COMPROMISE


CPP Turns 42
The Communist Party of the Philippines marks its 42nd year today, December 26. To celebrate its anniversary, CPP founding chair Jose Maria Sison will blow 42 candles while the CPP’s armed wing, the New People’s Army will blow up 42 cell sites.

Batch ‘71
The more prominent members of the Philippine Military Academy Batch ’71 reportedly enjoyed their Christmas shopping last week. Sen. Gringo Honasan bought jewelry for his wife; Senator Panfilo Lacson bought toys for his grandson, and ex-General Carlos Garcia bought temporary liberty for himself.

Ex-General Carlos Garcia who is facing plunder charges is out on bail! Rumors say the Sandiganbayan granted him liberty because they believed his alibi that he was in the United States when the crime took place and that he didn’t personally know Jessica Alfaro.


Cabinet Revamp
Last Friday, Presidential Communications Strategy Secretary Ricky Carandang confirmed that President Benigno Aquino would revamp his Cabinet next year. Quoting the President, Carandang said three cabinet officials would be affected by the reshuffle. He did not reveal their names although one thing’s for sure, those guys have no interest whatsoever in guns or target shooting. #sorrynalang

BIR’s Wrong List
Earlier this month, the Bureau of Internal Revenue released an erroneous list of the Top Individual Taxpayers for 2009. BIR Commissioner Kim Henares was quick to deny that the list was made by Executive Secretary Jojo Ochoa.

Len Lopez
Last December 16 President Aquino reportedly brought along his latest date, stockbroker Maria Elena “Len” Lopez to a sit down dinner with Cabinet officials and their spouses. Two words: (click here).

Annoying
For the second straight year, “whatever” was voted the most annoying word or phrase by Americans according to The Marist Poll. Meanwhile, in the Philippines, for the third straight year, voted the most annoying was Kris Aquino.


Pacman On Top
CNN’s Sports Illustrated has chosen Manny Pacquiao and his 2010 bouts as the year’s biggest boxing story. In close second was the Balay vs. Samar fight.

Solon Loses Cool
Alliance of Volunteer Educators (AVE) party list Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay reportedly berated a PAL ground attendant when he and his sons could not be seated together in the business class section of a PAL flight to Los Angeles recently. When told that all seats were taken, Magsaysay allegedly told the attendant “Shut up you bitch! You menopausal bitch. Ipapasisante kita.” Apparently, this educator was a terror teacher.

An incensed AVE party list Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay reportedly told a ground attendant, “Shut up bitch! You menopausal bitch!” Dahil d’yaaan, may nagtxxxxxxt! “Dear Congressman, saan ka ba nagpunta? Hinahanap ka na ng iyong amo. Bumalik ka na raw sa iyong kural.”

Flight Attendants Win
Favoring the Flight Attendants’ and Stewards’ Association of the Philippines in their dispute against Philippine Airlines, the Department of Labor and Employment has increased the mandatory retirement age of all flight attendants to 60 years old. The decision was slammed by PAL… and AVE party list Rep. Eulogio Magsaysay.

Crotch Me if You Can
Airport authorities nabbed a 38-year-old passenger headed for Cotabato City Airport on Christmas day after a packet of suspected shabu, or methamphetamine hydrochloride, was found in his underwear. Airport cops were definite about the substance saying, “Kapag shabu kasi, ‘di ka makakatulog. ‘Yong kuwan niya gising na gising!”
———————————————-
“Once you consent to some concession, you can never cancel it and put things back the way they are.”
~ Howard Hughes

Survey Says
Sa isyu ng errors sa new Philippine peso bills, your take:
– Importanteng maitama ang mali. Maliit man ang error, error pa rin. 49.76%
– Sus! Masyadong pinapalaki ang isyu. Lahat na lang pinansin. 40.67%
– Wala akong pakialam. 9.57%

Elsewhere
Palace releases list of holidays for 2011

CNN Sports Illustrated: Top Boxing Stories: Pacquiao is No. 1

CNN Sports Illustrated: Azkals made it on the list of the Top 10 Football Stories

Personal
The Los Angeles Lakers lost to the Miami Heat in today’s Christmas battle. Sa mga fans ni LeBron at ng Miami Heat, heto ang sa inyo: [Click here.]

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TACTLESS


PRESIDENT AQUINO is back from Vietnam. In case you’re not familiar with Vietnam, it’s that Southeast Asian country where “wine sucks, men don’t look good, and busy streets kill people.”

Mai Gosh!
While President Aquino was being received by Vietnamese leader Nguyen Minh Triet, his speechwriter, Assistant Secretary Carmen “Mai” Mislang was tweeting “(the) wine sucks.” Apparently, Mislang knows more about wine than protocols.

Assistant Secretary Mai Mislang of the Presidential Communications Development and Strategic Planning Office received flak for tweeting, “sorry walang pogi dito #vietnam.” Malacañang obviously failed to inform Mislang that the purpose of the state visit was to establish economic – not romantic ties with the Vietnamese.

Defending the embattled assistant secretary, deputy presidential spokesperson Abigail Valte says Mislang is one of the hardest working people in the Presidential Communications office – something that was evident during the state visit. Despite her busy schedule, she was able to hang around ogling Vietnamese boys! Sipag!

Assistant Secretary Mislang also tweeted, “crossing the speedy motorcyle-laden streets of Hanoi is one of the easiest ways to die” – to which a Vietnamese blogger reportedly replied, “posting insensitive tweets during a state visit is one of the easiest ways to damage diplomatic ties.”

Apology
Amid mounting criticisms, Assistant Sec. Mai Mislang wrote on her Facebook wall, “I apologize for my comments.” Rumors say Vietnamese nationals are willing to forgive Mislang… but only after she has tried crossing the streets of Hanoi.

On her Facebook account, Assistant Secretary Mai Mislang was more apologetic. She wrote, “I feel extremely blessed to be in a beautiful country blessed with warm hospitable people.” And the “Bait-baitan School of Acting Award” goes to…

Deputy presidential spokesperson Abigail Valte assures Mislang’s tweets won’t affect the relationship between the Philippines and Vietnam. She didn’t say though if the tweets would affect the relationship between Filipinos and the Communications Group.

Communications Secretary Ricky Carandang told Asst. Secretary Mai Mislang to restrain herself next time. Carandang explained that Mislang may have just been excited because this was her first state visit. And probably her last.

This just in: Amid a storm of criticism over her controversial tweets, Asst. Sec. Mai Mislang has officially filed a leave of absence… from Twitter.

Light Bites
Veni. Vidi. Vietnam. – I came. I saw. I insulted.

Halloween & Politics
Sunday was Halloween. It’s that time of the year when some people wear masks and costumes to hide their true selves and then go out scaring other people hoping to win something big. Wait a minute, that’s not Halloween. That’s the national elections.

Reports say Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo came in as a witch in a pre-Halloween party for neophyte lawmakers last week. The former president was praised by her colleagues for being effortless.

Sources say Ilocos Norte Rep. Imelda Marcos also attended the said event. She wore her original face.
————————
“Tact is the unsaid part of what you think; its opposite, the unthought part of which you say.”
~Henry Van Dyke

From an unimpeachable source
Former vice president Noli De Castro, former congressman Ted Failon, and former senator Mar Roxas’ wife Korina Sanchez will anchor TV Patrol starting November 8. Karen Davila will banner Bandila. What will happen to Julius Babao and Ces Drilon? Abangan! Ganyan talaga sa telebisyon, parang pulitika lang. Minsan, mas matindi pa. Weather-weather lang.

Survey Says
Alas-sais y medya ng gabi. Ano ang pinapanood sa bahay n’yo?
– 24 Oras 41.69%
– TV Patrol 48.86%
– Willing Willie 9.45%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.
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A Conversation with the President: Exclusive!

On Thursday, September 9, 2010, President Noynoy Aquino answered questions from a panel of news anchors representing the country’s three biggest networks: Mel Tiangco for GMA 7, Ted Failon for ABS-CBN, and Paolo Bediones for TV5.


