RAMDAM

markorn
Rated K
It’s September! Yup, the “ber” months are here. The world’s longest Yuletide celebration has just been started by Filipinos… with the exception of Korina Sanchez whose observance of Lent began Tuesday.

An obviously hurting Korina Sanchez lashed out at perceived critics of Mar Roxas in a radio interview Wednesday. At one point, Sanchez even demanded an apology from Inquirer columnist Conrado De Quiros for calling the current crop of presidential aspirants, “atat sa kapangyarihan.” Reacting to the demand, De Quiros promised to stop calling Roxas “power hungry” if Korina would stop acting like a First Lady.

MAROSA Korina Sanchez insisted that she cried not because Mar Roxas dropped his bid for the presidency but because of some people who expressed doubt about her boyfriend. Eh mag-propose ka ba naman ng tanghaling tapat sa game show ni Willie Revillame, paano ka ba namang ‘di pagdududahan?!?

A fuming Korina Sanchez wept openly during her DZMM interview yesterday. For those who missed out on that rare moment, Sanchez is doing a repeat performance live on Wowowee soon.

Reports say the scheduled wedding of Sen. Mar Roxas and Korina Sanchez will push through on October 23. However, because of recent political developments, the caterer has decided not to set up a “presidential” table.

mikeyigan
Mikey’s Millions
Cong. Mikey Arroyo told Unang Hirit’s Arnold Clavio and Prof. Winnie Monsod that his assets ballooned from a mere P5M in 2002 to P99M in 2008 partly because of gifts from wedding sponsors. Challenged to show proof, Mikey took out a wedding invitation that says, “Paid for by sponsors of Mikey and Angela.”

Mikey Arroyo’s net worth in 2002 was P5M. In 2005, his net worth rose to P76.9M. His suspicious wife is now checking on reports he got married thrice in three years.

Mar and Noy _9.03
Noynoy Retreats
Sen. Noynoy Aquino is currently on a four-day retreat in Mindanao to pray for spiritual guidance as he decides whether or not he would run for president in 2010. Meanwhile, Mar Roxas’ fiancée, Korina Sanchez is going on a two-week retreat to pray that Noynoy declines the endorsement.

Sen. Noynoy Aquino left Manila on Thursday for a four-day retreat in Mindanao to pray for divine guidance as he decides whether or not he would run for president. Actually, Noynoy wanted to pray for five days but God would be too busy on Monday as He is scheduled to talk to Among Ed Panlilio.

Villanueva Won’t Withdraw
Amid praises for Mar Roxas’ decision to give way to partymate Noynoy Aquino, Born Again Christian leader Bro. Eddie Villanueva says he will not back out of the presidential race in 2010. To give you an idea how determined he is in running and winning the presidency, he has started to court the endorsement of Iglesia ni Cristo.

chetiongson Singson Beats Wife
A case was filed against deputy national security adviser Luis “Chavit” Singson by his live-in partner Rachel “Che” Tiongson after he allegedly beat her up for committing adultery. Something awkward though happened at the Quezon City RTC where the case was filed. When the case was being raffled off, Singson placed a bet.
_________
“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”
~ Anthony Robbins

Survey Says…
Will you support Joey De Venecia’s senatorial bid?
Sure, why not: 50%
No, way!: 42%
Joey who?: 7%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

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SAVING FACE

Tabloid Headline, September 2, 2009

Dalawang prominenteng pamilya sa Pilipinas lumuluha
Ka Erdie Manalo, pumanaw;
Sen. Mar Roxas, umayaw!

sukonako Roxas Withdraws
Sen. Mar Roxas has dropped his bid for the presidency next year. If he could only turn back time, he would have prayed much harder for Tita Cory’s recovery.

Mar Roxas has announced his decision to drop his presidential ambition in 2010. Joseph Estrada lauded Mar’s statesmanship. Chiz Escudero hailed Mar’s selflessness. And Manny Villar praised Mar’s performance… in the SWS and Pulse Asia surveys.

Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas, who’s been trailing in recent surveys, will no longer seek the presidency in 2010. His family and supporters call it an “act of sacrifice,” otherwise known as “graceful exit.”

Mar Roxas will no longer run for president in 2010. He has also adopted a new slogan, “Lacson, hindi ka nag-iisa.”

Last week, Pampanga governor Among Ed Panlilio declared that he was willing to forego his presidential ambition if Noynoy Aquino would seek the presidency. Panlilio will reportedly make a formal announcement as soon as he gets a go signal from God. ‘Di pa niya kasi nakakausap ulit.

mar_korina_eeeeew In a press conference held last night, Mar Roxas announced that he has dropped his plans to become president in 2010. Fighting back tears, he said, “Bayan bago ang sarili. Maniwala man kayo o hindi, ginagawa ko ito para sa bayan.” And just to prove his love of country, he is also dropping his plan to become a groom next month.

Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas said withdrawing from the 2010 presidential race was the hardest decision he has ever made in his entire life… next only to his decision to marry Korina Sanchez.

Broadcaster Korina Sanchez was seen crying while Mar Roxas was making the important announcement at Club Filipino. Apparently, hindi siya handa.

marnoy2009 In an emotional speech at Club Filipino, Mar Roxas expressed support for Noynoy Aquino’s candidacy for president. He promised, “Hindi kami maghihiwalay ni Noy.” Korina Sanchez cried even more.

The good news is Mar Roxas has officially announced that he shall give way to Noynoy Aquino in 2010. The bad news is Korina Sanchez still refuses to give way to Shalani Soledad.

Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas made two important decisions yesterday, September 1. First he changed his mind and dropped his bid for president. Second, he changed his Friendster status from “In a Relationship to “It’s Complicated.”

mar_pedicab Mar Roxas has canceled his bid for the presidency in 2010. An hour before he made the announcement, he canceled his contract with the ad agency that created his TV commercials. He told them, “’Tang-inaaaaa! Ano ba ‘tong ginawa n’yo!?”

Mar Roxas is no longer running for president. He now seriously considers accepting ABS-CBN’s offer to replace Willie Revillame on Wowowee.

Top 7 Movie Remakes About Sen. Mar Roxas’ Decision to Drop His Bid for the Presidency

No. 7: Kung Fu Malya (Sa Surveys)

No. 6: I, Lowbat

No. 5: My Best Friend’s Quitting / Look Who’s Quitting

No. 4: Race/Off

No. 3: Ganito Kayo ni Korina Noon, Paano Kayo Ngayon?

No. 2: Kung Mangarap Ka’t Magising… na Wala Kang Tsansang Manalo

And the No. 1 movie remake about Sen. Mar Roxas’ decision to drop his bid for the presidency…

We’re Not Just that Into You

In Other News
Reports say former First Lady Imelda Marcos is pushing her son Bongbong to run for president in 2010… to which the Ilocos Norte representative quipped, “Sure! Pero sa isang kondisyon: mamatay ka muna.”

manalo Ka Erdie, 84
Iglesia ni Cristo executive minister, Eraño ‘Ka Erdy’ Manalo passed away Monday, August 31. The INC leadership has released a memorandum circular calling on all members to observe bloc mourning.

Senate Hearing on ZTE
In yesterday’s Senate hearing on the canceled ZTE NBN deal, businessman Joey De Venecia insisted, “I am a victim of this anomalous contract.” Ulol!
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“A good sacrifice is one that is not necessarily sound but leaves your opponent dazed and confused.”
~Nigel Short

MOTIVES

NOYNOY_MAR Mar & Noy
In a radio interview Saturday (August 29), presidential aspirant Mar Roxas said he is now willing to slide down to the VP race if his best friend, Noynoy Aquino decides to seek the presidency. In making that statement, Roxas hopes to solidify their friendship, cement party unity, and boost his ranking in the next presidential survey.

