14 12 2011

The largest crocodile, the smallest ex-president,
the nastiest feuds, the silliest spokespersons,
the best TV shows, the most overrated people,
the biggest shockers, and more.

Check out who made our list of 2011 newsmakers.

News Story of the Year:
The arrest of former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo

Newsmaker of the Year:
Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo

Breakthrough Performance – Comedy:
Atty. Ferdie Topacio

Breakthrough Performance – Action:
Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte

Breakthrough Performance – Drama:
Ramona Bautista

Breakthrough Performance – Mystery:
Sen. Panfilo Lacson

Breakthrough Performance – Legal Drama:
Sec. Leila De Lima

Breakthrough Performance – Short Film (LGBT):
Atty. Midas Marquez

Breakthrough Performance – Adventure:
Christopher Lao

Excellence in Writing – Political Thriller:
Elena Bautista-Horn (Put the Little Girl to Sleep)

Excellence in Writing – Medical Drama:
Atty. Raul Lambino

Excellence in Writing – Romantic Comedy:
President Aquino

Most Daring Political Tweet of the Year:
Atty. Edwin Lacierda @dawende: “Noticed how Leftists are so onion-skinned? Tinawag lang (na) perjuicio ang strike, pumuputok ang butchi nila! Mahilig bumanat pero mga pikon pala.”

Most Outrageous Non-Political Tweets of the Year:
Cong. Jules Ledesma @julesled: “To hatid or notThat is the question. Whether tis not yet light tis perhaps my duty… Ulol gust molang rumonda charos. Ganun narin yon echos”

And another…. @julesled: “Dear antok eto doble bayad insomia natin sya­para saddam bukascyan hehe alam ko yaman yaya kandado ng kwarto la na ‘yun”

Everything 2011: The Top Five

Top 5 Shockers (Did anyone see that coming?)
– The arrest of former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo
– The impeachment of Chief Justice Renato Corona
– The suicide of Angelo Reyes on President Aquino’s 51st birthday.
– The resignation of Sen. Miguel Zubiri
– KC Concepcion’s revelations on the sad state of her relationship with Piolo Pascual

Top 5 Feuds
President Aquino and Secretary De Lima vs. Chief Justice Renato Corona and the Supreme Court

Mayor Sara “The Davao Punch” Duterte vs. Court sheriff Abe Andres

Atty. Edwin Lacierda vs. leftist rallyists; Atty. Edwin Lacierda vs. Atty. Harry Roque; Atty. Edwin Lacierda vs. Atty. Ferdie Topacio; Atty. Edwin Lacierda vs. Cong. Edcel Lagman, Atty. Edwin Lacierda vs. Elena Bautista-Horn, Atty. Edwin Lacierda vs. Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz, Atty. Edwin Lacierda vs. Atty. Midas Marquez, etc.

(tie) Cong. Mitos Magsaysay vs. Communication Group’s Ricky Carandang and Abigail Valte / Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay vs. DILG Sec. Jesse Robredo

Willie Revillame vs. netizens, DSWD, MTRCB and CHR on the ‘Janjan macho dancing’ incident

Top 5 ‘Shut Up Ka Na Please!’
– Elena Bautista-Horn: “May mga nagsumbong po sa amin na mga nasa administrasyon ngayon na meron po silang masamang balakin. Meron sila ngayong ‘Operation Put the Little Girl to Sleep.’ Ni-report na po sa amin ‘yan.”
– Atty. Ferdinand Topacio: “Ipapatanggal ko ang itlog ko kapag ‘di bumalik ang mga Arroyo.”
– Atty. Edwin Lacierda: “Whether they would admit it or not, the PISTON-led transport strike is a dud!”
– Bishop Teodoro Bacani: “’Tong same sex marriage, napapangitan talaga ako. Kadiri. Para tayong gaya gaya puto maya. Laban ito sa salita ng Diyos”
– Annabelle Rama: “Hoy tanga, tangengot, duwag, gusto mo sampalan na lang tayo? Hinahamon kita Nadia magpa-drug test ka! Kumikita ang mga bata, akala mo superstar, pinapa-release n’ya sa akin. Hoy manigas ka! Tanga! Hindi ko ire-release ang anak mo gago! Hina-hunting ka ng may-ari ng bahay hindi ka nagbabayad. Kinuha mo ‘yong mga kama nila, pati mga sofa nila, baboy ka!

