THE SECOND HALF

THE YEAR is almost over. Here’s a recap of some of my [personal] favorite posts from July to the present. In case you missed it…

#1muPork Barrel Fund Scam
Like Bong Revilla and Jinggoy Estrada, Senator Enrile was examined by doctors in Camp Crame. The results: Blood Pressure 200 over 90; Pulse, 84, and Heart, It’s Complicated.

Enrile’s former chief of staff and rumored girlfriend Gigi Reyes was also arrested last Friday. Or as Cristina Enrile calls it, ‘the best day of my life.’

The Sandiganbayan ordered the transfer of Gigi Reyes to the BJMP jail at Camp Bagong Diwa, Bicutan, Taguig City. The anti-graft court denied her petition to be detained in Camp Crame. Prosecutors hailed the ruling as a victory for justice, taxpayers, and Cristina Enrile.

On Wednesday night, Gigi Reyes experienced anxiety attack – allegedly, so she was rushed to the Taguig-Pateros District Hospital. On Friday night, she was transferred to the Philippine Heart Center in Quezon City on suspicions she had a heart problem. Doctors immediately examined her and concluded she has a condition called, “still in love and couldn’t move on.”

The lawyer of Janet Lim-Napoles says the pork barrel queen is happy now because, “She has given up her life for the Lord.” This morning, the Lord replied, “No, thanks!”

The Sandiganbayan granted Gigi Reyes’s petition to undergo a brain scan at the PGH. The controversial lawyer, who is facing plunder charges reportedly banged her head against the wall last August 5. Aww, that’s unfortunate. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the wall.

A news report says Jinggoy Estrada is suffering from the same illness as Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo: arthritis of the neck. The report has been dismissed as baseless and preposterous mostly because Jinggoy doesn’t have a neck.

The Anti-Money Laundering Council has discovered that Bong Revilla lied in his SALN. Among other things.

1BINThe Binays
Vice President Binay’s rating in Pulse Asia’s September 2014 survey on Filipinos’ presidential preferences dropped to 31 percent from 41 percent in June. Rumors say Binay is depressed because he lost 10 percent – something that’s unusual for him. He’s so used to gaining 13 percent.

Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada says he will run for president in 2016 if Vice President Binay is adopted by the Liberal Party. In short, the next elections will probably be a choice between Estrada and Binay. One is a womanizing, graft-tainted, long-serving politician and the other one is Erap.

Of the government’s four highest-ranking officials, Vice President Binay got the highest trust and approval rating. It was so high… Junjun Binay had to take the elevator.

Vice President Binay insists corruption allegations against him and his family are politically-motivated because he continues to top presidential surveys. Detractors should also be wary of the fact that mudslinging the Binays is a waste of mud.

1MCORR
Makati residents gathered in front of the building to show their support for the Binays. One resident held a placard that said, “Walang corrupt sa Makati.” In totally unrelated news, wala na raw Katoliko sa Vatican City.

The alleged Binay estate in Rosario, Batangas has an air-conditioned piggery – the second of its kind to be built in the Philippines… after Batasang Pambansa.

The release of his youngest daughter’s Instagram photos has angered Vice President Binay. For him, what Alan Peter Cayetano did was too much. Joanna Marie Binay who captioned one of her photos, “Our place in Batangas.” has since deactivated her Instagram account. Antonio Tiu couldn’t help but pity the young Binay. He was so affected he came close to admitting that he owned the Instagram account.

Reports say tycoon Manny Pangilinan is being considered by Vice President Binay as a potential running mate in 2016. Interesting. One is an intelligent, hardworking guy who has made billions from his empire and the other one is Manny Pangilinan.

1NOYPresident Aquino
According to the latest Social Weather Stations survey, 55 percent of Filipinos were satisfied with President Aquino’s performance. The rest were Noranians.

According to online reports, President Aquino’s motorcade halted traffic on Haight St. in San Francisco, California when his entourage dropped by a McDonald’s restaurant to eat lunch. After finishing his meal, President Aquino bought some McDonald’s toys for his allies in Congress. Each of his solon-friends will get a Hamburglar.

According to the latest Pulse Asia survey, 6 in 10 Filipinos do not want a second term for President Aquino. The six were identified as Jojo, Junjun, Nancy, Abby, Anne, and Elenita.

