Late-night talk show ni Pangulong Duterte, nilangaw; galit ni Sharon Cuneta, umalingawngaw
Try some of out best-sellers: Duterte Firecracker, Quiboloy Firecracker, Cayetano Firecracker, and Mocha Firecracker!
75% off until December 30!
A QUICK GUIDE to some of the more popular firecrackers being sold in the Philippines. Buy at your own risk.
• • • • • •
Here’s the text version.
Ito ang pinakamapaminsalang paputok sa nakalipas na tatlong taon. Mabentang-mabenta pa rin sa mga Pinoy kahit napakarami nang namatay at nasugatan. Walang nakakaalam kung kailan matatauhan ang mga consumers sa perwisyong dulot nito.
Maraming Pinoy ang nagreklamong palpak daw ang paputok na ito. Nagalit ang exclusive distributor nito at nagbantang kakasuhan ang mga “naninira.” Recently, tinanghal na Best Firecracker ang Cayetano firecracker. Ang nagbigay ng award ay ang mismong distributor nito.
Kapag bibili ka ng Duterte Firecracker, may kasamang libreng paputok – ito ang Bonggo firecracker. Popular pero walang value kasi nga, giveaway lang.
Huwag mo nang sindihan ang paputok na ito kung ayaw mong masira ang araw mo. Kung anu-ano kasi ang lumalabas na sound na nakakabobo.
Ang paputok na safe. Hindi siya gusto ng iba dahil mahina raw ang sabog. Matindi at walang tigil ang paninira rito ng ibang manufacturers para hindi tangkilikin ng consumers.
Na-ban na ito sa market pero magbabalik daw ngayong 2020 kaya maraming consumers ang nagagalit. Nananawagan silang i-boycott ang paputok na ito.
Makulay ang wrapper ng paputok na ito pero mabubuwisit ka lang sa nalilikha nitong sound. Takpan mo na lang ang tainga mo.
Ginamit ang paputok na ito sa nakaraang Philippine International Pyromusical Competition. Hindi na-impress ang panel of judges. Natalo ang manufacturer pero dahil hindi nito matanggap ang pagkatalo, nagsampa ng protesta.
Maraming Filipino ang nabiktima ng paputok na ito. Noon ay nahinto na ang pagbebenta rito pero tagumpay na nakabalik at ngayon ay tinatangkilik na naman ng mga ignoranteng consumers.
Sa start, maingay ang firecracker na ito pero habang nauubos ang sindi, may maririnig kang parang iyak sa dulo. Ito ang pumalit sa paputok na crying cow.
Ang paputok na pangmayaman lang. Kung hindi n’yo kayang bumili ng Cynthia Firecracker, mag-watusi na lang kayo!
De Lima Firecracker
Iniutos ng gobyerno ang pag-ban sa paputok na ito kahit walang sapat na basehan. Pati ibang bansa ay nanawagan na ng pag-lift sa ban.
Ilang beses nang na-ban sa market pero ilang ulit ding ibinalik. Malakas sa gobyerno ang manufacturer nito.
Kapag sinindihan, hindi mamatay-matay.
Gustong-gusto ito ng masa. Kahit nakakasakit na ng ibang tao, mabenta pa rin. Last year alone, kumita ng 60 million pesos ang manufacturer nito.
Ang paputok na naghahasik ng takot sa publiko.
Here’s a testimonial from a buyer: “Ang lakas po! Grabeng lakas. Hindi naman po masyadong malakas. Sakto lang po. Parang baril na mas malakas po.”
Mocha Firecracker 2
‘Wag n’yo nang bilhin. Malamang fake ‘yan.
Ang pinaka-weird na paputok. Tumitigil ang pagputok nito kapag sinabihan mong, “ISTAHP!”
VICE PRESIDENT Binay is reportedly considering businessman Manny V. Pangilinan as a potential VP bet in 2016. Well-loved in the community, MVP is a good choice for running mate and an even better sanitizer.
Vice President Binay wants businessman Manny V. Pangilinan to be his running mate in 2016. That’s a smart idea.
MVP is being considered by Vice President Binay as a possible running mate in 2016. You know what that means? Unli- funds.
Vice President Binay is considering businessman Manny V. Pangilinan as a potential running mate in 2016. MVP and Binay will be a formidable team. One is a hardworking, revenue-oriented multimillionaire. And the other one is Manny V. Pangilinan.
