WANTED: RUNNING MATE

Ano ang masasabi mo sa alegasyong nagpayaman si Vice President Binay noong mayor pa siya ng Makati?

1PBR
OPPOSITION COALITION UNA has reportedly begun screening potential candidates for vice president. This, after Sen. Grace Poe and Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte rejected a possible team up with Vice President Binay in 2016.

A written test for interested applicants was leaked online. Here’s a copy of the sample questionnaire.

UNA sa balota!
UNA sa paglilingkod sa masa!

Applicant No. _____

Buong Pangalan: ________________________
Edad: _______
Sex:
[ ] Twice a week [ ] Male [ ] Female
[ ] It’s Complicated [ ] Walang kasarian ang paglilingkod!

May secret bank account sa (markahan lahat na posibleng sagot):
[ ] Switzerland [ ] Cayman Islands [ ] British Virgin Islands
[ ] Others _________________ [ ] Ulol! Wala ako n’yan!

Dating Partidong Kinaaaniban: _____________________
Dahilan ng Pagkalas:
[ ] Wala silang pera
[ ] Wala silang tsansang manalo
[ ] Balimbing lang talaga
[ ] Prinsipyo! (Jooooke!)

Vice-President-Jejomar-Binay
Layunin ng Pagsusulit:
Gaano mo kakilala si Vice President Binay? Karapat-dapat ka bang maging running mate niya? Gaano kalaki ang tiwala mo sa kanya at sa partidong kanyang pinamumunuan? Maaasahan ba namin ang iyong katapatan sa UNA?

Ikaw ay may sampung minuto upang tapusin ang pagsusulit na ito. Start!

1: Bakit gusto mong tumakbo bilang running mate ni Vice President Binay?
A: Naniniwala ako sa kakayahan niyang pamunuan ang bansa.
B: Wala akong masyadong pondo para sa kampanya. At least siya, meron na.
C: Kung mananalo kaming pareho ‘tapos mai-impeach siya in two or three years, #AlamNa.

1B
2: Noong 2010 elections, sumikat ang linyang, “Ang kandidato ko, may B. Ang kandidato mo ba, meron din?” Ano ang ibig sabihin ng B?
A: Baloloy
B: Billions
C: Binay

3: Ano ang masasabi mo sa alegasyong nagpayaman si Vice President Binay noong mayor pa siya ng Makati?
A: Sorry, the number you have dialled is either unattended or out of coverage area. Please try your call later.
B: Pinupulitika lamang siya ng mga kalaban.
C: Can I use a lifeline?

1ct
4: Kung totoong tagahanga ka ni Vice President Binay, dapat nasusubaybayan mo ang kanyang buhay. Tanong: ilang taon nang nakaupo sa city hall ang kanyang pamilya?
A: 29 years
B: 1000 years
C: (Hashtag) #MayForever

5: Alin ang mas mahalaga: kandidatong may karanasan o kandidatong tapat?
A: Thank you so much sir for that wonderful question. Good evening ladies and gentlemen, good evening Makati! You know what sir, in my 50 years of existence, I can say that there is nothing major, major, I mean issue against experienced leaders. Because I’m very confident of VP Binay and the love that he gives me and the people of Makati. So thank God that Binay is here. Thank you. Thank you so much.
B: Alam ko kung ano ang pinupuntirya ng tanong mo: Binay or Poe. May choice ba ako?
C: Karanasan saan? Please elaborate.

1PDIpoor
6: Kumpletuhin ang very catchy jingle ng ating mahal na bise presidente: “Kay Binay gaganda ang _______.”
A: buhay
B: building
C: bigay

7: Vice President Binay, former Makati City Mayor Elenita Binay, Sen. Nancy Binay, Cong. Abigail Binay, and Mayor Junjun Binay. Ano ang stand mo sa isyu ng political dynasty?
A: Walang political dynasty! Ang political dynasty ay nasa puso ng tao, nasa puso nating lahat. Walang political dynasty!
B: Ano bang masama sa sama-samang paglilingkod sa taumbayan? Fault ba nila kung suportado sila ng mga taga-Makati? Kasalanan ba nila kung tuwing eleksyon ay sila lamang ang nananalo? Masisisi ba natin ang pamilyang ‘yan kung suportado sila ng mga maralitang taga-lunsod? Oust Noynoy!
C: Ayaw ko munang sagutin ang tanong na ‘yan. Baka ‘di ako mapiling running mate eh, mahirap na. Next question please.

