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THE ULOL & GAGO NEWS QUIZ

6 01 2018

TRAIN, TAXES, a cursing senator, Mocha Girls, high profile suspects, and more. Are you updated? Take this week’s Current Events Quiz!

1WinPilstar
1: WIN OR LOSE. Tweeting from Nevada, USA, Sherwin Gatchalian, a senator, had an outburst earlier this week. Tinawag nitong “ulol” at “gago” ang ilang netizens na nakasagutan niya sa Twitter. Ano ba ang sinabi ng netizens na  ikinagalit ni Gatchalian?
A: Trapo! Ingrato!
B: Intsik ka kasi kaya sipsip kay Duterte.
C: Kung gaano kaliit ang mata mo, ganun din kaliit ang utak mo! Malamang pati tit* mo!

Answer:
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Letter A: Tinawag siyang trapo at ingrato ng netizens matapos niyang batikusin ang administrasyon ni Noynoy Aquino na dati naman niyang sinusuportahan.

2: NO APOLOGIES. Tumangging humingi ng paumanhin si Sherwin Gatchalian matapos magmura sa Twitter. Katwiran ni Win, bayaran at robot daw ang mga nakasagutan niya. Nag-react naman si Lea Salonga. Ano ang sinabi ni Coach Lea via her Twitter account?
A: “Oh dear. If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen.”
B: “Your choice of words speaks volumes about your true character.”
C: “If they were robots and you replied to robots, what does that say about you?”

Answer:
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Letter A. Lea added: “Let’s keep all discourses respectful, even when our opinions are contrary to someone else’s.” Word.

3: WANTED. Mocha Uson’s sexy dance group, the Mocha Girls, is looking for new members. Alin sa mga sumusunod ang ipinagbabawal ng grupo sa prospective applicants?
A: Tsismosa, insecure, at inggiterang babae
B: Sex addict
C: Fame whore

Answer:
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All of the above! Ayon sa inilabas na announcement ng grupo, ang mga ‘yan ang kanilang iniiwasan sa aplikante! Wait, were they describing their leader?

4: FREE MAN. Matapos palayain ng Angeles City RTC (na ikinagulat ng PDEA), nabiktima ng fake news si Mark Anthony Fernandez. Ano ang kumalat na tsismis tungkol sa aktor?
A: Nakabuntis ng dalawang jail guards
B: Umaming nagkaroon ng relasyon sa isang bading na inmate
C: Nag-check-in sa isang hotel kasama ang ex-girlfriend na si Claudine Barretto

Answer:
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Letter A. Ayon sa kumalat na fake news, nabuntis daw ni Mark ang dalawang jail guards. His late dad’s manager, Lolit Solis denied the rumor.

1rEYESpHILSTAR
5: FREE MAN 2: Former Palawan governor Joel Reyes, the alleged mastermind in the brutal murder of journalist and environmentalist Dr. Gerry Ortega has also been freed. Aba, nakikiuso! Matapos palayain, ano ang unang ginawa ni Reyes?
A: Tumawag sa Jollibee at nagpa-deliver
B: Tumawag kay President Duterte at nagpasalamat
C: Tumawag kay House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez para mag-apply sa PDP-Laban

Answer:
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None of the above. Pero ‘yong B & C, hindi imposibleng mangyari.

6: TAX NG INA N’YO. Sa ilalim ng pinag-uusapan ngayong Tax Reform for Acceleration and Inclusion (Train) Law, alin sa mga ito ang totoo:
A: Sa halip na 12 percent, papatawan ng 24 percent tax ang restaurant bill ng employed couple (kasal man o hindi)
B: May 20 percent tax kapag nanalo ka ng more than P10,000 sa lotto at iba pang games ng PCSO
C: Para mas maging affordable ang pagpaparetoke, wala nang babayarang tax ang mga cosmetic surgeons.

Answer:
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Letter B: May tax na ang lotto at iba pang games ng PCSO! So kahit 20,000 lang ang napanalunan mo, katorse mil na lang ang ibibigay sa ‘yo.

