LOST IN TRANSLATION

Top 12 Filipino Translations of Hollywood Movie Titles (Inspired by the Current Political Turmoil)

12: The Santa Clause: Ang Mabait na si Mike Defensor, Namimigay ng Pera

11: No Country for Old Men: Okay Sana si Salonga, Kaya Lang Matanda Na

10: There Will Be Blood: Bababa Ka Ba sa Puwesto o Hindi?!?

9: To Catch A Thief: Paano Hulihin Ang Unang Ginoo

8: Million Dollar Baby: Ang Kontrata sa ZTE

7: Invasion of the Body Snatchers: Itinakas sa NAIA

6: House of Flying Daggers: Ang Mababang Kapulungan ng Kongreso

5: Close Encounters of the Third Kind: Isang Gabi sa Piling Ni Neri

4: The Fast and the Furious: Mabilis Man Ang PSG, Naisahan Pa Rin Ng Mga Galit Na Madre

3: Liar Liar: Ang Pangulo

2: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Si Lozada, si De Venecia, at si Salceda (Bitch!)

And the No. 1 Filipino Translation of a Hollywood movie title…

1: Deliver Us From Evil: Ilayo Mo Kami sa Malakanyang

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AND THE OSCAR GOES TO…

GMA and People Power

President Arroyo snubbed the celebration of the 22nd anniversary of People Power 1 at the People Power monument in Quezon City. That’s exactly the reason why this year’s celebration… was actually more meaningful.

GMA on Corruption

On the eve of the People Power I anniversary, President Arroyo spoke, “Maraming galit sa kurapsyon. Gayon din ako.” That’s the reason why she’s not been talking lately to the First Gentleman.

JDV to GMA: Resign!

Ousted House Speaker Jose De Venecia has joined calls for President Arroyo to step down. Those who care, taas ang kamay.

JDV to GMA: Resign! II

Former House Speaker Jose De Venecia has joined calls for President Arroyo to step down. De Venecia claimed he has given Mrs. Arroyo 100 days to start leading a moral revolution but she ignored him. But to be fair to Mrs. Arroyo, she’s not the only one who ignored him. Everyone did.

Erap to GMA: Resign!

After weeks of dilly-dallying, former president Joseph Estrada has finally joined calls for President Arroyo to resign. Isa ka pa!

Impeachment vs. GMA

Akbayan Rep. Risa Hontiveros-Baraquel said, “If by July, GMA has not resigned, we will file an impeachment case against her.” Fellow solons who heard the threat smiled: they can smell the stench of Christmas in July. (Tawaran portion na naman!)

And the Oscar Goes To… null

null Diablo Cody won an Oscar for writing the script of the film Juno. Cody was an exotic dancer before today’s win. The exact opposite happened to our own Tessie Aquino-Oreta. She had to win a Senate seat first before she became a dancer.

And the Oscar Goes To… II

In Hollywood, an Oscar was given to a Diablo. Sus! Wala ‘yan! In the Philippines, it’s the presidency.

And the Oscar Goes To… III

Many Filipinos skipped the Edsa rites Monday and stayed home to watch the live telecast of the Oscars… curiously forgetting that joining the celebration would have placed them near some of the country’s best actors and actresses.

For those who missed the telecast of the Academy Awards, here’s the complete list of winners.

I was away for three days so here’s a bonus post:

Top 10 Things That We Really DON’T Want to Know

10: The smell of Sen. Jamby Madrigal’s fingers in the morning

9: How Joey Salceda would look like in a tutu

8: What Miriam Defensor-Santiago utters in bed when she has reached org*sm

7: What Sen. Manny Villar looks like minus his toupee

6: Who is more sexually satisfied: Loi Estrada or Gina De Venecia

5: How Noli De Castro would fare if CNN’s Christiane Amanpour would conduct a one-on-one interview with him on economics and world affairs

4: The total amount of public money spent by congressmen and senators each year to sustain their wives’ and kids’ luxurious lifestyle

3: The exact thing that goes through the mind of the nuns at La Salle Greenhills when they see Jun Lozada in sando and shorts

2: The person whom Romulo Neri considers “the best ever in bed”

And the No. 1 thing we really don’t want to know…

1: Whether the president is a moaner or a screamer

Personal

It’s so inspiring to know that serious journalists are visiting my blog. I’d like to thank Newsbreak peeps for droppin’ by my site and actually quoting a line from my Valentine’s day post in the news magazine’s article posted today, February 25.

Enjoy the rest of the week.
Oh btw… islet-hopping in Boracay was awesome!

ARF!

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JOEY SALCEDA’s off-tangent remark on President Arroyo was half-amusing, half-disturbing. If her own men wouldn’t respect her, who else will? Let me start this post by quoting a portion of a ’90s hit from singer/songwriter/guitarist Meredith Brooks. (I actually imagine GMA singing this tune.) The title of the song? BITCH.

“I’m a bitch, I’m a lover
I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed.”

Eksakto ba?