Sen. Nancy Binay says, “It’s just sad that the level of campaigning has not matured.” In response, the “level of campaigning” said, “Look who’s talking.”
According to Sen. Nancy Binay, the presidency is “all about destiny, God’s will.” In a statement, God replied, “Leave me out of your politics.”
President Aquino apologized to commuters for the monstrous traffic jams. The apology was late because of traffic.
A sacred relic called ‘The Holy Face of Jesus from Manoppello’ from Rome will be brought to the country this month. The piece of cloth allegedly with an imprint of Jesus’s face is 500-years-old. To give you an idea of how old the relic is, Senator Enrile was still in grade school when it was discovered.
Royal Baby 2
William and Kate have announced that they’re having another baby – which is not really surprising. That’s what happens when couples are unemployed.
Paolo Bediones has reportedly resigned as news anchor of TV5’s late-night newscast. It was a bold decision.
TV host Billy Crawford went berserk in a police station in Taguig City on Sunday. Police said Billy was obviously drunk when he went wild. Or in showbiz parlance, “Anne Curtis.”
Billy Crawford underwent inquest proceedings at Taguig RTC Monday morning. He was charged with malicious mischief and disobedience to a person in authority. If worse comes to worst, Billy plans to just enter a plea of “Not sober.”
“It’s Showtime” host Billy Crawford was arrested Sunday when he went berserk inside a police station in Taguig City. Mga Kapamilya, ang term na ‘berserk’ ay unang nag-appear noong 1844. Ito ay nagmula sa salitang ‘berserker’ na ang ibig sabihin ay ‘Norse warrior.’ Madlang pipol… para kay Billy, iskor mo, show mo!
“The political tradition of ancient thought, filtered in Italy by Machiavelli, says one thing clearly: every prince needs allies, and the bigger the responsibility, the more allies he needs.”
“S’yempre, I’m honored, but also I’m relieved that I wasn’t made ninong, ‘di ba?”
~President Aquino on being Chiz Escudero’s best man
I can’t contain myself if I’m under the influence of alcohol.”
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.
[Photos: Philippine Star (MVP), PhilNews.PH (Binay), Philippine Daily Inquirer (Billy Crawford)]
A POTENTIAL TYPHOON has been monitored by PAGASA. It is expected to enter the Philippine Area of Responsibility this week and will be named ‘Inday.’ Everyone should prepare because Inday has been described by weathermen as “masipag,” “mabilis” and “walang tigil sa katatrabaho.”
Matagal-tagal na rin ang pananatili nito sa Philippine Area of Responsibility at mahaba-habang panahon na ring nananalasa. Mabuti na lang at sa huling monitoring ng PAGASA, humihina na ang bagyong ito. Gayunman, pinag-iingat ang publiko sa anak nitong bagyo.
Napakaingay ng bagyong ito kaya’t ang atensyon ng lahat ng tao ay nakatutok sa kanya. Maraming galit kay Typhoon Kris pero patuloy pa rin nilang minu-monitor ang kanyang galaw.
Dekada sisenta pa nang ito ay unang manalasa sa bansa. Libu-libo ang nasawi, nasugatan, at hanggang ngayon ay nawawala dahil sa kanyang bagsik. Inalis na ang kanyang pangalan sa opisyal na talaan ng mga bagyo ngunit sa ‘di maipaliwanag na pangyayari, matagumpay siyang nakabalik.
Malawak ang dulot nitong pananalanta. Malaking halaga ng ari-arian ang nawala dahil sa kanya.
Napanatili nito ang maximum strength na sinimulang ipunin noong 1986. Lalo pang tumindi ang kanyang gustiness after 2010. Hindi gaanong napapansin ang dala niyang pinsala dahil marami rin namang natulungan ang dala niyang ulan. Inaasahan ang mas malawak na sakop na kaulapan ng Typhoon Binay sa taong 2016.
Ang bagyong choosy. Kung supporters niya ang mga residente sa isang lugar, ligtas sila. Kung hindi, babagyuhin niya.
Matagal na palang nananalanta ang bagyong ito bago na-detect ng PAGASA. Nabawasan ang kanyang biktima nang maisapubliko ang kanyang bagsik.
“Jeremiah 23:19 Narito, ang bagyo ng Panginoon, ang kaniyang kapusukan ay lumabas, oo, ipu-ipong bagyo: babagsak sa ulo ng masama.” You know.
