DEAR PROFESSIONAL HECKLER

OF LATE, the Professional Heckler has been receiving emails, letters, text messages, and tweets from famous and not-so-famous Filipinos alike. Due to his hectic schedule though (as if), he was able to reply to each of those letters only now. Apologies. Here we go…

Dear Professional Heckler,
Isa akong inmate sa New Bilibid Prisons. Pakiramdam ko, may sakit ako sa puso. Puwede rin ba akong magpa-check up sa Philippine Heart Center?
Umaasa,
Bogart

Dear Bogart,
May alam ka bang kasalanan ni Gloria? Kung wala, tiisin mo na lang ang sakit mo sa puso.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Isa akong mapagpatol na tao. Halos kada linggo, nakikipagsagutan talaga ako. Wala akong inuurungan. Hindi ko pinapalampas ang mga patutsada ng aking mga kalaban. Sanga pala, gusto kong magtrabaho sa gobyerno. Saan ba ako puwede?
Yours truly,
Anton

Dear Anton,
Puwede ka sa Communications Group. Of course, advantage kung abogado ka. Kaya lang, wala pa yatang opening ngayon. Hindi kita matutulungan.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Hello! Kumusta kayong lahat!
Miss you,
Bedol

Dear Bedol,
Magkano?
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Hindi ko na kinakaya ang ginagawa nila sa akin. Nananahimik ako. Kumikirot ang aking leeg. Masama ang aking pakiramdam pero wala talaga silang awa. Ayaw nila akong tigilan. Kailan ba ito matatapos?
Saklolo,
Gloria

Dear Gloria,
Just do what is right, do what is best, and Raul Lambino will take care of the rest.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Isa akong dating halal na government official na natapos na ang termino. Wala na akong ginagawa. Mahilig ako sa balita at may magandang boses. Saan ako puwedeng mag-apply?
Yours truly,
Kagalang-galang na Ex-Official

Dear Kagalang-galang na Ex-Official,
With your credentials, perfect ka sa TV Patrol! Try mo!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Magkano ba ang presyo ng isang kilong galunggong ngayon? Would you know?
Curious,
Jamby

Dear Jamby,
Hanggang ngayon ba naman curious ka pa rin? I don’t eat fish. Sorry, I cannot answer your question.
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Gusto kong maging state witness. Marami akong alam against GMA. Maniwala ka!
Desperado,
Zaldy

Dear Zaldy,
Sapak gusto mo?
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler
Ikaw ang kanlungan ng nangangailangan. Ikaw ang pag-asa at kinabukasan. Haplos mo ay lunas sa bawat pagal. Salamat sa iyong dampi ng pagmamahal.
Love,
Manny Garcia

Dear Manny Garcia,
Ulol!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Narinig ko po sa balita na posibleng ideklarang pangulo ang aking late Papa. Puwede rin ba akong tawaging former presidential daughter?
Tempting,
Lovidovi

Dear Lovidovi,
Magpaalam ka muna sa tunay na asawa ng iyong ama. I heard you’re not in good terms. Kapag pumayag siya, go! Kung hindi, huwag malungkot dahil ikaw naman ang former future First Lady ng first district of Ilocos Sur. ‘Musta na si Ronald?
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Oo! Handa na ako! Isisiwalat ko na ang lahat-lahat tungkol sa dayaan noong 2004 pero sa isang kondisyon. Gusto ko via phone patch.
Demanding,
Garci

Dear Garci,
Wala kang karapatang mag-demand, punyeta ka! Kung lalabas ka, bilisan mo para umabot sa SONA. At ‘wag mong itanong kung magkano! Wala nang budget ang palasyo!
Heckler

Deal Plofessional Hecklel,
Sabi mo iyo mga conglessman, sila wag na balik Pag-Asa Island. Amin buo isla! Kami una ari Splatlys Islands. Pag kayo hindi tigil, kayo invade namin. Undelstand?
Xie xie,
Mr. Chinese Ambassador

Dear Mr. Chinese Ambassador,
Ikaw huwag bully. Kayo sumbong namin Amelicans. Sila amin friendship. Sila tulong amin. Hindi kami takot. Teka lang, bakit ako ganito salita? At bakit ikaw basa nang basa. Mukha ka rin tanga.
Hecklel

