CARJACK ARREST

The Liberal Party
First things first, happy anniversary to the Liberal Party! It is now 65 years old… or as Senator Loren Legarda would say, “husband material.”

The Liberal Party marked its 65th anniversary last Wednesday. Some say the party’s old, others insist it’s still young. You be judge: when the Liberal Party was founded, Senator Enrile was on his first term as senator.

On Wednesday, the Liberal Party unanimously elected Mar Roxas as party president… just two days after the Noy-Bi “party” unanimously elected Atty. Sixto Brillantes Jr. as Comelec chairman.

Noticeably, former senator Mar Roxas was in ‘barong Tagalog’ last Wednesday. Observers say had he insisted on wearing blue, he would have lost the presidency of the party.

Justifying his choice of Mar Roxas as “chief troubleshooter,” President Aquino says “I am no Superman who can do anything.” And then he went on to introduce Roxas to the guests by saying, “Ladies and Gentlemen, ‘MacGyver.’”

Former senator Mar Roxas denied that he would be more powerful than President Aquino once appointed in government. Well, that’s believable. How can you be more powerful than the country’s president when you can’t even be more powerful than your wife?

Carjacking
The Land Cruiser of restaurateur Margarita Fores, a cousin of former senator Mar Roxas was carjacked in Makati City last Wednesday. And Vice President Jejomar Binay was like, “Don’t look at me!”

Carjacking II
Malacañang admits it finds the spate of carjacking cases alarming. To prove its concern, the palace has assigned a group of men to watch over the President’s Porsche 24/7.

Looking Wow
The Philippine Daily Inquirer reported that former president and now Pampanga Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is making heads turn with her “svelte figure and glowing complexion.” Today, she has a 25-inch waistline… perfectly complementing her 25-inch height.

Congresswoman Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo says her waistline is down from 31 to 25 because of exercise and vegetable diet. Not to be outdone, former President Joseph Estrada says exercise and vegetables have also been helpful to him. In fact, his IQ is up from 80 to 89.

Winning Slogan
President Aquino’s “Kung Walang Corrupt, Walang Mahirap” campaign slogan won the PublicAffairsAsia’s Gold Standard Award for Political Communications. Meanwhile, the Department of Tourism lost in the poster making category.

Lapid’s New Bill
Saying, “We are being alienated in our very own country, and we are left to figure out for ourselves what these establishments are,” Sen. Lito Lapid filed a new bill seeking to require all signs, signboards, or billboards to be written either in Filipino or English. While waiting for the passage of his bill, Lapid vowed to boycott Le Souffle, Amici, Focaccia, Thien Duong, Mi Piace, Le Coeur de France, Schwarzwälder, and other establishments whose names he cannot pronounce.

Citing the “widespread emergence of restaurants and other specialty shops bearing signages in foreign languages,” former stuntman turned actor-politician Lito Lapid lamented, “Filipinos are left to wonder what these signages mean.” Lapid got the idea for his new bill from an embarrassing experience last week when he tried but failed to buy dishwashing paste from Häagen-Dazs.
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“Under democracy, one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule – and both commonly succeed, and are right.”
~H.L. Mencken, 1956

Survey Says
Magiging patas kaya as Comelec Chairman si Atty. Sixto Brillantes Jr?
– Oo naman. 22.46%
– Hindi! 47.01%
– Sino siya? 30.54%

Personal
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HONEST MISTAKE

PRESIDENT AQUINO has returned from his US trip. In his arrival speech, the President made two important announcements. First, that the government was able to secure new investments from at least eight business firms, and second, that the country was no longer at war.


Inverted RP Flag
Rebecca Thompson, the spokesperson of the US Embassy in Manila apologized for displaying the Philippine flag upside down at an event in New York last Friday. [An inverted flag means the nation is in a state of war.] Thompson declined to confirm rumors that the Philippine flag was made in Hong Kong.

This just in! The person who reportedly made the (honest) mistake of displaying an inverted RP flag in New York has offered to resign from the Obama government. When President Aquino heard this, he advised President Obama to reject the resignation saying, “The guy is entitled to due process.”