Salceda and GMA

Economic adviser and Albay Governor Joey Salceda described President Arroyo as “the luckiest bitch.” ‘Yan po ang dahilan kung bakit lagi siyang napapaligiran – ng mga tuta.

Salceda and GMA II

Albay Governor Joey Salceda says President Arroyo is a “lucky bitch.” Sought for a reaction, the president didn’t say a word. She barked! (Arf!)

Salceda and GMA III

In a forum at the Ateneo De Manila campus in Makati City, Albay Gov. Joey Salceda remarked that President Arroyo’s “a bitch.” So what does that make then of Mikey, Dato, and Luli? ‘Naknamput*?!? (Mean!)

Salceda and GMA IV null

Albay Governor Joey Salceda said that he was “just joking” when he made his “bitch” remark on President Arroyo – something that was totally unnecessary because, with or without a joke, he already looked like a punch line.

IN OTHER NEWS…

KC vs. Hunger

The United Nations World Food Programme has named young star KC Concepcion as the Philippines’ ambassador against hunger… mainly because every time Filipinos stare at her mother Sharon – busog na sila.

Gina’s Rant

Of late, Gina De Venecia, wife of ousted House Speaker Jose De Venecia has been hurling allegations after allegations against Mrs. Arroyo and her administration. Because of this, she has been chosen as the newest endorser of a dietary supplement – Charantia Ampalaya… kahon pa lang bitter na!

(P)RESIDENT EVIL

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Neri and GMA

Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada revealed that Commission on Higher Education Chairman Romulo Neri once described President Arroyo as “evil.” Well, that explains why three impeachment complaints didn’t work on her. Maybe, an exorcism will.

Neri and GMA II

According to Jun Lozada, CHEd Chairman Romulo Neri described President Arroyo as “evil.” Now we know why the CBCP is so afraid of her.

Neri and GMA III

CHEd Chairman Romulo Neri described President Arroyo as “evil.” Now we know why she could speak 15 different languages, some of which ordinary Filipinos wouldn’t normally understand.

Neri and GMA IV

According to Jun Lozada, CHEd Chairman Romulo Neri called President Arroyo “evil.” So what does that make of Mikey, Dato and Luli? Anak ng De*onyo?!? Ouch!

Neri and GMA V

An incensed Mikey Arroyo lashed out at Jun Lozada for saying that Romulo Neri had described his mother as evil. Mikey allegedly threatened that if their paths crossed, he would attack Lozada… with his horns.

Neri Will Stay

Amid calls for him to step down and abandon President Arroyo, CHEd Chairman Romulo Neri said he “had no reason to and I have no intention to resign.” Romy Neri is now officially… possessed.

Money for Lozada

The good news? The “sanctuary fund” being raised by the Senate for Jun Lozada has reached 500,000 pesos. The bad news? That’s just one fourth of his kids’ tuition at La Salle Greenhills.

Money for Lozada II

The good news? The “sanctuary fund” being raised by the Senate for Jun Lozada has reached 500,000 pesos. The bad news? That’s just half of the interest he needs to settle with Citibank.

In Other News…

Sen. Bong Revilla was hospitalized because of chest pains making him unavailable in the ongoing Senate hearings. If it’s any consolation, hindi halata.

JDV and the 2004 Polls

Pangasinan Rep. Jose De Venecia Jr. will file a resolution seeking to probe the alleged cheating in the 2004 elections. Uyyy, may nagpapapansin.

JDV and the 2004 Polls II

The good news from Pangasinan Rep. Jose De Venecia Jr.: he’s reportedly filing a House resolution seeking to investigate the alleged cheating in the 2004 elections. The bad news for him – we already have a hero in Jun Lozada. He should pretend to be one some other time.

From My Inbox

Lozada: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Chinese

Atienza: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Hawaiian

Lacson: 1/2 Pinoy, 1/2 Pinay

Jamby: 1/2 Boy, 1/2 Girl

Enrile: 1/2 GMA, 1/2 Erap

GMA: 1/2

LIVIN’ LA BIDA LOZADA

WHILE I TEND TO believe that Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada Jr. could in fact be telling the truth, I do not consider myself as a fan. For all we know, he’s made millions for himself as consultant for other onerous government projects or transactions. But that’s another story.

This morning, former President Corazon Aquino with the Ateneo and the De La Salle communities hosted a thanksgiving mass for Lozada.

This post was inspired by the outpouring of support for the man who would have approved the ZTE NBN deal anyway if brokers agreed to a 65 million dollar-kickback ONLY instead of a staggering 130 million dollars.


Top 5 Rumored Plans of an Unidentified Anti-Arroyo Cult to Show Its Undying Support for the Beleaguered Jun Lozada

5: Organize the “Jun Lozada Friendly Games” between the De La Salle Green Archers and the Ateneo Blue Eagles. Performing at half-time will be the 2007 UAAP Cheerdance Champs: The UP Pep Squad!

4: Seek the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines’ support for the “2 o’clock AM” habit – a daily pre-dawn prayer to commemorate Lozada’s 2am press conference at La Salle Greenhills.

