OIL, FIRE AND GOD

IT’S LENT. It’s that season of penitence and suffering again. Thank you oil companies for reminding us.


President Aquino on Sunday admitted that the government cannot do anything with the soaring oil prices saying it’s beyond his control. Right now, the only thing that he can control is Congress.

A study conducted by the National Statistical Coordination Board showed that men were generally “happier” than women. The same study found that oil companies were the happiest.

March 19: Day 31
For the first time since the Corona impeachment trial started, lead Defense counsel Serafin Cuevas called in sick. Or as the prosecution panel would say, “total relief.”

The Rich
A GMANewsTV special report found that 98 percent of incumbent congressmen were millionaires. The remaining 2 percent are slowly catching up.

In his 2009 SALN, Quezon 3rd District Representative Danilo Suarez declared at least 11 cars. He’s got more cars than laws passed.

PMA Class 2012
On Sunday, President Aquino called on the graduates of the Philippine Military Academy to join the fight against corruption. Heeding the president’s call, this morning, the new graduates surrounded the Batasang Pambansa complex.

Wanted: Presidential Car
President Aquino revealed Malacañang is scouting for one or two new vehicles to replace the old presidential car. In fact, at this very moment, palace representatives are checking out the cars on display at Congressman Danilo Suarez’s show room.

Smokers
The National Youth Commission reported that 2 out of 5 teenagers tried smoking in 2011. Another study showed 2 out of 5 teenagers identified the President as their role model.

Pacman & God
According to 8-division world champion Manny Pacquiao, he had been told by God in a dream to retire soon. In the interest of fairness, we will try to get the side of God.

This just in: God confirms conversation with Pacquiao; denies rift with Pastor Apollo Quiboloy

Sunooog!
In the Philippines, March is Fire Prevention Month – that time of the year when most fires are not prevented.

Did you hear about the fire that gutted Ever Gotesco Grand Central Mall in Kalookan City? That was one for the books. It lasted longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage.

Reports are now saying that the city fire marshal was drunk at the height of the Gotesco Grand Central Mall fire. Fire him!

Overseas…
Floyd Mayweather Jr. is reportedly standing by his racist comments about Asian-American NBA star Jeremy Lin. In totally unrelated news, Mayweather has been offered a hosting job on GMA 7’s ‘Unang Hirit.’

Longevity
According to the World Factbook, Monaco tops the list of places where people live the longest followed by Macau. In third place? The Corona impeachment court.

The President’s Love Life
Quoting lead Defense counsel Serafin Cuevas, President Aquino brushed off a reporter’s question about his lovelife saying it was “immaterial, irrelevant and impertinent.” Initially, the President wanted to quote lead prosecutor Niel Tupas but realized he’d sound stupid if he’d answer, “I submit.”
———————————————————-
“When you let money speak for you, it drowns out anything else you meant to say.”
~Mignon McLaughlin

Quotes of the Day
“Hindi kailangang pansinin. Papaano mo ipapakita sa ayaw tumingin? Paano mo iparirinig sa ayaw makinig? Kung masaya silang ginagawa nila ‘yon, nasa kanila ‘yon. ‘Pag sinasabing wala akong ginagawa, at pangit ang nangyayari, eh ‘di anong conclusion doon? Tinitingnan ba nila, nakikinig ba sila? Eh ‘di kung ganoon, ayaw nila, anong magagawa ko? Basta gagawin ko ang palagay ko ay tama at palagay ko may resulta na nangyayari.”
~President Aquino on the militants’ new form of protest called ‘Noynoying’

“I will not stay long in boxing because He said: ‘You have done enough. You have made yourself famous but this is harmful.”
~Cong. Manny Pacquiao

You Have Spoken
Ano ang masasabi n’yo sa mga naging pahayag ni Arnold Clavio hinggil sa ilang members ng Philippine Azkals?
Totoo naman ang sinabi n’ya eh. 45.56%
Racist! Sexist! Discriminatory! 21.89%
Opinyon niya ‘yon. Igalang natin ang pananaw n’ya. 32.54%

Personal
Happy birthday to one of the regular readers of this blog, Singapore-based Mr. Jimmy Lorenzo. Good health on your birthday sir!

