(ISANG) ORDER OF LAPU-LAPU

17 04 2017

000EzraAcayan.jpg
CONGRATULATIONS to President Duterte for topping the TIME readers’ poll of the “most influential” people in the world this year. The magazine was quick to clarify however, those who voted for Duterte were not actually TIME readers but TIME bashers. Still, congratulations!

Kris
Congratulations also to Kris Aquino for landing an acting project in Hollywood. Unconfirmed reports say she is set to do the remake of the hit comedy from the year 2000 starring Ashton Kutcher and Seann William Scott. The movie’s working title is “Dude, Where’s My Career?”

Order of Lapu-Lapu
President Duterte recently announced the creation of the Order of Lapu-Lapu, an award for anyone who will render “invaluable or extraordinary service to a campaign or advocacy of the President.” In short, ‘asslickers.’

Order of Lapu-Lapu II
When asked why he decided to name the award ‘Order of Lapu-Lapu,’ President Duterte said, “Masyadong susyal kung ‘Order of Stonefish.’”

1Fntnyl000EO1
Distrust
Vice President Leni Robredo recorded the highest distrust rating among the top national officials, the latest Pulse Asia survey showed. In totally unrelated news, Malacañang will confer the Order of Lapu-Lapu on Mocha Uson and Duterte’s keyboard warriors.

Distrust II
According to the latest Pulse Asia survey, the number of Filipinos who distrust Vice President Leni Robredo is higher than those who distrust self-confessed two-timer, death penalty advocate and traditional politician Pantaleon Alvarez. Meanwhile, another Pulse Asia survey revealed Leni Robredo has the worst PR team.

Protest Fee
Less than 24 hours after the Supreme Court ordered Bongbong Marcos to pay the election protest fee of 66.2-million pesos (either in full or installment basis), the defeated vice presidential candidate immediately paid 36 million pesos. In the words of Imelda Marcos, “Maliit na bagay.”

000EO1
Junket
Duterte fanatic and sex blogger Mocha Uson as well as controversial ex-jueteng bagman, and defeated senatorial candidate Sandra Cam joined President Duterte in his recent visit to the Middle East. The delegation has returned the other day. Uson and Cam can’t wait for the next junket with the President. Let’s hope the universe cooperates and those two get booked on a United Airlines flight.
______________________________________________________________________________________
“I get so tired listening to ‘One million dollars here; one million dollars there.’ It’s so petty.”
~Imelda Marcos

Sound Bites
“Indeed Filipinos find in the President a kindred spirit – a leader who acts for the common good,
~Palace spokesman Ernesto Abella on Duterte’s topping the TIME online poll

“Well, I don’t need to tell you what I did because I’m not that kind of person.”
~Sandra Cam when asked how was she helping the OFWs

#DontUs

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Ezra Acayan/Reuters :Duterte]

Advertisements




EXCLUSIVE: DUTERTE’S LENTEN MESSAGE

9 04 2017

1lent2

Mensahe
ng
Kagalang-galang Rodrigo R. Duterte
Pangulo ng Pilipinas
Sa sambayanang Pilipino
Ukol sa Mahal na Araw
[Ika-9 ng Abril 2017]

Ngayong panahon ng Kuwaresma, p*tang i*a, ang init! Namawis man ang kilikili ko. Pasensya na. Bakit? Sino ba sa inyo ang hindi nainitan? Lakasan mo nga ang aircon.

Ituloy ko na ang statement ko. Ngayong panahon ng Kuwaresma, ginugunita natin ang buhay at pagpapakasakit ni Hesukristo. Ikaw ba naman ang hampasin at ipako, siyempre, masaktan ka talaga.

Bilang mga tagasunod ni Hesus, nararapat lamang na gamitin nating inspirasyon ang kanyang buhay. Madami ding followers itong si Hesus, ‘no? Siguro, kung nag-Facebook man siya noon, trinding siya lagi. Kabahan man si Muka.

Bilang isang bansa, marami na tayong napatunayan sa landas ng pagkakaisa, pagkakawanggawa, at pagmamalasakit sa kapwa. Sino bang sumulat ng statement na ito? Ang haba man ng words. Laktawan ko na ang iba.

Marami na akong nabigyan ng trabaho. ‘Yung mga walang ginagawang artista, nailagay ko na sa pwisto sa gobyerno. Tuwang-tuwa ang mga gago. Wala namang civil service eligibility, yawa!

At dahil ayaw natin sa kurapsyon, marami na rin akong sinibak. Tapos sasabihin ng mga gagong media, “Eh sino bang nag-appoint – ‘di ba ikaw din?” Putang ina! Siyempre ako. Ako ang prisidinti eh. Eh ‘di ako. ‘Tang ina n’yo, gago!

Ituloy ko na ang statement ko.

Si Hudas ay nagtaksil kay Hesus. Gago! Parang ‘yung isa d’yan. Nagpunta pa sa UN para magsumbong. Ulol! Eh ‘di magsumbong ka! Alis na lang tayo sa UN. Ikaw na lang mag-isa ang mag-miyimbro – ‘tang ina.

Si Hesus ay inaresto at iniharap kay Pilato. Sabi sa Bible, trial daw. Gago! Walang trial, trial dun. Tinanong lang ni Pilato ang taumbayan, tapos, sentensyado na. Death penalty agad. Kaya sa mga ayaw sa death penalty, tama si Manny, nasa Bible ‘yun.

Matapos ipako at mamatay sa krus si Hesus, umiyak ang kanyang inang si Maria at iba pang kamag-anak. ‘Kita n’yo na? Nanahimik man sila kahit pinatay ang relative nila. Dito, isisi man lahat sa akin ng media. Gago! Wala ngang reklamo ang kamag-anak, tapos kayong media nagrereklamo ng EJK, EJK. ‘Tang ina n’yo. EJK n’yo mukha n’yo. Ulol!

Sino bang sumulat ng statement na ito? Masyadong mahaba. Ayaw ko nang ituloy.

Basta ngayong Holy Week, tuloy ang laban sa druga. Huwag kayong maniwala sa tsismis na kaya lumilindul eh galit sa akin ang Panginoon. Ulol! Gusto ng Diyos na patayin ang mga adik at pusher kaya lumilindul.

Ako ang paniwalaan n’yo. Huwag ang media. Tang ina nila. Hangga’t buhay ako, puprotektahan ko kayo sa adik at pusher. Isama na rin ninyo ang lindul. Ipa-tokhang ko man ang lindul.

‘Tang ina.

-END-

1lent
THE CHRISTIAN tradition of Lent culminates this Holy Week. It’s the season of betrayal, abandonment, pain and suffering. Or as that’s also called, “the past eight months.”

Many Christians have given up something for Lent: junk food, smoking, infidelity, alcohol, etc. You know, the bad things. In fact, many thinking Filipinos are ‘giving up’ this administration.

In different parts of the country, expect to see senakulo – a play depicting the life and sufferings of Jesus. Manny Pacquiao and our congressmen will surely enjoy that moment when Jesus is sentenced to death.

President Duterte is invited to attend the senakulo organized by PNP Chief Bato De La Rosa. In the modern version of the play, Jesus suffered, and was later, killed inside Camp Crame.

1lent2
Also in that play, relatives of ‘Jesus’ easily identified his lifeless body. There was a cardboard sign that reads, “Nagmamagaling ako. Huwag tularan.”

On Facebook, a furious Mocha Uson lambasted the organizers of a senakulo for rejecting her during the auditions. Apparently, she wanted to play the role of the Virgin – her lifelong dream.

To fulfill her dream, Mocha Uson and her Ka-DDS friends, Jimmy Bondoc, Arnell Ignacio, Kat De Castro and Vivian Velez produced their own stage play. In their version of the senakulo, the fanatics crucified Leni Robredo.
——————————————————————————————————————————————
“All spiritual practices are illusions created by illusionists to escape illusion.”
~Ram Dass

Sound Bites
“You know, you’re just a f—ing employee, why don’t you have a heart for the poor? You know you are so young and you’re already bought by the greed and selfishness. I don’t like it.”
~DENR Sec. Gina Lopez to BusinessWorld reporter Janina Lim

Have a safe week! Enjoy your vacation!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Inquirer.net]





SHAIMFUL*

3 04 2017

1Crowd
THERE WAS a gathering of Duterte fanatics led by Mocha Uson, Jimmy Bondoc, Kat De Castro, Vivian Velez and erstwhile Janet Napoles lawyer Bruce Rivera in Luneta last April 2. The group called for the ouster of Vice President Leni Robredo. According to the NCR Police Office, the rally attracted only 3,500 Ka-DDS – prompting a local sanitary inspector to drop by the venue after receiving reports the rally was “nilalangaw.”

3,500
#PalitBise organizers Mocha Uson, Jimmy Bondoc, Arnell Ignacio, Vivian Velez and Bruce Rivera could only mobilize 3,500 of their fellow Ka-DDS for Sunday’s rally in Luneta. To give you some perspective, the number of EJK victims was even larger.

Online Appeal
Organizers appealed to their fellow Ka-DDS online to join the Luneta rally on Sunday. “Thousands” were not able to show up though because, you know, computers cannot attend rallies.

1DuterteShaming
Shame
Jimmy Bondoc called on Vice President Leni Robredo to “stop shaiming” President Duterte. He also appealed to the international media to “stop maligning” the President. He then insisted, “Dead bodies are only on the TV screens.” When President Duterte heard these statements, he asked Bondoc, “Binigyan na kita ng puwesto ‘di ba? Ano pa bang gusto mo?”

Lectures
Some 3,500 Ka-DDS members including Mocha Uson, Jimmy Bondoc, Kat De Castro, Arnell Ignacio, Vivian Velez, and former Napoles lawyer Bruce Rivera attended the #PalitBise rally in Luneta. In fiery speeches, organizers lectured critics on how to treat the President “fairly.” In response, critics lectured the organizers on how to spell ‘shaiming’ correctly.

