RAMONA


“How do you solve a problem like Ramona?
How do you catch a kin and pin her down?
How do you find a word that means Ramona?
A flibbertijibbet! A sign-o’-her guilt! A clown!
~Ramona, from “The Sound of Muse Sick”

RAMONA BAUTISTA, Ramona Revilla, Maria Ramona Belen Magsaysay Bautista, Mara Revilla, Maria Ramona Gaddafi or whatever her name was had LEFT the country Friday night. Or maybe she was kidnapped, we don’t know. ‘Wag kayong judgmental!

Ramona Revilla had left the country. Expect her to surface near Star Mall in Las Piñas City soon.

Ramona Bautista, one of the suspects in the murder of her brother Ramgen left for Hong Kong early Friday night. Take that Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo!


Hours after retracting her statement that she was kidnapped by Ramgen’s assailants, Ramona Bautista left for Hong Kong Friday night. What a way to spend the long weekend!

Ramona Bautista was spotted at the departure area of NAIA terminal 1 Friday night. She was trying to cover her face with a red scarf… not with the Halloween mask she wore the night Ram was killed.

A furious Sen. Bong Revilla said he didn’t know about Ramona’s flight. Among other things.

On Friday night, Genelyn Magsaysay said goodbye to murder suspect Ramona Bautista… as Bong Revilla was saying goodbye to his vice presidential ambition!

Ramona Bautista has left the country. With the help of Google, she’ll be a good cook in 12 months.

Latest reports say Maria Ramona Belen Bautista is a married woman and that her husband is from Turkey. When the murder probe began, she chickened out.


This just in! In high school, Ramona Bautista was allegedly voted “most likely to get away with something gruesome.”

Right now, there are two kinds of people in the Philippines: those who believe that Ramona Bautista is guilty as hell, and Genelyn Magsaysay.

Murder suspect Maria Ramona Belen Magsaysay Bautista has left the country. Malacañang is blaming the previous administration of Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

In Other News
During yesterday’s YouTube Worldview live interview, President Aquino was asked by a kid if he still believed in Santa Claus. It would have been more interesting if the kid asked the President if he still believed in love.

Sen. Panfilo Lacson says he’s convinced that former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is planning to hide abroad amid her legal woes in the country. “Hey kettle! It’s pot. You’re black!”

Reports say a huge asteroid will pass closer to Earth than the moon on Tuesday. But NASA clarifies there is no chance that the object will collide with the Earth or moon. Seriously, I hope it collides with Ramona Bautista.
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“Murder is always a mistake – one should never do anything one cannot talk about after dinner.”
– Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Week
“Kung talagang umalis siya, this is a sign of guilt. ‘Di namin sha mapapatawad. Kahit kapatid namin sya dapat nyang panagutan ito. Bakit siya tatakbo in the first place kung wala siyang kasalanan? Lalo niyang inipit ang kapatid niya sa ginawa niyang ito. Si Genelyn (Magsaysay) galit sa akin, kung bakit ko raw tinurn over si Joseph sa kapulisan. Tayo’y maninindigan sa tama. The rule of law must prevail.”
~Sen. Ramon “Bong” Revilla Jr. reacting to reports that half-sister Ramona had left the country

Beware of This Cop
You Have Spoken
Naniniwala ka ba sa resulta ng imbestigasyon ng pulisya sa Ram Revilla murder case?
-OO Naman. 77.89%
-HINDI. Duda pa rin. 8.42%
-Pag-aaralan ko pa. 13.68%

Elsewhere
GMA News: Shocking crime stirs interest in Agimat’s prolific life

ABS-CBN News: Ramona Bautista’s last interview before she left the country

Have a great weekend! If you’re in Hong Kong, extend my regards to Ramona! Good luck!

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SUCCESS!

FORMER PRESIDENT Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s surgery was successful. It was so successful,the First Gentleman was reminded of the 2005 Batasan break-in.

Pampanga Representative Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s cervical spine surgery was successful. St. Luke’s Medical Center was quick to deny though that former PNP director general and now Zambales Governor Hermogenes Ebdane was involved in the operation.

The surgery that lasted four grueling hours reportedly involved placing implants in Mrs. Arroyo’s cervical spine. Asked to describe that particular ordeal, Mrs. Arroyo said, “It was a breast-taking experience.”

Hello, Garci!
Zaldy Ampatuan has spoken. Lintang Bedol has surfaced. Senior Supt. Rafael Santiago has spilled the beans. It could have been the year’s biggest blockbuster. Unfortunately, the fourth avenger, Virgilio Garcillano backed out of the project. Sayang!