Share this on Facebook and Twitter: Add to FaceBookAdd to Twitter
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Advertisements

AYON SA MGA BITUIN (The Return)

MAGANDANG ARAW! Matagal-tagal na rin nating hindi naririnig ang mga saloobin, babala, pangitain, at hula ng mga bituin. Ngunit sa araw na ito, mapalad tayo dahil sila ay nagbabalik mula sa matagal na pagkakahimbing! Salamat sa maaliwalas na panahon. Kaya tara na, halina’t basahin ang nakaumang na kapalaran ng ilang kilalang tao sa ating lipunan.

Paunawa: Ang mga ito ay batay lamang sa galaw ng mga tala. Kung ayaw maniwala, kontrahin. Sapagkat katulad ng walang sawa at paulit-ulit na paalala ni Aling Zenaida Seva, “Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang ating kapalaran, gabay lamang sila. Meron tayong free will, gamitin natin ito.” Ulitin mo. This time, basahin mo nang malakas: “Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang ating kapalaran, gabay lamang sila. Meron tayong free will, gamitin natin ito.” Wow. Inulit nga.

Let’s begin.
Pangulong Aquino
Birth: February 8, 1960
Sign: Aquarius
Dahil sa mga jokes mo, madadagdagan pa ang mga babaeng malili-link sa ‘yo. Pero hanggang do’n na lang ‘yon. Mananatiling punchline ang iyong lovelife.

Vice President Jejomar Binay
Birth: November 11, 1942
Sign: Scorpio
Payuhan ang mga kaalyado mong ‘text brigade’ na limitahan ang pag-ti-text ng iyong accomplishments. Matagal pa ang eleksyon. Huwag atat.

Cong. Manny Pacquiao
Birth: December 17, 1978
Sign: Sagittarius
Katulad ng iyong pinapangarap, mananalo kang bise presidente sa 2016. Hindi mo na kailangang mangampanya. Halos tiyak na ang panalo mo bilang VP ng Homeowners Association. Congratulations!

Sen. Panfilo Lacson
Birth: June 1, 1948
Sign: Gemini
Napapansin ng mga bituin na lumi-level up ang iyong katarayan kapag napag-uusapan ang babaeng ‘Rosebud’ ang pangalan. Kontrolin ang emosyon kung ayaw mong patuloy kang pagdudahan.

Cong. Mohammed Hussein Pangandaman
Birth: No available info online
Sign: Malay ko!
Huwag mag-alala sakaling ma-suspend, ma-expel, o matapos man ang iyong termino bilang kongresista. May bright future ka sa boxing.
Iwasang magtungo sa Agusan Del Sur. Alam mo na! Mainit ang dugo nila sa mga bu…
Lucky Number: “Pucha! Ocho!”

Atty. Jose Miguel “Mike” Arroyo
Birth: June 27, 1946
Sign: Gemini
Dahil sa ‘di inaasahang salpukan ng mga bituin, may magaganap na aksidente. Mababagsakan ka ng second hand na chopper anytime next week. Isa lang ang posibleng makapigil sa malagim na pangyayaring ito! Umamin ka sa iyong mga pagkakasala sa masang Pilipino!

Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo
Birth: April 5, 1947
Sign: Aries
Katabi ka ni Atty. Mike Arroyo kapag bumagsak ang second hand na chopper. Try mo na lang umilag. Good luck!

Former ARMM Governor Zaldy Ampatuan
Birth: August 22, 1967
Sign: Leo
Hindi ito ang tamang panahon upang mag-apply sa Witness Protection Program ng pamahalaan. Mapapahiya ka lamang. But all is not lost. Subukan mong mag-apply sa susunod na lifetime. Baka may chance.

