WHICH PORK SCAM PLAYER ARE YOU?

FIND OUT by answering this pork barrel scam personality test. You must write your answers on a paper or type them on your phone. Good luck!

01
1: Choose a movie:
A: Toy Story
B: Bituing Walang Ningning
C: Die Hard
D: Magic Mike
E: The Godfather

2: Sa school, inakusahan kang nandaya sa exam, anong gagawin mo?
A: Ipagpapasa-Diyos ko na lang.
B: Igigiit na walang alam sa nangyari.
C: Magagalit. Magtuturo ng ibang kaklase.
D: Aamin pero sasabihing hindi ako ang nagsimula.
E: Deadma. Pero maghahanda ako ng defense in case magkaroon ng imbestigasyon.

3: What was the answer to the riddle of the Sphinx?
A: Ano ba ‘yong Sphinx?
B: Hindi ko alam.
C: Tang-ina. Malay ko!
D: Can I call a friend? Chos!
E: Ang dali naman. Next question please.

4: Select a sport or game:
A: Dama
B: Basketball
C: Boxing
D: Volleyball
E: Horse Race

5: Choose a quote or saying:
A: A thing of beauty is a joy forever.
B: If your dreams don’t scare you, they are not big enough.
C: Just do it.
D: The truth will set you free.
E: Age doesn’t matter.

01
6: Pick an animal:
A: Rooster
B: Pig
C: Crocodile
D: Butterfly
E: Turtle

7: How would your friends describe you?
A: Attractive
B: Generous
C: Confident
D: Sociable
E: Intelligent

8: Choose a TV show:
A: Eat Bulaga
B: Kabuhayang Swak na Swak
C: Tukaan
D: Project Runway
E: TV Patrol

9: Ano ang kinatatakutan mo?
A: Aging
B: Poverty
C: Secret!
D: Cockroach
E: Death

Review your answers. Count the As, Bs, Cs, Ds, and Es.

If you answered mostly As, click here.
*
If you answered mostly Bs, click here.
*
If you answered mostly Cs, click here.
*
If you answered mostly Ds, click here.
*
If you answered mostly Es, click here.
——————————————————————————-
“Truth fears no questions.”
~Anonymous

2Sound Bites
“Ruby Tuason’s immunity from the PDAF cases does not automatically cover the Malampaya case. She has not been extended immunity in Malampaya because the case is still being evaluated.”
~DOJ Sec. Leila De Lima on Ruby Tuason

Have a nice weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: DZMM, Funny-Pictures.Net, Inquirer.Net/DOJ]

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PAGE 2013: A YEAR-ENDER

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WE’RE TAKING a look back at the year’s most memorable moments: triumphs, tragedies and controversies, and the people – good or bad – who made the headlines.

This is… Page 2013: A Year-End Report

People of the Year
#YolandaPh volunteers and donors (both local and foreign)
Thank you!

Stories of the Year
Pork Barrel Scam
#YolandaPH

nap 2

Newsmaker of the Year
Janet ‘Jenny’ Lim-Napoles

Ruling of the Year
“The pork barrel system is unconstitutional!”
~ Supreme Court of the Philippines

Women of the Year
COA Chair Grace Pulido-Tan
Justice Secretary Leila De Lima
Ombudsman Conchita Carpio-Morales
BIR Commissioner Kim Henares
Chief Justice Maria Lourdes Sereno

Super Villains of the Year
Juan Ponce Enrile, Jinggoy Estrada, Bong Revilla
and the alleged pork barrel thieves in government

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Team of the Year
PDAF Scam Whistleblowers

Special Citation: Eksenadora of the Year
Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

Special Citation: Spokesperson of the Year
Malacañang for Meralco: “The P4.16/kWh rate hike is reasonable.”

