Tag: professional heckler

SURPRISE!

GMA and the Olympics null

President Arroyo will attend the opening of the 29th Summer Olympics in Beijing this year. Rumors say there has just been an ex-deal between Mrs. Arroyo and the Chinese government: China gives her reserved seats in the stadium; RP gives China oil reserves at the Spratlys. Fair enough?

null GMA and the Olympics II null

President Arroyo will attend the opening of the 29th Summer Olympics in Beijing this year. Rumors say she’ll then meet with Chinese President Hu Jintao to talk about the possibility of co-hosting the 2018 Asian Games – at the Spratly Islands.

null “Surprise Witness”

The Philippine Daily Inquirer’s top story Sunday claimed that former Phil. National Oil Company president Eduardo Mañalac is the new “surprise witness” who will testify before the Senate on the NBN ZTE anomaly. However, a stunned Mañalac strongly denied the report of the Inquirer. After reading the paper, Mañalac thus became a “surprised witness.”

“Surprise Witness” II

The Philippine Daily Inquirer‘s top story Sunday claimed that former Phil. National Oil Company president Eduardo Mañalac is the new “surprise witness” who will testify before the Senate on the NBN ZTE scandal. However, the report has been categorically denied by Mañalac himself, the Senate through Sen. Panfilo Lacson, and NBN ZTE whistleblower Joey De Venecia. Mañalac may have been surprised by the Inquirer report – but for regular readers of the paper? Wala ‘yon! Sanay na kami sa Inquirer!

“Surprise Witness” III

An infuriated Eduardo Mañalac has written the Philippine Daily Inquirer and categorically denied its banner story Sunday claiming he was the Senate’s next “surprise” star witness on the NBN ZTE deal. Mañalac said, “Worse than hearsay, this article is a complete falsehood,” and hinted that he might take legal action against the Inquirer. This “star witness” is mad but right now, another star must be smiling and glad – The Philippine Star!

Cory’s Plea

Former President Corazon Aquino appealed to the public to pray for the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines to reconsider its original stand not to call for the resignation of President Arroyo. Let’s see which is more powerful: Cory or the PCSO – Pera o Prayer?

Lozada’s Wish

The other day, ZTE NBN deal witness Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada said “I’m getting my life back and I want to live a normal life.” And in case you didn’t notice, he has started living his so-called “normal life” by touring the whole archipelago – absolutely for free. Sweet!

JDV and Lakas

According to Cong. Jose De Venecia’s lawyer Raul Lambino, JDV will not leave Lakas-CMD because he will be the “konsensya” of Lakas. Hmmm, tell me: a party without conscience and a party with De Venecia as its conscience… what’s the difference?

null Morato and Lozada

PCSO director Manoling Morato lambasted ZTE NBN witness Jun Lozada saying he is as fake as his name. Sought for his reaction on Morato’s rant, Lozada allegedly replied, “No comment po ako d’yan kasi sabi po ng tatay ko… hindi dapat pinapatulan ang mga babae.”

Bad Education

Check out the latest YouTube sensation: 2008 Bb. Pilipinas-World Janina San Miguel.

Have a great week ahead!

JUNKED!

null EO 464 Scrapped

President Arroyo has officially scrapped EO 464 which barred government officials from testifying in congressional inquiries. Following her revocation of the directive though, President Arroyo ordered officials of the executive branch to attend scriptwriting workshops a day before each congressional hearing.

EO 464 Scrapped II

President Arroyo has decided to scrap EO 464 which barred government officials from testifying in congressional inquiries… reportedly sending chills down the spine of CHEd Chairman Romulo Neri who couldn’t imagine himself “coming out” in front of senators live on ANC!

null The Deal on Spratlys

Reports say President Arroyo entered into an agreement with China in 2004 allowing it to explore the disputed Spratly Islands in exchange for an $8-billion loan package. Teka lang, is there a way to check if we still are Filipinos?! Baka pati Pilipinas nabenta na, hindi lang natin alam.