Pasig RTC Judge Rolando Mislang
Birth: Ewan.
Sign: Hindi siya sikat.
Magandang kapalaran ang naghihintay sa ‘yo. Tatanggap ka ng malaking halaga kapalit ng kontrobersyal na desisyon pabor sa isang negosyanteng sinasabing nanloko sa Pag-IBIG Fund. Uy, balato naman jan! O kaya, burger! Burger! Burger!

Petron, Shell, Chevron, atbp.
Birth: It doesn’t matter.
Sign: Really bad.
Magpapatuloy ang inyong suwerte. Tiba-tiba pa rin kayo. Magsimba at magpasalamat dahil kahit sino yatang maupo sa Department of Energy, forever n’yo nang kakampi! Syet.

De La Salle Green Archers
Birth: 1986
Sign: Not good.
Congratulations! Pasok na pasok kayo sa “Final 4” – literal na “Final 4” ng UAAP Season 74. Ka-level n’yo na ang NU, UP at UE. Kung hindi magbabago ang alignment ng mga planeta, posibleng mapalitan ang inyong coach. Ipinapayong magbakasyon muna kayo habang nagdiriwang ang buong Ateneo. Ouch.

KC Concepcion
Birth: April 7, 1985
Sign: Aries
May hangganan ang pang-unawa. Walang mawawala kung itatanong mo sa iyong sarili: “Bakit ko ba pinasok ‘to?” Kapag nasagot mo ang tanong na ‘yan, makikita mo ang liwanag.

Palihim na Hula ng mga Bituin
No. 1: Isang popular na pulitiko ang masasangkot sa panibagong iskandalo. ‘Magbubunga’ ang kanyang pakikipaglaro ng apoy sa isang estudyante. May nakikitang “dilaw” at “berde” ang mga bituin sa babaeng sangkot sa usapin. Hanggang d’yan na lang muna ang mga clues. Careful ang mga bituin. Ayaw nilang ma-libel.

No. 2: Isang kakapanganak pa lamang na kabit ang posibleng sugurin ng asawa ng isang kilalang pulitiko. Ikinuwento kasi ng kabit na ito sa isang member ng media na ipinagpatayo siya ng bahay ng kanyang politician-lover sa subdibisyon kung saan nakatira ang orihinal na pamilya ni lalaki. Ang lakas lang ng loob niyang magkuwento. Sabi nga ni Melanie Marquez, “The nerd!”
————————————————————————————————–
“The signs of the zodiac are karmic patterns; the planets are the looms; the will is the weaver.”
~Author Unknown

In Brazil…
A teenager reportedly died after masturbating 48 times non-stop. Well, he had it cumming.

Elsewhere
Move.PH: PNoy’s Top Love Life Quips

Miss Philippines Shamcey Supsup gets nod of top pageant website

You Have Spoken
Matapos marinig ang dalawang panig, sino ang iyong pinapaniwalaan?
-Security guard Ricardo Bonayog 89.92%
-Lanao Del Sur Rep. Hussein Pangandaman 1.16%
-Korte na lang sana ang mag-decide 8.91%

Have a safe and happy weekend!

Share this on Facebook and Twitter: Add to FaceBookAdd to Twitter
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

A YEAR AGO


Today is May 10, 2011. Exactly a year ago, the Philippines held its first ever automated elections. Everything has been on the upswing after that: the level of optimism, the flagdown rate for taxicabs, the fare for jeeps, the cost of fuel, the prices of basic commodities, and President Aquino’s net worth.


Anniversary
Today is the anniversary of the historic first-ever automated elections in the Philippines… or as Manny Villar, Mar Roxas, Loren Legarda, and Joseph Estrada would probably say, “babang-luksa.”

Today marks the first anniversary of the May 10, 2010 automated elections. It’s been a year… and Mar Roxas has yet to concede.