Mar & Noy II
Presidential aspirant Mar Roxas, who previously insisted that he wouldn’t slide down to the VP race has just announced on radio that he would give way to Noynoy Aquino if the latter decides to run for president. Mar’s latest pronouncement was hailed by everyone in the Roxas household… except for Korina Sanchez.

In the News: Mar Roxas at Noynoy Aquino, mag-uusap na!
Bad News: Live! Sa The Buzz!

In the News: Para sa kaibigang si Noynoy, Mar Roxas handang magparaya!
Bad News: Sa isang kondisyon: siya ang First Lady!

Party Wants Noynoy
The Aksyon Demokratiko party of former presidential candidate Raul Roco+ has formally endorsed Noynoy Aquino as its standard-bearer for the 2010 elections. Noynoy is reportedly enthralled by the support of Aksyon Demokratiko… mainly because her Mommy Cory and the said party have something in common – they’re dead.

In the News: Mga miyembro ng Aksyon Demokratiko, suportado si Noynoy Aquino
Bad News: Aksyon Demokratiko, iisa ang miyembro

GMA & Noli
Short of anointing Vice President Noli De Castro, President Arroyo, in a statement released Friday said she regards Kabayan “as a leader imbued with decency, capability, dedication to public service and genuine sensitivity for the Filipino masses that will make him a good President.” The Inquirer said the message was sent to the vice president through text message. And if rumors were to be believed, De Castro had a very prompt, very short, and very honest reply: “Madam President… what’s ‘imbued’?”

GMA’s Trips
Malacañang is now mum on President Arroyo’s upcoming foreign trips but the Department of Foreign Affairs says she may be in Libya as early as tomorrow, August 31. To avert another potential scandal, an advance party has been sent to Tripoli to scout for a carinderia.

In the News: Pangulong Arroyo, patungong New York at Libya
Bad News: Palasyo, naghahanap ng manlilibreng kongresista

RP’s Richest
Forbes Magazine reported that presidential aspirant Manuel Villar is the ninth richest Filipino today. He would have ranked a notch higher if the Comelec imposed a ban on premature political advertisements.

Elsewhere…
Albay Governor Joey “She’ a lucky bitch” Salceda strikes again. Check out this column.

An Inquirer letter-sender shares his views on Mar Roxas’ political advertisements. Read the letter here.

jdv3 Briefly Noted
Have you heard the radio (political) ad of Joey “Back Off” De Venecia? It goes:

Si Joey De Venecia…

“Natigil natin ang anomalya ng ZTE. Napigil ang kurakot.”

Pero ang bwelta ng pamahalaan kay Joey napakalupit.

“Ang buhay ko, laging may banta. Hanapbuhay, inipit. Kanegosyo, tinakot. Pero lahat ‘to kaya kong tiisin makasama ko lang kayo sa pagsulong ng pagbabago at pag-angat sa kahirapan.”

Palabra de honor. Delicadeza. De Venecia.

Oh, come on Joey! All of sudden you wanted to be “with” us?! That’s a lot of bull! You’re just as rotten as those guys who were involved in the scandalous ZTE-NBN deal so drop that shitty impression that you’re some sort of a hero because you’re not. And please, stop using the people for your own selfish ends. Who do you think we are… Jarius Bondoc?!?

jdv33 A more believable JDV III radio ad…

Si Joey De Venecia…

“Nawalan ako ng kontrata. Natigil ang pasok sa akin ng pera.”

Napagtanto ni Joey, mahirap pala kapag ‘di na House Speaker ang kanyang Daddy.

“Kompanya ko, sa bidding… natatalo. Hanapbuhay ko, apektado. Umaatras na rin ang ilang kasosyo. Pero lahat nang ‘to kaya kong lampasan dahil may papasukin na akong bagong negosyo – kayo! Tatakbo ako sa senado upang makasama ko ang mga tao sa pagsulong ng pagbabago at pag-angat sa kahirapan.”

