NO, THANKS!


VICE PRESIDENT-ELECT Jejomar Binay
visited President–elect Noynoy Aquino on Times Street on Wednesday and talked for about two hours. Inquirer sources say the two “reminisced on their long history together,” and “discussed their common passion – gun collection.” The meeting was warm and cordial… except for that brief tense moment when Binay pointed his gun on Aquino, and said, “Ibibigay mo ba sa akin ang DILG post o hindi?” And then followed it up with the line, “Joke lang.”

Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay has reportedly declined to accept any Cabinet position in the Aquino administration. The decision was made after a two-hour meeting on Times Street described by the Binay camp as “social and cordial” – or as the Roxas camp would describe it, “mission failed.”

Top 10 Things Overheard During President-elect Noynoy Aquino’s Meeting with Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay

No. 10: “Nanay Bebang… paki-on nga ho ng ilaw sa sala. Bigla yatang dumilim eh.”

No. 9: “Ipinapatanong nga pala ng Tita Ellen Binay mo. Totoo raw bang may kinalolokohan na namang chiching si James kaya nag-aalboroto uli si Kris?”

No. 8: “Pwede ho bang sandali lang ang meeting natin? Magdo-Dota pa kasi ako after nito.”

No. 7: “Ssssh. Atin-atin lang ‘to. May bagong bukas na, hmmm… alam mo na, sa Burgos Street sa amin ‘don sa Makati. Sariwa ang mga babes tsong! Rawwwr! Text mo lang ako ‘pag gusto mong pumasyal.”

No. 6: “Sorry ho. Late notice kasi ang pagbisita n’yo eh. Pasensya na kayo sa inihandang prutas ni Nanay Bebang. Tara, simulan na natin habang nagyeyelo pa… ang duhat.”

No. 5: “Try mo kasi ang Svenson. Effective ‘yon!”

No. 4: “Wala na akong magagawa Manong. Transition team ang nag-decide eh. DOTC ho ang sa inyo, take it or leave it.”

No. 3: “Pakisabi nga pala sa iyong Tiyo Peping, Tiya Tingting pati na rin kina Mikee, China at Mai-mai, maraming, maraming salamat sa suporta nila noong panahon ng kampanya.”

No. 2: “So ayaw ho n’yo?!? Tinatanggihan n’yo ako?!? Pwes… bukas ho ang pinto, makakaalis na kayo.”

And the No. 1 thing overheard during President-elect Noynoy Aquino’s meeting with Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay…

“Hayyyy naku Mar! Alam kong nasa kusina ka lang at nakikinig sa pag-uusap namin ni Noynoy. Lumabas ka nga d’yan!”
———————————

“I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.”
~Sylvester Stallone


Feast of St. John
June 24 marks the Feast of St. John the Baptist. Reportedly spotted in San Juan were Senators Jamby Madrigal, Loren Legarda, and Pia Cayetano… who had to attend the annual celebration if only to experience getting wet again.

Survey Says
On the latest spat between Kris Aquino and James Yap, your take:
Sana maayos para happy na ulit ang lahat. 10%
Para wala nang gulo, maghiwalay na lang. 16%
Pakialam ko! Nakakasawa na ang kadramahan nila! 74%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Have a safe weekend ahead!

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CLASHES

IN TELEVISION AND RADIO interviews, former Tarlac Rep. Jose ‘Peping’ Cojuangco Jr. insisted, “I never, never campaigned for (my close friend) Jojo Binay. Ako ay Noy-Mar and I supported the tandem of… ” Cojuangco was compelled to cut short his statement when he felt that his chin was starting to grow.

President-elect Noynoy Aquino’s uncle, Peping Cojuangco denied that he supported the VP bid of Jejomar Binay, and insisted that he campaigned for Mar Roxas. In fact, Roxas won in every area where Peping made a pitch for him… except in the Cojuangco household.

Kris and James Spat
Reports say the most outspoken sister of President-elect Noynoy Aquino, TV host Kris Aquino, and husband James Yap are having marital problems yet again. The latest quarrel started when Kris and James, well… got married.

Even if he’s president now, Noynoy Aquino vows to give advice to Kris, and brother-in-law, James Yap whose marriage is on the rocks again. If he’s too busy with the affairs of the state, Noynoy will just let Kris and James seek advice… from his alter ego, Mar Roxas.

To spare President-elect Noynoy Aquino from intrigues, Kris Aquino will quit SNN and The Buzz this week. To further spare President-elect Noynoy Aquino from further intrigues, Kris Aquino will quit her marriage.