Remember the May 10, 2010 elections? It happened exactly a year ago. Remember the candidate you voted for president who promised he’d make your life easier? Me neither.

Mar’s Return
Reports say defeated vice presidential candidate Mar Roxas will be appointed to a Cabinet position similar to a presidential chief of staff… or as members of the Balay Group would say but couldn’t, “Executive Secretary-in-waiting.”

Presidential spokesman Edwin Lacierda admits he doesn’t know yet the exact job description of Mar Roxas. Among other things.

Apparently, Malacañang will be creating a new post to accommodate former Senator Mar Roxas… one year after he applied for the vacant post of vice president, and the electorate said, “We’ll just call you.”

Top 5 Rejected Job Descriptions of ex-Senator Mar Roxas

No. 5: Presidential Adviser on Heart-Related Matters

No. 4: Executive Secretary II: Weekends Only

No. 3: Chief Presidential BFF

No. 2: Vice President for Balay Concerns

And the No. 1 rejected job description of ex-Senator Mar Roxas…

First Lady

LRT/MRT Fare
The government deferred the proposed increase in train fares. Transportation Secretary Jose de Jesus said the timing was not good for a fare hike. Prices of basic commodities are rising and the President’s approval rating is plummeting.

Salceda Mad
President Aquino’s ally and former Arroyo economic adviser, Albay Governor Joey Salceda is blaming PAGASA for faulty weather forecast. Apparently, Salceda’s complaint has yet to reach President Aquino. Otherwise, PAGASA Acting Administrator Nathaniel Servando would be looking for a job in Australia right now.

Abu Members Caught
Two members of the Abu Sayyaf terror group have been arrested in Metro Manila. And President Aquino was like, “When is the SWS’ next survey?

One of the arrested members of the Abu Sayyaf Group was actually working as a security guard for the posh, multimillion-peso Pacific Tower Plaza… located at Abbottabad, Taguig City.

Another wanted member of the Abu Sayyaf Group was caught while on a date at Robinson’s Place in Ermita, Manila. The suspect’s date was his girlfriend No. 8.

Public Service
Are you looking for a job? Search no further. Al-Qaeda has just announced a vacancy.
——————————————————–
“Leadership is action, not position.”
~Donald H. McGannon

You Have Spoken
Manny Pacquiao: “I will wear yellow gloves as a symbol of unity, unity against poverty.” Your take:
– Mabuhay ka! Kasama mo ako sa labang ‘yan. 19.67%
What the hell are you talking about? How? 67.54%
– No comment. 12.79%

Share this on Facebook and Twitter: Add to FaceBookAdd to Twitter
You may follow me on Twitter by clicking here.

Enjoy the rest of the week! Still, Lakers.

HOW TWEET IT IS

Modernong Talasalitaan
Makabagong kahulugan ng mga salita, parirala o pangungusap batay sa mga kaganapan sa ating kapaligiran. Ang kahulugan ay maaaring madagdagan, mabawasan, o maiba depende sa mga susunod na pangyayari.

1: Pantawid Pasada
– Temporaryong solusyon sa malalang problema
– Pumili ka: meron o wala?
Halimbawa:
Driver: Mahal na Pangulo, hirap na hirap na kaming mga drivers. Sa taas ng gas, wala na kaming kinikita.
Pangulo: ’Wag kayong mag-alala. Dahil kayo ang boss ko, heto ang Pantawid Pasada – isang card na may lamang P1,050 good for one month. That’s 1,050 pesos divided by 30 days= 35 pesos. Kalahating kilong asukal ‘din ‘yan! How sweet ‘di ba!

