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RATED SPG

7 01 2017

ANG POST na ito ay Rated SPG: Striktong Patnubay at Gabay ng magulang ang kailangan. Maaaring may maselang tema, lenggwahe, karahasan, sekswal Mocha, horror o droga na hindi angkop sa mga bata.

1mochaabscbn
IT’S 2017. Aim for your dreams. Set some goals. Just believe in yourself and you’ll probably make it. Because if Mocha Uson can, MOCHA FREAKIN’ USON, so can we!

Malacañang has appointed starlet Mocha Uson as board member of the MTRCB. That’s how you start another year for this blog: with a big joke!

Tito Sotto welcomed Mocha Uson’s appointment to the MTRCB saying Uson was “a good choice because she bounds with common sense.” That’s Tito Sotto. An even bigger joke.

Last Thursday, January 5, thinking Filipinos were shocked by the news that Duterte attack dog, Mocha Uson was appointed to the MTRCB as board member. And 2016 was like, “Don’t look at me! I’m done.”

Mocha Uson has been named MTRCB board member. Shortly after, MTRCB was renamed the Misinformation and Trolling Review and Classification Board.

Defending the appointment of starlet Mocha Uson to the MTRCB, palace mouthpiece Martin Andanar said, “Mocha Uson is one of the biggest artists in the country.” To prove his claim, Andanar distributed naked photos of Uson to the press.

Newly-appointed MTRCB board member, starlet Mocha Uson said, “Pagtutuunan po natin ng pansin na mawala na ang mga ‘soft porn’ sa mga teleserye.” In other news, ISIS has just announced it will help eradicate Islamic jihadists in the world.

Exclusive
Duterte’s letter to Mocha Uson informing the starlet of her impending appointment to MTRCB.

1mocha

Another EXCLUSIVE: Here’s the accomplished questionnaire submitted by Mocha Uson to Malacañang last December 28. On the same day, Duterte signed her appointment paper as MTRCB Board Member.

1mochareply

In Other News…
Tito Sotto filed a resolution calling for the establishment of a separate film festival for independently-produced films. Hi Mr. Sotto! Cinemalaya called. Where have you been daw?

Tito Sotto questioned the quality of indie films saying, “Quality ba ‘yon? Hindi high-end equipment ng gamit! Hindi top quality ang video!” That’s coming from someone who considers ‘Enteng Kabisote 10 and the Abangers’ the benchmark for films.

I. CAN’T. EVEN.
Lawyers Fernando Perito and Rogelio Cantoria filed a plunder case against former president Noynoy Aquino, former DILG Sec. Mar Roxas, Sen. Leila De Lima, former BSP Gov. Amando Tetangco Jr, former Finance Secretary Cesar Purisima, and former Senate President Franklin Drilon for the alleged unlawful transfer of Marcos gold deposits in Switzerland to a bank in Thailand. But journalists discovered the complaint was based on a fake news online article. Noynoy Aquino said it was “black propaganda.” The LP said it was “laughable.” Vitaliano Aguirre said, “Testing lang. Baka sakaling makalusot.”
__________________________________________________________________________________
“It happens; incompetence is rewarded more often than not.”
~Jeff Lindsay, ‘Darkly Dreaming Dexter’

Sound Bites
“I promised myself NO NEGA POST FOR 2017. Pero tangnanaman! Mocha in MTRCB?”
~John Lapuz, host/actor

Exactly our thoughts.

Twitter Explodes
Here are some of the most brutally honest but funny reactions to Mocha Uson’s MTRCB appointment.

1. Last year, performing artist, Eva Marie Poon, sister of singer Richard Poon, was just one of several Filipinos online who saw this moment coming.

1evamariepon

2. We feel you Parvati.

1teztikels

3. Harsh!

1watdahel_marcel

4. Who knows, ‘di ba? Posible!

1overseer

5. Nadali Mo!

1mo

6. This scene from an Angel Locsin film is just fulfilling.

1mnanicas

And finally, one of the first memes to appear when Mocha’s appointment was announced:

1logo

What a time to be alive!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

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