JDV on Spratly Deal

Former House Speaker Jose De Venecia denied that the Spratly deal is tied to loans from China. Hanggang ngayon ba naman, in denial pa rin si JDV na nuknukan rin sha ng katiwalian?

Erap on Succession

Pardoned plunderer and former president Joseph Estrada said that “I have the constitutional right to replace President Arroyo because I was unconstitutionally removed.” Constitutionally… just shut up!

Erap on Noli

Pardoned plunderer Joseph Estrada said he is not comfortable with Vice President Noli de Castro replacing President Arroyo. Actually, kami rin – sa inyong dalawa.

null JLo’s Sanctuary Fund

The good news is that the sanctuary fund for Jun Lozada has reached 2 million pesos. The bad news: that’s not enough to launch a senatorial campaign in 2010.

JLo’s School Tour

Handlers of Jun Lozada have arranged for him a nationwide high school graduation tour where he is expected to deliver speeches. That, in fact, is a wise move considering that members of this year’s graduating class would be 18 or older by 2010 and would definitely be eligible to vote.

Tabloid Headlines: ZTE NBN and Other News

Good News: Bagong testigo sa NBN ZTE deal lulutang
Bad News: Bagong testigo, sobrang ingat dahil ayaw niyang lumutang… sa Pasig River

Good News: Senado, may bagong “surprise witness”
Bad News: Surprise witness, lalabas sa isang giant cake (may clowns pang kasama)

Good News: Bagong “surprise witness” ng Senado, hawak ni Senador Lacson
Bad News: Hawak ni Lacson? Anong surprising do’n?

Good News: Senador Lacson may bagong “surprise star witness”
Bad News: Jun Lozada, kinakabahan; takot matalbugan

Good News: Senators to unveil new star witness
Bad News: Pero belo ni Neri, ‘di nila ma-unveil

Quote of the Week

TV host/manager Lolit Solis’ reply to another scribe when the latter asked: “Sa palagay ‘po n’yo bakit maraming babae ang nagkakagusto kay Senator Bong (Revilla)?”:

“Eh kasi nga dakila si Bong noh! Malaki ang nota n’yan kaya maraming babae ang na-e-elya elya sa kanya. Kahit maglaway pa kayo sa nota ni Bong, si Lani pa rin ang legal wife noh!”

Enjoy your weekend!

THE TRUTH

Breaking News!

This is Heckler News Network (HNN) and we’re bringing you this breaking news live from an undisclosed location in the Philippines. Here’s HNN correspondent Polly T. Caliumor…

HNN Correspondent: Good evening! For the first time since President Arroyo assumed office seven years ago, HNN is giving you the exclusive, unprecedented, and I must say extremely rare interview with someone who’s been in the news recently. The political opposition has been looking for it. The bishops, the academe, the businessmen, the masses are asking for it. Even Malacañang claims to be searchin’ too.
Kaya ngayon mga mahal naming tagapanood, inihahatid namin ang matagal na ninyong hinahanap. Sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon…

Pero bago ‘yan, may pakiusap nga pala siya. Sana raw ay huwag nang ipakita ang kanyang mukha. Iginagalang po natin ang kahilingan ng ating guest kaya, pagbibigyan natin siya.

Ladies and gentlemen, live ngayong araw na ito dito sa Heckler News Network, ang matagal n’yo nang hinahanap…

…  si TRUTH.
HNN: Welcome to HNN Truth.
TRUTH: Careful… careful!

HNN: Alam mo Truth, kaboses na kaboses mo si Ate Luds, eye to eye kang makipag-usap at see-true pa ang suot mo. Hindi kaya siya at ikaw ay iisa?
TRUTH: Wala namang bastusan. Pinagbigyan na nga kita sa exclusive interview ‘tapos mambabastos ka pa. Konting respeto naman. Tsaka, never kong pinangarap maging anak ‘yong tsismosang columnist ng Inquirer ‘noh!