November 7 marks the first anniversary of Super Typhoon Yolanda. President Aquino and his men visited the areas most severely damaged by the super typhoon. First stop, Malacañang.

A group wants President Aquino to seek a second term saying he’s “the best and only successor.” The group calls itself “MORE2COME.” Personally though, President Aquino finds “MORE2COME” a bit of a challenge. At his age.

Phivolcs says Mayon Volcano is restive again and an “eruption is possible within weeks.” When President Aquino heard this, he said, “’Buti pa ‘yong Mayon, pumuputok pa.”

2IMImelda
On her 85th birthday, Imelda Marcos prayed for strength to prolong her existence. In response, God gave her formalin.

On her birthday, Imelda visited her constituents and handed them cash gifts. The people thanked her for giving them back their money.

Imelda Marcos is confident of reclaiming Malacañang through her son Bongbong Marcos. If Marcos Jr. gets elected, his wife Louise will have too many shoes to fill.

Arrested
Jovito Palparan, the retired major general who was labeled as “The Butcher” by leftists has been arrested in Manila. The lone informant will receive a bounty of 2 million pesos. The NBI has submitted his name to the President, the DOJ and the BIR.

Reports say the intelligence operation to capture retired Major General Jovito Palparan was codenamed Project Runway. When arresting agents came face to face with Palparan though, they changed the operation code to Ambush Makeover.

At least 10 police officers were allegedly behind the EDSA-Mandaluyong robbery-abduction case last week.Two of the cops were “repeat offenders.” SPO1 Ramil Hachero and PO2 Jonathan Rodriguez were slapped with the same charges in 2011. Apparently, they never learned. Hachero and Rodriguez are the Jinggoy Estrada of the police force.

1PacPacquiao
Manny Pacquiao has been drafted in the PBA by the team that earlier named him as coach. The world class boxer-turned actor-turned politician-turned TV host-turned motivational speaker-turned cager will suit up as KIA’s playing coach. That explains why TV5’s latest programming puts the PBA under the category ‘Sitcom.’

At the PBA Rookie Draft on Sunday, KIA also picked Manny’s cousin, the unheralded and the inexperienced Rene Pacquiao. Observers believe he was chosen only because of Manny’s influence and popularity. Rene Pacquiao is the Nancy Binay of the PBA.

Congested
According to the Bureau of Jail Management and Penology, the congestion rate of jails nationwide is now at 326 percent. In fact, some detention cells reportedly have congestion rates of more than 1,000 percent. However, not all facilities with criminals are congested. Exception: Batasang Pambansa.

Attraction
Manila Crocodile Park’s newest attraction is a huge croc named Longlong – a robotic replica of Lolong, once the world’s largest crocodile in captivity. Made of fiber glass and steel, Longlong can crawl, open its mouth, move its head, and deliver privilege speeches.

Brownouts
Several areas in Metro Manila and adjacent provinces are experiencing rotating brownouts. Or as the Aquinos would call it, “legacy.”

Be Proud
The 8th National Nutrition Survey of the Food and Nutrition Research Institute showed 3 out of 10 Filipinos were overweight and obese. To those three, don’t be sad and don’t feel bad. Double chin up!

Three years after signing a five-year [rumored] billion-peso contract with TV5, actress Sharon Cuneta has severed ties with the Kapatid Network. Sources say it wasn’t an easy decision. The Megastar will leave the network with a heavy heart, hips, arms, and thighs.

1JBVideo Scandal
TV host Paolo Bediones has filed a formal complaint against people who released and uploaded copies of his sex video. The PNP says the uploaded sex video is a vital piece of hard evidence that will definitely stand up in court.

Part 2 of newsman Paolo Bediones’s sex video is reportedly being shared online. Bediones has since apologized to his home network, and to Hayden Kho for ‘copyright infringement.’

Cheaters
A new study has revealed men over 5’10” are twice as likely to cheat on their partners. And Kris Aquino was like, “True!”
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“I once saw a politician walking a dog, and I thought, “How absurd—an animal walking an animal.” Then I thought, “If given the choice, I’d rather vote for the dog.”
~Jarod Kintz

Sound Bites
“That’s out of the question. He’s not running for vice president. He prefers to tend to his business than run for vice president.”
~Sen. Cynthia Villar on former senator Manny Villar

Have a great weekend! Stay safe.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

ICE BUCKETS, CAKES, AND SEX VIDEOS

1JB
A CERTAIN Attorney Renato Bondal told the Senate blue ribbon committee that Makati City built an “overpriced car park building.” Mayor Junjun Binay vehemently denied that it was… a car park building.

