Advertisements

STAR(FRUIT) FOR ALL SEASONS

15 04 2010

IT’S THE DAY’s BIGGEST NEWS.
Albay Governor Joey Salceda who called an emergency caucus of Lakas governors at Discovery Suites in Pasig City last April 6 to conduct a loyalty check on Lakas members has bolted the ruling coalition! Apparently, Salceda got so busy checking out his party mates’ loyalty; he totally forgot to check out his.

Just so you know, Noynoy Aquino and Joey Salceda were classmates at the Ateneo de Manila University from the late ‘70s to the early ‘80s… or as their flirty female classmates would say, “unlucky years.”

Joey Salceda revealed that he and Noynoy Aquino were seatmates in the English class in Ateneo. They were not that close then although one time they plagiarized some compositions together.

According to Albay Governor Joey Salceda, Noynoy Aquino was his seatmate in the English class in Ateneo some 30 years back. Salceda will never ever forget the young Noynoy… mainly because he was the only one who owned a lighter then.

Albay Governor Joey Salceda who called an emergency caucus of Lakas governors at Discovery Suites in Pasig City last April 6 to conduct a loyalty check on Lakas members has bolted the ruling coalition! It was like Dinky Soliman leading the Arroyo cabinet in singing “If We Hold On (Together),” and then calling for her president’s ouster the succeeding week.

After calling on his party mates to rally behind Gilbert Teodoro, Albay Governor Joey Salceda has bolted the party and announced his support for Noynoy Aquino. Lakas stalwarts were reportedly shocked by Salceda’s announcement because they expected him to support Danton Remoto’s “Ang Ladlad” instead.

Bugtong:
Higit sa isa ang mukha
May payat at may mataba
Berde kung hilaw
kapag hinog ay dilaw.
Ano ito?
Sagot: Balimbing (or Starfruit; Averrhoa carambola)

At ilan sa mga kilalang berde na pilit nahinog nitong mga nakaraang buwan ay ang mga balimbing sa larawan. Nasa inyo na ang pagpapasya kung sila ay inyong pipitasin sa darating na halalan.

Bawat isa sa kanila ay may ibinigay na dahilan kung bakit nila iniwan ang kanilang partido. Natatandaan mo pa ba kung ano ang kanilang “excuse?” Alamin sa pamamagitan ng pagsagot sa pagsusulit na ito.

Panuto: Isilid sa isang hinog na balimbing o ponkan (depende sa partidong nilipatan) ang titik ng tamang sagot. Tandaan: gumamit ng hinog na balimbing o ponkan lamang: bawal ang hilaw at bawal ang manibalang. Narito ang halimbawa ng tamang pagmamarka sa napiling sagot:

May sampung minuto ka upang sagutin ang tanong: Bakit nga ba sila lumipat?

1: Dating NEDA Director General Ralph Recto:
A: “Natalo na ‘ko noong 2007, ayokong matalo uli ngayon. Masakit sa bulsa. ‘Di pa nga ako nakakabawi eh!”
B: “I think you have a good team in the LP under the leadership of Senator Noynoy and Senator Mar.”
C: “’Package deal’ kasi. Nang alukin ng Liberal si Vi, siyempre damay na ko. What is marriage for?”
D: “Hindi ko kailangang mag-explain sa ‘yo. Ano ka, si Serge Osmeña? Kung ‘di mo ako kayang tanggapin, umalis ka!”

2: Former Ilocos Sur Governor Luis ‘Chavit’ Singson:
A: “Si Erap nga na parang kapatid ko na, tinraydor ko pa. Si Gilbert Teodoro pa kaya na ‘di ko man lang nakainuman o nakasama sa casino?”
B: “Kung kanino si Manny Pacquiao, doon ako.”
C: “Mas matagal na kasi sa politics si Villar. Mas marami siyang kilala. ‘Tsaka siya ang gusto ng mga kababayan ko. Sino ba ko para sumalungat sa kanila?”
D: “God knows Hudas not stay!”

3: Mandaluyong City Rep. Neptali Gonzales III
A: “Dating back to the ‘60s, our relationship with the Aquinos and the Roxases is something na hindi ko puwedeng talikuran.”
B: “Ang tagal ng pondo. Nainip na ‘ko.”
C: “Hinintay ko lang ang latest survey at tiniyak kong lamang pa rin si Noynoy para sure.”
D: “Bakit ba kayo nakikialam? Taga-Mandaluyong ba kayo?!?”


4: Albay Governor Joey Salceda
A: “Deep in my heart, hindi ko kayang ikampanya ang isang La Sallista. Bali-baligtarin man ang mundo, kahit ano pang mangyari, halata man o hindi, Atenista pa rin ako.”
B: “Titigan n’yo ang picture sa ‘taas. Kuha ‘yan nang samahan ako ni Gibô sa pagpa-file ng aking certificate of candidacy. Napilitan lang akong mag-smile d’yan!”
C: “I accepted the challenge of my Ateneo classmate Noynoy to become the Bicol regional chairman of the Liberal Party. My task is to make him win in Bicol on May 10.”
D: “Matagal na akong nagtitiis bilang berdeng caterpillar. Panahon na upang iwagayway ang aking mga dilaw na pakpak bilang paru-paro! To paraphrase Ricky Martin, ‘I am a fortunate butterfly!’ Promise!”

