#RIP – PREDICTED EPITAPHS OF LOCAL POLITICAL FIGURES

Juan Ponce Enrile: Walang forever

IN OBSERVANCE of All Saints Day, here are the predicted epitaphs of famous political figures in the Philippines.

1. You’ve been warned.

1RIP Duterte

2. FYI: Death can be revoked.

2Trillanes

3. The girl who cried wolf

3Mocha Uson

4. Maang-maangan School of Acting

6Imee

5. Time has come.

5Mar

6. He died happy.

7Bong Go

7. A quiet place

8Alan Peter

8. He cannot move on.

4Bongbong

9. Transferred.

11Lapena

10. The boy with the dragon tattoo

13 pULONG

11. The fugitive presidential kumpare

17 pETER lIM

12. The Government Contractor

14 cALIDA

13. How did he die?

9Sotto

14. Ms. Senate Inquiry

10gRace Poe

15. A hard habit to break

18 lITO APID

16. Wish granted!

15 hARRY rOQUE

17. The (fake) doctor is in.

16 pERSIDA

18. Most Obedient

20 rAMON

19. Just Google the verse.

19 iMELDA

20. She just gave up.

12kRIS

21. Indeed!

21 eNRILE

22. An inconvenient truth.

22pIA

—————————————————————————————–
“Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.”
~William Shakespeare

1
Sound Bites
“Observers have compared Bolsonaro to U.S. President Donald Trump — both love stirring up controversy on social media and have harnessed populist sentiment, promising to clear their respective governments of corrupt political elites. But his approval of violence and extrajudicial killings makes him closer to the Philippines’ Rodrigo Duterte than to Trump.”
~Fortune on Brazil’s newly-elected leader

We feel you, thinking Brazilians.

I still am on Twitter: @HecklerForever8.

[Photos: Reuters / Gravestone Maker]

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ICYMI: SECOND OPINION

Members of the Cabinet erupted in cheers and congratulated the President. Suddenly, his liver spoke…

First published in the Philippine Daily Inquirer last October 14, 2018.

During a Cabinet meeting, President Duterte announced that the recent tests on his esophagus came back negative for cancer. Members of the Cabinet erupted in cheers and congratulated the President. Suddenly, his liver spoke, “Don’t celebrate just yet.”

The President and his family went on an unannounced trip to Hong Kong recently, apparently, to seek second opinion. The next day, Mr. Duterte got the confirmation: t-shirts and jackets cost less in Hong Kong.

___________

Chief Presidential Legal Counsel Salvador Panelo is replacing Harry Roque. He is now the President’s chief sanitary engineer.

___________

President Duterte revealed when outgoing presidential spokesman Harry Roque told him he wanted to resign, he replied, “Go ahead!” Breaking: Harry Roque’s heart.

___________

Harry Roque is currently in China for a private engagement. But he’ll be back tomorrow. He can’t wait to consult his family, talk to the President, and update his curriculum vitae.

___________

Alan Peter Cayetano has stepped down as foreign affairs secretary. Reports say he is seeking a congressional post, and wants to be Speaker. Oh, he probably misses it. He’s been very quiet for more than two years now.

___________

Former police chief Ronald ‘Bato’ de la Rosa, who is seeking a Senate seat, was recently quoted to have said, “Galit na galit ako sa gumagawa ng EJKs. Ang gumagawa niyan walang b****g!” When President Duterte heard this, he sought for a second opinion.

___________

Feuding half-brothers JV Ejercito and Jinggoy Estrada are both running for senator. But JV, who pushed for the passage of a bill banning political dynasties, believes it’s not acceptable to have two Estradas in the Senate. And the Cayetano siblings were like, “Okay lang ‘yun!”

___________

Folk artist and staunch Duterte supporter, Freddie Aguilar has filed his certificate of candidacy for senator. Aguilar is a cultural icon whose music we grew up listening to. I can’t wait to not vote for him in 2019.

___________

Anson Tuana, a 39-year-old senatorial aspirant, who also filed his COC, claimed he was an ex-boyfriend of resigned Assistant Presidential Communications Secretary Mocha Uson. A number of people actually believed Tuana’s claim saying ‘the customer is always right.’