Special Citation: Entertainer of the Year
Health Asst. Sec. Eric Tayag

Special Citation: Joke of the Year
Kris Aquino announces resignation

“I’m giving up my shows. Hindi ko sinasabi ‘yan so that I can say that I’m the one making the bigger sacrifice, no. Tinatalikuran ko ‘yung mundong kinilala kong bumuhay sa ‘kin, dahil higit dun sa karera ko, mas mahal ko ang anak ko. At paglaki ng anak ko gusto ko talagang malaman niya na ibinigay ko ang lahat. Dahil noong nabubuhay ang mom namin ibinigay niya ang lahat para sa ‘min. Ibinibigay ko ang lahat para sa anak ko.”

tolSpecial Citation: Patola of the Year
MMDA Chairman Francis Tolentino

On Dan Brown’s novel in which Manila was depicted as “the gates of hell”
“Pinapalabas niyang ang Metro Manila puro kadumihan. We surmise that Mr. Brown is not familiar with Manila or Metro Manila. [This is where the cradle of Catholicism] is as well as other religions. Truly, our place is an entry to heaven.”

Mag-Move On Ka Na Award
President Noynoy Aquino (Tama na ang paninisi! Utang na loob!)

THE 2013 SARI-SARI LIST

bbWinners
– Pope Francis
– The economy (in all fairness!)
– The Philippine Daily Inquirer’s pork barrel scam series
Special Mention:
– Million People March
– Grace Poe #topnotcher
– Nancy Binay #AkalainMoYun

2Losers
– Corrupt lawmakers and their cohorts [SC: Pork is illegal]
– Jeane ‘Bebe Gurr’ Napoles [The nerve!]
– Jack Enrile – the highest spender in the 2013 senatorial elections lost big time!
Special Mention:
– CBCP’s anti- “Team Patay” propaganda in the last elections #fail
– Kit Tatad: “RH Law is genocide.”
– Atimonan Police Checkpoint (Rubout!)

MEWar of the Words
– Miriam Defensor-Santiago vs. Juan Ponce Enrile
– Mar Roxas vs. Alfred Romualdez
– Philippines vs. Taiwan (over the shooting of a Taiwanese fisherman)
Special Mention:
– Manny Pacquiao vs. Kim Henares
– Vice Ganda vs. Jessica Soho
– Vice Ganda vs. Nancy Binay
– Makati vs. Taguig (over Bonifacio Global City)
Alan Peter Cayetano vs. Juan Ponce Enrile
– Heart Evangelista vs. her parents

1KWTF Moments
– Just Married: Freddie Aguilar, 60 and “Babe,” 16
– Caught on Cam: Then LTO Chief Virginia Torres playing a slot machine
– Epal: Binay stickers on the relief goods for Yolanda victims
Special Mention:
– Say What?: Airport officials reveal: NAIA Terminal 3 has no CCTV
– Ibang Level: Juan Ponce Enrile playing Bejeweled while working
– Unfairness: Cong. Magtanggol Gunigundo’s proposed lifetime tax break for Pacquiao
– Stolen Shots: UP masteral student Mark Solis’s plagiarized photos
– Front Page: Philippine Daily Inquirer’s fake TIME cover #toingks
– Wat Da Pak: Surian ng Wikang Filipino’s proposal to change the official name of the country from Pilipinas/Philippines to Filipinas
Sisterakas: The Aquino sisters on TV Patrol/24 Oras defending Kris against James Yap

bieberNegastars
Gigi Reyes, Ruby Tuason, Richard Cambe and other lawmakers’ aides and staff who fled the country (now in hiding) at the height of the pork scam probe
– Nur Misuari (Zamboanga siege)
– Junjun Binay (Dasma Village incident)
– Butch Abad, Frank Drilon and DAP
Special Mention:
– Jojo Ochoa (And his alleged ties with Napoles!)
– Arnold Clavio
– Korina Sanchez
– Meralco and the 4.16/kWh power rate hike (Eff u!)
– Don Mariano Transit