5: Quezon City Mayor Feliciano Belmonte
A: “Kung mananatili ako sa Lakas, hindi ako magiging House Speaker. Career move ‘to.”
B: “Enlightened, dependable, trustworthy and morally upright: All of these qualities of Cory, I see in our new champion, Sen. Noynoy Aquino.”
C: “Naunang lumipat ang anak kong si Joy eh. Tatay lang ako. Kung saan siya masaya, suportahan ko siya.”
D: “Noynoy and I have a lot of things in common. Single ako, single siya. Umuulan ng celebrities sa aking siyudad; bumabaha ng celebrities sa kanyang ad.”

6: Surigao Del Norte Governor Robert Ace Barbers
A: “Wala lang. Trip ko lang.”
B: “Ang Nacionalista kasi ang susunod na pinakamalaking political party after the 2010 elections.”
C: “Pati ba naman taong nananahimik dito sa Surigao, napansin pa ng punyetang Professional Heckler na ‘yan? Baka gusto niyang matulad siya kay Mike Enriquez?!? ”
D: “Puwede bang kantahin ko na lang? 1-2-3! Si Villar ang tunay na mahirap/ Si Villar ang tunay na may malasakit!”

7: House Speaker Prospero Nograles
A: “Even as a senior officer of the party, I hardly know what’s happening because they make decisions without the courtesy of even briefing us. I don’t even get any text saying hi or hello from our party standard-bearer.”
B: “Delikado kasi ‘yung mayoral bid ko sa Davao. ‘Yung Duterte Death Squad, este Duterte family, suportado ni Noynoy. Kailangan ko ng mas malakas na backer like Villar.”
C: “Lilinawin ko lang! Hindi totoong iiwan ko ang partido! Hindi totoong ako ay balimbing! At hindi totoong tumakbo ako nang nakahubad sa isang hotel! Damn it! Kailangan ko pa bang ulit-ulitin ‘yan?”
D: “Who says I’m leaving Lakas? Puwede ko namang ikampanya nang palihim si Villar kahit ‘di ako Nacionalista ah. Si Presidente nga kinakaya… ako pa?!”

8: Bukidnon Governor Jose Ma. Zubiri
A: “Nagpasya akong lumipat kay Villar dahil… hindi ko sure kung mag-o-offer si Noynoy.”
B: “Memoryado ng aking mga apo ang “dagat ng basura” ad ni Villar. Mahal ko ang aking mga apo. Mahal nila si Villar. Mahal ko na rin siya.”
C:I cannot stomach Lakas’ alliance with Kampi.”
D: “Napagkasunduan namin ‘yan ng aking mga anak. Sina Migs, mananatili sa Lakas; ako naman, sa Nacionalista. Mas maraming partido, mas maraming pondo.”

9. Batangas Governor Vilma Santos
A: “Akala n’yo ba walang matibay na dahilan ang aking paglipat? Akala n’yo lang, wala! Pero meron! Meron!”
B: “Katulad po ng sinabi ni Ralph sa question No. 1 sa taas… masakit matalo. Malaki-laki rin ang nawala sa amin sa kampanya noong 2007. Ayaw na naming maulit ‘yon.”
C: “I think Noynoy can give us that inspiration because of the inspiration instilled to us by his parents.”
D: “Bakit ako lumipat sa Liberal Party? Hmmm, alam n’yo po, matagal kong pinag-isipan ‘yang desisyon na ‘yan. I prayed hard for guidance. Hindi po madali sa akin ang iwan ang Lakas. Pero isa lang po ang tinitiyak ko sa aking mga kababayan sa Batangas: matagal kong pinag-isipan ang desisyon kong ito and I really prayed hard for guidance. Dahil sa totoo lang, hindi po madaling iwan ang Lakas. Thank you!”
—————————-
“Unless you can find some sort of loyalty, you cannot find unity and peace in your active living.”
~Josiah Royce

Survey Says
Ayon sa ABS-CBN: “Mula sa Nacionalista Party ang pekeng ‘psychiatric report’ ni Noynoy.” Ang sagot ng Nacionalista Party: “Sino sa amin? ‘Di totoo ‘yan!”
Ang tanong: dapat bang ibunyag ng ABS-CBN ang source nila sa NP?
Ang resulta ng survey:
DAPAT LANG! 70%
HINDI NA KAILANGAN! 25%
HINDI KO ALAM ANG ISYU. 4%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Trivia:The 1955 Academy Award-winning film Oklahoma! was shot entirely in Arizona because producers believed that Arizona looked more like Oklahoma than Oklahoma did!