Dear Professional Heckler,
Matagal nang nali-link ang mister kong kongresista sa isang sexy comedienne/TV host. Pero wala naman akong pruweba. Dapat ko ba siyang iwan?
Hu-hu-hu,
Angela

Dear Angela,
In the first place, hindi mo siya dapat pinakasalan dahil second cousin mo siya! Bahala ka sa buhay mo! Malaswaaaa!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Uuwi na ako. Malapit na. Puwede bang mag-stay pansamantala sa inyo?
Excited,
Ate Guy

Dear Ate Guy,
First of all, hanga ako sa ‘yo. Ikaw lang ang GUY na GIRL. Pero ‘di ako naniniwalang uuwi ka. Wala kang pamasahe! Casino ka kasi nang casino! Tigilan mo na ‘yan!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Panay na panay ang banat mo sa amin. Mag-ingat ka g*go! At ’wag na ‘wag kang pupunta sa aming siyudad kung ayaw mong mabugbog!
Galit na galit,
Sara, Rudy, and Paolo

Dear Sara, Rudy, and Paolo
Ito lang ang masasabi ko: [click here]
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
It’s in the news today! I lost at least 6 inches off my waist. Bilib ka na ba?
Nagmamahal,
Mega

Dear Mega,
Weh? ‘Di nga?
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Sabi nila, na-rape ako. Feeling ko naman, na-harass lang. Ewan ko ba! Kumuha na ako ng abogado. Ano ba ang dapat kong gawin?
Naguguluhan,
Amanda

Dear Amanda,
Nagkamali ka iha. Hindi dapat abogado ang kinuha mo kundi bato – ‘tapos ipinukpok mo sana sa ulo mo para natauhan ka. Flirt!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
Itago mo na lang ako sa pangalang Piolo. Mayaman, maimpluwensya, mula sa iginagalang na pamilya at may mataas na posisyon sa pamahalaan. Fifty-one years old na ako pero wala pa rin akong girlfriend. Bakit kaya?
Worried,
Alias Piolo

Dear Piolo,
Pa-Piolo-Piolo ka pa d’yan utot mo! Kilala kita! Pinasok mo ang puwestong ‘yan, magtiis ka! ‘Tsaka… bago mo problemahin ang puso mo, asikasuhin mo muna ‘yang baga mo! Tumigil ka sa paninigarilyo! Okay? Good luck sa SONA mo! Bye!
Heckler

Dear Professional Heckler,
At present, I really need a brand-new car, possibly a 4 x 4. I am anticipating your favorable response on this regard. Be assured of my constant support. Thank you very much.
God Bless,
Bishop Pueblos

Dear Bishop Pueblos,
Wala ka talagang kadala-dala! ‘Tsaka anong “constant support” ang pinagsasasabi mo d’yan!? Hindi tayo magkakilala! Magtigil ka!
Heckler
———————————————————————————–
“From the beginning of our history the country has been afflicted with compromise. It is by compromise that human rights have been abandoned.”
~Charles Sumner

You Have Spoken
Kung mapatunayang nanalo nga si FPJ noong 2004, pabor ba kayo sa suhestyong isabit ang kanyang larawan sa palasyo?
-OO naman. 34.83%
-NO. 22.82%
-Ke isabit o hindi, ikakayaman ko ba ‘yan? 42.34%

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Enjoy the rest of the week!

LINTANG

“Hello! Kumusta kayong lahat?”
– The (only) words uttered by former Maguindanao elections supervisor Lintang Bedol in the press conference held Tuesday morning at the Commission on Elections

AFTER HIDING from law for more than four years, former Maguindanao election supervisor Lintang Bedol – Comelec officials claim, “surrendered voluntarily.” Or as one game show contestant would say, “Deal!”

Local Government Secretary Jesse Robredo admitted that he “facilitated” the surrender of Lintang Bedol. Take that Zaldy Ampatuan!

Ex-Maguindanao election supervisor Lintang Bedol finally surfaced Tuesday. Wearing a bulletproof vest, he attended the Comelec-sponsored “Batian Portion.”

“Hello! Kumusta kayong lahat!” Bedol greeted the media. And I was like, “Ano ka, si David Archuleta?”

