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STITCHES AND BURNS

9 10 2017

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THE MARCOSES and Mocha Uson claiming to be fake news victims; a “barefaced liar” making unfounded accusations under oath, and the country’s foreign affairs secretary getting grilled by an Al Jazeera news anchor on extrajudicial killings. What a crazy week for liars! It was also a week of solid, nasty burns.

In case you missed it, here’s the translated transcript of the unedited, unaired portions of Al Jazeera journalist Mehdi Hasan’s interview with DFA Sec. Alan Peter Cayetano

Hasan: Sabi sa report mo, 3,500 ang napatay sa drug operations.

Cayetano: Oo!

Hasan: Lahat ‘yon drug dealers????

Cayetano: Yes!

Hasan: As in ALL of them?!?

Cayetano: Yes!

Hassan: Hindi kinasuhan, hindi nilitis, hindi pinarusahan. Paano mo nalaman?

Cayetano: Sabi sa karton.

Hasan:

Cayetano: ‘Tsaka sa Facebook ni Mocha Uson.

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Hasan: Sinasabi mo ngayon na lahat ng 3,500 na napatay ay drug dealers?

Cayetano: Oo!

Hasan: As in ‘yong 3,500 – – drug dealers LAHAT?!?

Cayetano: Sinabi nang oo eh!

Hasan: Pati si Kian De Los Santos drug dealer??

Cayetano:

Hasan:

Cayetano: Fine! 3,499 lang pala.

* * * * *

Hasan: Drug dealers bang lahat ang napatay?

Cayetano: Oo!

Hasan: 3,500 na drug dealers!??!! As in LAHAT sila drug dealers???

Cayetano: Sinabi nang OO eh! Ang kulit!

Hasan: Paano mo nalaman? Kinasuhan ba sila? Nilitis? Pinarusahan?

Cayetano: Nanlaban.

Hasan:

Cayetano: ‘Wag mo ‘kong tingnan nang ganyan. Ako mismo ang nagbilang.

* * * * *

Hasan: So, ‘yung 3,500 na pinatay ng pulis, drug dealers lahat?!?

Cayetano: Oo!

Hasan: As in ALL of them?

Cayetano: Oo nga!

Hasan: Paano mo nalaman? Kinasuhan ba? Nilitis ba? Pinarusahan ba? Hindi ‘yan ang demokratikong paraan ng pag-solve sa krimen.

Cayetano: Bakit? Sinong may sabi sa ‘yong demokratiko ang gusto naming paraan ng pag-solve sa krimen?

Hasan: In fairness, may point. ‘Nyeta ka.

* * * * *

Hasan: ‘Yong 3,500 na pinatay ng pulis, lahat drug dealers?

Cayetano: Kanina ka pa eh. Sabi ko, oo, ‘di ba?

Hasan: Lahat sila drug dealers???

Cayetano: Yes! Yes! Yes!

Hasan: Pati ‘yong South Korean na pinatay ng mga pulis sa loob mismo ng Camp Crame, drug dealer?

Cayetano: Pinoy lang ang pinag-uusapan natin, ba’t biglang may Korean?

Hasan:

Cayetano: Dilawan ka rin eh!

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Hasan: Sabi mismo ng presidente n’yo, 40 percent ng kapulisan, corrupt.

Cayetano: ‘Yon ang estimate niya. Sabi ng aming PNP chief, 2 percent.

Hasan: So sino ang tama: ang inyong presidente o ang chief ng PNP?

Cayetano: Estimate nga lang ‘yong kay presidente.

Hasan: Tama ba ang estimation n’ya?

Cayetano: When you make an estimation…

Hasan: Simpleng oo o hindi lang. Tama ba o hindi ang 40 percent estimation ni Duterte?

Cayetano: ‘Tang ina naman o! Ba’t ba ako nag-guest dito? Sana kay Anthony Taberna o kay Noli De Castro na lang ako nagpa-interview.

* * * * *

Hasan: So you’re saying na ‘yong 3,500 na napatay ng pulis, lahat drug dealers?

Cayetano: Ilang beses ko ba dapat sagutin ‘yan? Oo! Oo! Oo!

Hasan: So ‘pag drug dealer, pinapatay?

Cayetano: ‘Yong drug dealers lang na nanlalaban.

Hasan: Buhay pa si Pulong Duterte.

Cayetano: Therefore, hindi pa siya nanlalaban.

Hasan:

Cayetano: Puta ka! Nilito mo ako. Hindi siya drug dealer, promise!

* * * * *

Hasan: Last na: Ano ang pakiramdam ng mga Pilipino sa nagaganap na patayan sa ilalim ng gobyernong Duterte?

Cayetano: Good question. Filipinos are prouder now more than ever.

Hasan: Prouder? Anong klaseng mga Pilipino ‘yan? Panatiko? ‘Di nag-iisip? Blind followers?

Cayetano: Hindi. Ang tawag sa kanila, Ka-DDS.

Hasan: ‘Yun nga.
——————————————————————————————————————————————
“There are two ways of lying. One, not telling the truth and the other, making up statistics.”
~Josefina Vazquez Mota

Sound Bites
“There is no place in government – or in the field of professional communications, for that matter – for barefaced liars.”
~National Union of Journalists of the Philippines on Duterte propagandist RJ Nieto

“Let it be known that under the present administration there is only one case of extrajudicial killing, or EJK.”
~PNP Spokesman Chief Supt. Dionardo Carlos

Liar.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Cayetano/Hasan: Al Jazeera; Kian DLS Artwork: PJ’s Artbox; EJK/Doll: REUTERS/Damir Sagolj]

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OF BULLIES AND BALLS

3 10 2017

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I HAVE stopped listening to Rodrigo Duterte’s interviews and speeches. Instead, I decided to watch HBO’s Emmy Award-winning limited series ‘Big Little Lies.’ Same themes – deception, abuse of power, and murder – but with likeable characters.

A friend said candidates for president should pass a mental health exam before they are allowed to run. I said voters should pass a similar exam before they are allowed to vote.

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Duterte said he would not cooperate with the Ombudsman’s probe into his alleged undeclared wealth and threatened to create a special body to investigate the Ombudsman instead. In response, Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales said, “This office will not be intimidated.” Unfortunately for Duterte, there are no Gordons, Sottos, or Pimentels at the Ombudsman to protect him.

Duterte dared, “Shoot me if I have more than 40 million pesos (in the bank).” That is unnecessary and a total waste of bullet. Everytime he opens his mouth, he shoots himself in the foot. That’s fine.

Amid reports he misdeclared his wealth, Duterte said, “Shoot me if I have more than 40 million.” Thinking Filipinos won’t do that to you Mr. Duterte. They’d rather see you alive – in prison.

Duterte also challenged Chief Justice Ma. Lourdes Sereno and Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales, “Let us resign!” In a joint statement, Sereno and Carpio Morales said, “We’re too busy Mr. President. Can we ignore you some other time?”

Duterte: Putang ina, hindi totoo ‘yong ibinibintang n’yo!

Conchita: Ows?

Duterte: ‘Tang ina! Kung may 40 million ako, shoot me!

Conchita: Really?

Duterte: ‘Tang ina, kung lagpas 200 million, magre-resign ako!

Chonchita: Talaga?

Duterte: ‘Tang ina, ‘pag may nakita kayong pera, sa inyo na.

Conchita: Fine. Sign the waiver.

Duterte:

Conchita:

Duterte: Ulol! Ano ako, tanga? ‘Tang ina!

