WELCOME!


THE GOOD NEWS is the world’s 7 billionth baby was born on October 31. The bad news is the person who did the head count died of exhaustion this morning.

The United Nations announced the birth of the world’s 7 billionth baby. Mar Roxas wants a recount.

A Filipina became the mother of the world’s symbolic 7 billionth baby yesterday. Today, Sen. Tito Sotto demanded to see the baby’s birth certificate.

Yahoo! News reported that the United Nations marked October 31 with a series of symbolic 7-billionth babies being born. Baby Danica May Camacho of the Philippines was the first. Take that China!


As I correctly predicted last October 17, the world’s (symbolic) 7 billionth baby will be born in Manila’s Fabella Memorial Hospital. What I failed to predict though was that the event will be sponsored by Goldilocks.

Baby Danica May Camacho was welcomed with a chocolate cake from the United Nations. What an unhealthy start!

Several symbolic 7 billionth babies were welcomed by mothers of different nationalities. Surprisingly, not one of those moms was Nadya Suleman.

This just in: World population will have to remain at 7 billion until experts have decided who the real 7 billionth human is!

Undas 2011
As of 3PM, Tuesday, police put the crowd estimate at the Manila North Cemetery at 1 million 100 thousand (1.1M). So far, everbody has been cooperative to authorities… except for the one million one hundred thousandth person who is demanding a chocolate cake from UN.

At 54 hectares, the Manila North Cemetery is one of the country’s biggest cemeteries. To give you an idea of how huge it is, one side is controlled by the Manila police; the opposite side is controlled by the MILF.

The Philippine National Police says the observance of Undas 2011 is “generally peaceful.” The PNP’s assessment of the peace and order situation this year is generally rehash.

Donations
A week after Malacañang admitted donating 5 million pesos to the MILF, palace officials confirmed reports that the government plans to donate some P31 million in livelihood assistance to the Alex Boncayao Brigade, a breakaway Communist group. Being enemies of the state has never been this rewarding. So if you want to rebel against the government, now is the time.

Abu Sayyaf
Despite the All Saints Day break, the military says it will not stop its offensive against the Abu Sayyaf Group until the terrorists are eliminated. Unfazed, the Abu Sayyaf Group says it will not stop its offensive against the military until it receives donation from Malacañang.

Reports say Malaysian Jemaah Islamiyah leader Zulkipli bin Hir alias Marwan, could have been killed in an airstrike in Indanan, Sulu last Sunday. But the military is still verifying the report, or as Sen. Tito Sotto would say, “Death certificate muna.”

The Ligots
The National Bureau of Investigation failed to locate former military comptroller Jacinto Ligot & wife, Erlinda. But NASA believes the couple landed somewhere in the Pacific.

Former AFP comptroller Jacinto Ligot & wife, Erlinda couldn’t be located by the NBI. Apparently, they haven’t checked Marlene Aguilar’s basement.

(Breaking News: The Ligots surfaced Wednesday at the Court of Tax Appeal.)

Charice’ Dad
Charice Pempengco’s father Ricky Pempengco was stabbed to death in San Pedro, Laguna Monday night. The international singing sensation and her mother Raquel are seeking all-out justice while Ricky Pempengco’s relatives have declared an all-out war against them.

Kim & Kris
After only 72 days, reality TV star Kim Kardashian is filing for divorce from her NBA husband, Kris Humphries. Kim made the decision after she discovered that Kris withdrew 5 million from their joint account.
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“Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.”
~ Sam Levenson


Quotes of the Week
“Hindi kami makapaniwala na may kinalaman nga siya, hangga’t hindi napapatunayan, beyond reasonable doubt, na ginawa nga niya ang ibinibintang sa kanya. Hindi pa man naililibing ang isa, isinasangkot naman ang isa pa. Gayunpaman, kung sinuman ang tunay na may kagagawan nito, kahit sino pa siya, dapat siyang managot.”
~Sen. Bong Revilla after the arrest of Ramon Joseph Bautista (Revilla) who was being tagged as the mastermind in the killing of his older brother Ram Revilla last Friday

“They may want to pay their respects to their dead. It is, after all, a tradition…”
~ NBI deputy director for intelligence serviceS, Atty. Ruel Lasala on the Ligots’ failure to surface despite the pending arrest warrants

You Have Spoken
Sa isyu ng 5 milyong pisong “donasyon” ng pamahalaang Aquino sa MILF:
-Pinapa-account naman ng administrasyon kung saan ginastos eh. Malay n’yo sa napag-usapang proyekto naman napunta! 8.67%
-Kalaban ng gobyerno, pinopondohan ng gobyerno ang proyekto? Astig huh! 82.08%
-Aalamin ko muna ang isyu. 9.25%

Have a great week! Merry Christmas!