With regard to some people who are making an issue out of the inverted RP flag incident, President Aquino said, “Maraming tao’ng walang magawa.” Ouch.


Aquino and Obama
President Aquino said he and US President Barack Obama met for seven minutes. Another source said, it was actually 10 minutes… but the first three minutes was spent looking for a lighter.

President Aquino and US President Barack Obama met for approximately seven minutes. Aquino spent two minutes discussing military matters, while Obama used all of five minutes apologizing for the inverted Philippine flag.

Top 5 Things Overheard at the Meeting of President Aquino and US President Barack Obama

No. 5: “Lights or menthol?”

No. 4: “I admit. I’m an instant fan. So tell me more about Charice.”

No. 3: “Can we have Kristie Kenney back?”

No. 2: “If Donald Tsang or anybody in Beijing bothers you again, I’m just a phone call away. ”

And the No. 1 thing overheard at the meeting of Presidents Aquino and Obama…

“I hope you won’t mind me asking but have you tried Svenson?”

Lito Lapid’s Bill
Senator Lito Lapid has filed a bill seeking to limit the weight of bags being carried by school children to schools. DepEd Chief Bro. Armin Luistro has rejected the proposal and urged other senators to file a bill seeking to stop Lito Lapid from filing similar measures.

Reelected Senator Lito Lapid has filed “An act limiting the amount of weight of bags carried by children in school and implementing proactive measures to protect school children’s health from the adverse effect of heavy school bag.” Tanong ng bayan kay Ginoong Lapid: Senador ka ba o pangulo ng PTA?

Top 5 Predicted Bills to be Filed Soon by Sen. Lito Lapid

No. 5: “An act limiting the use of ballpoint pens in primary schools to prevent inkblots on school uniforms”

No. 4: “An act promoting the use of Mongol pencil No. 2 in grade schools because they make the best marks”

No. 3: “An act seeking to penalize pupils who will be caught chewing a classmate’s eraser, notebook, pad paper, and all forms of writing implements”

No. 2: “An act allowing teachers to sell ‘tocino’ and ‘polvoron’ in public elementary and secondary schools on Fridays only”

And the No. 1 predicted bill to be filed soon by Senator Lito Lapid…

“An act seeking to make ‘Recess’ an elective subject; pupils will be graded based on the nutritional value of the food they eat during the 15-minute break.”

Fired!
Kris Aquino has been told by the management of ABS-CBN to leave the poorly-rating game show “Pilipinas, Win na Win” starting Friday. Aquino was asked to quit the program following reports that several Kapamilya viewers have suffered from loss of hearing due to her ‘screaming’ habit.
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“The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.”

Who The Heck?
Down-to-earth Politician [D2EP] has not seen long-lost dad for more than two decades – almost three decades, to be precise. Surprise! The father showed up just recently. According to D2EP’s uncle who was a witness to the reunion, while the father was filled with emotion, D2EP was like, “Uhmmm, okay.” Apparently, D2EP wasn’t as thrilled. Unknown to the public, D2EP grew up without a father. That’s the reason why instead of using the father’s last name, D2EP uses mom’s maiden name! Now you know. Clue: Enumerate the names of Jose Rizal’s siblings and you’ll get the answer!

Survey Says
Kaninong bersyon ng kuwento ang mas pinapaniwalaan n’yo:
– Archbishop Oscar Cruz 57.31%
– Tony Boy Cojuangco 2.4%
– Wala. 40.29%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Personal
– The Professional Heckler does not maintain  an official Facebook account. To the person who created the Like Page, thank you. But I’d rather not have one.

Do not follow me on Twitter. Do not click here.

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FUROR

natlartist The National Artist Award
Despite the uproar over President Arroyo’s selection of additional four new National Artists, Malacañang says it will push through with the conferment rites within the month. After the awarding, a hefty meal will be served to the awardees, their families, friends, and supporters. Leyte Congressman Ferdinand Martin Romualdez will foot the bill.