Malakas na ulan ang kanyang dala. Luha nang luha ang pucha. Ang drama! May kakabit na bagyo si Typhoon Gigi. Mas malakas sila kung magsasanib-puwersa.
Habang tumatagal, pahina nang pahina ang bagyong ito. Nawawala na sa radar.
Hindi kalakasan pero hindi rin gumagalaw sa puwesto; nananatili lamang siya sa gitna.
Walang masyadong ulan pero ubod ng lakas ang hangin.
Dear Mother Nature,
Stop sending us destructive typhoons. We already have our politicians.
On Monday, the Lower House accepted an impeachment complaint filed against President Aquino. Archbishop emeritus Oscar Cruz signed the complaint saying he cannot allow the misuse and abuse of taxes he didn’t pay.
According to the latest Pulse Asia survey, if presidential elections were held today, 4 of 10 will definitely vote for Jejomar Binay. Those four were Bong, Jinggoy, Enrile and Erap.
President Aquino has signed the Graphic Health Warnings Law. To raise awareness on the ill-effects of smoking, the legislative measure requires tobacco companies to put the President’s photo on cigarette packs.
The influential religious sect Iglesia ni Cristo kicked off its centennial celebration on Monday, July 21. The event was held at the sprawling, newly-inaugurated tithely-packed Philippine Arena.
In his address at the INC centennial event, President Aquino said, it’s our duty to love one another instead of “propagating misunderstanding.” His speech was titled, “Note to Self.”
At the Iglesia ni Cristo gathering on Monday in Bulacan, several politicians were spotted. I’m not sure about the exact number but it’s close to 2016.
“LIFE isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass,it’s about learning to DANCE in the rain.”
“For the past 100 years, itinuturo po ng aming simbahan ang kusang pagkakaloob. Ito naman po ay walang pilitan. Kung anuman ang aming nakalap ay nagagamit lamang para sa mga pangangailangan ng simbahan.”
~Bro. Edwin Zabala, INC spokesperson
Matapos marinig ang paliwanag ni Pangulong Aquino ukol sa DAP, alin ang mas matimbang sa ‘yo?
-Desisyon ng Korte Suprema 69.44%
-Paliwanag ng Pangulo 21.03%
-Hindi ko alam ang isyu. Magbabasa muna ako. 9.52%
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.
[Photos: UNTv Web, Philippine Daily Inquirer, Malacañang]
Journeys to Jail
Hinabol, tinugis, nakipaghabulan sa pulis
Tumawag sa chief of police; nakipag-usap tungkol sa pagsuko.
Pumasok sa mataong palengke; hinubad ang suot na t-shirt para ‘di makilala; nagpasikut-sikot, feeling action star ang pucha.
Nagpa-presscon. Nagsuot ng t-shirt: ‘Kakampi ko si Lord. Walang kokontra.’ Umiyak. Ang action star, nag-drama. (Pucha!)
Inabutan ng humahabol, tiklo! Nasampal pa. O, gago.
Nahirapang sumakay sa SVU. Ang dami kasing fans na gusto siyang makita. Magkabila ang hilera ng tao sa kalsada. Na-insecure ang Papa sa Roma.
Kinuyog ng taumbayan. Sinipa, dinuraan, sinuntok, sinikmuraan. Duguan. Snatcher kasi.
Dinumog ng reporters at mga tagahanga sa Sandiganbayan. Pinagpawisan. Maraming kinilig. Artista kasi.
Pinosasan. Kinaladkad patungo sa nanlilimahid na presinto. Hindi ka sikat. ‘Wag nang choosy.
Nag-file ng motion para makapamili ng detention facility. Siyempre, dapat malinis at cozy.
Kinunan ng fingerprints. Kinunan ng mugshots. Wasak ang mukha. Halos ‘di makilala.
Kinunan ng fingerprints. Kinunan ng mugshots. Fresh na fresh. Naka-smile pa. Pucha.
Deadma kahit mala-sardinas ang kondisyon.
Biglang nagka-migraine, tumaas daw ang presyon. [Pucha!]
Nakatulog sa sobrang gutom.
May libreng food! Pritong bangus at ginisang munggo. Boom!
Umiyak ang asawa; paano na raw sila kakain ngayon?
Umiyak ang asawa… pero ‘di bale, nakatira pa rin naman sila sa mansyon.
Nag-isip-isip. Ang masamang ginawa, ‘di na raw uulitin.
