NO DEAL

amonged Panlilio for President?
Pampanga governor Ed Panlilio’s supporters want him to run for president in 2010. Rumors say Panlilio is willing to accept the challenge if and only if every city and municipality in the country would open a quarry site.

Panlilio for President? II
Pampanga governor Ed Panlilio says he won’t leave the priesthood even if he runs for president. But that’s okay. After all, a number of our senators and congressmen didn’t leave the circus when they ran for Congress.


“Alabang Boys” Case
Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez has ordered the filing of charges against high-profile suspected drug dealers Richard Brodett, Jorge Joseph and Joseph Tecson otherwise known as the “Alabang Boys.” State prosecutor John Resado felt so guilty he decided to just return the 1.6 million pesos to the boys’ relatives.

“Alabang Boys” Case II
After more than six months, Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez has finally ordered the filing of charges against the Alabang Boys. When the news came out, Embassy Super Club co-owner Tim Yap received several text messages that read, “We’re sorry for your loss.”

jaloss1 Jalosjos Goes Malling
A couple of days after his release from prison, convicted rapist and former Zamboanga Del Norte congressman Romeo Jalosjos went to the mall. He spent an hour shopping, an hour eating, two hours at the movies, and half a day “strolling” at Toy Kingdom’s Barbie and Bratz dolls section.

pacman Pacquiao Backtracks
A day after insisting that his May 2 fight will be shown on ABS-CBN, Manny Pacquiao backtracked and decided to honor his legally binding contract with Solar Sports. In a period of only four days, Pacquiao became Kapuso, Kapamilya, and Katawa-tawa.

dyanc ABS-CBN’s celebration was cut short when Manny Pacquiao decided to honor his contract with Solar Sports. Because of this development, ABS-CBN will no longer give a bonus to Dyan Castillejo.

Inquirer columnist Beth Celis said a lady brokered the aborted deal between Manny Pacquiao and ABS-CBN. Did I say ABS-CBN is no longer giving Dyan Castillejo a bonus?

In a press conference yesterday, Manny Pacquiao revealed that the statement he read during an ABS-CBN newscast insisting that his fight would be shown on the Kapamilya channel was actually prepared by representatives of the network. Sources say the prepared statement was actually drafted by the writers of “Maalaala Mo Kaya.”

Did you see Dyan Castillejo’s futile attempt to get a statement from Manny Pacquiao outside his training camp in Los Angeles? Geez, the rumor must be true after all! Dyan will replace Nicolette Sheridan in “Desperate Housewives.”

This Just In! Sketchy reports say Manny Pacquiao will not be wearing shoes when he fights Ricky Hatton on May 2! You know what he’s going to wear? Flip-flops.

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“Lack of loyalty is one of the major causes of failure in every walk of life.”
~Napoleon Hill

BIG SPENDERS


Geez, Geese!
A US Airways jetliner crashed into New York’s Hudson River after a collision with a flock of birds. Sought for a reaction, outgoing US President George W. Bush said he knew that Al Qaeda had been training geese as a weapon of mass destruction.

War on Drugs
Remember my previous post about President Arroyo appointing herself as the government’s anti-drug czar? She said the fight against illegal drugs would be waged from three fronts: law enforcement, judicial action and policymaking. Of course, her job against drug traffickers and drug dealers would be a lot easier… if she starts with the abolition of the DOJ.

Can you believe it? Justice Sec. Raul Gonzales had said that Major Ferdinand Marcelino’s (yeah, that honest witness) participation in the operations of the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency was “unconstitutional.” Ladies and gentlemen, meet the new lawyer for the Alabang Boys!

3422ed67c2 Senate’s Biggest Spenders
According to the Commission on Audit, senators Bong Revilla, Jinggoy Estrada, and Lito Lapid were among the Senate’s three biggest spenders for the year 2007. The actors spent nearly 47 million pesos that year! But you know what’s more surprising about the COA report? Revilla, Jinggoy, and Lapid were senators! Yeah they are. Amazing!

Now hear this. Detained senator Antonio Trillanes spent more than 8 million pesos in six months alone. If you double that amount to simulate a 12-month service, the Oakwood mutineer would be spending more than 16 million pesos making him the biggest spending legislator in the Senate ever. And he’s not even an actor!

The Commission on Audit reported that Sen. Manny Villar is one of thriftiest senators in 2007. Senators Panfilo Lacson and Jamby Madrigal refused to believe the ranking and instructed COA auditors to verify its report just to make sure there was no double entry under the name “Manuel Villar.”

Senator Joker Arroyo is the most frugal member of the Senate. He is also proud of his perfect attendance as a lawmaker for 17 straight years… to which Sen. Lito Lapid said,”Wala ‘yan! Bakit? Kaya ba niya ang five straight years na laging tulog sa session?”

leviste Leviste Guilty
Former Batangas governor Jose Antonio Leviste has been sentenced to 12 years in prison for shooting dead his long-time aide. When his ex-wife Loren Legarda heard the news, she said, “Tama ang manghuhula! This is my year!”

After his sentencing, former Batangas governor Tony Leviste told the media, “I am innocent.” That was the exact same line uttered by Loren Legarda when her marriage to Leviste collapsed.

For killing his long-time aide Rafael De Las Alas in January 2007, former Batangas governor Jose Antonio Leviste – father of famous athlete Toni Leviste has been sentenced to 12 years in prison. Excited inmates at the Makati City Jail couldn’t wait to play “equestrian” with him.