Emergency
Allies of Rodrigo Duterte in the Lower House wants to grant him emergency powers to “take over” the operations of the Bureau of Customs. The House ways and means committee described the recommendation as “immediate” – while the Davao Group described it as “an answered prayer.”

New Group
In a press conference held Tuesday, Vitaliano Aguirre and Persida Acosta expressed support for a new group that called itself Citizen National Guard. The group aims to “defend the republic against enemies of the state.” In response, the state said, “No, thanks!”

Vitaliano Aguirre and Persida Acosta led the launching of a group called Citizen National Guard. Reports said the group was formed to protect the republic against “enemies of the state.” Which explains why mirrors were banned during the press con.

Also during the press conference, the newly formed group identified the “enemies of the state.” The list includes the CPP-NPA, ISIS-inspired terrorism, and drug cartels. Pulong Duterte was like, “May galit ba kayo sa akin?”

Wiretapping
A month after TV cameras at the Senate captured the screen of his cellphone showing a text exchange with VACC’s Jacinto Paras plotting against Sen. Risa Hontiveros, Vitaliano Aguirre filed a wiretapping case against the lady senator. Once tagged by Hontiveros as “fake news king,” Aguirre’s case is expected to be junked because text messages are not covered by the Anti-wiretapping Law. Even Aguirre’s case is fake.

Dogs
Duterte defender Tito Sotto is filing a libel case against the people behind popular Facebook page ‘Silent No More PH’ for calling him and other staunch Duterte allies at the Senate, “Malacañang dogs.” Other senators are reportedly keen on filing a similar case. Unverified reports say they are seeking 10 million pesos in compensatory damages and a year’s supply of Pedigree.

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Las Vegas Massacre
Our thoughts go out to the victims of the mass shooting in Las Vegas, Nevada. The carnage left at least 59 people dead and more than 500 injured. Concerned Americans are now calling for stricter gun control. The Philippines can relate to mass killings. For months now, concerned Filipinos have been calling for presidential control.
———————————————————————————————————————————
“Your complaints, your drama, your victim mentality, your whining, your blaming, and all of your excuses… Let go of your nonsense. Let go of the delusion that you deserve better.”
~Steve Maraboli, ‘Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience’

Sound Bites
“If the President has nothing to hide, he has nothing to fear.”
~Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales

“’Yong mga critics… ingrato kayo. Alam ko nakikinabang kayo sa peace and order na ‘dinulot sa atin ng war on drugs. Ingrato kayo.”
~PNP Chief Bato De La Rosa

Ulol.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: The Denver Post; Ombudsman: Rappler; Las Vegas: Getty Images]






CONGRESSMEN & TRAFFIC

19 09 2017

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JINGGOY ESTRADA, whose trial for plunder and graft & corruption charges, is ongoing, has been granted temporary liberty. He posted a P1.33 million bail over the weekend. Immediately after his release, he thanked the Sandiganbayan, his family, and the Filipino taxpayers who shouldered his bail bond.

Of the five members of the Sandiganbayan Fifth Division, three justices voted to grant Jinggoy Estrada bail. The next day, all three justices received this text message from Malacañang: What exactly do you want?

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Anniversary
Juan Ponce Enrile and wife, Cristina celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. Which explains why Gigi Reyes changed her Facebook status to “Single.”

The roster of high-profile guests included Imelda, Imee and Bongbong Marcos; Joseph Estrada and Jinggoy Estrada; former vice president Jejomar Binay, his wife Elenita, and Junjun Binay as well as former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo – prompting one of the food servers to quip, “Ano ‘to Bilibid?!?”

Entitlement
House Majority Floor Leader Rodolfo Fariñas wants the MMDA to grant lawmakers “parliamentary immunity” from minor traffic violations. Citing a provision in the Constitution, the Ilocos Norte representative says apprehending lawmakers will delay the performance of their duties. That, of course, is understandable because round-the-clock licking of Duterte’s ass is not an easy job.

Samantala sa EDSA… Prrrrt!

Traffic Enforcer: Lisensya.

Motorist: Lisensya? Hindi mo ba ako nakikilala? Congressman ako!

Traffic Enforcer: Hindi rin n’yo ba ako nakikilala? Traffic enforcer ako!

Motorist: Meron akong parliamentary immunity!

Traffic Enforcer: Meron ho akong ipinapatupad na batas!

Motorist: Mali-late na ako sa session! ‘T@ng %n@!

Traffic Enforcer: Linggo ho ngayon. May session?

Motorist:

Traffic Enforcer: Sige, isip pa ng palusot. ‘T@ng %n@g ‘to.

* * * * *

Traffic Enforcer: Pare, lisensya.

Motorist: Boss, congressman ako.

Traffic Enforcer: Ooops sorry! Congressman, lisensya.

Motorist: Sinabi ko na ‘di ba? Congressman ako!

Traffic Enforcer: Sorry Congressman. Isang tanong na lang: Na-experience mo na bang mag-trend sa Twitter?

Motorist:

Traffic Enforcer: Lisensya.

Motorist: Kanina ko pa nga inaabot sa ‘yo ‘di ba?

* * * * *

Traffic Enforcer: Sir, lisensya.

Motorist: Bakit? Anong violation?

Traffic Enforcer: Beating the red light ho.

Motorist: Congressman ako.

Traffic Enforcer: Sabi ko ho beating the red light.

Motorist: Narinig ko. Narinig mo ba ang sinabi ko: ‘Congressman’ ako.

Traffic Enforcer: So anong gusto n’yong gawin ko: palampasin ang violation n’yo?! Magkunwaring walang nangyari? Balewalain ang batas-trapiko? Kilalanin ang pribileheyo n’yo bilang mataas na opisyal ng gobyerno? Sumunod na lang sa gusto n’yo dahil maliit na enforcer lamang ako habang kayo ay milyun-milyon ang deposito sa bangko para pantustos sa mga kabit n’yo? Kalimutang may sinumpaan akong tungkulin? Takasan ang aking responsibilidad sa bayan ‘tapos bahala na kung mawalan ako ng dignidad at respeto sa aking sarili?

Motorist: Heto na ang lisensya ko. Matahimik ka lang.

Traffic Enforcer:

Motorist: At next time, ‘wag na ‘wag mong pakikialaman ang mga kabit ko. Namemersonal ka eh!

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Traffic Enforcer: Lisensya mo.

Motorist: Congressman ako. I’m in a hurry. Pa-Batasan ako.

Traffic Enforcer: May violation kayo, Sir. Lisensya n’yo.

Motorist: Akala mo ‘di ko alam kung saan papunta ang usapang ‘to? Hoy! Kilala ko kayo. Mga buwaya sa kalsada! Magkano?

Traffic Enforcer: Wow. Kung maka-buwaya kayo Sir parang hindi crocodile farm ang pupuntahan n’yo ah. Lisensya!

Motorist: Pagsisisihan mo ‘to! Tatawagan ko si MMDA Chairman Danny Lim. Tatawagan ko si Mayor! Tatawagan ko si House Speaker.

Traffic Enforcer: Wait lang, Sir. Tatawagan ko lang si Karen Davila!

Motorist: ‘To naman, ‘di na mabiro. Ganda ng gupit natin ah.

* * * * *

Traffic Enforcer: Sir, ‘yung lisensya mo, patingin.

Motorist: Hindi mo ba ako nakikilala? Araw-araw ako sa TV!

Traffic Enforcer: Arnold Clavio?

Motorist: Gago! Congressman ako. Hindi ako basta-basta. CONGRESSMAN AKO!

Traffic Enforcer: So, anong gusto n’yong mangyari?