Nag-isip-isip. Tuloy ang plano: Bong for President sa 2016.
Top 8 Movie Projects Rejected By Bong Revilla
No. 8: You’ve Got Jail
No. 7: Kakabakaba Ka Bong?
No. 6: Crame and Punishment
No. 5: Meet the Porkers
No. 4: Bukas Luluhod ang mga Talo
No. 3: Eat, Pray, Rob
No. 2: Live Free or Lie Hard
And the No. 1 movie project rejected by Bong Revilla…
Man of Steal
“Treasures gained by wickedness do not profit.”
“Lalabas ang katotohanan at maaabswelto tayo dito.”
~Bong Revilla, Imus, Cavite 6.19.2014
“We’re accomplishing what some people said was a near impossible task: to have these big personalities who are perceived as untouchable finally prosecuted.”
~Justice Sec. Leila De Lima
Have a great weekend Filipino taxpayers!
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.
[Photos: ANC, Rappler, PNP]
MICHAEL CHRISTIAN MARTINEZ, the lone Filipino Winter Olympian in Sochi arrived from Russia Sunday afternoon. The 17-year-old athlete was all smiles as adoring fans and supporters welcomed him. And then things got a bit awkward when Chavit Singson and Lito Atienza suddenly appeared in the background.
Malacañang confirmed it has received a courtesy call request from the Philippine Sports Commission. But presidential spokesman Sonny Coloma said there’s no schedule yet since, “Medyo hectic ang schedule ng Pangulo sa darating na linggo dahil sa pagdiriwang ng EDSA 1 at pagpunta sa Malaysia para sa state visit.” You want the President to meet Michael in Malacañang? Here’s a tip: change his name to Janet Napoles.
Congressmen have filed a resolution commending the performance of Michael Christian Martinez in the Sochi Olympics. The lawmakers said, “He definitely did not disappoint our countrymen.” To which, Michael replied, “Sana kayo rin.”
Tito Sotto also filed a resolution commending Winter Olympian Michael Martinez. According to Sotto, “Martinez has proved to Filipinos that with perseverance, determination and hardwork, it is possible to attain and fulfill one’s goals.” I will react to this statement as soon as I’ve verified that the words used were Sotto’s and not someone else’s.
Suspected pork barrel queen Janet Lim-Napoles has asked the court to allow her to take a medical exam after allegedly experiencing profuse mentsrual bleeding recently. Doctors have yet to confirm if it’s a case of cancer or karma.
According to Janet Napoles’s lawyer Bruce Rivera, the suspected pork barrel queen has been experiencing profuse bleeding recently. See? Even her own blood wanted out of her system.
For coming late to class, a graduating PMA cadet (in the running for salutatorian) was ordered dismissed. That’s the claim of Jeff Aldrin Cudia’s relatives. But the PMA insisted the dismissal had something to do with Cudia’s lying about the reason for being late thus breaking the academy’s Honor Code. The PMA’s Honor Code implores its cadets and alumni “not to lie, cheat, steal nor tolerate among them those who do.” And former Major General Carlos Garcia was like, “’Di nga?!?”
Just days after a PMA cadet was dismissed for being late to class, a PSG member was sacked following his arrest in Makati City for possession of several ATM cards and a scanner. Raphael Marcial, a member of PMA Class 2008 was nabbed in front of an automated teller machine (ATM) early Friday night. Sought for reaction, Marcial said, “At least I was early.”
Brigadier General Noel Miano was charged with sexual harassment at the Sandiganbayan for allegedly groping an 18-year-old girl in 2011. He is a member of PMA Class ’81. To be fair to Miano, the PMA’s Honor Code talks about lying, cheating, and stealing only. There’s no groping.
Accused of corruption and human rights violations, Ukrainian dictator Viktor Yanukovych was ousted by massive protests in Kiev. Yanukovych was forced to leave the capital together with his children, and wife Imelda Romualdez Yanukovych.
A popular uprising in Kiev has ousted Ukrainian dictator Viktor Yanukovych. Sketchy reports say the disgraced leader has fled Ukraine and is headed to either Paoay or Hawaii.
Reigning world boxing champion Vitali Klitschko, is one of the more prominent leaders of the protests in Ukraine. Supporters say Klitschko is qualified to run for president in 2015. They insist that the popular boxer is decisive, brave, and an honest taxpayer.