HNN: Oh, I am so sorry. I really am. Sige, seryoso na tayo. Truth, bakit sa amin mo piniling magsalita? Bakit hindi sa GMA, sa ABS-CBN, sa ABC 5 o kaya sa Senado?
TRUTH: Ganito ‘yon ok? Kung pupunta ako sa ABS-CBN, baka maging half-truth na lang ako kapag ibinalita nila. Kung sa GMA naman… I’m sure, gagamitin lang ako sa ratings. Sa ABC 5? Ano ako, PBA?! At kung sa Senado naman… syet! Sobrang powerful at influential ng mga tao do’n. Baka pagpasok ko pa lang sa Senate compound, maging LIE na ako. Kaya dito na lang ako sa HNN, walang pinapanigan… walang pinuprotektahan… in the service of the Filipino people.

HNN: Unang tanong… bakit TRUTH ang pangalan mo?
TRUTH: Actually, TRU talaga ang pangalan ko dahil TOTOO ako… walang pagkukunwari. Pero alam mo naman, ang hirap magpakatotoo. Lalo na sa pulitika. You must exert extra effort to be believable. Kaya I try hard to be honest all the time. In fact, sa sobrang pagta-try ko, napansin ng aking nanay na nagiging TH na ko. OA na raw. Kaya ayun, nagpasya siyang dagdagan ng TH ang name ko. Ang TRU naging TRUTH.

HNN: I see. Alam mo Truth, mahigit pitong taon ka nang hinahanap ng maraming Pinoy. Obispo, estudyante, pulitiko, negosyante, squatter, komunista, Iglesia… lahat sila nagtatanong. When will TRUTH come out?
TRUTH: Whoa! Teka… teka. Linawin natin ‘to for the sake of our gullible viewers ok? Hindi po ako closet gay. When those people demanded that I come out, ibig sabihin po, lumantad, hindi lumadlad. Just so you know, hindi po bakla ang katotohanan. But don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against the Danton Remotos or the Romulo Ner… I mean Rustom Padillas of this country. Nais ko lang ipaalam sa inyong lahat na walang kasarian ang katotohanan.

HNN: True! Pasok sa banga!
TRUTH: Anong sabi mo?
HNN: Ah eh… what I’m tryin’ to say was, I do agree with what you said. Eh Truth, baka gusto mong sagutin ang tanong ng marami. Where has TRUTH been? Kailan lilitaw ang katotohanan?
TRUTH: Bakit? Nawala ba ako? Never akong nawala. Kailanman ay hindi ako nawala. Sabi nga sa tagline ng paborito kong ‘90s series nina Fox Mulder at Dana Scully, ‘yong X Files: “The truth is out there.”

HNN: Out there? Saang “out there” eh three years ago pa pumutok ang “Hello Garci” controversy, pero never ka pa naming nakita. Na-expose na ‘yong kalokohan ni Jocjoc Bolante, sinundan pa nitong maanomalyang deal sa ZTE, pero may narinig ba kami sa ‘yo? Wala! At noong isang lingo… sa interfaith rally ng kulang-kulang otsenta mil na tao sa Ayala, kahit saglit ba, nakita man lang ba namin ang anino mo? H-I-N-D-I. Read my lips… hindi!
TRUTH: Tanga! Umaambon no’n, walang araw. Paano mo makikita ang anino ko! Bobo naman nitong correspondent na to! Hello!?! Michael Fajatin ikaw ba yan!?
HNN: Huwag kang magpatawa. Hindi ka kalbo at lalong hindi ka kongresista!
TRUTH: Hindi mo kasi nage-gets ang sinasabi ko eh. Hindi ako nagtago! Hindi ako nagtatago. At hindi ako magtatago. Huwag n’yo kong baligtarin.