7: ASSUMING. Matapos makasama sa tinatawag Magic 12 sa isang senatorial survey, sinabi ni Sara Duterte na payag siyang mapunta sa iba ang slot niya basta’t ____________.
A: “’Wag lang akong inisin ng mga kalaban ni President Duterte.”
B: “’Wag lang akong i-bash sa social media.”
C: “’Wag lang akong topakin. Lagi pa naman akong tinotopak.”

Answer:
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Letter C. “‘Wag lang akong topakin. Lagi pa naman akong tinotopak.” Joooke! The answer is A.

8: NATIONAL ISSUE. “Headline” ngayon si Sunshine Cruz matapos “pagpiyestahan” ang kanyang Instagram photo kung saan kita ang kanyang:
A: Kaliwang nipple
B: Maputing butt crack o kuyukot
C: Maputing kilikili

Answer:
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Letter C. Dahil ito ang solusyon sa tumataas na halaga ng bilihin, ibinalita ng ilang news outlets ang “flawless” daw na kilikili ni Sunshine Cruz!

9: CONSISTENT. Mula nang pumasok ang 2018, ilang beses nang nasisira ang MRT 3 (As of Saturday, January 6)?
A: Tatlo. MWF. At least may sked na. Sanayan lang.
B: Siyam na. Ganun talaga. Magtaka kayo kapag ‘di nasira. ‘Yun ang nakakatakot.
C: Isang beses pa lang naman. Grabe naman kayo. Napaka-nega. Inaano ba kayo ng MRT!?

Answer:
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Letter B. Siyam na. At least consistent. Gusto yatang i-break ang more than 500 glitches na naitala last year.

10: ACCEPTED. Tinanggap na ni Pangulong Duterte ang pagbibitiw sa tungkulin ni Pulong Duterte. Ano raw ang sinabi ng pangulo matapos tanggapin ang resignation ng kanyang panganay?
A: Mag-focus ka na lang sa smuggling………… Juk lang!
B: Tumakbo ka na lang miyor ‘pag sinador na si Inday Sara.
C: Sa’n ka na ngayon kukuha ng pantustos sa luho ng anak mo? Sa triad? Juk lang ulit.

Answer:
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None of the above. Pwede rin namang “All of the above.” Juk lang.

1FireandFury
Bonus Question:
TELL-ALL. Lumabas na ang eksplosibong aklat na ‘Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House’ ng American journalist na si Michael Wolff. Former Trump strategist Steve Bannon, who was quoted in the book, said some members of the First Family believe, “The first woman president would not be Hillary Clinton; it would be ________.” Sino raw?
A: Ivanka Trump
B: Melania Trump
C: Kellyanne Conway

Answer:
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The answer is Letter D. Sandra Cam. Juk lang. It’s A. Ivanka Trump! According to Bannon, Ivanka sees herself running for the highest seat in the land. Sara Duterte, ikaw ba ‘yan?

Did you do well?
9-10 pts.: You are awesome.
7-8: Good!
5-6: Ang lakas ng tsamba.
4 and below: Where have you been bitch?
___________________________________________________________________________
“The measure of a man is what he does with power.”
~Plato

Sound Bites
“Shortly after 8 p.m. on Election Night, when the unexpected trend — Trump might actually win — seemed confirmed, Don Jr. told a friend that his father, or DJT, as he calls him, looked as if he had seen a ghost. Melania was in tears — and not of joy.”
~Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House

Be careful what you wish for.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Win Gatchalian: PhilStarNews; Joel Reyes: Philippine Star; Book: TheNet.ng]

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HEARSAY

5 02 2017

1bato
PNP CHIEF Ronald ‘Bato’ De La Rosa is not going anywhere. Last week, the President declined Bato’s offer to resign (for the second time) following the murder of a South Korean businessman outside his official residence in Camp Crame. With the President’s backing no less, Bato is looking forward to more ‘tokhang’ operations, more drug raids, and more concerts.