A court has decided to try three men accused of attempting to steal two bananas valued at 32 cents. People from around the world were shocked when they heard the news – Nicaraguans steal bananas and they get to be tried in court while Filipinos steal millions and they get to deliver privilege speeches.
In Phoenix, Arizona…
A 5-year-old pit bull named Micky mauled a 4-year-old boy. The attack was so vicious everyone in the neighborhood now hates the pit bull – prompting lawyer Raymond Fortun to volunteer as the pit bull’s spokesperson.
“Telling the truth may cause a few seconds of pain, but there’s no medicine that can manage the pain of keeping lies.”
~ R.M. Ford
“If there’s any evidence against me, I will go to jail myself.”
~Joel Villanueva, TESDA director-general and former party-list representative on his alleged involvement in the pork barrel scam
Dapat bang tanggapin bilang state witness si Ruby Tuason?
Magbabasa muna ako. Wala akong alam sa issue. 20%
Have a great week!
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.
HERE’S A GUIDE to some of the more popular firecrackers being sold in the Philippines.
Noynoy Firecracker (Classic Edition)
Malapit nang mag-celebrate ng 54 years sa market ang firecracker na ito. Ayon sa mga manufacturers, may kakayahan pa naman daw pumutok ang Noynoy Firecracker. Ayaw lang nilang sabihin kung malakas pa ang putok nito.
Noynoy Firecracker (Limited Edition)
Okay lang na maputukan ka ng firecracker na ito. Eh ano naman kung masugatan ka? “Buhay ka pa naman ‘di ba?”
Ang pinakamaingay na paputok. Mag-ingat sa paggamit. Kung ayaw mong masugatan, huwag kang tatanga-tanga.
Ang unang firecracker na ibinenta sa Pilipinas. Ilang beses na rin itong ipinagbawal ng pamahalaan pero tuwing magpapalit ng administrasyon, nagpapalit rin ng packaging.
Pansamantalang nawala sa market ngunit matagumpay na nakabalik. Muling bumenta at kinagat ng publiko.
Junjun Binay Firecracker (Classic Edition)
Kahit anong pigil mo, kahit ipagbawal ng authorities, puputok pa rin.
Junjun Binay Firecracker (Limited Edition)
Pumuputok lamang ang firecracker na ito kung ang magsisindi ay nakapayong!
Napoles Firecracker (Classic Edition)
Paboritong paputok ng mga senador at kongresista and their chiefs of staff, governors, mayors, at iba pang high-profile personalities. Bidang-bida ang paputok na ito sa kanilang parties and events. (Noon ‘yon.)
Napoles Firecracker (Limited Edition)
Ayon sa advertisement, malakas raw itong sumabog. May kamahalan kasi – pero kapag sinindihan mo na, wala namang tunog. Sasayangin lang nito ang oras mo.
Butch Abad Firecracker
Ang paputok para sa mga close friends at allies ng manufacturer. Kung hindi ka friend, hindi ka bebentahan.
Kahit hindi ikaw ang nagsindi, matitilamsikan ka ng pulbura ng paputok na ito. Damay-damay na.
Mar Roxas Firecracker
Kapag bibili ka nito sa tindahan, kailangang magpakita ka ng sulat mula sa iyong parents bilang patunay na pinapayagan ka nilang bumili. You must remember, the firecracker is illegal, you are just a kid.
Mausok ang paputok na ito. Warning: Nakakaiyak ang fumes.
Laging tumataas ang presyo ng paputok na ito. At kahit hindi naman ikaw ang gumamit, ikaw pa rin ang nagbabayad! Unfair!
Zenaida Ducut Firecracker
Grabe ang kapal ng packaging ng paputok na ito. Kahit idineklarang ilegal, nasa market pa rin. Ayaw talagang mawala.
Sabayan ng sign of the cross ang pagsisindi dahil baka ‘di mo kayanin ang kanyang lakas. Pray ka na lang kay Lord!
Kim Henares Firecracker
Scary ang paputok na ito. Kapag mayaman ka at sinindihan mo ito, hahabulin ka!
Eric Tayag Firecracker
Ang nakaaaliw na paputok. Matapos sindihan, sumasayaw. Highly-recommended for the whole family.
Ruffy Biazon and Ricky Carandang Firecrackers
Inihinto na ang production ng mga paputok na ito. Hindi na raw bumibenta.
Arnold Clavio Firecracker
Ang paputok na madaling mag-init.