Sa nangyayaring exodus ng Lakas members sa Liberal Party at Nacionalista Party, hindi na ako magtataka kung ang LP at NP ay mas mag-asal-Lakas kaysa sa orihinal na Lakas pagkatapos ng eleksyon. Good luck sa ating lahat!

Advertisements




RACE ROUNDUP

4 12 2009

IN DECLARING her bid for a Congressional seat in Pampanga, President Arroyo said, “Public service is emblazoned on my DNA.” Geneticists who were monitoring the announcement on TV almost believed Mrs. Arroyo’s claim about the quality of her DNA… until they saw Mikey Arroyo.

Contrary to initial reports, President Arroyo is running against three opponents in next year’s elections. They were identified as… Luzon, Visayas, and Mindanao.

A day after Joseph Estrada filed his certificate of candidacy, former congressman Mark Jimenez filed his own CoC. Two ex-convicts are now running for president. Welcome to the Philippines!

Sen. Richard Gordon has joined his nephew, Olongapo City Councilor John Carlos “JC” Gordon De Los Reyes in the presidential derby. With neither uncle nor nephew expected to give way, observers predict a very tight race… for fifth place.

Former MMDA chairman Bayani Fernando, who has been very vocal about his presidential ambitions has decided to run for vice president instead. He is now seeking the endorsement of the Pink Sisters.

Joseph Estrada reportedly got pissed when Nacionalista Party’s Manuel Villar Jr. used his trademark “orange” as official campaign color. This prompted Estrada’s advisers to adopt ‘tangerine’ instead as their new color – a move that further incensed the former president who found it hard to spell ‘tangerine.’

Reelectionist senator Ramon “Bong” Revilla Jr. of Lakas-Kampi-CMD is a guest candidate of at least four other political parties: Partido ng Masang Pilipino, Nationalist People’s Coalition, Nacionalista Party, and Laban ng Demokratikong Pilipino. But that was nothing compared to Sen. Mar Roxas who used to be a guest on at least five: Wowowee, A.S.A.P., The Buzz, SNN, and Rated K.

While other presidentiables filed their certificates of candidacy with throngs of supporters, nobody (not even her husband) accompanied Sen. Jamby Madrigal when she filed her CoC. Jamby was a ‘one-man team.’

Former senator and Dangerous Drugs Board chairman Vicente “Tito” Sotto III will run for senator under the banner of the Nationalist People’s Coalition. He is also a guest candidate… on Eat Bulaga – daily.

The ruling Lakas-Kampi-CMD Party announced Tuesday that lawyer Raul Lambino would be one of its senatorial candidates in the 2010 polls. Two days later though, he was dropped from the slate after he tried to change the party’s charter.

The Commission on Elections has announced that it has discovered a simple but sure way of determining the precise number of morons in the country through next year’s elections. Thanks to the re-election bid of Sen. Lito Lapid.

Ateneo De Manila University professor Danton Remoto will run for senator as an independent candidate. He is open to alliances though but as to which party, he doesn’t know yet. He’s confused.

Television reporter Alex Tinsay is running for senator under Bro. Eddie Villanueva’s ticket. Tinsay, a veteran reporter on GMA 7 has opted to quit his career in broadcast journalism… after getting tired of pretending he’s got one.

According to Comelec, 75 percent of those who filed for national posts were not serious. To illustrate: say, you have Jamby, Erap, Ely Pamatong, and Mark Jimenez… remove the 75 percent and you’re left with Ely Pamatong.

THIS JUST IN!
The latest Pulse Asia survey showed that 43 percent of respondents would “surely not vote for” a presidential candidate endorsed by President Arroyo. Asked if he’d still seek GMA’s endorsement, Gilbert Teodoro said, “Sino ‘yon?”

In Local Politics…
Incumbent Batangas governor, Vilma Santos is seeking re-election. Her husband, former senator Ralph Recto is seeking redemption.

Former First Lady Imelda Marcos is making a political comeback. She just filed her certificate of candidacy for representative of Ilocos Norte’s second district. Her campaign slogan? “The shoe must go on.”

President Arroyo’s staunch ally, Mrs. Lilia Pineda will try her luck again in Pampanga’s gubernatorial race against re-electionist priest-on-leave Among Ed Panlilio. Asked about her chances of winning, a very confident Pineda answered, “Katorse/sais! Tumbok ng otsenta/sahod ng beinte.”

Former Presidential Chief of Staff Mike Defensor is running for mayor of Quezon City against outgoing vice mayor Herbert Bautista. Herbert is keeping the location of his headquarters a secret for fear that Defensor will conduct a raid to “rescue” the actor’s supporters.