1B
8: Ano ang ibig sabihin ng N sa acronym na UNA?
A: Nationalist
B: Nognog
C: Nakaw

9: Ang iginagalang nating pangalawang pangulo ay national president din ng isang grupo ng kapuri-puring mga kabataan na dedicated sa kanilang ginagawa. Anong grupo ito?
A: El Gamma Penumbra
B: Boy Scouts of the Philippines
C: Directioners

10: Kung hindi ka mapipiling running mate ng ating mahal na bise presidente sa 2016, sino sa tingin mo ang dapat maging VP candidate ng UNA?
A: Si Gerry Limlingan. Ilang buwan na niyang pinatutunayang never niyang ilalaglag si VP Binay. Super loyal siya.
B: Si Dr. Elenita Binay – para magtala siya ng record bilang kauna-unahang concurrent First Lady at bise presidente ng bansa. Binay-Binay! For the win sa 2016!
C: Si Noynoy Aquino. Opposites attract ‘di ba kaya perfect tandem sila: Inexperienced si Noynoy; experienced si VP; Bagong dugo si Noynoy, beterano si VP; hindi nagnanakaw si Noynoy, beterano si VP.

indexBonus Question
Sa pelikulang ‘Paano Ba Ang Mangarap’ nina Vilma Santos at Christopher De Leon, anong pangalan ang paulit-ulit na binanggit ng hysterical na si Ate Vi? Heto ang bahagi ng linya niya: “Wala akong pakialam! Ibalik mo sa akin si ________. Ibalik mo sa akin ang anak ko! Ibalik mo sa akin si ________. Ahhhhhhhh!” [Nahulog sa hagdan]
A: Jojo
B: Nancy
C: Junjun

Congratulations! Ang iyong pagsusulit ay nagtatapos dito. Hintayin ang tawag ng partido kung ikaw ay uusad sa ikalawang bahagi ng screening: ang panel interview. Again, don’t call us. We’ll call you.

Good luck at maraming salamat sa iyong pagtitiwala kay Vice President Binay at sa ating partido.
UNA sa balota!
UNA sa paglilingkod sa masa!
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“The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, “How is the president?”
~ Will Rogers

july-6_rodSound Bites
“’Pag ako ang presidente, I will warn you I do not covet the position. ‘Pag naging presidente ako, magtago na kayo. ‘Yung 1,000 na ‘yan it would reach 50,000. I will kill all you [expletive] breaking the life of the Filipino miserable. Papatayin ko talaga kayo. D’yan mo makita tataba ‘yung isda sa Manila Bay. D’yan ko kayo itatapon.””
~Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte

Stay safe. Always.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Binay 1: GMA News; Binay2: PhilStar.Com; Makati City Hall: Christian Bederico on Flickr; Makati poverty: Inquirer.net; Duterte: @mikevchua]

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SHOTS FIRED

IN AN APPARENT DIG at senator Grace Poe, Vice President Binay says the country needs leaders with “experience and competence.”

1PBR
IN AN APPARENT DIG at senator Grace Poe, Vice President Binay says the country needs leaders with “experience and competence.” Which begs the question, “Why did you let Nancy run?”

“Honest”
Reacting to Vice President Binay’s statement, neophyte senator Grace Poe says it is also important to have “honest leaders.” The Vice President and his UNA spokespersons have yet to respond. Rumors say they’re busy looking up the meaning of the word “honest” in the dictionary – which, some people believe is not in their vocabulary.

Poe-Roxas
Some members of the ruling Liberal Party are reportedly open to the possibility of Mar Roxas sliding down to run for vice president again. There’s no word yet from Korina Sanchez if she’s open to the possibility of becoming an ex-future first lady again.

1ERPoe-Escudero
While LP stalwarts are pushing for a Poe-Roxas tandem, other LP members wanted a Poe-Escudero ticket. Everybody wants to run with Poe. And the party is obviously divided. In contrast, there’s nothing but harmony within the Binay camp. There’s no first choice or second choice for a running mate. Nobody wants to run with the Vice President.

Rematch?
If Mar Roxas decides to run for president, it will be a rematch of sorts between him and Jojo Binay in 2016. If you would recall, Roxas lost to Binay in 2010. Even Compubox scores showed Binay winning. Roxas would later admit in a press con that he was in pain and was actually hurting when he fought Binay. During the campaign, he sustained an injury called ‘NoyBititis.’

The Good Wife
Reports say former Makati City mayor Elenita Binay wants his husband, Vice President Binay to drop his bid for president. In other news, Mrs. Binay will appear as guest on “Celebrity Bluff.”

1ERHeat Index
The weather bureau cautions Metro Manila residents as they face another scorching week. It’s so hot these days, Makati City Hall employees had to gather beside filing cabinets where building contracts and other controversial deals were kept – just to be near something shady.

Heat Index II
The heat index is a measure of human comfort or discomfort due to the combined effects of heat and allegations of graft and corruption.

SALN
The net worth of each senator has been made public. It was based on the 2013 Statement of Assets and Liabilities. Otherwise known as Fiction Writing 101.

Richest
Sen. Cynthia Villar is the richest and only billionaire member of the Senate. She owns subdivisions, buildings, businesses, villages, and Manny Villar.

Jinggoy Estrada and Bong Revilla who are both facing plunder charges are the fourth and fifth richest members of the Senate. According to their SALN, the two senators’ total net worth was 375 million pesos. To which, taxpayers said, “You’re welcome.”

1ERFeminist?
[Have you seen Mad Max: Fury Road? You should!] A popular “men’s rights activist” blog is calling for a boycott of Mad Max: Fury Road saying the high-octane, post-apocalyptic action flick promotes feminist agenda. Which explains the movie’s working title: America’s Next Top Model – Cycle 22.