The National Artist Award II
Unconfirmed reports say ABS-CBN is keen on airing live the conferment rites for the seven new National Artists in Malacañang. Network executives will officially announce the planned live coverage… as soon as Willie Revillame gives them the go signal.

Willie Revillame I
Amid calls from various organizations and bloggers to sanction him over his alleged arrogance and disrespect for former President Aquino’s cortege, Wowowee host Willie Revillame “has been asked to go on leave.” As a result, Sen. Mar Roxas was forced to cancel his scheduled stag party in the noontime show.

willy Willie Revillame II
ABS-CBN corporate communications head Bong Osorio said starting Monday, August 10, Willie Revillame would go on indefinite leave… Or as scantily-clad dancers on Wowowee would call it “Sexual Harassment Free Week.”

Lapid in New York
Reports say Sen. Lito Lapid didn’t enjoy the dinner he had with President Arroyo at a popular French restaurant in New York last week. He hated the service, he never liked the food, and he couldn’t spell the name of the place.

FIBA Asia Men’s Championship
The RP Men’s basketball team posted its third win in the ongoing FIBA Asia Men’s Championship in China. In case you didn’t know, our cagers (Taulava, Thoss, Helterbrand, Pennisi, Miller, Dillinger, Norwood etc.) were initially barred from participating in the tournament… because organizers thought they were suiting up for FIBA North America.

Photo of the Weak
(Thanks to a friend for the photo. Caption mine.)
prayerful
Sa inyong palagay, alin ang mas papakinggan ng Itaas:
Ang panalangin ng madasalin at cute na hayup, o ang panalangin ng aso?

Da Who?!
She has been open about it recently. But she refuses to name names. Sexy Celebrity has new a multimillion peso-house in the US. According to her, it was a gift from a politician. According to her, they’ve talked about wedding. What’s wrong with the picture? One, he’s not a politician although he’s an influential figure in politics. Second, how could they possibly talk about a wedding when he’s very much married? Does his common-law-wife know about the illicit relationship? If someone would leak the info to her, she would be clued-up on the affair! And there goes your clue!

Da Who 2
Deepak Chopra calls it synchronicity. We often referred to it as coincidence. The Professional Heckler happened to be at the right place at the right time with the right persons who proved his suspicion that a government official has been using his post and probably, taxpayers’ money to advance his political interest.

Here’s what happened during a recent meeting. People from the creative and media agencies handling the PR campaign of a government official were “buying portions” in several television programs. Their client has been rumored to be seeking a very high elective post in 2010. Advertising guy 1 said and roughly, I quote, “We want the portion to highlight all the achievements of ______.” Advertising guy 2 was more blunt and I thank him for exposing the real motive of his client. He explained, “We have to air the portions ASAP because there’s an scheduled political survey and we want _________ to figure prominently in that survey.”

Da Who is the famous client? Hint: “Initially,” we’re all here!

karen THIS JUST IN!
Did Karen Davila and her show commit plagiarism? After reading an email from freelance writer and book author Angela Stuart Santiago, I am inclined to believe they did. Tsk… tsk… tsk… A brewing controversy involving another ABS-CBN talent. And they all loathe Gloria Arroyo for dishonesty? Please click this link for the complete story.
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“Everything in excess is opposed to nature.”
~ Hippocrates

THE RUNNING PRIEST II

amonged

Among Ed
Officially announcing his bid for the presidency in 2010, Pampanga governor Fr. Ed Panlilio says God wants him to run for president… to which God said, “Ako! Ako! Ako! Lagi na lang ako!”

Father Ed Panlilio is reportedly leaving priesthood to seek the presidency in 2010. Panlilio insists God wants him to seek higher office… to which God said, “Heller! Brother Eddie ikaw ba ‘yan?”