Top 5 “That was fast!” Moments
– The impeachment of Chief Justice Renato Corona
– Judge Jesus Mupas’ issuance of an arrest order vs. CGMA
– The engagement of Valenzuela City Councilor Shalani Soledad and Pasig City Rep. Roman Romulo
– Murder suspect Ramona Bautista’s flight to Turkey after being implicated in the murder of her brother
– The Year 2011. Parang kailan lang.

Top 5 ‘What the hell was that?’ Moments
– Bishop Juan De Dios Pueblo’s letter to then President Arroyo: “I hope you will never fail to give a brand new car which would serve as your birthday gift to me.”
– Brgy. Ayala Alabang’s ordinance requiring people who buy condoms to present a doctor’s prescription
– Batangas Governor Vima Santos and the provincial government’s proposal to erect a Hollwood-like structure on Taal Volcano Island
– QC Rep. Winnie Castelo and his Anti-Planking Act of 2011
– Bohol Rep. Rene Relampagos’ proposed measure seeking to name Edsa after former President Cory Aquino

Top 5 Negastarlets
– Mr. and Mrs. Jacinto and Erlinda Ligot
– Maria Ramona Bautista-Bülbüloğlu and Genelyn Magsaysay
– The SUV bishops
– AVE Party List Eulogio ‘Menopausal Bitch’ Magsaysay
– Cat killer Joseph Carlo Candare

Top 5 ‘Almost Famous’ a.k.a.The Andy Warhol Awardees
– Christopher Lao: “I should have been informed. Dapat ininform. ‘Yun lang ‘yun eh.”

DPWH executives in the altered/Photoshopped image that was uploaded to the DPWH’s official Facebook Like Page

James Soriano: “Filipino was the language of the streets: it was how you spoke to the tindera when you went to the tindahan, what you used to tell your katulong that you had an utos, and how you texted manong when you needed ‘sundo na.’”

Amanda Coling: “”Still I have high regards for the Azkals. Sana they bring more glory to the country. Sana matapos na ang issue. But if not, sana justice will be served sa karapat-dapat.”

– The zodiac sign Ophiucus. Akala mo, maniniwala kami sa ‘yo? Ulol.

Top 5 “Bravo!” Moments
– COA Auditor Heidi Mendoza’s testimony on the alleged corruption in the AFP
– The MMDA’s anti-smoking campaign in Metro Manila
– The bayanihan spirit after the onslaught of several typhoons (Pedring, Onyok, Quiel, atbp)
– The Puerto Princesa Underground River as one of the New Seven Wonders of Nature
– Beauty queens Shamcey Supsup and Gwendoline Ruais win, and UP student Danica Magpantay named Ford Supermodel 2011

Top 5 ‘Wanted: Law & Order’ Situations
– The killing of 19 soldiers in Mindanao
– The bombing of a bus along Edsa-Buendia killing at least four and wounding 18. The bombers are still out there!
– The murder/suicide of two teenage males in SM Pampanga
– The brutal rape/murder of two university students: UPLB’s Given Grace Cebanico and Bicol University’s Laesybil Lim Almonacid
– Rampant carjacking (and murder) in early 2011

Top 5 Comebacks
Sen. Panfilo Lacson: “I learned to cook embotido, afritada, adobo, sinigang, and empanada with the help of Google.”
Sec. Mar Roxas: From vice president-wannabe to chief of DOTC
Lintang Bedol: “Hello! Kumusta kayo lahat?”
Nora Aunor
TV5. The station formerly known as the ‘fastest growing network’ is definitely back luring such bankable stars as the Megastar, the Superstar, and the Diamond Star. Isang ‘star’ na lang ang kulang. Si Star Querubin.

Top 5 Going, Going, Gone
– Former Sen. Migz Zubiri
– Former Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez
– Those huge, sexy billboards in the metro
– President Aquino’s Porsche

Top 5 Superlatives
– NAIA, the world’s worst airport and the fifth most hated
– Lolong, the world’s largest crocodile
– Junrey Balawing, the world’s shortest man alive
– John Gabriel Pelias’ 1.016 GWA – the highest general weighted average achieved by a UP graduate in the last 63 years. He was a math major.
– World’s longest line of coins

Top 5 Favorite Pastime
– President Aquino’s love life-related quips, e.g. “Noong araw regular, naging light, ngayon zero.”
– ABS-CBN’s ‘Gandang Gabi Vice’
– Annabelle Rama’s tweets, tantrums and tirades
– The Buzz’ KC Concepcion interview and Piolo Pascual’s sexuality
– Hilarious posers on Twitter, e.g. @superstarmarian, @ofacialdionisia, @krisaquinoSTD

Top 5  Overrated Things/People
– President Noynoy Aquino
– Ex-AFP bagman-turned-whistleblower George Rabusa
– Philippine Azkals
Anne Curtis, the recording artist. As i tweeted the other night, ‘You can’t get away with it. Unless you’re Anne Curtis.’
– The blockbuster comedy ‘Praybeyt Benjamin.’ I want a refund.

