29 11 2012

PRESIDENT AQUINO has declared every December 9 as National Anti-Corruption Day. Corrupt politicians and corrupt people in government were unfazed. They still have 364 days anyway.

To raise awareness on corruption issues, December 9 has been declared National Anti-Corruption Day. Considering the level of corruption in this country, why not make it ‘everyday?’

Here’s some good news. The country’s economy accelerated to 7.1 percent in the third quarter from the 3.2 percent growth rate in the same period last year. Even the government was shocked at this unexpected development. Maybe we’re just doing great or maybe… maybe the Mayans were right after all.

The government reported that Philippine economy grew 7.1 percent in the third quarter making it the best performer in Southeast Asia, and second only in Asia – behind Psy.

Socioeconomic Planning Secretary Arsenio Balisacan says the high GDP growth is expected to translate to more jobs for Filipinos. And RPN 9 employees were like, “Yeah right!”

The economy posted a surprising 7.1 percent growth in the third quarter. Still, that was nothing compared to the 300 percent growth rate of Aman Futures in the first quarter.

The country’s economy posted a 7.1 percent growth. The economy is doing good senatorial aspirants have spent more on political ads these days than they’ll do in the campaign period.

The economy is doing well thousands of nursing board passers are now finally employed – in call centers.

The economy is doing well even the party-list system has become a booming business.

Miriam and JLo
Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago watched the concert of multiplatinum artist Jennifer Lopez last Monday. But the feisty lawmaker was reportedly not impressed by the performance; reminding her of Niel Tupas during the impeachment trial.

Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago described the Jennifer Lopez concert as an “assault to my ears.” To which Atty. Vitaliano Aguirre said, “Now you know.”

Bonifacio Day
November 30 is a national holiday. Filipinos are expected to commemorate the martyrdom of Gat Andres Bonifacio – or as Aguinaldo’s descendants would say, “Sino ‘yon?”

I’m just curious, how do they observe Bonifacio Day in Cavite?

Top 8 Newspaper Headlines If Andres Bonifacio Were Alive Today

No. 8:
Bonifacio to mark 149th birthday in Tondo;
Guinness reps to award “Oldest Living Man” certificate

No. 7:
Scientists baffled
Filipino revolutionary finishes 10K fun run

No. 6:
Single for 69 years
Andres laughs off gay rumors; dismisses tabloid report as “sick” and “irresponsible”

No. 5:
Estrada, Lim seek endorsement of Ka Andres;
KKK founder to announce choice on eve of polls

No. 4:
CPP-NPA shocked
Ka Andres calls on Reds to give up arm struggle

No. 3:
Bonifacio’s memoir “full of half-truths, distorted facts” – Aguinado scion

No. 2:
Torn Bonifacio cedula fetches $35,000 on eBay

And the No. 1 newspaper headline if Bonifacio were still alive…

Boni over Bieber
Pinoy centenarian’s guesting on Gandang Gabi Vice trends in at least 14 countries
“The best way to boost the economy is to redistribute wealth downward, as poorer people tend to spend a higher proportion of their income.”
― Ha-Joon Chang, 23 Things They Don’t Tell You About Capitalism

Quote of the Day
“I was shocked beyond belief at the attack, the assault on my ears. It was so loud, and there were so many people. They turned themselves into a frenzy. Actually they were worshipping at the foot of someone who’s no longer human. She morphed into a digital idol. That was my experience last night.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago describing her JLo concert experience

You Have Spoken
Dapat na bang i-abolish ang party-list system sa bansa?
– YES. Masyado nang naabuso. Wala rin namang pagbabago. 83.2%
– NO! May matitino at genuine groups pa rin naman. 12%
– Ano ba ‘yang party-list system? 4.8%

Enjoy the long weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[JLO’s photo:]


2010: YEAR IN REVIEW (Part 1)

19 12 2010

ONCE AGAIN, it’s that time of the year when news and entertainment websites come up with a review of the events that transpired over the past 12 months. Some have already published their TOP 10 lists. TIME Magazine, for instance has the Top 10 of Everything of 2010 while PEOPLE magazine has its Best of 2010.

Beginning today, The Professional Heckler will be posting his own lists of the year’s bad, best, bald and Kris Aquino – plus, some year-end citations. Today’s post will be the first in a 3-part series. So sit back, relax, and enjoy… 2010: The Top 5 of Whatever!