2: Rollback
– Lantarang panggogoyo
– Bulok, luma at kumitang istilo ng mga kompanya ng langis upang matiyak na kalmado ang gobyerno at ang publiko
Halimbawa:
Reporter: Sir, magkano ba ang iro-rollback n’yo sa presyo ng langis?
Oil firm spokesman: Depende ‘yan. Kung ang presyo ay tumaas ng 60 centavos per liter, ‘tapos biglang nag-ingay ang mga militante, 40 centavos kada litro ang rollback. Two weeks from now, magtataas ulit kami ng 50 centavos per liter. Kapag umalma ang Department of Energy, siyempre, kailangang mag-rollback ng 30 centavos. The amount to be rolled back is directly proportional to the scale of protests.

“I tweet therefore I am.”
The Professional Heckler intercepted the following posts on Twitter. Enjoy reading while he verifies the authenticity of each tweet.

Eraption
Maluwag ang pakiramdam kapag nagpapatawad. Kahit ganun ang ginawa ni @Chef_Ping sa akin, i have forgiven him!

CongGMA
@elena_horn pls draft a statement. ayaw talaga akong tantanan ng mga ‘yan. plunder naman ngayon. call @FrankDuque. ihanda n’ya ‘ka mo ang mga dokumento.

Chef_Ping
i just read the statement of the former president in today’s paper. forgiven? why? did i seek his forgiveness? tigilan ako.

FrankDuque
@CongGMA ako ang bahala ma’am. relax lang kayo. malalampasan natin ito. okiduque?

MerciFull
@CongGMA hi ma’am. the plunder case they filed against you is laughable, baseless, ridiculous, absurd, desperate, and preposterous. be strong ma’am. regards to @attymike.

Eraption
@Chef_Ping matigas ka pa rin. kaya ka kinakarma eh. di ka marunong tumanaw ng utang na loob.

CongGMA
@MerciFull uy! nagbago ka na ng Twitter account? wala na ‘yong @MerciGutsy? samahan mo ulit ako sa gym later. see yah!

Chef_Ping
i rather cook adobo than dignify the diatribe of a has-been politician. tama ba ako @angtunaynamichaelrayaquino? hahaha musta ka na friend? can’t wait for your extradition.

angtunaynamichaelrayaquino
@Chef_Ping ‘tang-ina. hahaha malas talaga. hindi pinansin ng korte ang appeal ko. kitakits bro!

Eraption
o, bakit nakakalaya pa ‘yang si gloria? bakit ako noon, dinakip kaagad matapos kasuhan ng plunder? hindi man lang ako nakaligo no’n. unfair naman yata ‘yan.

CongGMA
@Eraption bitter ka pa rin. mag-move on ka na. paulit-ulit lang ang sinasabi mo.

TheRealNoynoy
kakatapos lang ipaayos ang kotse. sumadsad eh. ang kulit kasi ni @SayChiz. ang bilis magpatakbo!

SayChiz
@TheRealNoynoy o, bakit ako na naman? nang bumaligtad ‘yan noong march, hindi naman ako ang kasama mo ah.

TheRealNoynoy
pssst! idelete mo ‘yang tweet na ‘yan! baka kumalat. RT @SayChiz o, bakit ako na naman? nang bumaligtad ‘yan noong march, hindi naman ako ang kasama mo ah.

TheRealNoynoy
@MrPalengke excited ka na? malapit nang matapos ang 1-year ban sa mga losers, este, non-winners. joke lang. ano bang gusto mong puwesto?

MrPalengke
@TheRealNoynoy teka lang. I have to consult @Rated_K. hon, ano bang gusto mo?

Rated_K
@MrPalengke any post will do hon. as long as we’re in power. btw, hon did you hear the chismis about @SayChiz? five months na raw hiwalay? karma.

SayChiz
@RatedK leave us alone! may alam din ako tungkol kay @MrPalengke! baka ma-shock ka kapag nalaman mo!

MrPalengke
@RatedK hon, stop it na! ‘wag na nating pakialaman ang buhay ni @SayChiz. enjoy your stay na lang in the vatican.

TheRealNoynoy
Congratulations @LDLima for getting the highest performance rating among cabinet members in the recent sws survey.