On the issue of the alleged overpriced Makati City Hall 2 building, Mayor Junjun Binay appeared before the Senate blue ribbon committee Wednesday. To be fair to Junjun, he kept his composure. And though it wasn’t that obvious, yes, he was grilled.

1Cakes
During the hearing, Attorney Bondal also accused Mayor Junjun of overspending on cakes for Makati City’s senior citizens. Bondal brought with him three commercial cake samples for comparison. But senators reminded the lawyer that the inquiry was called to shed light on the overpriced building only. Bondal was not allowed to have his cake and eat it too.

It was also revealed during the hearing that Mayor Junjun Binay’s house has an elevator… totally disproving rumors that Junjun moves from one floor to another using a high-tech umbrella.

Reacting to the grilling of her brother Junjun Binay by her fellow senators, Sen. Nancy Binay said she felt some lawmakers wanted to put an M for ‘magnanakaw’ on her forehead. In response, the senators said Nancy was completely wrong. They actually wanted to put an “OA” on her forehead.

For Binay
Former senator Butz Aquino, Sen. Bam Aquino’s father Paul Aquino and Tita Cory’s brother Peping Cojuangco are reportedly supporting the 2016 presidential bid of Vice President Jejomar Binay. Sought for reaction, DILG Sec. Mar Roxas said, “Tell me something I don’t know.”

1LA
#IceBucketChallenge
It’s the latest craze in social media. The #IceBucketChallenge aims to raise awareness and funds to fight amyotrophic lateral sclerosis or ALS otherwise known as Lou Gehrig’s disease. In one version of the challenge, the nominated person must donate $10 if he poured the bucket of ice water on his head. If not, he has to donate $100. Janet Lim-Napoles has expressed interest in accepting the challenge but she wanted a 40 percent cut.

Rumors say President Aquino has been dared by his Cabinet to do the #IceBucketChallenge. And then the Cabinet members realized, “Of course, he’ll pull it off! Could anything be colder than his love life?”

After accepting the #IceBucketChallenge, the Liberal Party nominated Mar Roxas – mainly because the party is left with no other choice.

In the Philippines, a couple of celebrities have accepted the #IceBucketChallenge: award-winning artist Lea Salonga and college hoopster Kiefer Ravena. In Kiefer’s video, he was shown shaking after getting drenched. La Sallians were not convinced though. They believe he’s just flopping.

A similar campaign is being considered in the Philippines. To raise awareness on graft and corruption, a bucket of boiling water will be poured over the heads of corrupt government officials. Exciting!

Brave
A woman with a fully-loaded caliber 45 was arrested by members of the Presidential Security Group after attempting to get through Malacañang Gate 3 Friday afternoon. Reports said the woman was looking for President Aquino. The President was flattered. That was the closest he could get to having a stalker.

1Human Error
DOTC officials concluded that the recent MRT train accident was caused by “human error.” Otherwise known as scapegoat.

According to DOTC officials, the recent MRT train accident was caused by “human error” – the same reason why those DOTC officials got their job in the first place.

DOTC officials will file administrative charges against two train drivers and two personnel from the control center for “gross neglect and inefficiency in the performance of official functions.” And the train drivers and control personnel were like, “Look who’s talking!?!”

1JBRated X
Part 2 of newsman Paolo Bediones’s sex video is reportedly being shared online. Bediones has since apologized to his home network, and to Hayden Kho for ‘copyright infringement.’
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“Money amassed either serves us or rules us.”
~Horace

Sound Bites
“Kawawa ang kapatid ko. The senators have the upper hand. Trial court ba ito? Ang feeling ko kulang na lang, ‘yong mga kasamahan ko ukitan ako dito sa noo ko ng M, magnanakaw.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay

“There’s no truth to it. It doesn’t affect me.”
~Sen. Grace Poe on rumors that Ferdinand Marcos and Rosemarie Sonora (Susan Roces’s sister) are her real parents

Have a safe long weekend!

