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PICTURE! PICTURE!

12 09 2013

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HELLOOOOOOW! Hiii! You’re there na pala. Grabeh! Lilinawin ko lang muna para iwas-intriga huh. I’m not supposed to be here naman talaga today kaya lang I really wanna make kwento. As in… now na! Yeahhh. Now na! I’m sure you’ve heard naman sa news what happened the other night, right? Nakakaloka! And since pinalaki na rin lang siya ng media, might as well share my experience. Why not ‘di ba? First time! Aha-ha-ha!

Ganito kasi ‘yon.

Matagal nang naka-sked ‘yong event last Tuesday, Sept. 10. So that morning, beauty rest lang talaga ako. As in REST! Care bears sa mga calls and text! Two hours ko talagang ‘di hinawakan ang cell phones ko. Sa mga dinedma ko that day, alam n’yo na! Aha-ha-ha

Before lunch, nagpa-massage pa kami ni Boy to prepare for the event. Medyo sore ‘yong left shoulder ko sa go ang mga lola sa favorite masahista namin. Around 4:30, sabi ko, “Parang dumidilim yata.” So I asked Beembs, “Baby, check mo nga ang sky please.” Sumilip si bagets sa window. Sabi niya, “Mama, the clouds are very dark. It’s like the eyes of that old lawyer I see on TV.” Naloka ako nang bonggang-bongga! I’m sure, alam n’yo na kung sinong lawyer ang tinutukoy n’ya! Isa lang naman ang lawyer na galit sa eye shadow ‘di ba? Aha-ha-ha

Anyway, sabi ko, “Lord, later ka na magpa-rain after ng event pls! Ayokong maipit sa traffic ‘noh!” Bigla na lang nag-lightning with matching thunder! Mas lalo akong naloka! Sabi ko, “Lord naman! I’m just kidding, ok? Kung maka-react ka naman. Scary!” Aha-ha-ha

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Fast forward to 6 o’clock. Heto na… I was dressing up nang bumuhos ang napakalakas na ulan. Grabe! Naisip ko talaga, “Sorry Krissy, this is not your night.” So I phoned the organizers of the event and told them that I was leaving in 20 minutes or less pero hindi ko kalkulado ang roads.

Paglabas namin ng building, hindi pa kami nakakalayo, sunud-sunod na ang report about flooding sa Metro Manila. So mas dumami ang kaba ko. Mga 1,167 siguro. Aha-ha-ha Pagliko namin sa (I won’t mention na lang the flooded street, baka sabihin pinupulitika ko ang mayor), gosh, ang haaaaaaba ng pila ng cars! Nag-panic na ang lola n’yo. Sabi ko, “Manong, I’m going to be suuuuper late, promise! Take me to the sakayan ng MRT. Now na!” Sumagot si Manong, “Sakayan ng tao po ma’am. Hindi po sumasakay ang MRT.” Ay! Pahiya si Krissy. Oo nga naman. Sorry! Tao lang.

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Pagdating ko sa MRT around 8 o’clock… shocked ang necklace ko! Ohhhhhh my gosssssssh! There was like a million people there! I swear! Parang funeral ni Daddy. Ask nga ng PA ko, “Ma’am, sure ka bang sasakay tayo?!?” Tinitigan ko siya sabay arko ng left eyebrow ko, and said, “Sasakay? Ikaw ba? Gagapang?! Andito na tayo eh siyempre we’ll take a train ride!” Tameme si girl.

So ‘yon na nga. Buy ng ticket si PA tapos we had to fall in line pa. Luckily, there were like three or four women na pinauna kami sa pila. Initially, I refused. You know naman… may CCTV! Baka sabihin ng mga bitter d’yan, may special treatment na naman. Hay naku! Enough of kanegahan na kasi. Dapat… love love love na lang!

Pero itong isa, mapilit talaga. Mauna na raw ako dahil baka raw ma-late ako sa aking pupuntahan. Concerned????!!? Aha-ha-ha Sabi pa ni Ate, “Krissy, ibinoto namin ang Kuya mo. Sana magtagumpay ang tuwid na daan.” Bongga! Winner talaga siya! I was so tempted to reply, “Bigyan ng jacket!” Aha ha ha

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Ten minutes later, arrive na ang train. Pagtingin ko sa kabilang door, my gosh. Naloka ako! Parang prusisyon ng Black Nazarene! There was pushing and shoving and pushing and grabbing and grabehhh, may nagmumurahan pa! I almost passed out talaga! Ganito pala ang public transport! It’s like, you know, delubyo! As in OA much!

Naisip ko, if I were a commuter like those guys na everyday ay nagti-train tapos rush hour pa… my gawwwwd, I’m gonna die. Promiiiiise! Kawawa ang mga anak kooo! Beembs, Dyosh… I love youuuuu!!!