Going Local
Citing criticisms hurled at MJ Lastimosa’s Colombian-made gown in the 2014 Miss Universe pageant, Parañaque City Representative Eric Olivarez filed a bill seeking to require Filipino beauty queens to wear gowns created by local designers when competing in international pageants. In his bill, the congressman also mentioned that MJ’s national costume could have cost her the Miss Universe crown. Olivarez’s proposed measure is called “The Can’t Move On Act of 2015.”

1ER
When asked to comment on the “relevant” bill filed by Congressman Oivarez, his constituents replied, “Sino ‘yon?”

Fake Priest
The CBCP is warning Catholics about the activities of a fake priest who scammed parishioners in Luzon and Metro Manila. The fake priest officiates masses and solicits money. As opposed to real priests who officiate masses and solicit money.
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“To win the people, always cook them some savoury that pleases them.”
~Aristophanes, The Knights

Sound Bites
“I sincerely believe that the issue in this coming election—for the presidency particularly—is experience and competence.”
~Vice President Binay

“Tama naman s’ya. Kailangang may karanasan at kakayanan pero higit sa lahat, katapatan. Sa tingin ko naman hindi ang haba ng serbisyo ang kailangang batayan kung hindi kalidad ng serbisyo at katapatan.”
~Sen. Grace Poe

It’s Your Fault!
Is your residence near the earthquake fault? Here’s a list from Phivolcs /via GMA News. Be prepared!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Poe/Binay/Roxas: Inquirer.Net; Chiz/Roxas: Inquirer.Net; Cartoon: PixShark.com; MJ Lastimosa: Interaksyon]

FROZEN

KRIS AQUINO announced Friday on Instagram that she’s doing a movie with former almost boyfriend, Herbert Bautista.

KRIS AQUINO announced Friday on Instagram that she’s doing a movie with former almost boyfriend, Herbert Bautista. It will be helmed by Antoinette Jadaone who wrote ‘English Only Please’ – and directed ‘That Thing Called Tadhana.’ The Bistek-Krissy movie has two working titles: ‘That Thing Called Kampanya’ and “Senate Only Please.”

1kris
Ano ang iniisip ng tatlong tao sa picture?
HB: May choice ba ako? Political career ko na ang nakataya rito. Sayang din ang publicity at boto. Bahala na.

AJ: Smile na lang ako. Basta. Ayaw kong mag-elaborate. NO. Hindi n’yo ako mapipilit magsalita. AYAW KO.

KA: Ang bait mo talaga Lord. Lahat nang hilingin ko, ibinibigay mo. Care bears na lang sa mga naiinggit d’yan. #excited #kilig #KathNielvibe #JaDineAngPeg #nagsusumixteen

AMLC vs. Binays
According to the Anti-Money Laundering Council, the Binays’ own firm was also the supplier of the birthday cakes given to senior citizens of Makati City. The AMLC probe only proves that the Binays can have their cake and supply it too.

1kris
The AMLC has noted that the Binays’ trusted aide and alleged dummy, Gerry Limlingan earns only 30,000 pesos a month and yet he maintains bank deposits of almost 2 billion pesos. I wonder what his job is aside from filling out deposit and withdrawal slips.

The Court of Appeals has ordered a freeze on some 200 bank accounts and other assets of Vice President Binay, his kin, alleged dummies, and even former allies turned critics. Vice President Binay says the AMLC report is part of a conspiracy to destroy him. To which, the AMLC said, “What’s there to destroy?”

Punishment
North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un reportedly executed his defense chief in public for falling asleep in meetings. The punishment was described by his loyal followers as “fair,” and by Lito Lapid as “harsh.”

1krisTragic
At least 72 factory workers were killed in a fire that hit a footwear factory in Valenzuela City last Wednesday. Curious observers want to know: What caused the fire? Why the huge number of fatalities? Why them, and not those elected officials who stole our money?

Questions
In 2004, FPJ’s citizenship was questioned when he ran for president. Today, the same issue is being used against Sen. Grace Poe who’s performing well in surveys. Poe is upset to hear reports that some groups are planning to question her citizenship. Meanwhile, Vice President Binay is also upset to hear that some groups are planning to question his race.

Mayor Lapid?
In 2016, Sen. Lito Lapid will seek the mayoralty of Angeles City in Pampanga. Voters were shocked. Lito Lapid is still a senator?!?

Calling his previous wins ‘tsamba,’ two-term senator Lito Lapid admits he is not suited for his job as a lawmaker. He has learned his lesson. Hopefully, the voters too.

1krisLifetime Ban
A lifetime ban has been imposed on PBA D-League coach Alvin Pua for punching a referee during a recent game. Pua, who was suspended six games in the past for mauling referees in two separate matches, was also fined half a million pesos. The PBA will ask the Samahang Basketball ng Pilipinas to ban Pua as well. Now jobless as a coach, Pua can now concentrate on his other passion: boxing.

Royal Monkey?
The management of a zoo in Japan has apologized for naming a baby monkey, ‘Charlotte‘ in honor of the new royal baby. Angry Britons suggested another name for the monkey: Camilla.
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“Three groups spend other people’s money: children, thieves, politicians. All three need supervision.”
~Dick Armey

Sound Bites
“Hindi naman ako bagay dito. Tsamba-tsamba lang sa Panginoon at sa tulong ng aking mga kababayan.”
~Lito Lapid admitting that lawmaking wasn’t suited for him

“Siguro ang isang partido ay nanginginig na kasi ang pambato nila ay mababa pagdating sa survey. So desperate, ‘di ba?”
~Nancy Binay on AMLC’s report

Have a fun weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Kris Aquino on Instagram; Binay: GMA News; Fire: Straits Times; Alvin Pua: GMA Network]

SLAM BOOK SERIES: BINAY FTW!