[Photos: Adam Levine, Philippine Daily Inquirer, ABS-CBN News, DZMM, PEP]

EMOTIONAL

IT’S BEEN raining all week. Some people say it’s heaven ‘crying.’ Maybe God is delivering his State of Heaven Address.

1NOY
In his fifth State of the Nation Address, President Aquino became emotional. He said he’s done his part, and the people must continue what he has started. To be fair, Aquino’s integrity is beyond reproach. He’s a tough act to follow. His successor will have some big eyes to fill.

The President’s fifth SONA was long – one hour and 42 minutes to be exact according to reports. And he was emotional. But while the President was fighting tears, attendees were fighting sleep.

1AD
The Philippine Star published photos of unidentified guests who were obviously taking a nap while President Aquino was delivering his SONA last Monday. Rumors say those guests took it literally when the President said, “Hindi po masamang mangarap.”

President Aquino’s State of the Nation Address lasted 1 hour and 42 minutes. To the surprise of many Filipinos, there was no Arroyo-bashing, no tirades against the Supreme Court, and no FOI Bill.

Last Monday, all eyes were on President Aquino. Everyone was listening to him. He was the center of attention. That’s the reason why Kris Aquino cried. She realized that the world didn’t always revolve around her.

Gotcha
A 16 foot long crocodile was caught in Palawan last Monday, July 28. Locals were wondering what the crocodile was doing in Palawan when the second regular session of Congress just opened that day.

Graft
Former Pampanga governor and incumbent senator Lito Lapid has been charged with graft in connection with the purchase of overpriced liquid fertilizer. The actor has denied the allegation, saying he knows NOTHING about the scam. Among many other things.

1KRIS
Remembering Cory
On August 1, the Aquino family went to Manila Memorial Park and offered a mass for former President Cory Aquino. In case you forgot, it’s the fifth death anniversary of Tita Cory which coincides with the fifth death anniversary of Mar Roxas’s presidential dreams.

In A Relationship
Sixty-five-year-old Dionisia Pacquiao has a love life. Apparently, that’s the reason why President Aquino cried during his State of the Nation Address.

Manny Pacquiao has revealed that Mommy Dionisia, 65 is in a relationship. Thank you Mommy Dionisia for giving hope to loveless Filipinos.

Approve!
According to Pulse Asia’s June 2014 Ulat ng Bayan survey, President Aquino’s approval rating dropped by 14 percentage points, from 70 percent to 56 percent. The survey’s margin of error was plus or minus Butch Abad.

POPE
Effective Leader
A stunning 88 percent of American Catholics think Pope Francis is doing a good job. Experts say, the Pope has a very high approval rating because he “leads with humility” – prompting the Supreme Court to tell President Aquino, “Now you know!”

The latest Pulse Asia survey is out. The highest approval rating was obtained by Vice President Binay. The lowest approval rating was obtained by Nancy Binay’s balloon gown.

Hunger
The latest SWS survey found that from 17.8 percent, the hunger rate is now 16.3 percent. That’s a difference of 1.5 percent. Those people are called “in denial.”

Math Whiz
A video of two street children with extraordinary math skills has gone viral. In exchange for alms, the two kids would answer math questions from strangers. When asked about the square root of 4,624, they answered, “68.” When asked about the square root of 888, they said, “It’s not a perfect square.” When asked, 172 million + 224 million + 183 million, they answered, “pork kickbacks.” Amazing!

Video Scandal
TV host Paolo Bediones has filed a formal complaint against people who released and uploaded copies of his sex video. The PNP says the uploaded sex video is a vital piece of hard evidence that will definitely stand up in court.
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“One thing you can’t hide – is when you’re crippled inside.”
~John Lennon

Sound Bites
“I have a lot of social networking followers and everyone who says good things about him, they get a bonus because I reply to them. Siyempre iyong mga nega bina-block ko na lang. Pero konting-konti lang sila.”
~Kris Aquino on President Aquino’s supporters

Spam
Somebody sent me a message. I replied.

1NapTxt

Poll Results
Matapos marinig ang ikalimang SONA ni Pangulong Aquino…

-Susuportahan ko pa rin. 57.74%
-I was never a believer to begin with. 35.09%
-Nawalan na ako ng tiwala. 7%

Have a great weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: GMA News, Getty Images, ABS-CBN News]