In a press conference at his residence in Baungon, Bukidnon province Saturday, Virgilio Garcillano insisted that the “Hello Garci” recording was spliced… prompting former palace spokesman Ignacio Bunye to deny that he coached the former election official.

Virgilio Garcillano denied that he was in hiding. He was just running away from Anthony Taberna.

DUE TO INSISTENT public demand, I am reprinting excerpts from the purported bugged conversation allegedly between then President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and then, Comelec Commissioner Virgilio Garcillano.

(Conversation between a male and a female, May 29, 2004 20:43)
Female: Hello, Garshi?
Garshi: Ma’am?

Female: Shabi ko, hello Garshi! Hindi mo ba ako narinig!?
Garshi: Pizza Hut po ito ma’am.
Female: Ay shorry.

(Conversation between a male and a female, May 29, 2004 20:46)
Female: Hello Garshi?
Garshi: Pastilan! Ano bang kailangan mo? Pera na naman?!?@!$

Female: Gushto mong mawalan ng trabaho? Baka nakakalimutan mong ako ang nag-appoint sha ‘yo sha Comelec!?
Garshi: Ay sorry ma’am, akala ko asawa ko. Bale, mas mataas ho ngayon si FPJ. Pero pagdating ng Lanao, maco-compensate naman ho.

Female: So, I will shtill lead by one million?
Garshi: Parang ganun na nga ma’am ang lalabas.
Female: It cannot be less than 1 million, you know that.
Garshi: Pipilitin natin ma’am. As of the other day 982 thousand.
Female: Kaya nga. If we can get more from Lanao…
Garshi: May darating pa raw pong seven municipalities.
Female: Ok… ok Magpapamashahe lang ako kasi sumashakit ang leeg ko then tawagan na lang kita ulit.

(Conversation between a male and a female, May 29, 2004 20:43)
Female: Hello, Ben.
Ben: Hello, ma’am.

Female: Ano nang lagay natin? Mananalo ba?
Ben: Panalong-panalo ma’am! Pero kailangan nating pumunta ng Hainan para pirmahan ang contract with ZTE. Isang round of golf lang, aprubado na ‘to.
Female: Anong pinagshashabi mo d’yan! 2004 pa lang ngayon. Sa 2007 pa mangyayari ‘yan.
Ben: Ay sorry ma’am. Na-excite lang ako. Tatanong ko ho muna kay Bedol.
Female: Huwag mashyadong atat sa tongpats ok? Shige, will call you back.

(Conversation between a male and a female, June 10, 2004, 13:40)
Female: Hello, Garshi?
Male: Wala! Tulog! Umalis!

Female: Shino ‘to?
Male: Ikaw ang tumawag ‘tapos tatanungin mo kung sino ‘to? Helleeer?!!!
Female: I am shorry. Shiguro naman sha dami ng letter esh sa sentensh na ito, shuper giveaway na kung shino ako.
Male: Mrs. President??? Sus, ginoo! Pasensya na po! Hindi ko kayo nabosesan agad. Daaaaaaaddy, si Ma’am nasa telepono.

Garshi: Hello, ma’am? Sorry po, naglaro ng Snake ang asawa ko sa aking cellphone.
Female: Nag-usap na ba kayo ni Abalosh?
Garshi: Oo ma’am. Mamasyal daw muna ako sa Mindanao.
Female: May problema daw kasi sa South Upi. Iba raw ang pinroclaim.
Garshi: Hindi ho ako ang may hawak doon.
Female: Puntahan mo na. Kashi ang balita ko shi Fernando Poe gumagapang na naman doon.
Garshi: Napiktyuran ho ba habang gumagapang?
Female: Tanga! ‘Yong boto ang ibig kong sabihin. Masyado kang literal!
Garshi: Sige ma’am.
Female: Garshi…
Garshi: Ma’am?
Female: What are you wearing?
Garshi: Malaswaaa!
Female: Jussssh kidding! Tatawag ulit ako. Pumunta ka na sa Mindanao.

(Conversation between two females, June 14, 2004, 15:56)
Female 1: Hello Garshi?
Female 2: Sino Garci iyo tawag? Hindi ako Garci. Ikaw mali dial!

Female 1: Shorry, ahm, shino ‘to?
Female 2: Si Vicki ‘toh!
(Female 1 ibinato ang Nokia 7650. ‘Buti na lang sa sofa bumagsak)

(Conversation between a male and a female, June 16, 2004, 14:49)
Female: Hello Garshi?
Garshi: Ma’am?