#PalitBise
Organizer Jimmy Bondoc said he created the hashtag #PalitBise for the rally. And the hashtags #PalitCareer and #HindiBusy for the organizers.

Untitled
Top 5 Movie Remakes Inspired by the #PalitBise Rally of Duterte Fanatics Led By Mocha Uson, Jimmy Bondoc, Vivian Velez, Arnell Ignacio and Kat De Castro in Luneta

No. 5: La La Ngaw Land

No. 4: Hinakot Ka Ngunit Kulang

No. 3: Pagputi ng Uwak, Pag-itim ng Balak

No. 2: The Fault in Our Starlets

And the No. 1 movie remake inspired by the #PalitBise rally in Luneta:

Fanatic Beasts and Where to Find Them
___________________________________________________________________________________
“Fanatics are like debris following the course of the wind, they are swept around like sand, and convinced to believe in what they do not understand.”
~Michael Bassey Johnson

Sound Bites
“We’re all hypocrites here. Pati si Speaker. Ba’t matanong ilan ang babae? Lahat kami dito wala nang ranggo kapag ganu’n! Sino bang walang kaligayahan?”
~President Duterte defending House Speaker Alvarez’s extramarital affair

Birds of a feather…

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Shared on Twitter by netizens]





TONE DOWN

22 03 2017

TOURISM SECRETARY Wanda Tulfo-Teo urged Vice President Leni Robredo and the media to “tone down” statements and reports on extrajudicial killings to boost tourism in the country.

How do reporters tone it down? Here are some tips.

First, the statistics. Iwasang banggitin ang salitang libu-libo. Kung umabot na sa 8,000 ang napapatay, umisip ng alternatibong paraan upang mailahad ang estadistika. Halimbawa, sa halip na sabihing “walong libo,” gamitin ang “20 raised to the third power.” Pero kung pabor naman ang figures sa gobyerno, gawin itong eksaherado. Dapat ganito:

Reporter:
Ayon sa pag-aaral na ginawa ng ilang human rights groups, umabot na sa 20 raised to the third power ang bilang ng mga napapatay na Filipino mula nang ilunsad ng administrasyong Duterte ang war on drugs. Samantala, iniulat naman ng PNP na ang crime rate sa nakaraang anim na buwan ay bumaba ng cube root of 2,197 percent.

Second, the crime scene. Huwag gawing detalyado ang paglalarawan sa naganap na pagpatay. Hangga’t maaari, huwag babanggitin ang lugar kung saan ito naganap. Iwasan din ang paggamit ng mga salitang dugo, baril, karumal-dumal, patay, at biktima. Dapat ganito:

Reporter:
Isang kagawad ng barangay ang nabuwal, nawalan ng malay at hindi na gumising pa matapos matalsikan ng anim na pirasong metal sa iba’t ibang bahagi ng kanyang katawan. Ang anim na metal ay mula sa itim na bagay na hawak ng dalawang lalaking napadaan sakay ng kalilinis pa lamang nilang motorbike. Naka-helmet ang dalawang lalaki bilang pagsunod sa ordinansa ng lungsod. Ang insidenteng hindi naman dapat gawin pang big deal ay naganap d’yan lang.

Third, managing grief. Ito ang pinakaimportante sa lahat. Tiyaking hindi lalabas na kaawa-awa ang mga kamag-anak ng biktima. Kung kailangang walang maramdamang emosyon sa ulat, mas mabuti. Dapat ganito:

Reporter:
Nang makita ng kanyang misis ang lalaking ‘di na nagising, ngumiti ito, tumingin sa langit, at nagpasalamat. Ayon sa ginang, “Panginoon, ikaw naman talaga ang may kagustuhan nito. Sino po ba ako para magreklamo? Tinatanggap ko ang pagkawala ng aking mister. Maraming salamat sa maigsing panahong siya ay aking nakasama. Love love love you beh saan ka man naroroon.”

Kung emosyonal man ang mga kamag-anak, siguraduhing pabor sa gobyerno ang kanilang sasabihin. Dapat ganito:

Reporter:
Nagdiwang ang mga kamag-anak ng kagawad nang malamang ‘di na ito nagising matapos tamaan ng anim na piraso ng metal sa iba’t ibang bahagi ng katawan. Ayon sa ‘di nagpakilalang tiyuhin nito, “Blessing ang nangyaring ito dahil matagal na namin siyang pasanin. Tiyak na magiging payapa at maunlad ang lugar namin dahil dudumugin ito ng mga negosyante. Mabuhay ka Tatay Digong!”

Lastly, the cops. Sila ang nasa forefront ng kampanya laban sa droga, dapat sila ang laging bida. Dapat ganito:

Reporter:
Bilang pakikisama sa magigiting na pulis na sumalakay sa isang squatters area, anim na hinihinalang tulak ng droga at limang hinihinalang drug addict ang naki-cooperate sa raiding team. Taos-puso silang humanay upang hindi na mahirapan pa ang mga awtoridad. Sa madaling salita, boluntaryo ang pagkamatay nila. Dinala na ang kanilang mga bangkay sa ‘di pinangalanang punerarya upang agarang ma-cremate.  

Sample Tabloid Story
KASAMA na ngayon ni Papa Jesus ang isang hinihinalang pusher matapos na boluntaryong magpatama ng hindi bababa sa sampung piraso ng metal sa kanyang katawan.

May ngiti pa sa mga labi ni Bongbong Calida habang yakap ng kanyang misis na malaki ang pasasalamat sa mga pulis dahil sa nangyari.

“Naniniwala po ako sa afterlife at alam kong hihintayin niya ako doon kaya hindi ako dapat malungkot,” paliwanag ng ginang.

Ang limang taong gulang na anak ni Calida ay nahagip din ng metal sa kanang braso. Ngunit nagpakita ng tapang ang bata matapos sabihan ng lider ng raiding team, “Nene, ‘wag kang umiyak o matakot. Parang kagat lang ng langgam ‘yan.”

Mula nang ilunsad ng administrasyong Duterte ang ‘war on drugs,’ dalawa lamang sa halos tatlong daang miyembro ng dalawang kapulungan ng Kongreso ang nagsalita laban dito. Ibig sabihin, mayorya ng mga senador at kongresista ay naniniwalang malapit na ngang maging next Singapore ang Pilipinas.

At press time, 20 raised to the third power na ang boluntaryong tumawid sa kabilang buhay upang makasama si Papa Jesus. #

Note:
Simula next year, ang short course na ito on alternative reporting ay opisyal nang isasama sa curriculum sa mga state colleges and universities sa bansa at tatawaging ‘Teology 101.’
———————————————————————————————————————————————
“Don’t blame the messenger because the message is unpleasant.”
~Ken Starr

Sound Bites
“’Yung mga statements na ganoon, nahihirapan kaming i-sell ang Philippines so I hope we could kung puwede even… this does not only refer to VP Leni but also to the media to please medyo i-tone down natin yung [reports] on extrajudicial killings.”
~Tourism Sec. Wanda Tulfo-Teo

Elsewhere
The New York Times:
“Violence in the house, violence in the school and violence in the neighborhood. That is why he is always angry. Because if you have pain when you are young, you are angry all the time.”

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

(Photos: EJK: Reuters; Wanda Teo: GMA Network)





MADAM SECRETARY & DEATH PENALTY

9 03 2017

  1. TAKE our latest news quiz slash survey. This time, there will be no wrong answers. You just have to read. Enjoy!

1: Galit na galit ang mga opisyal ng Malacañan nang mapanood ang teaser ng latest episode ng US TV series na ‘Madam Secretary.’ Ipinakita kasi rito ang panghihipo ng isang fictional Philippine president sa babaeng US Secretary of State. Bakit napikon nang todo ang mga taga-palasyo?
A: Ang pamagat kasi ng episode ay “President First (Dapat una si presidente)”
B: Sarcastic daw ang show dahil ang gumanap na presidente ay walang pores.
C: Ang CBS kung saan ipinapalabas ang ‘Madam Secretary’ ay “bias” at “dilawan.”
D: Mas katanggap-tanggap daw kasing maakusahang murderer kaysa manyak.

2: Sa teaser ng US TV series na ‘Madam Secretary,’ ipinakita ang pagsuntok ng bidang babae sa fictional Philippine president dahil sa panghihipo nito. Galit na galit ngayon ang palasyo at ang mga ka-DDS. Kung sa totoong buhay nangyari ang panghihipo, ano ang magiging reaksyon nila?
A: “Pilyo lang talaga si Tatay Digong. Wala siyang masamang intensyon.”
B: “Presidente ‘yan ‘no! Choosy ka pa girl? #PahipoGoals”
C: “Sinungaling ‘yan! ‘Di naman kagandahan, bakit ka hihipuan?!”

3: Kung may susuntukin pang fictional Filipino government official sa nasabi ring palabas, sino ang gusto mong isunod?
A: Manny Pacquiao
B: Vitaliano Aguirre
C: Martin Andanar
D: Bato De La Rosa
E. Alan Peter Cayetano
F: Honorable MTRCB Board Member Mocha Uson
G: “Bias” ang tanong na ito. Ang daming choices. Pagsabay-sabayin na lang mga ‘yan!

4: Noong Lunes, nilektyuran ni Manny Pacquiao ang self-confessed Davao Death Squad henchman na si retired police officer Arturo Lascañas tungkol sa “spiritual renewal.” Ayon kay Pacquiao, ang tao ay “spiritually renewed” kung:
A: Hindi na nakikiapid sa mga sexy celebrities
B: Hindi na nagsusugal sa casino
C: Hindi na nandadaya sa pagbabayad ng buwis
D: Quote nang quote ng Bible verses habang ipinagtatanggol ang death penalty at ipinagdidiinang ang lifestyle ng LGBT community ay mas masahol pa kaysa sa hayop.