3422ed67c1 De La Paz’ Golf Shares
Businessman Delfin de la Paz is selling his shares at the Valley Golf and Country Club following his expulsion. Prospective buyers must have knowledge of karate, aikido, or any form of self-defense.

Survey Says…
Here’s the result of our survey: Who’s the most annoying?
Mikey Arroyo – 40%
Jinggoy Estrada – 28%
Kris Aquino – 28%
Others – 4%

Funny. One respondent even answered: Niñez Cacho-Olivarez of the Daily Tribune. Another, Willie Revillame.

We have a new survey. Vote now!

Personal
Thanks to everyone who sent their greetings. One of my birthday wishes has also been granted: Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers. Have a great weekend!

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“You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than you earn.”
~ Abraham Lincoln

2009 PREDICTIONS

Top 15 Predicted Scandals and Controversies of 2009

15: Vicki Belo admits “huge crush” on BJ “Tolits” Forbes; young actor’s mom alerts Bantay Bata

14: Amid mounting criticisms, Manny Pacquiao moves up from lightweight to heavyweight; Bob Arum eyes multi-million dollar bout against Vladimir Klitschko

13: Optical Media Board detects melamine and excessive amount of lead in pirated DVDs from China; massive raids in Quiapo, Metrowalk, St. Francis Square, and Makati Cinema Square set

12: Bus operators seek court’s TRO against MMDA Chairman Bayani Fernando’s new memorandum circular requiring the installation of urinals aboard buses

11. Communist leader Jose Ma. Sison finally returns home and joins the celebrity edition of Pinoy Big Brother to re-launch his career and to entice more recruits!

10: PLDT and Smart CEO Manny V. Pangilinan officially launches Pink Mobile – the first and only pre-paid network for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenders.

9: ABS-CBN announces bid for 2010 elections; Ted and Korina to lead nominees of Kapamilya Party-list Group

8: Sen. Mar Roxas denounces favoritism and censorship as he is barred from speaking by fellow opposition leaders in 2009’s biggest anti-Charter Change rally in Makati City

7: Recession finally hits home as Divisoria’s 168 and Tutuban malls shut down operations due to poor sales

6: 2010 Polls: Newly-formed Moral Revolution Party picks JDV and JDV III for president and vice president respectively; Jun Lozada banners senatorial slate

5: Abused by their employer, two Filipina maids in Pasig City seek help from Sen. Manuel Villar but the senator declines as the identity of the employer is revealed: Princess Revilla.

4: Justice Sec. Raul Gonzales Sr. is diagnosed with advanced Alzheimer’s but refuses to step down. To keep his post, he threatens to fight all the way up to the Supreme Court, and tells his detractors to just “jump into Pasig River.”

3: Two coups in two chambers: Lito Lapid is new Senate president; House installs Mikey Arroyo as Speaker

2: Diarrhea downs First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo anew. But in a surprising and totally bizarre twist, the “diarrhea” calls for a press con, denies culpability, and brands Attorney Arroyo “a liar.”

And the No. 1 predicted scandal of 2009…

1: Arroyo government agrees to ratify revised memorandum of agreement on land ownership with MILF rebels. Peace panel member Nasser Pangandaman Sr. says the controversial new pact shall cover only the country’s 10 largest golf courses.

Happy New Year!

Personal: Thanks again to Jove of TV5 for this ahem, recognition(?).
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Never make predictions, especially about the future.
~ Casey Stengel

GETTING READY TO RUMBLE

null GMA vs. The Lopezes

Malacañang’s allies in Congress, Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago and Cong. Mikey Arroyo are out to draw first blood on the Lopez-owned Manila Electric Co. as they initiate a joint congressional probe on Meralco’s high power rates. The Lopezes are unfazed though. If GMA has Miriam and Mikey, Meralco has DZMM and ANC.

null JDV III On Food Crisis

Businessman Jose “Joey” de Venecia III said the cause of the country’s rice crisis can be described in one word – corruption. I am offering an alternative description in three letters – JDV.

Threats Against JDV III

Months after testifying on the ZTE broadband scandal, losing bidder Joey De Venecia III told the media that threats on his life continue. He didn’t give a reason though why the public should give a damn.

Gays and Santacruzan

Manila Archbishop Gaudencio Cardinal Rosales discourages homosexuals from joining the Santacruzan… totally ignoring the fact that without gays , the Reyna Elenas, Reyna Emperatrizes and the sagalas would probably look like menopausal hermana mayores sans make up.

No Cams, Phones in ORs

The Commission on Higher Education has banned medical students from using video cameras, mobile phones with camera features and other similar equipment while attending clinical classes and conducting surgeries. But if medical students have attending physicians like those docs at the Vicente Memorial Medical Center in Cebu, why fear a CHEd memo?

null Piolo and Sam to DOJ

Claiming that entertainment columnist Lolit Solis has been bragging that she’s “close” to some DOJ prosecutors, rumored sweethearts Piolo Pascual and Sam Milby went to Justice Sec. Raul Gonzales’s office and sought assurances that the libel case they had filed against Solis would be handled fairly. Secretary Gonzales assured Piolo and Sam that the DOJ is impartial and fair – especially to gay people.

On A Serious Note

Unimpeachable sources say showbiz celeb F is dying. Celeb F went abroad recently for a check up but Celeb F’s American doctors were honest to say that therapy or any other form of medication is useless at this point in time. Celeb F decided to return home. Close friends quoted Celeb F as saying, “Ayokong sa US pa ako abutan.”

Sigh.

Personal null

The NBA’s best player for the past four years has finally won a well-deserved MVP trophy. Yehey! Next up for Kobe Bryant, another NBA title!