Female: ‘Yong kabila raw, they’re trying to get the Namfrel copies of the municipal COCs.
Garshi: Wala ‘yon ma’am. Ok naman ang Namfrel sa atin. They’re now sympathetic to us.
Female: Pero does Namfrel match our tally?
Garshi: Oho.
Female: Sure ka? Paano ‘yong dagdag? ‘Yong dagdag?
Garshi: Ahm, we will get an advance copy para ma-remedyo.
Female: Ok, oo. Sige. Kumain ka na ba? Nagpahinga ka na?
Garshi: Sige ho ma’am, baka kung saan na naman mapunta ‘yan.
Female: Ok, ok. Shige.

And finally…
Female: Hello Garshi?
Garshi: Ma’am?

Female: Balita ko lalabash ka raw. Puwede ba nating pag-ushapan ‘yan?
Garshi: Nagbago na ho ang isip ko ma’am. Don’t worry.
Female: Ahhh, gano’n ba? Shige, pag successhful ang surgery ko bukas, may bonus ka sa akin.
Garshi: Sige ma’am. Get well soon po.
Female: Ok, ok.
(Conversation between a male and female recorded just last Thursday, July 28, 2011, 14:49)

Gecko Trade
The Senate committee on trade and commerce has begun its probe into the reported massive trading of tukô or geckos in the country. Among the invited resource persons were LTO Chief Virginia Torres and Kalookan City Mayor Recom Echeverri.

Tropical Storm
According to PAGASA, tropical storm Kabayan will exit the country on Wednesday. Asked if Kabayan could possibly return, PAGASA replied, “Depends on the offer of ABS-CBN.”

New Project
Nora Aunor is doing a drama series on TV5 and the network is reportedly looking for a leading man. Taking into consideration her “history,” TV5 is torn between Albie CASINO and Johnny Walker.
———————————————————————–
“A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future.”
~Author Unknown


Today in History
August 1, 2009: At the age of 76, former President Corazon Aquino died. And Noynoy Aquino’s political career lived.

Personal
To our Muslim brothers, Ramadan Kareem! Kul ‘am wa enta bi-khair!

You Have Spoken
Dapat bang ilipat from June to September ang opening ng classes upang makaiwas sa bagyo??
-OO. Dapat matagal nang ginawa ‘yan. 48.79%
-NO. Ok na ‘tong ganito. Puwede namang mag-suspend eh. 45.16%
-Pag-iisipan ko. 6.05%

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Have a great week ahead!

LAPSES

DID YOU MONITOR the Senate Blue Ribbon Committee’s hearing on the PCSO fund mess Wednesday? The hearing was attended by several bishops plus, of course, their savior, the senators.


At least eight bishops and a dozen senators converged Wednesday in the Senate. It was a face-off between pretentious, holier-than-thou, self-proclaimed devout Catholics, and bishops.

PCSO chair Margie Juico apologized for saying that the bishops received “Pajeros.” Sen. Jinggoy Estrada lectured Juico, and said “As a devout Catholic, it pains me to hear that our bishops are involved in anomalies here in our country.” To which, the bishops replied, “The feeling is mutual.”

Butuan Bishop Juan De Dios Pueblos admitted that he made a “lapse in judgment” when he asked for “a brand new car.” And in a move that shocked both the bishops and senators, Virgilio Garcillano issued a statement saying he never gave Pueblos a car.

Reading from a prepared opening statement, controversial Butuan Bishop Juan De Dios Pueblos admitted that he made a “lapse in judgement” in asking for “a brand new car” from former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. As soon as he was done reading, the other bishops held hands and started singing, “If We Hold on Together.”

Actress Susan Roces who was watching Bishop Pueblos on TV was like, “Ang sinungaling ay kapatid ng magnanakaw! You wrote that letter not once, but twice!”

Zaldy
Former governor Zaldy Ampatuan revealed that ex-president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo was involved in the election fraud in Maguindanao in 2007. Likewise, he  revealed that Jose Rizal was killed by the Spanish; the Earth revolves around the sun, and John Lennon was shot by Mark David Chapman.

Apparently, Zaldy Ampatuan wants to turn state witness. Against Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

Zaldy Ampatuan has initiated court proceedings to change his last name. He is seeking a little compassion and empathy from the public. Hopefully, the judge would grant his petition to use the surname Mangudadatu.

Lintang Bedol
Former Maguindanao election supervisor Lintang Bedol has surfaced and accused the Arroyos of masterminding the election fraud in Maguindanao in 2007. Oh, I thought Lintang Bedol was dead. Well, now he is.

Lintang Bedol has exposed the alleged massive poll fraud in Maguindanao in 2007. Following his revelation, Bedol expressed fear for his life while Miguel Zubiri expressed fear for his post.

With his revelations against the Arroyos and other officials of the previous administration, Lintang Bedol has expressed fear for his life. He now considers changing his name.