Motorist: ‘Di ka ba talaga nanonood o nagbabasa ng balita? Ano bang dapat ginagawa sa mga tulad ko?

Traffic Enforcer: Ibinubunyag ang kurapsyon! Tapos huhulihin! Then lilitisin at ikukulong habambuhay para ‘di na uli makapagnakaw.

Motorist:

Traffic Enforcer: Sorry Sir, mabilis lang talaga akong mag-isip. Ano ba dapat?

* * * * *

Traffic Enforcer: Sir, pakitabi.  At ‘yung lisensya n’yo, pakilabas.

Motorist: ‘Sensya boss. Nagmamadali eh. May hearing kami. Congressman nga pala ako.

Traffic Enforcer: I see. So bakit kailangan n’yong sabihing congressman kayo? Ano ang gusto n’yong mangyari ngayon?

Motorist: Gusto kong sabihin mo nang maayos ang violation ko ‘tapos ticketan mo ako, kunin mo ang lisensya ko kung kinakailangan at magmumulta ako para tubusin ang lisensya sa tamang ahensya.

Traffic Enforcer: Hindi ka congressman! Sinungaling! Impostor! Mapagkunwari! Peke!

Motorist:

* * * * *

Traffic Enforcer: Sir, pakitabi. ‘Tsaka, ‘yung lisensya mo, patingin.

Motorist: Boss, Congressman ako. Nagmamadali ako.

Traffic Enforcer: Obvious nga Sir eh. Beating the red light ka.

Motorist: Pilosopo ka rin ‘no?

Traffic Enforcer: Nagsasabi lang ng totoo, Sir.

Motorist: Hindi ko gusto ‘yang tono ng pananalita mo. Totoong pulis ka ba o kunwa-kunwariang pulis lang?

Traffic Enforcer: Dati akong pulis-Caloocan, Sir.

Motorist:

Traffic Enforcer: Ano nga palang ‘di mo gusto sa pananalita ko, Sir?

Motorist: Ticketan mo na lang ako. Sige na para ‘di na tayo maabala pareho.
_______________________________________________________________________________
“Leadership is a privilege to better the lives of others. It is not an opportunity to satisfy personal greed.”
~Mwai Kibaki

Sound Bites
“If he would introduce himself as a congressman, and it be proven that he really is a congressman, don’t bring him to the precinct. Because if you bring him to the precinct, he would not be able to perform his functions [as a lawmaker].”
~Ilocos Norte Rep. Rodolfo Fariñas

Sus.

Elsewhere
The Young Turks hosts talk about Duterte’s “vigilante injustice”

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Jinggoy Estrada: ABSCBN News; The Enriles: Inquirer.net; Cartoon Stock.com]





DIGONG & PULONG (PART 2)

12 09 2017

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THE DAY AFTER. In Malacañang…

Digong: Kumusta ang hearing?

Pulong: Sisiw si Trillanes, Pa! Pinagmukha kong tanga habang nangungulit tungkol sa tattoo!

Digong: Walang napiga?

Pulong: Wala!

Digong: Walang bagong witness?

Pulong: Wala!

Digong: Walang ebidensya?

Pulong: Walang-wala!

Digong: In short, wala akong anak na sangkot sa smuggling, tama?

Pulong: Pa, tattoo ang topic. ‘Wag mong ibahin ang usapan.

* * * * *

Digong: Kilala mo si Kat De Castro?

Pulong: Siya ba ‘yung mataba?

Digong: Grabe ka naman. Mataba agad? Fat-shaming ‘yan. Pwede namang DOT ang gamiting reference.

Pulong: Sige Pa, ulitin mo ang tanong.

Digong: Kilala mo si Kat De Castro?

Pulong: Siya ba ‘yung mataba sa DOT?

Digong:

Pulong: Ituloy mo na Pa; magtatagal tayo.

Digong: Sa Facebook kasi, grabe ang suporta sa ‘yo. Kapag siya raw ang sinabihang magpakita ng tattoo, ang isasagot daw niya, “NO FREAKIN WAY.”

Pulong: Bakit, Pa? Sino bang interesado sa tattoo niya?

Digong: Exactly.

* * * * *

Digong: O, balita ko gustong makita ni Trillanes ang tattoo mo.

Pulong: Oo, Pa. Pero ‘di ako pumayag kaya inis na inis ang gago.

Digong: Good! Tama ang ginawa mo.

Pulong: Siyempre, nakinig ako sa payo mo.

Digong: Sandali. Matindi ang mga ibinibintang sa ‘yo: May dragon tattoo ka at sangkot ka raw sa smuggling ng druga. Totoo ba?

Pulong: Dragon tattoo at smuggling ng droga?!? Tang ina! Mamatay man ako, wala akong dragon tattoo, Pa!

* * * * *

Digong: Kumusta ang hearing?

Pulong: Ok naman, Pa. Pinahiya ko ‘yung Trillanes.

Digong: Paano?

Pulong: Inamin kong may tattoo ako sa likod pero nang sabihan akong ipakita ang tattoo, tumayo ako. ‘Tapos, umikot ako nang dalawang beses sa buong session hall habang tinitingnan ang bawat senador. Walang nagsasalita. Tapos, lumapit ako. Pumuwesto ako sa likuran niya. Nakaupo siya, nakatayo ako. Then, inilapit ko ang bibig ko sa tainga niya at sinigawan ko: “NO WAY! Ke lalaking tao mo, gusto mong makita ang likod ng kapwa mo lalaki? Putang ina, bakla ka ba?! BAKLA KA BA? Kadiri ka!”

Digong: Tama ‘yang ginawa mo! Sumagot ba?

Pulong: Sumigaw din siya! “Putang ina, matagal nang tsismis ‘yan ah! ‘Di pa ba kayo nagsasawa?!?”

Digong: Huh?

Pulong: Mali pala ang sinigawan kong senador, Pa. Si Migz Zubiri pala. ‘Tang ina.

* * * * *

Digong: Kumusta ang hearing?

Pulong: Dapat nanood ka, Pa. Nagmukhang tae ‘yung Trillanes.

Digong: Paano?

Pulong: Nang tanungin niya ako kung may tattoo ako sa likuran, sabi ko, “Oo.” Ang sumunod na tanong, kung dragon daw ba, sabi ko, “I invoke my right to privacy.” Tapos nang utusan akong ipakita sa publiko ang likod ko, tumayo ako; lumapit ako sa kanya. ‘Tapos habang kaharap ko siya, sumigaw ako: “No way! Bakla ka ba? Putang ina, naturingan kang sundalo pero babakla-bakla ka?! Kadiri ka! Gago.”

Digong: Ang husay mo

Pulong: Siyempre Pa, mana sa ‘yo.

Digong: Ang husay mong gumawa ng kwento. Tang ina mo! Napanood ko ang hearing, walang ganyang nangyari. Ulol!

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Digong: O, ano ‘yung picture mong kasama ang smuggler na si Charlie Tan?

Pulong: Wala ‘yun Pa, kaibigan lang.

Digong: May picture kayo sa eroplano eh.

Pulong: Wala ‘yun Pa, kainuman lang.

Digong: Eh ‘yung picture n’yo sa China, sa restaurant, at sa hotel?

Pulong: Sandali lang, Pa. ‘Di ba may picture din kayong dalawa sa Malacañang? Tapos, hawak pa nga niya ang portrait mo. Ano mo ba si Charlie Tan? Sagot!

Digong: I invoke my right to privacy.

Pulong: Ama nga kita.

* * * * *

Digong: Ano ‘yung sinabi ni Trillanes na may 104 million pesos kang pera sa bangko? Ang liit-liit ng sweldo mo tapos may ganyan kang kalaking pera?!?