After the no holds barred interview, The Professional Heckler requested for an exclusive, more honest, one-on-one “follow up” conversation with the Chief Executive. Here are some unedited excerpts:

The Professional Heckler (TPH): Mahal na Pangulo, magandang hapon po.
President Noynoy Aquino (PNA): Magandang hapon naman. Sino ka nga ulit? Pasensya na, hindi kasi sure ‘yong aide ko kung sino ka at para saan ang panayam na ito.
TPH: Gano’n po ba? Talagang consistent ang aide na ‘yan ah.
PNA: May sinasabi ka?
TPH: Wala po. Ang sabi ko po, isa akong blogger at pinayagan ako ng head ng Communications Group n’yo na makausap kayo nang one-on-one.
PNA: Talaga? Sino sa kanila? Tatlo ‘yon eh.
TPH: ‘Yon pong taga-Balay Group.
PNA: Ah si Attorney Lacierda!
TPH: Hindi po. ‘Yong dating broadcaster na nakaka-tweet ko bago siya nabigyan ng puwesto sa gobyerno.
PNA: Ahhhhhhhh, okay. Bakit? Hindi na ba siya nagtu-tweet ngayon?
TPH: ‘Pansin ko lang po, hindi na masyado. Pero minsan, nagdi-direct message na lang sa Twitter. Parang careful na po yata.
PNA: I see. Sige, basta bilisan na lang natin huh. You have 10 minutes. May pupuntahan pa ko eh.

TPH: Unang isyu po mahal na Pangulo: kanina, tinanong kayo kung may paksyon-paksyon sa gabinete. Ang sabi n’yo wala. Ang tanong ko po: sino ang nag-advise sa inyo na ganyan ang isagot n’yo: ang Balay Group o ang Samar Group?
PNA: Actually pareho, este, I mean… wala. Wala ngang paksyon ‘di ba? So walang nag-advise sa akin.
TPH: Pero iba po ang nakikita namin. Halimbawa, dalawa ang head ng inyong Communications Group. Coloma sa kanan, Carandang sa kaliwa. May Lacierda pa sa gitna. ‘Tapos, minsan magkakaiba ang kanilang sinasabi. Ang DILG naman, tila hinati sa DI at sa LG… may Robredo sa taas, may Puno sa baba. Hindi po ba magulo?!
PNA: Hindi mo kasi naiintindihan dahil hindi ikaw ang nasa puwesto! ‘Di ba nga may kasabihan tayo, “Many hands make light work.”
TPH: Pero mahal na Pangulo, “Too many cooks spoil the broth.”
PNA: Hindi rin eh. Kasi nga, “Two heads are better than one.”
TPH: Ok, fine! So, whose heads will roll?
PNA: Ba’t naman napunta do’n ang usapan?
TPH: Kasi ‘yon po ang ugat ng isyu eh – ang kapalpakan sa hostage crisis. So sinong sisibakin n’yo?
PNA: Masyado ka namang atat. Siguro ‘Edcel’ ang pangalan mo!? O baka naman ‘Lagman’ ang iyong apelyido!? Hintayin muna natin ang final report ni Secretary De Lima.


TPH: Kanina po sa panel interview, you categorically stated na hindi n’yo na iniintindi kung mataas o mababa man ang trust rating o tiwala sa inyo ng publiko. Ang tanong: ‘Di nga?!?
PNA: Huh?
TPH: Ire-rephrase ko po ang tanong: noong panahon ng kampanya, halos ibandera n’yo ang resulta ng bawat survey partikular ang mataas n’yong trust rating. Pero ngayon, sabi n’yo hindi n’yo na gaanong iniintindi ang mga surveys. Sino po ang nagturo sa inyo na maging ipokrito?
PNA: Ilang minuto nga ang interview na ito?
TPH: Sige po. ‘Wag n’yo na lang sagutin.

TPH: Pangatlong isyu po. Sabi n’yo, wala ni isa man sa miyembro ng inyong gabinete ang na-appoint bilang pagtanaw ng utang na loob sa kanilang naging ambag sa inyong kandidatura. Ang tanong: Owws?
PNA: Off the record puwede?
TPH: Sige po.
PNA: Do you really expect me to admit on live television na nagbabayad-utang ako sa ilang cabinet appointees? Konting common sense naman ‘tol. Kahit naman yata sinong presidente ang tanungin mo, hindi aamin! Pero, siyempre factor ‘yon. In all fairness though to my cabinet appointees, highly qualified silang lahat.

TPH: How will you describe Secretary Jesse Robredo in one word?
PNA: Puwedeng four?
TPH: Three!
PNA: Sige. Ramon Magsaysay Awardee.
TPH: Sobrang safe naman ng answer n’yo. In hindsight po ba, would you have appointed Vice President Binay as DILG chief instead of him?
PNA: Off the record ulit puwede?
TPH: Sure!
PNA: Matagal na panahon kong pinag-isipan ang bagay na ‘yan. Naipit ako sa dalawang nag-uumpugang bato eh. ‘Yung sinasabi mong Balay group, mapilit para kay Robredo. Siyempre, popular, awardee. Pero ‘yong kabilang kampo, nangungulit rin. So para everybody happy, nag-suggest ako: ang local government, kay Robredo; ang kapulisan, kay Puno.
TPH: Eh biglang nagka-hostage crisis…
PNA: Eh biglang nagka-hostage crisis… off the record please! Ayun! Na-obvious tuloy ang hatian ng puwesto! ‘Pag mamalasin ka nga naman, oo! Hayyy!

TPH: Pag-usapan naman natin ang inyong Little President. Ang tanong ko po mahal na Pangulo: meron ba?
PNA: What do you mean? Siyempre, meron! Andiyan lang siya. To be fair, I’ve known Jojo Ochoa since our Ateneo days. Tahimik na tao talaga ‘yan! Maingay lang ‘yan kapag nakakainom.
TPH: ‘Yon po sana ang gusto kong itanong. Dalawang beses na kasing lumalabas sa Newsbreak ang isyu ng pagiging lasenggo ng Executive Secretary n’yo. Ang latest, nakita raw siya sa lobby ng isang hotel na nakasalampak dahil sa kalasingan.
PNA: Nakasalampak?!? That’s absolutely baseless! To be fair, I’ve known Jojo Ochoa since our Ateneo days. Kahit lasing na lasing ‘yan, maayos na umuupo ‘yan! Kaya ‘yong balitang nakasalampak siya? I seriously doubt it!
TPH: Pero inaamin n’yo pong umiinom siya?
PNA: To be fair, I’ve known Jojo Ochoa since our Ateneo days. Kung umiinom man siya, occasionally. Nagkataon lang na sunud-sunod ang okasyon lately. Kaya ‘yon, sunud-sunod rin siguro ang inom.

TPH: Sa inyong panel interview kanina, tinanong kayo about former PAGASA Chief Prisco Nilo at napansin kong tila malaki ang galit n’yo sa kanya. In fact, sinabi n’yong may “propaganda arm” si Dr. Nilo. Apparently, nasa kanya ang simpatya ng media at publiko ngayon. Ang tanong ko po: kung nananalo ang “propaganda arm” ni Prisco Nilo laban sa “propaganda arm” ng mga taong nagsulsol sa inyo upang sibakin siya, why not?
PNA: Gusto ko lang linawin okay, wala akong galit sa puny3+@*%ang$3* Prisco Nilo na yan%#%12^@@% okay? And to be fair, I’ve known Jojo Ochoa since our Ateneo days. Kahit bayaw niya ang DOST secretary, hindi siya ang nagsulsol upang palitan si Prisco Nilo! Palpak lang talaga ang forecast niya! Ni hindi nga niya na-forecast na masisibak siya sa puwesto ‘no! Basta, palpak siya! At inuulit ko: wala akong galit %#@$0)^ sa kanya%#@^9)!