Jejomar Erwin “Junjun” Binay Jr., son of outgoing Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay is running for mayor in 2010 – a move that surprised Makati voters who thought that the Binay family [rulers of the city for 23 years now] would endorse their very loyal vice mayor Nestor Mercado for the post. Asked why he refused to give way to Mercado, Junjun Binay said, “because public service is emblazoned on my DNA, too.”

For the first time in the history of Makati City and perhaps, the country’s local politics, the two frontrunners in the mayoral race are both black.

Still in Makati, Cong. Teddyboy Locsin and former congressman Butz Aquino have severed ties with Mayor Jejomar Binay. The Binay family’s control of Makati is now down to 98 percent.

The People’s Champ, Manny Pacquiao made true his promise (or threat) to file his CoC for representative of the lone district of Sarangani Province. To articulate his vision for the province, Pacman has named an official spokesperson: Michael Buffer. [Altogether now: Leeet’s get ready to rumble!]

And finally, Aiko Melendez, Roderick Paulate, Ara Mina, Alfred Vargas, Arnell Ignacio, Isko Moreno, Daisy Reyes, Lani Mercado, Rico J. Puno, Jestoni Alarcon, Cesar Montano, Richard Gomez, Anjo Yllana, Joey Marquez, Alma Moreno, Gian Sotto, Dan Fernandez, Marjorie Barretto, and Jigo Garcia all filed their CoCs for various posts in next year’s elections. The number of celebrities who came out last Tuesday was so huge, Comelec officials thought Noynoy Aquino was shooting another TV ad.
_________
“An election cannot give a country a firm sense of direction if it has two or more national parties which merely have different names but are as alike in their principles and aims as two peas in the same pod.”
~Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Postcript: Sa gitna ng piyesta at karnabal na nagaganap ngayon sa bansa dahil sa eleksyon, ang tanong ng bayan: meron pa ba tayong bise-presidente? Please lang po. Sakaling may impormasyon kayo hinggil sa taong nasa larawan, ipagbigay-alam lamang sa pinakamalapit na presinto. Marami pong salamat.

Survey Says
Your take on President Arroyo’s decision to seek a Congressional seat in Pampanga:
It’s her right. Hayaan na natin. :15%
Immunity from suit ang habol niya! 67%
Who cares, Care Bears? 18%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

I’ve Got Mail!
From Philippine Star columnist Billy Esposo:
US Ambassador Kristie Kenney: “After several years, our people recovered from 9/11.
I pray that the Filipino people will soon recover from the 4’11.”

Have a great weekend!





SAVAGE II

27 11 2009

FIFTY-SEVEN PEOPLE MURDERED. It’s hard to write a funny blog entry when the week’s biggest issue involves not just a family of political warlords but a clan of savage beasts.

Photos of the Weak

Ano ang angkop na caption, pamagat, o deskripsyon para sa mga larawang ito?
A) “Zoo Warning: Huwag lumapit sa hayop. Pumapatay.”

B) “Hindi ako natatakot! Si Siegfred Fortun ang abogado ko! Abogado yata ni Erap ‘yun!”

C) “Humanda kayong lahat paglabas ko rito!”

D) “So, ganyan pala ang hitsura n’yong mga journalists kapag buhay kayo. ‘Sensya na huh! ‘Yung huling grupo kasi ng mga journalists na nakita ko, nakapikit lahat eh.”

E) “Hindi po totoong pinatalsik kami sa Lakas-Kampi-CMD. Plano talaga naming lumipat sa Liberal Party!”

F) “Breaking News: Zoologists baffled at captured beast with human-like features”
________
“Violence in any form is evil and to kill innocents is tantamount to blatant savagery.”
~ Sri Sathya Sai Baba

Survey Says
Note: This poll was posted before the Supreme Court ruled that political advertisements may be aired/shown outside the campaign period.
Should the Comelec allow the showing of the movies of celebrities seeking elective posts in 2010?
YES. 10%
NO. 65%
Whatever. I don’t care. 24%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Have a SAFE weekend.

In Memoriam
(Thanks to Julius Babao for the link to this image)

Elsewhere
Newsbreak Online says ‘Cory Aquino gave Ampatuan patriarch his break’ Interesting. Ano kaya ang reaksyon ni Noynoy Aquino tungkol dito? Let’s see. Baka kailangan munang mag-retreat.





A SHOW OF FORCE

20 11 2009

THANK CALENDARS IT’S FRIDAY! Manny Pacquiao arrived this morning from Los Angeles. And today marks the start of the filing of certificates of candidacy for the 2010 elections. But you know what the week’s biggest news was? The emergence of a new dominant political party: “Ang Partido Oportunista ng Pilipinas.”

Earlier this week, the Oxford University Press picked “unfriend” as the Word of the Year. To unfriend someone is to delete him or her from your social life – just like what Vilma Santos, Ralph Recto, Recom Echeverri, Mayor Sonny Belmonte, and Herbert Bautista did to Lakas-Kampi-CMD.