Pulong: Pati ba naman ikaw Pa, naniniwala sa kasinungalingan ng Trillanes na ’yan?

Digong: Para mawala ang duda ko, mag-sign ka ng waiver para i-open ang iyong bank accounts.

Pulong: Eh kung ikaw kaya muna Pa ang mag-sign ng waiver para i-open ang iyong bank accounts?

Digong: Tama ka eh! Sinungaling ang Trillanes na ‘yan! Hindi dapat paniwalaan!

* * * * *

Digong: Igaganti kita anak.

Pulong: Paano, Pa?

Digong: May hawak akong documents. May bank accounts daw abroad si Trillanes.

Pulong: Ang galing mo, Pa! Saan mo kinuha?

Digong: Sa social media.

Pulong:

Digong: Choosy ka pa? ‘Tang inang ito. Buti nga meron. Sige, ikaw ang maghanap!

* * * * *

Digong: O, tapos na ang hearing. Safe ka na.

Pulong: Pero Pa, may lalabas pang report ang Senado eh. Malay mo, mabanggit ang Davao Group doon.

Digong: Bakit? Kaninong committee ba ang gagawa ng report?

Pulong: Kay Gordon.

Digong: Spell Gordon.

Pulong: K-A-D-D-S… Gordon!

Digong: See?? Safe!
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“The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.”
~Franklin Pierce Adams

Sound Bites
“Secretary Aguirre undermines our justice system and his continued stay in office is a vulgar insult to the Filipino people and our efforts for a more just society.”
~Sen. Risa Hontiveros

#AguirreResign

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Trillanes/Pulong: ABSCBN News]





DIGONG & PULONG (PART 1)

6 09 2017

President-elect-Rodrigo-Duterte-Karlos-Manlupig-Inq-Min-May-28-2016-620x413
ISANG ARAW sa Malacañang…

Digong: Sa ayaw at sa gusto mo a-attend ka ng hearing!

Pulong: Sinabi ko na sa ‘yo Pa, ayaw kong umattend! Mahirap bang intindihin ‘yon?

Digong: Fine! Paiimbestigahan na lang kita.

Pulong: Anong oras ba?!

* * * * *

Digong: Noon ko pa sinabi sa ‘yo, itigil mo na ‘yang kagaguhan mo dahil ‘pag nabisto ‘yan, patay ka! Hindi ka nakinig! ‘Yan ang nangyari!

Pulong: Huwag kang ipokrito Pa, wala kang sinabing ganyan! Ni minsan!

Digong: Wala ba?

Pulong: Wala! Eh ‘di kung meron… sana tumino na ako.

Digong: Ulol! Kilala kita.

* * * * *

Digong: ‘Yan ang napapala ng katigasan ng iyong ulo! Wala ka nang ginawa kundi igiiit ang gusto mo! Akala mo kasi lagi kang tama! Akala mo, lagi kang nasa katwiran! Akala mo diyos ka!

Pulong: Tapos ka na Pa? Ako naman. Alam mo ‘yung idiom na, The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree?

Digong: Gago! Umattend ka ng hearing!!!

Pulong: Sige, huwag na lang apple, Pa; durian na lang.

* * * * *

Digong: Nand’yan na ‘yan! ‘Di na pwedeng takbuhan. A-attend ka ng hearing!

Pulong: ‘Pa naman, ayaw kong umattend. Patay ako dun.

Digong: SABI KO: A-ATTEND KA NG HEARING!!!

Pulong: Anak mo ‘ko! Konting suporta naman!

Digong: Kaya nga kita pinapa-attend. Nag-iisa lang ako. ‘Pag sa Senado ka pumunta, maraming susuporta sa ‘yo dun.

Pulong:

Digong: At least 15.

Pulong: In fairness, nag-research.

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Pulong: Pa, kinakabahan ako. Baka madulas ako sa hearing. Ano bang sasabihin ko?

Digong: Wala kang sasabihin. Wala kang aaminin. Walang kang papangalanan.

Pulong: Ba’t pa ako umattend? Anong gagawin ko doon?

Digong: IIYAK KA!

Pulong: ‘Tang ina naman. Ayaw ko nang umattend!

Digong: Pwes, pinagbabawalan muna kitang makipagkita sa mga friends mo sa Davao Group!

Pulong: Sus! Ang dali-daling umiyak eh. EH di IIYAK!

* * * * *

Pulong: Pa, hindi ako nakatulog kagabi. Kinakabahan ako sa hearing. Ano bang sasabihin ko?

Digong: Sinong may sabing may “sasabihin” ka? MANANAHIMIK KA!

Pulong: Pupunta ako doon para manahimik?!? Eh bakit pa ako a-attend?

Digong: IIYAK KA!

Pulong: Pa naman. Kasiraan ‘yan sa image ko. Ayaw kong umiyak. Magmumukha akong tanga.

Digong: You decide… magmukhang tanga o magmukhang smuggler?

Pulong: Hmmm…

Digong: Gago! Nag-isip ka pa. Eh kahit naman umiyak ka, smuggler pa rin ang tingin nila sa ‘yo.

Pulong: May point.

* * * * *

Pulong: Pa, tanong lang. Prangkahan na tayo. Bakit tahimik ka sa 6.4 billion pesos na shabu shipment? ‘Di ba galit na galit ka sa droga? Ibig sabihin ba naniniwala kang sangkot kami sa smuggling?

Digong: Oo naman.

Pulong:

Digong: Joooke! ‘Wag ka na kasing magtanong. Masasaktan ka lang. Mag-rehearse ka na lang ng iyak mo.

Pulong: Yawa jud!

* * * * *

Pulong: Pa, ‘di ba sabi mo, magre-resign ka ‘pag may lumabas na evidence na sangkot kami sa smuggling?

Digong: Oo! That was my promise last week!

Pulong: Seryoso ka ba dun?

Digong: Oo nga!

Pulong: Pa, sorry, kinakabahan ako. Baka may hawak nga silang evidence.

Digong: Pisting yawa! Bakit?!? Sangkot ba talaga kayo sa smuggling?

Pulong: Oo, Pa.

Digong:

Pulong: Jooooke! ‘Wag ka na kasing magtanong Pa. Masasaktan ka lang.
———————————————————————————————————————————
“You can’t get rich in politics unless you’re a crook.”
~Harry S. Truman

Sound Bites
“Even in this era of kabastusan at pagmumura under the Duterte Administration, for as long as I am not cursing or using cuss words and I am not physically hurting anybody, then I am not crossing that line. I have never crossed that line.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes on the ethics case filed by Dick Gordon

Balls.

Elsewhere
Inquirer Editorial: Gordon’s unethical complaint
“What happened on Aug. 31 was that Trillanes stood up to Gordon. Having lost that particular skirmish, Gordon has now resorted to an institution-damaging remedy.”

Dick.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Inquirer.net; Paolo Duterte: ABS-CBN News; Digong and Polong: MARO-PCO via CNN Philippines]





LOVE AND CARE

30 08 2017

1VACC
MURDER VICTIM Kian De Los Santos’s parents met with President Duterte in Malacañang over the weekend. After the meeting, a photo op followed with the couple making the ‘fist pump’ gesture with the President and VACC’s Dante Jimenez. Apparently, they were persuaded to still support the war on drugs that killed their son. Duterte described it as, “Persida Acosta’s most remarkable accomplishment yet.”

Fair Enough
The parents of Kian De Los Santos met with President Duterte in Malacañang last Sunday. Also present at the meeting were Vitaliano Aguirre, Dante Jimenez and Persida Acosta. It was the first time a sitting President met with the murder victim’s parents and the murder suspects’ defense team.