Pampanga governor Ed Panlilio is leaving priesthood saying, “God is calling me to run for the presidency.” In a related development, the Devil is reportedly having a hard time deciding which candidate to support because there’s just too many qualified bets to choose from.
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“If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.”
~ Thomas Szasz

Top 10 Messages Left on Among Ed Panlilio’s Answering Machine Following His Declaration that He Would Seek the Presidency in 2010

No. 10: “Father, this is Jeff Shedlarz from Pfizer. How much do you need for your campaign?”

No. 9: “Father Ed, this is Archbishop Cruz. Ang tigas talaga ng ulo mo!”

No. 8: “Put*ng-ina Father, sigurado ka ba sa gagawin mo? Si Mar nga pala ‘to.”

No. 7: “Among Ed, si Lito Lapid po ito, ang inyong cabalen. Itatanong ko lang sana kung sino ‘yong bastos na babaeng sumagot sa telepono. Imagine, kausap ko na nga siya tapos sabi ba naman, ‘Leave your message after the tone.’ Walang breeding!”

No. 6: “Father Panlilio, si Brother Eddie ‘to. Ang lakas naman ng loob mo! Bakit? May 5 million followers ka ba?”

No. 5: “Father Eddie, si Erap ‘to. Sabihin mo lang kung kailangan mo ng First Lady. May ire-refer ako.”

No. 4: “Father, si Brother Eddie ulit ‘to. The Lord is my shepherd and he has promised me his endorsement. You better drop your plans.”

No. 3: “Among Ed, Archbishop Cruz again here. Bakit? Ano pa bang nagawa mo aside from increasing revenues from quarry operations? Meron ba?”

No. 2: “Father, si Isabela Gov. Grace Padaca ‘to. Ano bang middle name ni Archbishop Cruz: Lapid o Pineda? Parang ang laki yata ng galit niya sa ‘yo?

And the No. 1 message left on Among Ed Panlilio’s answering machine…

“Guessh who!??? Shige Among Ed, tumakbo ka! Shabi nga ng aking namayapang ama, ‘Do what ish right. Do what is bessht. And Mikey will take care of the ressht… sa kapitolyo.”
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Personal
I’ll be attending Kobe Bryant’s live show at the Phil Sports Arena today. I was lucky to snag a couple of courtside tickets from Nike’s Creative Agency. Thank you so much Ogilvy!

Newsbreak Online has an item on a veteran PR guy who bolted the camp of presidential contender Manny Villar.

Does Sen. Mar Roxas read The Professional Heckler? I think so. Here’s a February 2009 blog post of Prof. Danton Remoto.

ForbesTraveler’s list of the world’s most astonishing landscapes includes Bohol’s Chocolate Hills.

‘NAKNAMPUTSCH

zelaya
Zelaya and Arroyo
Leftist Honduran President Manuel Zelaya, who wanted to extend his term beyond January 2010, was recently ousted in a military coup. Asked if the news alarmed her, President Arroyo replied, “Bakit?!? Leftisht ba ‘ko?”

Did you hear the news about the Honduran president who wanted to extend his term beyond 2010 but was ousted in a military coup instead? Here’s a piece of trivia about him: he is not an adopted member of the Honduran Army chief’s military class.

NEWS-US-HONDURAS World leaders denounced the military in Honduras for ousting President Zelaya in a coup. US President Barack Obama told the coup plotters, “Do that in America and you’ll be jailed!” Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez warned them, “Do that in Caracas and you’ll be dead!” Philippine President Arroyo told them, “Do that in Manila and you’ll be senator!”

Sen. Lito Lapid was in the US when he first heard the news about the military coup that ousted Honduran President Zelaya. A concerned Lapid immediately phoned President Arroyo and told her, “Madam President, ‘wag na po tayong mag-Con Ass. Baka matulad kayo kay Presidente Zelaya. Hayun, pinatalsik ng AFP ng Honduras.”

elec Poll Automation
Heard about the consortium that won the Commission on Election’s poll automation contract? Barbados-based Smartmatic and its Filipino partner Total Information Management Corp. vowed to do quick counting of votes in 2010. Fast, speedy, rapid, swift counting of votes. In 48 hours, it’ll be over. They’re that quick! And to further give you an idea how fast this group works, they have already dissolved the consortium even before the polls could take place!

smartmatic Comelec Chief Jose Melo is confident Smartmatic and Total Information Management Corp. will set aside their “irreconcilable differences” and reunite for next year’s poll automation. Melo advised the two firms to try what he called “marriage of convenience.” You know, the same thing that will soon unite Mar and Korina.

