digong: Paano?

Pulong: Inamin kong may tattoo ako sa likod pero nang sabihan akong ipakita ang tattoo, tumayo ako. ‘Tapos, umikot ako nang dalawang beses sa buong session hall habang tinitingnan ang bawat senador. Walang nagsasalita. Tapos, lumapit ako. Pumuwesto ako sa likuran niya. Nakaupo siya, nakatayo ako. Then, inilapit ko ang bibig ko sa tainga niya at sinigawan ko: “NO WAY! Ke lalaking tao mo, gusto mong makita ang likod ng kapwa mo lalaki? Putang ina, bakla ka ba?! BAKLA KA BA? Kadiri ka!”

Digong: Tama ‘yang ginawa mo! Sumagot ba?

Pulong: Sumigaw din siya! “Putang ina, matagal nang tsismis ‘yan ah! ‘Di pa ba kayo nagsasawa?!?”

Digong: Huh?

Pulong: Mali pala ang sinigawan kong senador, Pa. Si Migz Zubiri pala. ‘Tang ina.

* * * * *

Digong: Kumusta ang hearing?

Pulong: Dapat nanood ka, Pa. Nagmukhang tae ‘yung Trillanes.

Digong: Paano?

Pulong: Nang tanungin niya ako kung may tattoo ako sa likuran, sabi ko, “Oo.” Ang sumunod na tanong, kung dragon daw ba, sabi ko, “I invoke my right to privacy.” Tapos nang utusan akong ipakita sa publiko ang likod ko, tumayo ako; lumapit ako sa kanya. ‘Tapos habang kaharap ko siya, sumigaw ako: “No way! Bakla ka ba? Putang ina, naturingan kang sundalo pero babakla-bakla ka?! Kadiri ka! Gago.”

Digong: Ang husay mo

Pulong: Siyempre Pa, mana sa ‘yo.

Digong: Ang husay mong gumawa ng kwento. Tang ina mo! Napanood ko ang hearing, walang ganyang nangyari. Ulol!

Untitled
Digong: O, ano ‘yung picture mong kasama ang smuggler na si Charlie Tan?

Pulong: Wala ‘yun Pa, kaibigan lang.

Digong: May picture kayo sa eroplano eh.

Pulong: Wala ‘yun Pa, kainuman lang.

Digong: Eh ‘yung picture n’yo sa China, sa restaurant, at sa hotel?

Pulong: Sandali lang, Pa. ‘Di ba may picture din kayong dalawa sa Malacañang? Tapos, hawak pa nga niya ang portrait mo. Ano mo ba si Charlie Tan? Sagot!

Digong: I invoke my right to privacy.

Pulong: Ama nga kita.

* * * * *

Digong: Ano ‘yung sinabi ni Trillanes na may 104 million pesos kang pera sa bangko? Ang liit-liit ng sweldo mo tapos may ganyan kang kalaking pera?!?

Pulong: Pati ba naman ikaw Pa, naniniwala sa kasinungalingan ng Trillanes na ’yan?

Digong: Para mawala ang duda ko, mag-sign ka ng waiver para i-open ang iyong bank accounts.

Pulong: Eh kung ikaw kaya muna Pa ang mag-sign ng waiver para i-open ang iyong bank accounts?

Digong: Tama ka eh! Sinungaling ang Trillanes na ‘yan! Hindi dapat paniwalaan!

* * * * *

Digong: Igaganti kita anak.

Pulong: Paano, Pa?

Digong: May hawak akong documents. May bank accounts daw abroad si Trillanes.

Pulong: Ang galing mo, Pa! Saan mo kinuha?

Digong: Sa social media.

Pulong:

Digong: Choosy ka pa? ‘Tang inang ito. Buti nga meron. Sige, ikaw ang maghanap!

* * * * *

Digong: O, tapos na ang hearing. Safe ka na.

Pulong: Pero Pa, may lalabas pang report ang Senado eh. Malay mo, mabanggit ang Davao Group doon.

Digong: Bakit? Kaninong committee ba ang gagawa ng report?

Pulong: Kay Gordon.

Digong: Spell Gordon.

Pulong: K-A-D-D-S… Gordon!

Digong: See?? Safe!
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“The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.”
~Franklin Pierce Adams

Sound Bites
“Secretary Aguirre undermines our justice system and his continued stay in office is a vulgar insult to the Filipino people and our efforts for a more just society.”
~Sen. Risa Hontiveros

#AguirreResign

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Trillanes/Pulong: ABSCBN News]








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