PRRRT! LISENSYA!

Cop: Alam mo ba kung bakit ka namin pinara?

Motorist: Dahil Biyernes ngayon at kailangan n’yo ng pang-inom mamayang gabi?

1trafficPHILSTAR
Fifth
The Philippines, according to a recent report, has the fifth worst traffic situation in the world. If it’s any consolation, we’re under the “non-fatal” category.

The Police
Starting this week, burly officers of the PNP-Highway Patrol Group will be deployed to manage traffic in the metro. Expect to see those cops on EDSA especially during rush hour. Or as they would probably call it, “happy hour.”

The Police II
The PNP-Highway Patrol Group has been designated as lead traffic law enforcement agency on EDSA. Some motorists describe it as “unsettling” while some MMDA traffic enforcers call it, “loss of extra income.”

123rfdotcom
Scenarios
Cop: Alam mo ba kung bakit ka namin pinara?

Motorist: Dahil Biyernes ngayon at kailangan n’yo ng pang-inom mamayang gabi?

Cop:

Motorist: Joke lang boss. Ganito lang talaga ako. Mapagbiro.

* * * * *

Cop: Prrrt! Lisensya!

Motorist: Lisensya agad? ‘Di ba pwedeng mag-hi muna?

Cop:

Motorist: Hi! Hehe Grabe ka namang makasimangot sir. Heto na nga, hinahanap na.

* * * * *

Cop: Prrrrrt! Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinahinto?!

Motorist: Ano ‘to? Quiz? Magmumulta kapag ‘di nakasagot???!

Cop:

Motorist: Ay! May No U-Turn sign pala. Sensya na sir. Malabo lang ang mata.

1qinteristingdotcom

Cop: Prrrt! Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinara?!?

Motorist: Oo naman! Magkano ba?

Cop:

Motorist: Sorry! ‘Yong kahapon kasi nagsabi agad ng presyo. Akala ko ikaw ‘yon.

* * * * *

Cop: Prrrt! Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinara?!?

Motorist: Alam mo bang less ang abala kung sasabihin mo na agad kung bakit?

Cop:

Motorist: Beating the red light sir. Sorry, naka-green pa kanina eh. Ang bagal kasi ng nasa unahan.

* * * * *

Cop: Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinahinto?!?

Motorist: Dahil a-kinse ngayon at kakasuweldo ko lang?

Cop:

Motorist: Pero opinyon ko lang ‘yan sir. Ewan ko sa opinyon mo. Kanya-kanya lang ‘yan.

* * * * *

Cop: Prrrt! Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinara?!?

Motorist: Dahil ‘di mo alam na uncle ko ang mayor dito?

Cop:

Motorist: Well actually, uncle talaga s’ya ng best friend ko. So, heto ang lisensya ko.

1iconshotdotcom

Cop: Prrrt! Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinahinto?!?

Motorist: Ikaw ‘tong nanghuli, ba’t ako ang tatanungin mo?!

Cop:

Motorist: Grabe ka namang makatingin sir! Nagi-explain lang. Chill.

* * * * *

Cop: Prrrt! Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinara?!?

Motorist: Trick question! Hindi mo naman ako pinara eh. Hinuli mo ako!

Cop:

Motorist: Lisensya ko sir. Ready na. Hehe

* * * * *

Cop: Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinara?!

Motorist: May iba pa bang rason? Eh ‘di mangongotong!

Cop:

Motorist: Preemptive measure lang sir. Kung hindi ka mangongotong, eh ‘di mabuti.

* * *

Cop: Prrrt! Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinara?!

Motorist: Yup! Dahil nag-swerve ako. But in my defense, may pulubing tumawid. Iniwasan ko ito kaya napilitan akong mag-swerve. Otherwise, mababangga ko ‘yong pulubi, mamamatay siya, makakasuhan ako ng reckless imprudence resulting in homicide, at masisira ang buhay ko. Nakapatay na nga ako, masisira pa ang buhay ko, nasaan ang fairness do’n? Kaya kung ako sa ‘yo sir, palalampasin ko na lang ang ginawa ko para hindi ka makunsensya in the future.

Cop:

Motorist: Fine! *hands over license* Basta ‘pag nasira ang buhay ko, ikaw ang sisisihin ko sir!

* * * * *

Cop: Prrrt! Lisensya!