ER Ejercito Firecracker
Hindi lang siya basta firecracker. Period. Deadma na lang sa packaging na mukhang Photoshopped.
Anne Curtis Firecracker
Ang nakagugulat na firecracker. Pagkasindi mo rito, nagwawala kaagad. Ingat mga friends!
Freddie Aguilar Firecracker
Lumang klase ng firecracker pero pumuputok pa rin (daw). Ilayo ang mga bata. Delikado.
Wally Bayola Firecracker
(‘Wag na lang ‘to.)
“Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.”
“‘Yung mga kritiko ho natin may industriya na ho sa Pilipinas na sa totoo lang ho hindi ba ang dali namang sumulat ka sa papel, banat ka. Talagang kami ho tuksung-tuksong sabihin, ‘kayo nga kaya ang pumunta rito at subukan n’yo ang magagawa n’yo, ‘di ba? Problema ho ni ayaw tumakbo. Bahala na si Lord sa inyo, busy ako.”
~President Aquino to critics
Have a safe 2014! Happy New Year!
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.
[Photos: ABC, Freepik.com, DOH]
THE BINAY SIBLINGS, a mayor and a senator have spoken. The security agency, and the villagers have also released their respective statements. Today, we’ll hear from one of the witnesses whose name has been unfairly dragged into the Dasma Gate controversy.
Please welcome… ang PAYONG.
Ang totoo po n’yan, natutulog ako sa likod ng kotse nang oras na ‘yon. Napagod kasi ako dahil halos maghapon akong ginamit. Nagulat na lang ako nang may dumampot sa akin. After a few seconds, katabi ko na ho si Mayor.
Umuulan ba ng gabing ‘yon o kaya umaambon man lang?
So bakit kailangang lumabas ka?
Itanong n’yo na lang ho kay Mayor. Ayaw kong mawalan ng trabaho eh.
Fine! Lagi ka bang ginagamit ni Mayor?
Pwede ho bang off-the-record na lang ang sasabihin ko?
Lagi nga ho akong pinag-o-OT eh. Maging sa dinner o kaya sa shower, ultimo sa pagdumi niya, nakapayong pa! Ok lang ho ‘yong dinner o shower eh pero ‘yong pagtae, hindi ko kinakaya.
That’s really weird.
Kayo ho ang nagsabi n’yan.
Anyway, ‘wag na nating pakialaman ang pribadong activities ng amo mo dahil labas na ang publiko d’yan. Balik tayo sa nangyari sa Dasma. Inuulan ngayon ng batikos si Mayor. Totoo bang sinabi niya sa mga security guards ang linyang, “Hindi n’yo ba ako nakikilala?”
Medyo unfair ho ang lumalabas sa balita eh. Edited na ho. Malisyoso! Ganito ho ang kumpletong pag-uusap na narinig ko:
“Merry Christmas mga pards! Kasama ko si senadora sa kasunod na kotse. Nagmamadali lang kami. Makikiraan naman d’yan.”
“Sorry sir, pero bawal na ho talagang dumaan. Past 10 PM na. Patakaran ho ‘yan.”
“Nakikita mo ba ako?”
“Oho sir. Pero bawal talaga.”
“Sigurado ka bang nakikita mo ako?”
“Oo naman sir. May ilaw naman eh.”
“Sige nga. Kung talagang nakikita mo ako… lugar ba ako?”
“T*ng-ina ka ah. Binabastos mo ba ako?”
“Sir, kahit guard ho ako, nag-take naman ako ng Biology noong high school. Ang humans ay hayop din, right? RIGHT!”
‘k. Ituloy na natin! Pagkain ba ako?
“Anak ba ako ng pulitiko?”
“Anak ba ako ng susunod na presidente?”
“Ulol! Member ba ako ng political dynasty?”
“Gago ka ah! Oo o Hindi lang! Political dynasty ba kami?”
“Tanga ba kayo sir? Oo o Hindi questions lang!”
“Sorry naman. May kapatid ba akong senadora?”
“Tarantado! Anong sort of? Inuulit ko: may kapatid ba akong senadora?”
“Oo! Ayan nga ho, nakatayo sa likod ng kotse n’yo!”
“Padadaanin n’yo ba ako?
“Hindi!!! Naku! Time’s up na sir!”
“Ayaw n’yo talaga akong padaanin? Hindi n’yo ba ako nakikilala?”
“Sorry nga sir, tapos na ang 2 minutes eh.”