5: Matapos mabistong nagsinungaling sa isyu ng US citizenship, ibinasura ng Commission on Appointments ang pagkakatalaga kay Perfecto Yasay bilang Foreign Affairs Secretary. Ano ang naging reaksyon ni Yasay?
A: “Bahagi ito ng destabilization plot laban kay Pangulong Duterte.”
B. “Kagagawan ito ng mga Amerikano dahil alam nilang mas close ako sa mga Chinese!”
C: “O ano Alan Peter Cayetano, masaya ka na?”

6: Nabasura ang appointment ni Perfecto Yasay. Sabi ng palasyo, papalitan na lang ito. Nabisto kasi ang kanyang PAGSISINUNGALING. Tanong:
A: Bakit nand’yan pa si Vitaliano Aguirre?
B: Anong ginagawa ni Mocha Uson sa MTRCB?
C: Hanggang kailan sa puwesto si Martin “$1,000” Andanar?


7: Matapos mangakong paninindigan niya ang kanyang anti-death penalty stance, biglang bumaligtad ang LGBT rights advocate at kinatawan ng Bataan na si Geraldine Roman. Bumoto ito pabor sa bill. Binabatikos tuloy siya ngayon ng mga netizens. Ano ba ang naging paliwanag niya?
A: “Kebs sa mga bashers! Mas feel ko na ngayong tsugiin ang mga criminals!”
B: “Imbey ako sa reporter na ‘yan ng PTV 4. Sa truth lang, I was misquoted last year. ‘Buti na lang walang nanonood sa kanila.”
C: “Pag nag-vote ako ng NO sa bill, wit ako gibsung ni House Speaker Alvarez ng datung. Waley akong boodjei para sa mga utaw sa probinsya. Baka Hindira Gandhi ako mare-reelect sa 2019. Afraidy aguilar!”

8: Sa Kamara, 216 ang bumoto pabor sa death penalty bill, at 54 lamang ang tumutol. Bakit?
A: Kasi nga, wala sa listahan ng heinous crimes ang plunder. Ibalik n’yo ang plunder, tiyak na tututulan ng mga ‘yan ang bitay.
B: Change had come: mula sa pagiging buwaya, naging tuta naman sila noong botohan.
C: Dahil sa totoo lang, mahihirap lang naman ang tiyak na mabibitay; ‘yong mga milyonaryo sa Kongreso, ligtas na ligtas ang mga ‘yan.

9: Ang LGBT rights advocate na si Geraldine Roman, pinaboran ang death penalty bill. Pero si dating First Lady Imelda Marcos, bumoto laban dito. Ano ang masasabi mo?
A: Buhay pa pala si Imelda?!?
B: Ilang taon na ba ‘yan, 200?!
C: Masamang damo, matagal mamatay.

10: Nagrereklamo si Dante Jimenez ng Volunteers Against Crime Corruption. Hindi raw dapat sa PNP Custodial Center sa Camp Crame na-detain si Sen. Leila De Lima kundi sa ordinaryong kulungan. Unfair daw ito. Ano ang definition ng “fair” para kay Jimenez?
A: Ang pagbibigay ng immunity at special privileges sa high-profile convicted drug lords na tumestigo laban kay De Lima
B: Ang espesyal na kulungan para sa mga akusadong plunderer na sina Bong Revilla at Jinggoy Estrada
C: Extrajudicial killing – kasi “Justice delayed is justice denied” kaya mas ok ‘yung patayin na agad ang mahihirap na ‘yan. Wala nang trial-trial pa! ‘Yan ang fair.

11: Inutusan ni Mocha Uson ang kanyang mga alagad na zombies at trolls na i-invade ang Twitter. Pero mukhang bigo silang makapaghasik ng lagim sa Twitterverse dahil:
A: Mas witty ang mga tao doon kaysa sa Facebook.
B: May automatic block button sa Twitter.
C: Hindi sila maka-express ng complete thought dahil sa Twitter, 140 characters or less lang ang allowed.

12: Earlier this week, nag-trend ang “Bernard Palanca” sa Twitter. Bakit?
A: Nagkaroon siya ng “spiritual renewal”
B: Inakusahan siya ng pananakal
C: Nakipag-duet siya ng ‘Flashlight’ kay Jessie J.
________________________________________________________________________________
“Since governments take the right of death over their people, it is not astonishing if the people should sometimes take the right of death over governments.”
~Guy de Maupassant

Sound Bites
“I need not do that. Hindi na kailangan. I will not create a DDS, may police department ako.”
~President Duterte on his alleged ties with the so-called Davao Death Squad (DDS)


“Tell your brother, he killed a mountain.”
~DENR Sec. Gina Lopez to Cong. Ronnie Zamora during her confirmation hearing. 3/8/2017

That’s how you celebrate International Women’s Day!

[Photos: CBS Corp; Yasay: Geremy Pintolo/PhilStar; Roman: Jervis Manahan; Gina Lopez: Grig Montegrande/Inquirer]





BORED MEMBER: RATED SPG

21 02 2017

STARLET MOCHA USON has threatened to resign from the board of the MTRCB. On Facebook, the former sex blogger and adult performer slammed fellow board members for rejecting “change” in the agency. She also ranted against alleged lewd scenes in two ABS-CBN programs. Uson said, “Nakalulusot din ang mga malalaswang eksena na ipinagmamalaki pa ng mga TV network. Kung ayaw nila sa pagbabagong ito dahil sa may mga taong ayaw ng pagbabago, magre-resign po tayo.”

The other day, we caught up with the Queen of Duterte Trolls and Fanatics, and we’re sharing with you the transcript of our brief conversation with her. Ang susunod na panayam ay Rated SPG: Istriktong Patnubay at Gabay ng magulang ang kailangan. Maaaring may maselang tema, lenggwahe, karahasan, SEKSWAL, horror at droga na hindi angkop sa mga bata.

MOCHA, kumusta ka na?

Ok lang naman. Ano po ba ang kailangan n’yo? Medyo busy po tayo sa pagsisilbi sa bayan eh.

Grabe naman. Nakakaisang tanong pa lang ako! Presidente ka?!?

Hindi naman sa ganun. Busy lang talaga. Ano na pong tanong?

Ang dami kasing naninibago sa ‘yo. Ikaw na raw yata ang biggest change in the world sa past 10 years.

Kailangan na po talaga kasi natin ng tunay na pagbabago. At naniniwala akong dapat itong simulan sa ating mga sarili.

Gusto ko lang balikan ang ilan mong tweets. Ipaliwanag mo na rin. Unahin na natin ang isang ito.

mochabukaka

Kapag stressed ba, bumubukaka ka pa rin?

Hindi po ako magpapaka-ipokrito. Nami-miss ko rin naman ang pagbukaka lalo na ngayong mga panahong ito na super stressed ako. Pero mas importante na sa akin ngayon ang kapakanan ng ating bayan at ni Tatay Digong. So, hangga’t makakaya ko, pinipigilan ko.

Ano nang ginagawa mo kapag nai-stress ka?

Gumagawa na lang ako ng video para sa Facebook ko. Nagsusumbong ako sa followers ko at naglalabas ng sama ng loob sa kanila.

Ang dami mo pa ring naloloko ‘no?

Ano pong sabi n’yo?

Sabi ko, ang daming lokong-loko sa ganda mo.

Hindi naman po sa ganun. Mahal lang talaga ako ng mga Ka-DDS kaya kahit anong sabihin ko, paniwalang-paniwala sila. Bakit ka pa bubukaka kung marami namang napapaniwala?

May point ka. Punta na tayo sa iyong next tweet.

mochaundie

Ngayong nasa gobyerno ka na, isusulong mo pa rin ba ang National No Underwear Day?

Naku, mahirap po yata ‘yan lalo na kung kasama mo sa kuwarto si Tatay Digong. Medyo awkward na.

In short, change. Nagbago na rin ang isip mo, tama?

Tama po. Mas importante na si Pangulong Duterte kesa sa maaliwalas na pu**.

Ang bastos mo naman!

Pasensya na po. Nabigla lang. ‘Tsaka medyo na-miss ko ang ganung lenggwahe. Hihihi

Malibog ka ba?

Grabe s’ya! Baka nakakalimutan mo po, MTRCB board member na ako. Konting respeto naman.

May masama ba sa tanong ko?

Hindi po dapat ginagamit ang ganyang word kasi hindi ‘yan pambata. Baka may mga minor na nagbabasa ng interview na ito, nakakahiya.

Nahiya ka ba nang i-tweet mo ito?

mochalibog

May tanong pa ba kayo? Nagmamadali ako eh.

Galit na galit ka raw sa dalawang shows ng ABSCBN dahil may ipinapakitang kalaswaan?

Totoo po ‘yon. Ang ipinagtataka ko lang, bakit pumayag ang MTRCB na ipakita ang kalaswaang ‘yun? Inaabuso ng TV network na ‘yan ang SPG rating. Sa akin kasi, hindi dapat tinu-tolerate ang kababuyan sa telebisyon! WALANG LUGAR SA LIPUNAN ANG KALASWAAN!

Mabuhay ka Ka-DDS! Punung-puno ka talaga ng wisdom. ‘Note to self’ ba itong tweet mong ‘to?

mochanagmamalinis

Ayaw ko na pong patulan ‘yan. Sige po, aalis na ako.

Huling tanong na lang: Malaswa ba ang larawang ito?

mochaduterte

Wala pong malaswa sa picture na ‘yan. Ang nakikita ko lang d’yan ay mukha ng tunay na pagbabago. Mabuhay ka Tatay Digong. Salamat po.

Wait! Super last na talaga. Sagutin mo na lang ang sarili mong tanong sa Twitter:

mochadoggie

Ay grabe. Slut-shaming.

Anong slut-shaming? Huwag mong idamay ang mga slut! Nananahimik sila!

