GETTING HOT IN HERE

Summer is off to a sizzling start!

GOOD NEWS and bad news for LP standard bearer Mar Roxas. The latest survey puts him in second place. The bad news is three others are statistically tied for first.

1INQ
According to the latest survey conducted by Standard Today, the race for president has “become tighter.” Grace Poe is still leading with 26 percent followed by Mayor Duterte with 24 percent. Vice President Binay drops to third place with 23 percent while Mar Roxas came in fourth with 22 percent. The survey has a margin of error of plus or minus Senator Miriam’s rating.

Top Spender
A PCIJ report reveals Cong. Ferdinand Martin Romualdez of Leyte, who is running for senator, has spent more than half a BILLION pesos on pre-campaign political ads alone. And Imelda Marcos was like, “Pamangkin nga kita.”

Top Spender II
Leyte Rep. Ferdinand Martin Romualdez has spent more than half a BILLION pesos on pre-campaign ads. Talk about full Yolanda recovery.

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Para-paraan
Broadcaster Korina Sanchez was heavily criticized for joining DA officials on stage during the distribution of agriculture funds and equipment in Davao, North Cotabato, and Pampanga recently. Apparently, Malacañang forgot to publicly announce Korina’s appointment as Agriculture undersecretary.

Summer
Summer is here again and people have started to complain about the heat. Some envy vice presidential candidate Gringo Honasan because in UNA’s campaign sorties, he gets to stand next to something shady.

Summer II
Summer is here! Mar Roxas is sweating a lot more as election approaches.

Summer III
Summer is off to a sizzling start! Even expelled INC minister Lowell Menorca couldn’t stand the heat, he left the country.

Denial
Presidential candidate Grace Poe has categorically denied The Daily Tribune’s report she used a fake social security number (005-03-1988) in acquiring a real estate property in the US. Netizens were shocked: “There’s a Daily Tribune?!??

Sentenced
An Iranian billionaire was sentenced to death for corruption. Said Vice President Binay, “Thank God I’m a Filipino!”

Zika
Reports say the Zika virus may be “sexually-transmitted.” Congratulations, you are safe!

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@Peace Now
Ray Tomlinson, the inventor of email has died at the age of 74. Returned to sender.
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“When one with honeyed words but evil mind
Persuades the mob, great woes befall the state.”

~Euripides, Orestes

Sound Bites
“There were millions of people you could potentially reach.”
~Ray Tomlinson, Inventor of the email

Drink plenty of water.

[Photos: Presidentiables: Inquirer.net; Korina Sanchez: Manila Bulletin; Ray Tomlinson: BBC]

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

SHOTS FIRED

IN AN APPARENT DIG at senator Grace Poe, Vice President Binay says the country needs leaders with “experience and competence.”

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IN AN APPARENT DIG at senator Grace Poe, Vice President Binay says the country needs leaders with “experience and competence.” Which begs the question, “Why did you let Nancy run?”

“Honest”
Reacting to Vice President Binay’s statement, neophyte senator Grace Poe says it is also important to have “honest leaders.” The Vice President and his UNA spokespersons have yet to respond. Rumors say they’re busy looking up the meaning of the word “honest” in the dictionary – which, some people believe is not in their vocabulary.

Poe-Roxas
Some members of the ruling Liberal Party are reportedly open to the possibility of Mar Roxas sliding down to run for vice president again. There’s no word yet from Korina Sanchez if she’s open to the possibility of becoming an ex-future first lady again.

1ERPoe-Escudero
While LP stalwarts are pushing for a Poe-Roxas tandem, other LP members wanted a Poe-Escudero ticket. Everybody wants to run with Poe. And the party is obviously divided. In contrast, there’s nothing but harmony within the Binay camp. There’s no first choice or second choice for a running mate. Nobody wants to run with the Vice President.

Rematch?
If Mar Roxas decides to run for president, it will be a rematch of sorts between him and Jojo Binay in 2016. If you would recall, Roxas lost to Binay in 2010. Even Compubox scores showed Binay winning. Roxas would later admit in a press con that he was in pain and was actually hurting when he fought Binay. During the campaign, he sustained an injury called ‘NoyBititis.’

The Good Wife
Reports say former Makati City mayor Elenita Binay wants his husband, Vice President Binay to drop his bid for president. In other news, Mrs. Binay will appear as guest on “Celebrity Bluff.”

1ERHeat Index
The weather bureau cautions Metro Manila residents as they face another scorching week. It’s so hot these days, Makati City Hall employees had to gather beside filing cabinets where building contracts and other controversial deals were kept – just to be near something shady.

Heat Index II
The heat index is a measure of human comfort or discomfort due to the combined effects of heat and allegations of graft and corruption.

SALN
The net worth of each senator has been made public. It was based on the 2013 Statement of Assets and Liabilities. Otherwise known as Fiction Writing 101.