3: Ask the La Salle Brothers to erect a statue of Lozada at the gates of La Salle Greenhills.

2: Citing his popularity, launch a signature campaign to persuade him to run for president in 2010.

And the No. 1 rumored plan of an Anti-Arroyo cult to show its undying support for the beleaguered Jun Lozada…

1: Submit to the Vatican an initiative for his beatification. The shepherd of the Australian goats will then be known as Blessed Jun Lozada.

Have a productive week!

“TAMA NA, SOBRA NA…”

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The Makati City Rally

Some 10,000 protesters gathered in Makati City Friday to demand the resignation of President Arroyo. The protesters echoed the slogan “Tama na, sobra na, kilos na.” During the Marcos years, it was “Tama na, sobra na, palitan na.” Asked why they didn’t use “palitan na” this time, organizers had the same answer: Noli De Castro.

The Makati City Rally II

Makati City Hall employees were the luckiest people yesterday. It was pay day, ’twas a special non-working day (for them), and chances are, they got “extra” pay for joining the rally.

JDV III and the Makati City Rally

At the same rally, Joey De Venecia spoke to the crowd and said, “You, thieves, get out of Malacañang!” Apparently, the young De Venecia would like to get even because Malacañang was instrumental in ousting the chief of thieves at the House of Representatives a couple of weeks back.

JDV III and the Makati Rally II

Speaking before thousands of anti-GMA protesters in Makati City, Joey De Venecia, son of Jose De Venecia III and losing bidder in the National Broadband Network project revealed that it was his “calling to serve the country and the Filipino masses.” Overheard from a small group of rallyists: “Tang-in* naman, gaguhan na yata ito eh. Uwi na lang kaya tayo?!”

Plot Versus GMA

The Philippine National Police bared an assassination plot against President Arroyo by the terrorist group Jemaah Islamiyah. Kayo naman oo, nananahimik ‘yong mga tao, dinadamay n’yo pa.

Plot Versus GMA II

President Arroyo will attend the annual fiesta celebration in Binalonan, Pangasinan today despite the reported assassination plot of Abu Sayyaf and Jemaah Islamiyah extremists. After all, no Islamic terrorist in his right mind would travel from Basilan to Binalonan just to kill her. (Kapagod ang biyahe huh!)

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Plot Versus GMA II

Following reports of an assassination plot against her, President Arroyo was seen wearing a St. Benedict’s medallion, believed to protect the wearer from danger. That explains why the First Gentleman never had the chance to come near her.

Neri and the Opposition

Former Socioeconomic Planning Secretary Romulo Neri has confirmed his secret December 2007 meeting with opposition senators Jamby Madrigal and Panfilo Lacson. Asked why he chose to talk to Jamby and Ping, Neri allegedly replied, “Among our senators, I find them to be the most gender sensitive.”

null Corny Corner

Jamby: I’ll sue you for obstruction of justice!
GMA (a la Lolit Solis): So sue me!
Jamby: Huwag na nga lang. Hindi kita type!

ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND!

POLITICS & LOVE

Top 10 Valentine’s Day Messages

10 To: Jamby
From: Pia Cayetano

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I bet you enjoy “flowers”
More than Neri & John O do

9 To: Jose De Venecia
From: Your former allies in Congress

With heavy hearts we made it happen
The Speakership was declared open
The hell we care if we’re a bunch of dork
Between him and GMA?!
Our choice is… pork!

8 To: Joey DV III
From: Joe DV Jr.

You made Daddy so proud
When you stood up for truth
So just keep doin’ what is right
And stay away from jutes!

7 To: President Arroyo
From: Noli De Castro

My Valentine’s Day wish for you madam:
Two more productive years in Malacañang
I think we’re headed in the right direction
So why the need for a snap election?

6 To: Jun Lozada
From: Ben Abalos

Roses are red
Golf courses are green
If you go near Wack Wack
Patay ka sa akin!

5 To: Romy Neri
From: Jun Lozada

Forgive me oh dear friend if I testified
Believe me, I’m so afraid that’s why I cried
But no matter what, even if I’ve died
You’ll always be a part of my short, so-called life. (Awwr!)

4 To: Joker
From: Jun Lozada

You pictured me as if
i’m the god of strife
You seem to know me well
but do you know your wife?

3 To: Jun Lozada
From: Mike Defensor

In my dreams, you were blue and you were so alone
So I opted to cheer you up by planning a presscon
But woe is me! I’m baffled you sided with the nuns
In spite of my best efforts, despite the 50 grand!

2 To: Jun Lozada
From: Miriam

How do I loathe thee?
Let me count the goats.

And the number 1 Valentine’s Day message…

To: Mike
From: Gloria

This Valentine’s Day I got a special gift
It is from Powerbooks’ bestsellers list
Together on V-Day, we’ll stay home and just read
This new book that’s titled: “How To Moderate Your Greed”

Have a romantic Hearts Day everyone!