SOMETHING I started in 2012 at the height of the Corona impeachment trial is making a return this week: this blog’s ‘Slam Book Series.’

And since the 2016 election is just a year away, we will feature the potential candidates for president and vice president. First up: the slam book entry of perceived frontrunner, Vice President Jejomar Binay. This is just for fun. Enjoy!

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2Faves

3WorstFaves

4Personal

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15MSG
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“Ambition is a lust that is never quenched, but grows more inflamed and madder by enjoyment.”
~Thomas Otway

Sound Bites
“It is apparent that there is an unscrupulous group that is trying to condition the minds of the public that the Vice President is guilty of a wrongdoing by mere perception without the benefit of a fair and impartial appreciation of the parties’ respective positions.”
~Atty. Rico Quicho on the misreported indictment of VP Binay

Good luck!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Jojo Binay by Sarah Black]

GUILTY!

To those who are too young to remember: Vilma Santos was already 31 years old when she started dating Ralph Recto who was only 21.

ALLEGED PORK BARREL scam queen Janet Lim-Napoles was sentenced to a life in prison after being found guilty of serious illegal detention. Rumors say some Court of Appeals justices can’t wait for her appeal.

Untitled
Janet Lim-Napoles has been transferred to the Correctional Institution for Women in Mandaluyong City to begin serving her prison term. The Correctional’s set of visitation rules is not that strict. She is allowed to see at least 10 lawmakers per day.

Suspected pork barrel scam mastermind Janet Lim-Napoles showed no reaction when the guilty verdict was read. She is unfazed by the life sentence, insisting that she has a “clear conscience.” Some former employees were baffled. She has a conscience?

UntitledStriking Distance
The latest SWS survey is out. Vice President Binay got 36 percent while Sen. Grace Poe got 31 percent. That’s a 10-percentage point improvement for the senator from the December 2014 survey. She has definitely inched closer to Binay. Observers believe Grace is doing a good job. But Trillanes is doing it better.

Victim?
Vice President Binay said there should be a law against “bullying public officials.” It will be called “An Act To Prevent Ordinary People From Bullying Those Who Most Certainly Deserve It.”

Childish?
President Aquino was interviewed this week by Agence France Presse in Malacañang. When asked to reflect on the Marcos dictatorship, he said, “It doesn’t mean I don’t have emotions (but) I cannot act like I am a hot-headed 16-year-old.” Definitely not. He’s not acting like a hot-headed 16-year-old. That’s unfair. He’s acting like a hot-headed 7-year-old.

UntitledIn Memoriam
The MILF’s breakaway group, the BIFF – which has been attacking military installations in Mindanao and killing government soldiers, is mourning the death of their leader identified as Ustadz Ameril Umbra Kato. If that’s even his freakin’ real name.

BIFF founding leader Ustadz Ameril Umbra Kato is dead. The military was able to confirm his death when his three wives updated their Facebook status to Single.

Guilty
In a TV interview, Batangas Governor Vilma Santos revealed that her husband, Sen. Ralph Recto cheated on her – once. Either that or she didn’t know how to count.

Untitled
Vilma Santos said it was an emotional moment when she confronted Ralph Recto about his other woman. Initially, Ralph was like, “Wala akong ginagawang masama.” To which, Ate Vi replied, “Akala mo lang wala – pero meron! Meron!”

Batangas Governor Vilma Santos told Mareng Winnie Monsod [on the TV show “Bawal Ang Pasaway”] that Sen. Ralph Recto had an affair with another woman. The actress-politician told Mareng Winnie that she has since forgiven the senator. In fact, during that emotional confession, she warned, “Next time, be careful.’” To his credit, Ralph has been successful so far.

To those who are too young to remember: Vilma Santos was already 31 years old when she started dating Ralph Recto who was only 21. Vilma was still using her other screen name then: Demi Moore.

Untitled
Advice
In a speech before the students and teachers of Tarlac National High School Friday, President Aquino said, “Tapusin muna ang mga takdang-aralin bago ang raid sa Clash of Clans.” He was referring to a popular computer game. The title of his speech was “Look Who’s Talking.”

Billy Joel
Sixty five-year-old singer Billy Joel is having a baby. There’s still hope, President Aquino. There’s still hope.
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“Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.”
~Maureen Johnson, Girl at Sea

Sound Bites
“Kung merong batas laban sa mga bully sa eskwelahan, dapat din ho sana magkaroon ng batas na ‘yung mga bullying public officials.”
~Vice President Binay

“I cannot forgive. ‘Wag na siyang mag-apologize, because at this point, it’s not going to help lessen the hate. Hindi kami vindictive, pero hindi rin kami madaling magpatawad.”
~Makati Rep. Abigail Binay on Sen. Antonio Trillanes’s exposés

Have a fun weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Napoles: GMA News; Binay/Poe: Inquirer.Net; Umbra Kato: IOL.Co.Za; Ralph/Vi: Balita.net]

ALIAS

The President’s net satisfaction rating dropped to +11.