Anson Tuana claimed he was an ex-boyfriend of Mocha Uson. Uson’s supporters say Tuana is a liar who spreads lies. To which, Tuana replied, “That’s exactly why we clicked.”

___________

In Makati City, siblings Junjun and Abby Binay are on a collision course as both have expressed interest in running for mayor next year. Taking a potshot at his sister’s “different” style of governance, Junjun says he carries the “Binay brand, the brand of governance that my father did for the people of Makati.” To which, the Makati City Hall Building II said, “I know, right?”

___________

The Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency (PDEA) says methamphetamine hydrochloride or shabu has “flooded” the streets of Metro Manila. When told about it, President Duterte ordered PDEA to take over the operations of the MMDA.

___________

Prices of basic commodities continue to rise but the cost of shabu has reportedly dropped by more than a third. This has prompted the President to revamp his economic team to include people from the Bureau of Customs.

___________

Former Assistant Presidential Communications Secretary Mocha Uson claims Communist rebels are to be blamed if she gets killed. The country is in crisis. We don’t have the luxury of fairy tales. Next issue please.

___________

Two persons allegedly won the more than one billion peso-Ultra Lotto 6/58 jackpot. To the administration candidates in next year’s elections, congratulations!
____________________________________________________________________________________
“It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong.”
~Thomas Sowell

Sound Bites
“Well, eventually, uod man magiging butterfly ulit so inggit ka lang, you’re stuck as an uod. Butterfly tayo!”
~Harry Roque during his GGV guesting

Pak!

Twitter: @hecklerforever8

[Photo: Philippine Star]

IMEE, MOVING ON AND MILLENNIALS

“Ibalik n’yo ang nakulimbat n’yo baka sakaling mag-move on kami.”

THE LATE PHILIPPINE dictator Ferdinand Marcos amassed up to 10 billion dollars while in office. During martial law, some 34,000 were tortured, more than 3,000 were killed, and almost 400 disappeared never to be seen again. The Marcoses never apologized for the atrocities of the regime. There have been reports they’re willing to return a “portion” of their ill-gotten wealth but this too turned out to be BS.

Earlier this week, Imee Marcos, the dictator’s daughter, was quoted to have said, “The millennials have moved on, and I think people at my age should also move on as well.”

Thinking Filipino millennials have spoken via social media. Here are some of their responses via Twitter.

1Chewbacca

1CommissionSurvey

1Boyfriend

1Bruha

1Chuckie

1Crimes

1Crush

1Destroyed

1DiGets

1Docu

1DontUs

1ExLang

1Fabricated

1Gaga

1HarryPotter

1HowBad

1Hugot

1Jeggings

1Killer

1Kinulimbat

1Manggago

1Narrative

1SomethingThere

1Suffer

1Tae

1Tanga

1Tapyas

1Tonta
___________________________________________________________________________________
“Win or lose, we go shopping after the election.”
~Imelda Marcos

Sound Bites
“Only in the Philippines could a leader like Ferdinand Marcos, who pillaged his country for over 20 years, still be considered for a national burial. Insignificant amounts of the loot have been recovered, yet his wife and children were allowed to return and engage in politics.”
~Lee Kwan Yew, former Prime Minister of Singapore

Amen.

I am still on Twitter: @hecklerforever8

#NasaanSiDuterte AND OTHER STORIES

Q: What do President Duterte and the 7-billion-peso shabu shipment have in common?

Answer:

A_1Shabu Filters-Rappler
A TON of shabu worth about 7 billion pesos was recently smuggled into the Philippines from Taiwan and China. Authorities couldn’t believe the boldness of the smugglers. The smugglers couldn’t believe the friendliness of this government.

The news came out last week but President Duterte has yet to speak about, much less, against the multibillion-peso shabu shipment. That’s natural though when you don’t want to offend friends.

Empty magnetic lifters which contained hundreds of kilos of shabu were traced in a warehouse in Cavite. Caviteños are hereby encouraged to ignore any advice that will come from Vice Gov. Jolo Revilla.