TPH: Ang puso n’yo! Easy lang po mahal na Pangulo, okay? Heto na lang ang mas light na question. Kayo po ba ni Councilor Shalani Soledad ay nag-date na sa Emerald Garden Restaurant?
PNA: You make me blush.
TPH: Hahaha! Seryosong tanong po ‘yan.
PNA: Hmmm, siguro four to five times na. In fact, some of the most memorable moments namin together, nangyari sa Emerald.
TPH: But after the August 23 hostage crisis, sa tingin n’yo babalik pa kayo roon?
PNA: Oo naman!
TPH: You mean, magdi-date pa rin kayo ni Shalani sa Emerald kahit may masamang memories ng naganap na hostage?
PNA: Yeah! Because, I’m a hostage of love.
TPH: Awwwr!

TPH: Alam po ng lahat na mahusay kayo sa paghawak ng baril. Puwede ho bang malaman kung kailan kayo huling nagpaputok?
PNA: You make me blush again.
TPH: Seryoso po ‘yong tanong ko.
PNA: Hmmm, last Saturday lang.
TPH: Gaano ba kayo kadalas magpaputok?
PNA: Kada Sabado.
TPH: Enjoy ba kayo?
PNA: ‘Yon nga lang ang libangan natin eh. Siyempre, kahit papa’ano, nakakalimutan ko ang aking mga problema.

PNA: Puwede bang two to three questions na lang? Mali-late na ‘ko eh.
TPH: Sige po! Ayon sa ilang palace insiders na nakausap ni Sandra Aguinaldo ng GMA News, divided raw ang members ng Cabinet n’yo sa desisyong humarap kayo sa isang media panel. Bakit n’yo nga ba naisipan ang nasabing no holds barred interview?
PNA: Off the record… just imagine kung ang haharap sa panel ay ang tatlong spokesman ng palasyo. Sa tingin mo ba magtatagal ang aking gobyerno kapag silang tatlo ang pinagsalita ko? Six years ang termino ko, six years! Hindi 100 days!

TPH: Reaksyon lang po sa impeachment complaint against Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez na ayon sa House committee on justice ay “sufficient in form and substance.”
PNA: Iginagalang ko ang separation ng kapangyarihan ng ehekutibo at lehislatibo. Trabaho nila ‘yon; may sinusunod silang proseso, hayaan natin sila. Bilang Pangulo, hindi ako dapat nakikialam. Sanga pala, kung nababasa ito ngayon ng mga miyembro ng House justice committee, I have two words for you: ‘Keep it up!’

TPH: Dumako naman po tayo sa isang maliit na bagay na posibleng ilan lamang ang nakapansin. Bago po naganap ang hostage crisis, ito po ang default pic sa inyong Facebook account…

TPH: Nang magalit ang mga Hong Kong nationals… ito naman ang inyong ginamit na default pic:

TPH: Pero nang bumisita ako kanina, ito na ulit ang aking nakita:

TPH: Pati po ba sa Facebook, may paksyon din?
PNA: Nang-aasar ka?!?
TPH: Ang ibig ko pong sabihin: ang default Facebook photo po ba ninyo ay nakabatay sa inyong mood for the week?
PNA: Alam mo, ayaw ko nang palakihin pa ang isang trivial na bagay. Besides, off the record huh… ni hindi ko nga alam ang password sa Facebook account ko, paano ko mapapalitan ang default pic? Common sense ulit ‘tol!


TPH: Maiba naman po ako, kumusta na po si Kris? Ano pong advice ang ibinibigay n’yo ngayong may pinagdaraanan sila ni James Yap?
PNA: Wala. Sa palagay ko naman, nasa tamang edad na siya para magpasya.
TPH: Pero nasa tamang pag-iisip naman po ba?
PNA: ‘Yan ang magandang tanong! Pero hayaan na natin ang aking kapatid. Ang problema niya… isang lalaki. Ang problema ko… isang bansa! Sa tingin mo, alin ang dapat kong unahin?
TPH: Kereeeek! May tama ka!


TPH: Bago po ako tuluyang magpaalam, may ‘pinapatanong lang po ang isa kong Twitter follower: Bakit daw po sina Mel Tiangco, Ted Failon, at Paolo Bediones ang nagtanong sa inyo? Bakit hindi raw po sina Maria Ressa, Jessica Soho, at Luchi Cruz-Valdez?
PNA: Pati ba naman ‘yan, gagawan n’yo pa ng intriga? That, for me is a non-issue. Kahit sino pa man ang nagtanong, que sina RG Cruz, Mark Salazar o Jove Francisco pa ‘yan, ang mahalaga, malinaw ang aking mga naging sagot at well-represented ang tatlong henerasyon ng mga mamamahayag sa panel.
TPH: Dahil d’yan, Mr. President… may nagteeeeexxxt! “I totally resent that observation! Yours truly, Tita Mel”
PNA: Hahaha! No comment na lang.

TPH: Pahabol pong tanong: malapit na po ang finals ng UAAP. Fearless forecast: Ateneo o La Salle?
PNA: ‘Tinatanong pa ba ‘yan? Siyempre, UP!
TPH: Nang-aasar po kayo?!
PNA: Huh? Bakit? ‘Di ba UAAP cheerdance ang itinatanong mo?
TPH: Basketball po.
PNA: Ahhhh, wala. Bilang Pangulo, dapat nasa gitna ako. Dapat wala akong kinikilingan at wala akong pinapanigan. Sa aking pamahalaan, bawal ang paksyon! Walang paksyon! At hinding-hindi magkakaroon ng paksyon!

(The President’s phone rings…)
PNA: Hello?
Male Voice: Sir, remind ko lang po ‘yong party sa Balay mamaya. Invited daw po kayo.
PNA: Gano’n ba? Pakisabi, mali-late ako. May salu-salo din kasi sa Samar. Naunang nag-invite ‘yon eh. Bye.

TPH: One final question, Mr. President.
PNA: Go ahead!
TPH: Boxers or briefs?
PNA: You make me blush.

End of Interview.
——————-
“A basic tenet of a healthy democracy is open dialogue and transparency.”
~Peter Fenn

Survey Says
Hindi siya kasama sa listahan ng mga opisyales na ipakukumpirma ng palasyo sa Commission on Appointments. Kung ikaw si Sec. Jesse Robredo, ano ang gagawin mo?
– Wala lang! Tuloy ang trabaho. 33.87%
– Bastusan na! I will resign. 59.91%
– Wala akong pakialam! 6.22%

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Personal
UP will probably close its UAAP season with a 0-14 win-loss card on Saturday, September 10. Allow me to share the recent Facebook status of Fighting Maroon Martin Reyes:
“The game on saturday will be played with nothing but heart. It will be for God, my family, friends, teammates, coaches, classmates and most especially for the University of the Philippines. It has been one helluva ride and i would not trade MAROON for any other color…. salamat UP”

Good luck to the UP Pep Squad on Sunday! UP Fight!
2010 UAAP-Samsung Cheerdance Competition (Sunday, September 12): Order of Performance: UE, UST, DLSU, ADMU, FEU, UP, AdU and NU

Enjoy your weekend!

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MISCOMMUNICATION

Postscript to a Hostage Crisis
Presidential Communications and Operations Office Secretary Herminio Coloma on Thursday expressed doubt that Hong Kong Chief Executive Donald Tsang telephoned President Aquino at the height of the hostage crisis last Monday. But Presidential Communications Development and Strategic Planning Office Secretary Ricky Carandang confirmed that Chang did call the President. It turned out though that President Aquino’s aide did not inform him about the call because when he answered the phone and said, “Hello? How may I help you?,” Tsang’s aide replied, “May we talk to President Isko Moreno?”

Secretary Herminio Coloma expressed doubt that Hong Kong Chief Executive Donald Tsang called up President Aquino last Monday. But fellow Communications Group Secretary Ricky Carandang said Tsang did call the President. Malacañang has since vowed to fix the communication problem between Hong Kong and Manila… as soon as it has fixed the communication problem between Carandang and Coloma.