Untitled
THE NATION marked the 73rd Araw ng Kagitingan on April 9. In his keynote speech in Bataan, President Aquino said, “Nagbabalik-tanaw tayo sa aral ng nakaraan upang hindi na maulit ang mga dating kamalian.” The title of his speech was, “Note To Self.”

All-time Low
President Aquino’s satisfaction rating has dropped to an all-time low yet again! Which explains why his hairline is at an all-time high.

The President’s net satisfaction rating dropped to +11. Just to give you some perspective, Beau Belga’s at +15.

While President Aquino’s satisfaction rating has dropped to an all-time low, 50 percent of Filipinos do not want him to resign. Psychologists call that “Binayphobia.”

President Aquino’s net satisfaction rating is down to +11. Fewer Filipinos are happy with his performance. That’s what happens when someone is in love. His career takes a backseat.

UntitledExorcism Course
The Vatican is offering a course aimed at teaching priests and laypeople how to recognize and fight demonic possession. Classes last for a week and will be held at the city hall, capitol, or Congressional building nearest you.

Alias
MILF chief peace negotiator Mohagher Iqbal admitted that he’s using a nom de guerre or war name. But Iqbal insisted that using an alias was just “natural” if you’re a revolutionary. Or a client of Janet Lim-Napoles.

Untitled
In a Congressional hearing, MILF chief peace negotiator Mohagher Iqbal refused to divulge his real name – although rumors say his passport name is in fact ‘Adele Dazeem.’

Unaware
On the involvement of America in the Mamasapano operation, former SAF chief Getulio Napeñas Jr. said President Aquino knew nothing about it. Among other things.

UntitledTRO for Sale?
Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV said he had received “information” that the Binays paid for the TRO that stopped the preventive suspension of Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay. Critics suspect that the CA justice who issued the TRO is either pro-Binay or corrupt. To which the CA justice furiously replied, “How dare you?! I am not pro-Binay!”

The Wedding
Fast-food giant Burger King will sponsor the wedding of an Illinois couple named Joel Burger and Ashley King. The wedding vows will go something like: “For better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in obesity and in health… ”

Burger King will sponsor the wedding of an Illinois couple named Joel Burger and Ashley King. In other news, Bianca King is hoping to date Stephen Chow real soon.

UntitledSex Addict
A former high school principal from Japan allegedly had sex with some 12,000 women including minors while in the Philippines. Again, that’s 12,000 women. Or as Ramon Revilla Sr. would say, “Idol!”

A Japanese man who allegedly paid for sex with 12,000 women while in the Philippines was arrested in Tokyo. When some prostitutes were asked to describe their experience with the Japanese, they said, “Move on na lang tayo. Maliit na bagay.”
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“To win the people, always cook them some savoury that pleases them.”
~Aristophanes, The Knights

Sound Bites
“Because of security reasons, my name on the passport is known only to the government. I travel a lot—maybe hundred times. But I’m not hiding my name on my passport.”
~ MILF chief peace negotiator Mohagher Iqbal

Have a happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: President Aquino: Gov.Ph; Iqbal: GMA News; Law is Greek.Com; Japanese Man: CNN]

THINKING OUT LOUD

PRESIDENT AQUINO’s approval and trust ratings dropped to their lowest levels since he assumed office in 2010. His numbers have fallen. Worse, ER Ejercito is making a movie about it.

Rappler
According to the latest Pulse Asia survey, President Aquino’s approval and trust ratings plunged to their lowest levels since 2010. Malacañang says the President will not issue a statement until he has read the full report, or at least until he figures out a way to blame this on former SAF chief Getulio Napeñas.

The March 2015 Pulse Asia survey showed President Aquino’s approval and trust ratings plummeted to their lowest levels since he was elected in 2010. The survey has a margin of error of plus or minus Alan Purisima.

Apology
Former president Fidel V. Ramos said President Aquino should “humbly and sincerely” apologize for the disastrous Mamasapano operation. According to Ramos, saying sorry “would probably do 90 percent of the job.” Leave the other 10 percent to Kris Aquino.

Memoir
In his memoir, FVR’s national security adviser Jose Almonte talked about the former president’s problem with a powerful woman named “Baby” – presumably, socialite Baby Arenas who had been romantically linked to Ramos. Reports say former First Lady Amelita ‘Ming’ Ramos referred to Arenas as “that woman.” Eventually though, Ramos was able to fix 90 percent of this problem by humbly and sincerely apologizing to Ming.

1JEThe Graduate
Detained senator Jinggoy Estrada was allowed to attend the high school graduation rites of his son at OB Montessori last Tuesday. An ecstatic Jinggoy said, “I’m so proud of him finishing school.” Filipino taxpayers added, “It was all worth it naman pala.”

Stressed
DILG Sec. Mar Roxas said UNA officials displayed “high school mentality” when they challenged him to serve the Ombudsman’s suspension order on Junjun Binay. The Makati mayor replied, “Roxas should show some maturity” and must not resort to name calling. Junjun added, “Like Roxas, we’re all undergoing a stressful situation but we rise above it.” It pays to have an elevator.