Witness Protection
DOJ Sec. Vitaliano Aguirre says the parents of Kian De Los Santos are now under the government’s witness protection program (WPP). This marks the first time in WPP history that witnesses were given state protection against the state.

Ano kaya ang gustong sabihin ni Vitaliano Aguirre?

0AguirreKian
A: “ Sige! ’Pag ‘di kayo nag-fist pump, paiimbestigahan ko kayo kay Bato! Fist pump na ‘tapos tingin lang sa camera! Walang gagalaw!”

B: “Pagkatapos nito, diretso kayo kay Mocha. May interview kayo. Requirement ‘yan sa lahat ng nasa Witness Protection Program. Umayos kayo sa pagsagot huh.”

C: “Alam n’yo ba ang totoo? Tinira-tira ko sa media ang anak n’yo pati na rin kayo. Sa totoo lang, napilitan lang akong gawin ito dahil si Presidente ang nag-utos. Pero kung ako lang ang masusunod, tae kayo sa akin. O, fist pump na tayo! Go!”

Staying
Vitaliano Aguirre says he will not step down as justice secretary despite resignation calls from various thinking sectors of the society. Aguirre says he will stay in office for as long as incompetence is a government policy.

New Assignment
President Duterte has assigned controversial Chief Insp. Jovie Espenido as police chief of Iloilo City. Espenido, who reportedly asked for this new assignment, vowed to eliminate drug addicts, drug pushers, and the PNP’s worst enemy, CCTVs.

1VACC
“God’s Will”
When asked if suspected criminals in Iloilo City would be killed, controversial Chief Insp. Jovie Espenido replied, “It’s up to God” – eliciting protest from Satan who insisted, “Give credit where credit is due. Please lang.”

Message
In his National Heroes Day speech, President Duterte urged Filipinos to honor our heroes by upholding the rule of law. Actually, his complete and exact words were, “As we continue to fight against lawlessness, let us uphold the rule of law. Charot!”

Land of the Loving
According to a recent survey conducted by Publicus Asia, a PR firm founded and headed by vocal Duterte supporter Malou Tiquia, President Duterte was the “most loving” and the “most caring” government official —  while Malou Tiquia is the most likely new appointee to a government post.

Publicus Asia CEO and founder Malou Tiquia says President Duterte is the “most loving” and “most caring” top government official. To which, Duterte said, “What do you want?”

Ill-gotten
Quoting an emissary, President Duterte on Tuesday said the Marcoses were willing “to return” SOME of their wealth to the Philippine government. Anytime now though, palace spokespersons are expected to clarify that President Duterte has been misquoted, and that the correct statement should have been, “Marcoses willing to return to government to amass more wealth.”

the-household-effects-listed-by-the-marcos-family-(1)_2016_03_13_10_30_47
THIS JUST IN: Intelligence agents intercepted these conversations between members of the Marcos family.

Bongbong: O, ibabalik na natin ang ill-gotten wealth sa gobyerno. Pero konti lang.

Imee: Huh? May ninakaw ba ang pamilya natin sa gobyerno?

Bongbong:

Imee: Nagtatanong lang! Ang liit-liit ko pa no’n ‘di ba?

* * * * *

Bongbong: Nagpasabi na ako kay Presidente. Ibabalik natin sa gobyerno ang bahagi ng ating kayamanan.

Imee: Ibabalik?!?!? So aaminin nating nagnakaw ang ating pamilya?!?

Bongbong: Bakit? Sa tingin mo ba may naniniwala pang ‘di tayo nagnakaw?

Imee: Hoy! Marami pa ring tanga sa Pilipinas.

Bongbong: So gusto mo, ‘wag na lang nating aminin?

Imee: Gusto ko, ‘wag na lang nating ibalik!

Bongbong:

Imee: Fine! Pero ‘wag nating sabihing “ibabalik.” Dapat “idu-donate!”

* * * * *

Bongbong: Ma, sinabi ko na ho kay Presidente, ibabalik natin ang portion ng ating kayamanan sa gobyerno. Pumayag naman. Two installments.

Imelda: Anong kapalit?

Bongbong: Sa first installment, ‘yung paglilibing kay Papa sa Libingan ng mga Bayani.

Imelda: Eh ‘yung second installment?

Bongbong: ‘Wag mo munang intindihin ‘yun, malakas ka pa naman.

Imelda: Puta ka!

* * * * *

Bongbong: Anak, dapat mong malaman… ibabalik natin sa government ang bahagi ng wealth ng family?

Sandro: What?!? IBABALIK?!? Did I hear it right?

Bongbong: Yes, why?

Sandro: My goodness, Dad! You should have not used the term IBABALIK! Ang bobo lang.

Bongbong: Dahan-dahan ka sa pananalita mo. Tatay mo ‘ko.

Sandro: Mali ka kasi eh! Hindi dapat ‘ibabalik!’ Dapat ‘ISOSOLI’ kasi mas familiar ang millennials sa word na ‘yun.

Bongbong: Ako pa talaga ang bobo. ‘Tang inang buhay ‘to.
______________________________________________________________________________________
“The secret lies of manipulative folks, however hidden and cunningly twisted shall eventually come out. Never trust manipulative politically motivated, sly liars while they pretend to be ‘true friends’ with noble and just cause.
~Angelica Hopes

Sound Bites
“You asked for the assignment sa Leyte, namatay ang mayor doon. You asked for another assignment sa Ozamiz, namatay ang mayor doon, si Parojinog. Ngayon, gusto mo sa Iloilo, kasi si Mabilog has been identified as a protector. Mabuhay kaya siya?”
~President Duterte to Chief Insp. Jovie Espenido

“It’s a damage-control measure pero too bad for them, na-late sila; kasi ang initial instinct ni Duterte ay magtago. It took them more than a week bago nila naisip na ganito ‘yung magandang gimik. Pero gimik lang ‘yan.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes on Duterte’s meeting with Kian’s parents

Indeed.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Kian’s Parents/Inquirer.Net;  Aguirre: DOJ; Espenido: Manila Bulletin]





THE BAR

21 08 2017

1Symbol

An old man, a drug dependent, and a murderer walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Good evening Mr. President.”

* * * * *

Martin Andanar walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Secretary, can I get you anything?” Andanar ponders, “What’s the best can you offer me?” The bartender replies, “A good editor.”

* * * * *

A group of majority bloc senators walk into a bar. The majority leader tells the bartender, “I believe we already have a reservation.” The bartender replies, “Of course! In fact, the President has been waiting for you.”

* * * * *

A Caloocan City cop was sitting at a bar. The bartender came over and asked, “What’s your order sir?”

The cop answered, “I’m ordering you to disable all the CCTVs.”

* * *

A palace spokesman was also sitting at the bar. The bartender approached him and asked, “Did you hear it Mr. Secretary? That cop wanted me to disable the CCTVs!”

The palace spokesman replied, “It’s just a hyperbole. Don’t take him seriously.”

* * *

Dick Gordon, Tito Sotto, and Koko Pimentel were also there. They refused to believe the bartender’s claim and dismissed it as hearsay.

* * * * *

The bartender noticed Alan Peter Cayetano and his sister, Pia seated nearby and asked for their opinion. The siblings said, “We didn’t hear anything. No comment.”

* * *

Later that night, a 17-year-old walks into a bar. He comes out in a stretcher. Nobody saw what happened. The CCTVs were disabled.

1Symbol
Mocha Uson, Bruce Rivera, and two gnomes walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “Where’d you get those trolls?”