De Lima’s Lovelife
Interviewed on ANC’s Strictly Politics, Justice Secretary Leila De Lima, whose marriage was annulled in 2001, admitted that she has a boyfriend. The 51-year-old single mom refuses to identify the guy nor his background but reveals she has six (new) witnesses to prove her claim.

Justice Secretary Leila De Lima has a lovelife. Take that Mr. President!

Absent!
Among congressmen with the most number of absences in sessions, Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao placed fourth. In other words, he’s not present when solons deliberate on important issues. How are they able to tell?

Ang Galing Pinoy party-list Rep. Mikey Arroyo topped the list of absentees in the House of Representatives. In May 2011 alone, Mikey failed to attend a single session of the chamber. In totally unrelated news, Rufa Mae Quinto topped the list of absentees among “Showbiz Central” hosts for the month of May.
——————————————————————————————-
“Men of ill judgment ignore the good that lies within their hands, ‘til they have lost it.”
~Sophocles

Quote of the Week
“Manny’s a good friend, I actually love him. I love his tenacity, I love his competitiveness. So, Manny’s my guy.”
~NBA superstar Kobe Bryant on Manny Pacquiao

You Have Spoken
Dapat bang ipagbawal ang billboard ng mga naka-underwear na modelo/celebrities??
-Dapat lang. Offensive! 35.36%
-Hayaan na lang! Karapatan nila ‘yan. 26.15%
-Big deal? Ke meron o wala, wala akong pakialam sa mga ‘yan. 38.49%

Kobe! Kobe! Kobe!
It was an awesome experience – as always. Kobe’s fourth visit to Manila was the most attended. Araneta Coliseum was filled to the rafters. Laker and non-Laker fans trooped to the Big Dome Wednesday to see the Black Mamba.

Thank you again TJ Manotoc for the tickets. I was seated beside two Azkals, Jason Sabio and Simon Greatwich, whom I wrongly identified in my tweet as Rob Gier. Apologies.

Thank you Kobe for the visit. Lakers4ever.

Personal
I have a Twitter follower whose father, Mr. Lory Ordenes is a regular reader of this blog. Magandang araw po sa mga taga-Sablayan, Occidental Mindoro and thanks for reading sir!

Enjoy the rest of the week!

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HYPOCRITES, INC.

Intelligence Funds
During Thursday’s Senate hearing, it was revealed that in 2010 alone, the Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office released 150 million pesos for intelligence – higher than the AFP’s annual intelligence fund of 124.3 million pesos. Former PCSO General Manager Rosario Uriarte defended the disbursement of the amount saying the PCSO was able to neutralize Communist rebels, Muslim extremists, and the Abu Sayyaf Group.

PCSO General Manager Rosario Uriarte revealed that the letters of request for intelligence funds totaling 325 million pesos from April 2008 to Feb. 25, 2010 were approved by then President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. Uriarte was certain those were GMA’s signatures because she was just one foot away from her when she signed the documents.

JV vs. Mikey
Amid the PCSO fund controversy, former president Joseph Estrada’s son, San Juan Rep. JV Ejercito traded barbs with former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s son, Pampanga Rep. Mikey Arroyo. Here’s their fiery Twitter exchange:

@TheRealJVEjercito
For the reason that they have taken advantage of the Filipino people, they should be sentenced with life imprisonment.

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Palibhasa neophyte ka sa Kongreso kaya wala kang paggalang sa kapwa mo kongresista. Publicity lang ang habol mo.

@TheRealJVEjercito
Correction! Hindi publicity ang habol ko. Ang habol ko, maipakulong kayo!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Wow, ang linis. Sino bang na-sentensyahan ng life imprisonment dahil sa plunder? Eh ‘di ba ‘yong ama mo?

@TheRealJVEjercito
Hoy! For your information hindi pera ng gobyerno ang kinuha ng tatay ko!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Ah oo nga naman, jueteng money ‘yon. Pera ng tao. Eh ‘di mas malala!

@TheRealJVEjercito
May mas lalala pa ba sa pandaraya sa eleksyon ng ina mo!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Ina mo rin! Tapos na ang isyung ‘yan. ‘Wag mo nang ungkatin. Bitter ka lang dahil hindi nagtagal sa puwesto ang tatay mo! ‘Buti na lang at nabisto ang mga kickback niya sa jueteng!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Ah ganun!? Eh ‘yong kickback ng magulang mo sa NBN-ZTE deal? Kumusta naman?