napolesComebacks
– The PCOS Machine
– Manny Pacquiao
– Joseph Estrada
Special Mention:
– Gilas Pilipinas, Not this time Korea. Not this time! We’re off to the FIBA World Cup
– Nonito Donaire
– DLSU Green Archers, champs again after six years!
– Doris Bigornia

eBreakups (Or something like that)
– Lorna Kapunan and Janet Lim-Napoles
– Juan Ponce Enrile and Gigi Reyes
– Philippine Daily Inquirer and Pugad Baboy
Special Mention:
– Willie Revillame and TV5
– Claudine Barretto and Raymart Santiago
– The Barrettos

untitledGoing, Going… Gone!
– Pope Benedict XVI resigns
– Freedom of Information Bill – Anyareh?
– Communications Sec. Ricky Carandang and Customs Commissioner Ruffy Biazon
Special Mention:
– Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, Mike Arroyo and Mikey Arroyo
– Edwin Lacierda
– Ateneo Blue Eagles Men’s Basketball Team (Season 76)
– The Gutierrezes
– Wally Bayola
– Ask. FM

bieberBreakout Performers
– Atty. Leni Robredo (She trumped a supertrapo!)
– Kobe Paras, slam dunk prince
– Jeron Teng
Special Mention:
– NU Pep Squad
– Tom Rodriguez, My Husband’s Lover
– Jessy Mendiola

1M
Disasters
– #YolandaPh
– Bohol Quake
– MV St. Thomas Aquinas collides with MV Sulpicio Express Siete: 55 dead
Special Mention
– Typhoon Labuyo
– USS Guardian runs aground at Tubbataha Reef
– Two Serendra Condominium Explosion
– Jinggoy’s privilege speech

1
Most Beautiful
– Megan Young, Miss World
– Bea Rose Santiago, Miss International
– Mutya Datul, Miss Supranational
– Ariella Arida, 3rd runner-up: Miss Universe
Special Mention:
– Ali Forbes, 3rd runner-up: Miss Grand International
– Koreen Medina, 3rd runner-up: Miss Intercontinental
– Gil Wagas, 4th runner-up: Mr. International
– Angelee De Los Reyes, Semifinalist: Miss Earth
– Cindy Miranda, Semifinalist: Miss Tourism Queen International

UntitledIn Memoriam: Notable Deaths
– Crocodile Lolong
– Freedom fighter Nelson Mandela, humanitarian Paul Walker
– Former Chief Justice Andres Narvasa, former Solicitor General Frank Chavez, former DOTC Sec. Leandro Mendoza, former Health Secretary Alberto Romualdez,
– Directors Behn Cervantes and Eddie Romero, activist priest Joe Dizon
– National Artists Andrea Veneracion and Daisy Avellana, anthropologist F. Landa Jocano, Isagani Cruz
– Bella Flores, Subas Herrero, Ama Quiambao, Sammy Lagmay, Susan Fuentes, Renato Del Prado, Pepe Pimentel, Papa Dom Gamboa of Tropical Depression
– Journalist June Keithley, chef Nora Daza
– Sultan Jamalul Kiram, Former QC Mayor Mel Mathay Jr.
– UP Manila student Kristel Tejada

UntitledBuzz Words/Phrases
– Selfie
– Throwback Thursday
– “… pag may time!”
– Tanda, Pogi, Sexy
– DAP
– Storm surge
– Look up! Look up!
– Push mo ‘yan!

1NANSound Bites
“At the end of the day, ang apelyido ko pa rin ang nagpapanalo sa akin sa halalang ito.”
~ Sen. Nancy Binay

“Basta huwag lang manghihingi sa amin ang mga tao! Eh, anong ibibigay namin? Hindi naman puwede ‘yong sa pinaghihirapan namin dahil sa personal naman namin ‘yon, sa mga anak, sa mga pang-araw-araw na panggastos namin.”
~ Cavite Rep. Lani Mercado-Revilla on the proposed abolition of the pork barrel

“You have to remember, you are a Romuldez and the President is an Aquino.”
~ DILG Sec. Mar Roxas

