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THIS IS NOT FAKE NEWS

10 06 2017

PHILIPPINE government and politics presented in graphs and charts. Enjoy and share!

1. P*TANG I*A!
3Languages

2. ALTERNATIVE FACTS
3Vacant

3. INTEL SOURCES
3Aguirre Intel

4. STUBBORN LOT
3Sharing

5. LIAR, LIAR
3BlameMedia

6. RESORTS WORLD ATTACK
3lEILA dELIMA

7. ZERO CREDIBILITY
3Pinocchio

8. DIEHARD
3Profile Fake Info

9. TARGETS
3DrugLords

10. THE CHIEF OF POLICE
3BatoDelArosajpg

11. THE CHOSEN ONES
3BayadUtang

12. MARKED MEN
3Enemies

13. THE SCAPEGOAT
3Leni

14. COMMON SENSE
3Wisdom

15. RAPE JOKES AND MISOGYNY
3rAPE jOKES

16. ARF! ARF!
3Puppies
_______________________________________________________________________________________
“You can’t debate satire. Either you get it or you don’t.”
~Michael Moore

Sound Bites
“It is bad enough that you have shown no qualms about throwing the law, the truth and justice out the window in your headlong rush to persecute – sorry, prosecute – perceived foes of the administration. But trying to blame others for your blunders unmasks you as a mean-spirited coward.”
~National Union of Journalists in the Philippines to DOJ Sec. Vitaliano Aguirre

Serves you right.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Images of graphs and charts from Graphjam.com; Copy: TPH]

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THE GUNMAN AND WONDER WOMAN

5 06 2017

2Jessie
THE LONE GUNMAN in the Resorts World Manila attack last week has been identified. In a press conference Sunday, the parents of suspect Jessie Javier Carlos apologized to the victims of the incident that left 38 people dead. Thirty-eight! Tragic. The only thing more tragic is having Bato De La Rosa as PNP chief.

Police said robbery was the motive behind the attack. House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez disagreed saying it was “a clear example of a ‘lone wolf’ terrorist attack targeting civilians to inflict maximum loss of life and damage to property.” It wasn’t clear how Alvarez arrived at his conclusion or why was he even talking about something that happened in Metro Manila when he’s from Mindanao.

Shortly after announcing the name of the gunman, NCRPO chief Oscar Albayalde reiterated, “This is not an act of terrorism. This incident is confined to the act of one man alone.” When Pantaleon Alvarez heard this, he texted President Duterte, “Boss o, he’s contradicting his own government.”

NCRPO Chief Oscar Albayalde said, “This is not an act of terrorism. We will not allow people or any group to use this situation to advance their propaganda or personal causes.” And Pantaleon Alvarez was like, “Inaano ba kita?”

2Trump

Immediately after news of the Resorts World attack broke, the madman in the White House – in a speech, carelessly labeled the incident as an act of terror. “I would like to begin by addressing the terrorist attack in Manila. We’re closely monitoring the situation,” said US President Pantaleon Trump.

The lone gunman, Jessie Javier Carlos was a dismissed Finance Department employee who got addicted to casino gambling. State-run PAGCOR which operates gaming establishments like casinos, said it would put in place measures to curb gambling addiction. In other news, McDonald’s and Coca-Cola vowed to promote healthy eating habits.

#MarCha on RTVM
Malacañang has launched a radio/podcast hosted by Martin Andanar and Mocha Uson on government station Radio TV Malacañang or RTVM. The title of the weekly program is FNN – Fake News Ngayon.

Logan… Live! 
Last week, Radio TV Malacañang or RTVM “accidentally” live-streamed the film ‘Logan’ on its official Facebook page. It was obviously a pirated copy of the movie shown in the Philippines three months ago. RTVM has apologized for livestreaming ‘Logan’ saying, “It’s an old film. We should have livestreamed ‘Wonder Woman’ instead.”

2WW

Wonder Woman
People are talking about the blockbuster and critically-acclaimed film ‘Wonder Woman.’ Wonder Woman is a fictional superhero appearing in DC Comics. A high-skilled fighter, Wonder Woman fights bad guys using a variety of weapons including a magical sword, the bracelets of victory, and the lasso of truth otherwise known as Mocha Uson’s worst nightmare.
______________________________________________________________________________________
“In a time of deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act.”
~George Orwell

Sound Bites
“May Congress ba tayo? Puro tameme. Itong Senate and House, they are not voices, they are echoes. Kung anong sasabihin ni Digong, ‘Yes sir, yes sir!’”
~Former Senator Rene Saguisag

Truth.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: NCRPO Chief/Gunman: Romeo Ranoco/Reuters; Trump: AP/Evan Vucci; Wonder Woman: (Clay Enos/Warner Bros.]





CONFIDENTIAL

26 05 2017

0PDUT
PRESIDENT DUTERTE was in Moscow recently. He had a brief conversation with Russian President Vladimir Putin. He said, “You are a powerful leader. I admire your tyrannical mindset.” There’s no word yet on how Duterte responded.

Sacked
President Duterte fired Dangerous Drugs Board (DDB) chair Benjamin Reyes for telling the media there were 1.8 million drug users in the country: people who exhibit changes in behavior, hallucinations, and paranoia. Duterte insists the number is from 3 to 4 million. I believe it’s 16 million.

0Reyes

In a televised speech, President Duterte fired DDB chair Benjamin Reyes. Addressing the official, Duterte said, “You’re fired today. Get out of the service. You do not contradict your own government!” Malacañang is now accepting applicants for the vacated post. To qualify for the job, aspirants must meet the following criteria: experience, dedication, and disregard for truth.

The DDB chair has been fired. Malacañang has created a three-man search committee to look for a replacement. The three members of the committee are all Bong Go.

Fake 
On Wednesday, President Duterte said the chief of police of Malabang, Lanao Del Sur was beheaded by the Maute group. The next day, Malabang police chief Senior Inspector Romeo Enriquez surfaced and told the media, “I am still alive!” Enriquez fears losing his job though because he contradicted his own government.

0PDUT

ISIS
The ISIS terror group has reportedly established a branch in Mindanao, and Abu Sayyaf leader Isnilon Japilon is their point man. In an intercepted message, ISIS revealed its plan to sow terror, fear, and divisiveness in the country saying “Duterte cannot do it alone.”

Leaked
The transcript of last month’s phone conversation between US President Donald Trump and President Rodrigo Duterte had been leaked online. Trump and Duterte talked about North Korea’s Kim Jong Un, with both leaders describing Kim as a “madman.” In response, Kim Jong Un was like, “Hiyang-hiya naman ako sa katinuan n’yo!”

Leaked II
According to the leaked transcript, when Donald Trump asked Duterte about Kim Jong Un, Duterte answered, “He is not stable, Mr. President.” In a statement released by Pyongyang, the North Korean leader admitted that being called ‘unstable’ by someone like Duterte was a double insult.
0PRRDPOTUS

In case you missed it, here are portions of the Trump-Duterte phone convo translated into Tagalog:

POTUS PRRD CALL
April 29, 2017
10:00PM

POTUS: Rodrigo, ano ba ang tingin mo kay Kim Jong Un ng North Korea?

PRRD: Mr. President, mukhang may topak eh.

POTUS: Parang tayo lang. Ha-ha-ha

PRRD:

POTUS: Hello? Rodrigo? Nandiyan ka pa? Hello?!?

* * * * *

POTUS: Rodrigo, nabasa ko ang sinabi mo tungkol sa Australian rape victim. Totoo ba ‘yun? “Dapat mauna si Mayor.” Ang gago lang! Ha-ha-ha

PRRD: Mr. President, narinig ko ang secret tape ng pag-uusap n’yo ng host na si Billy Bush tungkol sa mga babae. Sabi mo, “I grab them by the pussy.” ‘Tang ina, kupal.

POTUS:

PRRD: Mr. President, still there? Hello?!?