Chef_Ping
eh pa’no di magna-number 1 sa survey ‘yan, lahat na lang ng isyu, sinalihan. buwakaw sa publicity.

LDLima
@Chef_Ping don’t make this personal. let’s stick to the issue. baka nakakalimutan mo, hindi pa tapos ang usapin! @karinadacer and family deserve justice.

Gatdula_NBIChief
@LDLima sorry ma’am but i gotta say this. that’s not how you treat our future DILG secretary. the good senator deserves an apology.

Simply_Jesse_DILG
@Gatdula_NBIChief may alam ka bang hindi ko alam? am i on my way out? @TheRealNoynoy pakisagot please.

TheRealNoynoy
punye*a! humina ang signal ng broadband ko. brb. tweet you all later.

Official_Balay
SWS Performance Rating: Atty. Edwin Lacierda:43% and Sec. Ricky Carandang:36% vs. Sec. Herminio Coloma:31 percent. Therefore, Balay, 2: Samar, 0. ‘Nuff said.

Official_Samar
@Official_Balay 2-0?!? Patawa! Ipinagmamalaki n’yo ang 43 at 36 percent? How about this: Vice President Jejomar Binay (Samar Group): 83 percent! Pagsamahin n’yo man ang ratings n’yo, taob pa rin kayo! Hahahahaha!

Jojo_OchoOcho
thank you guys for the trust. nasa top 5 ako sa sws survey. sabi sa news, “biggest gainer.” yey!

RatedK
akalain mo ‘yon? wala na ngang ginagawa nasa top 5 pa?! ang lakas ng tsamba! i’m sure, magpapainom ‘yan!

MrPalengke
@RatedK hon, ‘di ba sabi ko, tama na? pati ba naman ‘yong lasenggong ‘yon pinapatulan mo pa? focus ka na lang sa coverage mo ng beatification ni pope john paul II. malay mo, mabawasan pa ang kasalanan mo. jooooke! miss you hon. mwah!

Free_Willie
malapit na akong bumalik. mas masayang show, mas maraming games, mas malaking papremyo. hindi tayo kayang ibagsak ng @abscbn. abangan ang pagbabalik ni janjan sa sarili niyang segment: Machonuring Bata Portion!

ABSCBNews
Today’s top story: Groups file child abuse raps vs. Willie Revillame, Willing Willie

Free_Willie
@ABSCBNews eh di magreklamo kayo sa lolo n’yong panot. hahaha

TeyVeeeeeeeee_Patrollll
Tanong ng TVP: Dapat bang bumalik sa telebisyon si Willie? A. Huwag na! B. No way! Tweet your vote now or txt TVP (space) A or B and send to 2666 for all networks except TV5.

CBCFee
if there are pro-RH bill inside the church, go out! it’s useless! terrorists! condoms kill the innocents. no to rh bill! no to condoms!

GymParedes
@CBCFee millions of my sperm cells die thrice a week (ok ok, twice a week lang). so i’m a terrorist now?

CBCFee
@GymParedes become a bishop first, then let’s talk.

INC_10%
RH Bill FTW! Wohoo!

CBCFee
@INC_10% whateverrrrrrrr!

CongressmanPacquiao
and huuuuuu em i to jads u on what u say or do? I’m onli jazz beginning… 2 c the reeel u. in sometime wen wii tats. tisting lang! hihihi hindi ako maka-concentrit sa rekurding eh. laging nakabuntut si dianne. feeling ko nga siya ang nanay ku! juk lang. hihihi

GMANews
Abangan sa 24 Oras: Ang schedule ng pag-utot at pagdumi ni Prince William, dalawang araw bago siya ikasal! Exclusive!

A_N_C
First look! Kate Middleton releases photos of her first ever sanitary napkin! Exclusive!

TV5_AksyonTV
Abangan! Ang isusuot na boxer briefs ni Prince William sa kanilang honeymoon! Exclusive!