Secretary Herminio Coloma said former President Arroyo was also to blame for Monday’s bloody hostage crisis at Quirino Grandstand in Manila. But we’re not sure yet if that’s the official stand of Malacañang until we’ve heard from Secretary Ricky Carandang.

Reports say former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo wrote two letters to the Chinese Prime Minister, and to the Hong Kong chief executive. One was to extend her condolences over the death of Hong Kong nationals in a hostage drama, and the other to defend herself from Herminio Coloma.

In Thursday’s Senate hearing, Manila Police District director on leave Chief Supt. Rodolfo Magtibay revealed that it was Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim who ordered the arrest of SPO2 Gregorio Mendoza, the hostage-taker’s brother. But Lim was quick to deny Magtibay’s claim. Malacañang believes though it was GMA who ordered it.

This just in! A recent survey showed that President Noynoy Aquino is now the most unpopular Philippine president ever… in Hong Kong.

Following Monday’s bungled rescue of hostages, President Aquino has been at the receiving end of slanderous and defamatory Facebook posts, comments, insults, and swear words. The President says it feels like the campaign season once again.

President Aquino has been repeatedly bashed, insulted, lambasted, mocked, and berated by Hong Kong Chinese nationals and fellow Filipinos as well on his Facebook Like Page. The President admits he has never experienced such “below the belt attacks” – since Manny Villar conceded the presidential race.

Last Wednesday, President Aquino started to ban slanderous and defamatory posts, comments, insults, and swear words from his Facebook Like Page – the same thing that his sister Kris has been doing 24/7 since she joined the site.

The President & Tsang
Unauthenticated Tapped Telephone Conversations [Translated in Filipino]

[Phone ringing]
Baby, baby, baby, ooooh
Like baby, baby, baby noooo

Male 1: Hello?
Male 2: Puwede kausap boss ko, boss mo?
Male 1: Sino ka?
Male 2: Ako, aide Donald Tsang, Hong Kong chief executive.
Male 1: Busy ang boss ko.
Male 2: Totoo ba sabi mo? Hindi pwede abala kahit two minute? Sabi mo galit boss ko. Galit Donald Tsang.
Male 1: ‘Di nga puwede eh! May closed-door meeting. Tawag ka na lang ulit.
Male 2: Ikaw bahala. Kayo bahala. Basta ako tawag boss mo. Ikaw, ayaw bigay telepono.
Male 1: Ang kulit mo! Bye na nga!
[End of conversation]

[Phone ringing]
Too much love will kill you
If you can’t make up your mind
Torn between the lover

Male 1: Hello?
Male 2: Puwede kausap boss mo?
Male 1: Sino ‘to?
Male 2: Ako aide Donald Tsang, chief executive Hong Kong
Male 1: Weh?
Male 2: Ako sabi totoo. Donald Tsang akyen boss. Siya gusto kausap presidente Pilipinas.
Male 1: Ikaw ba ‘yong tumawag sa kasama ko kanina?
Male 2: Oo. Siya sama ugali. Ayaw bigay telepono presidente.
Male 1: Naku! Wala pang info ang aming presidente. Wala pa siyang masasabi sa boss mo.
Male 2: Basta bigay mo telepono iyo presidente. Galit na talaga Donald Tsang.
Male 1: Sus! ‘Di ka talaga makaintindi ‘no? Tatawag na lang si presidente sa boss mo. Nasa meeting pa nga kasi siya. Tell Mr. Tsang, relax. Okay?
Male 2: Kayo talaga tigas ulo. Bahala kayo buhay n’yo. Ako bigay na warning. Masama magalit si Tsang. Masama magalit tao Hong Kong! Bye!
[End of conversation]

[Phone ringing]
I want nobody, nobody but you
I want nobody, nobody but you
Nandaru a shiro
Niga animon shiro

Male 1: Ni3 hao3! ?
Male 2: Mr. Tsang, ‘musta na po kayo?
Male 1: Ikaw sino? Bago tenga ko dinig boses mo.
Male 2: Mr. Tsang, si President Noynoy Aquino po ng Pilipinas.
Male 1: Ako galit iyo! Hong Kong galit iyo. Ikaw hindi kausap akin. Ako dalawa beses tawag, ikaw wala sagot kahit isa!

Male 2: Mr. Tsang, humihingi po ako ng paumanhin sa inyo. Kasalanan ko po ang nangyari.
Male 1: Saka bakit iba iba sabi iyo spokesperson. Sabi Coloma, ako hindi tawag. Sabi Carandang ako tawag. Loko-loko tao mo. Loko-loko Coloma na yan. Gawin pa ko sinungaling.
Male 2: Kaya nga po personal na akong tumawag sa inyo para magpaliwanag. Nagkaroon lang po ng miscommunication sa aking Communications Group. Inaayos na namin para hindi na maulit ang ganitong problema.

Male 1: Di ko tanggap iyo rason. Basa ko diyaryo sabi ikaw hindi katok aide mo. Hintay ako telepono. Hintay ako hintay! Tapos na Miss Universe, ako hintay pa rin! Pero aide mo ayaw ikaw katok meeting mo! Ano klase ka Pangulo?
Male 2: ‘Yon nga po. Nagpapakumbaba po ako sa pangyayari. Rest assured, magiging bukas ang linya ng komunikasyon ng Maynila sa anumang concern ninyo diyan sa Hong Kong. Anumang maitutulong namin, iparating n’yo lang po sa inyong kinatawan dito sa Pilipinas!

Male 1: Melon pa ko hindi gusto iyo gawa. Ikaw ngiti. Ikaw smile press con. Ikaw tawa doon crime scene. Hindi gusto tao Hong Kong iyo facial expression.
Male 2: Katulad nga po ng nasabi ko, hindi ko po sinasadya sakaling mapangiti man po ako. Alam ko pong napakasakit ng mga pangyayari kaya pasensya na po sakaling iba ang interpretasyon n’yo sa aking mga ngiti. Wala po akong intensyong makasakit.

Male 1: Tao dito Hong Kong galit iyo pulis, galit iyo rescue team. Sila wala silbi. Sila rescue gamit palakol. Kami duda na iyo pulis, sila tama baril sa amin turista. Ikaw imbestiga mabuti.
Male 2: Pati po ‘yan iniimbestigahan na namin. Kaya nga po merong kinatawan ang Hong Kong Police para masigurong magiging patas ang pagsisiyasat namin.

Male 1: Habang kayo siyasat hostage crisis, kami bawal travel Pilipinas. Ako utos Hong Kong citizens, bawal tourist to Manila. Delikado. Baka hostage ulit.
Male 2: Nauunawaan ko po kayo. Pero inuulit ko po, isolated incident lamang ito. Sanga pala, kailan puwedeng magtungo diyan ang high-level delegation ng aming bansa?
Male 1: Naku! Hindi ko alam sagot diyan. Kayo paalam muna Beijing, China. Kasi Beijing tampo iyo pulis.

Male 2: Ah, sige po. Maghihintay na lang kami. Makikiusap po sana ako sa inyo. Bahala na po kayo sa aming mga kababayan diyan sa Hong Kong.
Male 1: Wala naman sila problema. Meron iba amo Hong Kong, galit pero sila hindi saktan Pinay helper. Pinay helper husay linis. Sila the best. Wag ka alala, protektahan sila Hong Kong government.
Male 2: Maraming, maraming salamat Mr. Tsang. And again, on behalf of the Philippine government, kami ay humihingi ng paumanhin sa nangyaring insidente noong Lunes.
Male 1: Wala problema. Ngayon, bawas na akyen galit iyo.
Male 2: Thank you ho talaga.

Male 1: Isa pa isyu gusto ko tanong iyo. Bakit iyo kongreso adik?
Male 2: Huh?
Male 1: Sabi ko, bakit iyo kongreso dala droga dito amin Hong Kong? Ako refer Ronald Singson.
Male 2: Ahhh, hindi naman po lahat ng kongresista namin ganyan. Tinatalakay na rin po ng House ethics committee ang kaso ni Congressman Singson.
Male 1: Hindi iyan gusto ko sagot mo. Gusto ko sagot mo bakit siya lusot airport security? Talaga ba tanga iyo pulis?
Male 2: Under investigation na rin po ‘yan. Humihingi rin po ako ng paumanhin sa pagkakamali ng aming kinatawan.