According to Kris Aquino’s best friend Boy Abunda, “May pinagdadaanang seryoso ang aking kaibigan.” To give you an idea how serious Kris’ problem is, when she texted her husband and threatened to call it quits, James Yap replied, “Thankz pohwzzz lolz!”

Kris Aquino has reportedly suspended her Twitter.Com and Facebook.Com accounts. But she opened a new account in PerfectMatch.Com

Yusoph Kidnapping
Now this is insane. A son of controversial Comelec Second Division Commissioner Elias Yusoph has been kidnapped by armed men who demanded that election results in several towns in Lanao del Sur be voided. In totally unrelated news, Comelec Commissioner Gregorio Larrazabal was unable to sleep last night when losing Quezon City mayoral candidate Annie Susano asked him through text, “May anak ka na?”

DepEd vs. CBCP, Again!
An anti-family planning group led by CBCP’s former legal counsel, Jo Imbong has filed a class suit against the Department of Education seeking to stop it from teaching sex education because it makes students “sex-obsessed.” Really?!? You mean sex education is being taught in seminaries?

Smokers
According to the 2009 Global Adult Tobacco Survey, there are 17.3 million cigarette smokers in the country today. I heard they even formed a group to defend their habit. The group’s leader is called ‘president.’

Charice on Glee
Filipina singing sensation Charice will be part of the second season of the hit TV series, “Glee.” Not to be outdone, basketball star James Yap is reportedly auditioning for the next season of “The Bachelor.”

————————
“Family quarrels are bitter things. They don’t go by any rules. They’re not like aches or wounds; they’re more like splits in the skin that won’t heal because there’s not enough material.”
~F. Scott Fitzgerald

Survey Says
FVR for Ramos, PGMA for Gloria, JPE for Estrada. Ano ang dapat kay Noynoy?
PNoy (President Noynoy) 25%
PBSA (President Benigno Simeon Aquino) 7%
PNA (President Noynoy Aquino) 17%
Ambot sa imo! 51%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: The ‘influential’ Danny Lim?

Manila Standard Today: Inquirer chickens out

PDI columnist and ANC host Manolo Quezon compiled some fascinating facts and figures on Noynoy and Binay

Enjoy the rest of the week!

POLITICS AND BASKETBALL


Boston’s Loss
The Los Angeles Lakers won the 2010 NBA Finals in a come-from-behind fashion. The Boston Celtics are blaming Peping Cojuangco, Chiz Escudero, Conrado De Quiros, William Esposo, and the Council on Philippine Affairs for the loss.

Leading 3 games to 2 entering Game 6, the Boston Celtics failed to sustain its momentum and lost the NBA Championship to the Los Angeles Lakers. Despite Boston’s loss though, Noynoy Aquino assures his unwavering support for the team and promised to cheer on them again after one year.

The Boston Celtics lost to the Los Angeles Lakers in a thrilling fight to the finish. Despite Boston’s heartbreaking loss, Noynoy Aquino reiterated his support for the team and even said that Kevin Garnett was his alter ego.

The Boston Celtics lost to the Los Angeles Lakers who zoomed to the top during the last stages of the finals. Citing the lack of support from the Celtics’ second unit, Boston believer Korina Sanchez felt betrayed.


LA’s Victory
The Los Angeles Lakers outhustled the Boston Celtics en route to a thrilling, well-deserved victory. While Joseph Estrada accepted Boston’s loss and conceded that LA was the rightful winner, he criticized the officiating of the referees.

The Boston Celtics lost to the Los Angeles Lakers. Boston supporter Gilbert Teodoro conceded to the Lakers, and hinted that he would soon quit watching basketball.

The Los Angeles Lakers won the NBA championship against the Boston Celtics in seven games. With still two minutes remaining in the game, Manny Villar became the first Celtics supporter to concede to LA’s victory.

The LA Lakers came from behind to repulse the Boston Celtics in a thrilling finalé. Despite LA’s clear win, Jamby Madrigal, Nicanor Perlas and JC De Los Reyes refused to concede.

The Los Angeles Lakers beat the Boston Celtics in this year’s NBA finals. A majority of Philippine Daily Inquirer columnists reportedly supported the Lakers… except for Belinda Olivares-Cunanan.

GMA’s Books
On Tuesday, June 22, outgoing president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo will launch two books, “Beat the Odds” and “Beating the Odds” in a formal ceremony at Malacañang Palace. The books contain a rundown of her accomplishments as president, as well as the challenges that she hurdled during her presidency. Even before the books are officially launched, both titles have reportedly zoomed to the No.1 and No. 2 places in Powerbooks’ list of fastest-selling work of fiction.