1Nancy
Ano kaya ang iniisip at gustong sabihin ng babae sa picture?
A: Pagpasensyahan n’yo na lang muna itong spaghetti. Hindi ako nakapag-bake today eh. Try ko bukas.
B: ‘Pansin ko lang, magkakakulay tayo. Hihihi Relate much. Kaya sa 2016, alam n’yo na!
C: Kung ‘yong boss n’yong si Mar Roxas, ginugutom kayo, ibahin n’yo kami. Go! Kain lang nang kain; may parating pang two-piece chicken.
D: May Instagram ba kayo? I-follow n’yo nga ako: @therealnancyb. ‘Tapos, pa-regram na lang ng picture na ito. #gandakohere #blackbeauty #infairnesstome #nofilter

1KP
Ano kaya ang iniisip at gustong sabihin ng dalawang lalaki sa picture?
A: Ako si – please state your name – wait lang. O, kayong mga kasama ni Vice Mayor Kid, smile naman kayo. Obvious na kinakabahan kayo sa ginagawa natin eh.
B: Ako si – Romulo ‘Kid’ Peña Jr. – ay nanunumpang… konting bilis lang Prosecutor, baka abutan tayo ng TRO.
C: Ako si – teka lang, na-distract ako sa cellphone sa harap ko. Ano bang unit ‘yan?
D: Ako si – Romulo ‘Kid’ Peña Jr. – sandali lang Prosecutor, tauhan n’yo ba ‘yong naka-shades sa likuran? Masama ang kutob ko d’yan eh. Paalisin n’yo nga muna.

1JJ
Ano kaya ang iniisip at gustong sabihin ng lalaking nakangiti sa picture?
A: Hihihi Akala nila, makakaisa sila huh! Pa-oath-oath taking pa kayo d’yan. O, gago. Uwiii!
B: Sandali lang po. Wait lang. Lahat mabibigyan. Walang uuwing luhaan. Pila lang po para ‘di magulo.
C: Maraming salamat po sa inyong lahat! Paalala lang po, magtatapos ang bisa ng TRO after 60 days. Isa lang ang ibig sabihin n’yan. After 60 days, kitakits ulit tayong lahat dito! Free Jolllibee ulit! I love you!
D: Kalma lang girls, kalma lang. O, ha! Akala n’yo si Enrique Gil ‘to ‘no? Nagkakamali kayo. Ako nga pala ang lalaking nagpatibok sa puso ni Beyonce… ang nag-iisang Jay-Z na naniniwala sa kasabihang: Nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa taxpayers ang gawa, nasa amin ang biyaya. Jooooooooke! Nagbibiro lang po. Thank you!

New Policy
Facebook has announced that it will now prevent people from promoting hate speech on its site. Facebook will not allow posts that offend, threaten, or insult groups based on race, religion, sexual orientation, disability, nationality, or extreme devotion to KathNiel or Chicser.

Rappler
Pia and Noy
Reports say President Aquino is dating newly-crowned Bb. Pilipinas Universe, Pia Wurtzbach. Why not? Pia is well-bred, the President is well-bred. Pia is single, the President is single. Pia is gorgeous, the President is single. Let’s give them a chance.
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“It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.”
~Mahatma Gandhi

RapplerSound Bites
“Saying ‘I’m sorry’ humbly and sincerely would probably do 90 percent of the job. What’s so difficult about that?”
~Former President Fidel V. Ramos to President Aquino

Peace!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Purisima/Aquino: Rappler; Jinggoy/Graduation: Interaksyon; Junjun and Nancy Binay: Interaksyon; Kid Peña: GMA Network; Ramos and Pia Wurtzbach: Rappler]

STAY WITH ME

1pop1
AS POPE FRANCIS marked the second anniversary of his election as pope last Friday, March 13, he predicted that his papacy would be short: 4-5 years. But his worried supporters say he should finish his term because they do not trust his potential successor: Cardinal Binay.

According to Pope Francis, he doesn’t have any plans of staying in office for life. To which the Binays reacted, “Pwede pala ‘yon?”

1JunPreventive Suspension
The Ombudsman has placed under preventive suspension Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay and several other Makati officials. DILG representatives who will serve the suspension order in Makati City Hall have been advised to stay calm, exercise restraint, and use the elevator at their own risk.

DILG representatives who will serve the Ombudsman’s suspension order have been told to coordinate with Makati City officials to avoid a “misencounter.” But when asked if authorities serving the suspension order would be allowed in, Binay spokesman Joey Salgado said, “No.” That’s BBL in effect right now in Makati: Binay Basic Law.

Hundreds of Binay supporters gathered in front of the city hall to show their love and support for their embattled mayor. Reports say the loyalists were given free drinks and free fast food – which explains the rumored change in Binay’s campaign slogan – from “Kay Binay gaganda ang buhay” to “Gusto ko happy meal ka!”

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Binay loyalists remain gathered at the quadrangle of the Makati City Hall. There’s free film showing, free Zumba lessons, and of course, free fast food. The gathering of hundreds of Binay supporters elated the Vice President, his whole family, and the nearest branch of Jollibee.