Male 1: Bago ko baba telepono, ako may isa ako hiling iyo.
Male 2: Ano po ‘yon?
Male 1: Ako send iyo Facebook request. Ikaw puwede approve?
Male 2: Walang problema Mr. Tsang. Hahaha.
Male 1: O, bakit ikaw tawa na naman. Tao Hong Kong magagalit ulit iyo.
Male 2: Ooops sorry Mr. Tsang. Natuwa lang po ako sa pagiging diplomatic n’yo.
Male 1: Sige, ako dami pa asikaso trabaho. Sabi mo tao mo, sabi mo Coloma, siya isip muna bago salita. Huwag siya sinungaling. Saka sabi mo, usap sila Carandang para hindi iba iba statement. Ikaw sabi iyo pulis sila training. Wag sila tanga-tanga. Oki?
Male 2: Makakarating po Mr. Tsang.

Male 1: Ako meron isa pahabol. Puwede sabi mo thank you para akyen Congresswoman, dati iyo pangulo Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo? Siya send sulat akyen at isa sulat prime minister China. Siya mabait akyen.
Male 2: Ahmmm…
Male 1: Ikaw, wag na isip. Sige, ako galit ulit.
Male 2: Oki. Oki. Hayyyy.
Male 1: Xie xie. Zài jiàn!
[End of conversation]
——————————————
“Diplomacy in general does not resolve conflicts. Wars end not due to peace processes, but due to one side giving up.”
~Daniel Pipes

Survey Says
Ano ang assessment mo sa naging partisipasyon ng media sa Manila hostage crisis?
-TAMA LANG. Kailangang ma-inform ang publiko. 7.7%
-PARTLY to blame ang media. Baka nakatulong ang news blackout. 90.7%
-HINDI KO alam ang nangyari. Ano ba? 1.6%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Have a safe weekend!

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EXCLUSIVE: GMA Breaks Her Silence

Breaking News: For the first time since winning a seat in the House of Representatives, former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo agreed to be interviewed.

She requested though that the exclusive interview be conducted in the vernacular in celebration of the Philippine National Language Month. Here’s the rare, 45-minute conversation in full.


The Professional Heckler (TPH): Kumusta na po kayo ma’am?
Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo (GMA): Heto, napagod sa kakatakbo. Bigla ba naman akong sabihan na may privilege speech pala si Walden Bello, natural, kinailangan kong lumabas ng session hall. Eh nakita kong papalapit na siya sa podium, ayon kumaripas ako nang takbo. Maliliit pa naman ang aking mga hakbang kaya hiningal talaga ako!

TPH: Mabuti naman at ‘di kayo hinarang ng mga guwardiya..
GMA: Naku, imposible ‘yan! Si Mikey ang naka-duty nang lumayas ako sa Batasan.

TPH: Saan po kayo nagpunta?
GMA: Katulad nga ng nasulat mo sa iyong previous blog post, I tried to leave for Hong Kong. Eh cancelled pala ang mga flights ng PAL kaya umuwi na lang ako sa Lubao.

TPH: Last week po ay nilagdaan na ni Pangulong Noynoy Aquino ang Executive Order No. 1 creating the Truth Commission. Ano po ang masasabi n’yo?
GMA: My two spokespersons, Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago and Congressman Edcel Lagman have repeatedly raised the issue of the EO’s constitutionality. Naniniwala ako sa kanila. It’s unconstitutional.

TPH: Ano naman pong masasabi n’yo sa Communications Group ng ating Pangulo. Inaakusahan po sila ng bias at pagli-leak ng advance info sa isang network.
GMA: Hay naku! Ayaw ko nang makialam sa isyu ng leak na ‘yan. May sarili akong leak na pinu-problema. In fact, after ng interview na ‘to, I’ll have my biennial mammogram.


TPH: Kumusta na po si Attorney Mike Arroyo?
GMA: Okay naman. Nakakapag-golf na ulit. Naghihintay lang kami ng advice ng kanyang doktor for his next check up in Hong Kong.
TPH: Kailan po ‘yon?
GMA: Depende. Depende sa schedule ng susunod na privilege speech ng aking mga kritiko.

TPH: Kung maibabalik po ang year 2004, tatawagan n’yo pa rin ba si Comelec Commissioner Virgilio Garcillano?
GMA: Sino ‘yon? May sinabi ba akong si Garcillano ang tinawagan ko? Remember: when I made that “I’m sorry speech,” never kong pinangalanan ang Comelec official na kinausap ko. Tawagin n’yo na akong corrupt, balasubas, magnanakaw, sinungaling, pandak, at kung anu-ano pang panlilibak… pero never akong nanlaglag ng ibang tao. In short, walang basehan ang iyong tanong. Let’s move on.

TPH: Kung bibigyan kayo ng pagkakataong maging pangulo ulit, tatanggapin n’yo ba?
GMA: Kung ang komposisyon ng Kongreso ay gaya pa rin ng mga nagdaang mga taon, why not? I feel safe and secure with those guys around me.


TPH: Madam Congresswoman, do you pray?
GMA: Before? Yeah.
TPH: Right now?
GMA: Lalo na!

TPH: Sabi po nila, tumakbo lang kayong kongresista dahil ayaw n’yong makasuhan…
GMA: Hindi totoo ‘yan! Tumakbo ako sa Kongreso dahil ‘di na ko puwedeng tumakbo sa pagka-pangulo.

TPH: Can you imagine yourself in jail?
GMA: Can you imagine this interview cut short?
TPH: Oh, I’m sorry for that question. Let’s just talk about the current administration. Sa tingin n’yo ba masyadong nagiging mapaghiganti ang gobyernong Aquino sa inyo?
GMA: Two words: Truth Commission. I need not elaborate.

TPH: May over-importation daw po ng NFA rice…
GMA: Hindi rin totoo ‘yan! Maraming naiiwan sa imbakan dahil hindi binibili ng mga tao ang NFA rice. It’s their fault! Gusto nila, high quality! Masyado silang choosy!

TPH: Malaki daw po ang sweldo ng mga taga-MWSS…
GMA: Mali naman ang impormasyon nila! Sa katunayan, kung iche-check n’yo ang perks ng mga executives ng ibang GOCCs at GFIs, malalaki rin ‘yon! Hindi lang MWSS. Mali ang report!

TPH: How do you find palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda? Ano pong masasabi n’yo sa kanya?
GMA: I admire the guy. Sa siyam na taon ko sa palasyo, once lang ako nag-sorry sa inyo. Si Lacierda, nakakadalawa na, kakasimula pa lang sa trabaho.

TPH: How about the issue between the Noybi supporters and the NoyMar camp? Sa palagay n’yo ba makakaapekto ito sa pamamalakad ni Pangulong Aquino sa gobyerno?
GMA: I really don’t know. Wala naman akong vice president noon kaya ‘di ako maka-relate.

TPH: Nag-uusap pa ba kayo ni Chief Justice Renato Corona?
GMA: Hindi na. Busy lagi ang phone eh. The last time I tried calling him, ang sabi, “Sorry, the number you dialed is having dinner with Peping Cojuangco. Please try your call later.”

TPH: Kumusta na po si Gibó?
GMA: Si Gibó? Hahaha. Namimiss ko ang batang ‘yan. One of the most brilliant minds in my Cabinet. Sayang. Naputol ang aming komunikasyon nang lumabas ang Villaroyo black propaganda noong kampanya. Nagtampo yata sa ‘kin. But yesterday, I heard nag-a-apply siyang piloto sa PAL. If you’re reading this, Sulong Gibó!

TPH: Once and for all, linawin po natin: sino po ang sinuportahan n’yo noong nakaraang eleksyon? Si Gibó o si Villar?
GMA: Si Vetellano Acosta! Kaya ‘wag na kayong magtaka kung bakit marami siyang botong nakuha.