Outgoing president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo will launch two books, “Beat the Odds” and “Beating the Odds” in a formal ceremony at Malacañang Palace on Tuesday. Mrs. Arroyo has already dismissed rumors the similarly titled books are about her breasts.

FG’s Surgery
First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo underwent a delicate surgery on his backbone. His attending physician said Mr. Arroyo had spinal stenosis, a narrowing of the spinal canal. This medical condition of the spinal column is not rare but the surgery becomes complicated when the patient is reptilian.

The Inaugural
Manolo Quezon, President-elect Noynoy Aquino’s spokesman for inauguration-related matters says Noynoy will write 85 percent of his inaugural speech. A pool of writers will finish the remaining 15 percent while Noynoy takes a smoking break.

According to the grapevine, two Ateneo students initially volunteered to write the inaugural speech for President-elect Noynoy Aquino. But Noynoy declined and said, “Gusto n’yong mag-apologize at mag-resign agad ako?!?”

Three heads of state, Thai Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva, Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak and East Timor President Jose Ramos-Horta have reportedly confirmed attendance at the Noynoy Aquino inaugural. As a gesture of goodwill, President Hugo Chaves is sending the current Miss Venezuela.


Daring Journalist
Joshua Garcia, a reporter for local cable news network GNN was trapped near the crater of Taal Volcano after he defied warnings of residents not to descend into the crater while reporting on the condition of the volcano. Garcia could not climb back because his location was too steep. After five long hours, the coastguard was able to rescue Garcia who suffered exhaustion, dehydration, and embarrassment.

Unable to climb back due to the steep terrain, Joshua Garcia of local cable news network GNN was trapped for five long hours near the crater of Taal Volcano last week before authorities rescued him. People who heard the story were stunned and were prompted to ask, “GNN?!? Mehhh gano’n?”

Smokin’ Baby
Chances are you have seen the video of Ardi Rizal, the chain smoking, two-year-old Indonesian baby. When I first saw that clip on YouTube, I said, “This kid’s gonna be president someday!”

Survey Says
Isang self-serving question (Don’t worry, walang dagdag-bawas dito). Sino sa palagay n’yo ang magkakampeon sa 2010 NBA Finals?
BOSTON Celtics 38%
LOS ANGELES Lakers 44%
Bahala na. Kahit sino. Kahit wala. 18%

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Have a safe and productive week ahead!

GETTING READY


Back To School
Classes officially opened today, June 15. For newbies, it’s when they start to learn, experiment, meet new friends and enemies, get mocked and sometimes, bullied by more powerful people around them, and then evaluated with a pass or fail grade… exactly the same things that await our new president on June 30.

School and Pacman
Just a few hours after he arrived yesterday from Canada, Manny Pacquiao was present on Day 1 of his 10-day certificate course at the Development Academy of the Philippines. Rumors say though Pacquiao went home disappointed when he learned that sex education wouldn’t be part of the curriculum.

Something odd happened on Day 1 of Manny Pacquiao’s 10-day certificate course at the Development Academy of the Philippines in Pasig City. Pacquiao refused to leave the classroom… and waited for the final bell.

Lecturers at the Development Academy of the Philippines plan to orient Jinkee Pacquiao on the role of a Congressional spouse. Jinkee, who joined Pacman at the DAP yesterday, was reportedly shocked when lecturers informed her that wives of congressmen have other things to do aside from shopping.

Manny Pacquiao is returning to school after winning the congressional race in Sarangani Province. Meanwhile, his opponent, Roy Chiongbian is starting a career in boxing.

Net Worth
Based on his 2009 Statement of Assets and Liabilities, Sen. Manny Villar is still the richest senator with a net worth of 947.88 million pesos. That figure could have been higher if Villar didn’t try to buy the entire country during the campaign.

Noynoy’s Media Men
President-elect Noynoy Aquino has chosen ANC host and Inquirer columnist Manuel Quezon III as his spokesperson for inauguration-related news while award-winning journalist and ANC anchor Ramon ‘Ricky” Carandang will reportedly be part of Noynoy’s media group. There’s no truth to rumors though that ANC has replaced NBN4 as the official government station.

Noynoy’s Plea
President-elect Noynoy Aquino is trying to reconcile his allies who disagree because of politics. The other day, he called on Mar Roxas and Chiz Escudero to settle their differences. If Noynoy succeeds in uniting Mar and Chiz, he’ll then try to reconcile Korina and Kris.

