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LIGHT BULB JOKES 2018

19 08 2018

This article first appeared in the Opinion Page of the Philippine Daily Inquirer on August 18, 2018.

Q: How many Rodrigo Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to curse the darkness.

Q: How many Rodrigo Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The report about the burnt out bulb is “pure speculation.”

Q: How many members of the Duterte administration does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five:
1. One to announce that the light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to create a controversial viral dance video about it;
3. One to blame ‘dilawans” for the old bulb burning out;
4. One to buy a new bulb from China, and
5. One to publish a fake news article titled, “Duterte voted best electrician in the solar system”

Q: How many Antonio Trillaneses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to initiate a probe into the possible involvement of President Duterte in the old light bulb’s ‘death.’

Q: How many Ben Tulfos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. But he’ll demand P60 million for doing the task.

Q: How many Wanda Teo-Tulfos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to go shopping for a new bulb and one to change it.

Q: How many Richard Gordons does it take to change light bulb?
A: Only one. He holds the bulb in place and enjoys the moment as the world revolves around him.

Q: How many Alan Peter Cayetanos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he follows the step by step instructions of the Chinese.

Q: How many big time drug lords does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to smuggle the new light bulb and one to meet with the president to deny he was the supplier of the burnt out bulb.

Q: How many Gloria Macapagal-Arroyos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At least three. The ceiling is too high.

Q: How many Sara Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. But she’ll make some calls to make sure the old bulb is replaced.

Q: How many minority bloc members in the Lower House does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Which minority bloc?

Q: How many economic managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he’ll insist on raising taxes to collect funds to buy a new bulb.

Q: How many ‘dilawans’ does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Thousands to chant, “Tama na! Sira na! Palitan na!” and one to replace it.

Q: How many BBM media influencers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many Persida Acostas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to call a press conference to present the burnt-out bulb.

Q: How many Manny Pacquiaos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Light bulbs are not mentioned in the Bible.

Q: How many millennials does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to record it live on Instagram.

Q: How many Mocha Usons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Are you sure you want her to do the job?

Q: How many Kris Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to record the moment for the whole world to see.

Q: How many Alma Morenos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Dasal lang, dasal lang talaga.

Q: How many Tito Sottos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (The punchline has been taken down upon the request of the senator.)

Q: How many Presidential Communications Operations Office copywriters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Tree.
____________________________________________________________________________________
“Facts are threatening to those invested in fraud.”
~DaShanne Stokes

Sound Bites
“Woe to you who drive the poor victims of drugs more deeply into poverty and misery! You who neither respect human rights nor human lives. You who trample on people’s dignity because they are poor and are unable to defend themselves!”
~Caloocan Bishop Pablo Virgilio David on the occasion of the first murder anniversary of Kian Lloyd De Los Santos

Indeed.

I still am on Twitter: @hecklerforever8

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LET THERE BE LIGHT (2016)

12 11 2016

untitled
Light bulb jokes, anyone?

Q: How many President Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One but it will probably take him 3 to 6 months (or even longer) to accomplish it.

Q: How many President Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to buy a new bulb from China and another to change it.

Q: How many President Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds the bulb and the universe revolves around him.

Q: How many President Dutertes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and another to curse America out of habit.

Q: How many Vitaliano Aguirres does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and another to insist that Leila De Lima was responsible for the old bulb burning out.

Q: How many high-profile inmates does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Depends. What do they get in return?

Q: How many Leila De Limas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and another to initiate a probe on the possible involvement of President Duterte in the old light bulb’s death.

Q: How many General Bato De la Rosas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one but he’ll only do it in front of TV cameras and photographers.

Q: How many palace spokespersons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At least five. One to change it and four to interpret what just happened.

Q: How many Alan Peter Cayetanos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and another to downplay the light bulb’s “death” saying more light bulbs “died” during the previous administration.

Q: How many Kris Aquinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to tease the ‘event’ on Instagram, another to officially announce it in a presscon, and the third to actually change it.

Q: How many Supreme Court justices does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 14. Five to change it and nine to bury the burnt bulb at the Libingan ng mga Bayani.

Q: How many Official Gazette editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the new bulb and another to screw it in again – but with a new twist.

Q: How many Duterte fanatics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They won’t because the light bulb is “dilawan” and they hate anything “yellow.”

Q: How many Mocha Usons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and another to insinuate on Facebook that the “dead” light bulb took drugs and it deserved to die.

Q: How many Sandro Marcoses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The question is: does he even know what a light bulb is?

Q: How many La Salle basketeers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to import a reliable and really good light bulb and another to shout “Animo La Salle” while the third is changing it.

Q: How many UST basketeers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They would rather change their coach.

Q: How many UP Pep Squad members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They rather not. Maybe next year.

Q: How many Alma Morenos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Dasal lang. Dasal lang talaga.
————————————————————————————————————————
“To fight evil, you have to understand the dark.”
~Nalini Singh, ‘Heart of Obsidian’

Soundbites
“President Duterte, please give me a chance. I hope one day mamahalin mo rin ako.”
~Kris Aquino on Duterte’s snub of a scheduled interview

Do not insist.

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photo courtesy of Vector Stock and Mochablogger]








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