Dress Down/Push-up
Seven Pampanga cops who were allegedly involved in the robbery-extortion of Korean nationals got a tongue-lashing from PNP Chief Bato De La Rosa. On that day, Bato was in a different element. He was incensed. He was yelling. He was cursing. There were cameras everywhere. He was also on cue.

After scolding the seven cops and making them do stationary push-ups, a fuming PNP Chief Bato De La Rosa told police officials, “Dapat hindi nangyari ‘yan kung hindi kayo nagpabaya sa tao n’yo. Napapahiya na tayo sa mga Koreano!” To which, Filipinos said, “Sa amin, hindi?!?”

In case you didn’t see the video, here’s the transcript of Bato’s outburst.

Bato & the Police Officials
Bato: Pinabayaan n’yo ang mga tauhan n’yo! Nasaan kayo nang mang-extort sila? Nasaan?!?

Police Official: Definitely, wala sa concert Sir.

Bato:

Police Official: Sinagot ko lang Sir ang tanong n’yo.

* * * * *

Bato & the Bad Cops
Bato: ‘Tang ina n’yo! Ang lakas ng loob n’yong manghablot ng Koreano.

Cop (murmurs): Kasi sabi ni Presidente, gawin naming lahat, protektado n’ya kami.

Bato: Pakiulit nga ang sinabi mo.

Cop: May sinabi ba ako Sir? Wala huh. Nananahimik ako.

* * * * *

Bato & the Bad Cops II
Bato: Sige, mag-push-up kayo. ‘Tang ina n’yo. Ang lalakas ng loob n’yo! Sinisira n’yo ang pangalan ng PNP. Nagpulis kayo para magsindikato?! Nagpulis kayo para

Cop: Sir, sandali.

Bato: Patapusin mo ako. ‘Tang ina! Nagpulis kayo para mapahiya ang ating uniform?!?

Cop: Eh Sir…

Bato: Hindi pa ako tapos! Gusto ko kayong i-firing squad! ‘Tang ina n’yo! (pause) O, may sinasabi ka?

Cop: ‘Yun na nga Sir! Wala pa ‘yong mga camera, wala pang media.

Bato: ‘Tang ina. Ba’t di mo agad sinabi?! Sige, uulitin ko na lang! Push up kayo. ‘Tang ina n’yo. Ang lalakas ng loob n’yo! Sinisira n’yo…

untitled
Hearsay
Vitaliano Aguirre apologized to Senators Kiko Pangilinan, Leila De Lima and Antonio Trillanes for accusing them of using the Jack Lam-Bureau of Immigration bribery scandal to pin him down. Aguirre admitted the information he gathered about the three senators was “hearsay.” Among many of his other statements.

Hearsay II
Quoting a Senior Police Officer 1 who spoke on condition of anonymity, Amnesty International (a worldwide human rights organization and Nobel Peace Prize Awardee) reported that cops were being paid from P8,000 to P15,000 per kill in Duterte’s war on drugs. Duterte’s ally Richard Gordon said it was “hearsay.” Apparently, Gordon forgot the report came from Amnesty International; NOT from Vitaliano Aguirre.

Mafia?
PNP Chief Ronald ‘Bato’ Del Rosa said they’re looking into the possible involvement of a “Korean mafia” in the abduction and murder of Korean businessman Jee Ick Joo saying there’s “competition within the Korean community.” And the Korean community was like, “Bes, may nahuli na. Palusot pa talaga?!?”

PNP Chief Ronald ‘Bato’ De La Rosa said they’re looking into the possible involvement of a “Korean mafia” in the abduction and murder of Jee Ick Joo. He can’t wait to scold the members of the mafia in front of TV cameras while making them do stationary push-ups.

Three policemen and four others who allegedly abducted and murdered Korean businessman Jee Ick Joo have been detained and charged. The other day though, General Bato said they’re looking into the involvement of “a Korean mafia.” Now, THAT’S hearsay.