* * * * *

POTUS: Rodrigo, saludo ako sa drug war mo. Dito sa US, marami ring addict kaya nakaka-relate ako.

PRRD: Salamat, Mr. President.

POTUS: Salot talaga ‘yang droga. ‘Pag na-addict ka d’yan, masisira ang utak mo. Totopakin ka. ‘Buti na lang never akong na-addict sa kahit anong droga. Tarantado lang ang naa-addict sa droga.

PRRD:

POTUS:

PRRD:

POTUS: May nasabi ba akong masama? Hello? Rodrigo? Hello?!?
____________________________________________________________________________________
“Authoritarianism does not let people decide; its basic premise is that people do not know how to decide. It promotes repression that prevents meaningful change, and preserves the structure of power and privilege.”
~Former senator Jose W. Diokno

Sound Bites
“I urge you to speak out with truth even against the overwhelming tide of popular opinion and reach out to the oppressed and disenfranchised. When you face threats to the sanctity of human rights or the stability of our democracy, give your all to protect these freedoms. Give your all to protect our nation and our people.”
~Chief Justice Ma. Lourdes Sereno, Commencement Address, ADMU, 5.26.2017

True.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte/Putin: Maxim Shemetov/AP; Reyes/DDB: GMA News]





EXCLUSIVE: DUTERTE & XI CONVERSATIONS

21 05 2017

XiDut
PRESIDENT DUTERTE and Chinese President Xi Jinping met in Beijing recently. Here’s the transcript of their conversations translated into Filipino.

Duterte: FYI Mr. President, mag-drill man kami ng oil sa exclusive economic zone namin sa West Philippine Sea.

Xi: Gusto n’yo war?

Duterte: Gusto namin oil.

Xi:

Duterte: Joke lang. Siyempre, ikaw ang masusunod.

* * * * *

Duterte: Mr. Xi, mag-drill kami ng oil sa exclusive economic zone namin sa West Philippine Sea.

Xi: Ako hindi payag.

Duterte: Pero sabi ng UN Convention on the Law of the Sea or UNCLOS, pwede kami mag-oil drilling.

Xi: Gusto mo war?

Duterte: War agad? Suggestion lang naman ‘yung drilling. Wala naman talaga akong plano.

* * * * *

Duterte: Mr. Xi, mag-drill kami ng oil sa exclusive economic zone namin sa West Philippine Sea.

Xi: Kung kayo drill oil doon, kami declare war.

Duterte: Sige. Pero sabi ni Associate Justice Carpio, pwede kaming magsumbong sa UN dahil sa banta mo.

Xi: Ahh, ganun? Sino ba paniwalaan mo: China o UN?

Duterte:

Xi:

Duterte: Pahamak ‘yang Carpio na ‘yan eh. ‘Di nag-iisip. Siyempre China!

* * * * *

Duterte: Mr. Xi, mag-drill kami ng oil sa sa West Philippine Sea.

Xi: Hindi kami payag. Kami declare war.

Duterte: Pero sabi ng UN, allowed kaming mag-explore doon.

Xi: Sandali. Magkano nga akin pautang Pilipinas?

Duterte: 167 billion dollars.

Xi: Pakiulit nga.

Duterte: Ang sabi ko… ‘di na kami magdi-drill ng oil sa West Philippine Sea!

Xi: ‘k. thx.

* * * * *

Duterte: Mr. Xi, ‘kita mo naman, tinanggihan ko na ang tulong ng European Union. Ako lang ang may lakas ng loob na gawin ‘yan.

Xi: Bakit ikaw tanggi?

Duterte: Kasi, may kondisyon ang tulong nila. Pati patayan sa bansa ko pinakikialaman. Ayaw ko ng kondisyon.

Xi: Di bale, kami China tulong inyo bansa: 167 billion dollars.

Duterte: Walang kondisyon?

Xi: Ikaw tanga talaga. Lahat tulong may kondisyon. EU, tulong, kondisyon; US tulong, kondisyon; Japan tulong, kondisyon; China, tulong

Duterte: Kondisyon.

Xi: ‘Yan, ganyan. Huwag tanga. Ok? Thx.
——————————————————————————————————————————–
“To be called a sovereign nation, a nation has to be able to control its own borders. It is controlling your own destiny in a way.”
~Tom Tancredo

Elsewhere
Randy David: Aid with no strings attached?
“The message we’ve been sending out to the world since Mr. Duterte took power almost a year ago is that we are prepared to junk the arbitral tribunal award we fought so hard to win in exchange for Chinese aid and investments.”

Sound Bites
“Sinabi ko talaga harap-harapan, that is ours and we intend to drill oil there. My view is I can drill the oil. Ang sagot sa akin, ‘Well we are friends. We don’t want to quarrel with you. We want to maintain warm relationship, but if you force the issue we will go to war.’ Ano pa bang sabihin ko?”
~President Duterte quoting Chinese President Xi Jinping

Sissy Rondina.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Xi/Duterte: Ng Han Guan, Reuters]





MEGA DEBT

16 05 2017

111dut
THE HOUSE justice committee junked the impeachment complaint filed against President Duterte for “lack of substance.” There was just no way it could prosper. If there was “substance,” it would have been murdered anyway.

China Visit
President Duterte had a productive meeting with Chinese President Xi Jinping in Beijing. China is going to lend the Duterte government 167-billion dollars or 8-trillion pesos for its infrastructure projects in the next six years. Xi has been heaping praises on Duterte for achieving its goals like China did – particularly, in terms of GDP, GNP, and human rights violations.

China Visit II
President Duterte met with Chinese President Xi Jinping in Beijing recently. Things got a bit awkward when Duterte described China as the country’s newest best friend and Xi responded by describing the Philippines as China’s newest province.

State Witness
Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales vows to block attempts to make alleged pork barrel scam queen Janet Lim-Napoles a state witness. As expected, the Ombudsman’s statement dismayed Napoles, her family, and the Department of Justice.

Down
In her first six months in office, Vice President Leni Robredo’s net worth dropped from 11 million pesos to 8.8 million pesos. She lost more than 2 million pesos. The disinformation campaign against Robredo is so effective even her own money is abandoning her.

111Cebu
Rich Kid
A Cebu City RTC judge allowed road rage shooting suspect David Lim Jr. to travel abroad for a week-long cruise with his family in the US and Canada. But before granting the suspect’s request to travel, the judge allegedly asked him, “Who are you travelling with?” “When do you intend to return?” and “Do you need my savings account number? Charot lang!”

Mocha Fan
On Facebook, MMDA general manager Tim Orbos defended Mocha Uson from critics who questioned her appointment as Presidential Communications Operations Office assistant secretary. “Ms Mocha is a patriot, always ready to lend a helping hand for genuine change for our country. She is also very much qualified for the job she was appointed to with her more than 4 M social media followers,” the MMDA chief said in a lengthy post he composed while stuck in a monstrous traffic jam on EDSA.

Mega-Emote
Have you been following Sharon Cuneta’s series of emotional (and oftentimes, cryptic) posts on Facebook and Instagram? She’s got so many issues, I am about to cancel my subscription.
111Sharon

Amid persistent rumors she and Sen. Kiko Pangilinan have separated, Megastar Sharon Cuneta, who is vacationing alone in the US, denied there was a “third party” – totally disappointing Ka-DDS, and BBM fanatics who thought they could blame it on the Liberal Party.
—————————————————————————————————————————–
“When you get in debt you become a slave.”
~Andrew Jackson

Sound Bites
“As [far as] the prosecution is concerned, she is one of the principal alleged malefactors. We don’t find her to be a candidate for being state witness.”
~Ombudsman Conchita Carpio Morales

Thank you.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: GMA News; David Lim Jr.: ABSCBN News; Sharon Cuneta on Instagram]





EXCLUSIVE: MOCHA USON QUITS POST

10 05 2017

0mochangtanga
NEWLY SWORN-IN assistant secretary of the Presidential Communications Operations Office (PCOO) Mocha Uson has resigned. This, after thinking Filipinos hit the appointment of the Duterte propagandist and fake news promoter to a Cabinet-level post.