“Hindi naman ako ordinaryong governor. Artista rin ako. At ‘di ako basta-bastang artista. Ako si Asiong Salonga at ako si El Presidente!”
~ ER Ejercito justifying his being late for a palace meeting with President Aquino

image
“Wala pong nanggaling sa gobyerno kahit piso.”
~ Janet ‘Jenny’ Lim-Napoles on her wealth

“We are supposed to be celebrating that we got the biggest crook in Philippine politics. Hindi natin nakuha ng murder, ng cheating, ng kung anu-ano pa. We finally nailed him with this one. We should be celebrating. This guy has committed so many crimes, we failed to nail him.”
~ Sen. Antonio Trillanes on Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile’s alleged involvedment in the pork scam

“Hindi n’yo ba ako nakikilala?”
~ Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay

“Saan po kaya kumukuha ng kapal ng mukha ang mga kawani sa ahensiyang ito?”
~ President Aquino berating the Bureau of Customs, SONA 2013

SALCEDA
“Ang hirap nga lang kung si Jessica Soho magbo-bold. Kailangan gang rape lagi. Sasabihin ng rapist, ‘Ipasa ang lechon.’ Sasabihin naman ni Jessica, ‘Eh nasaan yung apple?’”
~ Vice Ganda during his Big Dome Concert

“Rape is not a joke and should never be material for a comedy concert. I thank all those who shared my hurt and expressed their support, but this should not be about me but about rape victims who suffer tremendously from this terrible crime. The horrors they go through are unspeakable and should never be taken lightly, especially by way of a cruel joke.”
~ Journalist Jessica Soho

kris
“Tandaan mo ‘to: may three years pa ang kapatid ko.”
~ Kris Aquino to James Yap during one of their fights

“I am endorsing Sonny Angara because I want young people in the Senate. He is young, idealistic, and full of sex appeal. ”
~ Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

“Ewan ko ho. Hindi ko ho alam. I invoke my right blah blah blah…”
~ Janet Lim-Napoles at the Senate

“If anyone reading this can prove to me that my husband has stolen any amount from his PDAF in his 12 years as senator, I will give you P10 million in cash and I will leave my husband.”
~ Sharon Cuneta reacting to Jinggoy Estrada’s privilege speech on PDAF

1K
“Kuya, bibigyan kita ng picture. ’Wag mo na akong picturan. Pangit ako ngayon.”
~Janet ‘Jenny’ Lim-Napoles to an Inquirer photographer during PDI’s exclusive interview

“The last time I spoke to the Senator from abroad… he even told me to be strong… that we will fight together.”
~ Gigi Reyes, Enrile’s chief of staff and rumored girlfriend

“It’s not the end of my political career.”
~ Annabelle Rama after losing in the congressional race in Cebu

“Pansira ka ng araw… tatawa-tawa ka pa! Sana pala hindi na namin kayo tinawagan. Wala akong nakuha sa inyo!”
~Arnold Clavio to Janet Napoles’s lawyer Alfredo Villamor

“I can buy you, your friends and this club.”
~ Anne Curtis to Phoemela Barranda

1char
“I have come to accept the real me. I have come to love the real me. I now celebrate the real me.”
~ Charice telling the whole world she’s gay

“Who am I to judge a gay person of goodwill who seeks the Lord?”
~ Pope Francis

“Accuracy is what we care most about here at CNN. In every report, we have shown how strong the Filipino people are. Ms Sanchez is welcome to go there and I would urge her to go there. I don’t know if she has but her husband is the interior minister, I’m sure he could arrange her flight.”
~ CNN’s Anderson Cooper to Korina Sanchez

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“Nahanap ko na ang taong para sa akin. ‘Wag na nilang ilayo ang taong mahal ko. Masaya na ako. Everybody deserves to be happy.”
~ Heart Evangelista

