MISENCOUNTER, MISSED UNIVERSE TITLE, AND OTHER STORIES

THE SENATE Blue Ribbon Committee has issued an arrest order for Makati City Mayor Jejomar Erwin ‘Junjun’ Binay and five other people for their refusal to appear at its subcommittee hearings. Mayor Junjun Binay told his supporters that he’s so ready to be detained. If that happens, he’ll be placed in a small area with some people, and stay there ‘til someone gives the go signal to let him go. Or as some Makati project bidders call it, “our elevator experience.”

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According to Makati City Mayor Junjun Binay he is so “ready to be detained.” But a teary-eyed Nancy Binay couldn’t control her emotions saying Junjun’s children no longer have a mother – and now, they’re losing their father. Secretary Dinky Soliman was so moved she offered to take the children to a resort in Nasugbu, Batangas.

Reacting to the Senate’s arrest order for her brother Junjun, Nancy Binay lamented, “’Yon ang pinakamasakit. Nawalan na nga sila ng ina, parang dalawang beses nilang mararamdaman ‘yong mawalan ng magulang.” To which, taxpayers said, “Kami naman, nawalan ng pera.”

“Misencounter”
Almost 70 members of the PNP Special Action Force were killed in an encounter with MILF and Bangsamoro Islamic Freedom Fighters in Mamasapano, Maguindanao Sunday morning. Reports say some of the bodies were mutilated by the rebels. MILF peace panel chair Mohagher Iqbal said his men acted on “self-defense.” In the MILF dictionary, Self-defense, noun. See massacre.

1NYDNMiss Universe
The new Miss Universe is Paulina Vega of Colombia. Mary Jean Lastimosa was in the Top 10. Binibining Pilipinas director Stella Marquez de Araneta was very proud of what her candidate has achieved. She was quiet about Miss Philippines though.

The final question for the five finalists was, “What is the greatest contribution of your country to the entire world?” Miss Jamaica answered, Usain Bolt and Bob Marley. Miss Netherlands said, “art and history” while Miss USA mentioned something about “helping” other countries. When asked the same question after the show, Miss China answered, “Everything.”

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Manny Pacquiao was one of the judges in this year’s Miss Universe pageant. For the swimsuit, evening gown and Q&A rounds, his scores were 119-108, 118-111 and 120-109 all for Miss Colombia.

When Manny Pacquiao’s name was picked by Miss USA from the bowl, he asked her, “If you were given 30 seconds to deliver a message to global terrorists, what would you say?” Miss USA answered, “a message of hope, love, and peace.” Terrorists who were watching the pageant were further enraged by that cliché of an answer.

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An unconfirmed report said Miss Jamaica, Kaci Fennell has Filipino roots. As soon as they heard this, the Philippine Azkals offered her a slot in the team.

Miss Jamaica has issued a statement saying she’s a full-blooded Jamaican. She’s not Filipino. Unlike Keith Martin and David Pomeranz.

Death
Australian researchers have developed a “death test” that could predict a person’s chances of dying within the next 30 days. In Metro Manila, we call that “an MRT ride.”

1igDown
On Tuesday afternoon, Facebook and Instagram were both down for almost 45 minutes. In that short span of time, companies noted an increase in productivity.

Instagram and Facebook were down for 45 minutes on Tuesday afternoon. Instagram users waited 45 long minutes before they started eating the food on their plate.

For 45 minutes, both Instagram and Facebook were down. Filipino netizens blamed Stella Marquez-Araneta.
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“Nature didn’t need an operation to be beautiful. It just was.”
~Scott Westerfeld, The Uglies Trilogy

Sound Bites
“Hindi pwedeng mag-baby do’n. Self-defense ang nangyari.”
~Mohaqer Iqbal, Chairman, MILF Peace Panel

“Naiyak bigla ako. ‘Yon ang pinakamasakit kasi ngayong gabi matutulog ‘yong pamangkin kong hindi kasama ‘yong ama nila. Nawalan na nga sila ng ina, parang dalawang beses nilang mararamdaman yung mawalan ng magulang.”
~Nancy Binay

“All we are saying is give peace a chance.”

