THINKING OUT LOUD

PRESIDENT AQUINO’s approval and trust ratings dropped to their lowest levels since he assumed office in 2010. His numbers have fallen. Worse, ER Ejercito is making a movie about it.

Rappler
According to the latest Pulse Asia survey, President Aquino’s approval and trust ratings plunged to their lowest levels since 2010. Malacañang says the President will not issue a statement until he has read the full report, or at least until he figures out a way to blame this on former SAF chief Getulio Napeñas.

The March 2015 Pulse Asia survey showed President Aquino’s approval and trust ratings plummeted to their lowest levels since he was elected in 2010. The survey has a margin of error of plus or minus Alan Purisima.

Apology
Former president Fidel V. Ramos said President Aquino should “humbly and sincerely” apologize for the disastrous Mamasapano operation. According to Ramos, saying sorry “would probably do 90 percent of the job.” Leave the other 10 percent to Kris Aquino.

Memoir
In his memoir, FVR’s national security adviser Jose Almonte talked about the former president’s problem with a powerful woman named “Baby” – presumably, socialite Baby Arenas who had been romantically linked to Ramos. Reports say former First Lady Amelita ‘Ming’ Ramos referred to Arenas as “that woman.” Eventually though, Ramos was able to fix 90 percent of this problem by humbly and sincerely apologizing to Ming.

1JEThe Graduate
Detained senator Jinggoy Estrada was allowed to attend the high school graduation rites of his son at OB Montessori last Tuesday. An ecstatic Jinggoy said, “I’m so proud of him finishing school.” Filipino taxpayers added, “It was all worth it naman pala.”

Stressed
DILG Sec. Mar Roxas said UNA officials displayed “high school mentality” when they challenged him to serve the Ombudsman’s suspension order on Junjun Binay. The Makati mayor replied, “Roxas should show some maturity” and must not resort to name calling. Junjun added, “Like Roxas, we’re all undergoing a stressful situation but we rise above it.” It pays to have an elevator.

1Nancy
Ano kaya ang iniisip at gustong sabihin ng babae sa picture?
A: Pagpasensyahan n’yo na lang muna itong spaghetti. Hindi ako nakapag-bake today eh. Try ko bukas.
B: ‘Pansin ko lang, magkakakulay tayo. Hihihi Relate much. Kaya sa 2016, alam n’yo na!
C: Kung ‘yong boss n’yong si Mar Roxas, ginugutom kayo, ibahin n’yo kami. Go! Kain lang nang kain; may parating pang two-piece chicken.
D: May Instagram ba kayo? I-follow n’yo nga ako: @therealnancyb. ‘Tapos, pa-regram na lang ng picture na ito. #gandakohere #blackbeauty #infairnesstome #nofilter

1KP
Ano kaya ang iniisip at gustong sabihin ng dalawang lalaki sa picture?
A: Ako si – please state your name – wait lang. O, kayong mga kasama ni Vice Mayor Kid, smile naman kayo. Obvious na kinakabahan kayo sa ginagawa natin eh.
B: Ako si – Romulo ‘Kid’ Peña Jr. – ay nanunumpang… konting bilis lang Prosecutor, baka abutan tayo ng TRO.
C: Ako si – teka lang, na-distract ako sa cellphone sa harap ko. Ano bang unit ‘yan?
D: Ako si – Romulo ‘Kid’ Peña Jr. – sandali lang Prosecutor, tauhan n’yo ba ‘yong naka-shades sa likuran? Masama ang kutob ko d’yan eh. Paalisin n’yo nga muna.

1JJ
Ano kaya ang iniisip at gustong sabihin ng lalaking nakangiti sa picture?
A: Hihihi Akala nila, makakaisa sila huh! Pa-oath-oath taking pa kayo d’yan. O, gago. Uwiii!
B: Sandali lang po. Wait lang. Lahat mabibigyan. Walang uuwing luhaan. Pila lang po para ‘di magulo.
C: Maraming salamat po sa inyong lahat! Paalala lang po, magtatapos ang bisa ng TRO after 60 days. Isa lang ang ibig sabihin n’yan. After 60 days, kitakits ulit tayong lahat dito! Free Jolllibee ulit! I love you!
D: Kalma lang girls, kalma lang. O, ha! Akala n’yo si Enrique Gil ‘to ‘no? Nagkakamali kayo. Ako nga pala ang lalaking nagpatibok sa puso ni Beyonce… ang nag-iisang Jay-Z na naniniwala sa kasabihang: Nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa taxpayers ang gawa, nasa amin ang biyaya. Jooooooooke! Nagbibiro lang po. Thank you!