“Child abuse ba ‘yong inaalagaan ka? Hindi ko siya iiwan. Mahal ko siya.”
~ Folk singer Freddie Aguilar’s 16-year-old gf/wife

“Ariella Arida, Laguna, Pheleppens!”
~Ariella Arida, Miss Universe 2013 3rd runner-up on coronation night

“Kanina, nakita natin ang pagdagsa sa Ayala ng mga tae…”
~ Journalist Jiggy Manicad to a guest interviewee on GMANewsTV’s ‘QRT’
———————————————————————–
“If you don’t know history, then you don’t know anything. You are a leaf that doesn’t know it is part of a tree.”
~ Michael Crichton

Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: PDI, PhilStar, GMANews, ABSCBNNews, Interaksyon, Rappler, Anonymous Inc, Reuters, Heart Evangelista)

SLAM BOOK SERIES: JANET NAPOLES

JANET ‘JENNY’ Lim-Napoles has been “commanded and ordered” to appear before the Senate Blue Ribbon Committee on November 7. She has two more weeks to memorize the line, “Your honor, I would like to invoke my right against self-incrimination.”

The Senate has officially issued a subpoena requiring Janet Lim-Napoles to appear before the Blue Ribbon Committee. Everyone is excited. In fact, Jinggoy Estrada and Bong Revilla have volunteered to sponsor the “Welcome home!” banner.

Reports say the Nov. 7 hearing which will be attended by Janet Napoles shall be free-flowing. Senators will be allowed to use Tita, Ma’am, Mare, Friendsheeep or ‘Teh when they talk to Napoles.

SLAM BOOK. Last year, we started our slam book series. Some of the personalities featured were President Aquino, Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago, Sen. Lito Lapid, Cong. Manny Pacquiao, and presidential sister Kris Aquino. Today, we’ll get to know more about suspected pork barrel queen, Janet Lim-Napoles. She sent her answers to our questions via email.

1SB
2SB

3SB
4SB

Sea Serpent
An 18-foot-long sea serpent was found in Southern California. The rare snakelike fish left residents in awe. But that’s nothing compared to a 23-headed pig found in the Philippine Senate or the 400-legged amphibian found in the Lower House.

Sound Bites
“Every single Filipino wants to spit at a senator, including myself, within spitting distance. We’re severely damaged.”
~ Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago
———————————————
“I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed.”
~ Jonathan Swift

Have a safe week everyone!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

RUMORS, FACTOIDS, AND HUMOR

Totally Baseless Information On or About Political Figures, People in Government, and Other Personalities In the News


1: Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile stopped eating pork and beef when he turned 80 years old. He’s now 89 and eats only fish. His all-time favorite is “GG.”

2: In her high school yearbook, Janet ‘Jenny’ Lim-Napoles was described as “Most Likely to Get Away With A Crime Due to Connections.”

3: Jinggoy Estrada is into zumba. He also attends a yoga class thrice a week.

4: When the pork barrel scam story first came out, at least nine senators opened new bank accounts in the Caribbean. One Cabinet member closed a Metrobank account.

5: Janet Lim-Napoles had a cameo in Bong Revilla’s 2002 MMFF entry “Agimat.” She played the role of a witch who terrorized a community. In the closing credits though, “Janet Napoles – As herself” appeared.

6: In her past life, lawyer Lorna Kapunan was a geisha.

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7: Incumbent Masbate governor and former representative Rizalina Seachon-Lanete (who was charged with plunder) loves the color orange. In a radio interview, she admitted that all her clothes, including her panties, brassieres, and corsets were orange. One of her daughters is named Carrota.

8: Juan Ponce Enrile’s former chief of staff, Gigi Reyes who is also facing plunder charges has left the country. She communicates with Enrile through Skype or Facetime before going to bed every night.

9: When Jeane Napoles celebrated her 18th birthday, the traditional 18 candles were replaced by 18 Rolex watches while the 18 roses became 18 Louis Vuitton bags.

10: Bong Revilla has lost 12 lbs. since the PDAF scandal broke out. He has also started taking anti-depressants.