Iran Polls
The unrest in Iran continues. Protesters want a re-election and not just a recount of votes amid cheating allegations. Yup, a re-election! You know who’s challenging the unpopular Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? Randy David!

Michael Jackson’s Wealth
According to the Wall Street Journal, a 2002 will by Michael Jackson specifies that his estate will be divided among his mother, three children and one or more charities. This early though, the King of Pop’s family is bracing for a court battle… as Jamby Madrigal files a case contesting her being disinherited from the late singer’s estate.

Belo and Kho
According to lawyer Lorna Kapunan, “the old Hayden Kho is dead” and the new Hayden “is trying to be better.” In fact, Hayden swore he would never record his sexual trysts with different women again. He’ll just let a videographer do it for him!

vb Belo and Kho II
Almost two weeks after sexy actress Katrina Halili filed separate complaints seeking to revoke the professional and business licenses of Hayden Kho, and Vicki Belo’s clinic respectively, the grapevine is ripe with rumors that Hayden is still in a state of shock… while Belo is in a state of decomposition.

__________
“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”
~Albert Camus

Elsewhere…

Newsbreak asks… will the administration go for Noli or for Gibo in 2010?

Manila Standard’s Vic Agustin: Katrina Legarda vs. Loren Legarda.

20th Jaime V. Ongpin Awards for Excellence in Journalism: The Finalists.

QUITTERS


Lacson Quits
Sen. Panfilo Lacson has quit the presidential race in 2010 because “waging a campaign is expensive.” The only thing more expensive is his battery of criminal lawyers.

Remember what Sen. Panfilo Lacson said last month? “I am 101 percent sure of running for president in 2010.” Now, do you remember what he said about the Dacer-Corbito twin murders?

Top 5 Initial Reactions to Panfilo Lacson’s Latest Bombshell

No. 5:Hayden Kho: “Condemn the quitting, not the quitter.”

No. 4: Mar Roxas: “Put*ng-i*a! Totoo ba ‘yan?

No. 3: Manny Villar: “For my reaction, let me refer you to Senators Pimentel and Cayetano.”

No. 2: Joseph Estrada: “Pareho na kami ngayon: Drop out!”

And the No. 1 initial reaction to Ping Lacson’s latest bombshell…

President Arroyo: “Por diosh, por shanto! Ganyang-ganyan din ang announshment ko noong Deshember 30, 2000, Rizshal Day. Ayokong maniwala hangga’t ‘di pa taposh ang filing ng shertificate of candidashy. Promish, ‘no?”

Quitters
Have you noticed the trend? Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile offered to quit as chair of the senate committee of the whole hearing the ethics complaint against Sen. Manny Villar. A week later, Cong. Jose De Venecia quit the Lakas party. Earlier this week, lawyer Adel Tamano quit as spokesman of the United Opposition and joined the Nacionalista Party. Sen. Panfilo Lacson quit the 2010 presidential race. Quitting has become the “in” thing these days… Jamby contemplates quitting marriage!

A Senate reporter curiously asked Sen. Lito Lapid if he has ever been a quitter. The actor replied, “Tanga ka ba? Facebook nga, ‘di ako marunong, Quitter pa.”

ADEL Tamano Now A Nacionalista
Lawyer Adel Tamano has quit as spokesman of the United Opposition and joined the Nacionalista Party. But there’s no confirmation yet to rumors that Tamano will replace Senators Pimentel and Cayetano as Manny Villar’s spokespersons.

