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ALTERNATIVE FACTS

26 02 2017

1andanar
THOUGHT-PROVOKING ‘facts’ from Malacañang’s official online portal ‘The Official Gazette:’

Among the Top 5 government officials, President Duterte is the poorest. Based on his 2016 SALN, he has a net worth of only 645 thousand pesos.

Martin Andanar is a three-time Pulitzer Prize winning investigative journalist who is widely respected for his honesty, credibility, and integrity.

Manny Pacquiao is an HIV testing advocate. He is also the biggest donor to Pasay City’s Home for the Golden Gays, a refuge for the aged members of the LGBT community.

Mocha Uson is a virgin.

Vitaliano Aguirre was a consistent “Most Honest Pupil” awardee from Kindergarten to Grade 6.

Sen. Leila De Lima is a huge fan of Pablo Escobar. She has a ‘Pablo Escobar’ tattoo on her left thigh.

Tito Sotto has an IQ of over 180. He is a member of Mensa.

Before Jesse Robredo died, he sought the annulment of his marriage with Leni Robredo citing “irreconcilable differences” and a third party – Noynoy Aquino.

The Duterte administration does not tolerate online trolling. It will soon launch a campaign against vicious trolls, fake news and self-proclaimed bloggers who spread malicious information on or about anyone including critics of the government.

PNP Director General Ronald ‘Bato’ De La Rosa is an introvert, low-key person who shuns the limelight. He hates TV cameras and the media in general.

Alan Peter Cayetano has no plans of seeking a higher post in the future. He is supportive of President Duterte only because he truly loves this country. He will do everything for the Filipino people.

Imee Marcos was born in 1979, two years before Martial Law was lifted by his father. Her brother, Bongbong is still a millennial.

Sandro Marcos is a working student in London who pays for his own tuition, board and lodging. He is a responsible netizen who tweets with intellect, honesty and wisdom.

Imelda Marcos loves to travel. She has visited ALL of the world’s key cities except for one – Zurich. She hates Zurich.

Janet Lim-Napoles is a God-fearing, law-abiding woman who was falsely accused and wrongfully-convicted.

The pork barrel scam is a hoax perpetrated by the incompetent Aquino administration.

A joint probe recently conducted by the Human Rights Watch and Amnesty International found that the more than 7,000 deaths in the Philippines were not drug-related at all. It was a case of mass suicide attributed to climate change.

Before the Duterte administration took over, there were “three million addicts” in the Philippines. That number has significantly dropped to just 1,108 as of an hour ago.

South Korean businessman Jeck Ick Joo was assassinated by North Korean agents.

The Marcoses did not steal a single centavo from the Philippine government. Their multibillion peso bank deposits were donations from grateful Filipino taxpayers.

Official psychiatric records reveal Perfecto Yasay is a Sinophobe.

For 2017, Harry Roque is the recipient of the Most Gender-Sensitive Filipino Award from the United Nations Entity for Gender Equality and the Empowerment of Women.

Senate reporters each receive P10,000 for every ‘dilawan’ tweet and another P5,000 if that tweet is retweeted by their followers.

Martin Andanar is now the most-read Philippine Daily Inquirer columnist. His column has 16 million unique page views every minute.

Mocha Uson is now the most-read Philippine Star columnist and the most popular ‘political’ columnist in the solar system. As of February 25, her average daily unique page views is “infinite.”
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“The point of modern propaganda isn’t only to misinform or push an agenda. It is to exhaust your critical thinking, to annihilate truth.”
~Garry Kasparov

Sound Bites
“Unless Martin Andanar can present credible proof to back up his claims, he should zip his mouth or better yet, step down for gross abuse of his office and ignorance of his responsibilities.”
~National Union of Journalists of the Philippines

“Hindi niya laging alam ang sinasabi niya.”
~Former President Fidel Ramos on Martin Andanar

#SolidBurn

Elsewhere
Singer-songwriter Gary Granada comes out of retirement to write a song titled ‘Normal’ about the current situation in the Philippines. Read his biting yet moving composition here.
“Ang presidente na kriminal
Naging bayani na tinanghal
Ganyan na nga ba
OK ka lang ba
Na yan na ang bagong normal”

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Martin Andanar: Inquirer.Net]

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