Top 5 Sports Moments
– The Philippine Dragon Boat Federation’s successful stint in Florida, USA
– Kobe Bryant and the NBA selection vs. UAAP and PBA stars
– David Beckham and the LA Galaxy vs. Philippine Azkals
– Pinoy pugs rule: Manny Pacquiao, Nonito Donaire, Brian Viloria and Ana Julaton
– Gilas Pilipinas places fourth in the FIBA Asia

Top 5 Things on TV Newscasts that Make You Go, “WTF!”
– TV Patrol‘s inane poll question, e.g. (1) “Sa inyong palagay, dapat bang gumamit na lang ng Filipino si Shamcey Supsup sa pagsagot ng tanong sa Miss Universe pageant?” Why, what’s wrong with her English? (2) “Kailangan bang buwisan ang kontribusyon sa SSS, Pag-IBIG at GSIS?” Do you really expect people to say “Yes, feel na feel naming magbayad ng buwis!” Come on.

Some of Lhar Santiago’s reports on 24Oras that are annoyingly pa-tweetums, e.g. (1) “Louise De Los Reyes malaki nga ba ang crush kay Alden Richards? (2) “Bea Binene extra-close daw ngayon kay Derrick Monasterio.” | WEHHHHH ANO NGAYON?

– The high-pitched Erwin Tulfo.  Galit ka?
Pa-poging news items, e.g. reports on various events where names of TV executives are enumerated.
Very minor stories branded as “exclusive.”

Top 5 Hiwalayan
– Sen. Chiz Escudero and wife, Christine Flores
– KC Concepcion and Piolo Pascual
– Tim Cone and Alaska Milk
– Elena Bautista-Horn and logic/reason
– Jinkee Pacquiao and her original face

Top 5 TV Programs (2011)
– State of the Nation
– Minsan Lang Kita Iibigin
– News5 Debates: Hamon sa Pagbabago
– 100 Days to Heaven
– iJuander/Junior Master Chef

Top 5 Likeable (New) Personalities We See on TV
– Miss World First Princess Gwendoline Ruais (smart!)
– Tourism Secretary Ramon Jimenez
– News reporters Saleema Refran and Hadji Rieta
– YouTube discovery Maria Aragon
– Zia Quizon and her music

Top 5 Buzzwords/Catchphrases (Political)
“All-out justice”
Area of temporary stay
Itlog ni Topacio

Top 10 Buzzwords/Catchphrases (Non-political)
– Ikaw Na!/You Already!
– Think Before You Click
– Cyberbullying
– Havey/Waley!
– Malaswaaaa!
– Unkabogable
– Nganga!
– Agad-agad?
– “Ako, Budoy”
– Kapatid

Top 5 Photos of 2011: Click here.
“Transmitted at the speed of light, all events on this planet are simultaneous. In the electric environment of information all events are simultaneous, there is no time or space separating events.”
~Marshall McLuhan

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2010: YEAR IN REVIEW (Part 1)

19 12 2010

ONCE AGAIN, it’s that time of the year when news and entertainment websites come up with a review of the events that transpired over the past 12 months. Some have already published their TOP 10 lists. TIME Magazine, for instance has the Top 10 of Everything of 2010 while PEOPLE magazine has its Best of 2010.

Beginning today, The Professional Heckler will be posting his own lists of the year’s bad, best, bald and Kris Aquino – plus, some year-end citations. Today’s post will be the first in a 3-part series. So sit back, relax, and enjoy… 2010: The Top 5 of Whatever!

Liberal Party’s Noynoy Aquino vs. Nacionalista’s Manny Villar (2010 Elections)
– Kapag binato ka ng bato (na pinulot sa C5 road), batuhin mo ng pekeng psychiatric evaluation reports. Kapag ‘di pa rin umubra, ang nanay mong ‘higit otsenta, iharap sa camera. Kapag ‘di pa rin kumita, mag-concede ka na habang kumakanta, “Nakaligo ka na ba sa dagat ng basura/ Nagpasko ka na ba sa gitna ng kalsada?”

Balay Group vs. Samar Group
– Kampanya pa lang may ‘balyahan’ na sa pagitan ng dalawang grupo. Pero ano ang sabi ng palasyo? Walang feud between Balay and Samar. Akala n’yo lang wala! Pero meron, meron, meron! Pak!