Pork Barrel. Droga. De Venecia.
_________
“The public may be willing to forgive us for mistakes in judgment but it will not forgive us for mistakes in motive.”
~Robert W. Haack

Survey Says…
Who has a better chance of winning the presidency?
Noynoy Aquino: 42%
Mar Roxas: 7%
Neither. Iba na lang.: 51%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

DIVINE DIVO

el_shaddai Bro. Mike Velarde
Last Thursday in Parañaque City, President Arroyo inaugurated the sprawling one billion-peso El Shaddai International House of Prayer… Or as Bro. Mike Velarde would call it, “My future Malacañang.”

Bro. Eddie Villanueva
Jesus is Lord leader Bro. Eddie Villanueva has officially declared his bid for the presidency. In case he wins, he vows to construct an even bigger and costlier house of prayer.

omg Presidential Hopefuls
Evangelist Mike Velarde wants to be president. Pastor Eddie Villanueva is running for president. And Catholic priest Eddie Panlilio hopes to become president. Has God become this power hungry?

Mar’s Plans
Insisting that he will not slide to the VP race, Sen. Mar Roxas says there is no turning back for him… unless Noynoy Aquino reimburses the millions he spent for those torturous and cringe-inducing political ads.

Mar’s Plans II
Sen. Mar Roxas says he wants Sen. Noynoy Aquino to be his running mate in 2010. If both candidates win, Korina Sanchez will become the country’s First Lady and ex-Second Lady at the same time.

Cory’s Monument
Sen. Noynoy Aquino rejected President Arroyo’s offer to construct a monument in honor of former president Cory Aquino at Luneta Park. Hurt by the rejection, Mrs. Arroyo has offered to build a monument at Luneta Park in honor of Carlo J. Caparas instead.

carloj Carlo J’s New Film
Controversial National Artist awardee Carlo J. Caparas is reportedly planning to produce a movie about Edsa People Power 1. But several sectors are opposed to the idea because Carlo J’s story includes the massacre of half of the Edsa crowd.

edsa1 Top 5 Predicted Titles of Carlo J. Caparas’ Planned Movie on Edsa People Power I

No. 5: People Power 1: Tanks, Cannons, and Guns… God, Why Me?

No. 4: The Untold Story of Edsa: Lord… I Told You!

No. 3: EDSA ONE: Hayan na ang mga Tangke ni Marcos Kaya Lord, Deliver Us from Evil, Please Lang… Save Us, Help Us, ‘Til Death Do Us Part, Txt txt na lang mga Friendship (Part 1)

No. 2: Ang Edsa At Si Cory Aquino: I Want Nobody, Nobody But You! I Want Nobody, Nobody But You!

And the No. 1 predicted title for Carlo J. Caparas’ planned movie about Edsa People Power I…

Rebolusyon sa Edsa: Ang Pakikipagsapalaran nina Totoy Bato, Gagambino, Joaquin Bordado, Bakekang, at Tasya Fantasya sa Ngalan ng Demokrasya

marcs Marcos’ Burial
Reports say Imelda Marcos has reiterated her long-time desire to have a state funeral for her husband, Ferdinand Marcos. For the benefit of the readers of this blog who are too young to understand and remember, Ferdinand Marcos is a former president of this country who currently holds the distinction of being the world’s largest scented candle.

pitcherplant Rat-Eating Plant
This item has been all over the news for two weeks now. An international team of botanists recently discovered the world’s second largest species of rat-eating pitcher plants at the summit of Mount Victoria in Palawan. Meanwhile, a team of international zoologists are on their way to Quezon City to verify reports of a building that houses law-making crocodiles in the area.

rp Miss Universe 2009
A Venezuelan lass won this year’s Miss Universe title making it two years in a row for President Hugo Chavez’s beauty pageant-obsessed, petroleum-rich country. RP’s bet, Pamela Bianca Manalo failed to make the cut. Tomorrow’s tabloid headline: “Manalo, natalo!”
__________
“Most people would succeed in small things if they were not troubled with great ambitions.”
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Elsewhere…
Philippine Star columnist William Esposo on the decision of the Liberal Party to field Mar Roxas for president

Philippine Daily Inquirer‘s Conrad De Quiros is for Noynoy too!