11: After drawing flak for her controversial statement on pork barrel, Lani Mercado was ordered gagged by the Revilla clan.

12: Janet ‘Jenny’ Lim-Napoles is a dominatrix.

13: A corrupt senator’s corrupt chief of staff receives a monthly salary of P50,000 only. But every quarter, s/he gets an additional P5-million per approved transaction with a bogus NGO.

14: In grade school, Benhur Luy was once named Mr. Talent in the Mr. and Ms. Nutrition contest. His talent was forging signatures.


15: When his name was mentioned by talent manager Lolit Solis on radio, Executive Secretary Paquito ‘Jojo’ Ochoa unfriended Janet and Jimmy Napoles on Facebook. He has since deactivated the account.

16: Janet Lim-Napoles’ code name for Jojo Ochoa was ‘Tagay.’ Ochoa’s code name for Napoles was ‘ILONGga.’

17: JLN Corp’s office is at Unit 2502 in Discovery Suites. Asked why she chose 2502, Janet Napoles’ once boasted, “250 senators and congressmen mula sa two Houses of Congress ang hawak ko sa bayag.”

18: When Joseph Estrada was first told about Jinggoy Estrada’s alleged involvement in another fund scandal, he allegedly quipped, “May bago ba do’n?”

18.1: Everytime Jinggoy Estrada tells a lie, he gains a pound.

19: A recent survey revealed 6 in 10 lawmakers have met and partied with Janet Lim-Napoles. The rest are liars who are going to rot in hell anyway.

20: Former senator and now, Manila Standard Today columnist Kit Tatad will drop another bombshell: President Aquino was having dinner with Nur Misuari in Basilan when Zamboanga City was attacked by MNLF rebels.

21: Nur Misuari’s full name is Nuraanur Villamayor Misuari. His mother, Marie Lyn (who married a Muslim scholar she met in UP) was originally from Bicol.

22: On a scale of Frank Drilon to Loren Legarda, the average sexiness of senators is Nancy Binay. On a scale of Lito Lapid to Miriam Defensor-Santiago, the average Senate IQ is Tito Sotto.

23: Manny Pacquiao recites Biblical passages whenever he makes love to Jinkee.

24: A private, non-commissioned study showed DILG Sec. Mar Roxas had the longest television exposure among government officials this year on a per minute basis. As of Sept. 16, his total TV exposure was 234 minutes while President Aquino was exposed for about 198 minutes. Rounding out the top 5 were Vice President Jejomar Binay, DOJ Sec. Leila De Lima, and Health Assistant Secretary Dr. Eric Tayag.

25: Taguig City Mayor Lani Cayetano and Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay were high school sweethearts.

26: In Traveler’s Digest’s list of the 10 “Cities with the World’s Best Looking Men,” Quezon City placed seventh. Not to be outdone, another magazine named Makati City as one of the 10 “Cities in the World With the Longest-Serving Political Families in the City Hall.”

27: LTO Chief Virginia Torres is a Martin Scorsese die-hard. Her favorite Scorsese film is ‘Casino.’

28: The Ateneo De Manila Athletic Council has released an open letter to the Ateneo community enjoining them to cheer for FEU as the Tamaraws battle La Salle in the UAAP Final 4.

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29: After enjoying her first MRT ride, Kris Aquino announces her three next adventures: riding a jeepney in Pasay, swimming in Lagusnilad or España on a stormy day, and taking a ferry ride to Cebu via Sulpicio Lines.

30: When he’s being playful, Sen. Koko Pimentel calls Senators Chiz Escudero and Sonny Angara “beh.”
————————————————-
“The number one rule of thieves is that nothing is too small to steal.”
~ Jimmy Breslin

Sound Bites
“In October, we will come up with the results of the audit on the Malampaya Fund. Let this serve as a heads-up. The results will be explosive.”
~COA Chief Grace Pulido-Tan

Have a safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.