Here is a copy of Mocha Uson’s resignation letter submitted to the Office of the President:

May 9, 2017

HON. RODRIGO ROA DUTERTE
President, Philippines
Malacañyang Palace

Tatay Digong,

Nagpapasalamat po ako sa inyong tiwala sa akin. Nakakatuwang isipin na lumabas ang aking appointment paper ngayong May 9, 2017 – eksakto isang taon mula nang iboto namin kayo bilang PRESIDENTE ng ating bansa. Gusto ko pong maiyak. Grabe po ang pagbibigay n’yo ng importansya sa akin.

Pero katulad ng aking inaasahan, umatake na naman ang mga dilawan, ang mga yellowtard, ang mga Liberal, ang mayayabang na taga-UP at -Ateneo, ang bias at bayarang media pati na rin ang mga inggitero at inggitera. Hindi sila tumigil hangga’t hindi ako nagti-trend sa Twitter. Wala na silang ginawa kundi ako’y siraan. Sa totoo lang, wala akong hininging puwesto sa ‘yo Tatay Digong, alam mo po ‘yan. Ni singko ay wala po akong inasam kapalit ng pagtulong ko sa iyong mga programa.

Siguro ay nalimutan ng mga ‘yan ang pangako mo noong kampanya: ang magbigay ng trabaho sa maraming Pilipino. Pilipino din naman ako ‘di ba? Masama ba kung bigyan mo ako ng trabaho sa MTRCB? Masama ba kung bigyan mo ako ng trabaho sa PCOO? Tinutupad mo lang po ang pangako mo. Ikaw lang ang presidenteng tumupad sa pangako.

Ngunit sobra na po talaga ang mga dilawan at inggiterong ‘yan. Gagawin nila ang lahat upang ako ay mapabagsak. Tatay Digong, gusto kong magpakita ng pruweba ng pang-aapi nila sa akin. Narito ang ilang comments na nabasa ko sa Facebook:

0TweetBRGY
Kesyo inappoint ako… barangay hall agad? Si idol Manny nga nasa senado. So ano na lang ‘yun, barangay tanod outpost?

0TweetKulam
Wala pong kumukulam sa Pilipinas. Ramdam na ramdam lang talaga natin ngayon ang pagbabago.

0poteet
Hoy Poteet! Akala mo ba masasaktan ako sa mga sinabi mo? HINDI ‘NO! Loud lang ang naintindihan ko, tanga!

0mucha
Anong MUCHA? I’m sure nagkukunwari ka lang na kakampi at Ka-DDS pero dilawan ka talaga!

0shame
Tanga! Wrong spelling ka. Dapat ‘Such a shaim! Shaim Shaim!’

0talino
Anong “insulto sa katalinuhan ng bawat Pilipino?” Tanga ka ba! Kung matalino talaga kayo, eh ‘di wala kami sa puwesto hahahaha fucker!

0civil servi
Huwag mo naman akong i-judge. Hindi ko kailangan ang Civil Service para makapag-service! Sorry. I mean, makapag-serve!

0first lady
‘Wag kang magbiro ng ganyan. Ayaw ni Honeylet hihihihi

0nakakaluka
Snong luka-luka? Si Ma’am Gina? Puta ka. Wag ganun.

0magwawala
Sinong maysabi sa ‘yong haharapin ko sila? No way. Hindi ko sila ka-level! #bias #bayaran

And lastly,

0pepe

This is slut-shaiming. Anong kinalaman ng pepe ko sa paglilingkod ko sa bayan? Matapos kang mag-enjoy noon, ganyan pa ang igaganti mo ngayon? Wala kang utang na loob!

TATAY DIGONG, ilan lang po ‘yan sa mga dahilan kung bakit umabot ako sa mabigat na desisyong ito:

I resigns resigned resigning. Nagbibitiw na po ako sa puwesto.

Nadadamay po kayo sa mga batikos sa akin. Hindi ko na po kaya. Ako na po ang kusang aalis para matahimik na ang mga inggitero’t inggitera.

Pero hindi naman po irrevokeable irrevocabogable irrevoiceable hindi naman po final ang resignation ko. Puwede pa po n’yo akong pigilang umalis. Please po. Try n’yo lang.

Sa mga Ka-DDS, salamat sa walang sawa n’yong suporta. Huwag po kayong bibitiw. Suportahan po natin ang pagbabago sa ilalim ng gobyerno ni Tatay Digong. Limang taon pa po tayong magsasama-sama. At kung susuwertehin, baka higit pa. Kapit lang.

Mabuhay si Tatay Digong. Mabuhay ang mahal nating Pilipinas!

#mamataykayosainggitdilawan
#AkoNaTalaga!
#obosen
#ImpeachLeni
#BiasMedia
#JaDineWalangProject
#IBeIieveICanFly

At your service,

MOCHA USON
Civil Service Exam Grade: 263%
———————————————————————————————————————————
“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.”
~Albert Einstein

0napoes
Napoles
Just months after President Duterte expressed support for Solicitor General Jose Calida’s efforts to acquit Janet Lim Napoles, the Court of Appeals cleared the pork barrel queen in her serious illegal detention case. With Calida backing her, Napoles is reportedly firing the lawyers in her plunder case citing “duplication.”

RIP Imelda
Lani Mercado erroneously tweeted Monday former first lady Imelda Marcos had died. Mercado claimed she got the info from a “news break message.” Apparently, she was a victim of fake news. To prevent something like this from happening again, Mercado’s children advised her to unfollow Mocha Uson on Facebook.

My friends who were working that day didn’t see Lani Mercado’s original tweet. They’d rather focus on their job than talk about the “death” of Imelda Marcos. Business before pleasure.

Sound Bites
“The Philippines is facing a growing chorus of international concern at the human cost of President Duterte’s murderous ‘war on drugs.’ The government’s denial and deflection of criticism shows it has no intention of complying with its international obligations.”
~John Fisher, Geneva director at Human Rights Watch

Exactly.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Mocha Uson: ABSCBN News; Janet Napoles: Inquirer.net]





13 REASONS WHY (THE SECRET JAIL CELL)

29 04 2017

THE COMMISSION on Human Rights (CHR) discovered a secret jail cell inside the Manila Police District Station 1 in Tondo district. At least 12 drug suspects were found locked up behind a bookshelf. Some have not been charged and the arrests made have no record (blotter). But in a move that was hardly surprising, PNP Chief Ronald ‘Bato’ De La Rosa blasted the CHR, questioned the “timing” of the surprise inspection, and defended the relieved cops saying, “Ang pulis ko walang ginawang kalokohan.”

000InquirerJailCell

General Bato gave 13 Reasons Why:

No. 1: Alam n’yo bang we promote indigenous games sa mga kulungan sa bansa? Nang araw na dumating ang CHR for the surprise inspection, naglalaro ng taguan ang mga suspek. In short, taken out of context ang na-discover na alleged secret jail cell. Hindi nakakulong ang mga suspek doon; nagtatago sila para ‘di mahuli ng taya.

No. 2: Mahilig magbasa ng libro ang mga suspek. Gusto nila ng tahimik na lugar kaya mas pinili nilang ikulong sa maliit na area behind the bookshelf. Kailan pa naging form of abuse ang pagbabasa?

No. 3: Takot sa dengue at malaria ang mga ‘yan. Masyado kasing malamok sa regular cell. Eh sa loob ng sikretong selda, ultimo lamok, hindi gugustuhing pumasok. Health is wealth kaya tama ang choice of jail cell nila.

No. 4: Lagi kasing may media rito. Camera shy ang mga ‘yan. Ikaw ba, gusto mo bang makita ang mukha mo sa TV o diyaryo habang nasa loob ng kulungan? Siyempre hindi. As much as possible, puprotektahan mo ang iyong image. At iginagalang namin ang right to privacy nila.