Motorist: *hands over license*

Cop: *checks license*

Motorist:

Cop: Mayor!!! Sorry, ‘di kita agad nakilala. Ingat kayo sir, madulas ang daan.

1Dreamstim

Cop: Prrrt! Alam mo ba kung bakit kita pinara?

Motorist: Dahil wala akong choice! Pulis ka, nakauniporme, malaki ang katawan, may motorsiklong panghabol, may baril. Tell me, may choice ba ako?!?!

Cop:

Motorist: *hands over license* May point naman ako sir ‘di ba?
————————————————————————————————————————————————
“Leave sooner, drive slower, live longer.”
~Author Unknown

Sound Bites
“That is the clear direction, implementing an effective traffic law enforcement. The primary consideration here is to clear the choke points.”
~Palace spokesman Sonny Coloma

“I don’t think that is possible. No one has talked to me and I am definitely not interested. Definitely out of my psyche. What I am only focused now is the senatorial. Anything beyond that will not happen. Anything beyond that I am not ready.”
~Justice Sec. Leila De Lima on reports she’s being considered for the VP post

Have a great weekend! #WorthTheWait

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philstar.com, Iconshut.com, Qinteristing.com, 123RF.com; Dreamstime.com]

BISHOPS, BILLIONS, BASKETBALL

LINGAYEN-DAGUPAN Archbishop Socrates ‘Soc’ Villegas was elected president of the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines. The purple smoke that emerged from the chimney of the Pope Pius XII Catholic Center in Paco signaled the election of CBCP’s new president. The purple smoke was produced by burning a copy of the RH Law.


In a homily last year, Archbishop Soc Villegas said, “My dear youth, contraception is corruption.” Nag-condom lang, corruption kaagad? ‘Di ba pwedeng careful lang muna?

Of the newly-elected CBCP president, Archbishop Emeritus Oscar Cruz said, “One thing is certain… Villegas will not keep quiet.” You taught him well.

Simple Life
Pope Francis says bishops and nuns must choose “humble” cars and shun flashy ones. To which, Filipino bishops replied, “Ang KJ huh!”

Traffic!
According to a study conducted by the Japan International Cooperation Agency, the Philippines is losing 2.4 billion pesos in potential income a day because of traffic jams. Dan Brown sort of feels vindicated.

Because of monstrous traffic congestion, the Philippines is reportedly losing billions of pesos in income per day. But that’s nothing compared to millions of Filipinos who are losing patience, hope, and sanity on the road everyday.

Nursing Exam
Almost 22,000 examinees flunked the recent licensure exam for nurses. Related: BPO industry bullish on growth this year

Wimbledon
Britain’s Andy Murray won the Wimbledon men’s singles championship. Before Murray, the last Brit to win the title was Frederick John Perry in 1936! It’s been that long. To give you an idea of how long it was, Juan Ponce Enrile was still in Grade 6 when that happened.

1UAAP Season 76
For the first time in 19 years, the Ateneo Blue Eagles started the UAAP season with a 0-3 win-loss slate. The Blue Eagles are now in the bottom of the standings – or as the UP Fighting Maroons would call it, “hangout.”

The Fighting Maroons were in fact the first team to absorb three straight losses this season. To be fair to Ateneo, it is just being consistent… in chasing UP.

Last July 7, the De La Salle Green Archers beat the Ateneo Blue Eagles. After the game, Ateneo alum and presidential communications secretary Ricky Carandang tweeted, “Congratulations La Salle. Enjoy it while you can because it won’t last long.” Some irate La Sallians replied, “Talk about your post!”

Optimistic
According to the latest Social Weather Stations Survey, 39 percent of Filipinos remain optimistic. The rest were Ateneans.

The latest SWS study revealed 39 percent of Filipinos expect a better quality of life this year. Maynilad and Manila Water Company executives said, “Kami rin!”
—————————————————————-
“Do you wish to rise? Begin by descending. You plan a tower that will pierce the clouds? Lay first the foundation of humility.”
~ St. Augustine of Hippo

Sound Bites
“A car is necessary to do a lot of work, but please, choose a more humble one. If you like the fancy one, just think about how many children are dying of hunger in the world.”
~Pope Francis to priests and nuns

Have a great week!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Inquirer.net and ABSCBNNews.Com]