[Photos: Danny Pata/GMA: Binay; Benjie Castro/GMA: Guingona; New York Daily News: Miss Colombia; Getty Images: Pacquiao and Miss Jamaica]

LOST IN TRASLACION

JANUARY is a very busy month for many Filipinos. After the annual Traslacion of the Black Nazarene on January 9, the five-day Papal Visit is next followed by the Sinulog, Ati-atihan, and Dinagyang Festivals all held in honor of the Sto. Niño. This has been the ‘most Catholic’ January we’ve had in years.

1Noli
Former vice president Noli De Castro, a known devotee of the Black Nazarene joined this year’s ‘Traslacion.’ Kabayan prayed for good health, long life, and the ability to control his emotions when talking to reporters on TV Patrol.

As in previous years, it took the Black Nazarene’s andas or carriage several hours to reach its destination. The procession was very slow-moving. Or as one devotee described it, “EDSA.”

The Traslacion of the Black Nazarene started Friday morning and ended early Saturday morning. The duration of the procession was even longer than the time it took Augustinian missionaries to bring the statue from Mexico to the Philippines in 1607.

1pOPE Rally
According to authorities, two devotees died during the annual procession. If it’s any consolation, they died doing what they loved.

Reports say the fatalities joined the procession to pray for “a better life.” To be fair to the Black Nazarene, they’re in a better place now.

This year’s Black Nazarene procession lasted 19 hours. Or as one MMDA constable put it, “Three diapers.”

Papal Visit
Some lawmakers have reportedly decided to skip the activities in next week’s Papal Visit for fear of being labeled “epal.” While others won’t attend for fear of spontaneous human combustion.

The MMDA has been preparing for the Papal Visit for months. Traffic enforcers are really excited to see the Pope whom they described as “inspiring.” In fact, the Pope and our MMDA personnel have some things in common: they live a simple life; they serve the people, and they’ll be wearing adult diapers this coming week.

1pOPE Rally
Saying the Pope may not be safe in the country, Valenzuela City First District Representative Sherwin Gatchalian has called on the PNP and the AFP to tighten security for this week’s Papal Visit. In response, the PNP and the AFP assured Gatchalian of their preparedness. In fact, they’re as always ready as Gatchalian’s press releases.

Shady
On Friday, President Aquino advised Filipino voters to reject shady politicians in 2016. This has prompted Nancy and Junjun Binay to call the President “racist.”

1pOPE Rally#JesuIsCharlie
The two main suspects in the massacre of 10 journalists and 2 cops in Paris have been killed by French police. Latest reports say Al-Qaeda’s branch in Yemen directed the attack against the Charlie Hebdo publication to “avenge the honor of the Prophet Muhammad.” Even Muhammad was like, “Sige! Namedrop pa!”

Pacman
Reports say Manny Pacquiao will fly to London this month to meet Prince Harry. It will be the first meeting between the two popular personalities. One is a rich, party animal who loves the company of gorgeous women, and the other one is Prince Harry.

The Miss Universe Organization has announced that Manny Pacquiao will be one of the judges in the 63rd Miss Universe pageant in Doral, Florida on January 25. Usually, Miss Universe judges vote for the contestant with experience, poise, intelligence and preparedness for the job. Exactly the opposite of how Sarangani voters elected their congressman.
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“Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.”
~Voltaire

Sound Bites
“Yong mga vendor, mga isang kahig isang tuka ‘yan eh. Pabayaan na n’yang makasingit ‘yong mga mahihirap na tao para ‘di sila magnakaw. Medyo hinahanapan kami ng butas eh. Hanapan n’ya kami ng malaking butas. Be an hermano mayor first. Let him try.”
~Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada to Noli De Castro

“The contest has a very noble purpose, you know. The pageant is just another way of paying tribute to God’s unequalled aesthetic ability. Man is God’s masterpiece. So, I’m really excited,”
~Manny Pacquiao on having been named as one of the Miss Universe judges

Have a fun and safe weekend!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Kabayan: Anthony Taberna via @PhilStarNews; Traslacion: AseanKorea.Org; Diapers: GMA News, @Banksy]