Former election official Lintang Bedol has surfaced! He refused to talk to the press but his lawyer confirmed Bedol has learned to cook adobo, afritada, sinigang, embotido, and empanada with the help of Google while in hiding

Lawyer Lintang Bedol was a fugitive who ran away from the law. He’ll probably write a book in which he’d reveal, “kung saan ako nagtago.”

On Friday, Lintang Bedol will appear on ‘Umagang Kay Ganda’ to demonstrate his cooking skills with Anthony Taberna.

Now detained in Camp Crame, former Maguindanao election supervisor Lintang Bedol has begun serving his six-month prison sentence… or as Hubert Webb would say, “One week.”

Posthumous Declaration?
Sen. Francis Escudero said Fernando Poe Jr. could be posthumously declared winner of the 2004 presidential elections if it is proven that Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo rigged the results of the polls. But Escudero won’t say if Susan Roces could use the title, “former First Lady.”

Comelec Chairman Sixto Brillantes Jr. says the poll body can no longer undo the proclamation of President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo even if it is proven she manipulated the election results. Mike Arroyo can now heave a sigh of relief. He’s still the former First Gentleman!

Sara’s At Fault
A fact-finding committee formed by the DILG has found Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte guilty of “conduct unbecoming of a public official” for attacking a court sheriff last July 1. Meanwhile, a separate committee has also found Vice Mayor Rudy Duterte’s middle finger guilty of “gesture unbecoming of a body part” for offending people’s sensitivities.

The fact-finding committee formed by Interior and Local Government Secretary Jesse Robredo has found Davao City Mayor Sara Duterte guilty of “conduct unbecoming of a public official.” The committee recommends the filing of administrative charges against the mayor. It also recommends that Robredo avoid visiting Davao City ever.

Gecko News
The illegal trade of tukô or gecko in the Philippines via the Internet has been exposed, and authorities have warned against the sale of the reptile without government permit. In totally unrelated news, the Ombudsman has suspended Kalookan City Mayor Recom Echeverri for his failure to remit over P37 million in city employees’ contributions to the GSIS. At press time though, he continues to cling to his post.

Amanda Coling
Interviewed on live TV, controversial model Amanda Coling referred to herself as the “alleged victim.” See? Even she is doubting herself!

Initial reports say Amanda Coling is an applied physics graduate from UP. But the University of the Philippines quickly denied the report. It turned out that Coling was a graduate of another UP: University of Papansin.

Amanda Coling was interviewed on GMA 7’s ‘Showbiz Central’ last Sunday. Almost everyone agreed: it was a BAD decision. The only thing WORSE was Pia Guanio’s skills as interviewer.

————————————————————————————-
“It’s not the voting that’s democracy; it’s the counting.”
~Tom Stoppard, Jumpers

Elsewhere
GMA News: Boracay is 4th best island in the world

I’m hooked on “The Walking Dead.” Here’s a first look at Season 2.

GMA News: Amanda Coling’s official statement re: “Rape rumors”

Briefly Noted
From the people who brought us City Lite 88.3 and Joey@92.3 comes Mega Manila’s newest music hub: Radio High 105.9FM. Not for everyone.

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Have fun!

THE NERVE!

FORMER ALLY ZALDY AMPATUAN has come out and accused her of election fraud and graft. Ex-Maguindanao election supervisor Lintang Bedol has also named her as the brains behind the 2007 poll fraud in the province. And her name has been dragged into the PCSO fund controversy. Despite the allegations, erstwhile president and incumbent Pampanga Representative Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo has opted to remain silent.

Until now.

GMA has granted The Professional Heckler another exclusive interview. Here is the transcript of the unedited conversation.

The Professional Heckler: Welcome back and a great evening Mrs. President!
GMA: Not really! I just saw Zaldy and Bedol in the news.
Heckler: Later na ho natin pag-usapan ‘yan. How do I address you nga pala? Mrs. President? Madam Congresswoman? Ma’am Gloria?
GMA: It doesn’t matter ‘no. Hindi naman ako mashelan. Huwag mo lang akong tatawaging Tita dahil hindi kita pamangkin!