No. 5: Gusto naming maging friendly at malapit sa isa’t isa ang mga hinuhuli namin para iwas-away. That’s why, we conduct bonding sessions para mas makilala pa ng mga kriminal ang kapwa nila kriminal. Ang alleged jail cell ay hindi kulungan kundi “bonding area.”

No. 6: Ayon sa isang cosmetic dermatologist: “Sweat purges the body of toxins that can clog pores and plague the skin with pimples and blemishes.” Beauty conscious ang labindalawang suspek na nakita ng CHR sa likod ng bookshelf. Gusto nilang magpapawis pero ‘di naman sila pwedeng magpunta sa sauna kaya doon na lang sila sumiksik. Voluntary ‘yun; hindi sila pinuwersa.

000JeckJailCell
No. 7: Kinukuwestyon ng CHR ang kawalan ng record o blotter ng mga hinuling suspek. FYI lang: sila mismo ang nakiusap na ‘wag na silang i-blotter dahil magkaka-bad record daw sila. Paano nga naman sila matatanggap sa trabaho kung may masamang record? Common sense naman, media. Common sense.

No. 8: Sa pagkakaalam ko, gustong sumali sa Survivor Philippines ng mga suspek na nakita ng CHR. In fact, pinagbigyan lang namin silang gamitin ang likod ng bookshelf. Hindi na nga kami naningil ng rental fee eh. Tama ang narinig n’yo sa balita: doon na sila umiihi, doon na sila tumatae, at doon na sila dumudura. Lahat ng ‘yan, part ng survival training.

No. 9: Nire-recognize ng kapulisan ang pangangailangang sekswal ng mga hinuli. Hindi porke’t suspek ang mga ‘yan, pagkakaitan na namin sila ng karapatang lumigaya. Sa madaling salita, ang alleged secret jail cell na ‘yan ay hindi kulungan kundi parausan.

No. 10: Ang totoo: walang bahay ang mga suspek na ‘yan. Sumuko silang lahat para may matulugan. Kusang-loob silang nagtungo sa istasyon ng pulis at nakiusap na sila’y kupkupin. Nakakadismaya lang! Nag-provide na nga tayo ng shelter, tayo pa ang masama? Bakit naman ganyan kayo sa aking mga tao? Unfair eh.

No. 11: Dito sa Tondo, grabe ang network war. Personalan ang laban ng mga Kapuso at Kapamilya. Patayan kung patayan! So ang nakita naming solusyon, paghiwalayin sila; sa regular cell ang mga Kapuso, sa likod ng bookshelf naman ang mga Kapamilya kasi nga hate ni Tatay Digong ‘yang ABS-CBN.

No. 12: Sabi nga ni Station 1 Commander Robert Domingo, mina-maximize lang natin ang espasyo. Sayang naman kasi kung hindi natin gagamitin ang space sa likod ng bookshelf; baka dagain lang ‘yan. Also, to quote the 1979 movie ‘Alien,’ — “In space, no one can hear you scream. #charot”

No. 13: And lastly, fake news again! Walang secret jail cell! Walang itinatagong suspek! Walang pang-aabuso! Walang paglabag sa batas! Natakpan lang ng bookshelf, secret cell agad?!? Fake news! Bias media! Bayaran! Dilawan! ‘Tang ina n’yo! Mamatay na kayong lahat!
—————————————————————————————————————————————————
“The police have lost sight of the fact that they are public servants.”
~Steven Magee

Sound Bites
“We express our gratitude to the CHR for taking time to inspect the detention cells of our stations so that they’re able to see the real condition of these facilities.”
~NCR Police Office director, Chief Supt. Oscar Albayalde

“At sabi ko nga sa CHR, ‘Hindi ba kayo happy na the 12 of them are lahat buhay? Hindi naman sila lumaban.”
~Manila Station 1 Commander Robert Domingo

Ulol.

Elsewhere
Inside secret cell: ‘You’re like pigs’
“It’s in that garbage dump that these detainees dispose of their feces and urine. So technically, they sleep beside their excrement.”

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Jail Cell: Raffy Lerma/Inquirer.net; Bato: @jeck_batallones]





SUPERMAN

2 03 2017

0dds
SELF-CONFESSED Duterte henchman, Arturo Lascañas has been preparing for his explosive DDS story on Monday at the Senate – while Vitaliano Aguirre is preparing another ambush story to divert public attention from the tell-all.

Retired policeman Arturo Lascañas said the code used by the Davao Death Squad for then Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte was ‘Superman.’ He claimed ‘Superman’ ordered them to go after his “personal and political enemies.” Last week, President Duterte admitted knowing Lascañas and meeting him a couple of times every year. When asked where, he replied, “Krypton.”

Self-confessed DDS leader SPO3 Arturo Lascañas said they used ‘Superman’ as code for then Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte. Whenever they mentioned ‘Superman’ in Davao, they were talking about just one: Duterte. There were several ‘Lois Lanes’ though.

Martin “$1,000” Andanar said the revelations of SPO3 Arturo Lascañas were part of a “political drama aimed to destroy the President.” No offense but, what’s there to destroy?

Focus
Vice President Leni Robredo has called on President Duterte to focus on the “war on poverty.” In response, Duterte said, “That has always been the priority of my death squads: the poor.

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Honored
Solicitor General Jose Calida honored 10 Duterte-BBM Youth members (who stormed the #EDSA31 celebration last Feb. 26) with a ‘Republic Defenders’ pin. You have probably seen the video. A member of the group couldn’t utter a single word when singer-songwriter and People Power defender Jim Paredes lectured him on extrajudicial killing. The guy deserved more than a pin for surviving that prolonged embarrassment.

Threat
Duterte-BBM Youth members, with the backing of Solicitor General Jose Calida, will reportedly file a case against Duterte critic Jim Paredes. Rumors say they’re charging him with assault and they have a very strong evidence to show – their bruised ego.

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Ignored
In an effort to patch things up between Martin Andanar and Senate reporters whom Andanar recently accused of corruption, Senate President Koko Pimentel secretly invited the Communications Secretary to a dinner he hosted for the Senate media. While there though, Andanar was ignored by Senate reporters. Or as Mocha Uson would say, “Senate reporters, hindi pinansin si Secretary Martin Andanar matapos malamang hindi ito mamimigay ng 1,000 dollars.”

Ignored II
In a dinner hosted by Senate President Koko Pimentel for Senate reporters, Martin Andanar showed up. Senate reporters ignored him big time. But he was unfazed. He stayed. For that alone, Jose Calida is honoring Andanar with a ‘Republic Defenders’ pin.

Lent
Ash Wednesday (March 1) marked the start of Lent. Many are giving up something for Lent like junk food, sex, smoking, etc. The Philippine Senate just gave up its independence.

Up Next
Speaking before a huge crowd of Duterte fanatics at Rizal Park, Vitaliano Aguirre shouted, “Sino ang gusto n’yong isunod (na ikulong)?” Senators Zubiri, Gatchalian, Escudero, Villanueva, and Ejercito slammed Aguirre for his behavior which they described as “unbecoming of a justice secretary” and “irresponsible.” Well, Aguirre has repeatedly proven he was unfit to serve as justice secretary and yet, you, dear senators still confirmed his appointment. Talk about responsibility.

Barker
Sen. Grace Poe says as justice secretary Vitaliano Aguirre is expected to be fair and should not “moonlight as a ‘perya’ barker who agitates the crowd.” Aguirre felt slighted by Poe’s ‘perya barker’ comparison since his actual intention was to be a circus clown.

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Oscars
This year’s Academy Awards ended in a messy mix-up when the assigned PricewaterhouseCoopers accountant, Brian Cullinan handed the wrong envelope to the presenters. It was an epic fail. Palpak ang trabaho. Reports say Cullinan will probably lose his job. He should not worry though because the Duterte government is interested in hiring him.