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2009 PREDICTIONS

Top 15 Predicted Scandals and Controversies of 2009

15: Vicki Belo admits “huge crush” on BJ “Tolits” Forbes; young actor’s mom alerts Bantay Bata

14: Amid mounting criticisms, Manny Pacquiao moves up from lightweight to heavyweight; Bob Arum eyes multi-million dollar bout against Vladimir Klitschko

13: Optical Media Board detects melamine and excessive amount of lead in pirated DVDs from China; massive raids in Quiapo, Metrowalk, St. Francis Square, and Makati Cinema Square set

12: Bus operators seek court’s TRO against MMDA Chairman Bayani Fernando’s new memorandum circular requiring the installation of urinals aboard buses

11. Communist leader Jose Ma. Sison finally returns home and joins the celebrity edition of Pinoy Big Brother to re-launch his career and to entice more recruits!

10: PLDT and Smart CEO Manny V. Pangilinan officially launches Pink Mobile – the first and only pre-paid network for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenders.

9: ABS-CBN announces bid for 2010 elections; Ted and Korina to lead nominees of Kapamilya Party-list Group

8: Sen. Mar Roxas denounces favoritism and censorship as he is barred from speaking by fellow opposition leaders in 2009’s biggest anti-Charter Change rally in Makati City

7: Recession finally hits home as Divisoria’s 168 and Tutuban malls shut down operations due to poor sales

6: 2010 Polls: Newly-formed Moral Revolution Party picks JDV and JDV III for president and vice president respectively; Jun Lozada banners senatorial slate

5: Abused by their employer, two Filipina maids in Pasig City seek help from Sen. Manuel Villar but the senator declines as the identity of the employer is revealed: Princess Revilla.

4: Justice Sec. Raul Gonzales Sr. is diagnosed with advanced Alzheimer’s but refuses to step down. To keep his post, he threatens to fight all the way up to the Supreme Court, and tells his detractors to just “jump into Pasig River.”

3: Two coups in two chambers: Lito Lapid is new Senate president; House installs Mikey Arroyo as Speaker

2: Diarrhea downs First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo anew. But in a surprising and totally bizarre twist, the “diarrhea” calls for a press con, denies culpability, and brands Attorney Arroyo “a liar.”

And the No. 1 predicted scandal of 2009…

1: Arroyo government agrees to ratify revised memorandum of agreement on land ownership with MILF rebels. Peace panel member Nasser Pangandaman Sr. says the controversial new pact shall cover only the country’s 10 largest golf courses.

Happy New Year!

Personal: Thanks again to Jove of TV5 for this ahem, recognition(?).
__________

Never make predictions, especially about the future.
~ Casey Stengel

RELAX, SEE A MOVIE

Top 20 Movie Casting Choices That Were Meant to Be 2

20: ex-Sen. Ramon Revilla Sr.: Staying Alive

19: Vicki Belo & Ellen Lising: House of Wax

18: DOJ Sec. Raul Gonzales: The Jerk

17: Sen. Antonio Trillanes: Chasing Liberty

16: Tim Yap/DJ Montano: Close Encounters of the Third Kind

15: Mrs. Rose Flaminiano: Super Size Me

14: The Gucci Gang with the special participation of Ms. Nora Aunor: Romancing the Stone

13: Shell, Petron, and Caltex: Liar Liar

12: ABS-CBN News’ Maria Ressa: The Punisher

11: Nadia Montenegro: Grease

10: Doña Mary Ejercito: 10,000 BC

9: Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada: The Man Who Knew Too Much

8: Sen. Lito Lapid: Artificial Intelligence

7: ex-Sen. John Osmeña: Girl, Interrupted

6: (tie) MILF’s Kumander Bravo and Umbra Kato: Psycho and Jose “Joey” De Venecia III: V for Vendetta

5: Panfilo Lacson and Jamby Madrigal: Sister Act

4: Sen. Manuel Villar: Two for the Road

3: Sens. Loren Legarda & Edgardo Angara: An Inconvenient Truth

2: Claudio Teehankee Jr.: While You Were Sleeping

And the No. 1 movie casting choice that was meant to be…

1: Sen. Francis Pangilinan: Unfaithful

See also The Top 20 Movie Casting Choices That Were Meant to Be

GAME OVER


Mindanao Conflict
Reports say the military has captured at least 15 camps of the Moro Islamic Liberation Front in Central Mindanao. The largest of the 15, located in Maguindanao is known as Camp Vietnam and is equipped with watchtowers and an obstacle course… further fueling speculations the rebels are now secretly training their own contingent for the 2012 London Olympics.

Postscript to Beijing
The Beijing Olympics is officially over. London is preparing now for the staging of the quadrennial games in 2012. Michael Phelps is preparing to equal his eight gold medal-haul; Usain Bolt is preparing to break his century dash record, and Peping Cojuangco of the Philippine Olympic Committee is preparing for the barrage of criticisms, insults, and backbiting when he arrives in Manila.

Pacquiao on Pinoy Athletes
Manny Pacquiao is reportedly saddened by our athletes’ monumental failure in the Beijing Olympics… but is nonetheless relieved that nobody would collect his promised incentive of one million pesos.

Good Work
The Chinese government praised its entire police force for keeping the Beijing Olympics secure and peaceful. The cops find the commendation unusual because normally, they only receive praises when they shoot Tibetan protesters.

Briefly Noted:
The Inquirer and the Flag Carrier

Yesterday, August 24, Inquirer sports editor Teddyvic Melendrez wrote that Miguel Molina was “robbed” of the chance to carry the Philippine flag during the opening of the Beijing Olympics. Melendrez had written a week ago that Molina was “unceremoniously dispossessed of the honor by Manny Pacquiao.” The rest of the world is talking about winning medals and yet, Filipinos are still bickering over who should have carried the flag. Petty.

Tabloid Offices Robbed
At least 10 unidentified motorcycle-riding men brandishing handguns and shotguns robbed the offices of two tabloids – Remate and Tiktik in Port Area, Manila before dawn today. The robbers carted away P160,000 from Tiktik, P20,000 from Remate… and from both offices, the final drafts of several sleazy advice columns that were scheduled to be published next week.

Annabelle Rama vs. GMA 7
Feisty talent manager Annabelle Rama is fuming mad over GMA7’s decision to stage the post-birthday blowout show of Marian Rivera and Dingdong Dantes on Wednesday, August 27 at the Araneta Coliseum, the same day her son Richard and KC Concepcion’s movie will open. Rama has threatened to transfer his sons Richard and Raymond to ABS-CBN to which Gabby Lopez allegedly said, “Richard? Sure, why not? Raymond? Hmmm… Piolo, Sam, Uma, Eric Santos, Jed Madela… let me check huh if we still have room for one more.”

SICK


Long Holiday
Residents of Metro Manila are taking advantage of the three-day weekend by going out of the city for rest and recreation. It’s also the best time for Filipinos to visit the provinces while they’re still part of the Philippines.

President, Sick?
Reports say a combination of dinuguan and bilu-bilo downed President Arroyo last week. Militant congressmen are filing a bill to officially name both dinuguan and bilu-bilo “mga pambansang pagkain ng Pilipinas.”

President Arroyo attended a barangay fiesta in Lubao, Pampanga on Saturday dismissing rumors she was struck with an illness. In fact, just to prove she was as healthy as ever, the president gamely participated in the indigenous games held at the fiesta. Wearing a hula skirt… pumayag siyang maging sipa.

CPP-MILF Alliance
Self-exiled communist leader Jose Maria Sison proposed an alliance between the CPP-NPA and the Moro Islamic Liberation Front. MILF leaders vowed to consider the proposal on one condition – that both groups would have equal number of representatives in Congress.

Plaza Miranda Bombing
August 21, 2008 marks the 31st anniversary of the Plaza Miranda bombing. The CPP-NPA will also be celebrating on that day as it marks the 31st year of denying it had a hand in the bombing.

PDEA Watch List
A Philippine Daily Inquirer report says a grandson of a former president and a male multimedia personality are on the watch list of the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency for cocaine and ecstasy abuse and dependency. When Borgy Manotoc read the article, he immediately phoned Imee Marcos and asked, “Mom, is lolo a former a president?”

PDEA Watch List II
A Philippine Daily Inquirer report says a grandson of a former president and a male multimedia personality are on the watch list of the Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency for cocaine and ecstasy abuse and dependency. When Tim Yap read the article, he exclaimed, “Malinis ang konsensya ko. Hindi dating pangulo ang aking lolo. At lalo namang hindi ako ‘yong multimedia personality. Look! It’s says there o, male. Hello?!?”