Richest
Sen. Cynthia Villar is the richest and only billionaire member of the Senate. She owns subdivisions, buildings, businesses, villages, and Manny Villar.

Jinggoy Estrada and Bong Revilla who are both facing plunder charges are the fourth and fifth richest members of the Senate. According to their SALN, the two senators’ total net worth was 375 million pesos. To which, taxpayers said, “You’re welcome.”

1ERFeminist?
[Have you seen Mad Max: Fury Road? You should!] A popular “men’s rights activist” blog is calling for a boycott of Mad Max: Fury Road saying the high-octane, post-apocalyptic action flick promotes feminist agenda. Which explains the movie’s working title: America’s Next Top Model – Cycle 22.

Going Local
Citing criticisms hurled at MJ Lastimosa’s Colombian-made gown in the 2014 Miss Universe pageant, Parañaque City Representative Eric Olivarez filed a bill seeking to require Filipino beauty queens to wear gowns created by local designers when competing in international pageants. In his bill, the congressman also mentioned that MJ’s national costume could have cost her the Miss Universe crown. Olivarez’s proposed measure is called “The Can’t Move On Act of 2015.”

1ER
When asked to comment on the “relevant” bill filed by Congressman Oivarez, his constituents replied, “Sino ‘yon?”

Fake Priest
The CBCP is warning Catholics about the activities of a fake priest who scammed parishioners in Luzon and Metro Manila. The fake priest officiates masses and solicits money. As opposed to real priests who officiate masses and solicit money.
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“To win the people, always cook them some savoury that pleases them.”
~Aristophanes, The Knights

Sound Bites
“I sincerely believe that the issue in this coming election—for the presidency particularly—is experience and competence.”
~Vice President Binay

“Tama naman s’ya. Kailangang may karanasan at kakayanan pero higit sa lahat, katapatan. Sa tingin ko naman hindi ang haba ng serbisyo ang kailangang batayan kung hindi kalidad ng serbisyo at katapatan.”
~Sen. Grace Poe

It’s Your Fault!
Is your residence near the earthquake fault? Here’s a list from Phivolcs /via GMA News. Be prepared!

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I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Poe/Binay/Roxas: Inquirer.Net; Chiz/Roxas: Inquirer.Net; Cartoon: PixShark.com; MJ Lastimosa: Interaksyon]

EXCLUSIVE: BINAY’S UMBRELLA BREAKS ITS SILENCE ON DASMA GATE

THE BINAY SIBLINGS, a mayor and a senator have spoken. The security agency, and the villagers have also released their respective statements. Today, we’ll hear from one of the witnesses whose name has been unfairly dragged into the Dasma Gate controversy.

Please welcome… ang PAYONG.

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Huwag na tayong magpaliguy-ligoy pa. Unang tanong: Kitang-kita ka sa CCTV nang gabing maganap ang insidente. Ano ang ginagawa mo ro’n?

Ang totoo po n’yan, natutulog ako sa likod ng kotse nang oras na ‘yon. Napagod kasi ako dahil halos maghapon akong ginamit. Nagulat na lang ako nang may dumampot sa akin. After a few seconds, katabi ko na ho si Mayor.

Umuulan ba ng gabing ‘yon o kaya umaambon man lang?

Hindi ho.

So bakit kailangang lumabas ka?

Itanong n’yo na lang ho kay Mayor. Ayaw kong mawalan ng trabaho eh.

Fine! Lagi ka bang ginagamit ni Mayor?

Pwede ho bang off-the-record na lang ang sasabihin ko?

Sige.

Lagi nga ho akong pinag-o-OT eh. Maging sa dinner o kaya sa shower, ultimo sa pagdumi niya, nakapayong pa! Ok lang ho ‘yong dinner o shower eh pero ‘yong pagtae, hindi ko kinakaya.

That’s really weird.

Kayo ho ang nagsabi n’yan.

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Anyway, ‘wag na nating pakialaman ang pribadong activities ng amo mo dahil labas na ang publiko d’yan. Balik tayo sa nangyari sa Dasma. Inuulan ngayon ng batikos si Mayor. Totoo bang sinabi niya sa mga security guards ang linyang, “Hindi n’yo ba ako nakikilala?”

Medyo unfair ho ang lumalabas sa balita eh. Edited na ho. Malisyoso! Ganito ho ang kumpletong pag-uusap na narinig ko:

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“Merry Christmas mga pards! Kasama ko si senadora sa kasunod na kotse. Nagmamadali lang kami. Makikiraan naman d’yan.”

“Sorry sir, pero bawal na ho talagang dumaan. Past 10 PM na. Patakaran ho ‘yan.”

“Nakikita mo ba ako?”

“Oho sir. Pero bawal talaga.”

“Sigurado ka bang nakikita mo ako?”

“Oo naman sir. May ilaw naman eh.”

“Sige nga. Kung talagang nakikita mo ako… lugar ba ako?”

“Hindi!”

“Bagay?”

“Hindi!”

“Hayop?”

“Pwede!”

“T*ng-ina ka ah. Binabastos mo ba ako?”

“Sir, kahit guard ho ako, nag-take naman ako ng Biology noong high school. Ang humans ay hayop din, right? RIGHT!”

‘k. Ituloy na natin! Pagkain ba ako?

“Hindi!”

“Anak ba ako ng pulitiko?”

“Oo!”

“Anak ba ako ng susunod na presidente?”

“Assuming!”

“Ulol! Member ba ako ng political dynasty?”

“Naman!”

“Gago ka ah! Oo o Hindi lang! Political dynasty ba kami?”

“Pass!”

“Sino ako?”

“Tanga ba kayo sir? Oo o Hindi questions lang!”

“Sorry naman. May kapatid ba akong senadora?”

“Sort of!”

“Tarantado! Anong sort of? Inuulit ko: may kapatid ba akong senadora?”

“Oo! Ayan nga ho, nakatayo sa likod ng kotse n’yo!”

“Padadaanin n’yo ba ako?

“Hindi!!! Naku! Time’s up na sir!”

“Ayaw n’yo talaga akong padaanin? Hindi n’yo ba ako nakikilala?”

“Sorry nga sir, tapos na ang 2 minutes eh.”

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Ibig sabihin, talagang binitiwan ng amo mo ang linyang, “Hindi n’yo ba ako nakikilala?”

To be fair ho kay Mayor, naabutan siya ng time bago niya itinanong ‘yon. So, hindi po counted.

Totoo bang kusa raw sumama sa Makati City Police Headquarters ang mga security guards?

May choice ba sila? Ayaw kong sagutin ‘yan. Mahirap na. Ang sarap-sarap ng buhay na tahimik ‘noh!

May nagpapatanong nga pala, bakit daw blue and white ka? Associated daw kay Mar Roxas ang blue. Mas bagay raw ang itim na payong kay Mayor.

Alam n’yo ho, ‘yan ang problema sa mga kritiko ng amo ko – masyadong pini-personal ang debate; pati hitsura, pinaglalaruan. May na-mention pang komedyanteng kamukha raw. Eh ‘di kayo na ang perfect! Pati kulay ng balat pinagdidiskitahan. That’s racism!

Racism agad-agad?

Sige… melaninism na lang! Hindi ho ikinakahiya ni Mayor na melanin-gifted siya. Kung may problema kayo sa balat n’ya, problema n’yo na ho ‘yon pero ‘wag n’yo itong gamiting isyu laban sa kanya. Masyado kayong namumulitika!

Ano’ng reaksyon mo sa pagkukumpara ng mga tao sa pagpapayong ni Mayor at ni dating First Lady Imelda Marcos?

Sumalangit nawa ang kaluluwa niya.

Sira-ulo! Buhay pa si Mrs. Marcos.

Buhay pa ba? Sorry. Hindi ko kasi naabutan ang pagpapayong niya noon. Tanungin mo na lang si Mayor. Mas familiar siguro s’ya.

Balik tayo sa insidente sa Dasma. Sa palagay mo ba ay tama ang naging asal ng iyong amo nang gabing ‘yon?

Merry Christmas nga ho pala! Marami ba kayong inaanak?

Again, inaamin mo bang mali nga si Mayor?

Grabe ho talaga ang nangyari sa NAIA Terminal 3! Wala talagang silbi ang mga pulis at ang DILG Secretary na ‘yan! Hoy Mr. Palengke, mag-resign ka na!

Huling tanong, bilang eyewitness sa pangyayari sa Banyan gate ng Dasmarinas Village, sa tingin mo ba ay mali ang naging asal ng amo mo?

Naku! I have to go na ho. May nag-text! “Dear Payong, Umuwi ka na. Natatae ako. – Mayor.” BYE!
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“The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it.”
~Lord Macaulay

Sound Bites
“I am saddened by the statement of the VP that he should have been given courtesy. No amount of need of courtesy will justify your willingness to kill a person just because he did not give you courtesy. You can’t demand courtesy by the barrel of a gun.”
~Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano on the Dasma Village incident

“I am not one who comments on every issue just to get publicity and to advance any political plans. At hindi ko ugaling manira ng ibang tao para lang malagay sa media.”
~Sen. Nancy Binay on Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano’s reaction to DasmaGate

“The sad fact is that people in power continue to find the need to flex muscle at the slightest opportunity, and take umbrage when crossed, and cry malice, cry persecution, when found out and exposed.”
~Philippine Daily Inquirer Editorial

Happy Holidays!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Philippine Daily Inquirer]