Oscars II
One of my favorite Oscar moments was ‘In Memoriam’ where we remember those who died the previous year. Among those we lost in 2016 were Carrie Fisher, Debbie Reynolds, Prince, and the logic of Duterte fanatics.
________________________________________________________________________________________
“He alone, who owns the youth, gains the future.”
~Adolf Hitler

Sound Bites
“You are expected to administer justice fairly and not to moonlight as a ‘perya’ barker who agitates the crowd.”
~Sen. Grace Poe to Vitaliano Aguirre

Kadiri.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Lascañas: Voltaire Domingo, NPPA; Andanar: Camille Elemia/Rappler; Oscars: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP]





ALTERNATIVE FACTS

26 02 2017

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THOUGHT-PROVOKING ‘facts’ from Malacañang’s official online portal ‘The Official Gazette:’

Among the Top 5 government officials, President Duterte is the poorest. Based on his 2016 SALN, he has a net worth of only 645 thousand pesos.

Martin Andanar is a three-time Pulitzer Prize winning investigative journalist who is widely respected for his honesty, credibility, and integrity.

Manny Pacquiao is an HIV testing advocate. He is also the biggest donor to Pasay City’s Home for the Golden Gays, a refuge for the aged members of the LGBT community.

Mocha Uson is a virgin.

Vitaliano Aguirre was a consistent “Most Honest Pupil” awardee from Kindergarten to Grade 6.

Sen. Leila De Lima is a huge fan of Pablo Escobar. She has a ‘Pablo Escobar’ tattoo on her left thigh.

Tito Sotto has an IQ of over 180. He is a member of Mensa.

Before Jesse Robredo died, he sought the annulment of his marriage with Leni Robredo citing “irreconcilable differences” and a third party – Noynoy Aquino.

The Duterte administration does not tolerate online trolling. It will soon launch a campaign against vicious trolls, fake news and self-proclaimed bloggers who spread malicious information on or about anyone including critics of the government.

PNP Director General Ronald ‘Bato’ De La Rosa is an introvert, low-key person who shuns the limelight. He hates TV cameras and the media in general.

Alan Peter Cayetano has no plans of seeking a higher post in the future. He is supportive of President Duterte only because he truly loves this country. He will do everything for the Filipino people.

Imee Marcos was born in 1979, two years before Martial Law was lifted by his father. Her brother, Bongbong is still a millennial.

Sandro Marcos is a working student in London who pays for his own tuition, board and lodging. He is a responsible netizen who tweets with intellect, honesty and wisdom.

Imelda Marcos loves to travel. She has visited ALL of the world’s key cities except for one – Zurich. She hates Zurich.

Janet Lim-Napoles is a God-fearing, law-abiding woman who was falsely accused and wrongfully-convicted.

The pork barrel scam is a hoax perpetrated by the incompetent Aquino administration.

A joint probe recently conducted by the Human Rights Watch and Amnesty International found that the more than 7,000 deaths in the Philippines were not drug-related at all. It was a case of mass suicide attributed to climate change.

Before the Duterte administration took over, there were “three million addicts” in the Philippines. That number has significantly dropped to just 1,108 as of an hour ago.

South Korean businessman Jeck Ick Joo was assassinated by North Korean agents.

The Marcoses did not steal a single centavo from the Philippine government. Their multibillion peso bank deposits were donations from grateful Filipino taxpayers.

Official psychiatric records reveal Perfecto Yasay is a Sinophobe.

For 2017, Harry Roque is the recipient of the Most Gender-Sensitive Filipino Award from the United Nations Entity for Gender Equality and the Empowerment of Women.

Senate reporters each receive P10,000 for every ‘dilawan’ tweet and another P5,000 if that tweet is retweeted by their followers.

Martin Andanar is now the most-read Philippine Daily Inquirer columnist. His column has 16 million unique page views every minute.

Mocha Uson is now the most-read Philippine Star columnist and the most popular ‘political’ columnist in the solar system. As of February 25, her average daily unique page views is “infinite.”
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“The point of modern propaganda isn’t only to misinform or push an agenda. It is to exhaust your critical thinking, to annihilate truth.”
~Garry Kasparov

Sound Bites
“Unless Martin Andanar can present credible proof to back up his claims, he should zip his mouth or better yet, step down for gross abuse of his office and ignorance of his responsibilities.”
~National Union of Journalists of the Philippines

“Hindi niya laging alam ang sinasabi niya.”
~Former President Fidel Ramos on Martin Andanar

#SolidBurn

Elsewhere
Singer-songwriter Gary Granada comes out of retirement to write a song titled ‘Normal’ about the current situation in the Philippines. Read his biting yet moving composition here.
“Ang presidente na kriminal
Naging bayani na tinanghal
Ganyan na nga ba
OK ka lang ba
Na yan na ang bagong normal”

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Martin Andanar: Inquirer.Net]





ISOLATED

25 01 2017

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ACCORDING TO Vitaliano Aguirre, the murder of a tokhang-for-ransom victim from South Korea was “only an isolated incident.” As compared to the killing of almost 7,000 Filipinos which was “government policy.”

The fake drug raid victim from South Korea was abducted in Angeles City and then murdered by policemen in Camp Crame near the official residence of PNP Chief Ronald ‘Bato’ De La Rosa. To be fair, Bato was not in Camp Crame when the crime happened. He was in a movie premiere.

Unfair
PNP Chief Bato De La Rosa complains media reports on tokhang-for-ransom  make them look bad. Valid point. The media is inaccurate. They’re not bad. They’re evil.

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PNP Chief Bato De La Rosa has rejected calls for him to resign following the kidnapping and murder of a tokhang-for-ransom victim in Camp Crame. “Gusto nila akong mag-resign? Sabihin n’yo kay Presidente, paalisin ako. Ano ba ang akala nila, nag-e-enjoy ako sa trabaho ko?!” an irate De La Rosa told a reporter by phone while watching Bryan Adams’s concert.

Destabilization
Vitaliano Aguirre theorized the tokhang-for-ransom issue could be part of a plot to destabilize the Duterte administration. He has ordered his men to find any connections between the South Korean victim and Sen. Leila De Lima.

New Victims
Latest reports say three South Koreans golfers have also been victimized by tokhang-for-ransom policemen. Or as Vitaliano Aguirre would say, “only three isolated incidents.”

Removed
The Board of Trustees of Kabayan partylist has removed Harry Roque as a member, and as partylist representative. Shortly after his removal, Roque said he would miss his colleagues, his staff, and the hearings on De Lima’s sex life.

Two Wives
President Duterte accused one of his critics from the Church, Bishop Emeritus Teodoro Bacani of having two wives like him. A furious Bacani replied, “I wish!”

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Miss U in Malacañang
Miss Universe candidates paid a courtesy call on President Duterte in Malacañang on Monday, January 23. Reading from a prepared speech, the unusually behaved Duterte told the candidates, “I wish this day will never end.” To which the candidates said, “We’re glad it’s almost over.”

Social Media
According to the latest study, the Philippines is No. 1 in terms of time spent on social media. On the average, Filipinos spend four hours and 17 minutes per day on social media sites like Facebook and Twitter. If you’re Mocha Uson, that’s 4 hours and 17 minutes of spreading disinformation on Leni Robredo.