Ayoko pong sagutin. Masyadong malaswa. Walang lugar ang kalaswaan sa ating lipunan. Bye.
————————————————————————————————————–
“The only thing worse than a liar is a liar that’s also a hypocrite!”
~Tennessee Williams

Sound Bites
“Ikaw naman. Nalaman ko, hindi ka um-attend ng board meeting. At pag andun ka naman, hindi ka naman daw vocal sa mga concerns mo. Sumbong ka na lang nang sumbong sa taumbayan ng mga reklamo mo. I-translate mo yang mga reklamo mo sa pagkilos kung gusto mo talaga ng tunay na pagbabago. Ganun dapat.”
~Showbiz reporter/manager Ogie Diaz to Mocha Uson

#Burn

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: @MochaUson Tweets; Duterte: Grig Montegrandre/Inquirer.net]





SAVE THE QUEEN

18 02 2017

1napoles
ALLEGED pork barrel scam queen Janet Napoles is in the news again. You already know why. The other day, reporters went to the Correctional Institution for Women to interview her. They found Napoles at the mini-grocery store inside the prison compound. She was buying some important stuff that day: 1) Soap 2) Sanitary napkin 3) Solicitor General.

Solicitor General Jose Calida, the chief government lawyer has exerted efforts to acquit alleged pork barrel scam queen Janet Napoles. Before the multibillion-peso scam was uncovered, Napoles was quoted to have said, “We own the government.” That was before her prison term. Apparently though, she has reclaimed it.

Earlier this week, Jose Calida said alleged pork barrel scam queen Janet Napoles was “innocent and must be freed.” That’s Jose Calida, the chief government lawyer, our Sold Gen. Sorry, I mean, Sol Gen.

Lest we forget…
Reposting an excerpt from Krissy’s ‘interview’ with Janet Lim-Napoles in 2013 while the ‘queen’ was in hiding.

Krissy: Hi Ms Janet! We’ll play a rapid trivia game. Sasagot ka lang sa mga questions ko. Kung anong unang pumasok sa isip mo, ‘yun ang sabihin mo. Game Ka Na Ba?

Janet Napoles: Game na!

Let’s start! Ano ang G sa NGO?

Ghost!

Bongga! Kumpletuhin ang kasabihan: “Ang sinungaling ay kapatid ng… ”

Senador?

I’ll accept that! NEXT: Sino ang tatay ni Kiefer Ravena?

Bong!

Complete name please!

Bong Revilla! Ay, ano ba ‘yon? Sorry. Ravena pala!

Careful! NEXT: Kung ang beef ay galing sa baka, at ang venison ay galing sa usa, ang pork mo ay galing sa… ?

Buwaya!

I said PORK, Janet!

Kongresista!?!

PORK sabi eh!

Estrada? Ay, sorry Pareng Jinggoy. Nadulas lang.

Again, PORK. Last chance na!

Pulitika!

Time’s up! Nakakaloka ka! Hindi kita kinaya.

* * * * *

Hidden Wealth
According to Sen. Antonio Trillanes, President Duterte had as much as P2.4 billion in bank deposits which he failed to declare in his SALN. The President vows to resign if Trillanes could prove his claim. Last year, Duterte also promised to resign if he fails to solve the country’s drug problem in 3 to 6 months. Duterte’s children said Trillanes’s allegation was recycled. Just like their father’s promise to resign.

1interaksyon
Psych Test
President Duterte’s eldest son and Davao City Vice Mayor Paolo Duterte says Senator Trillanes should take a psychiatric test “as something is very very wrong with his mind.” Well, yeah. Because if there’s someone who should be familiar with nut cases, it has to be Rodrigo Duterte’s children.

Psych Test II
Paolo Duterte said Senator Trillanes must take take a psychiatric test “as something is very very wrong with his mind.” In response, Trillanes was like, “Hiyang-hiya naman ang sira ng ulo ko sa katinuan ng tatay mo!”

Charged
The Department of Justice has filed three cases against Sen. Leila de Lima, Ronnie Dayan and several others for alleged violation of the Comprehensive Dangerous Drugs Act. Good job Vitaliano Aguirre! Goodbye De Lima! Goodbye Dayan! Goodbye Immigration bribery scandal!

Cross Dressing
Expressing his opposition to the anti-discrimination bill during a Senate session, Manny Pacquiao said men should only dress as men and women should only dress as women. Then, he hurriedly left the building to catch a very long flight back to where he lives – the Dark Ages.

Death Penalty
Congressmen have removed plunder from the list of heinous crimes punishable with death. When asked why, the House Speaker said, “We can’t have empty session halls.”

zealandia
New Continent?
Scientists recently announced the discovery of Zealandia, a hidden continent attached to New Zealand. Almost entirely submerged in water, the huge landmass qualifies as a continent scientists say. When it heard the news, Pluto advised Zealandia to not ‘celebrate’ just yet, “Just look what they did to me! #stillhurting #cantmoveon”

Scientists discovered a hidden continent. But President Duterte is skeptic. He said he would resign if scientists could prove Zealandia was indeed a continent.
__________________________________________________________________________________
“No matter how many lies you use to disguise it or how many excuses you bury it beneath, the truth will never cease to be true.”
~Richelle E. Goodrich

Sound Bites
“’Yung propaganda value ni Duterte, willing siyang mag-open, pero kung titingnan ang statement niya, wala sa posisyon ang AMLC to determine net worth. Kung talagang wala kang tinatago, Mr. President, sign a waiver. Buksan mo ang transaction history ng accounts mo. Hindi kita tatantanan, Mr. President.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes

“Even in the Bible, we can read na ang babae, dapat magsuot na pambabae; at ang lalaki, magsuot ng panlalaki.”
~Manny Pacquiao

2017 na. ‘Wag tanga.

Elsewhere
Newsbreak:
Three lawyers who defended Janet Lim Napoles are staunch Duterte supporters. One of them is now a deputy commissioner of the Bureau of Internal Revenue.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Napoles: Philippine Star; Paolo Duterte: Interaksyon; Zealandia: Sci-News.Com]





HEARSAY

5 02 2017

1bato
PNP CHIEF Ronald ‘Bato’ De La Rosa is not going anywhere. Last week, the President declined Bato’s offer to resign (for the second time) following the murder of a South Korean businessman outside his official residence in Camp Crame. With the President’s backing no less, Bato is looking forward to more ‘tokhang’ operations, more drug raids, and more concerts.

Dress Down/Push-up
Seven Pampanga cops who were allegedly involved in the robbery-extortion of Korean nationals got a tongue-lashing from PNP Chief Bato De La Rosa. On that day, Bato was in a different element. He was incensed. He was yelling. He was cursing. There were cameras everywhere. He was also on cue.

After scolding the seven cops and making them do stationary push-ups, a fuming PNP Chief Bato De La Rosa told police officials, “Dapat hindi nangyari ‘yan kung hindi kayo nagpabaya sa tao n’yo. Napapahiya na tayo sa mga Koreano!” To which, Filipinos said, “Sa amin, hindi?!?”

In case you didn’t see the video, here’s the transcript of Bato’s outburst.

Bato & the Police Officials
Bato: Pinabayaan n’yo ang mga tauhan n’yo! Nasaan kayo nang mang-extort sila? Nasaan?!?

Police Official: Definitely, wala sa concert Sir.

Bato:

Police Official: Sinagot ko lang Sir ang tanong n’yo.

* * * * *

Bato & the Bad Cops
Bato: ‘Tang ina n’yo! Ang lakas ng loob n’yong manghablot ng Koreano.

Cop (murmurs): Kasi sabi ni Presidente, gawin naming lahat, protektado n’ya kami.

Bato: Pakiulit nga ang sinabi mo.

Cop: May sinabi ba ako Sir? Wala huh. Nananahimik ako.

* * * * *

Bato & the Bad Cops II
Bato: Sige, mag-push-up kayo. ‘Tang ina n’yo. Ang lalakas ng loob n’yo! Sinisira n’yo ang pangalan ng PNP. Nagpulis kayo para magsindikato?! Nagpulis kayo para

Cop: Sir, sandali.

Bato: Patapusin mo ako. ‘Tang ina! Nagpulis kayo para mapahiya ang ating uniform?!?

Cop: Eh Sir…

Bato: Hindi pa ako tapos! Gusto ko kayong i-firing squad! ‘Tang ina n’yo! (pause) O, may sinasabi ka?

Cop: ‘Yun na nga Sir! Wala pa ‘yong mga camera, wala pang media.

Bato: ‘Tang ina. Ba’t di mo agad sinabi?! Sige, uulitin ko na lang! Push up kayo. ‘Tang ina n’yo. Ang lalakas ng loob n’yo! Sinisira n’yo…

untitled
Hearsay
Vitaliano Aguirre apologized to Senators Kiko Pangilinan, Leila De Lima and Antonio Trillanes for accusing them of using the Jack Lam-Bureau of Immigration bribery scandal to pin him down. Aguirre admitted the information he gathered about the three senators was “hearsay.” Among many of his other statements.

Hearsay II
Quoting a Senior Police Officer 1 who spoke on condition of anonymity, Amnesty International (a worldwide human rights organization and Nobel Peace Prize Awardee) reported that cops were being paid from P8,000 to P15,000 per kill in Duterte’s war on drugs. Duterte’s ally Richard Gordon said it was “hearsay.” Apparently, Gordon forgot the report came from Amnesty International; NOT from Vitaliano Aguirre.

Mafia?
PNP Chief Ronald ‘Bato’ Del Rosa said they’re looking into the possible involvement of a “Korean mafia” in the abduction and murder of Korean businessman Jee Ick Joo saying there’s “competition within the Korean community.” And the Korean community was like, “Bes, may nahuli na. Palusot pa talaga?!?”

PNP Chief Ronald ‘Bato’ De La Rosa said they’re looking into the possible involvement of a “Korean mafia” in the abduction and murder of Jee Ick Joo. He can’t wait to scold the members of the mafia in front of TV cameras while making them do stationary push-ups.