HNN: Paanong huwag baligtarin eh never ka pa ngang nagsalita?
TRUTH: Hayyyy naku! Ang buko pie mo!
HNN: Buko pie?
TRUTH: Oo, buko pie. Ang Colette mo eh.
HNN: Ang corny huh!
TRUTH: Alam mo, kayong mga Pilipino ang may problema, hindi ako! Inuulit ko, hindi ako nawala. The TRUTH has always been there. Maraming beses na ‘kong nagsalita! Iba’t ibang venues at avenues na ang ginamit ko para mapansin n’yo. Pero matitigas ang ulo n’yo. Mayorya sa inyo, hindi man lang ako pinansin, nagtanga-tangahan… kunwari bulag… kunwari bingi. Pagkakatapos ng isang eskandalo, kapag wala na sa front page ng diyaryo… wala na. Next scandal please… Tapos umaasa na lang kayo na sana magtae at ma-confine ulit ang pangulo n’yo. O kaya atakihin ulit sa puso ang Unang Ginoo.

HNN: So ibig mong sabihin, kulang pa ang ginawa namin?
TRUTH: Actually hindi naman. Hindi kulang ang ginagawa n’yo! Kulang ang bilang n’yo! Pucha naman. Huwag naman n’yong iasa na lamang sa mga kumentarista ng DZMM o sa mga kolumnista ng Malaya ang laban. Ang dapat n’yong gawin, gisingin ang mga nagtutulug-tulugan. ‘Yong mga deadma, ipakagat sa bubuyog nang magising. Pero dapat ‘yong bubuyog… si Jollibee! (Syet, lumang joke!) Walumpung libo sa Ayala?!? Heller! Eighty million plus kayo? Nasaan ang iba?!
HNN: So ibig mong sabihin, magpapakita ka sa rally kapag umabot ang “warm bodies” sa isang milyon?
TRUTH: Tanga! Ano ako militar?
HNN: Eh kelan ka nga lalabas?!?
TRUTH: Naknamput*! Katulad ng sabi ko, nandy’an lang ako. The truth is just there. Alam ng tao ang totoo. Pero hindi ako ang kailangang lumabas o magpakita. Kayong mga Pilipino ang dapat mauna. Ang hirap kasi, in denial ang marami sa inyo eh. You do know the truth pero takot kayong tanggapin ito. Come out! Face the truth. Harapin n’yo ko!

HNN: Can you cite an instance kung kelan ka nagpakita in the past?
TRUTH: Ilang beses na! Iba’t ibang katawan na nga ang sinapian ko para lang maramdaman n’yo pero wa epek pa rin. No’ng mag-testify si Udong Mahusay, naroon ako! Pero anong nangyari? Wala. May kinasuhan ba ‘yong senador na nilapitan ni Udong? Wala! Ginamit lang siya. Pero syet naman… I was there at that very moment. Matapos ang sunud-sunod na hearing, kinalimutan na ako. And I resented that. I totally resented that!

HNN: Any message to the Filipino people na naghahanap sa ‘yo?
TRUTH: Ano ito Startalk? Message ka d’yan! Hindi na kailangan. Babati na lang ako. Salamat sa Sari-Sari for my clothes at kina Dr. Manny and Pie Calayan for my recent rhinoplasty. At sa mga nagtatanong kung bading daw ba si Dr. Manny, ito lang po ang masasabi ko. I am the Truth kaya never akong nag-lie! Lalaki po siya. Minsan!

HNN: Hypothetical lang Truth… paano kung ipa-review ng Malacañang ang aircheck ng interview na ito at ipahanap ka?
TRUTH:I doubt it. I seriously doubt it. Dahil mula’t mula pa, Malacañang knows who, where and what I am. Alam ng palasyo ang katotohanan.

HNN: Sa palagay mo, kailan mahihinto ang paghananap ng mga Pinoy sa ‘yo?
TRUTH: I think kapag na-realize nilang kasama nila ako araw-araw. Kapag mas nakakaraming bilang na sa kanila ang tumanggap sa akin. Kapag tuluyan na silang nagising na mahirap palang hanapin ang isang bagay na hindi naman talaga nawawala. I reiterate… the Truth is just out there (Play X Files Theme) Kailangan n’yo lang yakapin at ipaglaban.