Heckler: Do you have an opening statement ma’am before I start asking questions?
GMA: Bakit? Senate hearing ba ‘to?! Akala ko interview lang?
Heckler: Oh, I’m so sorry ma’am. Sige po, any opening message na lang?
GMA: Ok, ok. Let me take this opportunity ‘noh to congratulate the Ateneo Blue Eagles. Ang hushay hushay n’yo, ‘no! Talon talaga ako nang talon kanina habang nanonood. Nasira ko nga yata ‘yong sofa eh! I am sho proud of my alma mater. I hope the feeling ish mutual ‘noh. At shobrang galing ni L.A. Revilla ‘noh! That rookie wash phenomenal in Game 2.
Heckler: Ma’am, taga-La Salle po si L.A. at hindi siya rookie.
GMA: Oh, na-confuse ako sa shobrang saya. I am shorry! One Big Fight, ‘noh?! Hihihi

Heckler: Diretso na tayo sa mga alegasyong ibinabato sa inyo ma’am.
GMA: Pakibilisan mo lang dahil may check up pa ako sa St. Luke’s ‘noh. Sumasakit na naman ang leeg ko. The nerve! It must be the nerve! At hindi ko puwedeng paghintayin si Dr. Juliet Cervantes. Mahal ang per hour no’n ‘noh.
Heckler: Sige po. Unang isyu: Ayon kay suspended ARMM Governor Zaldy Ampatuan, sangkot daw po kayo sa dayaan sa Maguindanao noong 2007.
GMA: Kung wala kang itatanong na bago, this interview is over! Shumashakit lang ang leeg ko sha ‘yo ‘noh!
Heckler: Eh ma’am, ngayon lang ho kasi nagsalita si Zaldy Ampatuan against you ‘di ba?
GMA: Noong 2004, ako. Noong 2007 ako. Baka bukash-makalawa, pati ‘yong Maguindanao Massacre sa ‘kin rin ibintang. Sa totoo lang ‘noh, nalulungkot ako sa mga nangyayaring ito. Zaldy and I have come a long way. Close ako sha pamilyang ‘yan and Maguindanao was like my second home in Mindanao next only to Iligan. Mashakit sa akin ang mapagbintangan ng ishang bagay na wala akong kaalam-alam. I categorically deny that ‘noh.
Heckler: Ano pong mensahe n’yo kay Zaldy Ampatuan?
GMA: Zaldy, friendship, wala namang ganyanan ‘noh. Alam mo ang totoo. Huwag mo akong idawit d’yan! Let’s just all move on… ‘noh? Huwag kang mag-alala, shuportado ko ang plano mong pagpapalit ng pangalan. I will text you some suggestions after my check up, ‘no?

Heckler: Lintang Bedol, ma’am. Ayon sa kanya, kayo raw ang arkitekto ng dayaan sa Maguindanao noong 2007.
GMA: Paano ako magiging arkitekto? Arroyo ang apelyido ko, hindi Palafox ‘noh! Jussh kidding. Hihihi Hindi ko kilala ‘yang si Lintang Bedol na ‘yan at wala akong pakialam ke linta man ‘yan, kuto o pulgash. Walang katotohanan ang shinashabi n’yan ‘noh.
Heckler: Sa inyong palagay ma’am, bakit po siya lumantad?
GMA: Ngayon ko lang shashabihin ‘to ‘noh. At sa ‘yo lang. Malakash ang kutob kong may kinalaman si Ping sa paglabash ni Bedol.
Heckler: Shi Shenator Lacshon ho?
GMA: Umayosh ka! Huwag mong gayahin ang S-defect ko. Oo! Si Shenator Lacshon. Ano bang shabi ni Bedol sa interviewsh sa kanya? “Kaibigan ko si Lacshon.” ‘Yon ang sabi niya. Shinong reporter ang naglabash ng ishtorya? ‘Di ba shi Anthony Taberna? Shino si Anthony Taberna? Inaanak sha kashal ni Shenator Lacshon. You do the math ‘noh.
Heckler: Hindi naman siguro gano’n ma’am.
GMA: Marunong ka pa sa akin! Shino bang interviewee dito? Ikaw o ako? Gushto mo palit na lang tayo ng puweshto? How’s your sex life iho?
Heckler: Sorry naman ma’am. Mensahe na lang ho n’yo kay Lintang Bedol…
GMA: Wala… ‘noh! Pero may mensahe ako kay Migs Zubiri. Migs, anak… alam mong ginawa namin ang lahat para sa ‘yo! Huwag kang bibitaw. Two more years. Kaya mo ‘yan noh?