TPH: Madam Congresswoman, until now, curious pa rin po ang publiko. Ano raw po ba ang pinag-usapan n’yo ni President Aquino during that 10-minute limousine ride from Malacañang to Quirino Grandstand last June 30?
GMA: Wala. Kasi, bawat traffic light na madaanan namin, inoorasan niya ang pagpapalit ng kulay. ‘Tapos, tanong siya nang tanong kung sino si Ped Xing. Tawa naman ako nang tawa. So ‘yon, ‘di namin namalayan, Luneta na pala.

TPH: Dumako na po tayo sa tinatawag nating Rapid Round. Dapat po mabilis lang ang inyong sagot. Bawal magpaliwanag. Okay?
GMA: Nakaka-nerbyosh ka naman! Sige nga.

TPH: Ma’am, lights on or lights off?
GMA: Lights off! Mahal kasi ang kuryente ng Meralco.

TPH: Artistic or Athletic?
GMA: Siyempre, golfer si Mike. Athletic!

TPH: Beauty or Brains?
GMA: I wouldn’t have lasted nine years in office kung wala akong utak. Beauty na lang.

TPH: Love or Money?
GMA: After nine years in office?!? Marami na ‘kong money! I’ll choose love siguro. Wait, pwedeng both?

TPH: ABS-CBN or GMA 7?
GMA: NBN 4, kahit ‘di nag-rate ang The Working Preshident. Pero prangkahan na… nakaka-relate ako kay Trudish Liit ng GMA 7.

TPH: This time naman, magmi-mention po ako ng names ng mga kilalang tao. Let me know kung ano ang unang pumapasok sa isip n’yo kapag nababanggit ang kanilang mga pangalan. Let’s start with… Joseph Estrada?
GMA: Hmm, whiskey.

TPH: Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez?
GMA: Merciful!

TPH: The Firm?
GMA: Powerful!

TPH: Hyatt 10?
GMA: Welcome back! Hahaha!

TPH: Garcillano?
GMA: Pass!

TPH: Nani Perez?
GMA: ‘Kaw talaga! You make me blush. Ahihihi

TPH: Noynoy Aquino?
GMA: Good luck!

TPH: Jojo Binay?
GMA: Lucky.

TPH: Mike Arroyo?
GMA: Plenty! Hahahaha! I’m jussssht kidding! Puwede bang off the record na ‘yon?

TPH: Ricky Carandang?
GMA: Cessh Drilon. Akala mo, ‘di ako updated huh. Hi Cessh!

TPH: Secretary Abad?
GMA: Sino sa kanila? Madami eh.

TPH: Philippine Daily Inquirer?
GMA: Shorry, Bulletin lang ang binabasha ko noon!

TPH: Conrado De Quiros?
GMA: Pass!

TPH: Ellen Tordesillas?
GMA: Lalo na ‘yan! Pass!

TPH: Kris Aquino?
GMA: Ay, totoo ba ‘yun? Sila na raw ni Junjun?

TPH: Jocjoc Bolante?
GMA: Rotarian.

TPH: Bayani Fernando?
GMA: Pedestrian.

TPH: Jamby Madrigal?
GMA: Vagitarian.

TPH: Korina Sanchez?
GMA: May katarayan!

TPH: Vicky Toh?
GMA: Huh?! Good Lord!

TPH: Lilia Pineda?
GMA: Jueteng lord!
TPH: Talaga po!?
GMA: Ay, ano ba ‘yung nasabi ko? Off the record ulit, please?

TPH: And finally, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo?
GMA: Huh? Bakit naman ako nasama?
TPH: Request po ng readers ng blog ko.
GMA: Bakit? May readers ka ba?
TPH: Naman! I’m sure, binabasa kayo ngayon ng mga anchors at reporters ng TV5, ABS-CBN, ANC, dzMM, GMA 7 (not sure, pero sana!), GMANews.TV, dzRJ, dzME, dwRX, ABS-CBNNews.Com, Inquirer.Net, at maging ng reporters, columnists at editors ng Philippine Daily Inquirer, Philippine Star, Manila Bulletin, Manila Standard Today, Manila Times, BusinessWorld, Malaya, Newsbreak, Asia Pacific Broadcasting (Singapore) mga thinking bloggers, at ng libu-libong kababayan natin here and around the world.

GMA: Yabang! Bakit? Ito bang interview na ‘to mababasa ng favorite singer kong si Ricky Martin o ng favorite comedian kong si Ricky Gervais?
TPH: Hindi ko lang po sure pero sigurado akong mababasa po ito ni Ricky Carandang, si Secretary Ricky Carandang.
GMA: O shige na nga. Ano nga ulit ang tanong?

TPH: Babaguhin ko na lang po ang tanong para espesyal: Sakaling pumanaw si Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, ano po ang mababasa namin sa kanyang epitaph?
GMA: Ang morbid naman! Pero dahil sport ako at dahil exclusive ang interview na ito, pagbibigyan kita. Medyo mahaba ang isusulat ko sa aking epitaph. Ito ‘yon: HERE LIES…
TPH: Thank you Madam President!
GMA: Teka, hindi pa ako tapos!
TPH: Okay na po ‘yun! Understood na! Ano na lang po ang inyong message sa ating mga kababayan…
GMA: Sure ka puwede na ang gano’ng epitaph?
TPH: Sure na! Final answer! Message n’yo na lang po sa taumbayan…


GMA: Okay. Mga kababayan, kasaysayan na lamang po ang huhusga sa akin. Ginawa ko pong lahat ang aking makakaya bilang Pangulo ng ating bansa. Wala akong inisip kundi ang kapakanan ng maliliit na Pilipino. Sa pagtupad ko sa aking tungkulin bilang kinatawan ng lalawigan ng Pampanga, umaasa ako at mananalangin na harinawa’y umunlad hindi lamang ang aking mga nasasakupan kundi bawat isa sa inyo na nagpupursige sa buhay. Sa huli, iniiwan ko ang sa tuwina’y paalala noon ng aking ama: “Do what ish right; do what ish besht, and God will take care of the resht.”

TPH: Very well said ma’am. Pero bago ko po kayo tuluyang pakawalan, last question na lang po. Naitanong na po ito ni Mr. Boy Abunda kay Gretchen Barretto three weeks ago sa “The Buzz,” pero gusto ko pong itanong din sa inyo. Hypothetical lang po: kung sa impyerno kayo mapupunta, sino ang gusto n’yong makasama?
GMA: That’s a hard question. Pero hypothetical lang naman ‘di ba? Siguro, bilang pagtanaw ng utang na loob, isasama ko lahat ng kongresistang sumuporta sa ‘kin noong time na may mga banta ng impeachment. Exciting na biyahe ‘yon. Ang dami! Teka, puwedeng magsama ng isa pa?
TPH: Kayo po ang bahala.
GMA: Si Attorney Oliver Lozano. Mahusay siyang mag-preempt eh. Malay mo, ma-preempt din niya ang pagpasok ko sa impyerno.

TPH: Thank you so much Madam Congresswoman. It’s both an honor and a pleasure to talk to you.
GMA: Thank you too, Professional Heckler. Ikaw pala ‘yon. Hayup ka! Jussht kidding. Oops, bago ko malimutan, please add me on Facebook. Just type: Facebook.Com slash ImpunityistheBestPolicy, and then click “Like” at automatic friends na tayo. Thank you.

End of Exclusive Interview
Monday, August 2, 2010
Batasang Pambansa Parking Lot

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GOVERNMENT STATION


FOR THE SECOND time in less than a week and the third time in a month, broadcast network ABS-CBN was reportedly given preferential treatment by Malacañang. Four days after the network allegedly received an advance copy of President Aquino’s SONA, the Philippine Daily Inquirer said palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda broke the news “about Memorandum Circular No. 2 not in the government-run National Broadcasting Network as protocol demanded, but in the privately owned ABS-CBN.” The Malacañang Press Corps (MPC) is now investigating reports Lacierda’s application for the position of “Breaking News Correspondent” has been approved by Maria Ressa.