National Convention
The ruling Lakas-Kampi-CMD Party held its national convention yesterday at the PICC. Thousands of party members representing each of the country’s geographical regions attended the convention. The atmosphere was relaxed and lively, and attendees were in high spirits. Apparently, everyone was prepared to lose.

In her farewell speech as party chair, President Arroyo claimed that Lakas-Kampi-CMD Party members comprise 72 percent of national and local officials. The farewell speech was written when Cory Aquino was still alive.

In an apparent effort to show that his political party values substance over popularity, Atty. Gilbert Teodoro talked at length about his platform of government. To give you an idea how long Gibô’s speech was, Noynoy Aquino has consumed three packs of cigarettes before he was through.

There have been conflicting reports as to the exact number of attendees in yesterday’s Lakas-Kampi-CMD national convention. The Philippine Daily Inquirer says 3,000. ABS-CBN and GMA 7 say 2,894. Pulse Asia says 2 percent.

In yesterday’s national convention of Lakas-Kampi-CMD, 2,894 people were reportedly present at the PICC: 894 were members of the party; the rest were members of the media.

After Atty. Gilbert Teodoro was proclaimed Lakas-Kampi-CMD Party’s official candidate for president, his wife Nikki Prieto-Teodoro joined him on stage. For a brief moment, Sen. Jamby Madrigal who was watching the live event on TV considered defecting to Lakas.

Lakas-Kampi-CMD members had a show of force in yesterday’s national convention. And despite the recent defections of some prominent members, those who stayed all looked energized. In fact, before the convention started, they eagerly talked about their plans, platforms, and Pinky Webb.

Edu and Pinky
The ruling party’s vice presidential bet Edu Manzano and tv presenter Pinky Webb have called it quits. Rumors say Webb was compelled to break up with Edu when she learned that ABS-CBN was arranging the couple’s live guesting on Wowowee. [Read: Webb did not want to cheapen the romance. Ouch! May tinamaan. Sino kaya?]


Titigan ang larawan. Ano sa palagay mo ang nasa isip ni Edu Manzano nang sandaling iyon?
A) “Sige! Ipamukha n’yo pang single ako. Sige lang!”
B) “Ikaw ngayon, Nikki. Ako, mamayang gabi.”
C) “Hay naku Pinky. Wrong timing ka talaga!”
D) “OA naman ‘to kung makahalik. Parang ‘di 2 percent ang rating!”

Osmeña No Longer a Liberal
Fed up with the “infighting” and “Mafia” in the Liberal Party, former senator Sergio Osmeña III has decided to quit the party. He has also rejected the offer of Erap’s party, and Villar’s Nacionalista Party saying, “My loyalty is to the Filipino people,” to which NPC’s Danding Cojuangco said, “Narinig ko na ‘yan eh.”

Osmeña No Longer a Liberal II
Former senator Sergio Osmeña III has quit the Liberal Party. Noynoy Aquino was unfazed by Osmeña’s decision though, and despite the intrigues, Noynoy said he would never quit the Liberal Party; he would never quit the opposition, and he would never quit smoking.

Ebdane’s VP
Presidential aspirant and former DPWH secretary Hermogenes Ebdane Jr. has vowed to reveal his running mate and senatorial bets on November 29. But first, he needs to inform them that they are his running mate and senatorial bets.

Marcoses Support Villar
Ilocos Norte Rep. Ferdinand “Bongbong” Marcos Jr. says the Marcoses have decided to support Nacionalista Party’s Manuel Villar Jr. in next year’s elections. Bongbong’s elder sister Imee, herself a former member of the Lower House has opted not to seek any elective post and will pursue instead a career in ventriloquism.

Early Bird
Marcos loyalist and controversial lawyer Oliver Lozano today filed his certificate of candidacy for president. He did it ahead of other perceived presidential frontrunners. Lozano insists he ‘plans and thinks ahead of everyone.’ To give you an idea how ‘advance’ Lozano’s mindset was, after filing his COC for president… he filed an impeachment complaint against himself.

Manny Is Back
The People’s Champ Manny Pacquiao arrived in the country today with wife, Jinkee. As if to quell rumors that their marriage is on the rocks, the couple gamely kissed during a television interview. Some described the kiss as “sweet.” Some described it as “awesome.” Others described it as ‘damage control.’
__________
“An organization that is strong and stable and is ready to commit time, money, and patience will be more apt to reap rewards than the quick-hitting opportunist.”
~Richard Miller

Light Bites: From Somewhere
Manny Pacquiao: Pacman
Mommy Dionisia: Pacmom
Krista Ranillo: Pacbet (Pambansang Ka__)

Survey Says
Are gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenders marginalized, and therefore, must have representation in Congress?
ABSOLUTELY! :33%
NOPE, They are not! :27%
THEY ARE but no need to be represented in Congress :40%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

Enjoy your weekend!