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Hindi nasangkot ang nanay ko sa murder. Baka lang nalimutan mo, hindi pa sarado ang kaso nina Dacer at Corbito!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Fertilizer fund scam ng ina mo!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Boracay mansion ng ama mo!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Mas kaduda-duda naman ang mga mansion n’yo sa California!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
At least ang nanay ko, walang kabit at hindi marami ang asawa?

@TheRealJVEjercito
Rufa Mae Quinto!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
‘Wag kang mamersonal! Break na kami. Last year pa!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Hahaha! Wala ka nang maisumbat! Naubusan ka na talaga! Loser!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Anong wala? Kapatid mo si Jinggoy!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Eeew. Matagal ko nang tinanggap ‘yon!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Eh bakit s’ya hindi pa?!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Hindi ko na ‘yon problema. Tapos ka na? Ako marami pa! Hello na lang kay Mrs. Lilia Pineda! Tumbok na otsenta, sahod na kuwarenta! Hahaha

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Kung magsalita ‘to, para naman ‘yong ama niya eh hindi kumita sa mga Pineda!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Old issue!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Walang utang na loob! Kung ‘di dahil sa ina ko, nakakulong pa rin ang ama mo.

@TheRealJVEjercito
Walang kasalanan ang tatay ko.

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Babaero at lasenggo!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Rehashed.

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Sugarol!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Recycled.

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Bakla!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Tanga! Baka ‘yong kapatid ko.

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Haha! Addict ka talaga!

@TheRealJVEjercito
Ay siya rin ‘yon! Joooke! You didn’t hear it from me huh!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Sure! So pa’no? Ceasefire muna?

@TheRealJVEjercito
Oks lang. Dahil tomorrow naman ay Linggo, payag ako. Unsolicited advice lang: magsimba kayo!

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Bakit naman pati ‘yon pinapakialaman mo?

@TheRealJVEjercito
Wala naman. Concerned lang. Sa dami ng ibinabatong kaso sa ina mo, hindi lang doble kundi tripleng dasal ang kailangan n’yo.

@MightyMikeyArroyo
Wait, sino nga ulit ang bakla sa mga kapatid mo?

@TheRealJVEjercito
Ha-ha-ha Peace! Logout na ‘ko!
-END OF TWITTER EXCHANGE-

SUV-shops
The good news is seven bishops will return the PCSO money used to purchase their sport utility vehicles. The bad news is starting tomorrow (Sunday), there will be a second collection at the end of Mass.

Butuan Bishop Juan de Dios Pueblos says he is a victim of “character assassination.” Excuse me Bishop, but last time we checked, it was you who asked for “a brand new car, possibly a 4 x 4” for your birthday gift! There was hardly anything left of your character to “assassinate!”

Top 10 Things Overheard at the CBCP’s Bi-Annual Plenary Meeting Held Saturday, July 9, 2011

No. 10: “Ang tigas kasi ng ulo mo! Sinabihan na kita noon pa, lumayo ka na kay GMA. Hindi ka nakinig. O, anong napala mo?”

No. 9: “Sa ayaw at sa gusto n’yo, ibabalik natin! Ito lang ang paraan upang malinis ang pangalan ng Simbahan.”

No. 8: “Bishop, sino sa palagay n’yo ang ama ng ipinagbubuntis ni Andi Eigenmann? Albie Casiño o Jake Ejercito? | Ay! Mas pasok sa plangganang butas ‘yong Jake! In fairness! Forgive me Lord!”

No. 7: “Sino ba ang Elizabeth Angsioco na ‘yan at bakit ‘di n’yo mapatahimik?

No. 6: “Hello? Hello? Medyo chubby po kayo Madam President. Ang labo po ng linya n’yo. Hello? Nasa plenary meeting lang po ako. Let me return your call in a while. Yes Madam President. Yes. Huwag ho kayong mag-alala. Hindi ko kayo ilalaglag.”

No. 5: “‘Yong pito sa inyo na laman ng balita ngayon, umisip na kayo ng ibibigay na eksplanasyon sa Vaticano. Mga hinayupak kayo!”

No. 4: “Ito ay pagsubok lamang sa katatagan ng ating paninindigan laban sa RH Bill. Huwag kayong bibigay sa pressure ng mga kampon ng demonyo.”

No. 3: “Pareng Bishop, atin-atin lang ‘to huh! Nakita mo ba ‘yong binaklas na billboard ng Philippine Volcanoes sa Edsa? Grabe! Hindi ko kinaya. Luveeet!”

No. 2: “After ng plenary, kausapin n’yo na ang mga in-assign sa inyong abogado. Paturo na kayo ng isasagot para hindi kayo tatanga-tanga ‘pag tinanong kayo sa hearing next week.”