Wait, itutuloy ko na ang kwento ko. So ‘yon nga. When the doors opened, there was tulakan na. And medyo smelly huh. Naku, aminin n’yo! Sa mga MRT at LRT riders, umamin kayo – medyo may smell sa loob ‘di ba? Aha-ha-ha And they were so maingay huh. Kinabog nila ang kadaldalan ko! Aha ha ha! Fortunately, nobody made siksik when I started walking papasok ng train. In fairness, nice silang lahat sa akin. Ako na! Aha-ha-ha

Ba’t ba ako tawa nang tawa? Aha-ha-ha

Dahil nga siksikan, we had no choice kundi tumayo. Pero keri lang! Care bears na sa sakit ng legs at sa smell! Ang importante makarating ako sa event on time!

Heto pa! Habang tumatakbo ang train, naloka na naman ako sa aking PA. Deadma talaga siya sa mga naka-stare na strangers. Sabi niya, “Ma’am Krissy, smile! Isi-selfie kita!” Winner ‘di ba? Siya ang kukuha ng picture ko pero selfie raw. Hindi ko s’ya kinaya!

Anyway, she used my phone pala in taking those MRT photos so agad-agad, inupload ko sa Instagram! Naloka nang mas bonggang-bongga ang mga followers ko. They were like, “Si Krissy, nag-MRT?!!? The end is near! Repent! Repent!” Ang mean huh! Moments later, hayan na ang TV networks. Sunud-sunod na ang tweet sa akin asking if they could use the pics! Hellllllow! As if naman makakatanggi ako ‘noh!

But I couldn’t blame them. Baka nga kasi ‘di na maulit in this lifetime ang pagsakay ko sa train so keri lang ulit. Go!!! Use lang nang use! Ang ganda ko naman d’yan ‘di ba? At ang pearls!!!! Aminiiiiin! Umeksena! Aha-ha-ha

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Nagulat nga lang ako sa news the next day. Akala ko pa naman, headline akong mag-isa! Pati pala si Manny, nag-MRT din! Tse! But sorry!!! Mas nag-trend sa social media ang train ride ko! Aha-ha-ha

I was kinda expecting na pag-usapan pa hanggang Sunday ang pictures ko sa MRT. Eh biglang appear naman ‘tong photo ni Kuya Noy with Jeane Napoles. Kainis huh! Nang-agaw pa ng moment!

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Ayokong maging defensive about it but alam naman siguro ng public kung paninira lang ang picture o hindi ‘noh! I’ll just let Kuya Noy explain his side. Yes, Kuya Noy, ikaw na lang ang magsalita; ‘wag na si Lacierda. He’s medyo nega kasi eh. But ito lang ang masasabi ko, I know for a fact na hindi kilala ni Kuya Noy ang mga Napoles. Sure na! Ewan ko lang sina Pareng Bong at Pareng Jinggoy. Aha-ha-ha ‘Tsaka ang daming nagpapa-picture sa Presidente ‘noh! Hay naku! Nang-iintriga lang d’yan ang mga taong guilty! I swear! Damay-damay din ‘pag may time!

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Besides, look at the photo! I know my brother. Kapag ‘di siya kumportable, pilit na pilit ang smile n’yan! Plastic din ‘yan kung minsan ‘noh! Aha-ha-ha! Me and my big mouth again. Sorry Ate Pinky and Ate Ballsy!

Now, compare that photo with the Bong-Jinggoy-Napoles pic. All smiles ang mga lolo n’yo huh! Parang magkukumpare lang ang peg! Aha ha ha So pleeeease. Spare Kuya Noy! My brother is not a pig! Aha-ha-ha

Back to my MRT experience. Hayyy… ‘kapagod pala talaga ‘noh? Pero it was fun fun fun! Sa mga passengers who made paraya sa pila, i love you naaaaa! Despite the siksikan, the murahan, the balyahan, the smell and all, I had so much fun talaga! Swear! It was an eye-opener of sorts too. In fact, gusto ko ngang ulitin bukas eh. Joooooke! Ang painful pa ng balakang ko ‘noh! I need rest muna. Pero willing talaga akong ulitin… promise! Siguro… after 12 years! Aha-ha-ha!”
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“A developed country is not a place where the poor have cars, it’s where the rich use public transportation.”
~Enrique Peñalosa, former mayor of Bogota, Colombia

Sound Bites
“I understand the photo was taken at an event last November in Cebu. She had her photo taken with the President, as did a dozen other people who lined up to have their photo taken with him.”
~Deputy presidential spokesperson Abigail Valte on President Aquino’s photo with Jeane Napoles

Have a safe weekend!

1KTo the UP Pep Squad, good luck on Sunday!

I am on Twitter: @HecklerForever.

[Photos: Kris Aquino’s Instagram Account, Philippine Daily Inquirer, Rappler]

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