LUCK’S ON LACSON


SENATOR PANFILO LACSON is back! You know what that means? The NBI, the PNP, and military intelligence agents can finally stop pretending they’re looking for him.

When he arrived in Cebu from Hong Kong Saturday morning, Senator Panfilo Lacson was reportedly alone. But critics refuted the report saying Malacañang’s thoughts were “with” him.

Reports say the Philippine National Police did not have enough knowledge as regards Lacson’s arrival last Saturday… just as they did not have enough information as regards his departure last year.

National Bureau of Investigation Director Magtanggol Gatdula insists his former boss is “really free” and “the bureau no longer has anything to do with him.” As if you did.

Lawyer Nancy Tagle of the Bureau of Immigration (BI) in Cebu told the Philippine Daily Inquirer that Senator Lacson acted as if “he didn’t want to be noticed.” Unfortunately, everyone, with the exception of NBI agents, did notice him.

Last Saturday, Senator Panfilo Lacson arrived in Lapu-Lapu City in Cebu… not to avoid the media in Manila but because his wife, Alicia wanted dried mangoes as pasalubong.

Reports say Senator Panfilo Lacson was wearing a hat and sunglasses when he arrived in Cebu. When he arrived in Manila, he was wearing a smile.

Top 6 Questions You Shouldn’t Ask Senator Lacson in his Scheduled Press Conference Monday (Or You’re Dead)

No. 6: Was there a third party in the breakup of Jodi and Pampi?

No. 5: You said you didn’t do it and Erap has also denied doing it. Was it suicide then?

No. 4: Who among your advisers and PR consultants thought of linking Cezar Mancao to Justice Secretary Leila De Lima?

No. 3: What the f*ck were they thinking?

No. 2: Do you want to thank anyone in Malacañang?

And the No. 1 question you should not ask Senator Lacson in his scheduled press con…

Did you enjoy watching the NBI’s and the PNP’s yearlong Moro-moro?

In other news…
Cong. Manny Pacquiao said if his father had used a condom, he wouldn’t be here today. I say had Manny Pacquiao used one, he would have not fathered a child with a woman other than his wife.


Manny Pacquiao has deleted his Twitter account. Apparently, he could take punches but not punch lines.

OMG, LOL
The OED or Oxford English Dictionary’s 2011 edition has just added Internet-associated expressions like OMG (Oh My God), LOL (Laughing Out Loud) and IMHO (In My Humble/Honest Opinion). Failing to muster enough votes from OED’s board of directors were TTMO and NDRRMC.

Bottom Three
Idol hopeful Thia Megia was in the Bottom 3 last week but was nonetheless declared safe. Also in last week’s Bottom 3 were Merceditas Gutierrez and the Ligot couple.


March 27th.
On this day in…

1884: The first long-distance telephone call is made from Boston to New York. It abruptly ended when the guy in Boston said (in Filipino), “Tapos na ako! Ikaw?”

1938: Sino-Japanese War: The Battle of Taierzhuang takes place. The troop that can spell Taierzhuang correctly in one attempt will be declared winner.

1963: Quentin Tarantino is born. Chin first.

1968: Yuri Gagarin dies in a plane crash. He has completed his orbit on earth.

1998: The Food and Drug Administration approves Pfizer’s prescription drug Viagra. In the Philippines, Senator Juan Ponce Enrile files a resolution commending Pfizer.

2006: Zacarias Moussaoui testifies in court that he is supposed to hijack a fifth airplane on September 11, 2001, and fly it into the White House. However, the flight of the fifth airplane, later identified as Cebu Pacific was delayed for three hours, ruining Moussaoui’s original plan.

2010: PLDT chairman Manuel V. Pangilinan addresses the graduates of his alma mater, Ateneo De Manila University. He spoke about protecting the environment… specifically citing the importance of recycling plastics, paper, and graduation speeches.
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“It is not a Justice System. It is just a system.”
~Bob Enyart

Quote of the Weak

Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao‘s tweetply to a Twitter follower who asked why he’s absent when the House of Representatives voted on the impeachment case against Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez last March 21

How ironic! How gullible!
Philippine Star columnist Carmen Pedrosa wrote in her latest column: “We are gullible because we are not able or do not question information. We prefer to believe what other persons tell us.”