Reports say President-elect Noynoy Aquino wants Mar Roxas and Chiz Escudero to make up. Joey Salceda volunteers to help.

Noynoy’s Inauguration
On June 30, President-elect Noynoy Aquino will take his oath before Associate Justice Conchita Carpio-Morales. The swearing in will take place at the Quirino Grandstand. On the same night, Korina Sanchez is expected to swear before Mar Roxas at the Araneta Center in Cubao.

The June 30 inauguration of the new president will include Noynoy Aquino’s traditional ride with outgoing president Gloria Arroyo. This early, Noynoy has been practicing, trying to perfect a jump from a speeding vehicle before it hits the grandstand’s concrete fence.

Noynoy’s Designers
According to ABS-CBN News, five designers – JC Buendia, Ivarluski Aseron, Randy Ortiz, Paul Cabral, and Joey Samson will dress up President-elect Noynoy Aquino during his 6-year term. The five fashion experts described the opportunity to enchance Noynoy’s looks… as their toughest job yet.

Noynoy’s Cabinet
President-elect Noynoy Aquino says the composition of his cabinet will be known this week. So far, nine have already said yes to his invitation to join his administration. They are Dinky Soliman (DSWD), Ding Deles (peace process), Jojo Ochoa (executive secretary), Edwin Lacierda (spokesman) and the five designers.

Jejomar or Jesse?
President-elect Noynoy Aquino is reportedly choosing between Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay and Naga City mayor Jesse Robredo for the DILG post. Binay has been vocal about his desire to take on the DILG portfolio but members of the civil society want Robredo. Since it’s a hell of a dilemma, Noynoy plans to consult Madam Auring.

Miss U 2008 in RP
The 2008 Miss Universe from Venezuela, Dayana Mendoza, and now Smartmatic’s Ambassador for Transparency is in the country to personally congratulate Filipinos for the peaceful conduct of elections. Meanwhile, in totally unrelated news, outgoing senator Jamby Madrigal and outgoing Quezon City Rep Annie Susano have both retracted their accusations against Smartmatic and congratulated the IT group for a job well done.
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“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
~ Derek Curtis Bok

Briefly Noted
FM for Marcos. FVR for Ramos. PGMA for Gloria. And now PNoy for Aquino? WTF! Puwede ba, tigilan na ang pagpapauso ng kung anu-anong pagpapapogi. The campaign is over. He is the president now! Use PNA for President Noynoy Aquino. Besides, (and no offense) we don’t want Visayans to call him Penoy, do we? Sounds like infertile egg to me.

Survey Says
Pabor ba kayo sa pagkakaroon ng revolving First Ladies (Ballsy, Pinky, Viel and Kris)?
Why not? Try natin! 30%
‘Wag na lang. Parang magulo. 27%
Ayaw ko na ‘yang problem

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Elsewhere
UP Professor Solita Monsod (BusinessWorld): How to solve a problem like Jejomar Binay

Newsbreak: For most nat’l candidates, bailiwicks didn’t deliver


Personal
Still, Lakers! Believe.
‘Nuff said.

The Who
It happened during an out-of-town show. After the program, the cast and crew went swimming. Everyone had fun except for promising new actor who felt so uncomfortable because closet TV host (CTV) kept hitting on him. “Binakuran” – as one witness described it. Was CTV ‘successful?’ Sources say, na-ah. Bokya!

If you want to know the identity of the CTV, just ask Susan Sarandon and Helena Bonham Carter and they’ll surely respond in the affirmative. As for the promising actor, his name reminds us of one of the best presidents we never had.

Enjoy the rest of the week!

CONVERSATIONS


US President Barack Obama phoned President-elect Noynoy Aquino on Wednesday night to congratulate him. The telephone call lasted 20 minutes. It was a pleasant conversation between the two leaders who both vowed to strengthen bilateral ties. Obama excitedly inquired about Manila; Aquino enthusiastically asked about Virginia… tobacco.

During their 20-minute conversation, President-elect Noynoy Aquino and US President Barack Obama talked about their common habit: cigarette smoking. Obama vows to offer Noynoy advice on quitting smoking if Noynoy promises to give him tips on computer gaming.

World leaders continue to convey their congratulatory messages to President-elect Noynoy Aquino. Also on Wednesday night, Aquino got a call from Chinese President Hu Jintao… who informed him that China has just successfully tapped his conversation with Obama.