Breaking News! Unconfirmed reports say ABS-CBN News and Current Affairs head Maria Ressa has decided to pull out the network’s reporters from Malacañang. Edwin Lacierda and Ricky Carandang are already in the palace; Ressa believes that’s redundancy.

The Malacañang Press Corps (MPC) is protesting the alleged bias of Malacañang towards ABS-CBN. Members of the MPC felt they’ve had enough when palace spokespersons ended a recent press briefing with the line, “Salamat sa inyong pagdalo. Kami ang Communications Group ng Pangulo… naglilingkod sa inyo saan man sa mundo!”

For the second time in a month, palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda apologized to the Malacañang Press Corps for breaking an important piece of information to the privately-owned ABS-CBN network. Lacierda issued the apology on ANC.

SONA Leak
Palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda says Malacañang is now investigating reports that an advance copy of President Aquino’s State of the Nation Address was given to ABS-CBN last Monday. Lacierda said the probe would be as transparent as possible. In fact, the public will have a chance to see the actual investigation… on ABS-CBN’s XXX.

Palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda said “I don’t know how ABS was able to get a copy (but) I can very well vouch for the fact that although Ricky Carandang is a former employee of ABS, he did not in any way leak it to ABS because I was with him the whole time” to which former ANC host Manolo Quezon said, “Eh bakit nakatingin ka sa ‘kin?”

Spokespersons
The Communications Group of President Aquino will soon have three spokespersons: Herminio ‘Sonny’ Coloma, Edwin Lacierda, and Ricky Carandang – one for dzMM, another for ABS-CBN, and a third for ANC.

Survey Says…
Are palace communicators (e.g. Edwin Lacierda) biased towards ABS-CBN?
A: Mismo! – 25%
B: Obvious naman ‘di ba? – 25%
C: Is water liquid? – 25%
D: Okay lang. Kebs! – 25%

This is our new survey. But no need to vote. This is a biased poll. The results have been leaked to ABS-CBN even before they’re posted here.

This just in: Rumors say the Philippine Lotto Draw will soon air on ABS-CBN! Wohoo!
———————
“I think perfect objectivity is an unrealistic goal; fairness, however, is not.”
~Michael Pollan

Enjoy your weekend!

Personal Faves
SRO (Suhestyon, Reaksyon at Opinyon) with Lynda Jumilla and Alvin Elchico nightly on dzMM after TV Patrol and Strictly Politics with Pia Hontiveros, Tuesdays@7:30 PM on ANC.

COMMUNICATORS


Communications Group
President Aquino’s much-ballyhooed Communications Group will have two leaders – broadcast journalist Ricky Carandang and columnist Herminio Coloma. In appointing two heads, the President hopes to clearly relay his message to the public; draw feedback from them, and silence the warring factions in his government.

SONA Leak
Some palace reporters believe somebody in Malacañang gave ABS-CBN an advance copy of President Aquino’s speech last Monday. According to the Inquirer, ABS-CBN’s Facebook account posted a copy of the President’s speech even before he could finish his SONA. In another news dismissed by ABS-CBN as totally irrelevant, Ricky Carandang and Ces Drilon have been voted as News & Public Affairs’ most beautiful couple.

SONA Leak II
Reports say a copy of President Aquino’s SONA was leaked to ABS-CBN last Monday… something that’s not surprising since ABS-CBN is a government station.

Three Spokesmen
The President will soon have three spokespersons: Herminio Coloma, Edwin Lacierda, and Ricky Carandang. One to create the message; another to fine-tune it, and a third to leak it.

THIS JUST IN! Unverified reports say the Communications Group will soon produce a TV show for President Noynoy Aquino. The program will be similar to Mrs. Arroyo’s “The Working President.” It will be called, “The Shooting President.”


NFA & Rice
Angelito Banayo, the new administrator of the National Food Authority said the agency’s recent inventory showed there are no rotten rice stocks in its warehouses. But another inventory showed there still are rotten officials left in NFA offices.

NFA & Rice II
Assuring that the country has sufficient rice stocks up to the end of the year, NFA administrator Lito Banayo said, “Naliligo po kami sa bigas” – to which MWSS executives said, “Wala kayo sa amin. Naliligo kami sa bonuses.”


Pacquiao’s Speech
In his first privilege speech as a member of Congress, Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao quoted a line from the Hollywood film “Spiderman,” ring announcer Michael Buffer, and American poet Robert Frost. And everyone agreed – his speech was more shocking than the president’s.

Pacquiao’s Speech II
In flawless English, Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao delivered Tuesday his first ever privilege speech. Pacquiao was interrupted at least five times by applause, and thrice to look up a word in the dictionary.

Accurate Polls
According to random manual audit conducted by the National Statistics Office, results of the May 10 automated elections were 99.6 percent accurate, or as former senator Mar Roxas would insist, “It’s 0.4 percent wrong!”

Announcement
Are you a drug user who plans to travel abroad? Do you carry 26.1 grams of cocaine and two tablets of diazepam? Worry no more! NAIA security will never detect you!

Rumors say some friends of Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson who is still languishing in a Hong Kong correctional facility want him to get treatment when he is released. Nope, not the type offered by NAIA; not special treatment.

Top 5 Sayings for Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson

No. 5: Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay foil.

No. 4: Aanhin pa ang damo kung cocaine na ang uso

No. 3: Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan ay addict!

No. 2: Ang lumalakad nang matulin, may ‘tinatagong cocaine

And the No 1. saying for Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson…

To err is human, to sniff is divine.

Makati Condo Problem
Do you still remember the gas leak at the West Tower condominium in Barangay Bangkal, Makati City? At press time, investigators have yet to identify the source of the leak… although Ricky Carandang is now a suspect.
————–
“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
~Epictetus

Survey Says…
Were you shocked by President Aquino’s State of the Nation Address?
– Oo naman! Shocking talaga! 31%
– Sus! Anong shocking do’n? 57%
– I didn’t hear it. Walang TV sa office. Hmpf! 12%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Have a safe weekend everyone!

DO NOT follow me on Twitter. You’ve been warned!

SHOCK


PRESIDENT NOYNOY AQUINO says his State of the Nation Address will “shock” Filipinos… a majority of whom have yet to recover from the shock of his victory.

President Aquino warned that his SONA would “shock” every Filipino… except for Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and her former cabinet.

Presidential Communications Group member Ricky Carandang says President Aquino’s SONA will be 20-minute long… or even longer, depending on Mrs. Arroyo’s threshold for shame.

President Aquino said the first draft of his speech was 24 pages long, single-spaced and with a font size of 16 points. He also used his favorite font, Comic Sans.

The first State of the Nation Address of President Aquino will be in Filipino. The original plan was to write it in English… but President Aquino complained he couldn’t find a direct English translation for “wangwang.”

According to President Aquino, the fifth draft of his speech is down to 15 pages, and would probably take 30 minutes to read… or maybe 40, if they push through with the initial plan of including a cigarette break.

Ricky Carandang was quoted to have said that the initial draft of President Aquino’s speech reached 30 pages. And that’s just for his acknowledgment of the presence of all Abads in government!

President Aquino’s speech on Monday will reportedly focus on two things: the good intentions of the Aquino government, and the evils of the Arroyo administration. I wouldn’t be surprised if Conrado De Quiros was consulted by Aquino’s speechwriters.

Palace spokesperson Edwin Lacierda says President Aquino’s SONA will expose anomalies in the Arroyo administration. In fact, the President himself said his speech would contain at least five “discoveries” he made when he assumed office… which makes me wonder, why the need for a Truth Commission when the Communications Group is doing the same job?

President Aquino says his speech on Monday is down to 15 pages. The President is all praises for his pool of writers. You know, it’s not easy to write a 15-page speech based on a nine-year long material.

Busted: Tomorrow, Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo won’t be present in Congress’ joint session even if it’s her first term. Also expected to not show up is Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson who has started another term – a jail term.