In that column, she discussed a purported Harvard study that found Filipinos to be the most gullible people in the world. Guess what? That supposed study was a “gawa-gawang” story she got from a satirical blog. Yari ka!

Dear Ms Pedrosa:
There are several people in this world that I find really gullible. And you are all of them!

Three Strikes
Strike 1: Paquito Diaz, dead! Not!
Strike 2: It’s Oban! No it’s Gaa!
Strike 3: Filipinos are gullible!
That’s three strikes. Sorry, you’re out!

Briefly Noted
The Philippine Daily Inquirer is the only local broadsheet that comes out with blind items in at least three sections: Entertainment (Rushes); Business (Biz Buzz), and Sunday Lifestyle. Here’s an intriguing item from today’s (3/27) issue. Girl cries ‘rape’-years later-and two most prominent families might end up in

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TESTS

FIRST GENTLEMAN MIKE ARROYO, who was released from the hospital last week, gets a couple of good news today. One, he is now allowed to go out for a walk, and two, Prospero Nograles is now supporting Manny Villar.

Leaving Lakas?
House Speaker Prospero Nograles, Lakas vice chairman, has thrown his support behind Nacionalista Party’s Manny Villar. It took some time before Nograles made a decision. So when he discovered that his heart was really for the NP leader, he ran around the hotel naked shouting Villar’s name.

Prospero Nograles has reportedly bolted Lakas and is now supporting the presidential bid of Manny Villar. But Nograles’ decision did not shock Lakas standard-bearer Gilbert Teodoro. In fact, Gibô was more surprised by the reported death of veteran comedian Palito saying, “Buhay pa pala siya?!?”

All-Time Low
The Social Weather Stations says President Arroyo’s net satisfaction rating is down to –53 percent, an all-time low. Because of the “F” or failing grade she received from Filipinos, Mrs. Arroyo says she’s more than willing to repeat.


Poland in Mourning
Polish President Lech Kaczynski, his wife Maria, and dozens of political, military, and religious leaders of Poland were killed in a plane crash last Sunday. Unverified reports say, before the plane crashed, it was flying too low. Yeah, it was flying too low that it almost collided with President Arroyo’s satisfaction rating.

Polish President Lech Kaczynski, his wife, and dozens of political, military, and religious leaders of Poland were killed in a plane crash last Sunday. Tsk… tsk… tsk. Napag-iiwanan na talaga ang Pilipinas!

MVP Stays
The Ateneo De Manila University Board of Trustees has decided to reject the resignation of its chairman Manuel V. Pangilinan. Consequently, the board announced that the university is adopting a new slogan. From “Lux Domino” (Light in the Lord), the new slogan will be, “Plagiarius est non bonus tamen nos postulo viaticus” (Plagiarism is not good but we need cash).

LP vs. NP
Sen. Manny Villar has challenged Sen. Noynoy Aquino to undergo a psychiatric test. Felt slighted by the challenge, Noynoy told Villar, “Magpapa-psychiatric test lang ako kung mamamatay ka muna dahil walang pampagamot.”

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“It all comes down to serving the ones who are fighting alongside you, watching your back, putting a weapon in your hand when you need it most.”
~James Luceno

Survey Says
Sino ang dapat sisihin sa nangyayaring batuhan ng putik sa kampanya?
Partido Liberal ni NOYNOY 14%
Partido Nacionalista ni VILLAR 24%
Pareho sila! Punyeta! 62%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Today is April 13
On this date in…

1997: Tiger Woods becomes the youngest golfer to win The Masters Tournament at 21. He celebrates the victory by having sex with 21 women.

1977: Elvis Presley’s “All Shook Up” is released… instantly becoming a hit among members of Lakas-CMD-Kampi.

1880: At the Ateneo De Manila, Dr. Jose Rizal writes the allegory titled Consejo de los Dioses (Council of the Gods) and wins a prize. Rizal relinquished the prize a week later after admitting that portions of his work were plagiarized.

Enjoy the rest of the week!

Personal
Have you received your latest Meralco billing statement? Punyeta! Manny Pangilinan, maldita ka! Ano ‘tong ginawa mo?!? Ang laki ng babayarin namin!%3%@7#*&)