Liberal Party’s Noynoy Aquino vs. Nacionalista’s Manny Villar (2010 Elections)
– Kapag binato ka ng bato (na pinulot sa C5 road), batuhin mo ng pekeng psychiatric evaluation reports. Kapag ‘di pa rin umubra, ang nanay mong ‘higit otsenta, iharap sa camera. Kapag ‘di pa rin kumita, mag-concede ka na habang kumakanta, “Nakaligo ka na ba sa dagat ng basura/ Nagpasko ka na ba sa gitna ng kalsada?”

Balay Group vs. Samar Group
– Kampanya pa lang may ‘balyahan’ na sa pagitan ng dalawang grupo. Pero ano ang sabi ng palasyo? Walang feud between Balay and Samar. Akala n’yo lang wala! Pero meron, meron, meron! Pak!

ABS-CBN vs. Willie Revillame
– For the love of money is the root of all lawsuits.

RH Bill Proponents vs. Pro-Life Advocates
Binantaan ng excommunication ang presidente. Ikinulong si Carlos Celdran. Nagkagiriian ang pro-life at pro-RH bill groups sa labas ng Manila Cathedral. Pinagbawalan ang DOH na mamahagi ng condom. And then suddenly, “Report: Pope approves use of condom to prevent diseases.” Whoa! Did anyone see that coming? Na-ah. Again, to the anti-RH bill people: Hindi kami makikialam sa inyong relihiyon, ‘wag n’yo lang pakialaman ang aming konstitusyon.

DILG Undersecretary Rico E. Puno vs. the Whole World
– “Bungled hostage rescue + jueteng controversy” are no match for “guns + shooting buddy.” Ikaw na ang maging best friend ng presidente! Ano ka ba talaga Usec? Puno o pusa? Siyam kasi ang buhay mo eh.

Honorable Mention (Feuds/Fights):
Former Sen. Dick Gordon vs. survey/research firms
Sen. Chiz Escudero vs. Mar Roxas & Korina Sanchez
Atty. Edwin Lacierda vs. Juana Change
Alpha Phi Omega Fraternity vs. DOJ Sec. Leila De Lima
Kris Aquino vs. James Yap
Kris Aquino vs. Mayen Austria
Kris Aquino vs. Atty. Lorna Kapunan
Kris Aquino vs. “Kris Aquino’s Despedida” Facebook Like Page fans
Kris Aquino vs. “them” (inside her head)

Joseph Estrada’s “junking” of runningmate Jejomar Binay
TV footage and photos prove it. Estrada did not vote for a vice presidential candidate last May 10. Sought for comment on the issue, Estrada initially admitted skipping the VP slot but “returned” and then corrected it. How in hell could he correct a ballot that had already been fed to the PCOS machine? “If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.” – Mark Twain

President Aquino on Donald Tsang’s missed calls
– At the height of the Manila hostage crisis, Hong Kong Chief Executive Donald Tsang tried to reach President Aquino twice but to no avail. Later, the president was quoted to have said: “Hindi ako kinatok sa meeting.” Tell that to the angry Chinese!

DILG Usec Rico E. Puno on jueteng emissaries
“Marami pong lumapit sa akin na padala ng mga taong may kinalaman sa jueteng. Ilan po sa kanila ay kaibigan ko pa.” But when asked to identify at least one of those jueteng emissaries, walang maalala ang punyeta! Nilapitan ka ng jueteng emissary, pinapasok mo sa iyong opisina, kinausap mong parang bisita, ‘tapos ni pangalan ng isa ‘di mo maalala? Leche flan ka!

Secretary Ricky Carandang on Mai Mislang’s tweets
“We warned her to be more careful with her tweets,” thus said Presidential Communications Development and Strategic Planning Office Secretary Ricky Carandang on Mai Mislang. For chrisssakes, Ricky, you were tweeting her! You were the one who asked about the taste of the wine in Vietnam. Did you advise her to be more circumspect during that very public Twitter exchange? No. As the poet Juvenal in Satire VI asked, “Who will guard the guardian themselves?”

