Communications Group
President Aquino’s much-ballyhooed Communications Group will have two leaders – broadcast journalist Ricky Carandang and columnist Herminio Coloma. In appointing two heads, the President hopes to clearly relay his message to the public; draw feedback from them, and silence the warring factions in his government.
SONA Leak
Some palace reporters believe somebody in Malacañang gave ABS-CBN an advance copy of President Aquino’s speech last Monday. According to the Inquirer, ABS-CBN’s Facebook account posted a copy of the President’s speech even before he could finish his SONA. In another news dismissed by ABS-CBN as totally irrelevant, Ricky Carandang and Ces Drilon have been voted as News & Public Affairs’ most beautiful couple.
SONA Leak II
Reports say a copy of President Aquino’s SONA was leaked to ABS-CBN last Monday… something that’s not surprising since ABS-CBN is a government station.
Three Spokesmen
The President will soon have three spokespersons: Herminio Coloma, Edwin Lacierda, and Ricky Carandang. One to create the message; another to fine-tune it, and a third to leak it.
THIS JUST IN! Unverified reports say the Communications Group will soon produce a TV show for President Noynoy Aquino. The program will be similar to Mrs. Arroyo’s “The Working President.” It will be called, “The Shooting President.”
NFA & Rice
Angelito Banayo, the new administrator of the National Food Authority said the agency’s recent inventory showed there are no rotten rice stocks in its warehouses. But another inventory showed there still are rotten officials left in NFA offices.
NFA & Rice II
Assuring that the country has sufficient rice stocks up to the end of the year, NFA administrator Lito Banayo said, “Naliligo po kami sa bigas” – to which MWSS executives said, “Wala kayo sa amin. Naliligo kami sa bonuses.”
Pacquiao’s Speech
In his first privilege speech as a member of Congress, Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao quoted a line from the Hollywood film “Spiderman,” ring announcer Michael Buffer, and American poet Robert Frost. And everyone agreed – his speech was more shocking than the president’s.
Pacquiao’s Speech II
In flawless English, Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao delivered Tuesday his first ever privilege speech. Pacquiao was interrupted at least five times by applause, and thrice to look up a word in the dictionary.
Accurate Polls
According to random manual audit conducted by the National Statistics Office, results of the May 10 automated elections were 99.6 percent accurate, or as former senator Mar Roxas would insist, “It’s 0.4 percent wrong!”
Announcement
Are you a drug user who plans to travel abroad? Do you carry 26.1 grams of cocaine and two tablets of diazepam? Worry no more! NAIA security will never detect you!
Rumors say some friends of Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson who is still languishing in a Hong Kong correctional facility want him to get treatment when he is released. Nope, not the type offered by NAIA; not special treatment.
Top 5 Sayings for Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson
No. 5: Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay foil.
No. 4: Aanhin pa ang damo kung cocaine na ang uso
No. 3: Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan ay addict!
No. 2: Ang lumalakad nang matulin, may ‘tinatagong cocaine
And the No 1. saying for Ilocos Sur Rep. Ronald Singson…
To err is human, to sniff is divine.
Makati Condo Problem
Do you still remember the gas leak at the West Tower condominium in Barangay Bangkal, Makati City? At press time, investigators have yet to identify the source of the leak… although Ricky Carandang is now a suspect.
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“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
~Epictetus
Survey Says…
Were you shocked by President Aquino’s State of the Nation Address?
– Oo naman! Shocking talaga! 31%
– Sus! Anong shocking do’n? 57%
– I didn’t hear it. Walang TV sa office. Hmpf! 12%
We have a new survey. Please vote now.
Have a safe weekend everyone!
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