Heckler: Rosario Uriarte ma’am. Gaano kayo kalapit sa kanya?
GMA: Oh, si Roshario! Matagal ko nang kaibigan ‘yang si Roshario, DTI days pa namin ‘noh. Pero ewan ko ba sha babaeng ‘yan! Until now, wala pa ring effort mag-ayosh ng sharili. Ni-refer ko na ‘yan sha aking stylist noon, pero look at her today! Deshpicable!
Heckler: Pirmado n’yo po ang mga PCSO memoranda kung saan makikitang nag-request ng millions and millions of funds si Mrs. Uriarte.
GMA: Sandali lang. Hindi pa ako taposh sa hairstyle ni Roshario. My goodnessh, she is attending a Shenate hearing ‘noh… not a lotto draw! Pero tingnan mo ang kanyang buhok! Ghastly, atrocious, contemptible…. ‘noh!? Ano ngang question mo?
Heckler: From 2008 to 2010, you approved some 325 million pesos in confidential intelligence funds. Para saan po ‘yon?
GMA: As the name suggests, it’s confidential. Next question!

Heckler: Ang sabi ni Senator TG Guingona, plunder ang nangyari. Pandarambong sa pera ng PCSO!
GMA: Hindi na ako nashoshorpresa! Kung gaano kalaki ang mga tainga ng TG na ‘yan, gano’n din kalaki ang galit nilang mag-ama sha akin. Ayaw ko na siyang patulan.

GMA: Shandali lang, ia-adjust ko muna ang aking brace dahil kumikirot na naman ang leeg ko. The nerve! It must be the nerve! Last three questions na lang puwede?
Heckler: Nang matanggap n’yo ho ang sulat ni Butuan Bishop Juan De Dios Pueblos asking for a brand new car, anong naramdaman n’yo?
GMA: Honeshtly?
Heckler: Kung kaya n’yo, sige.
GMA: Gusto mo umalis na ‘ko?
Heckler: Sorry ulit ma’am. Sige po, honestly…
GMA: At first, nagulat ako. May pagka-demanding ang tono ni Bishop Pueblosh. Pero dahil ayaw ko nang madagdagan ang kaaway kong obispo, pinalampas ko na lang ang pagiging choosy niya. Shabi nga nila, if you can’t beat them, bribe them… ‘noh?

Heckler: Sa hearing po last week, tinanong ni Sen. Jinggoy Estrada si Bishop Pueblos kung tatanggap ba siya ng pera mula sa devil basta’t makakatulong ito sa mahihirap. Ang sagot po ni Bishop Pueblos, oo daw. Ang tanong ko po sa inyo: Kung kayo po ay magiging devil… why not?
GMA: “Hello? Dr. Cervantes? Yes… yes. I’m on my way. See you.”
Heckler: Teka lang naman ma’am. Hindi pa ho ko ‘tapos. I will rephrase the question na lang: Kung susulat ho ulit sa inyo si Bishop Pueblosh upang humingi ng brand new car, bibigyan n’yo ba?
GMA: I don’t think it’s necessary. As my father, the late Ka Dadong told me, “Do what ish right, do what ish best, and Romy Macalintal & Lito Atienza will do the rest.”

Heckler: Malapit na po ang State of the Nation Address ni Pangulong Aquino. Dadalo ho ba kayo?
GMA: What for? Alam ko na naman ang sasabihin n’ya… ‘no? “Dahil kay Gloria lumobo ang utang ng PCSO. Dahil kay Gloria, nagkaroon ng fish kill. Dahil kay Gloria, nanapak si Sara Duterte. Dahil kay Gloria, na-rape daw si Amanda Coling. Dahil kay Gloria, nabuntis si Andi Eigenmann. Dahil kay Gloria, walang girlfriend ang inyong pangulo.” Lahat na lang dahil sa ‘kin!
Heckler: Eh baka naman po talagang dahil sa inyo?
GMA: Dahil d’yan… tapos na tayo!
Heckler: Hahaha Nagbibiro lang ma’am. We’re almost done! Punta na tayo sa paborito kong segment, ang Rapid Round. Sabihin n’yo sa akin kung ano ang unang pumapasok sa isip n’yo kapag nababanggit ang mga sumusunod na pangalan. Ready na ho kayo?
GMA: Teka lang, ia-adjust ko muna ang brace ko. Ooops, the nerve. It must be the nerve. Kumikirot na naman ang leeg ko. Wait! There! Ok na! Game!