Top 10 Rejected State of the Nation Address (SONA) Opening Lines

No. 10: “Let us offer a minute of silence for the souls of those lawmakers who cannot be with us this afternoon.”

No. 9: “Sa lahat ng nangungulit at nagtatanong, sa Biyernes pa po ang dating ni Kris.”

No. 8: “Mar, pare, I know you’re watching. Miss you ‘tol!”

No. 7: “Kay Senador Antonio Trillanes IV, ipinapangako ko, sa aking susunod na SONA, kasama ka na namin dito.”

No. 6: “We are 30 minutes ahead of schedule. It’s only 3:30. Kaya mga kaibigan, would you please welcome, ang aking idolo… Mr. Noel Cabangon!”

No. 5: “Guard, make sure na hindi makakalapit si Sharon Cuneta kay Senator Sotto.”

No. 4: “Ang hindi papalakpak, babawasan ang pork barrel!”

No. 3: “Lahat ng dumalo ngayong hapong ito ay mag-uuwi ng Chicken McNuggets meal courtesy of Pagcor!’

No. 2: “After ng aking SONA, walang street party, walang free concert, walang budget!”

And the No. 1 rejected State of the Nation Address opening line…

“Magandang balita mga kababayan! Natukoy na po ang may kasalanan sa kakulangan ng tubig sa Angat Dam; sa nag-leak na gasolina sa West Tower condominium sa Makati City, at sa hiwalayang James Yap at Kris Aquino. Walang iba kundi ang dating pangulo, si Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo!”
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“Promises are like babies: easy to make, hard to deliver.”
~Author Unknown

Breaking News!
Senator Francis ”Kiko” Pangilinan has withdrawn his bid for the presidency of the Senate. The LP senator said quitting is the best way to ensure unity among senators. It’s also the easiest way to save face.

Sen. Francis Pangilinan has withdrawn his bid for the Senate presidency. Even his party, the Liberal Party has reportedly conceded to Senator Enrile. The only person that has yet to concede is Sharon Cuneta.

Chavit Says
Ilocos Sur Governor Luis “Chavit” Singson told ABS-CBN News his son Ronald, a congressman could have been influenced (“nasulsulan”) to using drugs particularly cocaine resulting in his July 11 arrest in Hong Kong. Nasulsulan? Ronald is 41 years old. He’s a congressman. Nasulsulan? Dalawa lang ‘yan. Either he’s a drug user… or tanga.

Survey Says
Your take on the Comelec’s decision allowing Mikey Arroyo to sit as a member of Congress:
-Fair naman. Naaayon sa batas. 6%
-Lokohan na ‘to! Maling-mali ang desisyon na ‘yan! 87%
-Wala akong pakialam. 7%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Have a great week ahead. See you in Congress!

CLIQUES


Noynoy and the Press
President Aquino hosted a dinner with members of the Malacañang Press Corps Tuesday night. As he walked with reporters toward the dining table, he promised them a friendlier, and more sociable administration… and then, he ordered Atty. Edwin Lacierda to just eat outside.

Noynoy and the Press II
Reports say President Aquino wants to work with a “friendly media” during his term as president… something that’s achievable considering that he worked with an even “friendlier media” during his presidential campaign.

Communications Team
RG Cruz of ABS-CBN News reported that there are two warring factions in the newly-formed communications team of President Noynoy Aquino. One group is identified with the pro-Binay camp, while the other is allied with the pro-Mar group… or, as Conrado De Quiros would probably say, good vs. evil.

Imelda and Noynoy
Ilocos Norte Representative and former First Lady Imelda Romualdez-Marcos reportedly kissed President Noynoy Aquino on the cheek during the birthday party of Makati City Mayor Jejomar Erwin “Junjun” Binay Tuesday night. Shocked by Imelda’s gesture, Noynoy exclaimed, “Sa mga nang-api sa sambayanan, wala akong karapatan na limutin ang inyong mga kasalanan!”

During the 33rd birthday party of Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay, former First Lady Imelda Marcos approached President Aquino and kissed him on the cheek. Close aides of both Mrs. Marcos and President Aquino were surprised by the awkward moment… which became more awkward when guests started shouting, “More! More!”

Top 5 Things Overheard At the Birthday Party of Makati City Mayor Jejomar Erwin “Junjun” Binay

No. 5: “Sinabi nang oo eh!!! Ba’t ba ayaw mong maniwala? Anak niya ‘yong batang lalaki! Buti na lang ‘ka mo at nagmana sa namayapang nanay. Kung hindi, kawawang bata. Tutuksuhin sa iskul ‘yan.”

No. 4: “Hello? Hello Ate Ballsy? Choppy ka. Ate!! Hello! O ayan, malinaw na. Eh anong magagawa ko? Bigla na lang lumapit at hinalikan ako sa pisngi. Alangan namang iiwas ko ang mukha ko? Don’t worry, ‘di naman yata nakunan ng media eh.”

No. 3: “Salamat sa pagdating n’yo sa kaarawan ng aking anak! I look forward to seeing you all back here next year, and the succeeding 23 years. Thank you!”

No. 2: “‘Noy, ‘di na ba talaga magagawan ng paraan ‘yong DILG? Baka naman puwedeng term-sharing? Kay Jesse ang first three years, sa akin ang last three?”

And the No. 1 thing overheard at the birthday party of Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay…

“Hindi!!!! Hindi maaari! Hayaan mo siyang maghintay sa kotse! Malinaw ang nasa imbitasyon mahal na pangulo. Ikaw lang ang imbitado, hindi ang iyong alter ego!

Trust Rating
The latest Social Weather Stations survey showed that 88 percent of adult Filipinos trust President Noynoy Aquino. The other 12 percent are his ex-girlfriends.

Trust Rating II
According to the latest SWS survey, Vice President Jejomar Binay obtained a “very good” trust rating of 77 percent. The survey was conducted a week before Binay’s convoy beat the red light along Araneta Avenue.


Ruffa’s New Love?
Smartmatic president Cesar Flores and Ruffa Gutierrez are now an item! Unconfirmed reports say Flores gave Ruffa a PCOS machine on their first date. To prove that the gift was for real, Flores tried feeding a ballot into Ruffa’s PCOS machine. But Annabelle Rama arrived unannounced, and his ballot was rejected.

Ruffa’s New Love? II
Rumors say Smartmatic president Cesar Flores is reminded of Ruffa Gutierrez whenever he sees a PCOS machine. Asked why, he said, “madaling mag-init.”
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“Every clique is a refuge for incompetence. It fosters corruption and disloyalty, it begets cowardice, and consequently is a burden upon and a drawback to the progress of the country.”
~ Madame Chiang Kai-Shek

Survey Says
Maging patas kaya ang Malacañang sa paglalabas ng impormasyon sa media ngayong nasa gov’t media group na ang former ABSCBN reporter na si Ricky Carandang?
OO naman! Fair pa rin ‘yan. 25%
HINDI. Ang swerte ng ABS-CBN! 47%
Let’s see. 28%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: Drinking spree in Malacañang

Personal
Before I started blogging, I ‘heckled’ political figures and celebrities by sending letters to broadsheet editors just like what the ‘legend’ in that field, Mr. Paul Mortel of Marikina City did. I won’t forget Mr. Mortel because he would almost always react to my own ‘letters to the editor’ by sending me personal mails. The letters were sent to our old office in Guadalupe, Makati City. Thus, it’s shocking and sad to hear about the guy’s untimely demise. May you rest in peace Mr Paul.

Adders
Pagtalakay sa mga usaping panlipunan at pulitika. Ito ang tatalo sa mga kasabay na telenovela. Dito, ang pananaw mo ang bida. SRO with Alvin Elchico and Lynda Jumilla nightly after TV Patrol on dzMM.

Another show I try to catch whenever I’m home on Thursday night is Susan Enriquez’ SUS NAMAN! on QTV. Try n’yo rin!

Enjoy the rest of the week!