Pampanga Governor Lilia Pineda on jueteng
Asked about alleged gambling operations in Pampanga, former presidential kumare, Governor Lilia Pineda categorically stated there’s no jueteng in her province. I’ve said this before and I’m saying this now: To say that there’s no jueteng in Pampanga is like saying there’s no Chocolate Hills in Bohol.

CHR Commissioner Coco Quisumbing
– Reporters covering the Commission on Human Rights were shocked when CHR Commissioner Coco Quisumbing suddenly went ballistic. Ang dahilan: ang arrangement ng pagkakaupo ng mga mamamahayag. Channeling her inner GMA, Quisumbing told the journalists:
“If you’re not in my line of sight, I am not going to talk to you. If you’re not going to listen to me and position yourselves as I am asking you to, I am just gonna walk out the door. Do you all hear me? (Yes, ma’am!) Ano?!? (Yes, ma’am!) I don’t hear all of you! (Yes, ma’am!) Ikaw, naka-green shirt, hindi kita kilala, I’m not going to take any of your questions. The lady with the white undershirt, what’s your name? You should be nicer to the person you want to interview. Be polite and you answer ok?”
Quisumbing’s outburst reminded me of a bumper sticker that read, “It’s called PMS because mad cow disease is already taken.” For her misplaced ego, Coco loco will also receive a special citation: “Bitchin’ for No Reason Syndrome Award.” Congratulations!

Mayor Alfredo Lim
– “Pulis lang! (sabay suntok sa mesa) Pulis lang ang magpapakamatay! Remember that!!” Sige po, tatandaan po namin ‘yan mayor. ‘Wag kayong mag-alala, hindi kami madaling makalimot. Even ‘yong utos n’yo sa mga pulis na “Sa Tondo na dalhin ‘yan” referring to the brother of the hostage taker, hindi po namin kakalimutan. Pero wait lang Mayor, curious lang kami, ano ba talagang meron sa Tondo? Bang!

Dante Jimenez
“Kayong mga justices, mga P.I. kayo! Pinatay n’yo ang criminal justice system. Mga P.I. kayo!” After expressing his “disgust” over the Supreme Court’s decision on the Vizconde massacre case, Jimenez resigned as president of the anti-crime group Volunteers Against Crime and Corruption (VACC). He said he’s willing to go to the mountains to make his sentiments known, if necessary. Well, timing ka sir! Baka kailangan ng kapalit ni Ka Roger.

Teresita Ang See
– In the IIRC hearings, Ang See castigated RMN news anchors Erwin Tulfo and Michael Rogas for obstructing and interfering with the negotiations during the Manila hostage crisis. Already irritated by the RMN anchors’ reasoning, Ang See even got more annoyed because of Tulfo’s fake American accent.

Baby Villar-Benedicto (Sister of Sen. Manny Villar)
– Questioned why they are letting their 86-year-old mother speak before the cameras, Baby Villar-Benedicto took a swipe at the Aquino camp saying, “Sino bang hindi ginagamit ang Nanay? Eh patay na nga ang nanay nila, ginagamit pa nila!” Wow, leveling!


“How much is galunggong? I don’t know. I’m a vegetarian.”
– Ex-senator Jamby Madrigal’s defense when attendees in a UP presidential forum heckled her after she failed to give the accurate price of galunggong. Again, that’s vegetarian, not vagitarian. Two different things.

“Well, well, I am sure that after your marriage, you had some insertions.”
– Sen. Aquilino Pimentel to Sen. Mar Roxas during Senate’s heated debate on the alleged C5 road project budget insertions of Senator Villar. Mr. Palengke was offended by the quip and sought an apology from the veteran politician. Moral of the story: When in Senate, do not crack jokes about cracks.

“’Pinakita Niya sa ‘kin hindi po ang mukha ni Gilbert Teodoro, kundi ang nakita ko sa aking harapan ay si President Obama. Nagkamayan kami, nagyakapan kami, nagpalitrato kami, ngunit sa uluhan po namin ay nakita ko, hindi po Barack Obama ang kanyang pangalan. Alam n’yo po kung ano? Gib Obama, Gibo Obama.”
– Pastor Apollo Quiboloy’s official statement when he announced his endorsement of presidential candidate Gilbert Teodoro || Good thing he said he saw the name, “Gibo Obama.” Akala ko ang nakita niya, “Gibo Loy.” Anyway, that was lame. That was crap. That was so Quiboloy.