THE SEARCH IS OVER

14 11 2009

edu-gibo
Gibô’s Running Mate
TV host/actor Edu Manzano will be the running mate of Lakas-Kampi-CMD Party presidential bet Gilbert Teodoro. In making the announcement, Teodoro lauded Manzano for his “experience,” “clean record in local government,” “advocacies for young Filipinos,” and “preparedness to lose big time.”

Gibô’s Running Mate II
Actor Edu Manzano has agreed to become the running mate of Lakas-Kampi-CMD standard bearer Gilbert Teodro. Manzano admits he’s got no plans of seeking a higher elective post… until he received a text message from Lakas-Kampi-CMD stalwart Ronaldo Puno that said: “Earn 50 million in 6 months! Absolutely no cash out. Hurry! Offer’s good until midnight of December 1 only.”

Gibô’s Running Mate III
Actor Edu Manzano has agreed to become the running mate of Gilbert Teodro. Manzano believes that by running for vice president, he would finally have a chance to serve the poor, inspire the youth, and beat Jejomar Binay.

Gibô’s Running Mate IV
Former Game KNB? host, Edu Manzano admitted that he was hesitant to accept the ruling party’s offer to become its vice presidential bet. But when he saw Gibô for the first time in person last Wednesday, “all my qualms went out of the window.” It was love at first sight. (Awrrr!)

edu_gibo2 Gibô’s Running Mate V
Edu Manzano’s decision to run as vice president of Gilbert Teodoro surprised the Liberal Party. In fact, Noynoy Aquino was so shocked his mouth voluntarily closed for the first time.

Gibô’s Running Mate VI
Edu Manzano’s decision to run as vice president of Gilbert Teodoro surprised the Puwersa ng Masang Pilipino. In fact, Joseph Estrada was so shocked, he uttered his initial reaction in flawless English.

Briefly Noted
ABS-CBN talent Edu Manzano, boyfriend of ABS-CBN news presenter Pinky Webb is the running mate of the ruling party’s presidential bet Gilbert Teodoro. Sen. Loren Legarda, former ABS-CBN news presenter is set to declare her alliance with Nacionalista Party’s Manuel Villar Jr. whose No. 1 supporter is another ABS-CBN talent Willie Revillame. Of course, there’s the tandem of Liberal Party’s Noynoy Aquino, brother of prized ABS-CBN talent Kris Aquino, and Mar Roxas, husband of ABS-CBN chief correspondent Korina Sanchez. And don’t forget Joseph Estrada, father-in-law of a Lopez scion, Beaver. It’s ABS-CBN vs. ABS-CBN vs. ABS-CBN vs. ABS-CBN in 2010. This just in! The Commission on Elections has just declared the network an election hot spot.

Light Bites
Q: Why is Lakas-Kampi-CMD considered an environment-friendly party?
A: Because in choosing its vice presidential bet, it went from Puno to Papaya

clinton_presscon
In Other News… Clinton in Manila
Authorities went on high alert during the two-day Manila visit of US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Security was so tight police thought they were at the wedding of Mar and Korina.

Comelec vs. “Ang Ladlad”
Citing passages from the Bible and the Koran, the Commission on Elections’ Second Division dismissed the petition for accreditation in the party list elections of ‘Ang Ladlad’ – an organization promoting the rights and welfare of lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgender, saying the group “tolerates immorality.” To know more about the decision, the Comelec’s pastoral letter will be read in tomorrow’s Sunday mass.

Losses
Pilipinas Shell claims it has lost 81 million pesos in six days because of the oil price freeze… something that pales in comparison to the experience of the government itself: on Day 1 of Angelo Reyes’ appointment, the government lost him to the oil companies.
_____________

Survey Says
Lakas-Kampi-CMD allies are defecting to the Liberal Party and the Nacionalista Party. Your take:
-Bravo! Matatalino! ‘Yan ang tamang hakbang tungo sa pagbabago!: 6%
-Ang kakapal ng mukha! Mga balimbing! Mga oportunista! :75%
-Wala akong pakialam. :19%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.





SEASON’S GREETINGS

10 11 2009

villarlren Villar’s VP?
Without naming names, senatorial aspirant Adel Tamano of the Nacionalista Party says Sen. Manuel Villar Jr.’s running mate possesses the “3M” qualities: “maganda,” “matalino,” and “maka-kalikasan.” Vice presidential aspirant Loren Legarda who felt alluded to, said her presidential running mate also possessed the “3M” qualities: “masipag,” “matiyaga” and “malapit nang magpanic kapag ‘di pa ako nag-yes sa kanyang offer.”

Gibo’s VP
The ruling Lakas-Kampi-CMD Party has reportedly given up efforts to lure Sen. Loren Legarda into teaming up with Defense Sec. Gilbert Teodoro. With this development, the ruling coalition’s choice for vice president is now down to two: “John” and “Jane Doe.”

binay Binay’s Birthday
Birthday boy Jejomar Binay is celebrating his 67th birthday on November 11. Political observers doubt though if he’s really 67 years old… because he’s been mayor of Makati City for like half a century.