Survey Says
Sen. Manny Villar is open to the idea of Willie Revillame running for senator. Your reaction:
What the f*ck was Villar thinking?!?: 91%
Why not!? He has a huge following.: 6%
Wala akong pakialam sa pulitika: 3%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

PLANS

noysisses
Noynoy in 2010
Sen. Noynoy Aquino says his sisters Pinky and Viel do not want him to run either for president or vice president in 2010. Noynoy clarifies though that neither Pinky nor Viel will decide for him. It will be Josh.

shalani Noynoy’s Girl
Sen. Noynoy Aquino has finally admitted that he has a girlfriend. For a change, the new girl is neither a newscaster nor a bold star.

Recto Resigns
Socioeconomic Planning Secretary Ralph Recto has resigned his post effective August 16. Batangueños are rejoicing. Finally, they can have their governor back.

ABS-CBN’s Profit
ABS-CBN reported a 12 percent growth in airtime revenues for the second quarter of 2009. With this positive development, Gabby Lopez has promised to hire better writers and researchers for the network’s documentary programs.

kobe-bryant_nba_la-lakers Postscript to Kobe’s Visit
According to recent gossip columns, when NBA superstar Kobe Bryant visited RP last month, he had dinner with starlet Michelle Madrigal in a posh restaurant in Makati City… to which Press Secretary Cerge Remonde said, “So?! It’s just a simple late-night dinner! Not a single centavo of taxpayers’ money was spent!”

Light Bites
Philippine Star columnist William Esposo emailed me this joke:

Ninoy Aquino: “The Filipino is worth dying for.”

Cory Aquino: “The Filipino is worth living for.”

Gloria Arroyo: “The Filipino is worth dining for.”

And if I may add more …

Sen. Mar Roxas: “The Filipino is worth biking for.”

Joseph Estrada: “The Filipino is worth drinking for.”

Sen. Manuel Villar: “The Filipino is worth inserting for.”

Sen. Mar Roxas 2: “The Filipino is worth cursing for.”

Sen. Panfilo Lacson: “The Filipino is worth killing for.”

Pampanga Gov. Ed Panlilio: “The Filipino is worth quarrying for.”

Lilia Pineda: “The Filipino is worth jueteng for.”

Sen. Jamby Madrigal: “The Filipino is worth… half of my inheritance.”

Sen. Lito Lapid: “The Filipino is worth… a thousand words.”

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“Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.”
~George Bernard Shaw

THE LAST FIVE DAYS

cory_funeral3
Tita Cory: A Postscript
Former presidents Fidel Ramos and Joseph Estrada as well as Vice President Noli De Castro, members of both Houses of Congress and government officials attended the requiem mass for former President Corazon Aquino at the Manila Cathedral. There was a heavy downpour in Manila that morning. No wonder, President Arroyo was so isolated.

cory_funeral4gma
Top 5 Things Overheard At the Wake of Tita Cory When President Arroyo Arrived

No. 5: “Huwag natin siyang iheckle friends. May breeding tayo. Ganito, sabay-sabay… inhale, exhale!”

No. 4: “Akala ko ba Cup D na. Bakit parang Cup A lang naman?”

No. 3: ““Wala ba shi Krish? Gushto ko shanang mag-explain at mag-shorry nang pershonal.”

No. 2: “Leche naman, oo! Six hours na kami sa pila, nauna pa siya!”

And the No. 1 thing overheard at the wake of Tita Cory when President Arroyo arrived….