President-elect Noynoy Aquino received a call from South Korean President Lee Myung-bak too. President Lee thanked Aquino in advance for allowing half of the South Korean population to stay in the Philippines.

On Wednesday, President-elect Noynoy Aquino got a congratulatory call from US President Obama. Not to be outdone, Mar Roxas received a call that same night… from Sarah Palin.


GMA Calls Noynoy
Outgoing president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo congratulated President-elect Noynoy Aquino over the phone last Wednesday. Noynoy himself revealed that the call lasted only three minutes. Of course, that phone conversation could have been longer… if President Arroyo was a smoker.

President-elect Noynoy Aquino said he also got a call from outgoing President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo Wednesday night. A staunch critic of the administration, Noynoy admitted that he kinda felt “awkward” during the conversation… especially when Mrs. Arroyo started asking, “What are you wearing?”

Jose Maria Sison’s Allegation
From the Netherlands, CPP-NPA founder Jose Maria Sison accused Pinky Aquino-Abellada, sister of President-elect Noynoy Aquino, of conspiring with outgoing president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and the US Central Intelligence Agency to “preprogram” the May 10 automated election system in favor of Noynoy. In another news dismissed as totally unrelated by local Communist leaders, the University of the Philippines Department of Psychology will release Jose Maria Sison’s psychiatric evaluation report.

Noynoy & Shalani
Apparently irked by questions on his girlfriend and their wedding plans, President-elect Noynoy Aquino told the press that he would have to consult Madam Auring on the matter. Shocked by Noynoy’s statement, Shalani Soledad blurted out, “Madam Auring na ngayon ang name ni Kris Aquino?!?”

Stars In Government
Unconfirmed reports say President-elect Noynoy Aquino plans to appoint film producer Lily Monteverde as Optical Media Board chair; young actor Dingdong Dantes as head of the National Youth Commission, and Mary Grace Poe-Llamanzares as MTRCB chairman. Earlier this week, Aquino has announced the appointment of Madam Auring as presidential adviser on marital affairs.


Revolving First Ladies?
If President-elect Noynoy Aquino requests it, Ballsy Aquino-Cruz says she and sisters Viel, Pinky, and Kris will take turns in playing the role of First Lady. Meanwhile, Dr. Elenita Binay has reportedly rejected Vice President-elect Jejomar Binay’s request to have revolving Second Ladies.
——————–
“Diplomacy is to do and say the nastiest things in the nicest way.”
~Isaac Goldberg

Survey Says
Should Mar Roxas file an electoral protest?
Oo naman. Malay natin, mabaligtad ang resulta. 26%
‘Wag na. Si Binay naman talaga ang nanalo. 53%
Wala akong pakialam. 21%

Elsewhere
Newsbreak: Lack of ‘meddling’ First Lady a plus for Noynoy —analysts

Manila Standard Today: Inquirer drops Cunanan

Enjoy your long weekend!

MEMOIRS


Erap Quitting Politics?
Former president Joseph Estrada told ABS-CBN News he’s quitting politics soon. Estrada first entertained the thought of abandoning politics when Jejomar Binay abandoned him in the last elections.

Deposed president Joseph Estrada is leaving politics soon. Sought for comment, politics said the ‘parting’ was amicable.

Interviewed by ABS-CBN News, former president Joseph Estrada said he’s planning to write a book about his life starting from childhood… meaning, the book will start from the time he became president.

Former president Joseph Estrada told ABS-CBN News that he is planning to write a book about his life starting from childhood until his 2010 re-election bid. Erap reveals some 15 to 25 pages of his book will be blank. Asked why, he replied, “Siyempre, nakakulong ako ‘no! Paano ako makapagsusulat? Gago!”

Losing presidential reelectionist Joseph Estrada is reportedly writing a book about his life. This early, it is expected to top the list of best-selling Coloring Books.

ABS-CBN News says former president Joseph Estrada is planning to write a book about his life starting from childhood. The first line of the book will be, “Baa baa black sheep…”

Ex-president Joseph Estrada is reportedly planning to write a book about his life. He says the book will not be self-serving and will also highlight his political mistakes. At least now, we already know half of the book’s content!

Losing presidential reelectionist Joseph Estrada told ABS-CBN that he plans to write a book about his life and he’s going to call it “Memoirs: The Life and Loves of Erap.” The first page will be about his life; the rest, about his ‘loves.’

Former president Joseph Estrada plans to write a book about his life and he wants to call it “Memoirs: The Life and Loves of Erap.” Erap says the title is not yet final because he’s having a hard time pronouncing ‘memoirs.’