Filipinos spend 4 hours and 17 minutes per day on social media. Or as it’s also called in offices, “the most unproductive time of the day.”
______________________________________________________________________
“Violence and cruelty were just a stupid person’s way of making himself felt, because it was easier to use your hands to strike a blow then to use your brain to find a logical and just solution to a problem.”
~Anne Holm, ‘I Am David’

Sound Bites
“Putang inang Bacani na ‘yan, dalawa pala ang asawa. Pareho ko. Parang mayor din ang buang. Tapos kung magsalita itong unggoy na ito, ‘tang ina.”
~Rodrigo Duterte reacting to Bishop Bacani’s criticism of extrajudicial killing

Madness.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: South Korean victim/Aguirre:ABSCBN News; Bato De La Rosa: @jewelsinthesea; Miss Universe/Duterte: Philippine Star]





IMMORAL

18 11 2016

THE SUPREME Court’s decision is not final and executory yet but – unannounced, the Marcos family decided to bury the late dictator Ferdinand Marcos at the Libingan ng mga Bayani on Friday, Nov. 17. Maging ang kahuli-hulihang sandali, NAKAW.

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ALLEGED DRUG lord Kerwin Espinosa, who was arrested in Dubai last month, is back. He’s very much alive – as of this posting.

Interviewed by the media at the airport, Kerwin Espinosa apologized to President Duterte and asked for a “second chance.” To be fair to the President who’s in Peru for the APEC Summit, he didn’t ignore Kerwin. He replied, “Second chance? Ano ‘yun?”

Justice Sec. Vitaliano Aguirre is confident Kerwin Espinosa will implicate Sen. Leila De Lima in the illegal drugs trade. Between doing that and death, the choice is obvious.


Confirmed
Sen. Leila De Lima has admitted her past relationship with former driver and bodyguard Ronnie Dayan. Asked by ‘Bawal ang Pasaway’ host Winnie Monsod why she fell for her driver/bodyguard, Senator De Lima replied, “frailties of a woman.” When sought for reaction on Senator De Lima’s ‘frailties’ comment, Ronnie Dayan said he would first consult his family, his lawyer, and a dictionary.

Senator De Lima has confirmed rumors she had an affair with her former driver and bodyguard Ronnie Dayan. Or as the Manila Times and the Manila Standard would say, “De Lima admits drug links.”

Immoral
Justice Secretary Vitaliano Aguirre wants Senator De Lima disbarred because of “immorality.” To which, Presidente Duterte, Manny Pacquiao, Bong Revilla, Joseph Estrada, and 85 percent of Congress said, “Pwede bang mag-focus na lang tayo sa drugs?”

Andanar
According to Communications Secretary Martin Andanar, people opposing the Marcos burial at the Libingan ng mga Bayani were “temperamental brats” who have an “awesome capacity for nurturing hate.” Human rights advocates and lawyers for Martial Law victims described Andanar’s opinion as “lunatic.” In other words, “presidential.”

After drawing flak for his controversial statement, palace mouthpiece Martin Andanar wrote an apology on Facebook. He said, “I am sorry for calling you temperamental, brats!”

Martial Law
Communications Sec. Martin Andanar says, “Martial law never crossed” President Duterte’s mind and “it’s far from reality.” He didn’t say though whose “reality” – ours or Duterte’s.

Blackout
The Department of Energy has ordered a probe into the power outage in Luzon including Metro Manila last Tuesday. Some are blaming power generation companies while others believe it was the fault of distribution utilities. Malacañang has instructed energy officials to figure out a way to blame it on Leila De Lima.

Sexist
Interviewed by the Judicial and Bar Council, Atty. Persida Rueda-Acosta, an aspirant for associate justice of the Supreme Court said laws on adultery and concubinage must be tougher on women – to the utter shock of gender equality advocates. Worse, when asked what punishment would be most appropriate for cheating wives, Acosta said, “We should burn them at the stake.”


Grilled
Lawyer Persida Acosta was recently grilled by the Judicial and Bar Council. When asked by JBC execom chair retired Justice Angelina Sandoval-Gutierrez on the issue of the Marcos burial, Acosta faltered and was interrupted by the 78-year-old Gutierrez. It got more awkward when everyone in the room shouted, “Face to face! Face to face!”

BB Gandanghari
The actor formerly known as Rustom Padilla is now legally a woman. An Orange Country court granted her request to change her gender to female and her name to Binibini Gandanghari. As a woman, BB vows to campaign for LGBT rights and to campaign against Atty. Persida Acosta.
———————————————————————————————————————————-
“Ignorance is not bad faith. But persistence in ignorance is.”
~Joanna Russ

Sound Bites
“Huwag n’yong solohin ’yung kapangyarihan niyo. Kayo lang parating tigas eh, kaya lang, you threaten us as if we are your laborers. I’m the President of the Philippines. I’m not their President. I don’t care. I don’t give a shit.”
~Rodrigo Duterte to APEC leaders

Inaano ka ba?

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Kerwin Espinosa: GMA News: Leila De Lima: GMA TV; Persida Acosta: Rappler]





MENTALITY

20 10 2016

DOZENS OF PROTESTERS were hurt when a police vehicle rammed into a group of anti-US protesters in front of the US Embassy in Manila. The police van charged backward then sprinted forward twice hitting the militants. The Philippine National Police was quick to deny reports that its motto ‘To serve and protect’ has been changed to ‘Too fast and too furious.’

Daring
Before the violent dispersal, Manila Police District director Col. Marcelino Pedroso was caught on cam telling his men, “Magkagulo na kung magkagulo. Pulis tayo. Lumaban kayo!” Pedroso has been diagnosed with ‘Duterte Syndrome.’

Denial
News footage showed the police van suddenly charged backward then sprinted forward twice hitting militant rallyists. But NCR Police Office director Chief Supt. Oscar Albayalde denied this and said, “Hindi naman sila sinagasaan!” Apparently, everything caught on video was all in our mind. A product of our creative imagination.

A First
For the first time since President Duterte took office, a violent dispersal of militant protesters happened. And for the first time in history, the militants had no president to blame.

Advice
The driver of the police van that ran over a group of protesters was identified as Franklin Kho. His superior told him not to worry because, ‘May kilala akong lawyer.’ While Agot Isidro told him, ‘May kilala akong psychiatrist. Patingin ka.’

In Beijing…
When told about the incident, President Duterte vowed to issue a statement when he returns from China on Friday, Oct. 21. But he has expressed doubts that police officer Franklin Kho was guilty of ‘extrajudicial driving.’

Probe
President Duterte said he had repeatedly told the police to exercise maximum tolerance during protest rallies. Still, a Manila cop driving a police van plowed through a group of militant protesters on Wednesday. The President has ordered his men to investigate if the driver had links to Senator Leila De Lima.

In Other News…
After typhoon Karen, there was super-typhoon Lawin. Tama na. Mother Nature should stop sending us destructive forces that kill. We already have our government.
______________________________________________________________________________________
“Surrender is no guarantee that an armed police officer will not shoot you.”
~Steven Magee

Sound Bites
“Your stay in my country was for your own benefit. So time to say goodbye, my friend.”
~President Duterte to US, speaking in Beijing

Wait for the interpretations.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos/Videos US Embassy Protest: Inquirer.Net; Default Image Pic and Duterte Image: Agence France Presse]





THE INTERPRETERS

13 09 2016

Sound Bites
“I have explained to [Duterte] about Mary Jane’s situation and I told him that Mary Jane [has been found guilty] for carrying 2.6 kilograms of heroin. I also told him about the delay in the execution during the meeting. President Duterte then said, ‘Please go ahead if you want to execute her.’”
~Indonesian President Jokowi Widodo

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INDONESIAN President Jokowi Widodo said President Duterte had given him the go signal to execute Mary Jane Veloso, a Filipina drug convict. Yasay, Piñol, Dureza, and Abella have already denied the report that first came out in the Jakarta Post. I suggest that Filipinos withhold judgment until the OTHER interpreters – Andanar, Cualoping, Panelo, Cayetano, Calida and Mocha have issued their own statements.

DFA Secretary Perfecto Yasay Jr. said President Duterte actually told Indonesian President Widodo he “respects their judicial processes.” The conversation turned awkward when Widodo allegedly replied, “Respect your own judicial processes too.”

Secretary Yasay described the headline of The Jakarta Post as “erroneous.” The Jakarta Post described Yasay’s reaction as “templated.”