HNN: Maiba ako ng usapan. Anong masasabi mo sa balitang nagkabalikan na ulit sina Gretchen at Tonyboy?
TRUTH: Naku! Hindi ko na sakop ‘yan. Kasinungalingan na ‘yan. Remember, I am the Truth. At ilang ulit ko bang sasabihin sa ‘yo na hindi ako showbiz! Wala akong hilig d’yan!

HNN: We still have a minute to go. You wanna add anything?
TRUTH: Wala na. I really need to go dahil last few episodes na ng Marimar. Ayaw kong mamiss ang kasal nila ni Sergio.

HNN: And that’s the Truth!

Have a great week!

THIS JUST IN…

null Weird Octopus!

A rare six-legged octopus has been discovered off the coast of north Wales in England. A normal octopus has eight legs. I therefore conclude that this new discovery – is an insect.

THEY CAME, THEY SAW, THEY CONCURRED

null Interfaith Rally

Tens of thousands of anti-Arroyo protesters converged at the corner of Ayala Avenue and Paseo De Roxas Street in Makati City Friday and called for the resignation of President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. Among the speakers at the rally, ZTE NBN scandal whistleblower Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada drew the loudest cheers from the crowd – automatically making him the frontrunner for the opposition’s 2010 senatorial draft.

null Interfaith Rally II

While protesters were shouting anti-GMA slogans in Makati City, it was business as usual for President Arroyo who even made short trips to Bulacan and Luneta. As Romulo Neri would have described it, that’s the “devil-may-care” attitude.

Interfaith Rally III

While the interfaith rally was ongoing, hundreds of government officials – including more then 100 congressmen, more than 40 governors, and mayors – allied with the President were at Malacañang to attend a mass requested by Camarines Sur 1st District Rep. Diosdado “Dato” Arroyo. Rumors say the priest who celebrated the mass is still in shock. It was his first time to officiate a mass attended by that so many evils.

null Interfaith Rally IV

Short of admitting his reported illicit dalliances, Jun Lozada asked the Makati City crowd, “Mapapatawad n’yo po ba ako sa aking ginawa?” A crowd led by former president Joseph Estrada cheered: “Why not?!”

Interfaith Rally V

The wives of the jailed members of the Magdalo group joined the interfaith rally at Ayala Avenue and stayed there ‘til evening. For once… their night was never lonely.

null Interfaith Rally VI

Days before the interfaith rally in Makati City, defeated presidential candidate and Jesus Is Lord Movement leader Bro. Eddie Villanueva said that 100,000 of his followers will attend the rally. Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay estimated the Makati crowd at 80,000. If Villanueva was telling the truth about his flock, that makes every single person in that Makati City rally a Born-again Christian. Amen!

Villanueva’s Flock

In 2004, Bro. Eddie Villanueva said that the five million strong Jesus is Lord Movement will make him president. He lost.  Last week, Villanueva promised to lead his 100,000 followers to the interfaith rally in Makati. Just wondering: what happened to the other 4.9 million?

Susan A No-Show

Character actor Rez Cortez, leader of the FPJ Movement for Truth and Democracy revealed that Susan Roces, FPJ’s widow “does not want to mix up with us anymore” and has refused to join political rallies. In fairness to Ms Roces, she may have yet to see the truth but she seems to have seen the light.

In Other News… null

Noli is Prepared

Vice President Noli De Castro said, “I am always ready to assume the presidency.” Kami, hindi.

Pulse Asia Survey

The latest Pulse Asia survey on the ZTE NBN controversy showed that 76% of Metro Manila residents distrust the president while 76% distrust the First Gentleman. How sweet! Even in surveys, they’re a perfect match!