Mocha Uson and Bruce Rivera answer, “These are not trolls! These are gnomes, idiot!”

The bartender replies, “I was talking to the gnomes!”

* * * * *

A sad-looking Mocha Uson walks into a bar. While checking the menu, she tells the bartender, “I wanna have fun. I want to be genuinely happy. I want to feel great. What should I have? Any suggestions?”

The bartender replies, “Ahm, brain?”

* * * * *

Joseph Estrada walks into a bar. Loi Ejercito appears and says, “It’s only 3 AM! Go back to our room!”

* * * * *

A group of congressmen walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve politicians here.” The congressmen chorused, “It’s fine. We don’t serve you either.”

* * * * *

A preacher, a billionaire, and a homophobe walked into a bar. Everyone was like, “Pacman, pa-autograph naman!”
——————————————————————————————————————————–
“You have to quit confusing madness with a mission.”
~Flannery O’Connor

Sound Bites
1DuterteQuotes

It’s on you butcher, it’s on you.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Seal: Lei Reyes Marin Jr.; Credits to the owner of the Duterte quotes compilation. Somebody tweeted that to me sans attribution tho.]






IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES

7 08 2017

PRESIDENT DUTERTE is being lauded for signing into law a measure granting full government subsidy to tuition in state universities and colleges. Co-authors of the Free Tertiary Education Act like JV Ejercito and principal sponsor Bam Aquino were also praised for relentlessly pushing for the bill’s approval. On Twitter though, government-paid propagandist Mocha Uson – who was in her usual pathetic element – had this to say:

1MochangTongk

Lawmakers have successfully passed key pieces of legislation recently. We appeal to them to please legislate idiocy.

Fool
For “playing with dangerous toys,” North Korean President Kim Jong Un has been called names by President Duterte. Duterte described Kim as a “son of a bitch,” “tarantado” and “buang.” After hearing those insults, Kim Jong Un described Duterte as “suicidal.”

“Unexplained”
The estranged wife of Comelec Chairman Andres Bautista revealed her husband might have amassed close to a billion pesos in unexplained or ill-gotten wealth including several bank deposits, which were not mentioned in his SALN. Patricia Paz Bautista also bared she visited Malacañang recently and told President Duterte about it. She was probably looking for someone who would understand the issue of ‘bank deposits’ and ‘incomplete SALN.’ She came to the right place.

1AndyWfe
Comelec Chairman Andres Bautista accused his estranged wife, Patricia Paz Bautista of extortion. In a press conference held Sunday, Mrs. Bautista said she allegedly discovered several passbooks as well as bank and real property documents belonging to Chairman Bautista. But the embattled Comelec chief said Patricia was asking for a 620-million-peso settlement from him which, he said was way too much. He can only afford 619 million pesos.

As former chair of the PCGG, Andy Bautista was tasked with going after the ill-gotten wealth of the Marcos family. Now, Malacañang is seriously considering Patricia Paz Bautista for the post.

Irreconcilable
House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez has formally filed his pet bill seeking to legalize the dissolution of marriages. The bill is being supported by the so-called Makabayan bloc, two opposition lawmakers, and the House Speaker’s new girlfriend.

1MochangTongk
As promised, House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez filed a bill seeking to legalize the dissolution of marriages. Minutes after formally filing the bill, Alvarez received a ‘Thank You’ note from Comelec Chairman Andy Bautista.

House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez has formally filed House Bill No. 6027, titled “An Act Providing for Grounds for the Dissolution of a Marriage.” The possible grounds include irreconcilable differences or severe or chronic unhappiness. You might want to read the bill, Sharon Cuneta.

Too Late
Last week, the Office of the Ombudsman filed charges against a congressman from Mountain Province for violation of the Anti-Graft and Corrupt Practices Act. But the lawmaker, Maximo Dalog is already dead. He passed away last June. Apparently, the Office of the Ombudsman finds it fitting to file a late case against the late congressman.

Graduates
Fifty-three former drug addicts recently ‘graduated’ from the mega-drug rehab center in Nueva Ecija. However, the ‘graduates’ decided to boycott the graduation ceremonies when they learned the commencement speakers were Supt. Marvin Marcos and Ozamiz City Police Chief Jovie Espenido.

Poor Vision
According to the latest study of the Department of Health, over two million Filipinos nationwide are blind. Some people are questioning the results of the study saying the number is “close to 16 million.”
________________________________________________________________________________
“A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.”
~Michel de Montaigne

1MochangTongk
Sound Bites
“That chubby face that looks kind. That son of a bitch. If he commits a mistake, the Far East will become an arid land. It must be stopped, this nuclear war.”
~President Duterte on Kim Jong Un

Pot. Kettle. Black.

Elsewhere
WHAT IN THE WORLD: A big data analysis by three communications professors shows that the production of fake news articles has been rapidly growing

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Andy Bautista: CNN Philippines; Patricia Bautista: Lyn Rillon/Inquirer.Net; Cartoon: SMSHunt.com]





THIS THING CALLED P*T@NG I*N@

14 07 2017

0MarvinMarcos
PRESIDENT DUTERTE has ordered the reinstatement yet again of Supt. Marvin Marcos and 18 other cops tagged in the killing of Albuera, Leyte Mayor Rolando Espinosa Sr and another inmate last November 2016. Duterte has yet to clarify though if he ordered the reinstatement despite allegations Marcos is a ruthless killer or because of it.

Shortly after President Duterte ordered the reinstatement of Supt. Marvin Marcos, PNP Chief Ronald ‘Bato’ Dela Rosa gave the official a new assignment: as chief of the Criminal Investigation and Detection Group in Region 12 or Soccsksargen – prompting residents of the region to ask, “What have we done to deserve this?”

Saying police Supt. Marvin Marcos was just doing his job and was not physically present at the crime scene, President Duterte said the police officer should be reinstated. Return to duty, back to business. Or as that’s also called, the “Peter Lim moment.”

PNP Chief Ronald ‘Bato’ De La Rosa vowed to follow the President’s order to reinstate Supt. Marvin Marcos. Some of Duterte’s staunchest allies at the Senate are now criticizing Bato. They’re literally barking up the wrong tree.

PNP Chief Ronald ‘Bato’ De La Rosa followed the order of President Duterte to reinstate Supt. Marvin Marcos and 18 other cops tagged in the killing of two people last year. De La Rosa said, as PNP chief, he must follow the orders of Rodrigo Duterte who is the country’s Coddler-In-Chief.

Sen. Panfilo Lacson said, “There is a phrase to describe this whole damn thing: Putang ina!” He vowed to lead a Senate inquiry on the matter. Rumors say the President is willing to attend the hearing. Majority bloc senators can’t wait to sit, jump, roll over, and play dead when he arrives.

0Score
Snubbed
Reports say Philippine President and ASEAN chairman Rodrigo Duterte was snubbed by the organizers of the G20 Summit held recently in Hamburg, Germany.  In attendance were the likes of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, Indonesian President Jokowi Widodo, Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi and controversial US President Donald Trump. Organizers say they did not invite Duterte because they only have room for one monster.

Indicted
Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales has ordered the filing of charges against former president Benigno S. Aquino III for usurpation of authority and graft in connection with the botched 2015 Mamasapano operation. Things aren’t looking up for the former president. On July 23, the government will start implementing the nationwide smoking ban.

Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales has ordered the filing of charges against former president Benigno S. Aquino III. When the Ombudsman’s harshest critics were asked if they’re still pursuing the impeachment complaint against her, they replied, “What’s that?”

