5 06 2012

BREAKING: The Transit of Venus happened earlier today. The phenomenon happens when the planet passes directly between the sun and the Earth. This will be the last Transit of Venus of the century. The previous century’s Transit of Venus happened in 1882 and it was witnessed by the very young Juan Ponce Enrile and the even younger Serafin Cuevas.

IT’S A VERY BUSY week for President Aquino. I’m not forcing you to believe me but it looks like it.

President Aquino will visit London, Washington DC, and Los Angeles. The working visits are expected to boost the country’s security, the Philippine economy, and his State of the Nation Address.

The President is in London right now. He met with British Prime Minister David Cameron who brought with him the person closest to his heart, his wife Samantha Sheffield. Not to be outdone, President Aquino brought with him DOTC Secretary Mar Roxas.

The President is also expected to see American Idol Season 11 runner-up Jessica Sanchez in Los Angeles. It’s the highly anticipated meet-up between today’s most popular & respected Filipino, and President Aquino.

Noy & Rene
Interviewed live on TV Patrol, President Aquino described Renato Corona as “(ang) mukha ng mali sa hudikatura.” But the interview got a little awkward when he described Niel Tupas as “(ang) mukha ng tama sa lehislatura.”

House Speaker Feliciano Belmonte says he’d rather reveal his girlfriend than make public the details of his SALN… to the utter disappointment of President Aquino who couldn’t accept the fact Belmonte’s got a girlfriend.

Noy’s Lovelife
President Aquino was reportedly spotted on a dinner with a new girl at Bonifacio High Street in Taguig City recently. Sketchy reports say the new date is either a college student or a banker who is pretty and fair-skinned with suspected Electra complex.

School Opening
Classes in public schools have resumed. And you know classes are officially back when the rain begins to fall; you see groups of kids in uniform, and the DPWH starts making road repairs.

Top 5 Things You Wouldn’t Want to Hear From Your Children’s Teacher on the First Day of Classes

No. 5: “Mga bata, maglabas kayo ng 50 pesos. Kailangan nating bumili ng bagong flower vase, pasô, floorwax at doormat. Wala na ring chalk.”

No. 4: “Sinong nanood ng ‘The Buzz’ kahapon? Si John Lloyd ba talaga ang dahilan kung bakit naghiwalay sina Angelica at Derek?”

No. 3: “Pasensya! Ngayon lang nag-advise si Mayor eh. Parating daw ang malakas na bagyo. In five seconds, nand’yan na. Hala, umuwi na kayo!”

No. 2: “Girls, boys… dating gawi. Section A sa ilalim ng puno ng mangga; Section B sa ilalim ng puno ng narra!”

And the no. 1 thing you wouldn’t want to hear from your children’s teacher on the first day of classes…

“Mula ngayon, hindi na ako magbebenta ng tocino. Promise. Now, sinong ‘di pa nakakapanood ng The Avengers? Meron ako dito. Blu-Ray copy na. Tatlo-isandaan lang.”

Lawmaker Sha
Sharon Cuneta tweeted that Senators Miriam Defensor-Santiago and Jinggoy Estrada “want” her to run for senator. In the interest of fairness, we’ll try to get the side of the two lawmakers.

In London… Queen Elizabeth celebrated her 60th year on the throne. In 2046, the Binays will celebrate theirs in Makati City.

In Florida… A 34-year-old woman attacked her 27-year-old boyfriend for refusing to have sex with her. President Aquino described the victim as stupid.

In Egypt… former President Hosni Mubarak was sentenced to life in prison. Still pending before the courts is a tax evasion case against his eldest son, Mikey Mubarak.
“The educated differ from the uneducated as much as the living differ from the dead.”
~ Aristotle

Quotes Quiz. Who said:
“On the Senate impeachment vote, in the end, history will judge us.”
A: Sen. Franklin Drilon
B: Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago
C: Sen. Juan Ponce Enrile
D: Sen. Bongbong Marcos

Enjoy the rest of the week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Quotes Quiz Answer: B



15 06 2009

Top 5 Things You Wouldn’t Want to Hear From Your Children’s Teacher/Instructor/Professor on the First Day of Classes

No. 5: “Mga bata, maglabas kayo ng 50 pesos. Kailangan nating bumili ng halaman, bagong flower vase, pasô, at doormat.”

No. 4: “Mula ngayon, hindi na ako magbebenta ng tocino. Promise. Now, sinong ‘di pa nakakapanood ng video ni Hayden? Meron ako dito. 6-in1. Blu-ray copy na. Trenta pesos lang.”

No. 3: “Girls, boys… saan n’yo mas gustong magklase? Sa ilalim ng puno ng mangga o sa ilalim ng puno ng narra?”

No. 2: “Gloria! ChaCha! Ibasura! May memo si Mayor. Kayong lahat ay required sumama sa rally next week. Ang hindi sasama, magbabayad ng kalahati ng tuition.”

And the no. 1 thing you wouldn’t want to hear from your children’s teacher/instructor/professor on the first day of classes…

“Aaaaaaa-choo! Aaaaa-choo! Class… I think I’m infected.”

Agrarian Reform Sec. Nasser Pangandaman denied a Philippine Daily Inquirer report last Saturday that he confirmed President Arroyo’s plans of seeking a Congressional seat in Pampanga next year. Pangandaman now refuses to talk to the Inquirer but has invited the paper’s reporter to a round of golf at Valley Golf and Country Club in Antipolo City.

Congratulations to my Los Angeles Lakers: 2008-2009 NBA Champions.

10th championship for Coach Phil; 4th ring for Kobe; 15th title for LA as a franchise, and LeBron James is somewhere out there licking his wounds. What could be more satisfying than that?

Kobe’s got his own trophy too: Finals MVP. Woohoo!
The Los Angeles Lakers won by huge margin against the Orlando Magic. When President Arroyo heard this, she asked, “Did the Lakers lead by more than one million?”

The Lakers finished off the Magic, 99-83 to win the NBA championship. That was a 16 point lead! But you know what? If Sen. Manny Villar were part of the team, that lead would surely double.

Orlando Magic head coach Stan Van Gundy was losing his patience and has become frustrated with his team when someone tapped him from behind. And you won’t believe it! It was Mar Roxas! He said, “Coach, tumabi ka. Ako na. Sama-sama tayo. Hindi ko kayo pababayaan. Lalaban tayo.” They lost.

Agrarian Reform Secretary Nasser Pangandaman also watched the game between the Lakers and the Magic. Asked to react on LA’s impressive victory, he said, “No comment. Baka ma-misquote lang ako ng Inquirer.”

And did you know that even our senators followed the NBA Finals? Juan Ponce Enrile finds Kobe Bryant brilliant. Aquilino Pimentel finds Derek Fisher tenacious. Rodolfo Biazon finds Paul Gasol persistent. And Loren Legarda finds Coach Phil Jackson cute.

And finally, some LA fanatics in local politics have celebrated the team’s victory: Lito and Ali Atienza held a parade in their backyard; Panfilo Lacson fired his gun, and Abner Afuang poured a bottle of water on his wife’s head!
“Champions know that success is inevitable; that there is no such thing as failure, only feedback. They know that the best way to forecast the future is to create it.”
~Michael J. Gelb

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