In yet another version, presidential spokesman Ernesto Abella quoted the President as telling Widodo, “Follow your own laws.” To which, Widodo reportedly answered, “What do you know about following laws?”

President Duterte of the Philippines has given the Indonesian government the go signal to execute Mary Jane Veloso according to The Jakarta Post. Just so you know, The Jakarta Post is the largest English-language ‘bias,’ ‘yellow’ newspaper in Indonesia

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Latest Development
Adam Harvey, a Jakarta-based journalist reported Tuesday the latest on the Maryjane Veloso issue. Harvey said “Jokowi is not backing down over his account of Duterte’s controversial statements.” That means it’s Jokowi’s word against Duterte’s, and Piñol’s and Abella’s and Dureza’s and Yasay’s.

Snubbed
Last week in Laos, presidential adviser Jesus Dureza said President Duterte “was not feeling well” so he skipped the Obama-Asean leaders meeting. But just the other day, Duterte revealed he actually skipped the meeting “purposely” because “I do not like the Americans.” The revelation made Duterte look like a ‘principled leader’ and Dureza, a ‘stupid liar.’

Out, Now!
On Monday, President Duterte called for the withdrawal of American troops in Mindanao. His exact words were: “The special forces, they have to go.” The announcement came as a shock to American soldiers, Washington DC, and Pia Wurtzbach.

Out, Now! II
On Monday, President Duterte said, “The US special forces, they have to go!”
The next day:
DFA Sec. Perfecto Yasay: Duterte made the statement in the CONTEXT of wanting to SAVE Americans.

Defense Sec. Delfin Lorenzana: The President said it is up to the US to pull out for their safety.

Presidential spokesman Ernesto Abella: He is not telling US troops to leave. It’s just a warning.

The statements prompted President Obama to send the three officials a thank you note saying, “I appreciate your efforts, sanitary engineers!”

Change
Last month, President Duterte told the media he wanted to change the name of Malacañang. Rumors say he has decided on a new name. Inspired by his spokesmen and interpreters, Malacañang will be known soon as “Babel Palace.”

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Revisionism I
The government-run website, Official Gazette drew flak for editing and “sanitizing” an entry about the late dictator, Ferdinand Marcos. Some news reports say the revision may have been done by a certain Marcos Angelo Cabrera, who used to work for Bongbong Marcos but now writes for the Official Gazette. Netizens had reason to believe that the culprit was Cabrera because the edited Marcos entry ended with the hashtags #LaylayanYourFace #WinADateWithSandro and #MartialLawNeverHappened.

Revisionism II
Solicitor General Jose Calida says Filipinos who oppose the burial of the late dictator Ferdinand Marcos at the Libingan ng mga Bayani are “bitter” who “cannot forgive.” Apart from being the solicitor general, Calida is also a contributor at the Official Gazette.

Plot
President Duterte says LP members are to plotting to oust him. The accusation was clearly a joke since there’s hardly any LP members left.

Miss Universe 2017
As we all know, the Miss Universe pageant will be held in Manila in January 2017. Malacañang is reportedly offering our candidate, Maxine Medina the services of its interpreters. She politely declined.

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Train To Busan’
An unknown virus ‘infects’ people causing aggressive and violent behavior. Those who are ‘infected’ attack others even without provocation. But enough about rabid Duterte supporters. Let’s talk about the movie, ‘Train To Busan.’ It’s a thrilling zombie apocalypse flick. May puso. Go watch it.
———————————————————————————————————————————————————–
“With great power often comes great confusion.”
~ Dan Allen, Seam in Action

Elsewhere
The New York Times: How Countries Like the Philippines Fall Into Vigilante Violence
“Once violence becomes an acceptable means for settling disputes and exerting power, it is difficult for people to trust any other system. State officials have little standing to demand that people follow the rule of law when the state itself has been encouraging lawless violence.”

Sound Bites
“Quite frankly, I have not heard that statement, and I would like to understand in what context did the President say that also. But I will insist and tell you the truth that the reason he was not able to attend these two meetings was because he was not feeling well.”
~DFA Sec. Perfecto Yasay Jr., 9.13.2016 – despite the President’s statement that he skipped the US-Asean meeting “on purpose”

‘Tang ina. Ang daming nagsasalita. Umayos nga kayo.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: The Jakarta Post, Adam Harvey, Biography.com]





IMORAL! ADIK! BOBO! ATBP. KWENTO

17 08 2016

1Duperfect
THINK YOU’RE UPDATED? Find out by answering this current events fun quiz. Kapag na-perfect n’yo, bibigyan kayo ng puwesto sa gobyerno. ‘Yan naman ang uso! Good luck!

1: Sa kanyang talumpati sa Camp Crame, tinawag na “immoral woman” ni President Duterte si Sen. Leila De Lima dahil may “lover” daw ito. Bakit ito nasabi ng Pangulo?
A: Dahil sa panahong ito, mas tanggap ng mga Pilipino ang pumatay ka kaysa magkaroon ka ng kabit
B: May karapatang magsabi ng gano’n ang Presidente dahil never siyang nambabae. Perfect husband siya.
C: Actually, nagbibiro lang ang Pangulo; pampaingay lang ‘yon para ma-promote ang bago niyang showbiz-oriented talk show sa Channel 4.

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2: Ayon kay Manny Pacquiao (na ibinoto n’yong senador), dapat ilibing sa Libingan ng mga Bayani ang namayapang diktador na si Ferdinand Marcos. Paliwanag ni Manny, “Huwag tayong magalit kung anuman ang nagawa niya.” Bakit daw?
A: Dahil mga bobo tayo
B: Dahil paninira lamang ‘yon kay Marcos
C: Dahil sabi raw sa Romans 12:5, “Ang ‘di mag-move on, bitter!”

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3: Still on Pacquiao, sa kanyang kauna-unahang privilege speech bilang senador, inihayag nito ang suporta niya sa death penalty. Ayon kay Manny…
A: “Si God nga pinatay halos lahat ng tao sa buong mundo sa pamamagitan ng baha, tayo pa kaya?”
B: “Masyado nang maraming bobo at istupido sa bansang ito. Magbawas tayo.”
C: “Kahit naman walang death penalty, marami na ring pinapatay ngayon. So parang ganun na rin. Sanayan lang!”

1KBordador
4: Anong lesson ang mapupulot sa pagkakaaresto sa magkasintahang drug suspects na sina Karen Bordador at Emilio Lim?
A: Hindi marunong “manlaban” ang mga suspect na nakatira sa condo.
B: Kapag mababango, mugshots. Kapag dugyutin, shots lang.
C: Kapag may pangalan, mugshots. Kapag nameless, cardboard.

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5: Nag-leave na ang kapatid ni Quezon City Mayor Herbert Bautista na si Councilor Hero Bautista upang magpa-rehab. Sa privilege speech sa harap ng konseho, sinabi ni Hero na “biktima” siya ng droga. Ano kaya ang reaksyon ng droga?
A: “Biktima?!? Kami ba ang lumapit? Kami ba ang gumamit?! Nakakaloka ka!”
B: “There’s a Hero… if you look inside your heart. You don’t have to be afraid of what you are.”
C: “Sisihin talaga kami?! Pwes, dahil marupok ka naman pala, magpalit ka na ng pangalan. Victim Bautista, mas bagay sa ‘yo ‘yan. Tse!”