Pearly_Shell
@Chevron magkano bang itataas natin next week? 40 o 50 centavos? decide na kasi tayo. can we discuss this over dinner with @Petron?

Petron
@Pearly_Shell @Chevron itodo na natin! madali namang magrollback if ever. game?

Chevron
@Petron @Pearly_Shell why not? merry christmas guys! tiba-tiba na naman! see you later!

Piston
@Petron @Pearly_Shell @Chevron tang-i*a n’yo! mga buwaya kayo!

HighEnergyDepartment
@Piston mag-apologize ka! ‘wag mong binabastos sina @Petron @Pearly_Shell & @Chevron! malaki ang tulong nila sa ekonomiya!

iAm_MarleneAguilar
@JudgeVargas how could u cite me 4 contempt when i just told the truth? wala kang bayag! ‘yang sex organ mo wala ring helmet! come on! fight me! you made life for Jsin miserable. i won’t stop until i see u rot in Hades. come on! fight me!

Aiko_M
i swear i didn’t start the rumor na bakla si bulacan, bulacan mayor patrick meneses! stop dragging me into this ka-cheapan. break na kami but no, i won’t speak ill of her, i mean him.

PatMeneses_Bulacan
@Aiko_M sa korte ka na magpaliwanag bruha ka! kung anu-ano ang ikinakalat mong tsismis about me! i will sue you! bitch!

CongressmanPacquiao
i wanna hold u tell i die. tell we boat brick down en cry. i wanna hold u tell the fair in me subsiiiiiiide… salamat sa supurta! || pwidi ba, tigilan mu muna ang pagsunud sa akin @diannecastilliju? maliligu na aku! gave me a break!
—————————————————
“We have, I fear, confused power with greatness.”
~Stewart Udall


In Memoriam: Friendster
“On May 31, Friendster will move to wipe out all photos, blogs, comments and groups uploaded or created by its users.”

Share this on Facebook and Twitter: Add to FaceBookAdd to Twitter
You may also follow me on Twitter.

Enjoy the rest of the week. Ingat!

UP

Thia Megia!
Filipino-American Thia Megia made it to the Top 13 of American Idol Season 10. This morning, President Aquino ordered his allies in the Liberal Party to vote for her.

An American friend of mine says it seems a bit unfair that Filipinos are allowed to compete in “American Idol” – to which I replied, “Have you seen the players in the Philippine Basketball Association?”

Ash Wednesday
Lent – a season of sacrifice, officially began March 9 according to the Christian calendar. But according to the oil firms’ calendar, it began last week.

For the third time in eight days, the cost of fuel went up… or as oil companies would tell one another, “Merry Christmas!”

The Daily Bread
Aside from rising fare rates and fuel costs, the price of bread has also gone up. To give you an idea of how this has affected the lives of Filipinos, this Sunday, the Catholic Church is giving away bread coupons before the communion.

Gravity!
Reports say a woman fell from the 18th floor of a condominium in Makati City and landed in the swimming pool at the 7th floor of the building. At last, a news report that doesn’t use the word “hike,” “up,” “rise,” or “increase.”

A 20-year-old woman fell from the 18th floor of a condo building in Makati City, and landed in the swimming pool at the 7th floor. She survived the fall, and was eventually crowned first runner-up.


Noy in Jakarta
Presidential spokesman Edwin Lacierda says defeated vice presidential candidate Mar Roxas is part of President Aquino’s delegation to Indonesia and Singapore as a “private adviser” – or as critics would say, “private president.”

According to presidential spokesman Edwin Lacierda, former senator Mar Roxas paid for his airfare to Indonesia… something that wasn’t that remarkable, since he availed himself of Cebu Pacific’s Piso Fare Promo.


Last March 7, President Aquino flew low cost taking a Cebu Pacific flight to Jakarta. It was like hitting two birds with one stone. He saved on government funds, and he enjoyed watching the dancing stewardesses.