ABS-CBN vs. Willie Revillame
– For the love of money is the root of all lawsuits.

RH Bill Proponents vs. Pro-Life Advocates
Binantaan ng excommunication ang presidente. Ikinulong si Carlos Celdran. Nagkagiriian ang pro-life at pro-RH bill groups sa labas ng Manila Cathedral. Pinagbawalan ang DOH na mamahagi ng condom. And then suddenly, “Report: Pope approves use of condom to prevent diseases.” Whoa! Did anyone see that coming? Na-ah. Again, to the anti-RH bill people: Hindi kami makikialam sa inyong relihiyon, ‘wag n’yo lang pakialaman ang aming konstitusyon.

DILG Undersecretary Rico E. Puno vs. the Whole World
– “Bungled hostage rescue + jueteng controversy” are no match for “guns + shooting buddy.” Ikaw na ang maging best friend ng presidente! Ano ka ba talaga Usec? Puno o pusa? Siyam kasi ang buhay mo eh.

Honorable Mention (Feuds/Fights):
Former Sen. Dick Gordon vs. survey/research firms
Sen. Chiz Escudero vs. Mar Roxas & Korina Sanchez
Atty. Edwin Lacierda vs. Juana Change
Alpha Phi Omega Fraternity vs. DOJ Sec. Leila De Lima
Kris Aquino vs. James Yap
Kris Aquino vs. Mayen Austria
Kris Aquino vs. Atty. Lorna Kapunan
Kris Aquino vs. “Kris Aquino’s Despedida” Facebook Like Page fans
Kris Aquino vs. “them” (inside her head)

Joseph Estrada’s “junking” of runningmate Jejomar Binay
TV footage and photos prove it. Estrada did not vote for a vice presidential candidate last May 10. Sought for comment on the issue, Estrada initially admitted skipping the VP slot but “returned” and then corrected it. How in hell could he correct a ballot that had already been fed to the PCOS machine? “If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.” – Mark Twain

President Aquino on Donald Tsang’s missed calls
– At the height of the Manila hostage crisis, Hong Kong Chief Executive Donald Tsang tried to reach President Aquino twice but to no avail. Later, the president was quoted to have said: “Hindi ako kinatok sa meeting.” Tell that to the angry Chinese!

DILG Usec Rico E. Puno on jueteng emissaries
“Marami pong lumapit sa akin na padala ng mga taong may kinalaman sa jueteng. Ilan po sa kanila ay kaibigan ko pa.” But when asked to identify at least one of those jueteng emissaries, walang maalala ang punyeta! Nilapitan ka ng jueteng emissary, pinapasok mo sa iyong opisina, kinausap mong parang bisita, ‘tapos ni pangalan ng isa ‘di mo maalala? Leche flan ka!

Secretary Ricky Carandang on Mai Mislang’s tweets
“We warned her to be more careful with her tweets,” thus said Presidential Communications Development and Strategic Planning Office Secretary Ricky Carandang on Mai Mislang. For chrisssakes, Ricky, you were tweeting her! You were the one who asked about the taste of the wine in Vietnam. Did you advise her to be more circumspect during that very public Twitter exchange? No. As the poet Juvenal in Satire VI asked, “Who will guard the guardian themselves?”

Pampanga Governor Lilia Pineda on jueteng
Asked about alleged gambling operations in Pampanga, former presidential kumare, Governor Lilia Pineda categorically stated there’s no jueteng in her province. I’ve said this before and I’m saying this now: To say that there’s no jueteng in Pampanga is like saying there’s no Chocolate Hills in Bohol.

CHR Commissioner Coco Quisumbing
– Reporters covering the Commission on Human Rights were shocked when CHR Commissioner Coco Quisumbing suddenly went ballistic. Ang dahilan: ang arrangement ng pagkakaupo ng mga mamamahayag. Channeling her inner GMA, Quisumbing told the journalists:
“If you’re not in my line of sight, I am not going to talk to you. If you’re not going to listen to me and position yourselves as I am asking you to, I am just gonna walk out the door. Do you all hear me? (Yes, ma’am!) Ano?!? (Yes, ma’am!) I don’t hear all of you! (Yes, ma’am!) Ikaw, naka-green shirt, hindi kita kilala, I’m not going to take any of your questions. The lady with the white undershirt, what’s your name? You should be nicer to the person you want to interview. Be polite and you answer ok?”
Quisumbing’s outburst reminded me of a bumper sticker that read, “It’s called PMS because mad cow disease is already taken.” For her misplaced ego, Coco loco will also receive a special citation: “Bitchin’ for No Reason Syndrome Award.” Congratulations!

