Tag: Lacson

AKO MISMO!

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akomismo1 IF YOU WERE GLUED to the Pacquiao-Hatton fight last Sunday, you would have caught the one minute ad of AkoMismo.Org. According to the group’s website, Ako Mismo is about “YOU making a stand and taking real action for the causes you believe in. Causes that you yourself can truly pursue to make a real, positive difference to your fellow countryman, to your country.”

Also aired during the commercial gaps were the “infomercials” of some government officials, advertisements which are now the subject of debates.

akomismo2 Inspired by AkoMismo.Org’s tv ad, the Professional Heckler takes another dig at these premature political advertisements.

Sen. Mar Roxas: May mas lalala pa kaysa sa problema natin sa walang kuwentang panoorin sa telebisyon

Sen. Manny Villar: Sa walang saysay na balitaktakan sa radyo

Sen. Panfilo Lacson: Sa mga halos hubad na babaeng nagsasayaw sa pantanghaling mga programa

VP Noli De Castro: Sa mga paulit-ulit na drama sa hapon

Sen. Loren Legarda: Sa tabloidal na pagbabalita sa gabi

Mayor Jejomar Binay: Sa tsismisan at siraan ng mga artista

Sen. Richard Gordon: Sa milyun-milyong tagapanood ng telebisyon

Sen. Francis Escudero: Sa milyun-milyong tagapakinig ng radyo

Defense Sec. Gilbert Teodoro: Ang pinakamalalang nakikita ng mga Pilipino

MMDA Chair Bayani Fernando: Ang pinakagrabeng naririnig ng mga tao

Pagcor Chair Ephraim Genuino: Ay ang walang pakundangang pangangampanya ng mga pulitiko

Tesda Director Augusto Syjuco: Atenistang sumasakay sa padyak

Finance Sec. Gary Teves: Senador na sa camera ay umiiyak

Lacson: Opisyal na nakikipag-usap sa teroristang Abu Sayyaf

De Castro: Bilyonaryong humihimas ng itik

Roxas: Bise-presidenteng ginagamit ang Pag-IBIG

Villar: Dating pulis na murder ang posibleng kaharaping asunto

Teves: City mayor na may kasong pandarambong sa husgado

Escudero: Cabinet member na nakisakay sa kasikatan ng isang boksingero

Teodoro: Senadorang papalit-palit ng partido at mahilig sa mga mukhang lolo

Binay: Inhinyerong pilit ginagawang rosas ang nilalakaran mo

Gordon: May balbas-saradong nangangako ng trabaho

Fernando: At may nagbibigay pa ng tips sa parating na bagyo.

Syjuco: Para sa interes ko at ng mga taong nakapaligid sa akin

Genuino: Lalabagin ang batas-panghalalan makamit lamang ang adhikain! Sinu-sino nga ba ang mga ito?

Mar Roxas: Ako Mismo!

Manny Villar: Ako Mismo!

Ping Lacson: Ako Mismo!

Noli De Castro: Ako Mismo!

Loren Legarda: Ako Mismo!

Jejomar Binay: Ako Mismo!

Richard Gordon: Ako Mismo!

Francis Escudero: Ako Mismo!

Gilbert Teodoro: Ako Mismo!

Bayani Fernando: Ako Mismo!

Augusto Syjuco: Ako Mismo!

Ephraim Genuino: Ako Mismo!

Gary Teves: Ako Mismo!

At sino ang dapat sisihin kung ang isang tulad ni Manny Pacquiao ay tumakbo at iboto ng mga taong sukang-suka na sa mga trapo at naghahanap ng pagbabago?

ALL: Kami mismo!
________
“There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction.”
~Winston Churchill

Survey Says…
Mar Roxas and Korina Sanchez announced their engagement on “Wowowee.” Your initial reaction:
Eeew: 64%
So?:19%
Nice: 17%

We have a new survey. Please vote now.

LET THERE BE LIGHT

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Light Bulb Jokes: Pinoy Version

How many senators does it take to change a light bulb?
Fourteen. One to change it, and 13 to keep the ladder steady.

How many senate presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
Nobody knows. Senate presidents don’t last as long as light bulbs.

How many Filipinos does it take to change a light bulb?
Five hundred thousand to 1 million. But that was during Cardinal Sin’s time. Today, few people notice the burnt out bulb.

How many Malacañang officials does it take to change a light bulb?
What change? Its bulb life is until 2010. Let it expire!

How many presidential contenders from the opposition does it take to change a light bulb?
None. If more than one wanted to change it, Erap will just do it himself.

How many members of the House committee on justice does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends. How much?

How many press secretaries does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. But he needs a lot of prayers to ensure the thing will work beyond its bulb life.

How many Arroyos does it take to change a light bulb?
It doesn’t matter. Light bulb or none, they refuse to see the light.

How many De Venecias does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One: a son to bid for a change in light bulb, and the other, a father to lobby for his son’s bid.

How many Villars does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Which one? There are two identical light bulbs.

How many Lacsons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to shoot the old bulb out, and one to screw the new one in.

How many Madrigals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They don’t have light bulbs. They have chandeliers.

How many Madrigal scions does it take to screw in a light bulb?
There’s no way you could force them to change a light bulb together.

How many Miriam Defensor-Santiagos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one. As long as the extent of space between the lower and upper interior surface of the room is proportionally manageable vis-à-vis the distance from the base of the phalanges to the cranium.

How many Jejomar Binays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Don’t be too negative. Darkness per se is not bad.

How many Jocjoc Bolantes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but he needs to undergo a series of check up first.

How many Lito Lapids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Huh? What’s a light bulb?

How many Bong Revillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. Bong Revilla will screw anything.

How many ZTE-NBN deal witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. But he needs the support of the La Salle Brothers to accomplish it.

