GADDAFI, 69

AFTER FORTY-TWO years in power and 112 ways to spell his name, Moammar Gaddafi is dead!

Libyan dictator Moammar Gaddafi is dead. His son Bongbong Gaddafi wants a state funeral for his father.

Libyan tyrant Moammar Gadhafi is dead. Just to be sure, Tito Sotto wants to see the death certificate.

The death of Colonel Gaddafi is the day’s biggest news. Some of today’s headlines: “Gaddafi killed” “Qadaffy quilled” “Gadhafi keeled” “Mission aqqomplished”

Moammar Gaddafi has been killed. Libyans are celebrating. Finally, they can freely add another color to their flag.

Gaddafi has been confirmed dead. Some Libyans are not celebrating though. They know that Gadhafi, Qaddafy, Khaddafy, Gaddaffy, Quaddaffi, and Gaddaffi are still out there.

Reports say Gaddafi was killed by NATO-led rebels while attempting to escape. He was said to have been found in a hole in the ground. Also found were Gaddafi’s 3,000 pairs of sunglasses.

The Libyan dictator is dead. Goodbye Moammar Gaddafi! Goodbye fabulous outfits!

Early Thursday evening (Manila time), news organizations had conflicting reports about Gaddafi’s capture and death… which was not surprising since they could not even agree on how to spell his name.

Reports say when Moammar Gaddafi was cornered by rebel forces, he tried to run. However, the dictator tripped on his long gown.

There were also conflicting reports on how Gaddafi died. Some say he was shot. Others believe his thick robe suffocated him.

Gaddafi loyalists have issued a statement saying the Libyan dictator is still alive. They claim that he’s being treated right now at St. Luke’s Medical Center.

This just in: One of Gaddafi’s son, Saif is offering an Hermes bag to anyone who could prove that his father is dead.

Relatives of slain Libyan dictator Moammar Gaddafi are in a quandary. They couldn’t decide what version of Gaddafi’s name should they use on his tombstone.

Gaddafi’s death was confirmed just hours after his convoy was attacked. If Gaddafi were a member of the CPP-NPA, his death would be confirmed in February 2012.

In the Philippines…
Batangas Governor Vilma Santos confirms there is a proposal to construct a huge sign on Taal volcano island similar to the “Hollywood” sign in Los Angeles. The actress-turned politician says “Our main goal is to reclaim Taal Lake and Volcano as part of Batangas.” Why? Who took it away?

Defending the proposed project on the volcano island, Batangas Governor Vilma said they just wanted to “reclaim” Taal Lake and Taal Volcano. And Wilfredo Torres was like, “Don’t look at me!”

Governor Vilma Santos told the Philippine Daily Inquirer that the sign for the proposed structure would not spell out “BATANGAS” but “ALA EH.” Sing-stupid pero ‘di sing-mahal.

NASA Satellite
Less than a month after humanity survived a crashing bus-sized satellite, a 2.6-ton, defunct German telescope called the Roentgen Satellite will crash back to Earth Saturday or Sunday (Oct. 22 or 23). Experts couldn’t say where it would land but i’m really hoping it hits the rebels who killed 19 soldiers in Basilan last Tuesday.

Illegitimate
According to the National Statistics Office, 4 of 10 babies born in the country are illegitimate. To which Manny Pacquiao said, “Eh bakit ang sama ng tingin n’yo sa akin?”

Briefly Noted
Congressman Manny Pacquiao’s two youngest kids are named Princess and Queen Elizabeth. Guess what. His rumored love child, who was baptized last September 17 is named King Arthur. As Gus Abelgas would say, “Hindi nagsisinungaling ang ebidensya.” (The baby’s mom, Kat Ordoñez has denied that Pacman was the father.)
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“No dictator, no invader, can hold an imprisoned population by force of arms forever. There is no greater power in the universe than the need for freedom. Against that power, governments and tyrants and armies cannot stand.”
-J. Michael Straczynski

Crazy Quotes
On defending his belief that women belong in the home:
“All right, then nobody can complain if we ask pregnant women to make parachute jumps.”
~Libyan dictator Moammar Gaddafi

See also: Photos of Hollywood Philippines on Facebook

Have a great weekend!

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