And the No. 1 thing overheard at the CBCP’s bi-annual plenary meeting held Saturday, July 9…

“Hindi naman ako ang unang nag-draft ng letter na ‘yon kay GMA eh. Hiniram ko lang ‘yong template ni Bishop ******. Bakit ‘yong sulat ko ang napag-initan ni Margie Juico at ng PCSO?”

Overseas
Last Tuesday, a Florida jury found Casey Anthony not guilty of killing her 2-year-old daughter Caylee in 2008. Anthony wasn’t happy though because just this morning, the DOJ and the NBI announced they had found at least six new witnesses against her.
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“We have two kinds of morality side by side: one which we preach but do not practice and another which we practice but seldom preach.”
~Bertrand Russell

You Have Spoken
Ayon sa ilang obispo, pinag-iinitan daw sila ng gobyerno. Makatwiran ba ang kanilang reklamo?
-Oo nga naman. Unfair ang trato sa kanila. 7.1%
-Hindi ‘no! Dapat lang silang imbestigahan! 85.8%
-Magbabasa muna ako. Huli na ‘ko sa balita. 7.1%

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SURPRISES

Corona Invited
Finally, the camp of President-elect Noynoy Aquino formally invited Chief Justice Renato Corona to his inauguration on Wednesday. Yes, after rejecting the guy, Noynoy now wants Corona to witness another SC justice swear him in. The Aquino camp says, “Nahhh, no big deal. We’re just adding his name to the guest list” to which a Corona ally replied, “Nahhh, you’re adding insult to injury.”

Reports say the camp of President-elect Noynoy Aquino has formally sent an invitation to Chief Justice Renato Corona for Wednesday’s inaugural. But Corona allegedly returned the invitation because the envelope contained two bleacher tickets.

Surprise Number
Maria Montelibano, head of President-elect Aquino’s media bureau says Noynoy will do a “surprise song number” at the street party on Wednesday, June 30. Montelibano declined to reveal the title of Noynoy’s song but rumors say he’s choosing between The Platters’ “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes” and Madonna’s “Like A Virgin.”

Star-Studded Concert
President-elect Noynoy Aquino will sing at the street party on June 30. Celebrities like Anne Curtis, Jed Madela, Jake Cuenca, Nina, Jovit Baldovino, Pokwang, Kim Chiu, Gerald Anderson, Vhong Navarro, Mariel Rodriguez, Rayver Cruz, Billy Crawford, Coco Martin, Melai Cantiveros, Jason Francisco, Matteo Guidicelli, Ejay Falcon, Queenie Padilla, Zaijan Jaranilla, Xyriel Manabat, and Pooh will also attend the event dubbed “ASAP meets Wowowee Live in Kyusi!”

President-elect Noynoy Aquino will perform at the street party at the Quezon City Memorial Circle on June 30 together with celebrities like Jake Cuenca, Jovit Baldovino, Pokwang, Kim Chiu, Gerald Anderson, Vhong Navarro, Rayver Cruz, Billy Crawford, Coco Martin, Melai Cantiveros, Jason Francisco, Matteo Guidicelli, Ejay Falcon, Queenie Padilla, and Zaijan Jaranilla. ABS-CBN is really excited. This by far will be the biggest event ever to be staged to welcome a new member of Star Magic.

Unity Concert
Maria Montelibano, head of President-elect Noynoy Aquino’s media bureau insists the celebration on Wednesday will be a “unity concert” because both Kapamilya and Kapuso artists will perform. She didn’t mention anything though about the Kapatid artists. In totally unrelated report, TV5 big boss Manny V. Pangilinan donated 15 million pesos to Joseph Estrada’s election campaign.

Top 5 Production Numbers that Could Surprise Us at the Street Party to Celebrate Noynoy Aquino’s Victory

No. 5: With Jed Maddela, Albay Governor Joey Salceda performing a Lady Gaga medley

No. 4: Dinky Soliman and the Hyatt 10 singing “If We Hold On (Together)” R&B version

No. 3: Kris Aquino and James Yap performing a duet of the Phil Collins classic “Separate Lives”

No. 2: Members of The Firm reviving the ‘90s hit “Back for Good” by the boy group Take That

And the No. 1 production number that could surprise us at the Noynoy Aquino street party on Wednesday, June 30…

Korina Sanchez dedicating the song “Kung Ako Na Lang Sana” to the new president

In Other News…
Outgoing president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo will preside her last Cabinet meeting on Tuesday, June 29. Mrs. Arroyo is reportedly getting emotional. You know, Malacañang will always have a special place in her heart. It’s where she saw her political maturity develop, her family expand, and her breasts grow.