“Lost Cause”
Vice President Leni Robredo says she’s got no time for trolls because they’re “a lost cause who have already made a judgment.” When Mocha Uson heard this, she said, “Mga Ka-DDS, ‘kita n’yo na ang katamaran ng bise presidenteng ‘yan? Sasagot lang sa trolls hindi pa magawa?!”

1baste
Baste
President Duterte scolded his youngest son, Baste for spending more time with starlet Ellen Adarna. It turned out Baste has another partner, model Kate Necesario, the mother of his son. The President told Baste, “Hindi ka na umuuwi, lagi kang naroon sa iba mong babae!” Duterte first heard those very same words from Elizabeth Zimmerman 20 years ago.
_______________________________________________________________________________
“Corrupt and incompetent police officers have a long history of being protected by their colleagues, police internal affairs and the government.”
~Steven Magee

Sound Bites
“Acting on instructions from the very top of government, the Philippines police have killed and paid others to kill thousands of alleged drug offenders in a wave of extrajudicial executions that may amount to crimes against humanity.”
~Amnesty International on Duterte’s war on drugs

Why are we not surprised?

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Bato: PNP PIO; Vitaliano Aguirre: ABSCBN News; Baste Duterte and Ellen Adarna: Brandphoria on IG]





PORN, ARNIS & OTHER STORIES

19 01 2017

1pacquiao
MANNY PACQUIAO defended his pro-death penalty stance by saying, “Even Jesus Christ nga nasentensyahan ng kamatayan dahil government talaga ang nag-impose ng kamatayan.” The statement has prompted surgeons all over the world to conclude that boxing is extremely dangerous to your mental health.

According to Manny Pacquiao, God gave our government the “right” to impose the death penalty.” Dear Manny Pacquiao, we don’t need a death penalty law. Every time you open your mouth on issues, we die.

Porn
The Philippine government has ordered Internet Service Providers to block public access to adult web sites. But Malacañang says those who are into the obscene and the vulgar may still watch the replay of last year’s Congressional hearing on Sen. Leila De Lima’s sex life.

The National Telecommunications Office confirms it has ordered all ISPs to block public access to porn sites. In totally unrelated news, President Duterte’s approval rating among males has dropped to an all-time low.


Zubiri vs. Trillanes
A heated exchange erupted between Miguel Zubiri and Antonio Trillanes on Tuesday at the Senate (See video). Trillanes said Zubiri cheated in the 2007 elections. Zubiri said Trillanes was charged with rebellion and treason. The two lawmakers almost came to blows but other senators intervened except for Manny Pacquiao who said, “Kung sina Cain at Abel nga na magkapatid, pinayagan ni God na mag-away, senador pa kaya?”

In case you missed it… Zubiri vs. Trillanes:
Trillanes: If you want to declare war, then you should be prepared to have war.

Zubiri: If you pick a fight with me, I’ll fight.

Trillanes: This representation will not back down.

Zubiri: I did not become world champion in arnis for nothing.

Trillanes: Umabot talaga dun?!? Literal na fight?!?

***

Trillanes: If you want to declare war, then you should be prepared to have war. This representation will not back down.

Zubiri: I did not become world champion in arnis for nothing. If you want to fight, tell me how you want to fight.

Trillanes: Kasasabi mo lang na ‘arnis’ ‘tapos ngayon ‘tell me how you want to fight.’ Labo mo huh!

***

Trillanes: If you want to declare war, then you should be prepared to have war. This representation will not back down.

Zubiri: Mabait akong tao and people know me. I am one of the most amiable senators of this chamber. But if you pick a fight with me, I’ll fight. I did not become world champion in arnis for nothing.

Trillanes: Ano ‘to slam book?!? Merong describe yourself?!? May sports and hobbies?!?

***

Trillanes: Eh ‘di ba nandaya ka noong 2007?

Zubiri: Sus! Ikaw nga nakasuhan ng rebellion!

Trillanes: Eh ‘di ba nag-resign ka nga noong 2011 dahil nabistong nandaya?

Zubiri: Sus! Ikaw nga nakasuhan ng treason!