The Presidential Anti-Corruption Commission is investigating reports Customs people had conspired with the smugglers of the P7-B drug shipment. The PACC will not rush to judgment though. It vows to exercise fairness and follow this government’s procedure in handling corrupt officials: 1: Investigate 2: File a case 3: Dismiss case 4: Reappoint.

#NasaanSiDuterte
Amid the latest calamity to hit the metro, the hashtag #NasaanSiDuterte trended on Twitter on Sunday. Netizens have been asking about President Duterte’s whereabouts. Since Thursday, not much has been heard from him – which is probably the best thing that ever happened in recent weeks.

1MarikinaABSCBN News.jpg

Q: What do President Duterte and the 7-billion-peso shabu shipment have in common?
A: Both are missing.

Thinkers
Finance Chief Carlos Dominguez III and Socioeconomic Planning Secretary Ernesto Pernia have both spoken against the proposed shift to the federal system of government. Dominguez and Pernia are both economic managers. They are both trusted men of Duterte. And both are gonna be jobless soon (probably).

Palace spokesman Harry Roque was quoted to have said, “I think there’s a 100 percent agreement that we’re (Cabinet) pushing for federalism.” Now that’s a shocker. Harry Roque “thinks?!”

1HunSen
Fake News
Someone hacked into the official Facebook page of Cambodian Prime Minister Hun Sen and posted fake information. Poor hackers! In the Philippines, people are even paid to post fake information on, about and for the President.

Social Media
A neuroscientist says social media is making people behave like three-year-olds. Duterte is not into social media. So, how do you explain his behavior?

Duterte Update:
It took a while before he reacted to the #NasaanSiDuterte question but Epal King, Bong Go told the media the President was “monitoring” the situation from Davao and Malacañang. “No worries. We’re fine,” replied the smugglers of the P7-B shabu shipment.
—————————————————————————————————————————-
“People are dying because of ignorance. They are dying because unremitting propaganda is denying them essential safety information. They are dying because the first casualty of war is truth, and the war on drugs is no different.”
~Dominic Milton Trott

Sound Bites
From forensic pathologist Raquel Fortun (Twitter):
1RFortun

Indeed!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Shabu Filters: Ben Nabong/Rappler; Fernando G. Sepe Jr., ABS-CBN News]

ANG PULIS AT ANG TAMBAY

Cop: Arestuhin ang mga ‘yan!

Guy: Sandali! Anong arestuhin?

Cop: ‘Wag ka nang magtanong! Utos ito ng Presidente!

1DeccanChr

Cop: Sumama kayo sa amin sa presinto!

Guy: At bakit kami sasama?

Cop: Nakatambay lang kayo!

Guy: Excuse me?!

Cop: Sabi ko mga tambay kayo! Wala kayong ginagawa!

Guy: Magdahan-dahan ka sa pananalita mo mamang pulis! Baka nakakalimutan mong nandito ka sa Presidential Communications Operations Office!

Cop: Kaya nga.

* * * * *

Cop: Pagdadamputin ang mga ‘yan!

Guy: Anong kasalanan namin?

Cop: Tambay kayo! Walang pakinabang sa inyo ang lipunan! ‘Yung iba sa inyo nagnanakaw pa!

Guy: ‘Tang ina ka ah. Pakiulit nga ang sinabi mo!

Cop: Grabe ka naman, Congressman, ‘di na mabiro. Sige po, aalis na kami.

* * * * *

Cop 1: Hoy mga tambay, sumama kayo sa amin!

Cop 2: Oo nga! Sumama kayo sa amin.

Cop 3: Matagal na kayong tambay dito!

Cop 4: Tama! Abuso na kayo!

Cop 1: O, bakit hindi kayo sumagot! Magsalita kayo!

Cop 2: Naku sir, hindi talaga sasagot ang mga ‘yan. Hindi nga pala sila nakakaintindi ng Tagalog.

Cop 1: Radyuhan mo ang Coast Guard. Sabihin mo, magpadala ng interpreter dito sa Scarborough Shoal.

* * * * *

Cop: Hulihin ang mga ‘yan. Posasan! Dalhin sa presinto!

Guy: Teka lang sir. Anong kaso namin?

Cop: Mga tambay kayo!

Guy: Ano?! Nasa loob kami ng bahay eh. Paanong ‘di kami tatambay?!?