Erap’s Daughter
Jerika Ejercito, daughter of former president Joseph Estrada with mistress Laarni Enriquez twitted, “Everyone on Facebook seems to agree with me that Lito Lapid is really and definitely a waste of space” to which the re-elected Kapampangan senator replied, “Whateber! ‘Di ko naman naintindihan ang English mo. Belat!”


Viveka Babajee, 37
Remember Miss Mauritius-Universe Viveka Babajee? The beauty queen-turned-model, and one-time talent of Annabelle Rama who fled the country in 1994 after being implicated in the Manila Film Fest scam was found dead of apparent suicide in India. The Gutierrezes will sponsor a mass for Babajee who was instrumental in making Ruffa Gutierrez ‘best actress’ – for 10 minutes.

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“Always mystify, mislead and surprise the enemy if possible.”
~Thomas J. Jackson

Survey Says
VP-Elect Jejomar Binay has declined any Cabinet post. Your take:
Okay lang ‘yon. No problem. 30%
Lagot! Nagtampo si Rambotito! 38%
Wala akong pakialam! 32%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Briefly Noted
Sharing you this witticism I found through a WordPress link:

The favorite sport of unemployed people is basketball.
The favorite sport of people earning minimum wage is football.
The favorite sport of people working in an office is baseball.
The favorite sport of CEOs is golf.
What’s the moral of this? As you move up in management, your balls get smaller

Reports say Noynoy Aquino’s favorite sport is shooting.
Hmmm.

Have a great week ahead!

GMA AT 62

birthdaygirl
Top 10 Ways the President Celebrated Her 62nd Birthday

No. 10: Hosted a Snow White-themed costume party. Guess who came as the 8th dwarf?

No. 9: When the clock struck 12, she wore a polka dot shirt and jumped up and down until she got tired.

No. 8: Participated in the reenactment of the annual Palm Sunday feast to commemorate the triumphant entry of Jesus into Jerusalem. She played the role of an ass.

No. 7: The same way she spent her 30th birthday. Let’s just say, the First Gentleman has never felt this “young” and exhausted again. (Eeew!)

No. 6: Was invited by a certain Mrs. Pineda to be the guest of honor in a special “President’s Birthday Draw” of a “numbers game” in her native Pampanga.

No. 5: Nothing much. Ash my father would alwayssh shay, jussht do what ish right. Do what ish bessht. And God will take care of the ressht.

No. 4: Declined the birthday presents from her children. Instead, she was the one who gave them gifts. For Luli, a book: Herb Kay’s “How to Get Filthy, Stinking Rich and Still Have Time for Great Sex!” For Mikey: an early endorsement for his 2010 gubernatorial bid in Pampanga, and for Dato: his own legislative district in Bicol.

No. 3: Got a surprise production number from her two sons Mikey and Dato, brother-in-law Iggy, and staunch House ally Prospero Nograles. They all performed the cha-cha.

No. 2: Didn’t sleep until 4am hoping she’d get a pre-dawn birthday call from US President Barack Obama.

And the No. 1 way the president celebrated her 62nd birthday…

Ordered the release of another high-profile murderer.

Happy birthday Mrs. President!

______________________
“No one is ever too old to do a foolish thing.”
~ J. Sheridan Le Fanu

Survey Says…
Are you spending the Holy Week outside Metro Manila?
Yes: 66%
No: 27%
Undecided: 7%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

UP NEXT:Ever wonder what would happen if our presidential contenders dropped the “kaplastikan” in their premature political advertisements, and become genuinely honest about themselves instead? In his next post, the Professional Heckler will bring you: Presidentiables: The Awful Truth in 60 Seconds (First In A Series of Suggested TV Advertisements).

Plus: A special Lenten post. Abangan!

LIARS

Squabble at the Senate
In a privilege speech delivered Wednesday night, Sen. Jamby Madrigal attacked Senate President Manuel Villar over alleged double insertions in the national budget. Jamby spoke, “We cannot have a nation run by a thief.” Monitoring Jamby’s speech on television, First Gentleman Mike Arroyo said, “O, what did I do? Ba’t nadamay na naman?!”

Taking potshots at Senate President Villar, Sen. Jamby Madrigal said, “Bumaba ka rito. Harapin mo at ipagtanggol mo ang sarili mo. Magpakalalaki ka!” to which Senator Villar said, “Sure! Magpapakalalaki ako… kung magpapakababae ka!”

Sen. Jamby Madrigal described Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano as an “attack dog.” Sen. Pia Cayetano protested the name-calling… mainly because that would make her a bitch.

Sen. Jamby Madrigal’s privilege speech was titled, “How to be A Villarnaire,” and talked about how Villar amassed his wealth. This has upset Congresswoman Cynthia Villar who noticed that she was not properly acknowledged.