“I am going to be a blessing to others.”
– Hayden Kho Jr. after the Pasig City RTC dismissed the sex video scandal case filed against him by actress Katrina Halili || ‘Blessing to others’ ba ‘ka mo?! Blessing mo’ng bay*g mo!

“Hindi nagka-strike yesterday. ‘Yong mga driver na-late po ang pagpasok. Karamihan ng driver ay walang cellphone, o kaya ang cellphone ay mahina ang baterya kaya pinapatay nila pagdating sa bahay. ‘Pag matutulog, pinapatay.”
– IMBOA president and former jukebox artist Claire de la Fuente denying that bus operators staged a transport holiday last Nov. 15 in protest of the number coding scheme | Hoy Claire! Oo, ikaw! Kung ang mga tax collector ng BIR, kaya mong paikutin ng ilang beses, kami… hindi! Sabi nga ni Melanie Marquez: You can fool me once. You can fool me twice. You can even fool me thrice. But you can never fool me four! Lowbatt your face!
“Justice and power must be brought together, so that whatever is just may be powerful, and whatever is powerful may be just.”
~Blaise Pascal


Top 5 Heroes
Top 5 Villains
Top 5 Biggest Duds of the Year
Top 5 “Pansinin N’yo Naman Ako!” Moments
“Eeew!” Photo of the Year
Awkward Moment of the Year
And a lot more! Abangan!

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Have a great week! Ingat!
Go #teamlakers #beattheheat

26 04 2010

April 26th
On this date in…

1521: Ferdinand Magellan is killed in a fight with natives on Mactan Island. At least that part of history was clear. The one question many Filipinos have been asking for 489 years now is: Sino ang pumatay kay Lapu-Lapu?

1744: Swedish astronomer Anders Celsius dies… due to extreme temperature.

1785: Ornithologist John James Audubon is born. To the surprise of his mom and the attending physicians, Baby John James didn’t cry at birth. He chirped.

1886: Specializing in neurology, Sigmund Fraud, er Freud opens his own medical practice

1921: Weather broadcasts were heard for the first time on radio. But nobody believed the forecast read on air by Nathaniel “Mang Tanny” Cruz.

1995: Answer: Seventy-four-year-old Jeopardy host who died of pancreatic cancer. Who is Art Fleming?

Ten years ago, Vermont Governor Howard Dean signed the nation’s first bill allowing same-sex couples to form civil unions. In the succeeding elections, Dean got the endorsement of “Ang Ladlad.”

Ten years ago, Vermont Governor Howard Dean signed the nation’s first bill allowing same-sex couples to form civil unions. The Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines condemned the governor and vowed to campaign against him in the next elections.

Have a safe week ahead!

21 02 2010

February 22nd
On this date in…

1512: Amerigo Vespucci, the Italian explorer who discovered the New World dies at 57. The cause of his death has yet to be discovered.

1561: William of Orange is appointed viceroy of Burgundy. He then weds Wendy of Violet who was recently appointed vicereine of Magenta. 1630: English settlers in America discover how to make popcorn. In the hope of earning profit from their new discovery, the settlers begin to discover how to make movie theaters.

1774: The English House of Lords rules authors do not have perpetual copyright. The Ilocos Times agrees. 1903: Due to drought, the US side of Niagara Falls runs short of water. Angelo Reyes then warns of rotating brownouts. Two days later, he flip-flops and assures that there will be enough power supply in the country.

1971: Award-winning Filipina singer and actress Lea Salonga is born. Baby Lea’s first cry surprises everyone in the room because it had an American twang.

1980: Afghanistan declares martial law… after a fake ambush on Juan Ponce Enrile in Kandahar.

1986: An estimated two million people begin converging at the historic Epifanio De Los Santos Avenue or Edsa as the bloodless People Power Revolution in the Philippines begins. The gathering of people at Edsa results in a ginormous traffic jam – a problem that will remain unsolved by the MMDA 24 years later.

1997: Scientists in Roslin, Scotland announce that an adult sheep named Dolly has been successfully cloned.
1997: Scientists in Roslin, Scotland announce that an adult sheep named Dolly has been successfully cloned.
“The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”
~ William James

Thanks to BBC On this Day, Any-Day-in-History, and Wikipedia.

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