THE MANALOs HAVE SPOKEN. The bloc-voting religious sect Iglesia ni Cristo endorsed the candidacy of Sen. Noynoy Aquino. Hours before the official announcement was made, Noynoy was really nervous. In fact, he had to smoke two packs of cigarettes to calm his nerves,.
The Iglesia ni Cristo has endorsed the candidacy of Noynoy Aquino for president. The official announcement was made by INC executives yesterday (Wednesday) while the unofficial announcement was made by Kris Aquino on “The Buzz” last Sunday.
The Iglesia ni Cristo has endorsed the presidential bid of Noynoy Aquino. The INC is now the second most powerful endorser of Noynoy… next only to ABS-CBN.
The Iglesia ni Cristo is endorsing the candidacy of Noynoy Aquino. The INC is now the second most influential endorser of Noynoy… next only to Pulse Asia, and SWS.
The bloc-voting religious sect Iglesia ni Cristo endorsed the candidacy of Noynoy Aquino. According to a source of the Philippine Daily Inquirer, the choice was made based on a “survey” of INC members ‘with a mandate from heaven’ – probably the same heaven that ‘guided’ the INC in choosing the likes of Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo in 2004 and Joseph Estrada in 1998.
A Philippine Daily Inquirer source revealed that the Iglesia ni Cristo’s choice of Sen. Noynoy Aquino for president was made after conducting a “survey” among INC members – a revelation that further incensed Sen. Richard Gordon.
The Iglesia ni Cristo has also announced its 12 picks for senator. The list includes Bong Revilla and Lito Lapid! [No need for a punch line.]
The bloc-voting sect Iglesia ni Cristo endorsed Sen. Mar Roxas for vice president. Rumors say a disappointed Jejomar Binay called up a high-ranking INC official to ask why he didn’t get the endorsement. The INC official replied, “Bloc voting po ang isinusulong namin, hindi black voting.”
God’s (Different) Choices?
Gilbert Teodoro has the support of Pastor Quiboloy.
The Iglesia ni Cristo is endorsing Noynoy.
The Jesus is Lord Movement is solid behind Bro. Eddie Villanueva.
The CBCP endorses JC De Los Reyes.
And the El Shaddai Movement is reportedly backing the presidential bid of Manny Villar.
Some theologians are now convinced – God must really be a woman.
Tanong ng bayan: Sa harap ng sunud-sunod na endorsements mula sa mga ‘sugo ng kalangitan,’ bakit wala pa yatang nag-i-endorso kay Rey Langit?
This just in! Unconfirmed reports say Erap and Binay are expecting the endorsement of an unidentified Islamic group. You know, they tolerate polygamy.
No. 5: “Lord, this is Dick Gordon. Akala ko ba pantay-pantay ang tingin mo sa aming lahat? Eh bakit ka ganyan? Meron kang kinikilingan. Meron kang pinu-protektahan. Meron kang kandidatong sinusuportahan. Kapag ganyan ka pa rin sa ‘kin sa susunod na eleksyon, hihingi na ‘ko ng TRO sa korte para pigilan ang endorsements mo! Hindi ka na fair eh.”
No. 4: “God, this is Krissy. Gosh! You’re so bait talaga. Promise! Always take care of Mom and Dad huh. And Ka Erdy too. Gosh! I’m blushing right now God. Kashe, close na tayo. ‘Di ba Boy? Aha-ha-ha!”
No. 3: “Panginoon, this is JC De Los Reyes. Verify ko lang po kung ako talaga ang choice ng CBCP. Para kasing hindi naniniwala ang mga tao sa kanila eh.”
No. 2: “Hi Lord. Si Manny Villar po ‘to. ‘Pag ‘di ko nakuha ang endorsement ng El Shaddai, tandaan mo po, ‘di na kita papaniwalaan. At ‘di lang ‘yan! Kapag ‘di ako inendorse ni Brother Mike, hinding-hindi ka na po puwedeng dumaan sa C-5 kahit kailan! Tandaan mo po ‘yan!”
And the No. 1 message left on God’s answering machine…
“Papa Jesus, si Noynoy po ito. Thank you Papa Jesus for all the blessings. Alam mo Papa Jesus, you were my strength when I was weak. ‘Tsaka Papa Jesus, you were my voice when I couldn’t speak. You were my eyes when I couldn’t see, and you saw the best there was in me. How can I forget Papa Jesus, (you) lifted me up when I couldn’t reach and you gave me faith ‘coz you believed. Basta, Papa Jesus, I’m everything I am, because you loved me.”
Oops, there’s one stray message left on God’s answering machine!
“Hello, God test. God test. Hello? God test. Wala lang. Testing lang kung totoong may sasagot. Sanga pala, si Joma Sison ‘to.”
Manny Villar is likewise against the postponement of the elections… mainly because it would only give his rivals more time to throw more dirt at him.
Gilbert Teodoro also opposes the postponement of the polls… mainly because he’s so eager to find out if Pastor Quiboloy’s group really practices bloc voting.
But Richard Gordon, Eddie Villanueva, and Nicanor Perlas are in favor of postponing the May 10 polls… mainly because they’re not prepared to lose yet.
Meanwhile, Jamby Madrigal has not released any statement on this issue. And we really don’t care!
Korina: Not True
Korina Sanchez held a press conference to deny online reports that she got booed at the concert of Tears for Fears. The vice presidentiable’s wife claims she neither noticed nor heard any booing… mainly because she was too busy posing before the cameras while flashing the Laban sign.
Korina Sanchez denied reports that she got booed at the Tears for Fears concert last Sunday. Well, it’s either TJ Manotoc was telling the truth or Korina Sanchez was deaf.
“I always distrust people who know so much about what God wants them to do to their fellows.”
~Susan B. Anthony
Your final and sure choice for president:
Noynoy AQUINO 31.9%
JC DE LOS REYES 0.2%
Joseph ESTRADA 0.7%
Dick GORDON 22%
Jamby MADRIGAL 0.9%
Nick PERLAS 1.4%
Gilbert TEODORO 36.3%
Eddie VILLANUEVA 1.4%
Manny VILLAR 5.2%
We have a new survey. Please vote now.
From the online edition of Newsbreak: How the INC was won
More from Newsbreak: Religious endorsements
Countdown to the May 10 elections: Apat na tulog na lang!