Trillanes: Eh ‘di ba nga nachismis ka pang bakla noon?

Zubiri: Stick tayo sa isyu ng eleksyon. ‘Wag kang ano d’yan!

1andanar
“Misreporting”
A day after journalists quoted President Duterte as saying no one could stop him from declaring martial law “if I wanted to,” his communications chief, Martin Andanar blamed the media for ‘misreporting’ the statement. He also described the news reports as “the height of journalistic irresponsibility.” Even President Duterte was like, “OA na ang kasipsipan huh!”

Martin Andanar blamed the media for “misreporting” President Duterte’s latest remark on martial law. Andanar said the headlines “sow confusion to many.” Apparently, he hates competition. ‘Coz, you know, when it comes to sowing confusion, they’re the experts.

Trolls
Sen. Antonio Trillanes has urged the Senate committee on public information to investigate the so-called social media trolls amid the proliferation of fake news and false information online. Martin Andanar is on top of the list of invitees.

Link
After doing a review on social media, the Center for Media Freedom and Responsibility said there’s an “all too tight” connection between the alleged plot to oust the President and the president’s own communication team. Which, is not surprising since the members of the president’s own communication team includes Martin Andanar, Mocha Uson, Sass Sassot and Duterte’s cybertrolls.

1missuniverse
Miss U
Pre-pageant activities for this year’s Miss Universe contest are underway. The candidates have been travelling all over the country. Everyone is having a good time… except for Chavit Singson who is having a great time.
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“In a society run by terror, no statements whatsoever can be taken seriously. They are all forced, and it is the duty of every honest man to ignore them.”
~ Milan Kundera

Sound Bites
“You cannot falsely accuse the profession of misreporting by peddling brazenly outrageous lies.”
~National Union of Journalists of the Philippines to Martin Andanar

Serves you right.

A GOOD READ:
How to defend our democracy
#5. Be calm when the unthinkable arrives.
When the terrorist attack comes, remember that all authoritarians at all times either await or plan such events in order to consolidate power. Think of the Reichstag fire. The sudden disaster that requires the end of the balance of power, the end of opposition parties, and so on, is the oldest trick in the Hitlerian book. Don’t fall for it.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Pacquiao: Associated Press; Senate Rumble: Philippine Star; Martin Andanar: GMANetwork.com; Miss Universe: @65thmissuniverse on IG]





GOSSIP

11 01 2017

1dphilstar
MALACAÑANG dismissed as false columnist Kit Tatad’s report, quoting an unnamed source, that President Duterte went to China recently for cancer treatment. This is one instance when you don’t know who to believe anymore – because when it comes to ridiculousness and absurd claims, Tatad and Duterte are on the same level.

No To Tsismis
In Binalonan, Pangasinan, villages are strictly implementing a policy against gossiping or rumor-mongering. They officially call it the Anti-Mocha Uson Ordinance.

Villages in Binalonan, Pangasinan are strictly implementing an anti-chismis policy. Violators will be fined. You’ve been warned, Kit Tatad.

Success!
Vice President Leni Robredo has denied any links to a reported plot to oust President Duterte. Online, Duterte diehards and Bongbong Marcos trolls used a hashtag to create the impression that Robredo was part of a conspiracy to unseat the President. To be fair, the online campaign was successful in vilifying Robredo. No wonder, the year has only just begun but trolls are already talking about a hefty mid-year bonus.

EXCLUSIVE: A screen capture of the newest “leak” that started circulating Tuesday, January 10, 2017.

1email

Obviously
Maritess Allen, described in news reports as a ‘feng shui expert’ predicts President Duterte will be hounded by health issues as well as misunderstandings, arguments, and quarrels this year. In response, 2017 was like, “That was so last year.”

Described in news reports as a ‘feng shui’ expert, Maritess Allen predicts President Duterte will be hounded by health issues as well as misunderstandings, arguments, and quarrels this year. Allen also predicts February will have 28 days and Good Friday will be a non-working holiday.