[Whispering] “Ano ang tinitingin-tingin mo d’yan? Umalis ka sa harapan ko dahil ‘pag di ako nakapigil, babangon ako rito!”

cory_funeral5
Former President Cory Aquino is gone. Like her family, politicians are in mourning: Mayor Jejomar Binay lost a friend. Cong. Teddyboy Locsin lost a boss. Sen. Mar Roxas lost an endorsement.

A resolution to declare President Cory Aquino a “national hero” has been filed in Congress. Malacañang is reportedly supporting the resolution… but aside from Cory, President Arroyo is requesting Congress to also declare as national heroes Carlo J. Caparas and Cecile Guidote-Alvarez.

Philippines Aquino
A resolution to declare President Cory Aquino a “national hero” has been filed in Congress. Another resolution will also be filed to officially declare Kris Aquino our “national pastime.”

Kris Aquino revealed that her eldest son Josh told his Tito Noynoy “to please never get married.” Newspaper articles were right. The torch has been passed… Noynoy shall continue the suffering.

At Tuesday’s necrological services, Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay praised Mrs. Aquino for not clinging to power after her term. When Tita Cory heard this, she told God: ‘Yan po ang aking appointee noong 1986 na si Jojo Binay. Mayor pa rin siya hanggang ngayon. Patawarin po ninyo ako.”

Philippines Aquino
There were conflicting reports as to the crowd estimate during the Cory Aquino funeral. According to ABS-CBN News Online, there were 250,000 people. Congressman Rodolfo Plaza believes the number reached 500,000. The Philippine Daily Inquirer reported 150,000. Bro. Eddie Villanueva says 5 million.

Cory’s sister-in-law, former senator Tessie Aquino-Oreta was supposed to take part in the necrological services last Tuesday. Organizers had to decline though because she offered to do a dance number.

Caption of the Weak
Manila Bulletin, August 6, 2009
bulletin

Briefly Noted Under the Arroyo administration, several journalists were killed. The last five days, it was the journalists’ turn to “kill” Mrs. Arroyo.

Elsewhere…
Who is more powerful than Gabby Lopez and Charo Santos-Concio? Who else but Willie Revillame! Check out this video.

Alyansa ng Filipinong Mamamahayag on Willie Revillame: “For him to demand the removal of the little window screen showing the funeral march of the woman who got ABS-CBN back from Marcos is a blasphemy of democracy, an act despicable as him fucking his own mother.” Here’s the full statement.

There’s an online petition against Willie Revillame. Check it out here.

Newsbreak Online has a piece on local media’s inaccurate reporting.

Did Jamby Madrigal ‘”outmar” Mar Roxas at Cory’s funeral? Here’s a blog report on Jamby’s “shameless” campaigning. Necropolitics anyone?

Survey Says…
Is it possible to have another Cory Aquino in the Philippines?
YES, I still believe in Filipinos: 59%
NO, I’ve lost hope: 30%
Not Sure: 11%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

HOLY WEAK!

hly_wk_cross
Semana Santa and Philippine Politics

The House of Representatives plans to stage a senaculo on Good Friday. But they have a huge problem. The play requires only two thieves. There are 238 of them.

The Aquino Family of Tarlac is also holding a senaculo at Hacienda Luisita this week. Noynoy Aquino has been tapped to play the role of the virgin.

And Kris Aquino was assigned to read the seven last words. But the queen of talk complained, “Gosh naman Mom! Seven lang?!? Can I discuss each na lang!”

In Cavite, Panfilo Lacson played the role of Pontius Pilate in a passion play. When the mob shouted “Crucify Jesus! Crucify him,” Lacson told them, “Nahh, that’s time consuming. Shoot him!”

In the Arroyos’ hometown of Lubao, Pampanga, local officials couldn’t agree on who should play who in the upcoming senaculo . So they decided to draw lots. Hayun, sa awa ng Diyos, hanggang ngayon binobola pa rin.