Binay’s Birthday II
Last Monday, November 9, Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay and his wife, former Makati City mayor Dr. Elenita Binay hosted a star-studded joint birthday party at the A. Venue Mall in Makati City. Opposition stalwarts and supporters were all present… except for Sen. Chiz Escudero who has made himself clear that he no longer believes in parties.

Binay’s Birthday III
Braving the dangerous traffic and the menacing stare of a Makati traffic enforcer, I personally took a photo of this eye-catching tarpaulin at the corner of Makati Avenue and JP Rizal St. in Makati City around 4pm, Tuesday.
10112009505
Sampung Katanungang Naglaro sa Aking Isipan Matapos Kong Masilayan ang Tarpaulin ni Jose De Venecia III Para Kay Makati City Mayor Jejomar Cabauatan Binay, Birthday Boy

Una: Bakit kailangang idaan sa tarpaulin ang pagbati?

Pangalawa: Hindi ba niya alam ang cellphone number o landline ni Mayor Binay upang mabati niya ito ng personal?

Pangatlo: Bakit sa panulukan pa ng JP Rizal St. at Makati Avenue inilagay ang tarpaulin gayong pwede naman itong isabit sa harap ng bahay ng mga Binay o kaya ay sa city hall upang mas madaling makita ng may kaarawan?

Pang-apat: Kailangan ba talagang may larawan pa ni Joey De Venecia sa tarpaulin?

Panglima: Hindi pa ba siya kilala ni Mayor Binay kaya’t kinailangan pang i-imprenta ang kanyang mukha?

Pang-anim: Titigan ang larawan at sagutin: Ano ang kahalagahan o kaugnayan ng website ni Joey De Venecia sa kaarawan ni Mayor Binay?

Pampito: Kung nabasa ni Mayor Binay ang naturang pagbati, sa palagay n’yo ba ay magpapagawa din ito ng tarpaulin upang iparating ang mensaheng ito: “Maraming salamat sa iyong pagbati Joey De Venecia III! From Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay http://www.makati.gov.ph” Kung oo, saang panulukan naman kaya niya isasabit ang tarpaulin?

Pangwalo: Bakit parang galit na galit ako sa naturang tarpaulin? Ikaw, anong nararamdaman mo?

Pangsiyam: Bakit kailangan ko pang magtanong gayong alam ko na naman ang sagot?

At pansampu: Ilang daang “Joey De Venecia III” pa kaya sa iba’t ibang panig ng bansa ang magsasabit ng tarpaulin sa mga lansangan, panulukan, gusali, at poste ng kuryente bago dumating ang halalan?

miriam_puno Santiago vs. Puno
Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago asked the Senate to file plunder charges against former DPWH Road Board Executive Director Rodolfo ‘Dodie’ Puno for the alleged misuse of some P60.5 billion in road users’ tax. Criticizing Puno’s lavish lifestyle, Santiago also threatened to reveal the names of his mistresses and girlfriends… to which Tonyboy Cojuangco said, “That is not a good idea.”

oil_freeze Petroleum Shortage?
Echoing the oil firms’ opposition to the government-imposed fuel price freeze in Luzon, the honorable Angelo Reyes says the country’s inventory of imported petroleum products is just enough for 13 days. But that’s still good news considering the fact that the government has no energy secretary for more than two years now.

alvin flores gang Alvin Flores Gang
Remember last week’s raid on the suspected hideout of the notorious Alvin Flores Gang in Bulacan? The raid yielded high-powered guns and ammunitions, grenade launchers, two-way radios, and Alvin Flores’ two used faces.

Alvin Flores Gang II
The doctor who performed cosmetic surgery on Alvin Flores revealed that the notorious gang leader was gay and wanted to look like BB Gandanghari. The surgeon also confirmed a gang member’s revelation that the Rolex heist in Greenbelt was a mistake. Flores’ original target was L’Oréal.
______________
“Leadership has been defined as the ability to hide your panic from others.”
~Anonymous

Just Asking
Philippine Daily Inquirer’s Conrado De Quiros originated it.
Other columnists concurred.
The Liberal Party adopted it.
“The 2010 election is a fight between good and evil,” i.e. Noynoy and the Liberals, the good side; GMA and her allies, the evil side.
Over the weekend, several allies of GMA defected to the Liberal Party, and more are expected to jump ship as the deadline for the filing of the certificates of candidacy nears. Question: Does the shift in allegiance automatically make the turncoats “good,’ or do they remain evil?

Just So You Know
A radio serial drama on the life, love, and rise to fame of MMDA Chairman Bayani Fernando is being aired on DZRH 666kHz. The 14-part series is called “Ang Manggagawa.” And this just in! Sen. Chiz Escudero has expressed interest in serializing his life story too. The tentative title, “Ang Mang-nga-ngawa!”

Light Bites
Q: Why did Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago reject the offer of President Arroyo to become DENR secretary?
A: Galit siya sa mga PUNO.