Eddie Villanueva, Again!
Jesus Is Lord leader and presidential aspirant Bro. Eddie Villanueva vowed to mobilize five million(!) of his followers to create a “spiritual earthquake” to stop Con Ass. And we all thought Lito Lapid was funny.

Dangerous
Stormy months are here again. Authorities are warning commuters against dangerous billboards. You know, a falling billboard is the second most dangerous thing these days… next only to a La Sallista.
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“A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.”
~Richard Nixon

Survey Says…
Who would you vote for president in 2010?
Undecided: 50%
The administration candidate: 27%
The opposition candidate: 23%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Enjoy your weekend!

MANNY IN MALACAÑANG

Philippines Pacquiao
On Monday, May 11, Manny Pacquiao paid a courtesy call on President Arroyo. When Sen. Lito Lapid heard this, he curiously asked, “How much kaya?”

President Arroyo has just named Manny Pacquiao “ambassador for peace and understanding.” His first assignment? To settle the row between Martin Nievera and the National Historical Institute.

Also today, Justice Secretary Raul Gonzales appointed Manny Pacquiao as his “special assistant” on “intelligence affairs.” Gonzales declined to give an answer when asked if Pacquiao was tapped for his intelligence or his affairs.

Labor Day Fair
Did you hear about “Jobapalooza” – the Labor Department’s jobs fair last May 1? As it turned out, Manny Pacquiao submitted two resumés. Now he’s got two new jobs!

pacroach
Ka Freddie
Laguna Rep. Edgar San Luis has filed a resolution seeking to confer honorary Filipino citizenship on Manny Pacquiao’s coach and trainor Freddie Roach. The resolution has reportedly gained the support of Mrs. Arroyo, the country’s honorary president.

Nene vs. Martin
Sen. Aquilino Pimentel wants to impose a month-long ban on Martin Nievera… something that’s totally unnecessary since the aging singer’s next musical project will not happen until February 2010.

Ako Mismo
The call for transparency with regard to the controversial “Ako Mismo” campaign is getting louder. And nastier. PLDT and Smart have already come out and admitted financing the ad. But irate bloggers demand more transparency. They want PLDT chairman Manny Pangilinan to come out next.

sha Kiko for Veep
Megastar Sharon Cuneta recently confirmed that her husband, Sen. Francis Pangilinan would run for vice president in 2010. If Kiko wins, Sharon becomes the Second Lady… as she has always been.

Light Bites

Q: What do Lacson’s, Villar’s, Roxas’, Legarda’s, Escudero’s, Fernando’s, De Castro’s, and Binay’s premature political advertisements share in common?
A: Our money.

Q: What is orange and pricey, 6 ft vertically and 19.7 km horizontally?
A: Manny Villar on C5 Road.

Q: What is pink, orange, and black vertically – and blue horizontally?
A: Bayani Fernando, Manny Villar and Jejomar Binay simultaneously peeing on Mar Roxas

Q: What is black and pale, and then, red all over?
A: Jejomar Binay before and after he was placed by Ping Lacson in a blender – alive!

Q: What is brown and white; in public, hold each other tight but four feet apart at night?
A: Jamby Madrigal and French husband Eric Valade

Q: What is black and pink, and red all over?
A: Jejomar Binay and Bayani Fernando after a fistfight

Q: What is blue and pale, and soft all night and goes Zzzzzz…?
A: Mar Roxas and Korina Sanchez on their honeymoon

Q: If Mar Roxas, Ping Lacson, Manny Villar, Loren Legarda and Erap jumped together off the tallest building on Ayala Avenue in Makati City, who’d land first?
A: Who the hell cares?!

Q: What is Loren Legarda’s best asset?
A: An ex-husband in jail

Q: What do you call an insect that goes inside Lito Lapid’s skull?
A: A space invader.

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“There are two things people want more than sex and money… recognition and praise.”
~Mary Kay Ash

Personal
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LOVE IN THE TIME OF POLITICS

Top 10 Political Valentine Card Messages

10. To Lance Corporal Daniel Smith
From New Bilibid Prisons Inmates

Roses are red
Violets are blue
We’re so excited
Can’t wait for you.