Re-scored
An independent panel of five judges was formed by the World Boxing Organization to watch (without sound) and re-score the controversial Pacquiao-Horn fight. The independent panel has just confirmed the outcome: it was 7 rounds to 5 in favor of the LGBTQ community.

0Score
Three of the five independent judges awarded the fight to Horn, one scored a draw and one judge awarded the fight to Pacquiao. In a statement, Senator Pacquiao said, “Nothing surprises me now. We have seen worse judgments in the past where judges manipulated results.” And Timothy Bradley was like, “Pwede, mag-move on ka na?”

Immediately after the outcome of the independent review came out, Manny Pacquiao tweeted that he love the sport of boxing and “until the passion is gone,” he will continue to fight for God, family, fans and country. Or as that’s collectively known, “Bob Arum.”

Drill
Some people are still complaining about the MMDA’s earthquake drill, which resulted in heavy traffic. They’re upset that it was conducted on July 14, a rainy payday, Friday. Spoiler Alert, people: Real earthquakes won’t definitely give a fuck about your tantrums.

0ATM
Trapped
In Texas, a customer who was about to withdraw money from an ATM got the surprise of his life when he heard a voice coming from the machine. It turned out that a man got trapped inside the ATM full of money. Unconfirmed reports say the guy was a Filipino congressman.
——————————————————————————————————————————————–
“When a leader encourages the culture of impunity, the society is lost and it makes the work harder for the rest of us.”
~ Wole Soyinka

Sound Bites
“General Bato, fix the killings of people riding on motorcycles. Alagad kayo ng batas, ayusin niyo ang batas hindi ang kabaro n’yo. That must be addressed by General Bato. Babaguhin ko na pangalan ni General Bato, lalagyan ko na ng ‘Gan’ para ‘Batogan.’”
~Sen. Richard Gordon, a staunch Duterte ally

“Duterte not only set the murderers free, he now gave back their badges and guns so they could murder again with impunity. Why? Because Duterte fears that these policemen might rat out on him for what they know about his involvement in the Espinosa murder.”
~Sen. Antonio Trillanes

“He’s goading people to kill people. That’s a problem. The directive to kill people under any situation in respective of the context to me, that’s not acceptable.”
~Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales

Indeed.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Supt. Marcos: Richard Reyes/Inquirer.Net; Pacquiao/Horn: World Boxing Organization]





THIS IS NOT FAKE NEWS

10 06 2017

PHILIPPINE government and politics presented in graphs and charts. Enjoy and share!

1. P*TANG I*A!
3Languages

2. ALTERNATIVE FACTS
3Vacant

3. INTEL SOURCES
3Aguirre Intel

4. STUBBORN LOT
3Sharing

5. LIAR, LIAR
3BlameMedia

6. RESORTS WORLD ATTACK
3lEILA dELIMA

7. ZERO CREDIBILITY
3Pinocchio

8. DIEHARD
3Profile Fake Info

9. TARGETS
3DrugLords

10. THE CHIEF OF POLICE
3BatoDelArosajpg

11. THE CHOSEN ONES
3BayadUtang

12. MARKED MEN
3Enemies

13. THE SCAPEGOAT
3Leni

14. COMMON SENSE
3Wisdom

15. RAPE JOKES AND MISOGYNY
3rAPE jOKES

16. ARF! ARF!
3Puppies
_______________________________________________________________________________________
“You can’t debate satire. Either you get it or you don’t.”
~Michael Moore

Sound Bites
“It is bad enough that you have shown no qualms about throwing the law, the truth and justice out the window in your headlong rush to persecute – sorry, prosecute – perceived foes of the administration. But trying to blame others for your blunders unmasks you as a mean-spirited coward.”
~National Union of Journalists in the Philippines to DOJ Sec. Vitaliano Aguirre

Serves you right.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Images of graphs and charts from Graphjam.com; Copy: TPH]





THE GUNMAN AND WONDER WOMAN

5 06 2017

2Jessie
THE LONE GUNMAN in the Resorts World Manila attack last week has been identified. In a press conference Sunday, the parents of suspect Jessie Javier Carlos apologized to the victims of the incident that left 38 people dead. Thirty-eight! Tragic. The only thing more tragic is having Bato De La Rosa as PNP chief.

Police said robbery was the motive behind the attack. House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez disagreed saying it was “a clear example of a ‘lone wolf’ terrorist attack targeting civilians to inflict maximum loss of life and damage to property.” It wasn’t clear how Alvarez arrived at his conclusion or why was he even talking about something that happened in Metro Manila when he’s from Mindanao.

Shortly after announcing the name of the gunman, NCRPO chief Oscar Albayalde reiterated, “This is not an act of terrorism. This incident is confined to the act of one man alone.” When Pantaleon Alvarez heard this, he texted President Duterte, “Boss o, he’s contradicting his own government.”

NCRPO Chief Oscar Albayalde said, “This is not an act of terrorism. We will not allow people or any group to use this situation to advance their propaganda or personal causes.” And Pantaleon Alvarez was like, “Inaano ba kita?”

2Trump

Immediately after news of the Resorts World attack broke, the madman in the White House – in a speech, carelessly labeled the incident as an act of terror. “I would like to begin by addressing the terrorist attack in Manila. We’re closely monitoring the situation,” said US President Pantaleon Trump.

The lone gunman, Jessie Javier Carlos was a dismissed Finance Department employee who got addicted to casino gambling. State-run PAGCOR which operates gaming establishments like casinos, said it would put in place measures to curb gambling addiction. In other news, McDonald’s and Coca-Cola vowed to promote healthy eating habits.

#MarCha on RTVM
Malacañang has launched a radio/podcast hosted by Martin Andanar and Mocha Uson on government station Radio TV Malacañang or RTVM. The title of the weekly program is FNN – Fake News Ngayon.

Logan… Live! 
Last week, Radio TV Malacañang or RTVM “accidentally” live-streamed the film ‘Logan’ on its official Facebook page. It was obviously a pirated copy of the movie shown in the Philippines three months ago. RTVM has apologized for livestreaming ‘Logan’ saying, “It’s an old film. We should have livestreamed ‘Wonder Woman’ instead.”

2WW

Wonder Woman
People are talking about the blockbuster and critically-acclaimed film ‘Wonder Woman.’ Wonder Woman is a fictional superhero appearing in DC Comics. A high-skilled fighter, Wonder Woman fights bad guys using a variety of weapons including a magical sword, the bracelets of victory, and the lasso of truth otherwise known as Mocha Uson’s worst nightmare.
______________________________________________________________________________________
“In a time of deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act.”
~George Orwell

Sound Bites
“May Congress ba tayo? Puro tameme. Itong Senate and House, they are not voices, they are echoes. Kung anong sasabihin ni Digong, ‘Yes sir, yes sir!’”
~Former Senator Rene Saguisag

Truth.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: NCRPO Chief/Gunman: Romeo Ranoco/Reuters; Trump: AP/Evan Vucci; Wonder Woman: (Clay Enos/Warner Bros.]





CONFIDENTIAL

26 05 2017

0PDUT
PRESIDENT DUTERTE was in Moscow recently. He had a brief conversation with Russian President Vladimir Putin. He said, “You are a powerful leader. I admire your tyrannical mindset.” There’s no word yet on how Duterte responded.

Sacked
President Duterte fired Dangerous Drugs Board (DDB) chair Benjamin Reyes for telling the media there were 1.8 million drug users in the country: people who exhibit changes in behavior, hallucinations, and paranoia. Duterte insists the number is from 3 to 4 million. I believe it’s 16 million.