New Policy
Facebook has announced that it will now prevent people from promoting hate speech on its site. Facebook will not allow posts that offend, threaten, or insult groups based on race, religion, sexual orientation, disability, nationality, or extreme devotion to KathNiel or Chicser.

Rappler
Pia and Noy
Reports say President Aquino is dating newly-crowned Bb. Pilipinas Universe, Pia Wurtzbach. Why not? Pia is well-bred, the President is well-bred. Pia is single, the President is single. Pia is gorgeous, the President is single. Let’s give them a chance.
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“It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.”
~Mahatma Gandhi

RapplerSound Bites
“Saying ‘I’m sorry’ humbly and sincerely would probably do 90 percent of the job. What’s so difficult about that?”
~Former President Fidel V. Ramos to President Aquino

Peace!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Purisima/Aquino: Rappler; Jinggoy/Graduation: Interaksyon; Junjun and Nancy Binay: Interaksyon; Kid Peña: GMA Network; Ramos and Pia Wurtzbach: Rappler]

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STAY WITH ME

1pop1
AS POPE FRANCIS marked the second anniversary of his election as pope last Friday, March 13, he predicted that his papacy would be short: 4-5 years. But his worried supporters say he should finish his term because they do not trust his potential successor: Cardinal Binay.

According to Pope Francis, he doesn’t have any plans of staying in office for life. To which the Binays reacted, “Pwede pala ‘yon?”

1JunPreventive Suspension
The Ombudsman has placed under preventive suspension Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay and several other Makati officials. DILG representatives who will serve the suspension order in Makati City Hall have been advised to stay calm, exercise restraint, and use the elevator at their own risk.

DILG representatives who will serve the Ombudsman’s suspension order have been told to coordinate with Makati City officials to avoid a “misencounter.” But when asked if authorities serving the suspension order would be allowed in, Binay spokesman Joey Salgado said, “No.” That’s BBL in effect right now in Makati: Binay Basic Law.

Hundreds of Binay supporters gathered in front of the city hall to show their love and support for their embattled mayor. Reports say the loyalists were given free drinks and free fast food – which explains the rumored change in Binay’s campaign slogan – from “Kay Binay gaganda ang buhay” to “Gusto ko happy meal ka!”

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Binay loyalists remain gathered at the quadrangle of the Makati City Hall. There’s free film showing, free Zumba lessons, and of course, free fast food. The gathering of hundreds of Binay supporters elated the Vice President, his whole family, and the nearest branch of Jollibee.

Some online comments on what’s happening in Makati City are getting personal. Netizens are calling Mayor Junjun Binay names like Kuhol – which I believe is totally unfair. Kuhol is way, way funnier.

Mayor Binay’s spokesman said the gathering of Junjun’s supporters was initiated by local leaders. City councilors coordinated with barangay chairmen who then gave instructions to the barangay kagawads and their constituents resulting in peaceful, orderly activities. That’s what happens, Mr. President when you follow the chain of command.

1Untitled

Chain of Command
The Board of Inquiry’s Mamasapano report found that President Aquino violated the PNP’s chain of command. But Malacañang said the President could have clarified some points if only the BOI sent an official request. Palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda insists, “The chain of command rule applies only within the PNP.” And Justice Sec. Leila De Lima adds President Aquino “is not the Commander in Chief of the PNP” under the 1987 Constitution, which specifically states that, “The President is in fact the Pope. He is infallible.”

Statement Shirts
Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle urges Roman Catholics to wear a ‘Huwag Kang Magnakaw” shirt during the Visita Iglesia this coming Holy Week. Or to be more specific, wear a ‘Huwag Kang Mayor,’ ‘Huwag Kang Senador’ or ‘Huwag Kang Congressman’ shirt.

Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle urges Catholics to wear a ‘Huwag Kang Magnakaw’ shirt this Holy Week. Some politicians took offense and vowed to wear a ‘Huwag Kayong Tumanggap ng Donasyon Mula Sa Amin’ shirt.