Joseph Estrada is reportedly writing a book about his life starting from childhood. Rumors say he is looking forward to ‘book signing’ sessions. In fact, this early, he’s been practicing how to sign ‘Jose Velarde’ again.

This just in! Unconfirmed reports say defeated presidential candidate Manny Villar is writing a book too. It will be about the recent May 10, 2010 elections, and will be titled, “Bad Memoirs.”

In Other News…
On Wednesday, June 9, both Noynoy Aquino and Jejomar Binay will be proclaimed president and vice president, respectively. If Mar Roxas concedes to Binay on or before Wednesday, he’ll be proclaimed a ‘martyr.’

GMA Off to China
On Tuesday, June 8, President Arroyo is going to China. Proponents of the Freedom of Information bill are encouraged to wait for President Arroyo’s entourage at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport because there might just be a quorum.
————-
“Memoirs are a well-known form of fiction.”
~Frank Harris

Survey Says
Should the VP votes that were allegedly “not counted” by some PCOS machines be counted manually by Congress as suggested by the Roxas camp?
DAPAT LANG para lumabas ang tunay na boses ng bayan! 40%
HINDI! Tapusin na ang canvassing ‘tsaka sila mag-protesta! 53%
Ano ‘yong issue? ‘Di ko na-follow ang news eh. 7%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Elsewhere…
Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism:In 14 years, Speaker grows wealth from P6.5M to P88M

Philippine Star columnist Federico Pascual is furious: My being PNOC director: Another Lopez ‘kuryente’; ABS-CBN apologizes

Enjoy the rest of the week!

BREAK KUNG BREAK!


Congressional Canvass
Have you been following the news on the congressional canvass of the votes for president and vice president? Reports say PCOS machines failed to allegedly read some 2.6 million votes for vice president. Congress refers to these as “null” votes… or as Mar Roxas would call it, “my last hope.”

House Speaker Prospero Nograles says presidential frontrunner Noynoy Aquino is expected to be officially proclaimed on Monday, June 7. Also on Monday, Congress will bestow Vetellano Acosta the “Overachiever Award.”

Noy Rests
Before his anticipated proclamation next week, Noynoy Aquino has taken a five-day break to prepare for his six-year term. Meanwhile, Mar Roxas has also taken a two-day break… to prepare for his three-year election protest.

Photo of the Weak:
Isang araw sa Batasang Pambansa


(L-R) Congressmen Eduardo Zzzialcita, Art Defensor and Rufus Rodriguez. Ano ang angkop na titulo o caption sa larawang ito?
A: Whom the Gods wish to destroy, they first make sleepy
B: “Lord, bigyan mo po ako ng lakas ng loob na tularan si Congressman Zialcita sa kanyang lantarang pagtulog habang may sesyon sa Kamara! Amen.”
C: “Mga baga mo ug nawong mao nga napildi mo adtong miaaging eleksyon. Gaba ra ninyo!”
D: “Mr. Speaker, distinguished colleagues, sabay-sabay nga tayo please… ‘Walaaaaaaang tulugan!”

Special Polls
The Liberal Party is confident that Noynoy Aquino shall win in Lanao Del Sur, Western Samar, Sarangani, and Basilan where special elections are being held today, June 3. Question: If Noynoy wins the special elections, would residents of those provinces refer to him as their ‘special president?’

CBCP & Cabral
The Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines appealed to President-apparent Noynoy Aquino not to retain Esperanza Cabral as health secretary. The CBCP made the appeal after Secretary Cabral insisted that “healing masses” have “No Approved Therapeutic Claims.”

Overseas…
After four decades of blissful union, former US vice president Al Gore and wife Tipper have called it quits. Tipper lamented that for the past five or six years, the only thing that roused Al Gore’s interest was the ozone hole.

Some people say former US vice president Al Gore and Loren Legarda should go on a date. Why not? After all, Loren likes recycling.
————————–
“Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.”
~ Will Rogers

Survey Says
Saan dapat manirahan si Noynoy Aquino pagkatapos ng kanyang proklamasyon bilang presidente?
Sa Malacañang dahil ito ang opisyal na tirahan ng pangulo ng Pilipinas 40%
Sa Times Street: Kung saan ka masaya, suportahan ta ka! 9%
Wala akong pakialam! Pati ba naman ‘yan puproblemahin ko pa? 51%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.


Personal
Game 1. Friday. 9AM.
Staples Center.
Lakers forever.
Handa na ba kayo?