Mayor Alfredo Lim
– “Pulis lang! (sabay suntok sa mesa) Pulis lang ang magpapakamatay! Remember that!!” Sige po, tatandaan po namin ‘yan mayor. ‘Wag kayong mag-alala, hindi kami madaling makalimot. Even ‘yong utos n’yo sa mga pulis na “Sa Tondo na dalhin ‘yan” referring to the brother of the hostage taker, hindi po namin kakalimutan. Pero wait lang Mayor, curious lang kami, ano ba talagang meron sa Tondo? Bang!

Dante Jimenez
“Kayong mga justices, mga P.I. kayo! Pinatay n’yo ang criminal justice system. Mga P.I. kayo!” After expressing his “disgust” over the Supreme Court’s decision on the Vizconde massacre case, Jimenez resigned as president of the anti-crime group Volunteers Against Crime and Corruption (VACC). He said he’s willing to go to the mountains to make his sentiments known, if necessary. Well, timing ka sir! Baka kailangan ng kapalit ni Ka Roger.

Teresita Ang See
– In the IIRC hearings, Ang See castigated RMN news anchors Erwin Tulfo and Michael Rogas for obstructing and interfering with the negotiations during the Manila hostage crisis. Already irritated by the RMN anchors’ reasoning, Ang See even got more annoyed because of Tulfo’s fake American accent.

Baby Villar-Benedicto (Sister of Sen. Manny Villar)
– Questioned why they are letting their 86-year-old mother speak before the cameras, Baby Villar-Benedicto took a swipe at the Aquino camp saying, “Sino bang hindi ginagamit ang Nanay? Eh patay na nga ang nanay nila, ginagamit pa nila!” Wow, leveling!


“How much is galunggong? I don’t know. I’m a vegetarian.”
– Ex-senator Jamby Madrigal’s defense when attendees in a UP presidential forum heckled her after she failed to give the accurate price of galunggong. Again, that’s vegetarian, not vagitarian. Two different things.

“Well, well, I am sure that after your marriage, you had some insertions.”
– Sen. Aquilino Pimentel to Sen. Mar Roxas during Senate’s heated debate on the alleged C5 road project budget insertions of Senator Villar. Mr. Palengke was offended by the quip and sought an apology from the veteran politician. Moral of the story: When in Senate, do not crack jokes about cracks.

“’Pinakita Niya sa ‘kin hindi po ang mukha ni Gilbert Teodoro, kundi ang nakita ko sa aking harapan ay si President Obama. Nagkamayan kami, nagyakapan kami, nagpalitrato kami, ngunit sa uluhan po namin ay nakita ko, hindi po Barack Obama ang kanyang pangalan. Alam n’yo po kung ano? Gib Obama, Gibo Obama.”
– Pastor Apollo Quiboloy’s official statement when he announced his endorsement of presidential candidate Gilbert Teodoro || Good thing he said he saw the name, “Gibo Obama.” Akala ko ang nakita niya, “Gibo Loy.” Anyway, that was lame. That was crap. That was so Quiboloy.

“I am going to be a blessing to others.”
– Hayden Kho Jr. after the Pasig City RTC dismissed the sex video scandal case filed against him by actress Katrina Halili || ‘Blessing to others’ ba ‘ka mo?! Blessing mo’ng bay*g mo!

“Hindi nagka-strike yesterday. ‘Yong mga driver na-late po ang pagpasok. Karamihan ng driver ay walang cellphone, o kaya ang cellphone ay mahina ang baterya kaya pinapatay nila pagdating sa bahay. ‘Pag matutulog, pinapatay.”
– IMBOA president and former jukebox artist Claire de la Fuente denying that bus operators staged a transport holiday last Nov. 15 in protest of the number coding scheme | Hoy Claire! Oo, ikaw! Kung ang mga tax collector ng BIR, kaya mong paikutin ng ilang beses, kami… hindi! Sabi nga ni Melanie Marquez: You can fool me once. You can fool me twice. You can even fool me thrice. But you can never fool me four! Lowbatt your face!
“Justice and power must be brought together, so that whatever is just may be powerful, and whatever is powerful may be just.”
~Blaise Pascal


Top 5 Heroes
Top 5 Villains
Top 5 Biggest Duds of the Year
Top 5 “Pansinin N’yo Naman Ako!” Moments
“Eeew!” Photo of the Year
Awkward Moment of the Year
And a lot more! Abangan!

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Have a great week! Ingat!
Go #teamlakers #beattheheat

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