President Aquino and his 53-man delegation took a Cebu Pacific flight to Jakarta last March 7. The president of Indonesia was “forewarned” so he delayed the welcome dinner for at least two hours.

In a speech before the Filipino community in Indonesia, President Aquino took a swipe at the Philippine media for reporting more negative news instead of positive ones. He specifically said, “I’ve announced many good developments, but my love life gets more attention.” So fault ng media? Fault ng media na bokya ka?

Viel’s Wish
President Aquino’s sister, Viel Aquino-Dee says she is wishing that her brother Noynoy would get married before his term ends in 2016. Viel is reportedly doing everything to make that wish come true. In fact, she has been relentlessly looking for a priest who’s willing to marry a man and a car.

Osama’s Birthday
Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden is celebrating his 54th birthday today, March 10. It has been a busy and productive day for him so far. This morning, he renewed his driver’s license.

Islamic extremist Osama bin Laden is reportedly depressed. His birthday has been overshadowed by the apparent suicide of a former Al-Qaeda general who was accused of corruption.

Osama bin Laden is now 54 years old… or as Senator Enrile would call it, teenager.

Osama Bin Laden turns 54 today. He can’t wait to go home and enjoy the food prepared by his 54th wife.

Every year, Bin Laden’s youngest kids would participate in parlor games to entertain him on his birthday. But the tradition was stopped last year when the kids, oblivious of their father’s politics, played ‘Trip to Jerusalem.’

Sources say Osama bin Laden has been getting sickly of late. As a matter of fact, the 54-year-old Islamic extremist has an upset stomach at this very moment. Good thing there’s Al Qaeda-Seltzer.


Today is March 10
On this day in…

1876: Alexander Graham Bell makes the first successful telephone call to his assistant, Mr. Watson who was in a nearby room. The first words spoken into the invention were, “Hello Watsshon, will I still lead by 1 million?”

1910: China ends slavery… replacing it with child labor.

1911: Three La Salle Brothers – Augusto Coerrege, Blimond Pierre, and Louis Aloysius Gonzaga – arrived in Manila from Europe. They played three-on-three with Ateneo’s Jesuit priests.

1945: American troops land on Mindanao. Condom sales tripled.

1977: Astronomers discover rings around Uranus. Doctors would later call it ‘hemorrhoids.’

UST’s Cross
Sending a message “against the passage of the Reproductive Health Bill,” some 24,000 students, teachers, and school personnel converged at the University of Sto. Tomas to form what could perhaps be the world’s largest human cross. | ‘k.


Flash Back!
World bantamweight champion Nonito Donaire Jr. is back from the United States. In high spirits and all smiles, he was met by Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim at the airport. But Donaire’s mood suddenly changed when Mayor Lim handed him a token of appreciation from the City of Manila – a camisa de Chino.

La Salle: 100
The La Salle Community is celebrating 100 years of La Sallian presence in the Philippines today, March 10. La Salle students originally planned to form another human cross to beat the record set by UST yesterday. Unfortunately, they couldn’t agree on what shape to form.
——————————
“The only thing that we can be sure rises faster than the price of gasoline is the skyrocketing profits of oil companies.”
~R. Owens

Survey Says
Kung ikaw si Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez, ano ang magiging sunod mong hakbang?
– Impeachment. Haharapin ko ‘yan! 32.33%
Makapag-resign na nga! D’yan na kayo! 45.75%
– Mag-iisip pa ko. Wait lang. ‘Wag demanding! 21.92%

Personal
Happy birthday to my frenemy TJ Manotoc, Miami Heat’s publicist, chief apologist, and No. 1 fan in the Philippines, and to Ms. Pia Hontiveros of ANC’s Strictly Politics!

Have a safe weekend ahead!

Share this on Facebook and Twitter: Add to FaceBookAdd to Twitter
Do not follow me on Twitter. Do not click here. You’ve been warned! Bahala ka!