IN

Investments
President Aquino is reportedly amazed at the very huge amount allocated by China to the Philippines. Unfortunately, nobody informed the President that it represents just half of China’s “downpayment” for our claim to the Spratlys.

Loveless
In a speech before the Filipino community in Beijing, President Aquino lamented that his lovelife has gone from regular to light to zero just like Coca-Cola. If the President was complaining about a basic human right, China’s not the right place to talk about it.

Lifted
Justice Secretary Leila de Lima lifted the watchlist order against Attorney Jose Miguel Arroyo last Thursday. This means that the former First Gentleman will no longer need to seek government permission when traveling outside the country – say, Algeria.
Terminated
Last Thursday, September 1, President Aquino announced that Customs Commissioner Angelito Alvarez’ last day in office will be on September 15. Too soon huh! Alvarez wasn’t complaining though since the media had already informed him of his termination way back in June.

Today is September 3, 2011. There are only 112 days until Christmas. For Commissioner Angelito Alvarez it’s “12 days before Good Friday.”

New LTFRB Chief
There is a new LTFRB chair – lawyer Jaime Jacob. He’s a member of the Liberal Party and he lost in last year’s elections. Or as President Aquino’s search committee would say, “just exactly what we’re looking for.”

Nereus Acosta has been appointed as acting general manager of the Laguna Lake Development Authority. Jaime Jacob is the new LTFRB chairman. Ruffy Biazon’s appointment to the Bureau of Customs is expected to be announced soon. Acosta, Jacob, and Biazon are all members of the Liberal Party who lost in the last elections. Observers describe them as loyal, hardworking, competent, and ‘political accommodations.’

Public Service Announcement

Ciara on RH Bill
Defending her father, Sen. Tito Sotto on his anti-Reproductive Health bill stance, starlet Ciara Sotto says, “Ang ipinaglalaban ni Daddy, huwag kayong mas marunong pa sa Diyos. I believe that God will not create a world na masyadong marami ‘yong mga tao.” Apparently, Ciara’s not aware of the existence of China.

Shalani’s New Guy?
President Aquino’s former girlfriend, Valenzuela City Councilor Shalani Soledad is reportedly dating Pasig City Rep. Roman Romulo. Meanwhile, Iza Calzado who recently broke up with model/businessman Atticus King reportedly dated President Aquino before the latter visited China. Standard and Poor’s has denied it was behind the double downgrade.

Urine
Mexican boxer Juan Manuel Marquez revealed that he drinks his urine. That’s nothing compared to former President Arroyo who eats her words.
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“Politics I supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.”
~Ronald Reagan

You Have Spoken
Do you segregate garbage at home?
-Absolutely. Dapat lang naman ‘di ba? 43.46%
-No. Ang hirap gawin eh. 21.99%
-Minsan lang. Kapag sinisipag. 34.55%

Personal
Congratulations to Direk Floy Quintos and Prof. (tama ba ako Lallie?) Layeta Bucoy for winning yet again in the prestigious Palanca Awards for Literature.

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Have a great weekend!

NI HAO!

The President in China
IN BEIJING, President Aquino and Chinese President Hu Jintao witnessed the signing of nine cooperation agreements covering a range of issues from economic to cultural and friendly ties to gagging Edwin Lacierda if necessary.

Traditionally, both leaders would exchange gifts from their respective countries. But since President Aquino brought something from the Philippines, which was later discovered to be “Made in China,” they decided to skip that tradition.

During his meeting with Chinese President Hu Jintao, President Aquino raised the issue of the Spratlys. And Edwin Lacierda raised his voice but was nonetheless pacified.

The two leaders’ discussion on the disputed islands lasted only five minutes – including the translation, and President Aquino’s coughing.

A memorandum of agreement on sports cooperation was also signed… with the Chinese government allowing the Philippines extended “use” of one of China’s own in international competitions – Chris Dy Tiu.

Reports say China-Philippines trade amounted to $27.7 billion in 2010, making China the country’s third largest trade partner. To which Joey Salceda said, “Chos!”

Filipino-Chinese businessmen are currently in Beijing with President Aquino. While in China, the President will trace the roots of his mother, Cory… while Lance Gokongwei will trace the roots of his sister Robina’s twin snake.

Chinese officials said they would tour the entire Philippine delegation to the Great Wall of China. When Foreign Affairs Secretary Albert Del Rosario heard this, he immediately thought of Emperor Shih Huang-ti. Businessman Lucio Tan recalled the reign of the Ming Dynasty. And President Aquino remembered those awesome scenes in “The Karate Kid 2.”

Lovelife
In a speech before the Filipino community in Beijing, President Aquino compared his lovelife to a brand of carbonated soft drink. He said, “Parang Coca Cola; noong araw regular, naging light, ngayon zero.” No wonder, his sex life is so much like San Miguel. You know, Super Dry.

According to President Aquino, his lovelife is like Coca Cola. “Noong araw regular, naging light, ngayon zero.” Never mind what other people would say Mr President. “Obey your thirst!”

Tabloid reports say it was a year ago in September when President Aquino and Valenzuela City Councilor Shalani Soledad split. If rumors are true, Shalani is organizing a party to celebrate the first anniversary of the break up.

In Other News…
President Aquino has named marketing and advertising executive Ramon Jimenez Jr. as new tourism secretary. Some sectors are keeping mum on his appointment until he unveils his tourism campaign slogan.

Overseas…
US President Obama has allocated financial aid for hurricane-ravaged counties in New Jersey. “Irene” was the worst disaster to hit New Jersey in recent years next only to Snooki.

Alaska=Cone
The PBA’s Alaska Milk has let go of head coach Tim Cone. Cone was quick to deny though his departure had something to do with the alleged missing 2000 containers of milk.
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“Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.”
~Will Rogers

Elsewhere
Philippine Daily Inquirer: How my sons lost their Tagalog, Sulat kay James Soriano

You Have Spoken
Sa artikulo ni James Soriano on the Filipino language…
-Opinyon n’ya ‘yon. Igalang natin. 28.37%
-Arogante! 55.81%
-Hindi ko pa nababasa. 15.81%

Enjoy the rest of the week! Merry Christmas!

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