FENG SHUI


REPORTS SAY President-apparent Noynoy Aquino doesn’t want to live in Malacañang because it has ‘negative vibes’ on him. To prove his claim, Noynoy revealed that whenever he was at the palace during the presidency of his mom, “Lagi akong ‘game over’ sa Pacman.”

Noynoy Aquino was quoted to have said that he doesn’t want to stay in Malacañang because the palace has “negative vibes” on him. He is now choosing between his house on Times Street and the Manila Cathedral!

President-apparent Noynoy Aquino says he will not live at the Arlegui mansion inside Malacañang compound because “Living in it, by myself, will just emphasize being alone,” – to which Ninoy and Cory said, “Anak, hindi ka nag-iisa!” Awoo!


Eighty Percent
Do you still remember Noynoy Aquino’s pre-election promise that if elected president, he’d be sharing up to 80 percent of his job with his one and only partner Mar Roxas? Well, here’s the latest: Mar Roxas has just sent his ‘No, thanks!’ message.

The bad news is Noynoy Aquino won’t be able to share up to 80 percent of his presidential powers with Mar Roxas. The really bad news is Jejomar Binay is reportedly willing to take 100 percent.

Now it can be told! Remember when Noynoy Aquino promised to share up to 80 percent of his job with Mar Roxas? Rumors say Roxas told Noynoy, “You want me to do 80 percent of your job?!? Who the hell do you think you are, Korina?!?”

World No-Tobacco Day
The World Health Organization declared May 31 as World No-Tobacco Day, or as Noynoy Aquino would call it, “Whateverrr!”

Congress & Canvassing
Congress has started counting electronically-transmitted votes for president and vice president. Apart from computer glitches, authors of the elections automation law admit they did not foresee a much bigger problem that threatens to further delay the canvassing – Didagen Dilangalen.

Inquirer is No. 1
According to the latest survey conducted by The Nielsen Co., the Philippine Daily Inquirer is the No.1 newspaper in the country followed by the Manila Bulletin and the Philippine Star. The Manila Times is planning to sue Nielsen after the paper placed 6th.

The latest Nielsen survey showed that the Philippine Daily Inquirer is the No. 1 newspaper in the country today. To beat the Inquirer, the Philippine Star is reportedly getting Chiz Escudero as endorser.
————————
“Home is where you can scratch where it itches.”
~Anonymous

Surveys Says
Sa pangkalahatan, ano ang masasabi mo sa presidency ni Gng. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo?
Excellent job! 5%
Good work! 11%
Puwede na. 20%
Buwisit! 64%

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Elsewhere…
GMA News.TV: How did the presidential and vice-presidential candidates do in your province?

Newsbreak: Corona’s somersaults

IDOLS

LEE DEWYZE is the new American Idol! After a nationwide vote, the shy and humble paint store clerk from Illinois was declared winner over young mother Crystal Bowersox of Ohio. Industry analysts say though that Bowersox is a better performer than DeWyze. Well, it does happen: better performers losing the vote? Hey, it just happened right here last May 10!

Since Day 1 of American Idol Season 9, the judges have been hinting of a Crystal Bowersox win. She has always been the frontrunner… until Chiz Escudero came out with an ad supporting Lee DeWyze.

Lee DeWyze has been declared winner of American Idol Season 9. Immediately after his win, various groups advised him to quit smoking.

America has voted and Lee DeWyze is crowned the new American Idol. Guess what, something odd happened during the finalé. As the official results were being announced, Annie Susano and Robert Ace Barbers suddenly appeared and claimed that massive fraud took place during the voting.

Morato’s Claim
Former PCSO and MTRCB Chairman Manoling Morato revealed that men approached him and offered to rig the polls in favor of Gilbert Teodoro for one billion pesos. Morato was stunned! Imagine, the men were asking one billion pesos from him! He subsequently rejected the offer saying the most that he had given a man was P1,500. Two hours na ‘yon!


Transition
Representatives of Mrs. Arroyo and Noynoy Aquino are now talking about ‘smooth transition.’ Like this morning, Mrs. Arroyo’s associates toured Noynoy’s men to Malacañang’s designated smoking area.

Congressman Pacquiao
Congressman-elect Manny Pacquiao says he is set to enroll in UP in preparation for his new job as Sarangani representative. Asked if he’s enrolling in a crash course, he replied, “Kungrisista aku, hindi pilutu! Gagu!”