9. To The Senate
From Jocjoc Bolante

How do I lie thee?
Let me count the ways.

8. To the Three Alabang Boys
From PDEA Director Dionisio Santiago

O, drug dealers na makapangyarihan
Sampung prosecutors ang nasasaklawan
Kapag pumasok kayo saan mang kulungan
Susuhulan lahat lumaya ka lamang.

7. To DOJ Prosecutor John Resado
From The Alabang Boys

Thank you for tryin’
we appreciate it
Just return our money
or get mired in deep shit.

6. To All German Nationals in the Philippines
From Sen. Lito Lapid with Love on Valentine’s Day

Penpen de sarapen
De kutsilyo de almasen
Haw haw de carabao
De van hauten.

5. To Loren
From Your ex, Tony Leviste

All alone in my cell, I think of you my darling
Will you visit me today for an hour of canoodling?
I’ve got a bed, two soft pillows, and a tv set to boot
I vow to be gentle, I promise not to shoot!

4. To Ping and Jamby
From Manny Villar

On Valentine’s Day I forgive, I forget
Just stop the big fuss about the C-5 budget
Double insertion? Did you say I’m guilty?
My wife’s a billionaire so that’s a baloney!

3. To Korina
From Mar Roxas

Thanks for the support oh my dearest one
Next year, I promise, we’ll be in Malacañang
“First Lady” of the land, isn’t that what you wanted?
And I, your President, ‘tang ina, I’m excited!

2. To The World Bank and the Senate
From First Gentleman Mike Arroyo

On this day of hearts, I appeal to thee
My heart is so weak, so please have some mercy
Hearsay! Malicious! The reports are baseless
Even if you ask Merceditas Gutierrez!

And the No. 1 Political Valentine Card Message…

1. To President Arroyo
From US President Barack Obama

I really am sorry for ignoring you dear
I just don’t feel comfy whenever you’re near
My target is to make the U.S.A. better
While your only goal is to change a Charter!
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Another New York Plane Crash
A Continental Express plane with 48 people aboard crashed into a Buffalo home in upstate New York. But here’s a more shocking revelation. Unknown to everyone, during US President Barack Obama’s inauguration, a commercial plane ran out of gas while flying over Washington DC. Luckily, the pilot safely landed the aircraft… on Aretha Franklin’s hat.

paule Paule in Pasay
Remember businessman Jaime Paule? The alleged bagman in the P728M fertilizer fund scam who was ordered arrested by the Senate at the St. Luke’s Medical Center is now detained at the Pasay City jail. Isn’t that a double whammy? Makukulong ka na nga lang sa Pasay City Jail pa! And did you see the detention cell? That’s not a jail man. That’s a cage!

Australian Wildfires
Australian authorities have arrested an arson suspect responsible for the wildfires that have so far killed 181 people and left thousands homeless. Nope, there’s no truth to rumors that the suspect was arrested at the St. Luke’s Medical Center.

Elsewhere…
Check out the fascinating story about a boy who fathered a child at 13.
_________

Survey Says…
Are you going out on a romantic date on Valentine’s Day?
Results:
No: 36%
Date? What date?! : 32%
Hopefully: 18%
Yes: 14%
Others: 1%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.
_________

“Minamalat na naman ang puso ko. Pa’no kasi, laging isinisigaw ang pangalan mo.”
~Filipino Pick-up Line

HELLO, MIKE TEST

PBA09366rp8n

mikearr Top 5 Ways to Convince First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo to Attend the Senate Hearing On the World Bank-funded Road Projects Controversy

5: The Ateneo Blue Babble Battalion, his alma mater’s pep squad will be there to cheer him on.

4: The Senate will sponsor a yearlong free medical check up at any hospital of his choice plus a lifetime supply of Imodium or Diatabs.

3: He will be asked only four questions and these are: (1) Is it the truth? (2) Is it fair to all concerned? (3) Will it build goodwill and better friendships? (4) Will it be beneficial to all concerned? Then he could leave the Senate.