Some online comments on what’s happening in Makati City are getting personal. Netizens are calling Mayor Junjun Binay names like Kuhol – which I believe is totally unfair. Kuhol is way, way funnier.

Mayor Binay’s spokesman said the gathering of Junjun’s supporters was initiated by local leaders. City councilors coordinated with barangay chairmen who then gave instructions to the barangay kagawads and their constituents resulting in peaceful, orderly activities. That’s what happens, Mr. President when you follow the chain of command.

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Chain of Command
The Board of Inquiry’s Mamasapano report found that President Aquino violated the PNP’s chain of command. But Malacañang said the President could have clarified some points if only the BOI sent an official request. Palace spokesman Edwin Lacierda insists, “The chain of command rule applies only within the PNP.” And Justice Sec. Leila De Lima adds President Aquino “is not the Commander in Chief of the PNP” under the 1987 Constitution, which specifically states that, “The President is in fact the Pope. He is infallible.”

Statement Shirts
Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle urges Roman Catholics to wear a ‘Huwag Kang Magnakaw” shirt during the Visita Iglesia this coming Holy Week. Or to be more specific, wear a ‘Huwag Kang Mayor,’ ‘Huwag Kang Senador’ or ‘Huwag Kang Congressman’ shirt.

Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle urges Catholics to wear a ‘Huwag Kang Magnakaw’ shirt this Holy Week. Some politicians took offense and vowed to wear a ‘Huwag Kayong Tumanggap ng Donasyon Mula Sa Amin’ shirt.

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Success!
A team of South African surgeons has performed the first successful penis transplant. When the surgeons were congratulated for the historic penis operation, they said, “Wala ‘yon. Maliit na bagay.”
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“We have, I fear, confused power with greatness.”
~Stewart Udall

Sound Bites
“We stand firm that these are all part of Operation Nognog and this is just politically motivated. This is about the 2016 elections.”
~Junjun Binay

“The real reason that Mayor Binay refuses to leave his post is because they are still doctoring the documents to hide the money they stole from Makati.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes

Have a great week ahead!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Pope Francis: ABC News; Makati: Richard Reyes/PDI; Junjun Binay: PhilStar.Com; Roxas: Manny Palmero/ABSCBNNews; CNN)

WEIRD, DIFFERENT

1xs
THE 87th ACADEMY AWARDS were held Monday morning (Manila time). The biggest winner was the film ‘Birdman,’ a black comedy. ‘Birdman’ tells the story of a man famous for portraying an iconic superhero who has lost his luster. His critics are now calling for his resignation and the formation of a transitional council.

1xs
Eddie Redmayne won the Best Actor Oscar for his compelling performance in the biopic ‘The Theory of Everything.’ It’s about an intelligent man’s physical decline, personal struggles, and the collapse of his marriage. But enough about Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile. We should talk about Stephen Hawking instead.

Graham Moore won the Best Adapted Screenplay award for ‘The Imitation Game,’ another biopic. Moore delivered one of the night’s most memorable acceptance speeches. Growing up, he said, he felt weird and he felt different. Now, he’s an Oscar winner. His advice to people was to, “Stay weird, stay different.” Not to be confused with President Aquino’s philosophy in life: “Stay weird, stay indifferent.”

1xsSuperbout
The superbout between undefeated Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Manny Pacquiao will take place in Las Vegas, Nevada on May 2nd. To prepare for the fight, Pacquiao will take a leave from his TV program and the PBA. However, Pacquiao cannot be absent from Congress because he was never even there in the first place.

Manny Pacquiao will slug it out with undefeated American Floyd Mayweather Jr. in Las Vegas on May 2. Mayweather will definitely be Pacquiao’s toughest opponent yet since Kim Henares.

1RevGotcha!
Bong Revilla strongly denied reports that he left his detention cell at the PNP Custodial Center to attend the birthday party of Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile recently. Unfortunately for Revilla, two photos of him and his sons at the party have surfaced, and Manila Bulletin columnist, Milwida Guevara, a faculty member at the Ateneo De Manila University claimed to have seen him at the celebration. In totally unrelated item, you can’t spell ‘Revilla’ without ‘liar.’

According to Bong Revilla, reports that he was present at the birthday celebration of Senator Enrile were “baseless, malicious and outright lies.” To which, the above photo replied, “Huling-huli na! Nagdi-deny pa! Eh ‘di wow!”

Napoles Hurt
Reports say pork barrel scam queen Janet Lim-Napoles has asked the Sandiganbayan to prevent the release of her new mug shots because she’s been hurt by comments on the Internet particularly, on social media. Which begs the question, “Why does she have access to the Internet and social media?”

1xsMars One Program
From a field of more than 200,000 candidates, two Filipinas made it to Mars One project’s shortlist of people who wanted to travel to planet Mars. The two Filipinas aced the second round of interviews in which two simple questions were asked: “Are you nuts?” and “What the hell are you thinking?”

New Planet
Scientists have reportedly discovered a rare planet with extreme seasons. It is called Planet Women.

Extremes
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration said January 2015 was the second warmest January ever. While February, the month of love has always been the coldest.