Three policemen and four others who allegedly abducted and murdered Korean businessman Jee Ick Joo have been detained and charged. The other day though, General Bato said they’re looking into the involvement of “a Korean mafia.” Now, THAT’S hearsay.

“Lost Cause”
Vice President Leni Robredo says she’s got no time for trolls because they’re “a lost cause who have already made a judgment.” When Mocha Uson heard this, she said, “Mga Ka-DDS, ‘kita n’yo na ang katamaran ng bise presidenteng ‘yan? Sasagot lang sa trolls hindi pa magawa?!”

1baste
Baste
President Duterte scolded his youngest son, Baste for spending more time with starlet Ellen Adarna. It turned out Baste has another partner, model Kate Necesario, the mother of his son. The President told Baste, “Hindi ka na umuuwi, lagi kang naroon sa iba mong babae!” Duterte first heard those very same words from Elizabeth Zimmerman 20 years ago.
_______________________________________________________________________________
“Corrupt and incompetent police officers have a long history of being protected by their colleagues, police internal affairs and the government.”
~Steven Magee

Sound Bites
“Acting on instructions from the very top of government, the Philippines police have killed and paid others to kill thousands of alleged drug offenders in a wave of extrajudicial executions that may amount to crimes against humanity.”
~Amnesty International on Duterte’s war on drugs

Why are we not surprised?

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Bato: PNP PIO; Vitaliano Aguirre: ABSCBN News; Baste Duterte and Ellen Adarna: Brandphoria on IG]





PORN, ARNIS & OTHER STORIES

19 01 2017

1pacquiao
MANNY PACQUIAO defended his pro-death penalty stance by saying, “Even Jesus Christ nga nasentensyahan ng kamatayan dahil government talaga ang nag-impose ng kamatayan.” The statement has prompted surgeons all over the world to conclude that boxing is extremely dangerous to your mental health.

According to Manny Pacquiao, God gave our government the “right” to impose the death penalty.” Dear Manny Pacquiao, we don’t need a death penalty law. Every time you open your mouth on issues, we die.

Porn
The Philippine government has ordered Internet Service Providers to block public access to adult web sites. But Malacañang says those who are into the obscene and the vulgar may still watch the replay of last year’s Congressional hearing on Sen. Leila De Lima’s sex life.

The National Telecommunications Office confirms it has ordered all ISPs to block public access to porn sites. In totally unrelated news, President Duterte’s approval rating among males has dropped to an all-time low.


Zubiri vs. Trillanes
A heated exchange erupted between Miguel Zubiri and Antonio Trillanes on Tuesday at the Senate (See video). Trillanes said Zubiri cheated in the 2007 elections. Zubiri said Trillanes was charged with rebellion and treason. The two lawmakers almost came to blows but other senators intervened except for Manny Pacquiao who said, “Kung sina Cain at Abel nga na magkapatid, pinayagan ni God na mag-away, senador pa kaya?”

In case you missed it… Zubiri vs. Trillanes:
Trillanes: If you want to declare war, then you should be prepared to have war.

Zubiri: If you pick a fight with me, I’ll fight.

Trillanes: This representation will not back down.

Zubiri: I did not become world champion in arnis for nothing.

Trillanes: Umabot talaga dun?!? Literal na fight?!?

***

Trillanes: If you want to declare war, then you should be prepared to have war. This representation will not back down.

Zubiri: I did not become world champion in arnis for nothing. If you want to fight, tell me how you want to fight.

Trillanes: Kasasabi mo lang na ‘arnis’ ‘tapos ngayon ‘tell me how you want to fight.’ Labo mo huh!

***

Trillanes: If you want to declare war, then you should be prepared to have war. This representation will not back down.

Zubiri: Mabait akong tao and people know me. I am one of the most amiable senators of this chamber. But if you pick a fight with me, I’ll fight. I did not become world champion in arnis for nothing.

Trillanes: Ano ‘to slam book?!? Merong describe yourself?!? May sports and hobbies?!?

***

Trillanes: Eh ‘di ba nandaya ka noong 2007?

Zubiri: Sus! Ikaw nga nakasuhan ng rebellion!

Trillanes: Eh ‘di ba nag-resign ka nga noong 2011 dahil nabistong nandaya?

Zubiri: Sus! Ikaw nga nakasuhan ng treason!

Trillanes: Eh ‘di ba nga nachismis ka pang bakla noon?

Zubiri: Stick tayo sa isyu ng eleksyon. ‘Wag kang ano d’yan!

1andanar
“Misreporting”
A day after journalists quoted President Duterte as saying no one could stop him from declaring martial law “if I wanted to,” his communications chief, Martin Andanar blamed the media for ‘misreporting’ the statement. He also described the news reports as “the height of journalistic irresponsibility.” Even President Duterte was like, “OA na ang kasipsipan huh!”

Martin Andanar blamed the media for “misreporting” President Duterte’s latest remark on martial law. Andanar said the headlines “sow confusion to many.” Apparently, he hates competition. ‘Coz, you know, when it comes to sowing confusion, they’re the experts.

Trolls
Sen. Antonio Trillanes has urged the Senate committee on public information to investigate the so-called social media trolls amid the proliferation of fake news and false information online. Martin Andanar is on top of the list of invitees.

Link
After doing a review on social media, the Center for Media Freedom and Responsibility said there’s an “all too tight” connection between the alleged plot to oust the President and the president’s own communication team. Which, is not surprising since the members of the president’s own communication team includes Martin Andanar, Mocha Uson, Sass Sassot and Duterte’s cybertrolls.

1missuniverse
Miss U
Pre-pageant activities for this year’s Miss Universe contest are underway. The candidates have been travelling all over the country. Everyone is having a good time… except for Chavit Singson who is having a great time.
———————————————————————————————————————————
“In a society run by terror, no statements whatsoever can be taken seriously. They are all forced, and it is the duty of every honest man to ignore them.”
~ Milan Kundera

Sound Bites
“You cannot falsely accuse the profession of misreporting by peddling brazenly outrageous lies.”
~National Union of Journalists of the Philippines to Martin Andanar

Serves you right.

A GOOD READ:
How to defend our democracy
#5. Be calm when the unthinkable arrives.
When the terrorist attack comes, remember that all authoritarians at all times either await or plan such events in order to consolidate power. Think of the Reichstag fire. The sudden disaster that requires the end of the balance of power, the end of opposition parties, and so on, is the oldest trick in the Hitlerian book. Don’t fall for it.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Pacquiao: Associated Press; Senate Rumble: Philippine Star; Martin Andanar: GMANetwork.com; Miss Universe: @65thmissuniverse on IG]





GOSSIP

11 01 2017

1dphilstar
MALACAÑANG dismissed as false columnist Kit Tatad’s report, quoting an unnamed source, that President Duterte went to China recently for cancer treatment. This is one instance when you don’t know who to believe anymore – because when it comes to ridiculousness and absurd claims, Tatad and Duterte are on the same level.

No To Tsismis
In Binalonan, Pangasinan, villages are strictly implementing a policy against gossiping or rumor-mongering. They officially call it the Anti-Mocha Uson Ordinance.

Villages in Binalonan, Pangasinan are strictly implementing an anti-chismis policy. Violators will be fined. You’ve been warned, Kit Tatad.

Success!
Vice President Leni Robredo has denied any links to a reported plot to oust President Duterte. Online, Duterte diehards and Bongbong Marcos trolls used a hashtag to create the impression that Robredo was part of a conspiracy to unseat the President. To be fair, the online campaign was successful in vilifying Robredo. No wonder, the year has only just begun but trolls are already talking about a hefty mid-year bonus.

EXCLUSIVE: A screen capture of the newest “leak” that started circulating Tuesday, January 10, 2017.

1email

Obviously
Maritess Allen, described in news reports as a ‘feng shui expert’ predicts President Duterte will be hounded by health issues as well as misunderstandings, arguments, and quarrels this year. In response, 2017 was like, “That was so last year.”

Described in news reports as a ‘feng shui’ expert, Maritess Allen predicts President Duterte will be hounded by health issues as well as misunderstandings, arguments, and quarrels this year. Allen also predicts February will have 28 days and Good Friday will be a non-working holiday.

1mochaduts
Celeb Appointees
Sex blogger-turned-Duterte attack dog Mocha Uson and actor Cesar Montano took their oath before President Duterte in Malacañang on Monday. Uson and Montano are the latest celebrities who were given government posts for supporting Duterte in the last elections. Which begs the question, what reward awaits Vivian Velez and Elizabeth Oropesa?

Miss U
The Philippine National Police says there’s no direct threat to the upcoming Miss Universe pageant in the country. In other words, the beautiful candidates are not in danger. If you insist though, we can still talk about Chavit Singson some other time.

Golden Globes
The annual Golden Globe Awards took place Monday (Manila time) at the Beverly Hilton. Multi-awarded actress Meryl Streep received the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award. In her acceptance speech, Streep said, “Disrespect invites disrespect. Violence incites violence.” To which, Presidente Duterte replied, “Tang ina, inaano ba kita?”

Porn
When it comes to page visits to adult website PornHub, Filipinos are still No. 1 according to the latest data. When searching for women, 90 percent of Filipinos searched for ‘Maria Ozawa.’ The remaining 10 percent, believed to be congressmen, searched for ‘Leila De Lima.’

A furious Duterte and BBM troll who-must-not-be-named complained online that ABS-CBN News opted to report on Filipinos’ PornHub use but ignored Leni Robredo’s alleged involvement in a plot to oust Duterte. When asked why, ABS-CBN News answered: “Fact over fiction.”
——————————————————————————————————————————
“The suspicious mind conjures its own demons.”
~ Hanshiro Tsugomu

Sound Bites
“He is the secretary of DOJ, he should not tell lies. We didn’t talk, we didn’t meet in the US when I went there.”
~Vice President Leni Robredo on Vitaliano Aguirre’s baseless allegation she met with Fil-Am LP supporter Loida Nicolas-Lewis recently

Opinion
The ‘conspiracy’ to oust Duterte
By Prof. Randy David
“If the people around the President are either too intimidated or too much in awe to tell him of his shortcomings, then they are creating a narcissistic ruler who will not be able to free himself from the self-referential world he has constructed.”