Heckler: Ok! Let’s begin! Bishop Pueblos…
GMA: Caring.

Heckler: Sara Duterte…
GMA: Daring.

Heckler: Leila De Lima…
GMA: Dating! Ang shaya-shaya ‘noh? May boyfriend pala siya.

Heckler: Mar Roxas…
GMA: Balay.

Heckler: Rosario Uriarte…
GMA: Suklay.

Heckler: Pangulong Aquino…
GMA: Walang malay!

Heckler: Bakit naman walang malay ma’am?
GMA: I don’t have to elaborate. Wala naman sa rules ng game ‘noh?!

Heckler: Fine! Next… Jose Ping De Jesus…
GMA: He quit.

Heckler: Charice Pempengco…
GMA: A hit.

Heckler: Zaldy Ampatuan…
GMA: Ayyy, shit!

Heckler: Palace social secretary Susan Reyes…
GMA: Kabit?!? Ay tsismis nga lang pala ‘yong sha kanila ni Mar. Shorry Ate Koring. I wash jusht kidding. Ang saya-saya ‘noh?

Heckler: FYI lang Mrs. President, noong nasa Europe ho kayo, nag-deny na si Ate Koring. Going strong pa rin daw ang pagsasama nila.
GMA: Hay naku! Ganyang-ganyan din ang statement ko noon. You know naman kung anong nangyari ‘di ba? Anyway, next!

Heckler: Noli De Castro…
GMA: Announcer.

Heckler: Rodrigo Duterte…
GMA: Silencer!

Heckler: Panfilo Lacson?
GMA: Dacer? Ang suwerte-suwerte n’ya, ‘noh?

Heckler: Finally, Dinky Soliman…
GMA: Traydor!

Heckler: Erap…
GMA: Emperador!

Heckler: Lilia Pineda…
GMA: Kubrador. Ooops, shorry ulit… paki-erase na lang ng part na ito, please? Mahal ko ang kumare kong ‘yan ‘noh?

Heckler: Mrs. President, I have a hypothetical question. Sana po ay sagutin n’yo. Kung sakali pong makulong kayo habambuhay dahil sa katiwalian at kurapsyon, ‘buti nga sa ‘yo!
GMA: Teka, teka, medyo nalito ako. Your question is…
Heckler: ‘Di bale na lang po, baka ma-late kayo sa inyong appointment. Huling tanong na lang po: Ano pong grado ang ibibigay n’yo sa performance ng ating Pangulo after a year in office?
GMA: Alam naman ng lahat na naging estudyante ko ‘yan sa Ateneo ‘noh. Well, some things never change. Pasang-awa pa rin. If it’s any consolation, consistent siya sa kanyang sub-par performance.

Heckler: Any advice po sa ating Pangulo?
GMA: I only have three words for him: “Tigilan mo na ako!”
Heckler: Ma’am, four words po ‘yan.
GMA: The nerve! It must be the nerve. Sorry, I have to go. Thank you.
Heckler: Thank you rin ma’am.
-END OF INTERVIEW-
——————————————————————————-
“Thoughts lead on to purposes; purposes go forth in action; actions form habits; habits decide character; and character fixes our destiny.”
~Tryon Edwards

Quote of the Weak
“Tell that to the anchovies. They treat the public like small fishes with small brains.”
-Lawyer Raul Lambino on palace claims it had nothing to do with Zaldy Ampatuan’s and Lintang Bedol’s statements against his client, the Arroyos

You Have Spoken
Dapat bang imbestigahan ang mga rebelasyon nina Lintang Bedol at Zaldy Ampatuan kaugnay ng dayaan sa Maguindanao noong 2007?
-Dapat lang para may closure. 53.74%
-Move on. 19.05%
-Wala akong pakialam. Uy, na-try n’yo na ba ang Google+ ? 27.21%

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Have a great week ahead!

LAPSES

DID YOU MONITOR the Senate Blue Ribbon Committee’s hearing on the PCSO fund mess Wednesday? The hearing was attended by several bishops plus, of course, their savior, the senators.


At least eight bishops and a dozen senators converged Wednesday in the Senate. It was a face-off between pretentious, holier-than-thou, self-proclaimed devout Catholics, and bishops.