1Junjun

Success!
A team of South African surgeons has performed the first successful penis transplant. When the surgeons were congratulated for the historic penis operation, they said, “Wala ‘yon. Maliit na bagay.”
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“We have, I fear, confused power with greatness.”
~Stewart Udall

Sound Bites
“We stand firm that these are all part of Operation Nognog and this is just politically motivated. This is about the 2016 elections.”
~Junjun Binay

“The real reason that Mayor Binay refuses to leave his post is because they are still doctoring the documents to hide the money they stole from Makati.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes

Have a great week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Pope Francis: ABC News; Makati: Richard Reyes/PDI; Junjun Binay: PhilStar.Com; Roxas: Manny Palmero/ABSCBNNews; CNN)

WEIRD, DIFFERENT

1xs
THE 87th ACADEMY AWARDS were held Monday morning (Manila time). The biggest winner was the film ‘Birdman,’ a black comedy. ‘Birdman’ tells the story of a man famous for portraying an iconic superhero who has lost his luster. His critics are now calling for his resignation and the formation of a transitional council.

1xs
Eddie Redmayne won the Best Actor Oscar for his compelling performance in the biopic ‘The Theory of Everything.’ It’s about an intelligent man’s physical decline, personal struggles, and the collapse of his marriage. But enough about Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile. We should talk about Stephen Hawking instead.

Graham Moore won the Best Adapted Screenplay award for ‘The Imitation Game,’ another biopic. Moore delivered one of the night’s most memorable acceptance speeches. Growing up, he said, he felt weird and he felt different. Now, he’s an Oscar winner. His advice to people was to, “Stay weird, stay different.” Not to be confused with President Aquino’s philosophy in life: “Stay weird, stay indifferent.”

1xsSuperbout
The superbout between undefeated Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Manny Pacquiao will take place in Las Vegas, Nevada on May 2nd. To prepare for the fight, Pacquiao will take a leave from his TV program and the PBA. However, Pacquiao cannot be absent from Congress because he was never even there in the first place.

Manny Pacquiao will slug it out with undefeated American Floyd Mayweather Jr. in Las Vegas on May 2. Mayweather will definitely be Pacquiao’s toughest opponent yet since Kim Henares.

1RevGotcha!
Bong Revilla strongly denied reports that he left his detention cell at the PNP Custodial Center to attend the birthday party of Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile recently. Unfortunately for Revilla, two photos of him and his sons at the party have surfaced, and Manila Bulletin columnist, Milwida Guevara, a faculty member at the Ateneo De Manila University claimed to have seen him at the celebration. In totally unrelated item, you can’t spell ‘Revilla’ without ‘liar.’

According to Bong Revilla, reports that he was present at the birthday celebration of Senator Enrile were “baseless, malicious and outright lies.” To which, the above photo replied, “Huling-huli na! Nagdi-deny pa! Eh ‘di wow!”

Napoles Hurt
Reports say pork barrel scam queen Janet Lim-Napoles has asked the Sandiganbayan to prevent the release of her new mug shots because she’s been hurt by comments on the Internet particularly, on social media. Which begs the question, “Why does she have access to the Internet and social media?”

1xsMars One Program
From a field of more than 200,000 candidates, two Filipinas made it to Mars One project’s shortlist of people who wanted to travel to planet Mars. The two Filipinas aced the second round of interviews in which two simple questions were asked: “Are you nuts?” and “What the hell are you thinking?”

New Planet
Scientists have reportedly discovered a rare planet with extreme seasons. It is called Planet Women.

Extremes
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration said January 2015 was the second warmest January ever. While February, the month of love has always been the coldest.

1xsXian vs. Salceda
Albay Governor Joey Salceda lashed out at Xian Lim for his alleged rude behavior when he was invited as guest in the province recently. Lim who reportedly refused to wear an Albay tourism promo shirt said, “I’m not here to promote Albay.” Also, Lim was said to be aloof and very cold to Salceda’s staff. Still, Salceda and his staff were lucky they were with Xian only for a day. Imagine what Kim Chiu has to contend with almost everyday.