To be fair ho kay Mayor, naabutan siya ng time bago niya itinanong ‘yon. So, hindi po counted.
Totoo bang kusa raw sumama sa Makati City Police Headquarters ang mga security guards?
May choice ba sila? Ayaw kong sagutin ‘yan. Mahirap na. Ang sarap-sarap ng buhay na tahimik ‘noh!
May nagpapatanong nga pala, bakit daw blue and white ka? Associated daw kay Mar Roxas ang blue. Mas bagay raw ang itim na payong kay Mayor.
Alam n’yo ho, ‘yan ang problema sa mga kritiko ng amo ko – masyadong pini-personal ang debate; pati hitsura, pinaglalaruan. May na-mention pang komedyanteng kamukha raw. Eh ‘di kayo na ang perfect! Pati kulay ng balat pinagdidiskitahan. That’s racism!
Sige… melaninism na lang! Hindi ho ikinakahiya ni Mayor na melanin-gifted siya. Kung may problema kayo sa balat n’ya, problema n’yo na ho ‘yon pero ‘wag n’yo itong gamiting isyu laban sa kanya. Masyado kayong namumulitika!
Ano’ng reaksyon mo sa pagkukumpara ng mga tao sa pagpapayong ni Mayor at ni dating First Lady Imelda Marcos?
Sumalangit nawa ang kaluluwa niya.
Sira-ulo! Buhay pa si Mrs. Marcos.
Buhay pa ba? Sorry. Hindi ko kasi naabutan ang pagpapayong niya noon. Tanungin mo na lang si Mayor. Mas familiar siguro s’ya.
Balik tayo sa insidente sa Dasma. Sa palagay mo ba ay tama ang naging asal ng iyong amo nang gabing ‘yon?
Merry Christmas nga ho pala! Marami ba kayong inaanak?
Grabe ho talaga ang nangyari sa NAIA Terminal 3! Wala talagang silbi ang mga pulis at ang DILG Secretary na ‘yan! Hoy Mr. Palengke, mag-resign ka na!
Huling tanong, bilang eyewitness sa pangyayari sa Banyan gate ng Dasmarinas Village, sa tingin mo ba ay mali ang naging asal ng amo mo?
Naku! I have to go na ho. May nag-text! “Dear Payong, Umuwi ka na. Natatae ako. – Mayor.” BYE!
“The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it.”
“I am saddened by the statement of the VP that he should have been given courtesy. No amount of need of courtesy will justify your willingness to kill a person just because he did not give you courtesy. You can’t demand courtesy by the barrel of a gun.”
~Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano on the Dasma Village incident
“I am not one who comments on every issue just to get publicity and to advance any political plans. At hindi ko ugaling manira ng ibang tao para lang malagay sa media.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay on Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano’s reaction to DasmaGate
“The sad fact is that people in power continue to find the need to flex muscle at the slightest opportunity, and take umbrage when crossed, and cry malice, cry persecution, when found out and exposed.”
~Philippine Daily Inquirer Editorial
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.
[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer]
ANOTHER ROBBERY took place at a branch of SM Supermalls. This time, the heist happened at SM North Edsa on Sunday night. Apparently, the robbers were able to sneak past mall security because they didn’t look like robbers at all. According to witnesses, they looked like lawmakers.
Police say the suspects were so daring they did not even try to cover their faces as they pulled of the robbery. Who the hell did they think they were… congressmen?
According to reports, a concerned President Aquino decided to check on SM North Edsa just a couple of hours after the robbery. When is he going to check on the Senate and the Lower House?
DILG Sec. Mar Roxas says the mall’s CCTV footage is clear and extensive. He’s hoping Jose Mari Gonzales won’t edit it.
Police claim the robbers were captured on CCTV. One robber was old, one was handsome, and another was sexy.
President Aquino and Secretary Roxas both visited the crime scene Sunday night. Roxas was doing his job. Aquino was doing Herbert Bautista’s job.
Last January, there was a similar incident at SM Megamall. The robbers were also identified as members of the so-called Martilyo Gang. HisThory repeats itself.
Secretary Roxas said some P5 million worth of jewelry were stolen from SM City North Edsa. Janet Napoles allegedly stole some P10 billion in pork barrel funds. Martilyo Gang members are confident they would be given the chance to surrender to President Aquino in Malacañang too.
