POPULAR

I KNOW, I know. It was a rather quiet week last week. Aside from the item on the punching congressman, there was only the news about a giant crocodile in Agusan. And we couldn’t even tell the difference. Boring!

PETA’s Appeal
The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) urged authorities to return a captured giant crocodile to its natural habitat. But Bunawan, Agusan Del Sur Mayor Edwin Cox Elorde rejected the appeal saying the transfer of the crocodile from Mindanao to Batasang Pambansa would be stressful for the reptile.


Animal rights activitists say the giant crocodile captured in Agusan Del Sur should be freed. But authorities refused saying it could endanger the lives of ordinary people like security guards.

Local authorities believe that an estimated 5,000 crocodiles can be found in Agusan Marsh. Yup, 5 freakin’ thousand! Take that Batasan Marsh!

Marcos, 94
The 94th birth anniversary of the late dictator Ferdinand Marcos was commemorated by loved ones Sunday, September 11. To mark the event, members of the Marcos family gathered Sunday at the Marcos’ mausoleum… otherwise known as ‘The House of Wax.’

Vice President Pacquiao
Contrary to his earlier announcement, Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao said he wouldn’t be seeking the vice presidency in 2016. Thanks.

Binay on Twitter?
Vice President Jejomar Binay’s spokesman Joey Salgado says the vice president doesn’t have a Twitter account. Neither he nor his men have time to tweet since they’re busy doing text blasts.

Miss Universe 2011
Shamcey Supsup, the country’s representative to the Miss Universe pageant in São Paulo, Brazil is among the frontrunners to win the title. She is so popular in Brazil right now. In fact, one unidentified candidate was so envious of the Filipina, she distributed copies of an alleged psychological report purportedly showing that Shamcey Supsup battled depression in college.

Shamcey Supsup is a frontrunner to win this year’s Miss Universe title. ABS-CBN has been supporting frontrunners two years in a row now.

The Miss Universe pageant will be held Tuesday morning (Manila time). In totally unrelated news, Fitness First, Slimmers World and Gold’s Gym will reportedly open at 1PM tomorrow instead of the usual 8AM. They didn’t say why.

Who’s the Daddy!?
Young actress Andi Eigenmann has identified the daddy of her baby. For a change, the father of another child soon to be born out of wedlock is neither Manny Pacquiao nor Bong Revilla.

Marooned
The UP Fighting Maroons ended its Season 74 run with a loss to UE. Finishing with a 2-12 slate, the State U failed yet again to make it to the Final 4. And it’s been a while since they did. In fact, the last time they advanced to the semifinals was in the same year that Frank Sinatra bagged a Grammy for Best New Artist.
———————————————————————————————
“The Miss Universe Pageant is obviously rigged. The winner is always from Earth.”
~Author Unknown

Personal
One of my Twitter followers called my attention to this kid named Jonas Cano of Leyte. He’s a talented kid with autism. Nakakabilib ang husay niya!

Have a great week! Stay safe and healthy!

Share this on Facebook and Twitter: Add to FaceBookAdd to Twitter
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

Advertisements

AYON SA MGA BITUIN (The Return)

MAGANDANG ARAW! Matagal-tagal na rin nating hindi naririnig ang mga saloobin, babala, pangitain, at hula ng mga bituin. Ngunit sa araw na ito, mapalad tayo dahil sila ay nagbabalik mula sa matagal na pagkakahimbing! Salamat sa maaliwalas na panahon. Kaya tara na, halina’t basahin ang nakaumang na kapalaran ng ilang kilalang tao sa ating lipunan.

Paunawa: Ang mga ito ay batay lamang sa galaw ng mga tala. Kung ayaw maniwala, kontrahin. Sapagkat katulad ng walang sawa at paulit-ulit na paalala ni Aling Zenaida Seva, “Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang ating kapalaran, gabay lamang sila. Meron tayong free will, gamitin natin ito.” Ulitin mo. This time, basahin mo nang malakas: “Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang ating kapalaran, gabay lamang sila. Meron tayong free will, gamitin natin ito.” Wow. Inulit nga.

Let’s begin.
Pangulong Aquino
Birth: February 8, 1960
Sign: Aquarius
Dahil sa mga jokes mo, madadagdagan pa ang mga babaeng malili-link sa ‘yo. Pero hanggang do’n na lang ‘yon. Mananatiling punchline ang iyong lovelife.

Vice President Jejomar Binay
Birth: November 11, 1942
Sign: Scorpio
Payuhan ang mga kaalyado mong ‘text brigade’ na limitahan ang pag-ti-text ng iyong accomplishments. Matagal pa ang eleksyon. Huwag atat.

Cong. Manny Pacquiao
Birth: December 17, 1978
Sign: Sagittarius
Katulad ng iyong pinapangarap, mananalo kang bise presidente sa 2016. Hindi mo na kailangang mangampanya. Halos tiyak na ang panalo mo bilang VP ng Homeowners Association. Congratulations!