Cop: Basta! Sumama na lang kayo sa amin! Utos ‘yan ni Presidente.

Guy: Sir, ilegal ang ginagawa n’yo! Wala kami sa daan.

Cop: ‘Pag sinabi kong tambay kayo, tambay kayo!

Guy: Sir, may CCTV sa tapat. Magpapatunay ‘yan na hindi kami tambay.

Cop: Ba’t ngayon mo lang sinabi?!? Pumasok na kayo sa bahay. Baka masagasaan kayo rito. We care for your safety.

* * * * *

Cop: Damputin ang mga ‘yan!

Guy: Teka lang, sir. Anong kaso namin?

Cop: Wala. Sabi lang ni Presidente, arestuhin ang mga tambay.

Guy: Kahit walang kaso aarestuhin n’yo kesyo sinabi ng Presidente n’yo?!

Cop: Sumusunod lang kami sa utos!

Guy: Eh kung utusan kayong kumain ng tae, gagawin n’yo?

Cop: Siyempre, hindi. Magtatanong muna kami!

Guy:

Cop: Itatanong namin kung kakamayin ba o kukutsarahin. Mabuti nang sure. Eh kung mapanis?!

* * * * *

Cop: Arestuhin ang mga ‘yan!

Guy: Sandali! Anong arestuhin?

Cop: ‘Wag ka nang magtanong! Utos ito ng Presidente!

Guy: Hoy! Nabasa mo na ba ang headline ngayon? Heto: itinanggi ni Duterte na nag-utos siyang arestuhin ang mga tambay.

1Tambay1

Cop: Kahapon pa ‘yan. Mamaya o bukas, magbabago na naman ‘yan ng statement.

Guy: Sabagay. May point ka, sir.

Cop: Arestado ka pa rin! Sa presinto ka na magsipsip.

* * * * *

Cop: Hulihin ang tambay na ‘yan!

Guy: Teka lang! Bakit n’yo ako aarestuhin?!

Cop: Utos ng Presidente eh!

Guy: Para ano? Isasama sa presinto, bubugbugin kapag nangatwiran tapos papatayin? At kapag nagtanong ang media, sasabihing may sayad kaya sinaktan ang sarili at tuluyang nag-suicide? Tapos kapag nabistong gawa-gawa ang kwento, sasabihin n’yo kinuyog ng kapwa inmates? At kapag pinagdudahan pa rin at hiningi ang CCTV, sasabihin, ‘di ito gumagana nang oras na mapatay? HOY, MGA PULIS. KILALA KO NA KAYO! KILALANG-KILALA NA NAMIN KAYO! #WagKami

Cop: Kupal ka! Ang dami mong daldal. Hindi tuloy kami maka-quota! Sa ibang bahay na nga lang kami hahanap ng tambay. Leche ka!

* * * * *

Cop 1: Arestuhin ‘yan!

Guy: Teka lang mga sir. Anong kaso ko?

Cop 2: Wala naman. Tambay ka lang.

Cop 3: ‘Tsaka utos ito ni Presidente.

Guy: Pwes, pakisabi sa presidente n’yo, kung sinuman siyang bobo siya na ‘di nakakaunawa sa batas, PUTANG INA N’YA! PUTANG INA TALAGA N’YA!

Cop 1:

Cop 2:

Cop 3:

Guy: Ano pang hinihintay n’yo? Posasan n’yo na ako. Tara na. Ang bagal.
________________________________________________________________________________
“You were put here to protect us. But who protects us from you?”
~KRS-One

1TambayArgon
Sound Bites
“Noong dinala sa district hospital sabi ko, bakit ganito ang sinapit ng kapatid ko, buong katawan niya magang-maga. Hinawakan ko ‘yung katawan niya. Ang tigas ng kapatid ko, parang kagabi pa nila pinatay. Binaboy n’yo po ‘yung kapatid ko. ‘Tapos sa sasabihin n’yo pa nagwala ang kapatid ko? Hindi na kayang magwala ng kapatid ko dahil simula’t sapul nanghihina na siya.”
~Marilou Argoncillo, sister of Genesis Argoncillo, 22, a ‘tambay’ who was arrested and then murdered inside a police station

This is on you, Rodrigo Duterte. You are evil.