Not True
Singing sensation Charice Pempengco has denied rumors she will appear on the hit US TV show “Glee.” However, it has been confirmed that Mar Roxas will appear on “Lost.”

Charice Pempengco has denied rumors she will appear on “Glee.” It has been confirmed though that Manny Villar will appear on “The Biggest Loser.”

Hot Weather
The weather bureau said temperature in Metro Manila reached 38 degrees on Wednesday! Sought for comment on the hot weather, president-apparent Noynoy Aquino said, “Wala ‘yan! ‘Yung bayaw ko ngang si James Yap, kayang mag-360 degrees!”
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“If you elect a matinee idol mayor, you’re going to have a musical comedy administration.”
~Robert Moses

Survey Says
Now that Noynoy Aquino has been elected president, should he quit smoking?
YES! Para na rin sa ikabubuti ng kalusugan niya. 44%
NO! Lifestyle niya ‘yun. 17%
WALA akong pakialam kung anumang gawin n’ya sa buhay n’ya! 39%

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DIPLOMACY


Noy and the US Envoy
US Ambassador Harry K. Thomas Jr. paid a visit to president-apparent Noynoy Aquino on Times Street, Quezon City last Friday. After the visit, both the Liberal Party and the US Embassy denied rumors that Thomas made a pitch for Jejomar Binay.

The meeting between US Ambassador Harry K. Thomas Jr. and president-apparent Noynoy Aquino last Friday reportedly lasted one and a half hours. A broad range of issues was discussed during the visit. Thomas talked about current state relations and terrorism for the first half hour, while Noynoy talked about video games for the next hour.


US Ambassador Harry K. Thomas Jr. paid a courtesy call on president apparent-Noynoy Aquino last Friday on Times Street. Thomas promised three things during his visit: one, that the US would respect the outcome of the elections; two, that America would work closely with Aquino on priority issues, and three, that he, as US envoy would never appear on Wowowee as often as his predecessor did.

Sen. Mar Roxas was also present during US Ambassador Harry K. Thomas Jr’s visit to Times Street. Roxas took advantage of the opportunity to meet Thomas before he takes a one-year break from government and politics.

GMA’s “Tuko”
Heard about President Arroyo’s speech at the Lions Club convention last Friday? In her talk, the president revealed, “In my son’s home, and in my home in Lubao, Pampanga, we don’t use chemical pest control for mosquitoes and cockroaches. We use a gecko.” Now that explains why Malacañang has been free from cockroaches and mosquitoes for nine years now.

With the likes of Dato, Mikey, Iggy, and Mike Arroyo around her, it’s no longer surprising why President Arroyo knows so much about pest management.

DOH and Smoking
The Department of Health will issue an administrative order requiring cigarette manufacturers to place graphic warnings in their products to discourage the public from smoking. Reacting to the order, cigar manufacturers have started reproducing cigar packages showing a photo of Noynoy Aquino.

Kris and TIME
Noynoy and the Aquino family are on the pages of TIME Asia again. His sister Kris was described as “The Filipina Oprah.” Sure. A black host and a black sheep.

Kris Files LOA
Kris Aquino has announced her decision to leave ABS-CBN’s two showbiz-oriented talk shows: ‘The Buzz’ and ‘SNN’ while her brother is in office. To sustain the two shows’ good ratings while she’s gone, Kris will be replaced by Robin Padilla.

A Passport, Finally!
Dethroned Bb. Pilipinas-Universe 2010 Maria Venus Raj finally gets a passport – a condition set by the Bb. Pilipinas Charities before she is completely reinstated. It took more than a month for Venus to get a passport because she was too busy with her TV guestings and appearances.


Overseas
On Saturday, May 22, 13-year-old Jordan Romero of California, USA became the youngest climber to reach the peak of Mount Everest. The lovable kid has become so popular on Twitter, fans of Justin Bieber have started sending him hate mails.
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“A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor’s throat without having his neighbor notice it.”
~Former UN Secretary-General Trygve Lie

Briefly Noted
For two consecutive days now, my favorite broadsheet has bannered ‘positive’ stories about its favorite president-elect.
Saturday: “Aquino receives US envoy”
Sunday: “China, Spain hail Aquino’s poll victory”
Is PDI the new Manila Bulletin?

Survey Says
Naniniwala ba kayo sa alegasyon ng dayaan na ibinunyag ni “Koala Boy?”
Oo! Imbestigahan ‘yan! 9%
Hindi! Pakawala siya ng mga talunan! 81%
Medyo. 10%

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Have a great week ahead. Go Lakers!