Be rational.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Philippine Star; Mocha/Duterte: Palace Photo]





BES, MAY NANALO NA!

31 12 2016

2016 IS OVER. ‘Buti naman. Ang dami kasing nangyari. Nakakapagod. Kay Mocha Uson pa lang, mapapamura ka na. Anyway, narito ang listahan ng mga Winners at Losers ngayong 2016.

1french
WINNER: President-elect Rodrigo Duterte. In 3-6 months, solved ang problema sa kriminalidad. Astig! Ikaw na talaga.

LOSER: President Rodrigo Duterte. Nagbanta. Nang-away. Nanghikayat pumatay. Umaming pumatay. Ginawang bayani ang diktador na patay. ‘Tang ina.

LOSER: Justice Sec. Vitaliano Aguirre. The resident clown of the Duterte administration. Ayaw ko nang dagdagan. Sayang ang oras ko sa kanya.

LOSER: Sen. Leila De Lima’s public image. Perception trumps reality. Ikaw ba naman ang palibutan at bugbugin ng mga galamay ni Duterte sa Gabinete, Senado, Kamara, mainstream & social media, at sa kaaway mong sekta, paano mo pa ipagtatanggol ang imahe mo? Wala na. Suko na bes, may nanalo na.

WINNER: Sen. Leila De Lima. Prangkahan na. Wala naman talagang naglakas-loob lumaban sa psychopath ng palasyo kundi siya. Hindi LP. Hindi Akbayan. Hindi si Trillanes. Hindi ang Magnificent 7 ng Kamara. Si T’yang Leila lang talaga.

WINNER: Leni Robredo. The last man standing is a woman. Indeed!

LOSER: Bongbong Marcos. Kampanteng-kampante ang anak ng diktador na makababalik sila sa palasyo. Number 1 kasi ito sa VP survey hanggang Abril. Eh biglang nagising ang mga tao. O, loko. FYI: Hindi ka dinaya. Talo ka! Talo!

LOSER: The House of Representatives. Dahil sa kamanyakan ng mga kongresistang nagpiyesta sa sex life ng isang senadora. In a post-hearing interview, one congressman allegedly admitted, “Tinigasan ang aking mga kasama.”

LOSER: Palace interpreters. Kagulo lagi ang mga pucha. Every other day, may kanya-kanyang interpretation sa sinabi ni Duterte?!? Punyeta. Every week, nagmo-mochang tanga talaga.

WINNER: Drug lab raids. Great work! ‘Yan ang dapat tinututukan: the manufacturers of illegal drugs.

LOSER: State-encouraged extra-judicial killing. Sabi nga ng The New York Times: Even if Mr. Duterte has not directly ordered individual killings, there is no doubt they are being carried out with his approval.

LOSER: The poor. Sila lang naman ang kaya eh. Madaling i-raid. Madaling posasan. Madaling patayin. Madaling itapon. Eh bakit ‘yong pulitikong drug lord na kapatid ng isa ring kilalang pulitiko sa Southern Tagalog hindi hinuhuli? Ooops. Ayaw ko nang magsalita. Secret.

WINNER: General Bato De La Rosa. To be fair, masipag naman siya at marunong lumaro sa masa (beware!). Ang tsismis: inihahanda na ang BBM-Bato sa 2022. Naku, ayaw ‘yan ni Quietano!

WINNER: CIDG Region 8 head, Supt. Marvin Marcos. Ayon sa NBI, murder ang ginawa ni Marcos kay Mayor Espinosa pero kinampihan pa rin siya ni Duterte. Iba ka!

LOSER: Mga Ka-DDS. According to a CNN-Gallup Poll, Duterte fanatics are the most gullible people in the world followed by Donald Trump supporters in distant second. The same survey showed that 98.75 percent of Duterte fanatics believe everything that Mocha Uson posts on Facebook.

WINNER: Agot Isidro. Habang ‘yong ibang artista, na-infect na ng Duterte virus, nabigyan ng puwesto o kaya ay natakot magsalita, biglang sulpot ang mahusay na aktres. PSYCHOPATH ka Duterte, psychopath ka. Exactly our thoughts. Thanks Agot for being brave!

WINNER: Baste and Inday Sara Duterte. Nand’yan lang sila. Tahimik. Simpleng namumuhay. Ipagpatuloy n’yo ‘yan. [Kay Paolo Duterte, no comment ako. Afraid!]

LOSER: Mocha Uson. The Ambassadress of Disinformation. Dahil sa minu-minutong paninira sa mga kritiko ng kanyang Tatay Digong at pagpapakalat ng kasinungalingan, maling impormasyon, at black propaganda on or about everyone na hindi sang-ayon sa maling ginagawa ng pangulo. To quote Ms Agot Isidro, “Pa-relevant!”

LOSER: Ka-DDS and BBM Trolls na katulong ni Mocha Uson sa disinformation at pag-revise ng history. Ang sad ng life n’yo. Mali-mali naman ang grammar. Yuck.

WINNER: Ateneo & La Salle Communities for taking a stand against EJK during a UAAP game. Also, schools and universities who released statements denouncing EJK.

LOSER: Imee Marcos. “Unang-una, ‘yong guilt, paano ko ia-admit eh ang liit-liit ko noon?!” PAKYU.

1lnmb
WINNER: The Marcoses. Nailibing sa Libingan ng mga Bayani ang diktador na si Ferdinand Marcos. Salamat sa campaign promise ng tuta nilang si Duterte.

LOSER: The Marcoses. Maging ang kahuli-hulihang sandali ng diktador, nakaw pa rin. Kadiri.

LOSER: Alan Peter Cayetano. Talo na sa eleksyon, talo pa sa isyu ng paglilibing kay Marcos sa Libingan ng mga Bayani. Anyareh? #Quietano

WINNER: Sen. Panfilo Lacson. Sa consistent na pag-expose sa milyun-milyong pisong pork barrel funds na pilit isinisingit sa budget ng mga corrupt na tao sa gobyerno.

LOSER: DFA Sec. Perfecto Yasay. May rumor na ipu-pull out na ng China ang kanilang ambassador sa Pilipinas. Nandiyan naman daw si Yasay. Makes sense.

LOSER: Manny Pacquiao. Once a bigot, always a bigot. Ang dami niyang cringe-worthy one-liners this year. Pero nanalo namang senador. Dahil diyan…

WINNER: Manny Pacquiao. Tagumpay sa kanyang “comeback” fight against Jesse Vargas. Nanalo rin bilang mambabatas. Dahil diyan…

LOSER: Filipino voters. ‘Tang ina. Ang daming mas qualified na kandidato, ‘yan ang ibinoto n’yo?! Fuck you.

WINNER: Noynoy Aquino. Natapos din sa wakas ang anim na taon niya bilang pangulo. Relieved ang lolo n’yo.

LOSER: Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago. The Big C won. Damn you cancer.

LOSER: Jejomar Binay. Malacañang na, naging city hall pa. Ang sakit.

WINNER: The Binays. Nabawi ang Makati City Hall na pansamantalang nawala sa kanila. Tuloy ang ligaya. #AlamNa

LOSER: Mar Roxas. Hindi talaga para sa ‘yo ang palasyo. Ang sakit ‘no?

WINNER: Mar Roxas. Nakabawi siya kay Binay nang mag-No. 2 siya sa eleksyon. Huwag nang choosy. Pwede na ‘yon.

LOSER: Grace Poe. Kasi naman. Nagmamadali eh.

LOSER: Bong Revilla: Hindi kinaya ng campaign promise ni Duterte. Tuloy ang plunder case sabi ng korte. Dahil d’yan…

WINNER: Taxpayers!

WINNER: Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. Lahat yata ng corruption cases, na-dismiss! Ang husay ng lawyer. Dahil d’yan…

LOSER: Taxpayers. #saklap

WINNER: CHEd Chair Patricia Licuanan. Maraming buwaya sa paligid. Kapit lang ma’am.

WINNER: Commission on Elections. For yet another honest, orderly, and peaceful automated elections.

LOSER: The people behind the Official Gazette. Pinapasusweldo ng taumbayan para baguhin ang kasaysayan. Kapal.

1standard
LOSER: This Manila Standard headline. So much for standards!

BIGGER LOSER: Philippine Daily Inquirer. Sa pagbibigay ng espasyo sa Duterte apologist na si Martin Andanar. Eeew.

BIGGEST LOSER: Philippine Star. Mocha Uson talaga? MOCHA FREAKIN USON as Op-Ed columnist? Until now, hindi pa rin natatahimik ang mga kaluluwa nina Betty Go-Belmonte at Max Soliven.

LOSER: Kris Aquino. Sino na nga siya?

LOSER: Sandro Marcos. Kailangan pa bang i-explain ‘to? Boo!Boo!

WINNER: The 2016 Metro Manila Film Festival. We saw 7 of 8 entries. #NuffSaid Eh ‘yong ambassadress, nakailan ba?

LOSER: Filipinos. Almost 7,000 deaths. A people desensitized to murder. What have we become?

AND FINALLY, we reveal our MOST INFLUENTIAL FILIPINO OF THE YEAR:

1pdi
RODRIGO DUTERTE
President and Self-Confessed Murderer
A foul-mouthed populist leader flirting with authoritarian fantasies
Umayos ka.

——————————————————————————————————————————
“The future depends on what you do today.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi

Happy New Year everyone! May we all have a better and safer 2017!

THANK YOU!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





NOW SHOWING

27 12 2016

HERE’S your complete guide to HMMMPFF 2016.