FYI
0kkk

0kkk
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Deccan Chronicle; Rappler]

ROYAL WEDDING, BUHAY CARINDERIA, ATBP.

Celebrity A-listers, foreign royalty, religious figures as well as diplomats and politicians descended on Windsor for the royal occasion.

RW
PRINCE HARRY and Meghan Markle exchanged vows at St. George’s Church in Windsor Castle. It was a spectacle that unified much of the country. But that’s nothing compared to the spectacle that is Rodrigo Duterte who wants to unify China and this country.

After the ceremony, Queen Elizabeth hosted a lunchtime reception at St. George’s Hall. The catering contract was apparently awarded to the Tulfo brothers through the help of Wanda Tulfo-Teo.

Later that night, the groom’s father, Prince Charles hosted a simpler yet elegant and more intimate dinner at nearby Frogmore House. But Charles was so frugal, food was served by Cesar Montano’s Buhay Carinderia clients – fully paid months before the event.

Celebrity A-listers, foreign royalty, religious figures as well as diplomats and politicians descended on Windsor for the royal occasion. Many people described the ceremony a “fairy tale wedding.” Kat De Castro described the event as “wrong timing.”

Reorganization
Speaking of fairy tales, Tito Sotto is going to be installed as Senate President soon. Let that sink in.

As its president, Tito Sotto says, he “will not allow the Senate to be degraded.” He forgot the word ‘further.’

Incoming Senate president Tito Sotto says, “I will not allow it to be degraded.” When sought for reaction, Manny Pacquiao said, “Hindi naman masakit.”

Updated 5.21.2018:
Tito Sotto has been elected Senate president. In his speech, Sotto said, “Ni sa panaginip ay hindi sumagi sa aking isipan na ako ay maluluklok bilang pangulo ng Senado.” In his defense, not even in our nightmares.

Bombers
Chinese long-range bombers have reportedly landed on the Paracel Islands in the South China Sea. Nearly all of the Philippines falls within the radius of the bombers. As of Sunday, May 20, Foreign Affairs Sec. Alan Peter Cayetano has not answered questions about the bombers. To be fair, Cayetano has finished drafting an official statement. He’s just seeking final approval from Beijing before releasing it.

PCGG
The Lower House voted to abolish the Presidential Commission on Good Government, the agency tasked to run after the Marcoses’ ill-gotten wealth. The PCGG’s functions will be transferred to the Office of Solicitor General Jose Calida, a known Marcos loyalist. Next up: the Lower House will target the abolition of the Dep’t. of Environment and Natural Resources and transfer its functions to the office of Cynthia and Manny Villar.

Saying it was long overdue, Imee Marcos insisted the PCGG should have been abolished “30 years ago.” Actually, the PCGG should have not been formed at all – if your thieving family did not pillage government coffers.

BPABS
Corruption
Newly-appointed Tourism secretary Bernadette Romulo-Puyat expressed shock over the alleged misuse of hundreds of millions of DOT funds by previous officials . When he heard this, Cesar Montano protested, “Correction please: hindi ako previous official!”

‘Buhay Carinderia’ is a video series aimed at promoting local food and eateries. Reports say the Tourism Promotions Board headed by chief operating officer Cesar Montano disbursed almost 90 percent of payment to the marketing agency although the project has not been completed. When it was exposed, Montano blamed Wanda Tulfo-Teo saying she pushed for the payment to her friend, Erlinda Legaspi, the agency’s owner. In a statement, Wanda Teo said, “I’m equally shocked. I didn’t know Erlinda is my friend.”

Updated 5.22.2010
Cesar Montano has resigned as chief operating officer of the Tourism Promotions Board. In his resignation letter, the actor thanked Duterte for giving him the opportunity to head the agency. With hundreds of millions of pesos at your disposal, who wouldn’t be thankful?