Sen. Panfilo Lacson
Birth: June 1, 1948
Sign: Gemini
Napapansin ng mga bituin na lumi-level up ang iyong katarayan kapag napag-uusapan ang babaeng ‘Rosebud’ ang pangalan. Kontrolin ang emosyon kung ayaw mong patuloy kang pagdudahan.

Cong. Mohammed Hussein Pangandaman
Birth: No available info online
Sign: Malay ko!
Huwag mag-alala sakaling ma-suspend, ma-expel, o matapos man ang iyong termino bilang kongresista. May bright future ka sa boxing.
Iwasang magtungo sa Agusan Del Sur. Alam mo na! Mainit ang dugo nila sa mga bu…
Lucky Number: “Pucha! Ocho!”

Atty. Jose Miguel “Mike” Arroyo
Birth: June 27, 1946
Sign: Gemini
Dahil sa ‘di inaasahang salpukan ng mga bituin, may magaganap na aksidente. Mababagsakan ka ng second hand na chopper anytime next week. Isa lang ang posibleng makapigil sa malagim na pangyayaring ito! Umamin ka sa iyong mga pagkakasala sa masang Pilipino!

Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo
Birth: April 5, 1947
Sign: Aries
Katabi ka ni Atty. Mike Arroyo kapag bumagsak ang second hand na chopper. Try mo na lang umilag. Good luck!

Former ARMM Governor Zaldy Ampatuan
Birth: August 22, 1967
Sign: Leo
Hindi ito ang tamang panahon upang mag-apply sa Witness Protection Program ng pamahalaan. Mapapahiya ka lamang. But all is not lost. Subukan mong mag-apply sa susunod na lifetime. Baka may chance.

Pasig RTC Judge Rolando Mislang
Birth: Ewan.
Sign: Hindi siya sikat.
Magandang kapalaran ang naghihintay sa ‘yo. Tatanggap ka ng malaking halaga kapalit ng kontrobersyal na desisyon pabor sa isang negosyanteng sinasabing nanloko sa Pag-IBIG Fund. Uy, balato naman jan! O kaya, burger! Burger! Burger!

Petron, Shell, Chevron, atbp.
Birth: It doesn’t matter.
Sign: Really bad.
Magpapatuloy ang inyong suwerte. Tiba-tiba pa rin kayo. Magsimba at magpasalamat dahil kahit sino yatang maupo sa Department of Energy, forever n’yo nang kakampi! Syet.

De La Salle Green Archers
Birth: 1986
Sign: Not good.
Congratulations! Pasok na pasok kayo sa “Final 4” – literal na “Final 4” ng UAAP Season 74. Ka-level n’yo na ang NU, UP at UE. Kung hindi magbabago ang alignment ng mga planeta, posibleng mapalitan ang inyong coach. Ipinapayong magbakasyon muna kayo habang nagdiriwang ang buong Ateneo. Ouch.

KC Concepcion
Birth: April 7, 1985
Sign: Aries
May hangganan ang pang-unawa. Walang mawawala kung itatanong mo sa iyong sarili: “Bakit ko ba pinasok ‘to?” Kapag nasagot mo ang tanong na ‘yan, makikita mo ang liwanag.

Palihim na Hula ng mga Bituin
No. 1: Isang popular na pulitiko ang masasangkot sa panibagong iskandalo. ‘Magbubunga’ ang kanyang pakikipaglaro ng apoy sa isang estudyante. May nakikitang “dilaw” at “berde” ang mga bituin sa babaeng sangkot sa usapin. Hanggang d’yan na lang muna ang mga clues. Careful ang mga bituin. Ayaw nilang ma-libel.

No. 2: Isang kakapanganak pa lamang na kabit ang posibleng sugurin ng asawa ng isang kilalang pulitiko. Ikinuwento kasi ng kabit na ito sa isang member ng media na ipinagpatayo siya ng bahay ng kanyang politician-lover sa subdibisyon kung saan nakatira ang orihinal na pamilya ni lalaki. Ang lakas lang ng loob niyang magkuwento. Sabi nga ni Melanie Marquez, “The nerd!”
————————————————————————————————–
“The signs of the zodiac are karmic patterns; the planets are the looms; the will is the weaver.”
~Author Unknown

In Brazil…
A teenager reportedly died after masturbating 48 times non-stop. Well, he had it cumming.

Elsewhere
Move.PH: PNoy’s Top Love Life Quips

Miss Philippines Shamcey Supsup gets nod of top pageant website

You Have Spoken
Matapos marinig ang dalawang panig, sino ang iyong pinapaniwalaan?
-Security guard Ricardo Bonayog 89.92%
-Lanao Del Sur Rep. Hussein Pangandaman 1.16%
-Korte na lang sana ang mag-decide 8.91%

Have a safe and happy weekend!

Share this on Facebook and Twitter: Add to FaceBookAdd to Twitter
I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.