Defending his partymate Villar, Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano said Jamby and Lacson were “liars who had been twisting facts.” Jamby and Ping retorted that Alan “was lying through his teeth.” Sen. Joker Arroyo has also assailed the “falsity” of Lacson’s allegation but Ping hit back and maintained that Joker was not telling the truth. Sen. Rodolfo Biazon said it was the first time for them to hear senators call one another liars but he wasn’t surprised… it was like hearing Clay Aiken tell the whole world he’s gay.

GMA in New York
In New York now where she addressed the UN General Assembly, President Arroyo held talks with UN delegations to push the candidacy of Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago for a seat in the UN International Court of Justice. In campaigning for Miriam, the president said, “Right now, at this very moment, she’s the least tainted member of the Philippine Senate.”

They’re Out!
American Idol runner up Clay Aiken has officially acknowledged he is gay. Two days later, singer Lindsay Lohan admitted her lesbian affair with DJ Samantha Ronson. There has been so much going on at the Philippine Senate, I wouldn’t be surprised if one or two would do a Clay or a Lindsay.

Txtline vs. the NPA
The military in Negros has launched a text hotline to fight the extortion activities of the New People’s Army. To counter the military, NPA rebels are bombing more cell sites on the island.

PHENOMENAL PACQUIAO

Manny Pacquiao Wins

Manny Pacquiao snatched the WBC lightweight title from David Diaz. Diaz reportedly earned 800 thousand dollars from the fight, his biggest paycheck ever. But that’s still nothing compared what GMA 7 & Solar Sports earned.

Mexican-American David Diaz gave no excuses after losing his WBC lightweight title. If Diaz were a Pinoy politician, Pacquiao would now be facing poll fraud allegations.

Filipino boxing hero Manny Pacquiao won his fourth world title yesterday. Pacquiao’s impressive victory has silenced David Diaz, Diaz’ American supporters, the Mexican community, – and Recah Trinidad.

null Postscript to a Sea Tragedy

A day after MV Princess of the Stars sank, Sulpicio Lines blamed the Philippine Coast Guard for the mishap. The next day, the management said it was an “act of God.” Then last Friday, the company was blaming the local weather bureau, PAG-ASA. Surviving relatives of the ill-fated ship’s passengers must prepare: they’re next.

Sulpicio Lines is suing PAG-ASA for gross negligence. If the court dismisses the case, Sulpicio Lines is suing typhoon “Frank.”

Sulpicio Lines has blamed nature, the Philippine Coast Guard, and the weather bureau for the maritime mishap that struck its vessel Princess of the Stars. The company’s so confused it’s blaming everybody. Now that would be much easier if Sulpicio Lines’ owners were leftists. They’ve only got GMA to blame.

Gloria and Obama null

Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama sent President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo a letter of apology for being unable to meet with her because of his busy schedule. Simply put, she’s not a priority.

Sen. Barack Obama apologized to President Arroyo for being unable to meet with her. The letter of apology was dated June 24, two days before their expected meeting. Simply put, pinaghandaan talaga ni Obama – ang ‘di nila pagkikita.

null Gloria and McCain

President Arroyo met today with Republican presidential candidate John McCain in Washington DC. The meeting lasted for only about 15 minutes mainly because the 72-year-old McCain has so many other things to do in life with only a few years left here on Earth.

Who’s Your Daddy?!? null

Last week, ABS-CBN chair Eugenio “Gabby” Lopez III said reporter Ces Drilon would still have to face administrative sanction for venturing into forbidden territory in violation of her bosses’ orders. Asked what could be the possible penalty, Lopez answered, “it might just be spanking.” “In that case, I will do it myself.” And we thought Ces has suffered enough at the hands of her captors.

null ABS-CBN chair Gabby Lopez said Ces Drilon would be sanctioned for violating her bosses at the news department. Asked what could be the possible penalty, Lopez answered, “it might just be spanking; I will do it myself.” In another story dismissed by Lopez as totally unrelated, study showed more female employees of ABS-CBN are sanctioned for various offenses than males, 10 to 1.

ABS-CBN Chair Gabby Lopez said Ces Drilon would have to be sanctioned for “endangering the lives of others” in Sulu. See the double standard there? Ces Drilon “endangered” the lives of others and she’ll be punished. Willie Revillame and Wowowee “took” the lives of others and he was rewarded.

Mike Arroyo’s Birthday null

First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo celebrated his 62nd birthday in New York on Saturday, June 28 with only his son Mikey and wife, President Arroyo beside him. But he still had so much fun… primarily because he felt he was with a clone and a clown.