The governor of Albay, Joey Salceda had a public tiff with Xian Lim. As we all know, Salceda and Xian are very different. One is a feisty, single, hardworking, and respected individual who has been rumored to be gay, and the other one is a governor.
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“They laugh at me because I’m different; I laugh at them because they’re all the same.”
~Kurt Cobain

1GMSound Bites
“I tried to commit suicide at 16 and now I’m standing here. I would like for this moment to be for that kid out there who feels like she doesn’t fit in anywhere. You do. Stay weird. Stay different, and then when it’s your turn and you are standing on this stage please pass the same message along.”
~Graham Moore, Winner, Best Adapted Screenplay for ‘The Imitation Game’ – 87th Academy Awards

Peace!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Getty Images: Birdman and Redmayne; Pacquiao/Mayweather: Daily News UK; Bong Revilla: Inquirer.Net; Mars One; Xian/Salceda: Inquirer.Net; Graham Moore: Hitfix.Com]

BUCKETS AND TRAINS

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DOTC SECRETARY Joseph Emilio Abaya took an MRT ride last week from Ortigas to North EDSA station around 1PM, an off-peak hour and on the first coach reserved for women, children, the disabled, and the elderly. For trumpeting that it was “a pleasant ride” which he enjoyed, Mr. Secretary got flak from the public. Abaya quickly denied he was insulting the intelligence of commuters. Yeah. He just assumed they didn’t have any.

During an off-peak hour, DOTC Secretary Joseph Abaya and his bodyguards took an MRT ride last week on the first coach reserved for women, children, the disabled, and the elderly. The train-riding public railed against it.

1PA
Deputy presidential spokesman Abigail Valte also took the MRT Rush Hour Challenge Monday morning. She stood in line for 37 long minutes — which was nothing compared to the time she spends every morning standing in front of the mirror.

According to deputy presidential spokesman Abigail Valte, presidential spokesman Edwin Lacierda was with her when she took that train ride Monday morning. Apparently, Lacierda did not upload even a single photo of him while taking the MRT Rush Hour Challenge – totally depriving netizens of a good material for memes.

Senate Hearing
These days, MRT officials say, train riders wait in line for at least 30 minutes before they could get a ride. Or 30 seconds if their name is Joseph Emilio Abaya.

In today’s Senate hearing, MRT officials say part of the proposed rehab plan is the installation of free wi-fi at MRT-3 so that commuters waiting for trains can use their gadgets. The proposal was lauded by gamers, Internet addicts, and thieves.

1MCORRMakati City Hall 2
Senators and valuation experts conducted an ocular inspection of the controversial and allegedly overpriced Makati City Hall 2 building in Makati City Monday morning. Before the senators arrived, some Makati residents gathered in front of the building to show their support for the Binays. One resident held a placard that said, “Walang corrupt sa Makati.” In totally unrelated news, wala na raw Katoliko sa Vatican City.

Unfriend
Makati City Rep. Abby Binay says her erstwhile close pal, Taguig City Mayor Lani Cayetano has “unfriended” her on Facebook. And things got worse between the two camps when Vice President Binay accessed the late senator Rene Cayetano’s old Friendster account and deleted his testimonial.

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Congresswoman Abby Binay says Mayor Lani Cayetano has “unfriended” her on Facebook. Despite this development, Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano has no plans of unfriending Sen. Nancy Binay because he subscribes to the dictum, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

Book 2
Almost two years after the release of his memoirs, suspended senator Juan Ponce Enrile is reportedly writing a second book. Critics expect the book to top the Bestsellers List – Fiction category.

1FD#IceBucketChallenge
Sen. Franklin Drilon took the Ice Bucket Challenge in the Senate Monday. Although he accepted the challenge, he vowed to still donate a portion of his huge DAP allocation to charity.

On Monday morning, buckets of water were poured over the head of Sen. Franklin Drilon as he took the Ice Bucket Challenge. Moments later, Maynilad warned its customers of a looming water supply shortage.

Senator Drilon accepted the Ice Bucket Challenge to raise awareness on the importance of water conservation.

1Mega Move
Actress Sharon Cuneta has decided to terminate her billion-peso contract with TV5. Reports say the Megastar was happy with her decision – but TV5 was happier.