Attacked
In Balabac, Palawan, a fisherman saved his teenage son from a 15-feet long crocodile which attacked and bit him. Apparently, the son was preparing to go fishing alone when the animal attacked. The father was alerted when he heard his son yelling, “Saklolo! May taga-DOT dito! Saklolo!”
______________________________________________________________________________
“Whenever a man has cast a longing eye on offices, a rottenness begins in his conduct.”
~Thomas Jefferson

Sound Bites
“Hindi kayo pumasok ng gobyerno para mag-around the world.”
~Tourism Sec. Berna Romulo-Puyat to former DOT officials

Travel pa more.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Royal Wedding: Getty Images ; Berna Puyat:ABSCBN News]

SCHADENFREUDE

Bakit nga ba ang hirap makisimpatya sa mga pulitikong nalalagay sa alanganin?

Just imagine kung si House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez pa ang nahulog do’n. Baka nag-bonfire sa iba’t ibang universities nationwide.

SA MATA ng maraming frustrated at ngayo’y tumatawang Pinoy, ang mga nahulog sa nag-collapse na bridge sa Zamboanga ay hindi lang dalawang congressman. They represent every politician na sa tingin ng mga Filipino ay nagpapayaman lamang sa puwesto at pakitang-tao ang serbisyo.

Can you blame them? Bakit nga ba ang hirap makisimpatya sa mga pulitikong nalalagay sa alanganin?

Just imagine kung si House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez pa ang nahulog do’n. Baka nag-bonfire sa iba’t ibang universities nationwide. (Seriously though, we’re glad that no one was seriously hurt.)

With that, I’m reposting some of the meanest and outrageous Twitter reactions to the Zambo footbridge collapse.

morebridge

KarmaSlaps

FakeNewsPeople
MatinongTulay

repir

Impyerno

Builbuilbuild

ganti

JFLaughs

Kawawa

malalim

MediaMileage

Nahulogg

TatakPDP

Substandard

Aling Vicky
___________________________________________________________________________________________
“Anyone in a position of power is either corrupt or assumed to be corrupt, and the assumption of corruption is as bad as the reality of it.”
~Stanley A. McChrystal

Sound Bites
“Nahulog kami ng aking mga kasama sa tulay na nilalakaran namin papunta sa mga housing on stilts sa Brgy Rio Hondo, Zamboanga City. Ang kakulangan sa maintenance sa paggawa ng mga tulay at bahay ay napakadelikado para sa mga residente lalo na sa mga bata.”
~Negros Rep. Alfredo Abelardo ‘Albee’ Benitez, Survivor

‘k.

Schadenfrreude

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Video: GMA News]

EXCLUSIVE: SHARON INTERVIEWS DUTERTE

“Kumusta na ho si Pulong? Pardon my words but… gago pa rin ho ba?”

US PRESIDENT Donald Trump has declared April – “Sexual Assault Awareness Month.” In the Philippines, President Rodrigo Duterte is declaring May the “National Month Against Extrajudicial Killing.”

01MegadINNERBongGo
Mega Dinner
Sharon Cuneta, wife of Liberal Party president, Sen. Francis Pangilinan, recently dined with President Duterte at Malacañang. It was a much talked about meeting between a very famous, influential multimillionaire – and Sharon Cuneta.

Rumors say when Sharon Cuneta initially heard about the President’s dinner invitation, she excitedly asked Bong Go, “When? Where? What’s on the menu?”

While having dinner, Duterte and Cuneta even played a game. Sharon asked some questions and Duterte answered using the titles of his favorite Sharon Cuneta movies. Here is the full transcript:

SHARON: Noong nanalo po kayo bilang pangulo at naluklok sa palasyo, ano ang unang pumasok sa isip n’yo?

Duterte: Sana’y Wala Nang Wakas.

Napakalaki pong isyu ang pagpapakulong n’yo kay Senator De Lima. Sakali pong magkita ulit kayo, ano ang sasabihin n’yo sa kanya?

Babangon Ako’t Dudurugin Kita.

Palabiro ka talaga, Mr. President. Ano nga po palang pakiramdam n’yo kapag nakakarinig ng batikos mula sa ICC, UN at mga human rights groups?

Pasan Ko Ang Daigdig.

Ramdam ko nga po. Kumusta na ho si Pulong? Pardon my words but… gago pa rin ho ba?

Ngayon at Kailanman.