1mochaduts
Celeb Appointees
Sex blogger-turned-Duterte attack dog Mocha Uson and actor Cesar Montano took their oath before President Duterte in Malacañang on Monday. Uson and Montano are the latest celebrities who were given government posts for supporting Duterte in the last elections. Which begs the question, what reward awaits Vivian Velez and Elizabeth Oropesa?

Miss U
The Philippine National Police says there’s no direct threat to the upcoming Miss Universe pageant in the country. In other words, the beautiful candidates are not in danger. If you insist though, we can still talk about Chavit Singson some other time.

Golden Globes
The annual Golden Globe Awards took place Monday (Manila time) at the Beverly Hilton. Multi-awarded actress Meryl Streep received the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award. In her acceptance speech, Streep said, “Disrespect invites disrespect. Violence incites violence.” To which, Presidente Duterte replied, “Tang ina, inaano ba kita?”

Porn
When it comes to page visits to adult website PornHub, Filipinos are still No. 1 according to the latest data. When searching for women, 90 percent of Filipinos searched for ‘Maria Ozawa.’ The remaining 10 percent, believed to be congressmen, searched for ‘Leila De Lima.’

A furious Duterte and BBM troll who-must-not-be-named complained online that ABS-CBN News opted to report on Filipinos’ PornHub use but ignored Leni Robredo’s alleged involvement in a plot to oust Duterte. When asked why, ABS-CBN News answered: “Fact over fiction.”
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“The suspicious mind conjures its own demons.”
~ Hanshiro Tsugomu

Sound Bites
“He is the secretary of DOJ, he should not tell lies. We didn’t talk, we didn’t meet in the US when I went there.”
~Vice President Leni Robredo on Vitaliano Aguirre’s baseless allegation she met with Fil-Am LP supporter Loida Nicolas-Lewis recently

Opinion
The ‘conspiracy’ to oust Duterte
By Prof. Randy David
“If the people around the President are either too intimidated or too much in awe to tell him of his shortcomings, then they are creating a narcissistic ruler who will not be able to free himself from the self-referential world he has constructed.”

Be rational.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Duterte: Philippine Star; Mocha/Duterte: Palace Photo]





MEANWHILE, IN HELL…

30 11 2016

1imelda-femc
SATAN IS FURIOUS. Nawawala kasi ang wallet niyang puno ng pera. Sumigaw:

Marcoooos! Hindi ka na ba talaga magbabago?!?

Day 1. Hell. Attendance.
SATAN: Welcome to hell. Pangalan…

MARCOS: Ferdinand E. Marcos

SATAN: Kasalanan…

MARCOS: Naging pangulo ako ng Pilipinas.

SATAN: Hindi ‘yan kasalanan. ‘Wag na tayong magpaliguy-ligoy pa.

MARCOS: Wala akong matandaan.

SATAN: Pagtortyur, pagpatay, pagsisinungaling, pangangaliwa, pang-aabuso, pagnanakaw… admit it! You’re guilty!

MARCOS: Huh? Unang-una, ‘yong guilt, paano ko ia-admit eh ang liit-liit ko nun.

SATAN:

MARCOS:

SATAN: ‘Dagdag mo pa ang plagiarism, gago!

Unafraid
SATAN: Welcome to hell!

MARCOS: Hello! ‘Musta?

SATAN: ‘Di ka natatakot sa akin?

MARCOS: Hindi.

SATAN: HINDI KA NATATAKOT SA AKIN?!?

MARCOS: Hindi nga!

SATAN: Bakit ‘di ka natatakot eh ako si Satanas.

MARCOS: Exactly. Satanas ang pangalan mo, hindi Imelda. Bakit ako matatakot?

Homesick
SATAN: O, ba’t parang ang lungkot mo d’yan?

MARCOS: Walang gustong makipag-usap sa akin eh.

SATAN: ‘Wag kang mag-alala. Bibigyan kita ng kausap. You have a lot of things in common. Magkakasundo kayo.

