SIMPLY AMAZING

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Pacquiao Dominates Hatton
Filipino icon Manny Pacquiao knocked out Briton champ Ricky Hatton in Round 2 of their multi-million dollar slugfest at the MGM Grand Arena in Las Vegas, Nevada. The fight was so lopsided Hatton spent more time on the floor than on his feet.

Manny Pacquiao scored a technical knock out against British boxer Ricky Hatton in just 359 seconds. That was the fastest thing Pacquiao has done since leaving and re-signing with Solar Sports.

Manny Pacquiao posted his 49th career win when he finished off Ricky Hatton in just 359 seconds. Yup, it was that fast. The only thing faster was Korina’s reply to Mar Roxas’ question “Do you want to be my first lady?” She answered, “Yes!” in two seconds.

Pacquiao Hatton Boxing Manny Pacquiao decked Ricky Hatton in just 359 seconds. The only thing faster was Daniel Smith’s departure when the Court of Appeals acquitted him of rape.

Manny Pacquiao finished off Ricky Hatton in just 359 seconds. Yup, it was that fast. The only thing faster was Manny Villar’s denial that he sought two budget allocations for the same C5 road project.

Manny Pacquiao ended his bout with Ricky Hatton in just 359 seconds. Yes, it was that fast. The only thing faster was Ping Lacson’s decision on the ethics complaint against Manny Villar.

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Manny Pacquiao demolished Ricky Hatton in just 359 seconds. Yup, it was that fast. The only thing faster was how bad karma struck the now cancer-stricken Legacy founder Celso De Los Angeles.

Manny Pacquiao ended his bout with Ricky Hatton in just 359 seconds. Yup, it was that fast. The only thing faster was Ted Failon’s instruction to his maids to clean up their house when his wife allegedly killed herself.

Manny Pacquiao felled Ricky Hatton in just 359 seconds. Yup, it was that fast. The only thing faster was ABS-CBN’s acquittal of Ted Failon on his wife’s mysterious death.

pac-hatoom Did you catch Sir Tom Jones when he sang Britain’s national anthem “God Save the Queen?” Before the first round could even finish, he was heard singing “God Save Hatton.”

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Reports say Metro Manila was almost crime free during the Pacquiao-Hatton bout. The only unlawful acts committed were even seen on TV – the premature electioneering of Villar, Roxas, Lacson, Binay, Legarda, and if you noticed during the bout’s telecast: Teves, Teodoro, and Genuino.

pac-hatdionisa Pacquiao’s mother, Aling Dionisia was in Las Vegas, Nevada during her son’s fight. But the religious mom refused to watch the bout at ringside… because the MGM Grand Arena was charging extra for the Sto. Niño.

pac-hat6_tv The Pacquiao-Hatton fight was officially over before 12 noon. But GMA 7’s telecast ended at 3pm… fueling speculations that the Kapuso network was in a different time zone.

Computer statistics showed that Manny Pacquiao landed 73 of 127 punches, while Hatton made 18 of 78. GMA 7 fared better because it was able to air 150 of the 152 scheduled 30-second TV ads.

pacquiao_clinton Former US President Bill Clinton who visited Pacquiao in the latter’s hotel suite two days before the fight was equally stunned by Pacquiao’s superb punch that felled Hatton. It was the most powerful punch Clinton has seen in years… next only to Hilary’s.

Pacquiao Hatton Boxing
Top 5 Reasons Why Manny Pacquiao Ended the Fight So Quickly

No. 5: He caught Annabelle Rama and GMA executive Wilma Galvante trading dagger looks at ringside. He wanted to prevent a catfight.

No. 4: The next best thing to “rumble” is to gamble. Off to the casino baby!

No 3: ABS-CBN lawyers and Dyan Castillejo were waiting in his locker room. They have a more lucrative offer.

No. 2: So that dozens of Filipino solons in Vegas could go home early and do their freakin’ job!

And the No.1 reason why Manny Pacquiao ended the fight quickly…

He’s fast tracking his retirement. Eleksyon naaaaaaaa!

Postscript
Pacquiao’s demolition of Hatton prompted President GMA on Sunday to declare a “national day of celebration” to honor the feat. Meanwhile, the other GMA, GMA Network that is, declared Sunday a “national day of tv commercials.”