Three years after signing a five-year [rumored] billion-peso contract with TV5, actress Sharon Cuneta has severed ties with the Kapatid Network. Sources say it wasn’t an easy decision. The Megastar will leave the network with a heavy heart, hips, arms, and thighs.
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“Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.”
~Mark Twain

Sound Bites
“Ang tanong ko lang d’yan, by riding the train or in fact mag-ice challenge ako sa MRT 3 train na rush hour, do I solve the problem by doing that? Do I?”
~DOTC Sec. Joseph Emilio Abaya

Poll Results
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Have a great September!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: 24Oras, @Abi_Valte, ANC, ABS-CBN News, GMA News/Benjie Castro, TV5]

FAMILY AFFAIR

SENATOR KOKO PIMENTEL guested on the comedy show ‘Gandang Gabi Vice’ last Sunday. The re-electionist senator sang a Billy Joel hit and gamely performed the latest dance craze – PSY’s hit single Oppa Gangnam Style Mo Bulok!

During the interview, Senator Koko Pimentel revealed that he’s a Math major in college. In fact he taught us a math lesson that evening: Popular TV Show + Song and Dance Number + 2013 Elections = Alam Na!

Ex-future Senator Joel
TESDA Director General Joel Villanueva has dropped his plan to run for senator next year. But the former party-list solon who ranked 24th–32nd in the latest SWS senatorial survey said, “Even if I was in the Top 12 Survey, it wouldn’t affect my decision.” And President Aquino was like, “LP’s decision!”

Dynasty
If recent surveys are any indication, starting next year, the Senate will have two Cayetanos, two Estradas, and two Enriles. And that’s too much!

Next year, there will be two Cayetanos, two Estradas, and two Enriles in the Senate. How do you explain such travesty to the little children?

The theme of the Philippine Senate starting next year is “Sama-Sama Sa Senado Pamilyang Pilipino.”

Cam Sur
One of Bicol’s political dynasties, the Villafuertes are still feuding. The senior Villafuerte wants to divide Camarines Sur; the junior Villafuerte wants to keep it intact. I didn’t know they own the province.

Pacquiao
Manny Pacquiao will be the official Congressional candidate in Sarangani of the United Nationalists Alliance or UNA next year. Pacquiao, who first ran as a Liberal in 2007, became a member of Gloria Arroyo’s Kampi in 2008, and later, pledged allegiance to Manny Villar’s Nacionalista Party for the 2010 polls. He then announced his plans to join President Aquino’s Liberal Party. Last April, he formally took his oath as a member of Vice President Binay’s PDP-Laban. Pacquiao is definitely channeling his inner Muhammad Ali. You know, “float like a butterfly.”

LP 2013
Have you seen the Liberal Party slate for next year’s 2013 midterm elections? It’s everything but Liberal!

Colegio San Agustin
Did you hear the news about the gun-toting incident at Colegio San Agustin? Here’s a backgrounder: Boy 1 repeatedly bullied Boy 2. Boy 2 thought he’s had enough, retaliated and stabbed Boy 1 with a pen. Then came the bully’s father, Allan Bantiles who stormed the school premises, confronted and slapped the 16-year-old bullying victim and pointed a .45 caliber at him. The incident happened last month but the police has yet to charge the suspect. In other news, Colegio San Agustin has just been declared “The Most Gun-Friendly School” in the metro. Congratulations!

Gun-toting suspect Allan Bantiles has declined to grant media interviews and refused to face journalists. Unless the journalist is 16-years-old.

SWS Survey
According to the latest Social Weather Stations survey, fewer Filipinos think that they are poor. Sus, gutom lang ‘yan.

Not Showing
Several groups have asked the government to ban the public exhibition of the controversial film “Innocence of Muslims,” which, they described as offensive. I hope they do the same thing to the movies of Mikey Arroyo and Manny Pacquiao.

Jesus!
According to reports, a fragment of a faded papyrus from the fourth century suggests Jesus Christ may have been married. And the best way to validate the claim is to gather first-hand information. Let’s ask Senator Enrile.
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“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s needs, but not every man’s greed.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi

Quote of the Day
“Matapos ang buwang pagluhod sa pananalangin, pag-aayuno, at maging pakikipag-ugnayan ko sa aking kababayan, buong pagpapakumbabang nagdesisyon po ako na manatili sa gabinete ni Pangulong Aquino at ituloy ang pagsisilbi sa bayan.”
~TESDA Director General Joel Villanueva

Personal
Congratulations to the UP Pep Squad! You’ve made 8 happen! Woohoo!!!

Have a safe and productive week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.