Staunch supporters of Pampanga governor Fr. Ed Panlilio rejected President Arroyo’s offer to play Pontius Pilate in a passion play at the provincial capitol. Asked why, they said, “It’s a risk. Pa’no kung irelease n’ya lahat ng convicts?!?”

Loren Legarda will likewise be active this Holy Week. Dozens of senaculo organizers have invited her. She’s the unanimous choice to play Mary Magdalene.

And did you hear about Mar Roxas’ “panata” this Lenten season? He is doing a Visita Iglesia… on a pedicab.

Under fire for “meddling” in the ongoing Sulu hostage crisis, Richard Gordon refused to play the role of any major character in a senaculo in Olongapo City. He’ll keep it low key this time and will just join the crowd… of weeping women.

hly_wk_palm At the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency headquarters, drug agents were alarmed when palm fronds or “palaspas” went missing. They later discovered that the Alabang Boys powdered the palm fronds and rolled them into cigars. (Wow pare! Miss ko na si Maryjane dude!)

Overseas, Manny Pacquiao was invited by the Filipino community in California to participate in the traditional Pabasa. The People’s Champ did say yes to the invitation but instructed his lawyers to double check the “Pasyon” that he’s gonna read… just to make sure it wasn’t written by ABS-CBN lawyers.

hly_wk_pacquiao Just so you know… Manny Pacquiao is a devout Catholic. In fact, he already did the station of the cross last month. Three stations so far, to be exact.

In Davao City, Passion play organizers couldn’t find “extras” who were willing to act as thieves. They’re so afraid their mayor would take their roles seriously.

Remember controversial DOJ prosecutor John “Lending Business” Resado? Something weird happened at a senaculo in his native Tarlac when he played the role of Judas Iscariot. When Roman authorities paid him 30 pieces of silver for betraying Jesus, he demanded an additional 1.6 M pesos to be deposited to his BDO account.

If that’s weird, then this one’s insane: when fashion designer Boyet Fajardo played the role of a Roman soldier in a senaculo , he repeatedly slapped the guy who played Jesus, and then ordered everyone in the cast to kneel in front of him or else, he’ll have them fired from the project.

And finally…

This just in! Giant oil companies are hiking pump prices this week… in observance of “Mahal na Araw.”

President Arroyo’s Seven Last Words
(To be delivered on the eve of the next president’s inauguration)

7: “Ama, patawarin mo ako dahil hindi ko alam ang aking mga pinaggagawa.”

6: “Sinasabi ko sa ‘yo Mike: Ngayon din ay isasama kita sa aking self-exile.”

5: (To All Filipinos) “Mga anak… ako ang ina n’yo! Ako ang ina n’yong lahat!”

4: “Iggy, Mikey lama sabachthani?’ (Translation: “Mga kaalyado ko sa Kongreso, bakit n’yo ako pinabayaan?”)

3: “Natatakot ako!”

2: “Naganap na!” (Ang inauguration ng bagong pangulo!)

1: “Asawa ko, sa mga kamay mo’y ipinagtatagubilin ko ang mga nakulimbat natin sa palasyo!”

_________
“All spiritual practices are illusions created by illusionists to escape illusion.”
~Ram Dass

UP NEXT:
PRESIDENTIABLES: The Awful Truth in 60 Seconds

SORRY!

Late!
It felt like forever. Finally, after six long days I was able to update this blog. I would like to apologize for the late update. I was really busy the past few days. Again… I am very sorry. I know some people would be disappointed with the delayed apology. But come on guys. Mine took only six days, Cory waited for seven years!

Speaking of Cory and her apology to deposed president Joseph Estrada last week, her son, Sen. Noynoy Aquino said it was just a joke. In fact, it was the second funniest joke Cory has ever delivered – the first one being Kris.

Former president Cory Aquino has drawn flak from lawmakers and civil society groups for saying sorry to deposed president Joseph Estrada. Sen. Mar Roxas believed though Cory would have avoided the criticisms had she said, “Putang-ina mo Erap, pinapatawad na kita.”