PCSO chair Margie Juico apologized for saying that the bishops received “Pajeros.” Sen. Jinggoy Estrada lectured Juico, and said “As a devout Catholic, it pains me to hear that our bishops are involved in anomalies here in our country.” To which, the bishops replied, “The feeling is mutual.”

Butuan Bishop Juan De Dios Pueblos admitted that he made a “lapse in judgment” when he asked for “a brand new car.” And in a move that shocked both the bishops and senators, Virgilio Garcillano issued a statement saying he never gave Pueblos a car.

Reading from a prepared opening statement, controversial Butuan Bishop Juan De Dios Pueblos admitted that he made a “lapse in judgement” in asking for “a brand new car” from former president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. As soon as he was done reading, the other bishops held hands and started singing, “If We Hold on Together.”

Actress Susan Roces who was watching Bishop Pueblos on TV was like, “Ang sinungaling ay kapatid ng magnanakaw! You wrote that letter not once, but twice!”

Zaldy
Former governor Zaldy Ampatuan revealed that ex-president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo was involved in the election fraud in Maguindanao in 2007. Likewise, he  revealed that Jose Rizal was killed by the Spanish; the Earth revolves around the sun, and John Lennon was shot by Mark David Chapman.

Apparently, Zaldy Ampatuan wants to turn state witness. Against Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

Zaldy Ampatuan has initiated court proceedings to change his last name. He is seeking a little compassion and empathy from the public. Hopefully, the judge would grant his petition to use the surname Mangudadatu.

Lintang Bedol
Former Maguindanao election supervisor Lintang Bedol has surfaced and accused the Arroyos of masterminding the election fraud in Maguindanao in 2007. Oh, I thought Lintang Bedol was dead. Well, now he is.

Lintang Bedol has exposed the alleged massive poll fraud in Maguindanao in 2007. Following his revelation, Bedol expressed fear for his life while Miguel Zubiri expressed fear for his post.

With his revelations against the Arroyos and other officials of the previous administration, Lintang Bedol has expressed fear for his life. He now considers changing his name.

De Lima’s Lovelife
Interviewed on ANC’s Strictly Politics, Justice Secretary Leila De Lima, whose marriage was annulled in 2001, admitted that she has a boyfriend. The 51-year-old single mom refuses to identify the guy nor his background but reveals she has six (new) witnesses to prove her claim.

Justice Secretary Leila De Lima has a lovelife. Take that Mr. President!

Absent!
Among congressmen with the most number of absences in sessions, Sarangani Rep. Manny Pacquiao placed fourth. In other words, he’s not present when solons deliberate on important issues. How are they able to tell?

Ang Galing Pinoy party-list Rep. Mikey Arroyo topped the list of absentees in the House of Representatives. In May 2011 alone, Mikey failed to attend a single session of the chamber. In totally unrelated news, Rufa Mae Quinto topped the list of absentees among “Showbiz Central” hosts for the month of May.
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“Men of ill judgment ignore the good that lies within their hands, ‘til they have lost it.”
~Sophocles

Quote of the Week
“Manny’s a good friend, I actually love him. I love his tenacity, I love his competitiveness. So, Manny’s my guy.”
~NBA superstar Kobe Bryant on Manny Pacquiao

You Have Spoken
Dapat bang ipagbawal ang billboard ng mga naka-underwear na modelo/celebrities??
-Dapat lang. Offensive! 35.36%
-Hayaan na lang! Karapatan nila ‘yan. 26.15%
-Big deal? Ke meron o wala, wala akong pakialam sa mga ‘yan. 38.49%

Kobe! Kobe! Kobe!
It was an awesome experience – as always. Kobe’s fourth visit to Manila was the most attended. Araneta Coliseum was filled to the rafters. Laker and non-Laker fans trooped to the Big Dome Wednesday to see the Black Mamba.

Thank you again TJ Manotoc for the tickets. I was seated beside two Azkals, Jason Sabio and Simon Greatwich, whom I wrongly identified in my tweet as Rob Gier. Apologies.

Thank you Kobe for the visit. Lakers4ever.

Personal
I have a Twitter follower whose father, Mr. Lory Ordenes is a regular reader of this blog. Magandang araw po sa mga taga-Sablayan, Occidental Mindoro and thanks for reading sir!

Enjoy the rest of the week!

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