A minute later:
CNN Breaking News: Cuban leader Fidel Castro dead at 90

marcos
Phone Rates in Hell
MARCOS: Pwede bang makitawag?

SATAN: May bayad!

MARCOS: Magkano ba? Tatawagan ko lang si Cory, hihingi ako ng tawad.

SATAN: 100 pesos per minute.

Marcos dials Cory’s number. He pays Satan 300 pesos.
A minute later…

MARCOS: Puwedeng pagamit ulit ng phone? Tatawagan ko lang ang human rights victims noong Martial Law.

SATAN: 100 pesos per minute.

Marcos phones the human rights victims. He pays Satan 300 pesos.
Seconds later…

MARCOS: Last na. Patawag ulit. Kailangang-kailangan ko lang makausap si Imelda, si Bongbong, at si Imee, my family.

SATAN: 3 pesos per minute.

MARCOS: Huh? Ba’t kanina 100 pesos tapos ngayon 3 pesos per minute lang?

SATAN: ‘Yong kay Cory at sa human rights victims, long distance ‘yon. ‘Yong sa asawa at mga anak mo, local call lang ‘yon. Within the area lang sila.

The Deal
MARCOS: Sobrang init naman dito sa kuwarto ko. Pwede bang lumipat sa may aircon?

SATAN: Pwede naman pero may kapalit.

MARCOS: Ano ‘yon?

SATAN: Kukunin ko ang kaluluwa ni Imelda, ni Bongbong at ni Imee.

MARCOS: Ganun?!?

SATAN: So, ayaw mo?

MARCOS: May sinabi ba akong ayaw? Deal!

Satan allows Marcos to transfer to an air-conditioned room.
Minutes later.

SATAN: Bumalik ka na sa dati mong kuwarto!

MARCOS: Bakit?!? May deal tayo ‘di ba?

SATAN: Manloloko! Wala silang kaluluwa!

In Other News…
An improvised explosive device was found near the US Embassy along Roxas Boulevard the other day. Authorities detonated the home-made bomb — successfully completing Day 1 of the martial law dryrun.

PNP Chief Ronald De La Rosa says the home-made bomb could have been planted by the Maute Group, an Islamic rebel group that has pledged allegiance to ISIS. De La Rosa refuses to make conclusions though since he has also received reports Leila De Lima was spotted in the area two days ago.

balero-rappler
Congressman Climax
Heavily criticized for asking Ronnie Dayan questions like, “Mahilig ka ba sa sili?” and “Kailan kayo nag-climax?” during last week’s Lower House hearing, 1-Ang Edukasyon party-list representative Salvador Belaro Jr. blamed the media for what he called “selective reporting.” Apparently, the media failed to report that Balero also asked other questions such as: “Mahilig ba si De Lima sa lollipop?” “Nakailang putok ba ang kanyon?” and “Kinain mo ba ang tilapia?”

According to party-list representative Salvador Belaro Jr., his questions were necessary to establish “power relations between De Lima and Dayan.” In fact, his questions were so relevant, he compiled them into a booklet called, “A Guide to Insulting People’s Intelligence.”

1-Ang Edukasyon party-list representative Salvador Belaro Jr., who has earned the monicker ‘Congressman Climax,’ denied rumors his party-list group’s name has been changed to 1-Ang Maledukasyon.
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“The secret of freedom lies in educating people, whereas the secret of tyranny is in keeping them ignorant.”
~Maximilien Robespierre

Sound Bites
“I will include you because you are the reason why their numbers swell.”
~President Duterte threatening to kill human rights activists who criticize him for extrajudicial killings

“At this moment in our history, every voice counts and I wish to place mine on the side of history: not the history that the Duterte [administration] ignores, but the history that beckons our people to demand justice that even the highest court of the land will not bestow.”
~Maria Serena Diokno, Resigned chair, National Historical Commission of the Philippines

Make a stand. #MarcosNOTaHero

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Marcos Burial 1: FEMC; Marcos Burial2: Philippine Army; Salvador Belaro Jr: Rappler]








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