Gina De Venecia, Again

Gina De Venecia, wife of the ousted House Speaker lamented that President Arroyo once told her, “I am the president, you’re just a housewife.” So, anong problema mo?

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

LOST IN TRANSLATION

Top 12 Filipino Translations of Hollywood Movie Titles (Inspired by the Current Political Turmoil)

12: The Santa Clause: Ang Mabait na si Mike Defensor, Namimigay ng Pera

11: No Country for Old Men: Okay Sana si Salonga, Kaya Lang Matanda Na

10: There Will Be Blood: Bababa Ka Ba sa Puwesto o Hindi?!?

9: To Catch A Thief: Paano Hulihin Ang Unang Ginoo

8: Million Dollar Baby: Ang Kontrata sa ZTE

7: Invasion of the Body Snatchers: Itinakas sa NAIA

6: House of Flying Daggers: Ang Mababang Kapulungan ng Kongreso

5: Close Encounters of the Third Kind: Isang Gabi sa Piling Ni Neri

4: The Fast and the Furious: Mabilis Man Ang PSG, Naisahan Pa Rin Ng Mga Galit Na Madre

3: Liar Liar: Ang Pangulo

2: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Si Lozada, si De Venecia, at si Salceda (Bitch!)

And the No. 1 Filipino Translation of a Hollywood movie title…

1: Deliver Us From Evil: Ilayo Mo Kami sa Malakanyang

ARF!

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JOEY SALCEDA’s off-tangent remark on President Arroyo was half-amusing, half-disturbing. If her own men wouldn’t respect her, who else will? Let me start this post by quoting a portion of a ’90s hit from singer/songwriter/guitarist Meredith Brooks. (I actually imagine GMA singing this tune.) The title of the song? BITCH.

“I’m a bitch, I’m a lover
I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed.”

Eksakto ba?

Salceda and GMA

Economic adviser and Albay Governor Joey Salceda described President Arroyo as “the luckiest bitch.” ‘Yan po ang dahilan kung bakit lagi siyang napapaligiran – ng mga tuta.

Salceda and GMA II

Albay Governor Joey Salceda says President Arroyo is a “lucky bitch.” Sought for a reaction, the president didn’t say a word. She barked! (Arf!)

Salceda and GMA III

In a forum at the Ateneo De Manila campus in Makati City, Albay Gov. Joey Salceda remarked that President Arroyo’s “a bitch.” So what does that make then of Mikey, Dato, and Luli? ‘Naknamput*?!? (Mean!)

Salceda and GMA IV null

Albay Governor Joey Salceda said that he was “just joking” when he made his “bitch” remark on President Arroyo – something that was totally unnecessary because, with or without a joke, he already looked like a punch line.

IN OTHER NEWS…

KC vs. Hunger

The United Nations World Food Programme has named young star KC Concepcion as the Philippines’ ambassador against hunger… mainly because every time Filipinos stare at her mother Sharon – busog na sila.

Gina’s Rant

Of late, Gina De Venecia, wife of ousted House Speaker Jose De Venecia has been hurling allegations after allegations against Mrs. Arroyo and her administration. Because of this, she has been chosen as the newest endorser of a dietary supplement – Charantia Ampalaya… kahon pa lang bitter na!

(P)RESIDENT EVIL

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Neri and GMA

Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada revealed that Commission on Higher Education Chairman Romulo Neri once described President Arroyo as “evil.” Well, that explains why three impeachment complaints didn’t work on her. Maybe, an exorcism will.

Neri and GMA II

According to Jun Lozada, CHEd Chairman Romulo Neri described President Arroyo as “evil.” Now we know why the CBCP is so afraid of her.

Neri and GMA III

CHEd Chairman Romulo Neri described President Arroyo as “evil.” Now we know why she could speak 15 different languages, some of which ordinary Filipinos wouldn’t normally understand.

Neri and GMA IV

According to Jun Lozada, CHEd Chairman Romulo Neri called President Arroyo “evil.” So what does that make of Mikey, Dato and Luli? Anak ng De*onyo?!? Ouch!