A Don Mariano passenger bus fell off the Skyway on South Luzon Expressway around 5 am, Dec. 16. Probers put the initial death toll at 22. President Aquino believes the figure is too high.
A revised figure was released Monday evening. Reports said the accident killed 18 people only. The cop who gave the initial death toll was lucky Mar Roxas didn’t order him relieved.
Scientists recently discovered fossil remains of a 4.4-million-year-old horse. Apparently, it was the same horse Senator Enrile used to ride back in his youth.
Eccentric North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un has had his once powerful uncle executed for alleged corruption – prompting Peping Cojuangco to ask his nephew, Noynoy Aquino, “You’re not eccentric, right?”
“Man is not, by nature, deserving of all that he wants. When we think that we are automatically entitled to something, that is when we start walking all over others to get it.”
~ Criss Jami
“Siniguro ng Pangulo na nasa mga pulis ang sapat na kakayahan at imbestigasyon at tiniyak naman niya na ang utos niya na arestuhin ang dapat arestuhin at full force ang dapat mangyari ditO.”
~DILG Sec. Mar Roxas on why President Aquino went to SM North Edsa after the robbery last Sunday
Have a fun and safe week!
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.
[Photos: GMA Network, ABS-CBN News/Jacque Manabat, The Guardian]
In a privilege speech, Senator Santiago said Juan Ponce Enrile was a smuggler, a tax evader, a plunderer, a human rights violator, and a historical revisionist. The entire speech was disappointing! She didn’t tell us anything we didn’t know.
Reacting to Senator Santiago’s allegation that he’s a “psychopathic hypersexualized serial womanizer,” Senator Enrile said, “Siya mismo ang nagsabing ako ay maasim kaya kung may napilantikan sa aking asim, siguro naman ay dahil mayroon pa naman akong magandang tindig.” Gigi Reyes said, “I know, right?”
Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile said, “Si [Miriam] mismo ang nagsabing ako ay maasim kaya kung may napilantikan sa aking asim, siguro naman ay dahil mayroon pa naman akong magandang tindig.” Apparently, Enrile has a love life; he’s almost 90 years old. What’s your excuse?
According to Senator Santiago, Enrile owns a 441-hectare free port which operates recreational facilities like horse-racing, dog racing, gambling casinos, and golf courses. And Anne Curtis was like, “I’d like to buy that!”
Senator Santiago used words and phrases like “integrity of a hyena,” “hypersexualized,” “rancid genes,” “broken chromosomes,” “asinine,” “oxymoron,” and “non-sequitur.” During Santiago’s speech, Senator Enrile was seen holding a tablet. Jinggoy Estrada was seen holding a glass of water, and Bong Revilla was seen holding a dictionary.
Accused of pocketing almost 2 million pesos in pork barrel funds, former congressman Ruffy Biazon resigned as customs chief. Liberal partymates of Biazon say the embattled ex-solon quit his post out of delicadeza. Again, delicadeza – or as Pogi, Tanda, and Sexy would say, “What’s that?”
Over the weekend, the Pacquiao family went to a nearby mall to watch a movie. But the People’s Champ got upset and decided to just go home when he learned that the only film being screened was “Frozen.”
The 16-year-old wife of Freddie Aguilar vowed to be the folk singer’s “last.” The girl optimistically talks about their future. I just hope Ka Freddie makes it there.
Facebook has unveiled its latest feature that allows users to block content they don’t want to see from their friends. Facebook called this new feature the UNFOLLOW button. To which Twitter said, “Hashtag #Sinotto!”
Magazine publisher JR Isaac told the Philippine Entertainment Portal that a miffed (and possibly, drunk or whatever) Anne Curtis slapped some celebrities at the Privé Luxury Club recently. During the incident, Anne reportedly told model Phoemela Barranda, “’I can buy you, your friends, and this club!” The other day, Barranda denied that Curtis uttered those words. Bought.
Pope Francis revealed that he once worked as a club bouncer in Buenos Aires. Where was Pope Francis when Privé needed him most?
“We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them.”
~ George Orwell, 1984
“He was a foul caricature of himself, a man with no soul, no inner convictions, with the integrity of a hyena and the style of a poison toad.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago
“Hindi ako pumasok ng gobyerno para mandugas or to use government resources to make my life easy and comfortable.”
~COA Chair Grace Pulido-Tan
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.
[PHOTOS: ANC, DJ Sta. Ana, RuffyBiazon.Com, PinoyExchange]