1xsXian vs. Salceda
Albay Governor Joey Salceda lashed out at Xian Lim for his alleged rude behavior when he was invited as guest in the province recently. Lim who reportedly refused to wear an Albay tourism promo shirt said, “I’m not here to promote Albay.” Also, Lim was said to be aloof and very cold to Salceda’s staff. Still, Salceda and his staff were lucky they were with Xian only for a day. Imagine what Kim Chiu has to contend with almost everyday.

The governor of Albay, Joey Salceda had a public tiff with Xian Lim. As we all know, Salceda and Xian are very different. One is a feisty, single, hardworking, and respected individual who has been rumored to be gay, and the other one is a governor.
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“They laugh at me because I’m different; I laugh at them because they’re all the same.”
~Kurt Cobain

1GMSound Bites
“I tried to commit suicide at 16 and now I’m standing here. I would like for this moment to be for that kid out there who feels like she doesn’t fit in anywhere. You do. Stay weird. Stay different, and then when it’s your turn and you are standing on this stage please pass the same message along.”
~Graham Moore, Winner, Best Adapted Screenplay for ‘The Imitation Game’ – 87th Academy Awards

Peace!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Getty Images: Birdman and Redmayne; Pacquiao/Mayweather: Daily News UK; Bong Revilla: Inquirer.Net; Mars One; Xian/Salceda: Inquirer.Net; Graham Moore: Hitfix.Com]

BUCKETS AND TRAINS

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DOTC SECRETARY Joseph Emilio Abaya took an MRT ride last week from Ortigas to North EDSA station around 1PM, an off-peak hour and on the first coach reserved for women, children, the disabled, and the elderly. For trumpeting that it was “a pleasant ride” which he enjoyed, Mr. Secretary got flak from the public. Abaya quickly denied he was insulting the intelligence of commuters. Yeah. He just assumed they didn’t have any.

During an off-peak hour, DOTC Secretary Joseph Abaya and his bodyguards took an MRT ride last week on the first coach reserved for women, children, the disabled, and the elderly. The train-riding public railed against it.

1PA
Deputy presidential spokesman Abigail Valte also took the MRT Rush Hour Challenge Monday morning. She stood in line for 37 long minutes — which was nothing compared to the time she spends every morning standing in front of the mirror.

According to deputy presidential spokesman Abigail Valte, presidential spokesman Edwin Lacierda was with her when she took that train ride Monday morning. Apparently, Lacierda did not upload even a single photo of him while taking the MRT Rush Hour Challenge – totally depriving netizens of a good material for memes.

Senate Hearing
These days, MRT officials say, train riders wait in line for at least 30 minutes before they could get a ride. Or 30 seconds if their name is Joseph Emilio Abaya.

In today’s Senate hearing, MRT officials say part of the proposed rehab plan is the installation of free wi-fi at MRT-3 so that commuters waiting for trains can use their gadgets. The proposal was lauded by gamers, Internet addicts, and thieves.

1MCORRMakati City Hall 2
Senators and valuation experts conducted an ocular inspection of the controversial and allegedly overpriced Makati City Hall 2 building in Makati City Monday morning. Before the senators arrived, some Makati residents gathered in front of the building to show their support for the Binays. One resident held a placard that said, “Walang corrupt sa Makati.” In totally unrelated news, wala na raw Katoliko sa Vatican City.

Unfriend
Makati City Rep. Abby Binay says her erstwhile close pal, Taguig City Mayor Lani Cayetano has “unfriended” her on Facebook. And things got worse between the two camps when Vice President Binay accessed the late senator Rene Cayetano’s old Friendster account and deleted his testimonial.

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Congresswoman Abby Binay says Mayor Lani Cayetano has “unfriended” her on Facebook. Despite this development, Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano has no plans of unfriending Sen. Nancy Binay because he subscribes to the dictum, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

Book 2
Almost two years after the release of his memoirs, suspended senator Juan Ponce Enrile is reportedly writing a second book. Critics expect the book to top the Bestsellers List – Fiction category.

1FD#IceBucketChallenge
Sen. Franklin Drilon took the Ice Bucket Challenge in the Senate Monday. Although he accepted the challenge, he vowed to still donate a portion of his huge DAP allocation to charity.

On Monday morning, buckets of water were poured over the head of Sen. Franklin Drilon as he took the Ice Bucket Challenge. Moments later, Maynilad warned its customers of a looming water supply shortage.

Senator Drilon accepted the Ice Bucket Challenge to raise awareness on the importance of water conservation.

1Mega Move
Actress Sharon Cuneta has decided to terminate her billion-peso contract with TV5. Reports say the Megastar was happy with her decision – but TV5 was happier.

Three years after signing a five-year [rumored] billion-peso contract with TV5, actress Sharon Cuneta has severed ties with the Kapatid Network. Sources say it wasn’t an easy decision. The Megastar will leave the network with a heavy heart, hips, arms, and thighs.
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“Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.”
~Mark Twain

Sound Bites
“Ang tanong ko lang d’yan, by riding the train or in fact mag-ice challenge ako sa MRT 3 train na rush hour, do I solve the problem by doing that? Do I?”
~DOTC Sec. Joseph Emilio Abaya

Poll Results
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Have a great September!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: 24Oras, @Abi_Valte, ANC, ABS-CBN News, GMA News/Benjie Castro, TV5]