2: The only senators who will be allowed to ask questions are Lito Lapid and Bong Revilla.

And the No. 1 way to convince First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo to attend the Senate hearing on the World Bank-funded road projects controversy…

1: For every hour that he spends at the Senate, he gets 5 percent of each senator’s pork barrel allocation.

(Note: This post was featured on TV5’s The Evening News last February 9.)
______
Survey Says
What showbiz-oriented talk show do you prefer watching?
Results
The Buzz: 53%
Startalk: 17%
Showbiz Central: 16%
Entertainment Live: 12%
Others: 2%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.
Have a productive week!

COLLUSION

laxon The World Bank Document
Sen. Panfilo Lacson claims to have read a World Bank report on blacklisted construction firms and some powerful personalities allegedly involved in rigged biddings. Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago says she has also have received a copy of the World Bank document but maintains that no names were mentioned in the report. The existence of two copies has prompted the Senate to check on rumors they originated from the office of former Press Secretary Ignacio Bunye.

mikea The First Gentleman
According to Sen. Panfilo Lacson, the World Bank Report has implicated the First Gentleman to collusion in rigged biddings. The president’s husband reportedly asked for 5 percent commission for every rigged bid. When the First Gentleman heard this, he said, “Ridiculous! I would never ever settle for anything less than 10 percent!”

Summons
The latest news is that senate committee on economic affairs chair Miriam Defensor-Santiago has summoned several persons implicated by Senator Lacson in the alleged collusion between construction firms blacklisted by the World Bank. They included First Gentleman Mike Arroyo, former congressmen Prospero Pichay and Jacinto Paras, Florante Soriquez, former secretary of the Department of Public Works and Highways; and Lope Adriano, Tito Miranda and Boy Belleza, project director, assistant director and alleged broker, respectively, of the DPWH. In short, senators, congressmen, DPWH officials & brokers, and the First Gentleman will be together in one room. Representatives of the Guinness World Records will also attend the hearing to authenticate this latest attempt from the Philippines to establish a new record for the biggest gathering of high-profile thieves ever.

First Gentleman Mike Arroyo’s lawyer Ruy Rondain says Mr. Arroyo’s probable appearance in the Senate probe would largely depend on the advice of his doctors. At press time, doctors are giving him a 5 percent chance.

Special Probe
Sen. Mar Roxas has proposed the appointment of a ‘special prosecutor’ to handle exclusively the investigation into Mr. Arroyo’s alleged involvement in irregularities in public works projects. Other senators turned down Roxas’ proposal because of cost implications. You know, in this country, prosecutors cost at least 800,000 pesos.

“Unethical”
Senate committee on ethics chair Panfilo Lacson has implicated the late former senator Robert Barbers in the World Bank controversy. His sons, Robert Ace and Robert Dean called it “unethical.” Robert Dean added that his father was “full of integrity,” meaning… Robert Dean has not heard the complete “Hello Garci” tapes.

Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago has invited the First Gentleman and former congressmen Prospero Pichay and Jacinto Paras to attend the senate hearing on the alleged collusion between construction firms blacklisted by the World Bank. When a foreign correspondent asked Santiago why she didn’t summon “a former senator named Robert Barbers,” Sen. Lito Lapid interrupted and said, “Tanga ka ba? It’s unethical!”

Ninoy’s Killers Freed
Two convicted killers of former senator Benigno “Ninoy’ Aquino Jr. were released Friday after they were deemed to have served out their sentence. Public Attorneys Office chief Atty. Persida Rueda-Acosta is hopeful the 10 remaining convicted soldiers will be freed next. The Aquino family is now convinced Attorney Rueda-Acosta is indeed a closet Marcos loyalist.

What’s the difference between a freed Ninoy killer and Sen. Lito Lapid? The killer is able to complete a sentence.
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“The more corrupt the state, the more laws.”
~ Publius Cornelius Tacitus