That’s sad.

‘Di Na Natuto.

Ang bad. Sa tingin n’yo ba magbabago pa siya?

Pagdating ng Panahon.

Hanga po ako sa closeness n’yo ni Sec. Bong Go. Para talaga kayong…

Magkapatid?

‘Yun nga po. Lagi kayong magkasama ‘no?

Oras-Oras, Araw-Araw.

Wow! Eh paano kung may magkasakit? Nasaan iyong isa?

Caregiver.

That’s really great. Samantalang kami ni Kiko, away-bati. Sa tingin n’yo po dapat ko na siyang hiwalayan?

Ikaw.

Sige po, pag-iisipan ko. May mga anak kami eh. Pero kung kayo ang tatanungin, sorry po, alam kong maraming problema ang Pilipinas, dapat na ba akong sumuko kung wala na akong nararamdaman?

Kahit Konting Pagtingin?!

Siyempre meron naman po Mr. President. But paano kung ‘di na ganun ang sinasabi ng utak ko?

Pati Ba Pintig ng Puso?

Minsan. Ay! Nag-o-overshare na ako. Pasensya na talaga Mr. President. Ang hirap kasi ng feeling na…

Biktima?

Medyo. Hayyyy, tama na nga. Baka sabihin nila napakadrama ko. Mabanggit ko lang Mr. President, nalulungkot ako kasi nag-“No!” sa reunion movie project namin si Gabby. Hoping pa naman akong matuloy ‘yon. Hayyyyyy. Ba’t kaya ganun?

Walang Karugtong ang Nakaraan.

Aray! Hindi naman po ako umaasa ng balikan. Diyos ko, ang tatanda na namin. Ang sa akin lang, kaunting pagpapahalaga naman sa pinagsamahan.

Dapat Ka Bang Mahalin?

Ouch. Ang sakit mo namang magsalita Sir! Come to think of it though, pagdating talaga sa love, lahat pantay-pantay ‘no? Mayaman man o mahirap, nabibigo.

Maging Sino Ka Man.

True. Speaking of love, grabe rin ang pagmamahal n’yo sa mga Marcos ‘no?

Kapantay ay Langit.

Pansin ko nga po – lalo na kay Bongbong na ongoing ang hiniling na recount. Hanggang saan po ang suporta n’yo sa isa’t isa?

Sa Hirap at Ginhawa.

Awww. Eh paano naman po ‘yong ‘di mamatay-matay na isyu ng pagnanakaw against the Marcoses?

Forgive and Forget.

I luveeeet! Sanga pala, ang laking isyu rin ng pag-welcome n’yo sa China. ’Yong pag-handle n’yo sa usapin ng mga isla natin, iniintriga. Ano bang policy natin when it comes to our islands?

Buy One, Take One.

Ayyy! Sige po, hindi na kita pagpapaliwanagin. Pero sure akong ‘di ‘yan gusto ng mga taga-Liberal. Malapit na ang eleksyon. ‘Di ba kayo nati-threaten sa Senate slate nila?

Bituing Walang Ningning.

Ang mean!!! Last na lang, any message Mr. President sa UN at sa International Criminal Court.

Bukas Luluhod ang mga Tala.

‘Yun na! Maraming salamat Mr. President. Sana nandiyan kayo lagi para sa aming lahat na nagmamahal sa ‘yo.

Kung Kailangan Mo Ako.

Talaga Sir?

Pangako Sa ‘Yo. Cross My Heart.

Sweeet! Sige, kain ka na Sir.

Tayong Dalawa. Ayan o, may lechon pa!

Awww! My Only Love!

-End of Interview-

Kiko
Sen. Kiko Pangilinan says the country needs “a strong opposition to ensure that our democracy remains vibrant.” But Pangilinan admits they may not be able to field a complete Senate slate next year. Heck, he can’t even get the support of his own wife.
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“You’re not to be so blind with patriotism that you can’t face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who does it or says it.”
~Malcolm X, ‘By Any Means Necessary’

Sound Bites
Resistance is our movement. We must vigorously resist the slide to authoritarianism and anti-democratic rule.”
~Sen. Kiko Pangilinan

True.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Bong Go]