SWS Survey
A pre-Christmas survey conducted by the Social Weather Stations showed that the four most anticipated food for ordinary Filipinos in the Yuletide feast were “lechon,” salad, spaghetti and ham. Among Filipino lawmakers though, the top answer was pork.


Communists@40
The Communist Party of the Philippines, who’s been trying to overthrow the government since 1968, marked its 40th anniversary on Friday, December 26. Wow! They’re like celebrating 40 consecutive years of failure! Amazing!

On its 40th anniversary last Friday, the Communist Party of the Philippines unveiled its 5-year insurgency plan. For 2009: Torch at least 20 Globe cell sites in the provinces. And for 2010: Elect five more party-list representatives to Congress.

On its 40th anniversary last Friday, the Communist Party of the Philippines unveiled its 5-year insurgency plan. Nope, contrary to rumors, the plan does not include getting a new party leader who’d be willing to face the enemy right here in the Philippines.

joma Joma’s Facebook
CPP-NPA founding chair Jose Maria Sison has opened an account in the social networking site Facebook. His Facebook status? “Joma is having a great time in Europe.”

This just in: Rumors say New People’s Army spokesperson Gregorio “Ka Roger” Rosal has also created a Facebook account. His status? “Ka Roger is kinda inggit at Ka Joma but fully understands the situation.”

DOH vs. Firecrackers belo
The Department of Health will use ‘scare’ ads to discourage the use of firecrackers during the New Year’s Eve revelry. One of the print ads will show a close-up of Vicki Belo’s face.

_________
Apologizing – a very desperate habit – one that is rarely cured. Apology is only egotism wrong side out.
~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., The Professor at the Breakfast-Table

REALITY SHOWS

De La Paz: Mea Culpa
Retired PNP comptroller Eliseo De La Paz appeared before the Senate Saturday and took full responsibility for the infamous Moscow incident. De La Paz says “it is a lapse on my part.” From requesting and approving 10 million pesos, to carrying the huge amount to Russia, to not declaring the said amount, to issuing conflicting statements as to the money’s real purpose – everything was his fault. In fact, De La Paz was too willing to take all the blame, he almost owned up to the fertilizer fund scam.

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago said De La Paz’s refusal to tell the truth and reveal the role of his superiors in the fund mess was a blow to the country’s efforts to get rid of corruption. And an even bigger blow to her planned revenge on Ronaldo Puno.

Obama’s Mother-in-Law
Reports say US President-elect Barack Obama is moving into the White House with his family including his mother-in-law. Yup, his mother-in-law. No Philippine president has ever done that… although Joseph Estrada did plan to bring one to Malacañang. He just couldn’t decide which one.

BF’s Posters
Reports say militants vandalized MMDA Chairman Bayani Fernando’s posters in Quezon City. They put a G between BAYA and NI… incurring the ire of actress Susan Roces.

Inspired by BF’s Win
After Bayani Fernando’s half-expected win on “Celebrity Duets,” more and more politicians are rumored to be joining (some were invited) reality competitions:
Jinggoy Estrada on “Scare Tactics”
Lito Lapid on “Average Joe”
Jamby Madrigal will try to pull off a Paris Hilton in the local version of “The Simple Life.”
– Retired PNP comptroller Eliseo De La Paz is reviewing for “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?”
President Arroyo, Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez, Loren Legarda, Jamby Madrigal, and the wife of Eliseo De La Paz will be featured on “Girls Behaving Badly.”
Tessie Aquino-Oreta is training hard now for “Dancing With the Stars.”
Noynoy Aquino might do “The Bachelor.”
John Osmeña might do “The Bachelorette.”
Jose De Venecia was actually invited to be a contestant on “The Biggest Loser.”
And finally, Ping Lacson has reportedly bought a new gun in preparation for his stint on “Kakasa Ka ba sa Grade 5?”

Have a great week ahead!

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Few people have the imagination for reality.
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe