Modern Pick-up Lines for Filipinos

Sana si Antonio Tiu ka na lang?
I want you to own me.

Elevator ka ba sa Makati City Hall?
Bidder kasi ako. Gusto kong ma-trap inside you.

Makati City Hall Parking Building ka ba?
Sobra-sobra ka kasing magmahal!

Si Nancy Binay ka ba?
Kasi… lumalabas ang buwan at mga bituin kapag kasama kita.

Miss, alam mo bang para akong si Senator Trillanes?
Kasi… lagi akong ‘galit.’

Si Lito Lapid ka ba?
Kasi… you say it best when you say nothing at all.

Sana si BIR Commissioner Kim Henares ka na lang.
Para lagi kang nakabantay… ‘tapos hahabulin mo ako.

Sana sa MRT na lang tayo nakatira.
Para lagi tayong super close at halos ‘di na mapaghiwalay.

TT(Rated SPG)
Sana si Manny Pacquiao ka na lang.
Para patutumbahin mo ako, tapos magdi-dribble ka at magshu-shoot!

Sana EDSA ka na lang.
Para lagi kang masikip.

And finally…

Sana si Vice President Binay ka na lang.
Ay, ‘wag na lang pala. Ayoko na.

DESPITE RECENT tensions between China and the Philippines over disputed territories, President Aquino attended the APEC Summit in Beijing. The President says there’s no reason for him to skip the summit in the Chinese capital… unless it changes its name to ‘Tacloban.’

In Beijing, Russian president Vladimir Putin reportedly flirted with Chinese First Lady Peng Liyuan who was seated beside her husband. Putin just gave China a dose of its own medicine: disrespecting boundaries and occupying territories.

Russian president Vladimir Putin reportedly flirted with Chinese First Lady Peng Liyuan by grabbing a coat and wrapping it around the First Lady’s shoulders. Before Putin did that, he whispered to President Aquino, “Watch and learn.”

“Open Sources”
Former Iloilo provincial administrator Manuel Mejorada who claimed that the P700-million Iloilo Convention Center was overpriced attended the Senate hearing last Thursday. When grilled by senators, Mejorada admitted that he had no evidence to back his allegation, and revealed that he got the information from “open sources” like Wikipedia, a free-access, free content, and free-to-edit online encyclopedia. Mejorada vowed to return to the Senate with proof. But first, he’ll do some research on BuzzFeed and 9gag.

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago who described Manuel Mejorada as “a big dud” said he could be held in contempt “for wasting the time of the Senate.” And Lito Lapid was like, “Harsh!”

When asked to name the most valuable book to humanity, 37 percent of respondents in a recent survey answered, “The Bible.” The remaining 63 percent answered, “What’s a book?”
“People almost invariably arrive at their beliefs not on the basis of proof but on the basis of what they find attractive.”
~Blaise Pascal, De l’art de persuader

Sound Bites
“In the 2016 presidential elections, when I am rid of my lung cancer, I intend to claim the presidency I won in 1992.”
~Sen. Miriam Defensor Santiago

Happy weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: GMA News: Tiu; Joseph Vidal/Senate: Mejorada; SpinPh: Pacquiao; YahooPH: Lito Lapid; PDI: Binay]