How many Meralco executives does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They will just pass the task to its customers.

How many euro generals does it take to change a light bulb?
Eight. Seven to change it, and one to take all the blame if the light bulb fails.

How many NPA rebels does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to buy the bulb from the store, one to screw it in, and another to collect revolutionary tax from the storeowner.

How many gay congressmen and senators does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They’d rather stay in the dark.

How many El Shaddai members does it take to change a light bulb?
Don’t bother. Yahweh will change it.

How many Iglesia ni Cristo members does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten percent.

How many Villaraza Cruz Marcelo & Angangco, or ACCRA lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?

How many Caltex, Petron, and Shell executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They prefer screwing all of us!

How many President Arroyos does it take to change a light bulb?
At least four. (Just to make sure she’ll reach the ceiling.)

Enjoy your three-day break!

RELAX, SEE A MOVIE

Top 20 Movie Casting Choices That Were Meant to Be 2

20: ex-Sen. Ramon Revilla Sr.: Staying Alive

19: Vicki Belo & Ellen Lising: House of Wax

18: DOJ Sec. Raul Gonzales: The Jerk

17: Sen. Antonio Trillanes: Chasing Liberty

16: Tim Yap/DJ Montano: Close Encounters of the Third Kind

15: Mrs. Rose Flaminiano: Super Size Me

14: The Gucci Gang with the special participation of Ms. Nora Aunor: Romancing the Stone

13: Shell, Petron, and Caltex: Liar Liar

12: ABS-CBN News’ Maria Ressa: The Punisher

11: Nadia Montenegro: Grease

10: Doña Mary Ejercito: 10,000 BC

9: Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada: The Man Who Knew Too Much

8: Sen. Lito Lapid: Artificial Intelligence

7: ex-Sen. John Osmeña: Girl, Interrupted

6: (tie) MILF’s Kumander Bravo and Umbra Kato: Psycho and Jose “Joey” De Venecia III: V for Vendetta

5: Panfilo Lacson and Jamby Madrigal: Sister Act

4: Sen. Manuel Villar: Two for the Road

3: Sens. Loren Legarda & Edgardo Angara: An Inconvenient Truth

2: Claudio Teehankee Jr.: While You Were Sleeping

And the No. 1 movie casting choice that was meant to be…

1: Sen. Francis Pangilinan: Unfaithful

See also The Top 20 Movie Casting Choices That Were Meant to Be

CHICKEN CROSSING (VERSION 2008)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Here’s why according to controversial Filipino personalities (government officials, politicians, prominent businessmen, and local celebrities):

21: Lolit Solis: “Ma at pa! Basta! Sure ako sa aking nakita! Tumawid ang manok na ‘yan at may kasama pa siyang isa. Hinding-hindi ako magre-retract.”

20: ABS-CBN: “Somebody manipulated the chicken into crossing the road and we believe that the manipulator comes from another network.”

19: GMA 7: “We strongly condemn the insinuation that we were involved in the manipulation of the chicken. We will take this baseless allegation to court to clear our name.”

18: Juan Manuel Marquez: “To do some unfinished business.”

17: Manny Pacquiao: “I don’t agree. For me, business is over.”

16: Tim Yap/The Gucci Gang: “To party! (And snort some stuff.)”

15: Bb. Pilipinas-World Janina San Miguel: “Oh I’m sorry. A-ha-ha. I’m only 17 years old. I did not expect that the chickens is a tough hens.”

14: MMDA Chairman Bayani Fernando: “Pano’ng di tatawid ‘yan eh wala nang madaanan sa sidewalk. Okupado ng vendors!”

13: Joseph Estrada: “A legal study shows that the chicken can still cross the road even if it has failed to complete its first attempt to get to the other side.”

12: Albay Gov. Joey Salceda: “The important thing is the chicken didn’t get run over. Such a lucky bitch!”

11: Cory Aquino: “Why did the chicken cross the road? Let us all pray so that the truth will come out.”

10: President Arroyo: “I reiterate: my government is focused on the economy. We will not be bothered by the noise created by some fowls marching in some streets.”

9: CBCP: “We are also for the truth and we believe that no one should prevent witnesses from talking. But please, leave the chicken alone and let it finish its journey to the other side!”

8: Sen. Joker Arroyo: “Don’t mess around with my chicken!”

7: Sen. Jamby Madrigal: “Let’s subpoena the chicken and ask why. If it refuses to talk, I will expose its secrets.”

6: Sen. Panfilo Lacson: “I have a surprise witness who will tell us why the chicken crossed the road. Ladies and gentlemen… my witness!”

5: Leo San Miguel: “Aba malay ko! Wala akong alam d’yan.”

4: Benjamin Abalos: “Preposterous! I categorically deny na nagbanta akong ipapapatay ang manok na ‘yan kaya biglang tumawid sa kabila!”

3: CHEd Chairman Romulo Neri: “I heard that motorists always try to beat the red light in that street. I believe the chicken crossed the road to moderate their speed.”

2: Jun Lozada: “Kinabahan kasi ang chicken nang lapitan ito ng tatlong tandang na hindi nagpakilala. Naalala tuloy niya ang nangyari noon kina McChicken at Chickenjoy… kinidnap tapos pinatay.”

And the No. 1 answer to the question, “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

1: First Gentleman Mike Arroyo: “You keep saying that the chicken crossed the road but where is your evidence!? Maglabas muna kayo ng ebidensya!”

HERE’S TWO MORE:
Philippine Daily Inquirer (Banner Story): “Unnamed sources say the chicken crossed the road to lay eggs”

Two days later…

Philippine Daily Inquirer (Erratum): “We would like to apologize to the chicken. It couldn’t possibly lay eggs as what we have previously reported because the chicken was in fact – a rooster!”

Enjoy your vacation!

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