1xmas
DIE BEAUTIFUL
Synopsis: Si Sassha Sutsot ay isang parlorista na huminto sa paggamit ng droga nang maging presidente si Rodrigo Duterte. Isang araw, habang mini-makeup-an ang sarili, ni-raid ng mga nagpakilalang pulis ang kanyang parlor. Sa sobrang gulat at takot, nahawakan ni Sassha ang isang nail cutter. Nang makita ng mga pulis ang nail cutter, sumigaw ang mga ito: Sige bakla, manlaban ka! Manlaban ka nang makita mo ang hinahanap mo!

Manlalaban kaya si Sassha Sutsot? Bubuhayin kaya siya ng mga pulis? Sakto na ba ang kanyang makeup sakaling may mangyaring masama? Mamamatay kaya siyang maganda?

VINCE & KATH & JAMES
Synopsis: Very popular sa kanilang school si Kath kaya’t hinikayat siyang tumakbong presidente ng student council. Tatakbo namang vice president si James at gusto nitong maging runningmate ni Kath kaya’t kinulit niya ito. Pinuntahan pa nga niya ito sa kanilang bahay. Dahil sa pamimilit ni James, pumayag rin si Kath. Ngunit nang kampanya na, ilang beses nag-joke si Kath na baka ang manalong vice president ay hindi ang kanyang running mate kundi ang ubod nang yamang si Vince, ang mahigpit na kaaway ni James.

Pagdating ng eleksyon, nanalo si Kath. Talo pareho sina Vince at James. Pero si James, hindi tumigil ng kasisipsip at kasusunod kay Kath dahil umaasa ito ng endorsement mula sa dalaga sa susunod na eleksyon. Si Vince naman, hindi matanggap ang pagkatalo for vice president at nag-file ng protesta.

Hanggang kailan magiging tuta ni Kath si James? Siya kaya ang sunod na iendorso ng dalaga? Bakit ayaw pang tanggapin ni Vince ang pagkatalo? Dahil ba marami silang pera at kaya nitong gastusan ang manual recount of votes? Totoo kaya ang tsismis na meron nang teenage son si Vince sa London at itinatago niya ito dahil ubod nang bobo ang binatilyo? Sandro kaya ang name ng anak ni Vince? Malamang. Bakit sinagot ko ang aking tanong? Ang bobo.

KABISERA
Synopsis: Naninirahang mag-isa sa kanyang mansion ang hacienderong si Benito. May kanya-kanya na kasing pamilya ang kanyang mga kapatid at siya na lamang ang naiwang walang asawa.

Umaga, tanghali, gabi… mag-isa siyang kumakain habang nakaupo sa kabisera ng mahabang mesa sa maluwang na kusina ng mala-palasyong tahanan. Ngunit sa kabila ng yaman, malungkot si Benito. Hindi ito ang inasam niyang buhay. Ayaw niyang mamatay na nag-iisa.

Oras na ba para muling humanap ng babaeng mamahalin si Benito? Hindi pa ba huli ang lahat? Bakit ba tila mailap ang pag-ibig sa kanya? Dahil ba lagi siyang may ubo at plema? Kailan niya ititigil ang paninigarilyo?

SAVING SALLY
Synopsis: Sally Lim ang kanyang tunay na pangalan, a suspected drug lord. Nang makasama sa listahan ng high-profile drug targets, sumuko si Sally sa mayor ng kanilang siyudad. Galit sa droga ang kanilang mayor at binantaang papatayin si Sally kapag nagkita sila. Ngunit sa ‘di inaasahang pangyayari, natameme ang mayor nang makaharap si Sally. Nagpakita kasi ng maraming pictures si Sally kung saan kasama niya sa iba’t ibang okasyon si Mayor: may kasal, binyag, libing, tuli, Miss Gay pageant at Mr. Bikini Superhotbodies. Nang makita ang mga litrato, nagbago ng isip si Mayor. Sa halip na patayin, pinatakas nito si Sally.

Nasaan na si Sally Lim? Bumalik pa kaya siya sa Pilipinas? Bakit ganun siya ka-close kay Mayor? Totoo bang may kinikilingan, may pinuprotekahan at may kasinungalingan si Mayor? Bakit ba tanong pa tayo nang tanong eh alam naman natin ang sagot?

SUNDAY BEAUTY QUEEN
Synopsis: Modernong babae si Mookah. Ginagamit nito ang kanyang katawan para kumita. Ngunit nabago ang takbo ng kanyang buhay nang manalong congressman ang isang dati niyang kliyente. Pinahinto siya nito sa paghuhubad. Dahil malakas ang hatak sa publiko lalo na sa mga kalalakihan, ginawa siyang PR consultant ng kongresista. Siya rin ang in-charge sa paninira sa mga kalaban ng pulitiko gamit ang kanyang sikat na blog sa Facebook, ang Mookah Mo Uupuan Ko.

Recently, na-appoint siyang Ambassadress for Hadhad, Buni, and Alipunga Prevention na ikinataas ng kilay ng mga dermatologists. Wala raw kasi itong sapat na background sa trabaho. Deadma si Mookah sa mga kritiko.

Ano ang susunod na puwestong ibibigay kay Mookah? Special envoy for garbage collection? Presidential adviser for TODA concerns? Commissioner for live webcam shows? ANO PA?!? ANO!!!??? Also, bakit ganito ang title ng movie? Sunday Beauty Queen pero walang kunek sa synopsis? Bakit parang nanloloko? Si Mookah rin ba ang may pakana ng misinformation na ito?

SEKLUSYON
Synopsis: Sina Leni at Patricia ay mga bagong salta sa bayan ng San Isidro. Volunteer social workers ang dalawa at tumutulong sa mahihirap na residente. Isang araw, naka-receive sila ng text message mula sa kapitan:

Madam Leni and Madam Patricia,
Sabi ni Kap, tigilan n’yo na raw ang ginagawa n’yo. Feelingera raw kayong dalawa. Feeling n’yo raw kayo lang ang magaling. Feeling n’yo raw walang ginagawang mabuti si Kap. Kaya mabuti pa, lumayas na kayo. Or else, ipatatapon kayo ni Kap sa isang secluded na lugar!

Walang nagawa si Leni. Umalis siya sa nasabing bayan at ipinagpatuloy ang gawain sa ibang lugar. Ngunit naiwan si Patricia at pinanindigang walang sinumang makapipigil sa kanyang trabaho.

Ano ang gagawin ni Mayor upang mapalayas sa kanilang lugar si Patricia? Sisiraan din kaya nila ito katulad ng ginawa nila kay Leni? Bakit pilit na pilit ang title ng pelikulang ito? At bakit pilit na pilit din ang synopsis? Ganun ba talaga kahirap magpatawa?

ORO
Synopsis: Tatlong buwan nang nakaburol ang pinatalsik sa puwestong si Gov. Fernando Narcos. Nangangamoy na nga ang bangkay ng matanda dahil hindi pala ito binalsamo bilang pagsunod sa kanyang huling hiling. Hindi mailibing si Narcos sa pinakamalapit na sementeryo dahil sa pagtutol ng taumbayan. Noong nasa puwesto pa kasi ang gobernador, ibinulsa nito ang milyun-milyong pisong kinita ng kapitolyo mula sa mga minahan ng ginto sa kanilang lalawigan.

Nag-demand ang mga residente na ibalik ng pamilya Narcos ang kanilang ninakaw. Ngunit dahil ubod nang kapal ang mukha ng biyuda at mga anak ng gobernador, deadma sila sa panawagan ng taumbayan.

Isang araw, nagulat na lang ang publiko nang mabalitaang palihim na inililibing ang pumanaw na gobernador. Sumugod sila sa sementeryo upang magprotesta. Naabutan nila doon ang buong pamilya Narcos. Nagkaroon ng sigawan, sumbatan at murahan. Sa gitna ng kaguluhan, nagsalita ang panganay na anak ng gobernador, si Noemi at nagbantang tutusukin ng kanyang matulis na baba ang sinumang pipigil sa libing ng kanyang ama. Ngunit hindi nagpasindak ang taumbayan.

Saan hahantong ang komprontasyon? Ituloy kaya ni Noemi ang kanyang banta? Bakit namamaga ang mukha ng kapatid na lalaki ni Noemi na si Gonggong? Totoo kayang umiinom ng formalin tablets ang kanilang inang si Esmeralda kaya’t hindi mamatay-matay? Baka nga.

ANG BABAE SA SEPTIC TANK
Synopsis: Matapang na babae si Leila. Kinalaban niya ang isang mayor na sangkot sa sunud-sunod na patayan sa kanilang bayan. Dahil dito, napag-initan ng mga tauhan ni Mayor si Leila. Inakusahan nila ito ng drug trafficking, pornography, adultery, acts of lasciviousness, indecent exposure, prostitution, at sexting with a married subordinate. Dahil ‘di pa rin matinag-tinag si Leila, dinukot ito ng mga tauhan ni Mayor at inihulog sa isang septic tank.

Makaahon pa kaya si Leila mula sa pagkakalubog? Humihinga kaya siya habang lumalangoy sa dumi ng tao? Paano kung malunok niya ito? Ngayong ubod na siya nang baho, makahanap pa kaya siya ng lalaking magmamahal sa kanya? Bakit si Leila may love life, ikaw wala? Hindi ka ba nai-insecure?

Suportahan po natin ang pelikulang Pilipino. Panoorin ang lahat ng entries. Maraming salamat po!
—————————————————————————————————————————-
“Fiction reveals truth that reality obscures.”
~Jessamyn West

Soundbites
From Mocha Uson, MMFF 2016 Ambassadress (Whatever that means)

1

I can’t even.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.





DON’T LOSE HOPE…

24 12 2016

1htgawm
THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS.

1xmas
Have a safe Christmas & an even safer New Year!
——————————————————————————————–
“Men who thought of themselves as gods fell the farthest, and the hardest.”
~Nenia Campbell, ‘Cease and Desist’





RIGHTS, ROOTS AND OTHER STORIES

12 12 2016

1ejk
AFTER several hearings on the reported extrajudicial killings, a joint Senate committee report concluded (that) the non-stop slaughter of drug suspects (almost 6,000 deaths to date) were NOT state-sponsored. Apparently, the senators prefer a more specific term: Duterte-encouraged.

Death Penalty
Voting 12-6, the House justice committee approved the proposed bill seeking to restore the death penalty –- to the surprise of many Filipinos who asked, “Wala pang death penalty?!? ‘YUNG LAGAY NA ‘YAN, WALA PA PALANG DEATH PENALTY?!?” #AllCapsParaIntense

Human Rights
Last Saturday, December 10 was International Human Rights Day. Presidential Communications Office Assistant Secretary Ana Marie Banaag said Malacañang was one with the international community in celebrating Human Rights Day. That was the latest joke from the palace.

Coddler
An NBI probe concluded that Albuera, Leyte Mayor Rolando Espinosa was murdered by the CIDG led by CIDG Region 8 head, Supt. Marvin Marcos, a suspected drug coddler. Despite the findings, President Duterte said he would not let Marcos and his men go to jail. Even Duterte fanatics were like, “’Tang ina! Ano ba talaga?!”

1marcos-abscbnnews
Roots
CIDG Region 8 head, Supt. Marvin Marcos, who is reportedly involved in criminal activities, traces his roots to the family of the late dictator Ferdinand Marcos. You know the idiom, ‘it runs in the family.’

No Intention
Vice President Leni Robredo says she has not read and has no intention to read the Facebook blog of starlet Mocha Uson who has consistently spread malicious and baseless information against her. That’s understandable though because there are certainly better things to do than reading Mocha Uson’s blog. For example, anything.

Pregnant
The Vice President has recently denied malicious rumors that she is pregnant. Some of her supporters believe it’s Mocha Uson who’s probably pregnant because Uson reportedly wakes up in the middle of the night craving… attention.

1lendutsphilstar
No Intention II
According to Vice President Leni Robredo, she has not read the blog of starlet Mocha Uson and has no intention to read it. Or as Mocha Uson would say on Facebook, “Vice President Leni Robredo, naglilihi, galit na galit sa blog ko.”

Employed
Reports say the number of jobless Filipinos has dropped in the third quarter of the year. In totally unrelated news, online trolls thanked the government for giving them a job.

Fake
Facebook has filed a patent on a system to automatically identify and remove posts containing fake news. You’ll be jobless soon government trolls!

1miss-u
Miss U
Miss Universe 2017, which will be held on January 30 next year, has been officially launched in Manila. You can see the excitement on their faces: Pia Wurtzbach, the candidates, and Chavit Singson.

Tourism undersecretary Kat De Castro is very visible these days. She’s the pageant’s biggest supporter.
——————————————————————————————————————
“Never be content to sit back and watch as others’ rights are trampled upon. Your rights could be next.”
~DaShanne Stokes

Sound Bites
“Tingin ko kailangan mo lang ng trolls kung kailangan mong humanap ng kakampi. But because marami namang like-minded and pareho nating pakiramdam sa mga bagay, tingin ko hindi natin kailangan sumama sa bandwagon.”
~Vice President Leni Robredo

Ignore them.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Leni/Duterte: Philstar.com; Marvin Marcos: ABSCBN News; Gordon: Rappler; Miss Universe: @LeilasINQ]





MAY NAG-TEXT!

6 12 2016

1untitled
BANNED
DUTERTE: Pare, sabihan mo si Leni, ‘wag na siyang umattend ng Cabinet meeting.

BONG GO: Pare naman, ba’t ako ang magsasabi eh hindi naman ako ang pangulo?

DUTERTE: Mismo! Sino bang pangulo? Ikaw o ako?

BONG GO: Ikaw.

DUTERTE: So sino ang masusunod?

BONG GO: Ako.

DUTERTE:

BONG GO: Heto na po ite-text na!

1bongdutz-rappler
The Choice
DUTERTE: Pare, sabihan mo si Leni, simula sa Lunes, ‘wag na ‘wag na siyang a-attend ng kahit anong Cabinet meeting.

BONG GO: Sige pare. Sasabihan ko na.

DUTERTE: Teka muna! Paano nga pala ‘yong tuhod na lagi kong tinititigan?

BONG GO: Pare, you have to decide. Tuhod o Bongbong? Alin ang mas gusto mo?

DUTERTE: ‘Tang inang tanong ‘yan pare! Tuhod ‘yon ng babae. Si Bongbong, lalaki!

BONG GO:

DUTERTE: Bongbong siyempre. #MarcosPaRin

The Text Message
SECRETARY EVASCO: Gd evening Madam Vice President. ‘Wag ka na raw umattend ng meetings sabi ni Bong Go.

LENI: Wait. Sino po ulit ang nagsabi? Si Bong Go ho ba o ang presidente?

EVASCO: Si Bong Go.

LENI: Akala ko si presidente.

EVASCO: Oo nga.

LENI: Huh? Sino bang presidente?

EVASCO: Si Bong Go.

LENI:

EVASCO: Sorta.

1dutzevasco
The Text Message II
BONG GO: Pareng Jun, i-text mo si Leni. ‘Wag na raw siyang umattend ng Cabinet meeting sabi ni Presidente.

SECRETARY EVASCO: Teka pare. Ba’t ako ang magsasabi? Sino bang inutusan ni Presidente?

BONG GO: Ako.

EVASCO: Eh ‘di ikaw ang mag-text.

BONG GO: Wala akong load eh.

EVASCO: Pasahan kita.

BONG GO: Lobat na ako eh.

EVASCO: Pahiramin kita ng charger.

BONG GO: Android ‘to eh. iPhone ka.

EVASCO: ‘Tang ina naman. Wala kang bayag! Sige na nga, ite-text ko na!

The Text Message III
LENI: Hi Secretary Go. Nag-text si CabSec Jun Evasco. ‘Wag na raw akong a-attend ng meeting starting Monday. At ikaw raw ang nagpapasabi. Totoo ba?

BONG GO:

LENI: ‘Pag ‘di kasi ako umattend ng Cabinet meeting, mai-skip ko ‘yong trabaho ko. So totoo ba ‘yong tinext ni CabSec Jun?

BONG GO:

LENI: Secretary Go, last text ko na ‘to. Can you confirm na hindi na ako pinaa-attend ng Cabinet meeting?!? Please reply.

BONG GO: Uy Bongbong, ano bang isasagot ko dito kay VP Leni? Sunud-sunod ang text eh.

LENI:

BONG GO: Ooops. Sorry po. Wrong send.

Resignation Letter
LENI: I accepted the appointment as Chairperson of the Housing and Urban Development Coordinating Council (HUDCC) given our shared commitment to the poor and marginalized.

DUTERTE: O, tapos?

LENI: I have exerted all effort to put aside our differences, maintain a professional working relationship, and work effectively despite the constraints because the Filipino people deserve no less.

DUTERTE: Ano pa?

LENI: However, your directive for me to “desist from attending all Cabinet meetings” has effectively made it impossible for me to do my job. Remaining in your Cabinet has become untenable.

DUTERTE: Ang tagal naman ng “With due respect… “

LENI: With due respect, I am tendering my resignation as HUDCC Chairperson effective immediately.

DUTERTE *typing*
Dear Bongbong, You’re welcome. Merry Christmas!

1leni-inquirer
The Text Message IV
SECRETARY EVASCO: Gd evening again Madam Vice President. Ipinasasabi ni Bong Go na may kapalit ka na raw bilang housing czar.

LENI: Wala pong problema. Pero ang bilis! Wala pang 24 hours, nakahanap agad. Sino po bang kapalit ko?

EVASCO: Ako.

LENI:

EVASCO:

LENI:

EVASCO: Txt back.

Heavy Heart
LENI: With due respect, I am tendering my resignation as HUDCC Chairperson effective immediately.

ANDANAR: The President accepts your resignation as housing czar. With a heavy heart.

LENI:

ANDANAR: Czaring!

1bong-inquirer
IN OTHER NEWS…
Denied
BONG REVILLA: Manong Digong, akala ko ba idi-dismiss ng Korte Suprema ang kaso ko ‘pag nasa pwesto ka na?

DUTERTE: Sino ‘to?

BONG REVILLA: Si Bong.

DUTERTE: Marcos?

BONG REVILLA: Hindi! Si Bong, Bong Revilla!

DUTERTE: Sorry, choppy ka, choppy. Text ka ulit.

Denied II
BONG REVILLA: Manong Digong, akala ko ba mananalo ako sa kaso pag-upo mo?

DUTERTE: Sino ‘to?

BONG REVILLA: Si Bong! Bong Revilla.

DUTERTE: Teka naman, isa-isa lang. Kapapanalo lang ng Marcos burial eh. Baka mahalata.

BONG REVILLA: So pa’no? Ganun na lang ‘yun?! Matapos ka naming papanalunin sa Cavite, kakalimutan mo na ako? Matapos kang mangakong lalaya ako bago mag-Pasko, iiwan mo ako? Matapos akong umasang madi-dismiss ang kaso, ganyan ang sasabihin mo?!?

DUTERTE: Manahimik ka tangna mu! Ako ba ang nagbulsa ng 200 million? Ako ba ang kakuntsaba ni Janet Napoles? Ako ba ang nakinabang sa pork barrel?

BONG REVILLA:

DUTERTE: Sorry naman! Nagtatanong lang. Hindi ako nagbibintang.
____________________________________________________________________________
“Tyranny seldom announces itself…In fact, a tyranny may exist without an individual tyrant. A whole government, even a democratically elected one, may be tyrannical.”
~Joseph Sobran

1bongdutz-rappler
Sound Bites
“This is not the time for fear. It is a time for conviction. It is a time for courage.”
~Vice President Leni Robredo

Fight on.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte/Bong Go: Inquirer.net; Leni Robredo: Inquirer.net; Jun Evasco/Duterte: Inquirer.net]








%d bloggers like this: