LET THERE BE LIGHT (2011)

ANOTHER DOSE of Light Bulb Jokes. Enjoy!

Q: How many President Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to blame the Arroyo administration for the burnt bulb.

Q: How many President Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, because there are at least three defective light bulbs that give him a headache.

Q: How many President Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. He’ll ask the Vice President to change it.

Q: How many Jejomar Binays does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. But first, he’ll do a public consultation to determine whether the light bulb should be changed or not.

Q: How many Leila De Limas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change it, and four others to compose a special task force that will investigate why the old light bulb burnt out.

Q: How many Abigail Valtes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and another to defend the accomplishment – in case Cong. Mitos Magsaysay questions it.

Q: How many Attorney Edwin Lacierdas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It doesn’t matter. What’s important is, at the end of the day, the old bulb is replaced.

Q: How many Cotabato City mayors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. But he won’t do it. Instead he’ll pass on the task to the national government.

Q: How many Filipino teachers and pupils does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One teacher to change it and 60 pupils to say, “Good work Miss De Los Reyes!”

Q: How many members of the defunct PAOCTF does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to give instructions, one to change it, one to shoot the old bulb, and one to destroy the evidence of the shooting.

Q: How many Merceditas Gutierrezes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: She won’t! There’s insufficient evidence that the light bulb needs to be changed.

Q: How many Ninoy and Cory loyalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to change it, and a million to chant, “Tama na! Pundido na! Palitan na!”

Q: How many Jose Rizals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. But his books about darkness will inspire a secret society to change it.

Q: How many Manny Pacquiaos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “Bakit ku gawin ‘yan? Nasa Buy-bul ba ‘yan?”

Q: How many Gloria Macapagal-Arroyos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four, maybe. The ceiling is too high.

Q: How many Samar & Balay members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There’s no way you could force them to change a light bulb together.

Q: How many Jamby Madrigals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: She doesn’t know how. She doesn’t eat bulbs.

Q: How many Jejomar Binays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Why would he? He’s not afraid of the dark.

Q: How many UP students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to change it, and one to blog about the experience.

Q: How many Ateneo students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: “Yaya, can you make palit na the bumbilya sa sala?”

Q: How many La Salle students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What’s a light bulb?

Q: How many Sharon Cunetas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to hold the ladder. Careful.

Q: How many Annabelle Ramas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Magkano dung?

Q: How many oil companies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Oil companies prefer screwing the public.

Q: How many Kris Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change, and another to tell the whole world about it.

And finally…
Q: How many Tulfos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “Tarantado! Hindi namin trabaho ‘yan. Punyeta ka! Gago!”

In the News…
Of the five highest officials of the land, Vice President Jejomar Binay is the most trusted according to the latest Pulse Asia survey. Binay got an approval rating of 83 percent. The rest or 17 percent knew better.

GMA vs. Aquino
Administration allies slammed former president, and now Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo for saying that the government was “leaderless.” I think Filipinos would get used to it though. After all, we survived nine years of a government that was shameless.
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“In the beginning there was nothing. God said, “Let there be light!” And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.”
~Ellen DeGeneres

Today is June 27th…
On this day in 2005, then President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo admitted to calling a Comelec official (whom she did not identify) during the May 2004 presidential elections. She called it a “lapse in judgment” and apologized for it.

Separated At Birth?
Sen. Panfilo Lacson and his BFF, former police Senior Supt. Michael Ray Aquino.

Quote of the Weak
“Ito ay isang malinaw na insulto sa ating Civil Code at sa katuruan ng Simbahang Katolika! Kawawa naman ang mga taong ito! Wala nang kinikilalang Diyos! Wala na rin silang paggalang sa kanilang sarili! Dapat na matigil ang kahibangang ito! Ang mga nagpakasal at nagkasal ay mayroong mga problema sa pag-iisip.”
~Catholic Bishop Carlito Cenzon reacting to reports that pastors of the Metropolitan Community Church of Metro Baguio officiated the wedding of at least eight gay couples in Baguio City last June 25

You Have Spoken
Isang taon matapos maluklok sa puwesto, ano ang grado mo sa administrasyong Aquino?
-Great! Ipagpatuloy n’yo ‘yan! 2.95%
-Very good! 5.9%
-Puwede na! 31.94%
-Bagsak! 59.21%

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Have a great week!

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