1JoeySal
6: Ayon kay Albay Governor Joey Salceda, ano raw ang dapat sisihin sa paglala ng traffic ngayon sa EDSA?
A: Lumalaking populasyon ng mga bading
B: Kotse ng mga pulitikong balimbing
C: Lubak-lubak na kalsada

1Schooling
7: Matapos iuwi ng swimmer na si Joseph Schooling ang kauna-unahang gold medal ng Singapore sa Summer Olympics, sinaliksik ng local media ang buhay nito at napag-alaman nilang Filipina ang yayang nagpalaki sa atleta: si Yolanda Pascual. Pero alam n’yo bang may “kunek” din pala sa Pilipinas ang pinakamahusay ngayong female Olympic gymnast na si Simone Biles ng US? Hulaan n’yo kung ano.
A: Ang biological parents ni Simone Biles ay may kapitbahay na South Korean na laging kumakain sa restaurant kung saan nagtatrabaho ang kanyang best friend na Mexican na ang ex-boyfriend ay minsang may nakasabay na Pinoy sa CR! Amazing!
B: Si Simone Biles ay may height lamang na 4’9” na ‘di nalalayo sa height na 4’11” ng dating pangulo ng Pilipinas na si Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. Ang lapit!
C: Si Simone Biles ay mula Milky Way Galaxy kung saan located ang ating Solar System na kinaroroonan ng planetang Earth kung saan matatagpuan ang Estados Unidos na bahagi ng Asia-Pacific Region na kinabibilangan din ng Pilipinas. Nakaka-proud!

1Ellen
8: Inakusahan ng pagiging racist si Ellen DeGeneres dahil sa picture na ito na lumabas sa official Twitter account ng kanyang talk show. Ano ba ang sabi niya sa tweet?
A: “My new pet is amazing!”
B: “Horsin’ around before our taping.”
C: “Off to the jungle!”

1Chiz
9: Ano ang ibig sabihin nito?! Paki-explain!
A: Ito ang unang phase ng transition ni Senator Chiz. Supportive naman si Heart – in fairness.
B: Tapos na ang special course niya sa TESDA. OJT na.
C: Confeeeeeeeeermed!

1Romance
10: Sa Cagayan De Oro City, ipinagbabawal ng Golden Heritage Polytechnic College ang pagkakaroon ng “intimate relationship” sa pagitan ng mga lalaki at mga babaeng estudyante. Ano ang masasabi n’yo?
A: Puwede bang itama muna ang grammar sa tarp bago pakialaman ang personal na buhay ng mga estudyante?!
B: Kung bawal ang relasyon sa pagitan ng male and female students, pwede bang male to male o female to female? #LoveWins
C: Sa nakaisip ng panuntunang ‘yan: huwag kang bitter! Kung masama ang experience mo noon, huwag kang mandamay! Pangit!

Bonus Question: Kaninong diet ito?
1Diet
A: Sen. Franklin Drilon
B: Olympic silver medalist Hidilyn Diaz
C: Jessy Mendiola
Guess first then click here for the answer.
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“A hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation.”
~Adlai E. Stevenson II

Sound Bites
“It’s so foul, it’s character assassination. We are both professionals, the President and I. We are both public servants. I hope he doesn’t resort to those foul means. To me, that’s very foul.”
~Sen. Leila De Lima on President Duterte’s personal tirades

Stay safe.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Inquirer.Net; Karen Bordador/BF: PNP-PIO; Marcos: Edd Gumban/Philstar; Hero Bautista: Richard Reyes/PDI; Manny Pacquiao: Grig Montegrande/PDI; Salceda: GMA Network; Yolanda/Schooling: Singtel; The Ellen Show; CDO: ABSCBNNews; Heart/Chiz: Happy Skin]





TYPHOONS 2016: The Complete List

12 08 2016

philippines-extrajudicial-killings
IT’S TYPHOON season again in the Philippines. Narito ang listahan ng mga bagyo ngayong taong ito. Gawin ang kaukulang pag-iingat.

Typhoon Duterte
Pabugsu-bugso ngunit napakalakas. Maraming iniiwang patay sa mga lugar na dinadaanan. Mapanganib lalo na sa mga ordinaryo at mahihirap na naninirahan sa matataong lugar.

Typhoon Duterte II
Predictable ang galaw ng bagyong ito. Hahagupit ‘tapos magbabago ng ihip ng hangin ‘tapos hahataw na naman. Nalilito tuloy ang mga weather specialists at nauuwi sa iba’t ibang interpretasyon ang kanilang forecast.

Typhoon Gloria
Nakaalis na ang bagyong ito ngunit muling bumalik at patuloy na lumalakas.

Typhoon Marcos
Maraming pinatay at pinahirapan ang bagyong ito. Hanggang ngayon, marami pa rin ang nawawala. Sagaran din ang pinsalang idinulot nito sa ekonomiya. Ang nakalulungkot lang, iba ang kumakalat na impormasyon ngayon: dapat pa nga raw pasalamatan ang dalang ulan ng bagyong ito dahil naiwasan ang tagtuyot sa ilang lugar.

Typhoon Gina Lopez
Matindi ang bagyong ito lalo na kapag nag-landfall. Kadalasang tumatama ang sentro ng bagyo sa ang mga minahan.

Typhoon Andanar
Kulog at kidlat pa lang nito, mahuhulog ka na raw sa upuan. Mapapaiyak ka rin umano sa dala nitong ulan. But don’t worry, sa forecast lang naman ‘yan. Sa totoong buhay, sakto lang naman.

Typhoon Bato
Enjoy na enjoy ang bagyong ito lalo na kapag pinag-uusapan at napi-feature sa mga reports at interviews sa media. Matitindi rin ang mga buntot ng bagyong ito. Take cover ka na lang at ‘wag na ‘wag ‘manlalaban.’

Typhoon Panelo
Isang lumang sama ng panahon na nakaipon ng sapat na lakas recently lang kaya’t na-classify bilang bagyo. ‘Wag n’yo na lang katakutan. ‘Di naman siya talaga kalakasan. Feeling lang niya.

Typhoon Bongbong
Ang buntot ng Typhoon Marcos. Muntik nang manalasa sa bansa ngunit maagang namonitor ng PAGASA ang galaw kaya’t nakapaghanda ang mga tao. May panganib pa ring dala at posibleng bumalik kaya pinapayuhang maging vigilant ang publiko.

Typhoon Binay
Ang palatandaang paparating ang bagyong ito ay ang nakakatakot na pagdidilim ng kalangitan. Napakalakas ng bagyong ito. BEFORE. Nang pumasok ang Typhoon Duterte, na-push ito papalayo at tuluyan nang humina.

Typhoon Joma
Napakatagal nang binago ang kategorya ng weather disturbance na ito. Mula sa pagiging typhoon, na-classify ito bilang low pressure area na lamang. Ngunit kung kumilos ay astang bagyo pa rin ito kahit wala na sa Philippine Area of Responsibility.

Typhoon Pacquiao
Huwag magtaka kung mamatay ka pagdaan ng bagyong ito. Tandaan: Pabor si God sa death penalty kaya ‘pag namatay ka, ibig sabihin, kagustuhan ni God ‘yon. Pinarurusahan ka niya. Nasa Bible ‘yan. Check n‘yo.

Typhoon Pacquiao II
Maraming factors kung bakit nabubuo ang isang bagyo. Sa kaso ng bagyong ito, walang dapat sisihin kundi ang kapabayaan at katangahan na rin ng mga tao. Sisihin n’yo ang mga sarili n’yo. Mga gunggong!

Typhoon Mocha
Ang bagyong walang masyadong ulan – pero mahangin. That’s all. Thank you!
———————————————————————————————————————————————-
“Arrogance combined with stubbornness is a ticking bomb.”
~Unarine Ramaru

Sound Bites
“Sana nga, sabun-sabunan niya yung bibig niya dahil medyo naliligaw na naman.”
~Prof. Clarita Carlos, political analyst on President Duterte who recently called the US ambassador “bakla” and “son of a bitch”

Elsewhere
An emphatic minority by Shakira Sison
“Hello there! Here is my homeland, where the evening news proudly announces body counts. Where the daily number of casualties now equals great success. It’s the only place in the world where death means winning a war, the only country whose people are fine with civilians being killed on the spot.”

No to extrajudicial killing!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo: Typhoon: Charism Sayat/AFP Photo; EJK: Reuters]








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