A Royal Call
Did you know that… shortly after Manny Pacquiao’s demolition of England’s Ricky Hatton, Queen Elizabeth was on the phone talking to the People’s Champ? Initially, she couldn’t say a word. And he barely understood her. But people around Queen Elizabeth described her as very happy. Seconds later, she started crying, and that broke Pacquiao’s heart. He terribly missed his youngest daughter – Queen Elizabeth.

And pirated videos of the Pacquiao-Hatton fight have started to sprout in Quiapo. But we warn you: it is a bit more expensive mainly because the total running time is five hours – including commercials!

Check out this YouTube clip featuring the Visayan Hatton.

Light Bites

Q: What is black and blue, and white all over?
A: A British boxer down on the canvas

Q: What is blue, plastic, has three wheels and induces vomiting?
A: A senator on a pedicab

Q: What is blue, plastic, and gets wet on high temperature
A: A senator crying on a noontime show

Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician and a really bad lawyer?
A: Two congressmen and a low-key Atenean

Q: What do you get when you cross an intoxicated politician and a physician for the third time?
A: A gay son

Q: What do you get when you cross a soldier and a badminton enthusiast for the second time?
A: A lesbian

Q: What do you get when you cross a French-speaking housewife and a brilliant politician for the fifth time?
A: A tactless blabbermouth

Q: What do you get when you cross an over-ambitious beauty queen and a one-time murder suspect?
A: Martial Law.

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“Boxing is a sport at its most brutal, most primitive, and most natural. Two men defending their honor and courage, in a ring surrounded by observers, whose love for the sport is essentially spiritual. Boxing is the last refuge of the modern day warrior.”
~ THOMAS DONELSON, Viewing Boxing from Ringside

EARTH DAY

April 22 is Earth Day: a chance to promote love of nature: plants, animals, and the environment. In celebration of this event, the Supreme Court issued a ruling expanding the country’s largest crocodile farm. It allowed 32 additional party-list representatives to sit in Congress.

Of course, the Lower House was in Earth Day mood too. As if the same farm was not big enough, a House of Representatives panel approved yesterday a measure raising the maximum number of lawmakers from 250 to 300.

Likewise, Sen. Mar Roxas observed Earth Day. I know what you’re thinking. But no, he didn’t go for a pedicab ride to work. Instead, when he saw a guy threw garbage at Edsa, minura niya ito.

Former congressman Ted Failon whose wife was cremated yesterday observed Earth Day in advance. Last week, he had his house cleaned up.

Additional House Members
Because of a Supreme Court ruling, the Lower House now has a record number 55 party-list representatives. Isn’t that ironic? While the Lower House is adding 32 more… our senators are killing one another.

House Speaker Prospero Nograles says 32 additional solons means an additional 2.57 billion pesos in pork barrel allocation. That’s 2.57 billion pesos! Or as Sen. Manuel Villar would describe it, “Budget for 10 C-5 road projects.”

The Lower House has 32 additional party-list representatives and controversial retired Major General Jovito Palparan Jr. is one of them. The country has so many party-list groups… even human rights violators are represented.

palparan Retired Major General Jovito Palparan Jr. of the anti-Communist group Bantay is now a member of Congress. When Jose Maria Sison heard this, he immediately ordered the deployment of additional security for Satur Ocampo, Teddy Casiño, Liza Maza, Luzviminda Ilagan, and Rafael Mariano.

Loyalists of Joma Sison in Congress vowed to block the entry of retired Major General Jovito Palparan Jr. to the House of Representatives. They described him as “a butcher, a killer, and a human rights violator” – traits that qualify him for a post in the NPA leadership.

Retired Army Major Jovito Palparan Jr. of the anti-Communist party-list group Bantay is now a member of the House of Representatives. Asked what excites him the most as a congressman, Palparan replied, “ambush interviews.”

pacquiao-hatton-promo300 Pacquiao-Hatton Fight
Reports say seats for the Manny Pacquiao-Ricky Hatton fight on May 3 (Manila time) are almost sold out. In fact, there are more available seats now at the House of Representatives compared to the MGM Arena.