0Reyes

In a televised speech, President Duterte fired DDB chair Benjamin Reyes. Addressing the official, Duterte said, “You’re fired today. Get out of the service. You do not contradict your own government!” Malacañang is now accepting applicants for the vacated post. To qualify for the job, aspirants must meet the following criteria: experience, dedication, and disregard for truth.

The DDB chair has been fired. Malacañang has created a three-man search committee to look for a replacement. The three members of the committee are all Bong Go.

Fake 
On Wednesday, President Duterte said the chief of police of Malabang, Lanao Del Sur was beheaded by the Maute group. The next day, Malabang police chief Senior Inspector Romeo Enriquez surfaced and told the media, “I am still alive!” Enriquez fears losing his job though because he contradicted his own government.

0PDUT

ISIS
The ISIS terror group has reportedly established a branch in Mindanao, and Abu Sayyaf leader Isnilon Japilon is their point man. In an intercepted message, ISIS revealed its plan to sow terror, fear, and divisiveness in the country saying “Duterte cannot do it alone.”

Leaked
The transcript of last month’s phone conversation between US President Donald Trump and President Rodrigo Duterte had been leaked online. Trump and Duterte talked about North Korea’s Kim Jong Un, with both leaders describing Kim as a “madman.” In response, Kim Jong Un was like, “Hiyang-hiya naman ako sa katinuan n’yo!”

Leaked II
According to the leaked transcript, when Donald Trump asked Duterte about Kim Jong Un, Duterte answered, “He is not stable, Mr. President.” In a statement released by Pyongyang, the North Korean leader admitted that being called ‘unstable’ by someone like Duterte was a double insult.
0PRRDPOTUS

In case you missed it, here are portions of the Trump-Duterte phone convo translated into Tagalog:

POTUS PRRD CALL
April 29, 2017
10:00PM

POTUS: Rodrigo, ano ba ang tingin mo kay Kim Jong Un ng North Korea?

PRRD: Mr. President, mukhang may topak eh.

POTUS: Parang tayo lang. Ha-ha-ha

PRRD:

POTUS: Hello? Rodrigo? Nandiyan ka pa? Hello?!?

* * * * *

POTUS: Rodrigo, nabasa ko ang sinabi mo tungkol sa Australian rape victim. Totoo ba ‘yun? “Dapat mauna si Mayor.” Ang gago lang! Ha-ha-ha

PRRD: Mr. President, narinig ko ang secret tape ng pag-uusap n’yo ng host na si Billy Bush tungkol sa mga babae. Sabi mo, “I grab them by the pussy.” ‘Tang ina, kupal.

POTUS:

PRRD: Mr. President, still there? Hello?!?

* * * * *

POTUS: Rodrigo, saludo ako sa drug war mo. Dito sa US, marami ring addict kaya nakaka-relate ako.

PRRD: Salamat, Mr. President.

POTUS: Salot talaga ‘yang droga. ‘Pag na-addict ka d’yan, masisira ang utak mo. Totopakin ka. ‘Buti na lang never akong na-addict sa kahit anong droga. Tarantado lang ang naa-addict sa droga.

PRRD:

POTUS:

PRRD:

POTUS: May nasabi ba akong masama? Hello? Rodrigo? Hello?!?
____________________________________________________________________________________
“Authoritarianism does not let people decide; its basic premise is that people do not know how to decide. It promotes repression that prevents meaningful change, and preserves the structure of power and privilege.”
~Former senator Jose W. Diokno

Sound Bites
“I urge you to speak out with truth even against the overwhelming tide of popular opinion and reach out to the oppressed and disenfranchised. When you face threats to the sanctity of human rights or the stability of our democracy, give your all to protect these freedoms. Give your all to protect our nation and our people.”
~Chief Justice Ma. Lourdes Sereno, Commencement Address, ADMU, 5.26.2017

True.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte/Putin: Maxim Shemetov/AP; Reyes/DDB: GMA News]





EXCLUSIVE: DUTERTE & XI CONVERSATIONS

21 05 2017

XiDut
PRESIDENT DUTERTE and Chinese President Xi Jinping met in Beijing recently. Here’s the transcript of their conversations translated into Filipino.

Duterte: FYI Mr. President, mag-drill man kami ng oil sa exclusive economic zone namin sa West Philippine Sea.

Xi: Gusto n’yo war?

Duterte: Gusto namin oil.

Xi:

Duterte: Joke lang. Siyempre, ikaw ang masusunod.

* * * * *

Duterte: Mr. Xi, mag-drill kami ng oil sa exclusive economic zone namin sa West Philippine Sea.

Xi: Ako hindi payag.

Duterte: Pero sabi ng UN Convention on the Law of the Sea or UNCLOS, pwede kami mag-oil drilling.

Xi: Gusto mo war?

Duterte: War agad? Suggestion lang naman ‘yung drilling. Wala naman talaga akong plano.

* * * * *

Duterte: Mr. Xi, mag-drill kami ng oil sa exclusive economic zone namin sa West Philippine Sea.

Xi: Kung kayo drill oil doon, kami declare war.

Duterte: Sige. Pero sabi ni Associate Justice Carpio, pwede kaming magsumbong sa UN dahil sa banta mo.

Xi: Ahh, ganun? Sino ba paniwalaan mo: China o UN?

Duterte:

Xi:

Duterte: Pahamak ‘yang Carpio na ‘yan eh. ‘Di nag-iisip. Siyempre China!

* * * * *

Duterte: Mr. Xi, mag-drill kami ng oil sa sa West Philippine Sea.

Xi: Hindi kami payag. Kami declare war.

Duterte: Pero sabi ng UN, allowed kaming mag-explore doon.

Xi: Sandali. Magkano nga akin pautang Pilipinas?

Duterte: 167 billion dollars.

Xi: Pakiulit nga.

Duterte: Ang sabi ko… ‘di na kami magdi-drill ng oil sa West Philippine Sea!

Xi: ‘k. thx.

* * * * *

Duterte: Mr. Xi, ‘kita mo naman, tinanggihan ko na ang tulong ng European Union. Ako lang ang may lakas ng loob na gawin ‘yan.

Xi: Bakit ikaw tanggi?

Duterte: Kasi, may kondisyon ang tulong nila. Pati patayan sa bansa ko pinakikialaman. Ayaw ko ng kondisyon.

Xi: Di bale, kami China tulong inyo bansa: 167 billion dollars.

Duterte: Walang kondisyon?

Xi: Ikaw tanga talaga. Lahat tulong may kondisyon. EU, tulong, kondisyon; US tulong, kondisyon; Japan tulong, kondisyon; China, tulong

Duterte: Kondisyon.

Xi: ‘Yan, ganyan. Huwag tanga. Ok? Thx.
——————————————————————————————————————————–
“To be called a sovereign nation, a nation has to be able to control its own borders. It is controlling your own destiny in a way.”
~Tom Tancredo

Elsewhere
Randy David: Aid with no strings attached?
“The message we’ve been sending out to the world since Mr. Duterte took power almost a year ago is that we are prepared to junk the arbitral tribunal award we fought so hard to win in exchange for Chinese aid and investments.”

Sound Bites
“Sinabi ko talaga harap-harapan, that is ours and we intend to drill oil there. My view is I can drill the oil. Ang sagot sa akin, ‘Well we are friends. We don’t want to quarrel with you. We want to maintain warm relationship, but if you force the issue we will go to war.’ Ano pa bang sabihin ko?”
~President Duterte quoting Chinese President Xi Jinping

Sissy Rondina.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Xi/Duterte: Ng Han Guan, Reuters]








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