Personal
If you have original “political” images similar to that JDVIII photo above, you may email them to The Professional Heckler: professionalheckler@yahoo.com Pictures taken using cellular phones are just fine. Chosen photos will be used in future blog posts. Senders will be acknowledged. Thank you so much.

Lastly, for featuring yet again this blog on ANC’s Strictly Politics, thank you so much Ms. Pia Hontiveros. Catch her show every Tuesday, 8:00 to 9:00 PM on the ABS-CBN News Channel.





ONDOY’S ONSLAUGHT

28 09 2009

Warning: Due to the latest tragedy that struck the country, The Professional Heckler will not be in his usual mean (and funny) self. Apologies.

APTOPIX Philippines Flooding Exodus
Concerned for their survival, one by one, hopeless and worried people started leaving. They were trying to save themselves. Nope, I’m not talking about typhoon victims. I’m referring to members of Lakas CMD-Kampi.

Philippines Flooding Record-Breaking
Weather specialists were stunned at the volume of water brought by tropical storm Ondoy. So powerful was the storm that Bayani Fernando was finally forced to come out of his weeklong seclusion.

Philippines Flooding Devastation
According to news reports, because typhoon Ondoy has caused massive destruction in the country, PAGASA might delete the typhoon’s name from the official list of future weather disturbances in the country. In bigger news, the National Historical Institute is studying if it could delete the names Marcos, Estrada, and Arroyo in the official list of Philippine presidents.


Several political personalities and controversial celebrities reportedly used Twitter to express their thoughts on this latest tragedy. Here are samples of unverified posted tweets.

President Arroyo: “Sabi nila knee-deep lang!? It was chest-deep! Puñeta!”
about 34 hours ago from web

Sen. Mar Roxas: “Ramdam ko kayo. Promise, totoo na ‘yan.”
about 12 hours ago from web

Sen. Manuel Villar: “I am worried about C5 road.”
4:30 AM Sep 25th from web

Sen. Noynoy Aquino: “Will have to meet with the Pink Sisters before deciding on which evacuation center to visit first.”
about 28 hours ago from twitterfeed

Cebu Rep. Antonio Cuenco: “Half of the members of the Lower House will join Noynoy’s planned relief drive.”
about 30 hours ago from web

Sen. Panfilo Lacson: “God Save the Philippines from typhoon Ondoy!”
5:30 PM Sep 25th from UberTwitter

Sen. Jinggoy Estrada: “Baka akala mo porke’t bumagyo, nakalimot na ako. Hindi pa tayo tapos Mr. Panfilo Morena Lacson.”
10 seconds ago from web

Bro. Mike Velarde: “Baligtarin n’yo ang inyong mga payong! Tikatik, liglig, at umaapaw na… ang baha!”
10 AM Sep 25 from Uber Twitter

Pampanga Rep. Mike Arroyo: “My advice sa mga nawalan ng bahay at gamit: pakasal ulit kayo para may magregalo sa inyo.”
2 seconds ago from web

NPA leader Ka Roger Rosal: “Basang-basa dahil sa bagyo at nanginginig sa sobrang lamig. Ka Joma, kung nababasa mo ‘to, magli-leave ako for one week!”
1900 hrs Sep 25 from mobile phone

Vicki Belo: “Just got home after driving around the metro. Ang daming nagkalat na plastic.”
about 27 hours ago from web

Kris Aquino: “Gosh, did you see Marikina and Cainta? I swear, kailangan nila ng makeover!”
about 30 hours ago from web

Annabelle Rama: “May nagtext sa ‘kin dong. Kasabwat ni Ondoy si Wilma Galvante dong!”
3 minutes ago from web

Korina Sanchez: “Rain or shine, tuloy ang kasal!”
7:30 PM Sep 25th from twitterfeed

Headline of the Weak:
hataw
___________
“Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made.”
~ Bill Watterson

Elsewhere…
Philippine Daily InquirerWorst floods in the Philippines

GMA News.TVList of verified relief centers for ‘Ondoy’ victims

27092009418 Personal: I Survived!
This street in Makati City used to be submerged in chest-deep floodwaters – the first time it happened in eons! I had to wade through it last Saturday night before three men pushing a tryke-kuliglig hybrid vehicle offered me a 300-peso(!) ride to our house at the end of the road. Two monoblock chairs were placed on the sidecar so i could stand on them. I had to raise my hands (a la-Pacquiao holding his WBC belt) to protect my bag with laptop. Para akong santong ipinaparada sa binagyong fluvial procession! Kulang na lang may magsabit sa ‘kin ng dried everlasting. It was Bocaue Pagoda tragedy meets MMFF Parade of Stars meets Manny Pacquiao victory motorcade! Insane! Ganito kami sa Makati, paano pa kaya ‘yung mga taga-Cainta at Marikina City?

Take care everyone!








%d bloggers like this: