CONDUCT UNBECOMING

Bribery and the Court of Appeals
The Supreme Court dismissed Court of Appeals Associate Justice Vicente Q. Roxas for violating the Judicial Code of Conduct in connection with the bribery scandal involving the Manila Electric Company. Roxas was a bit saddened by the decision but was nonetheless thankful that finally, he’ll have plenty of time to spend the millions of pesos he received from the power firm.

Bribery and the Court of Appeals II
In connection with the bribery scandal at the Court of Appeals, the Supreme Court has dismissed Associate Justice Vicente Q. Roxas, to whom Meralco said, “O, wag nang manisi. Bayad ka na!”

Bribery and the Court of Appeals III
Associate Justice Jose Sabio, the original whistleblower in the Meralco bribery scandal, was found guilty of simple misconduct and conduct unbecoming of a justice of the Court of Appeals. He was suspended for two months without pay. Again, that’s without pay. Sabio has just sent a text message to businessman Francis De Borja saying any amount that he’ll offer will now be accepted.

Bribery and the Court of Appeals IV
In connection with the Meralco bribery scandal at the Court Appeals, Associate Justice Vicente Q. Roxas was dismissed; Associate Justice Jose Sabio was suspended; Presiding Justice Conrado Vasquez was severely reprimanded; Associate Justice Bienvenido Reyes was reprimanded, and Associate Justice Myrna Dimaranan-Vidal was admonished. Hats off to Meralco for successfully corrupting the judiciary!

In Other News…
All priests in the 91 parishes of San Fernando City, Pampanga vowed to help gather 1 million signatures against the Reproductive Health (RH) Bill. In fact, several couples have already expressed support for the anti-RH campaign. They just couldn’t sign right now because they’re having an orgy.

Of the Reproductive Health Bill, San Fernando Archbishop Paciano Aniceto said, “Let’s fight the culture of death. Let’s fight the anti-life conspiracy.” That statement was released 10 minutes after Archbishop Aniceto finished watching X-Files 2.

Top 5 Suggested Slogans Rejected by the Archdiocese of San Fernando for the Anti-RH Bill Campaign

5: Sa ikauunlad ng bayan, maraming bata ang kailangan!

4: Ang Utos ni Yahweh: Humiga at Magparami

3: Isang Milyong Lagda Para sa Isang Milyong Bata

2: Dare to Bare: No to Condom!

And the number 1 suggested slogan rejected by the Archdiocese of San Fernando for their anti-RH Bill campaign…

1: Sign Up for Sex!

Chavit’s Appointment
Chavit Singson has been appointed as deputy National Security Adviser… mainly because his bodyguards and escorts have already outnumbered the police force in the entire Luzon.

MV Princess of the Stars’ Captain
The Regional Disaster Coordinating Council in Central Visayas has confirmed that the missing captain of the ill-fated MV Princess of the Stars is dead… officially eliminating Sulpicio Lines’ last potential scapegoat.

Belo and BF
Celebrity cosmetic expert Vicki Belo and boyfriend Dr. Hayden Kho are reportedly heading towards splitsville. Rumors say youthful Hayden has not been seeing Vicki lately because of his very tight schedule. So tight that it’s reportedly even tighter than Vicki Belo’s face.

SLOGANS FOR SULPICIO LINES

null VS. null

Sulpicio Lines filed Tuesday a civil case against Del Monte Philippines for its alleged failure to declare as toxic the chemical endosulfan that was loaded into the ill-fated MV Princess of the Stars. With separate cases against the Board of Marine Inquiry and PAGASA, Sulpicio Lines has now filed three different suits in less than a month. Sulpicio Lines owners refused to confirm rumors they’re shutting down their shipping business to start a law firm instead.

null Fare Hike

The National Economic and Development Authority has approved the LTFRB’s recommendation to increase fare rates for jeepneys, taxis, and buses. Fare rate hike is the “in” thing these days – except perhaps in Sulpicio Lines’ ticket offices.

Top 5 Suggested Slogans Rejected by Sulpicio Lines

5: Sulpicio Lines: Where the most prayerful passengers ride

4: Ride One, Ride All: Shake, Rattle, and Roll

3: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step: “Abandon ship!”

2: We’ve got SOUL, we’ve got PEACE, we’ve got YOU – Sulpicio!

And the No. 1 suggested slogan rejected by Sulpicio Lines…

1: Sakay na sa Sulpicio Lines: From Sibuyan to Babuyan and anywhere the wind blows, it doesn’t really matter!

Arenas in RP null

NBA superstar Gilbert Arenas who was recently in Manila for an Adidas promo tour was reportedly in awe of the UAAP cage wars especially after watching the Ateneo-La Salle game last Sunday. Arenas was in awe because players from both schools were “multiracial.”

JDV is Back

Fresh from his European and South American trips, Pangasinan Rep. Jose De Venecia declared that he is now prepared to testify before the Senate on the ZTE-NBN deal controversy. Wait, sino nga ulit siya?

null Seafoods Are Safe in Albay

Albay Governor Joey Salceda led some local officials in eating seafood to disprove rumors that marine life in Albay is contaminated following the onslaught of typhoon “Frank.” Albay folks remain skeptical though because, when they look at their governor, it’s really difficult to say whether he has consumed something contaminated or not.

TRAGIC

The Sulpicio Probe

The Board of Marine Inquiry (BMI) investigating the June 21 sinking of the MV Princess of the Stars is appealing to President Arroyo to give it another week to complete its probe. Mrs. Arroyo is reportedly keen on granting the request because she can empathize with the BMI. For years, she has been appealing to the public to give her another chance to complete her term.

Even before the Board of Marine Inquiry could finish its probe, congressmen entered the picture and started their own investigation into the sinking of MV Princess of the Stars. Now that’s tragic.

null Cebu Representative Antonio Cuenco defended the House inquiry, citing the “urgency” of the matter. Oh yeah, thanks for reminding us. It’s almost 2010.

Sulpicio vs. the Government null

Sulpicio Lines has sued the Board of Marine Inquiry accusing it of causing the negative publicity against the shipping company, resulting to a tarnished reputation, damaged business standing and the object of public contempt and ridicule. Sulpicio Lines’ owners are becoming more despicable each day, they start to make Meralco execs look like angels.

Sulpicio Lines says the Board of Marine Inquiry has caused and added to the negative publicity against the shipping company, resulting to a tarnished reputation, damaged business standing and the object of public contempt and ridicule. To cushion the impact of the bad publicity, Sulpicio Lines is seeking the help of Meralco’s PR specialists.

null Sulpicio vs. PAGASA

Sulpicio Lines has filed a 4 million-peso civil suit against PAGASA for wrongful weather forecast. Asked to comment on the civil suit, PAGASA Director Prisco Nilo said, “We didn’t see it coming. It was hard to predict.”

Losers in Government

GMA’s election lawyer, Romulo Macalintal said there’s nothing wrong with appointing election losers to executive posts. I agree. If you could have a defeated candidate as chief executive, why not poll losers in lower government offices?

null Pastors and Porn?

Manila Representative Bienvenido Abante and 11 other pastors of the Baptist organization Bible Mode sued the publishers of popular men’s magazines FHM (Summit Media) and Maxim (ABS-CBN Publishing) for supposed pornographic content. The pastors say the magazines “have no educational (or) artistic value, (and are) intended to draw lust and arouse prurient interest.” Apparently, the pastors have been reading those magazines. Otherwise, how in hell would they know so much about the content?

SULPICIO LINES PRESENTS…

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Top 15 Favorite Movies of Sulpicio Lines

15: Dude, Where’s My Body?

14: Dances With Waves

13: Something’s Gotta Grieve

12: There’s Something About Sulpi

11: 20,000 Deaths Under the Sea

10: Hellboat

9: Harry Porter and the Cargo of Endosulfan

8: How To Lose A Guy Relative In Two Days

7: Look Who’s Sinking

6: Sapul, Sulpicio, Saklolo

5: Fantastic For-malin

4: You’ve Got Whale!

3: What Happens in Burias

2: Bukas Lulubog ang mga Tao

And the No. 1 favorite movie of Sulpicio Lines…

1: Four Sinking and A Thousand Funerals

SULPICIO AND MERALCO

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The M/V Princess of the Stars Disaster

The sinking of M/V Princess of the Stars was Sulpicio Lines’ fourth maritime disaster. To keep up with its reputation, the Chinese owner will rename the company soon, and call it Soulpicio Lines.

The pilot episode of Harapan, ABS-CBN’s new late-night show hosted by Korina Sanchez and Ted Failon asked the question: “Sino ang dapat sisihin sa paglubog ng M/V Princess of the Stars?” Sulpicio Lines claimed the Coast Guard allowed it to sail. The Coast Guard said PAGASA’s forecast wasn’t accurate. Ted and Korina believe Winston Garcia and the GSIS were to blame.

Top 5 “If Sulpicio Lines were Meralco” Statements

5: It would defy any Coast Guard order to postpone its trip.

4: It wouldn’t compensate surviving relatives of the victims unless the Supreme Court rules otherwise.

3: It would release a series of prints ads explaining that sea tragedies also happen in Cebu, Davao and other areas where commercial sea vessels operate.

2: It would use its radio and TV stations to criticize the typhoon.

And the No. 1 “If Sulpicio Lines were Meralco” statement…

1: Judy Ann Santos would be on television right now comparing a ship sailing in stormy seas to a melting block of ice.