Neri and GMA V

An incensed Mikey Arroyo lashed out at Jun Lozada for saying that Romulo Neri had described his mother as evil. Mikey allegedly threatened that if their paths crossed, he would attack Lozada… with his horns.

Neri Will Stay

Amid calls for him to step down and abandon President Arroyo, CHEd Chairman Romulo Neri said he “had no reason to and I have no intention to resign.” Romy Neri is now officially… possessed.

Money for Lozada

The good news? The “sanctuary fund” being raised by the Senate for Jun Lozada has reached 500,000 pesos. The bad news? That’s just one fourth of his kids’ tuition at La Salle Greenhills.

Money for Lozada II

The good news? The “sanctuary fund” being raised by the Senate for Jun Lozada has reached 500,000 pesos. The bad news? That’s just half of the interest he needs to settle with Citibank.

In Other News…

Sen. Bong Revilla was hospitalized because of chest pains making him unavailable in the ongoing Senate hearings. If it’s any consolation, hindi halata.

JDV and the 2004 Polls

Pangasinan Rep. Jose De Venecia Jr. will file a resolution seeking to probe the alleged cheating in the 2004 elections. Uyyy, may nagpapapansin.

JDV and the 2004 Polls II

The good news from Pangasinan Rep. Jose De Venecia Jr.: he’s reportedly filing a House resolution seeking to investigate the alleged cheating in the 2004 elections. The bad news for him – we already have a hero in Jun Lozada. He should pretend to be one some other time.

From My Inbox

Lozada: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Chinese

Atienza: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Hawaiian

Lacson: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Pinay

Jamby: 1/2 Boy, 1/2 Girl

Enrile: 1/2 GMA, 1/2 Erap

GMA: 1/2

LIVIN’ LA BIDA LOZADA

WHILE I TEND TO believe that Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada Jr. could in fact be telling the truth, I do not consider myself as a fan. For all we know, he’s made millions for himself as consultant for other onerous government projects or transactions. But that’s another story.

This morning, former President Corazon Aquino with the Ateneo and the De La Salle communities hosted a thanksgiving mass for Lozada.

This post was inspired by the outpouring of support for the man who would have approved the ZTE NBN deal anyway if brokers agreed to a 65 million dollar-kickback ONLY instead of a staggering 130 million dollars.


Top 5 Rumored Plans of an Unidentified Anti-Arroyo Cult to Show Its Undying Support for the Beleaguered Jun Lozada

5: Organize the “Jun Lozada Friendly Games” between the De La Salle Green Archers and the Ateneo Blue Eagles. Performing at half-time will be the 2007 UAAP Cheerdance Champs: The UP Pep Squad!

4: Seek the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines’ support for the “2 o’clock AM” habit – a daily pre-dawn prayer to commemorate Lozada’s 2am press conference at La Salle Greenhills.

3: Ask the La Salle Brothers to erect a statue of Lozada at the gates of La Salle Greenhills.

2: Citing his popularity, launch a signature campaign to persuade him to run for president in 2010.

And the No. 1 rumored plan of an Anti-Arroyo cult to show its undying support for the beleaguered Jun Lozada…

1: Submit to the Vatican an initiative for his beatification. The shepherd of the Australian goats will then be known as Blessed Jun Lozada.

Have a productive week!

“TAMA NA, SOBRA NA…”

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The Makati City Rally

Some 10,000 protesters gathered in Makati City Friday to demand the resignation of President Arroyo. The protesters echoed the slogan “Tama na, sobra na, kilos na.” During the Marcos years, it was “Tama na, sobra na, palitan na.” Asked why they didn’t use “palitan na” this time, organizers had the same answer: Noli De Castro.

The Makati City Rally II

Makati City Hall employees were the luckiest people yesterday. It was pay day, ’twas a special non-working day (for them), and chances are, they got “extra” pay for joining the rally.

JDV III and the Makati City Rally

At the same rally, Joey De Venecia spoke to the crowd and said, “You, thieves, get out of Malacañang!” Apparently, the young De Venecia would like to get even because Malacañang was instrumental in ousting the chief of thieves at the House of Representatives a couple of weeks back.

JDV III and the Makati Rally II

Speaking before thousands of anti-GMA protesters in Makati City, Joey De Venecia, son of Jose De Venecia III and losing bidder in the National Broadband Network project revealed that it was his “calling to serve the country and the Filipino masses.” Overheard from a small group of rallyists: “Tang-in* naman, gaguhan na yata ito eh. Uwi na lang kaya tayo?!”

Plot Versus GMA

The Philippine National Police bared an assassination plot against President Arroyo by the terrorist group Jemaah Islamiyah. Kayo naman oo, nananahimik ‘yong mga tao, dinadamay n’yo pa.

Plot Versus GMA II

President Arroyo will attend the annual fiesta celebration in Binalonan, Pangasinan today despite the reported assassination plot of Abu Sayyaf and Jemaah Islamiyah extremists. After all, no Islamic terrorist in his right mind would travel from Basilan to Binalonan just to kill her. (Kapagod ang biyahe huh!)

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Plot Versus GMA II

Following reports of an assassination plot against her, President Arroyo was seen wearing a St. Benedict’s medallion, believed to protect the wearer from danger. That explains why the First Gentleman never had the chance to come near her.

Neri and the Opposition

Former Socioeconomic Planning Secretary Romulo Neri has confirmed his secret December 2007 meeting with opposition senators Jamby Madrigal and Panfilo Lacson. Asked why he chose to talk to Jamby and Ping, Neri allegedly replied, “Among our senators, I find them to be the most gender sensitive.”

null Corny Corner

Jamby: I’ll sue you for obstruction of justice!
GMA (a la Lolit Solis): So sue me!
Jamby: Huwag na nga lang. Hindi kita type!

ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND!

POLITICS & LOVE

Top 10 Valentine’s Day Messages

10 To: Jamby
From: Pia Cayetano

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I bet you enjoy “flowers”
More than Neri & John O do

9 To: Jose De Venecia
From: Your former allies in Congress

With heavy hearts we made it happen
The Speakership was declared open
The hell we care if we’re a bunch of dork
Between him and GMA?!
Our choice is… pork!

8 To: Joey DV III
From: Joe DV Jr.

You made Daddy so proud
When you stood up for truth
So just keep doin’ what is right
And stay away from jutes!

7 To: President Arroyo
From: Noli De Castro

My Valentine’s Day wish for you madam:
Two more productive years in Malacañang
I think we’re headed in the right direction
So why the need for a snap election?

6 To: Jun Lozada
From: Ben Abalos

Roses are red
Golf courses are green
If you go near Wack Wack
Patay ka sa akin!

5 To: Romy Neri
From: Jun Lozada

Forgive me oh dear friend if I testified
Believe me, I’m so afraid that’s why I cried
But no matter what, even if I’ve died
You’ll always be a part of my short, so-called life. (Awwr!)

4 To: Joker
From: Jun Lozada

You pictured me as if
i’m the god of strife
You seem to know me well
but do you know your wife?

3 To: Jun Lozada
From: Mike Defensor

In my dreams, you were blue and you were so alone
So I opted to cheer you up by planning a presscon
But woe is me! I’m baffled you sided with the nuns
In spite of my best efforts, despite the 50 grand!

2 To: Jun Lozada
From: Miriam

How do I loathe thee?
Let me count the goats.

And the number 1 Valentine’s Day message…

To: Mike
From: Gloria

This Valentine’s Day I got a special gift
It is from Powerbooks’ bestsellers list
Together on V-Day, we’ll stay home and just read
This new book that’s titled: “How To Moderate Your Greed”

Have a romantic Hearts Day everyone!

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