Wilma Galvante vs. Annabelle Rama
Talent manager Annabelle Rama appealed to her fellow Visayans to join her in a rally outside GMA 7 to demand the resignation of her “enemy,” GMA 7 Senior VP for Entertainment TV Wilma Galvante. But Rama was forced to cancel the rally… when only Cerge Remonde showed up.

For the aborted rally against GMA 7 executive Wilma Galvante, talent manager Annabelle Rama announced on TV a hotline where her fellow Visayans could call her. The toll free number: 1-908-1-SCHIZO.

Quote of the Weak
“Satanas ‘yang Wilma na ‘yan! Satanas ‘yan! At hindi ako titigil hangga’t malaglag ‘yang bruha sa GMA! Walanghiyang bruha na ‘yan!”
~Talent manager Annabelle Rama talking about her adversary, GMA 7’s Senior VP for Entertainment TV Wilma Galvante in a radio interview

(Note: The Professional Heckler has just received information that Annabelle Rama usually eats garbage for merienda. ‘Yan po ang dahilan kung bakit ganyang kabaho ang lumalabas sa bibig niya.)

But in all fairness to Ms Rama, the feisty mom observed Earth Day yesterday… by not opening her mouth for one hour.

Personal:
Two readers of this blog have informed me that Philippine Star columnist Federico Pascual re-printed my post CHICKEN CROSSING today, April 23 in Phil Star but attributed the write-up to someone else. Grrrrr.

Elsewhere…
Where in hell did Loren and Angara go? These senators made me laugh. (Thanks to Rem for sending me the link.)

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“We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children.”
~Native American Proverb

NO DEAL

amonged Panlilio for President?
Pampanga governor Ed Panlilio’s supporters want him to run for president in 2010. Rumors say Panlilio is willing to accept the challenge if and only if every city and municipality in the country would open a quarry site.

Panlilio for President? II
Pampanga governor Ed Panlilio says he won’t leave the priesthood even if he runs for president. But that’s okay. After all, a number of our senators and congressmen didn’t leave the circus when they ran for Congress.


“Alabang Boys” Case
Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez has ordered the filing of charges against high-profile suspected drug dealers Richard Brodett, Jorge Joseph and Joseph Tecson otherwise known as the “Alabang Boys.” State prosecutor John Resado felt so guilty he decided to just return the 1.6 million pesos to the boys’ relatives.

“Alabang Boys” Case II
After more than six months, Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez has finally ordered the filing of charges against the Alabang Boys. When the news came out, Embassy Super Club co-owner Tim Yap received several text messages that read, “We’re sorry for your loss.”

jaloss1 Jalosjos Goes Malling
A couple of days after his release from prison, convicted rapist and former Zamboanga Del Norte congressman Romeo Jalosjos went to the mall. He spent an hour shopping, an hour eating, two hours at the movies, and half a day “strolling” at Toy Kingdom’s Barbie and Bratz dolls section.

pacman Pacquiao Backtracks
A day after insisting that his May 2 fight will be shown on ABS-CBN, Manny Pacquiao backtracked and decided to honor his legally binding contract with Solar Sports. In a period of only four days, Pacquiao became Kapuso, Kapamilya, and Katawa-tawa.

dyanc ABS-CBN’s celebration was cut short when Manny Pacquiao decided to honor his contract with Solar Sports. Because of this development, ABS-CBN will no longer give a bonus to Dyan Castillejo.

Inquirer columnist Beth Celis said a lady brokered the aborted deal between Manny Pacquiao and ABS-CBN. Did I say ABS-CBN is no longer giving Dyan Castillejo a bonus?

In a press conference yesterday, Manny Pacquiao revealed that the statement he read during an ABS-CBN newscast insisting that his fight would be shown on the Kapamilya channel was actually prepared by representatives of the network. Sources say the prepared statement was actually drafted by the writers of “Maalaala Mo Kaya.”

Did you see Dyan Castillejo’s futile attempt to get a statement from Manny Pacquiao outside his training camp in Los Angeles? Geez, the rumor must be true after all! Dyan will replace Nicolette Sheridan in “Desperate Housewives.”

This Just In! Sketchy reports say Manny Pacquiao will not be wearing shoes when he fights Ricky Hatton on May 2! You know what he’s going to wear? Flip-flops.

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“Lack of loyalty is one of the major causes of failure in every walk of life.”
~Napoleon Hill